I
Ij'V. '
. = = = = = = =
1 : TRAVELING WITH STANLEY
I - '
( ADVENTURES OF A FOURTH WARD
" \ YOUNG MAN IN AFRICA ,
r
K ' r The Poor Ignorant Natives-Never Even
J Heard of John I * . Sullivan Discov-
I ] I ( ery of the Original "She" Men-
I i f . l Honed by Rider Haggard.
. f I have just rocoived a letter
/ " > from a young friend who is
< 3 ' traveling with Stanloy Africa-
j fi nus. My friend's stago narao is Urn *
mI slopagaaa Inkoaikaasi , the Zulu , hut
Kv f tho Fourth Ward used to know him as
W ] A , Jacky McGinnis. Ho caught a case of
r stago fever in a dimo museum on tho
t Bowery and resolved to become a
f freak. Snbsequontlv ho decided that
a "Wild Man of tholesort" would be
I good enough for him , and ho adopted
the namo given above after perusing
Mr. Bid cr Haggard's intellectual Afri
can novels.
_ , J Then ho began to prepare himself for
J A * tho stage. Ho was an artist by nature ,
til and tho vulvar methods of the ordi-
Uu nary fakir wero beneath him. He had
Wju the honor of tho stage at heart , and so
I | ho resolved to study tho part from na-
] [ ture. This Jed to his joining Mr. Stan
di , ' ley's expedition in tho capacity of mis-
| " > sionary or any other light and ' genteel
J { employment su ted to the climate of
I
\ K tho interior of Africa. Tho strango
H ? > i - . . manuscript which ho forwards to me
Hii ! < camo in a bottle , accompanied by the
M | request : For tho love of mercy fill this
K-1 flask with Jersey whisky and send it
B'f back. "
MISSIONARY WORK WELL DONE.
Tho reader may bo led to doubt the
authenticity of this manuscript owing
to tho elegance of its diction , which is
scarcely oonsistent with tho fact that
Mr. Inkoaikaasi , nee McGinnis. was
born far in the interior of the Fourth
Ward , but in reality he has received
an almost classical education through
daily conversation with myself. I f ur-
nish similar instruction bv mail. Mr.
Inkosikaasi's manuscript fs in the form
of a diary. The last date is September
1. It is interesting to know that at
that time Mr. Stanloy had notsuftered
afiy of tho numerous " deaths which had
been meted out to him by tho news
papers , but , as my correspondent ob
serves , "a man can die very suddenly
in the center of Africa , so that tho fact
of a man's being alive one minute
need not prevent his relatives from
I contesting his will tho next. "
I pass over those passages in the
manuscript which describes the writer's
impression of the ocean becauso they
are too beautiful. I pass at once to an
interviewbetween Mr. Stanley and my
correspondent , which occurred in the
wilds of tho interior. It contains a
bran new explanation of tho real pur- ?
pose of the expedition.
Aug. 1. This is the first real oppor-
tunity I have had to interview Air.
Stanley , but I've got him now where
he can't get away. A hippopotamus
has just driven us both up a tree ; .
there is only one limb strong enough
to hold us , so we are necessarily quite
Intimate. *
"Stanley , said I , "now that we have
a few moments to ourselves , would t
you mind telling me just what the
dickens we came out here for ? " •
"Political considerations , my boy , " ,
said he.
'tf [ It beat anything I over heard. 1 ,
1 ) , know wo used to meet emigrants at
f y " * Quarantine and get them * up to the
\ f polls in tho old Fourth Ward before *
, f they knew the difference between
} Trinity church and Billy McGlory's ,
I but the idea of going clear to Africa to {
' I influence the"oolored vote ! It busts *
L J ! me. I was on the pointfof asking him
, J on the quiet whether he was working
| t in the interests of the Republicans or
the Democrats , but at that moment
at. the ppopotamus knocked the tree c
W down , and in the confusion that en-
*
* jf sued I lost my opportunity. " "
;
;
E v *
k ( '
" WOT ACCORDING TO QDEEKSBUBYKULES
} Aug. 2. When I joined Mr. Stanley's f ;
i troop I suppose that we should have -
W * " * our railroad fares paid out of tho gate
M receipts , butrit appears that we've got
M to walk. We've played to very poor
' * , business lately , anyhow. Only seen
t m - one aigger in the last four days and he
* -1 was dead. w
M. Aug. 4. Beached the native town of r
"M JimmyBoddy to-day. It is no good , tl ;
| | There is not a decent saloon in the p
# | " * " plaoe. There is very little good chewsi
II lag tobacco in this region and I begin tl ;
fel to long for tho gilded civilization of lc
theBuwerr.
I Aug. 7. For some days we have been d
m t , jr-y , hearing of a missionary who had sefc-
f / tied , just ahead of us. He brought a
* f ; Bible and a medicine chest with him.
\ f Both his drugs and bis theology were
J7 of the rigid , old school type , lormern
IK - ly when a native was sick ho went off
* and sat down somewhere and sworo n
) m\ \ till he gotwelL They found that if
}
m they accepted the missionary's Bible n
• i tbey couldn't swear , and if "they took C
his medicines they couldn't get well , t ; <
i-l | go they had a big dinner in tho native
| m ' style. When we arrived the mission-
I' ary was done to a turn and on the
V ' fV table. We did not try him , but tho
< a 'XJ natives said he was good. They Y
' J * ' * irantedmeior desert , butl declined. ai
jji Aug. 13. We have reached a better gi
T „ , -country. .The natives are friendly ,
eBf l1 " * # buttlMirlif brauce pains" me. Many v
ff .st ' ah bive neyer o n heardiof w (
Bf- _ 1fSullivan. . I tried to civilize them up a t <
Kflr , bit. "Teeterday I was explaining the
K " Queensberry rules to the chief of the
K ' -i tribe , and "had just shown him how
i ' * * John L. gets in his knock-out TjIow , j8
B : - when the old fellow got mad at a little
B- ' y x tap on hie bugle , and grabbing a spear jc
LBfi "V * " ' about as Jong as a telegraph pole , he n
B'Lr .chased.me over tke borders of his
m r " " realm. This disgusts me with mts-
> ' fionarywork.
n.
B B H *
" | | B , " - • _ , .
!
kxx % . 14. I try to talk with tho
principal peoplo out hero in order that
I may get on to their way of living.
Yesterday I had an