J * " THE TRUE ARISTOCRAT. "Who nro tlio nobles of the earth , Tlio trtio arifltocrntB , Arho need ngt'bow.their Jiesdfl to lords , * Nor doff to kings their hat's ? Who are they but the men o/ toil , The mighty and the tree , WlioHo hearts and hands subdno the earth , And compass all the sea ? Who arc they but the men of toil , Who clcovo the forests down , And plant , amid the wilderness , Thu humlofc and the town , Who fight the battles , bear the scarsfc And give the world its crown Of name , and fame , and bistorj And pumpt of old renown ? These claim no gaud of heraldry. And scorn the knighting rod ; Their coats of arms and noble deeds , Their peerage is Irora God ! They tnko not from ancestral graves Thi clory of their name , Cut , nin , as once their lathers won 'JLIio laurel wreath of fame. Stewart. KISS OF SUDDEN DEATH. HERE i3 nothing so impossible that a novel ist can't lead a story up to it , " said Professor Boyesen. , of Columbia College , 5 he sat in a group at the Authors' Club. "That's eo , " snid Edgar Saltus. "but I've found that the best scheme for odd fiction are pcstated by the necessary death of the principals without disclosing the material for a climax. " "I know what ymu mean , " said Editor Gilden of the Cey.tury Maga zine , "and I wonder .why some of you gentlemen don't extend a romance beyond death say by means of & Bpiritulistic communication from the actors. Now you , Professor Smith , you're a scientist , why don't you do it ? " The gentleman thus addressed was Professor Brainard Gai'dner Smith , of Cornell University. ' And I have thestart of it in mind now , " Professor Smith replied. "Once , when I was in journalism , I had occasion to go over a pile of old Liverpool newspapers , and thus came upon a remarkable paragraph in the ship news. Translated out of the language of commerce it was to the effect that the good ship Em press , just arrived from Australia , reported that while rounding the port of Good Hope she had been driven southward far out of her course by a storm , and away down in the southern Atlantic had sighted a vessel drifting aimlessly about. | The first mate boarded her , and returning - turning , reported that the derelict was the ship Albatross. That she , had been abandoned was plain , for nil the boats were gone , and so were the log and the ship's instruments. On deck close by the companion 5atch lay two bodies , or rather skel- otons , clad in weather rotted garments that showed them to nave been man and woman. These bodies were headless , but the heads were nowhere to be found on fihe deserted deck. The mate found on the cabin table an open book , with writing on its pages. A pen lay on fihe table and a small inkstand , in fyliich the ink hud evidently long since flried. The book was evidently a journal ordinary , so the mate report- fld , and he put it in his pocket , mean ing to carry it aboard the Empress , but when he was getting dotvn into his small boat the book slipped from //is / pocket , dropped into the water , mid sank. The Albatross was badly plater-logged and he thought could a-ot have floated much longer. To fihis report the. editor of the paper rtdded a note saying that the readers rould all doubtless remember that Albatross had sailed from Liverpool Several years before , bound for Aus- * raliH , and was thought to have gone rJown with all on board , as no news ' < ? f her had since been received. 'Jlmt was the substance of the re- ( ? warkable paragraph. What was al most as remarkable to me , a newspaper - } paper man , was that the Liverpool japer had evidently made no effort ' o learn the owner's name of the Al batross , the name of her captain and crew , or whether or not she carried any passengers , I "A lew weeks after that I went in to northern Vermont to report the Ben ton murder trial , which was at tracting much more than local at tention. I was pleased to find that the prosecuting attorney was an old rtfassmateof mine , butnot pleased to find that he had become a spiritua list. I mentioned the headless bodies to him , and , as a joke , asked him to conjure up thetwo spirits in a seance , BO as to solve the mystery.Ve got the whole story through a medium. The bodies were those of Arthur Hart ley and Helen Eankins , " and he ' lo'oked defiantly around the circle for a communication we got through the Vermont medium , and. this is what fce said : i "Helen and I rcer * passengers aboad the Albatross. My Uncle John promised me a fortune. He was con fident that an explosive of his inven- j tion would work such wonders in' Australian mines that within 10 years we would go back to England rich beyond the dreams of avarice. ' One day Uncle John got into a hot discussion with Captain Raymond about the efficacy of the wonderful explosive compound. The captain seemed doubtful. Uncle John was for the instant angry. "I'll show you , then , " he said , and he rushed into the cabin where his boxes were stored and came out shortly with two tin cans , each hold ing something L'ssthan a nint. He unscrewed the top of one , disclosing a brownish powder. "Take carel" said the captain , who seemed need lessly cautious and almost fearful. "Why , I though you pai'd it was Ubpless , " said Uncie John , with aluugh ; "and yet you are afraid of it. Look here. " He lighted a match and held it close to the powler. A dark smoke arose that instantly ex tinguished the little flame and floated off , leaving a queer smell. That was all. "Perfectly harmless , captain , " con tinued uncle , who had now recovered his usual good nature. Perfectly harmless unless you wet it. Then look out ! " "The cook made a sort of dump ling lor dinner , and a great lot of it remained. Uncle John took a mass of this dough , for it was little else , squeezed it until it was quite dry , and molded it into a ball. "Come with me , " he said , "and , Arthur , bring a plate of that dough with you. " Ho took the cans and we followed him to the deck. There he carefully cov ered the bull of dough with the pow der , and going to the" rail threw it as far as he could out over the placid sea. As the ball struck the water there was a loud explosion , and the spray was thrown high into the air. The crew , who had been hanging over the portrait forward turned and rush ed over to see what was up. Uncle John made another ball and threw it with like result. . "Oh honly torpeters. " growled one of the nien , and they turned back to their places. Uncle John now evi dently anxious to give us thorough proof of the value of his compound , was for throwing more balls , when the boatswain , rolling alt , touched his hat , and said to the captain : "Please , sir , there's a big black shark as has showed his fin hoff the port bow , and if so be that the doc- tor'll wait a bit with his torpeters we'll show 'um some fun a-catchin' of it. " "All right , bo'sun , " said the captain and we all went over to the port rail. "There he is , " said the captain , pointing to a sharp black thing that rising just above the water , was cut ting quietfy through it. ' 'That is his fin , and there's a big shark un der it , or I'm much mistaken. " "The men fell back and looked eagerly. The cook handed up a big chunk of meat. "Wipe it as dry as 3ou can , " said uncle , "and tie it firmly to the rope. " When this was done he sprinkled the powder from the can carefully over the meat then he carried it cautiously to the j rail. The shark was cruising back [ and forth. Uncle lowered the meat i slowly into the water , right in front of the monster. He saw the bait , and darted at it , and then there was a tremendous report , and the spray flew into our faces as we leaned over the rail. The next moment we saw the big fish flouting motionless on the water. "Blessed if 'e 'asn't bldwed 'is 'ead close off , " said the boatswain. J "It was so. That terrible com- i pound of Uncle John's had needed 1 only the impact of the shark's teeth to explode it with deadly effect" "Oh , it's only a fish story , " Ed gar Fawcett interrupted , when Pro fessor Smith , who was an expert elo cutionist , had spoken thus far in the assumed character of the dead man. "It is a lovely story , " Professor Smith went on , with no lapse from his impersonation of the solemnly speaking spirit of Hartley. "Our vessel was plundered and abandon ed by the mutinous crew. Only Helen , whom I madly loved , but who had never yet confessed she loved me , was * left alone on board with me. Days of famishing and fever ensued. One afternoon Helen was lying mo tionless in the shadow of the com panion hatch. I threw myself down by her side. She put out her hand and grasped mine , and a flush cross ed her face. I was to weak to speak , and thus hand in hand we lay for I don't know how long. Gradually I lost consciousness , .perhaps in sleep. At all events my spirit was not free. The frail body still had strength enough to re tain it. "E was aroused by something dropping on my fare. As consciousness came back I saw that * the sky had become overcast ; that a cool breeze was blowing , and that a gentle rain was falling. Helen was sitting erect , and with parted lips drinking in the grateful rain laden air. I tried to rise , but could not. She was much stronger than I , and at my direction , went below and brought blankets and clothes , which she spread on the deck , that they might catch the falling drops. She seemed quite vigorous , and already felt my own strength coming back. Soon she was able to squeeze water from the blanket into a little can which stood by the mast. We were in too great agony of thirst to think of neatness. She offered the can to me. "Drink yourself , Helen , " I said. "No , " she answered , with a smile. "No you need it most. " And kneeling by my side she slipped her arm under my head and with the other hand held the water to my parched lips. "I drank eagerly. The draught was life to me. Never had water such strength giving power. I hardly noticed that it left such a queer taste upon my lips. 1 sat erect. Helen , with her arm still around my neck , drank what remained in the can. Then she looked me full in the face. There was a new expression in the lovely eyes. A deep flush was on her brow. "Arthur , " she said , and there was a tremor in the rich deep voice , "Arthur , I love you ! 01 ; I love you ! My darling , my noble , faith.'ul dar ling ! Arthur ! " "She threw herself upon my breast with burning face and streaming eyes. The blood leaped through my veins. She raised her sweet face and our lips met for the first time. . There was anawful crash and our freed spirits took their happy flight to gether. " "We had drank from the can that had contained Uncle John's explosive , A little of the powder had clung to the can , floated on the water , and adhered to our lips when we drank. " "The impact of that first elastic kiss had exploded the compound and our heads were blown from our shoulders. That's all. " And Professor Smith , the story tell er , smiled. Cincinnati Enquirer Sent a Boy. From the Pittsliurg Dispatch. A lady walking along a street came upon a little girl , wheeling a baby carriage. "What a beautiful baby ! " exclaimed the lady as she discovered a pink face done up in a cream color ed shawl. Whose baby is it ? " "Mine , " the little girl answered. "Oh , you mean that it is your lit tle brother or sister ? " No , I mean that he is not my brother , but he is my child. " "You are a very young mother. " "I ain't no mother. " "Then why should you say that the baby is yours ? " the lady mis chievously asked. "Cause God sent it me. My mam ma asked me if I didn t want a little baby in the house an' I said yes ; an' she said if I prayed for one God would send it , an" then I said I would pray for a little sister , 'cause I like girls better than boys ; but mamma said I'd just better pray for any kind that God has si mind to send , but I didn't : I prayed for a little girl , but God took an' sent a boy any way , an' I guess it was because He didn't have any little girls on hand. Then I said I would pray to God to send a little girl as soon as he could ; but our folks said that I neenter put myself to any trouble on that account. " Presidential Tips. The biggest railway official in the country that I know of told me the other night that "the porters of special cars pick up big money. Whenever a special car is used the best porter who is handy is assigned to it. This man expects and usually receives a handsome gratuity. Those who travel in special cars can afford to be liberal to the one who , for the time being , becomes a valet , or personal servant , and generally are. When Gen. Grant went any where the porter of the special car always got $50. He never gave less , whether the time was a day era a week , and never gave more. It was invariably a fifty dollar bill. President Arthur always gave the porter two twenty dollar notes or two twenty dollar gold pieces. He was als t liberal to other minor rail way officials. President Hayes used a special car pretty often. He tip ped the porter S5. When Garfieid traveled special the porter got only $2 , and considered himself lucky to get that. Garfieid was always very close about money matters. He saved money while in congress on a salary that few others were barely able to live upon. " Pibtsburg Dis patch. Traveling for the First Time. A railroad engineer in Maine saw a man on the track waving at him a few days ago , and , his mind filled with the possiblities of impending danger , stopped the train. Every one was in a high state of excitement , but the man eoolly boarded the smoking car without uttering a word. He looked as if he had not traveled far from his native healli , and on being questioned said : "Wai , I just waved my hand cos I wanted to get on the keers. I'm going ter Wells , and I never been on the keers before. " He spoke , it is said ; with an unmis takable air of innocence , and raised such a flood of good nature that the conductor silently took his fare , and when he landed at Wells he was loudly cheered in honor of his first ride. Philadelphia Ledger. Of Two Evils He Chose the Least. The late master of Trinity College , Cambridge , was held in wholesome dread by the under graduates. On one occasion an unfortunate "under- grad" who has been invited to breakfast with him strolled across the court to the master's lodge , fin ishing as he went his morning cigar ette , all unmindful of the college rules , which strictly prohibit such enjoy ments within the gates. When he reached the door it opened suddenly and the master appeared before him as he took his Is-rt whiff. "Do you mean to insult me , sir , or are you lost to i.T | sense of decency ? " said" the head of tne college. The poor felloe , thinking only of the dire consequences of the first of these three alternatives , answered in trepidation : 'If you please , sir , I am lost all to sense of decency. " Tired of Shining. "Don't you want to go to the bet ter world , Tommy ? " asked a Sunday- school teacher of the new scholar. ' No , mum , " promptly replied the frank little fellow. "And why not , Tommy ? " "Oh , when 1 die I want to go where a feller can rest. " "Well , my boy , you can rest there. " "Well , in thift song we sung it said we'd all shine there. " "Certainly ; don't you _ want to shine there ? " "No , mum , I j don't want to shine there. I get enough of that here. I'm P. shoe black , mum. " Toronto Empire. r t BRYANTTO HIS WIFE- [ The following lines from an uncompleted poem were found upon Bryant's table , writ ten several years after the death of his wife. ] The morn hath not the glory that it worn. Nor doth the day BO beautifully die , Since I call thee to my side no more , To gaze upon the s'y. For thy dear hand , with each return of spring , I Rought in suun.v nooks the flowers she gave : I fienk them still , and sorrowfully bring , The choicest to thy grave. From where I sit alone is sometimes heard , From thepreat world , nwhisperofmynnnie , Joined , haply , to some kind , comment-urg * word , By those whose praise is fame. And then , ns if I thought thou still wertnigh , I turn me , halflorgettinj ? thou f-rt dead , To read the gentle glndnes in thiJ ) eye , That only I might have read. I turn , but see thee not : before mine eyes The image of a hillside mound appears , Where all of the that passed not to the skies , Was laid with bitter tears , And I , whoso thoughts go back to happier ' days , That filed with thee , would gladly now re sign 11 thatthp world can give of fame and praise , For one sweet look o ; thine. BINGAMY'S SEOBETAEr. Detroit Free Pres . R. Johnson Rin- gamy , the au thor sat in his li brary gazing idly out of the win dow. The view was very pleas ant , and the early morning sun brought out in strong relief the fresh greenness to the trees that now had on their early spring suits of foliage. Mr. Ringamy had been a busy man , but now if he had caret ] to take life ) asy , he might have done so , for few books had had the tremendous suc cess of his latest work. Mr. Ringamy was thinking about this when the door opened and a tall intelligent looking young man entered from the study that communicated with the library. He placed on the table the bunch of opened letters he had in his hand , and , drawing up a chair , open ed a blank notebook that had be tween the leaves a lead pencil sharp ened at both ends. "Good morning , Mr. Scriver , " said the author , also hitching up his chai1 * towards the table. He sighed as he did so , for the fair spring prospect from the library window was much more attractive than the task of answering an extensive correspond , ence. "Is there a large mail this morning * Scriver ? " "A good sized one , sir. Many of them however , are notes asking for your autograph. " "Inclose stamp , do they ? " 'Most of them , sir ; those bhat did not. I threw in the waste basket. " "Quite right. And the autographs , you might write them this afternoon , if you have time. " "I have already done so , sir. I flatter myself that even your most intimate friend could not tell my version of your autograph from your own. " As he said this the young man shoved towards the author a letter which he had written , and Mr. Ring amy looked at it critically. "Very good , Scriver , very good in deed. In fact , if I were put on the witness-box I am not sure that I would be able to swear that that was not my signature. What's this you have said in the body of the letter about sentiment ? Not making me write anything sentimen tal , I hope. Be careful my boy , I don't want the newspapers to get hold of anything that could turn into ridicule. They are too apt to that sort of thing if they geb half a chance. " " 0,1 think you will find it all right. " said the young man ; still I thought it best to submit it to you before sending it off. You see the lady who writes has been getting up a 'Ring amy Club' in Kalamazoo , and she asks you to give her an autographic sentiment which they will cherish as the motto of the club. Sol wro'e the sentence , 'All classes of labor should have equal compensation. ' If that won't do I can change it. " "Oh , that will do first rate first rate. " "Of course it is awful rot , but I thought it would please the feminine mind. " "Awful what did you aay , Mr. Scriver ? " "Well popycock if that expresses ib better. Of course you don't be lieve any such nonsense as that. " Mr. Johnson Ringamy frowned as he looked at his secretary , "I don't think I understand you , " he said at last. "Well look here , Mr. Rigamy , speak ing now , not as a paid servant to his master , but " "Now , Scriver , I won't have any talk like that. There is no master or servant idea between us. There oughtn't to be between anybody. All men are free and equal in this country. " "They are in theory , and in my eye , if I wanted to make it more express ive. " "Scriver. I cannot congratulate you on your expressive expessions , if I may call them so. But we are wandering from the argument. You were going to Stiy tint speaking as Well , go on , " "I was going to say that , speaking fvs one reasonable sensible man to another , without any gammon about it , dent you think it is rank nonsense to say that one class of la bor should bo as well compenso-ted as another. Honestly now ? " The author sat back in his hair and gazed across the table at hla sec- retary. Finally , ho said "My dear Scriver , you can't really mean what you say. You know that I hold that all classes of laborshould have exactly , the same compensa tion ! The miner the blacksmith , the preacher , the president , the postal clerk , the author , the printer yes , the man who sweeps out the office , or who polishes boots , should each share alike , of this world were whatit should be yes , what it will be. Why. Scriver , you surely couldn't have read my book " "Read it ! why , hang it , I wrote it. " "You wrote it ! The deucoyou did. I always thought I was the author of " "So you are. But didn't I take it all down in shorthand , and whack ib out on the typewriter , and didn't I go over the proof sheets with you. And " vet you ask me if I have read it. " "Oh yes , quite right , I see what you mean. Well , if you paid as much attention to the arguments as you did to the autof raphy , I should think you would not ask if I really meantf what I said in the book" " 0,1 suppose you meant it all right enougu in a way in theory , perhaps.bub " "My dear sir , allow me to say that a theory that is not practical is no theory at all. The greab success of 'Gazing Upward , ' has been due to the facb that it is an eminently prac tical work. The nationalization of everything js not a matter of theory. The ideas advocated in that boolc. can be seen at work any time. Look at the army , look at the postoffice. " "Oh that's all right , looking at things in bulk. Let's come down to practical details. Detail is the real test of any scheme. Take this vol ume , 'Gazing Upward. ' Now , might I ask you how much this book has netted you up to date ? " 0,1 don't know exactly. Some where in the neighborhood of § 100- , 000. " "Arery well , then. Now let us look at the method by which that book was produced. You walked up and down this room with your hands be hind your back and dictated chap ter after chapter , an'd I sat at this table taking ib all down in short hand. Then you went out and took the air while 1 whacked it out on the typewriter. " "I wish you woulcln'tsay 'whacked , ' Scriver. That's twice you've used it. " "All right , typographical error. For 'whacked' read 'manipulated. ' Then you looked over"the.typewrit ten pages , and I erased and wrote in and finally got out a perfect copy. Now I worked just us hard proba bly harder than you didyetthesuc- cess of that book was entirety due to you , and not to me. Therefore it is quite right that voushould jret100 , 000 , and that I should. get § 15 a week. Come now , isn't it ? Speak ing as a man of common sense. " ' 'Speaking exactly in that way 1 say no , it is not right. If the world were rightly ruled the compensation of author and secretary would have been exactly the same. " " 0 well , if you go so far as that , " replied the secretary , "I have nothing more to say. " The author laughpd and the two men bent their energies to the corre spondence. When the task was fin ished Scriver said : " 1 would like to get acoupleofdays off , Mr. Ringamy. 1 have some pri vate business to attend to. " "When could you get back ? " 'Til report to you on Thursday morning. " "Very well then. Not later than Thursday. I think I'll take a couple of days off myself. " * On Thursday morning Mr. John son Ringamy sat in his library look ing out of the window , but the day was not as pleasant as when he last gazed at the hills , and the woods , and the green fields. A wild storm j lashed the landscape and rattled the rain drops against the pane. Mr. Ringamy waited for sometime and then opened the study door and looked in. The little room was emp ty , lie rang the bell and the trim servant stfrl appeared. "Has Mr. Scriver come in yet ? " "No , sir , he haven't. " "Perhaps the rain has kept him. " "Mr. Scriver said that when you ' come back , sir , there was a letter on ! the table as was for you. " | "All , so there is. Thank you , that t will do. " The author opened the letter and read as follows : MY DE VK Mil. RINGAMY Your argument * the other day fully convinced me that you were right and I am wrong ( "Ah ! I.thought they would , " murmured the author ) . I have there ore taken a step toward putting your theories into practice. The scheme is an old one in commercial life , but new in its present application. PO much so that I fear it will find no de cnders except yourself , and I trust that now I am far away ( "Dear me , what does this mean ? " cried the author ) you will show any doubters that I 'acted on the prin ciples that will govern the world when the theories of "Gazing Upward" are pot into practice. For fear that all might not agree with you at present. 1 have taken th * pre caution n "Til"to th ° t mul'M-o\-iT Ml I'oiiti- tiy fiom wlms. IKIDIIH * nui'Mraiiition tientv force * the traveler Jo retui a sunnv Spain. , You said you could not leil my icndition o"i i M > nr signature tiom your own. Neither could the b.ink rachier. Fifty thousand del inrs. Half the profit * , j on know. You r.m bt-nd 'utnre . " . .iriiinul.itiua- the boot will j continu" to M-il , to the address of APAMSCRITER.I I Po t r.f-tant. Madrid. Spain. i Mr. Riii'Miiiy at once put thp case j in thp hands nt the detectives , where i it still remain * . j KILPATRICK BROTHERS. Horses branded on loft blp or loft abouldef P. O. address. Impsrlml , Chase county , and neat- rice , Neb. Knnjfe. Slink- injr Watur and French * man creeks , Chnso Co. ' Nebraska. lirund as cut on side of some anlrnnla , on hip nnC sides of some , or anj l To euro Biliousness , Sick Ilcadaobo , ConiU- patlon , Malaria , Liver Complaints , taka the eito and certain rewedy , SMITH'S Use the SMALL Size (40Httl < 5 Beans to th bottle ) . THET ARE TUB HOST CONVENIENT. J9vxitt l > lo iozr ca.ll _ A.feMi. Frico of cither size , SSc. per Bottle. 1 > * . PANEL SIZE. U.iltd for 4 ct. . ( coppari or tUapi V J.F.SMITH&CO.iUi8r.of"BILEBEAN3-ST.lOUIS KO. J. S. McBRAYER , House Mover % Drayman , McCOOK , NEB * 137" House and Safe Moving a Spec ialty. Orders for Draying left at th Huddleston Lumber Yard will recerro prompt attention. F. D. BURGESS , PLUMBING , Steam and Hot Water Heating , North Main Avenue. * McCOOK , KEBRASKJL A stock of best grades of Hose , Lawi Bprinkters , Hose Keels nurl Hose Fixture * oonttantlr oil hand. All work rcceir eg pronpi attention. DRYSDALE , LEADER ! N IT.--.I And what is of more importance , Quality---and-- Why not have a suit that fits youk when one which is both stylish and serviceable can be bought for $22.00 " ' A pair of trowsers which are really ( ) elegant , DRYSDAI/B will build you foi $5. Fine fabrics cost but little at YKYSDALOS'S now , less than misfits in ji ct. Look him over. You will plac * your order. Save money. Feel bette ? and look better. Buying for cash an * light expenses does the business at DllYSDALE'S. ALLEN'S TRANSFER , Bus , Baggage Dray Line , F. P. ALLEN , Prop. , McCOOK , NEBRASKA. | y Best Equipped in the Citr. Leave orderf at Commercial Hotel. Good well water fu : > aUfced on short notice. I will buy stock cattle of any age , from calves up. Also , stock hogs. At Brush creek ranch , 3 miles southeast of McCook , Neb. J. I * . aiESKR YE. R. A. COLE , Leading Merchant Tailor. Will sell English , Scotch , French and American cloths AT COST foi the next sixty days. Come and get a first-class suit of clothes cheap. It ir. a rare chance. Shop two doors west ol the Citizens Bank , McCook , Nebraska.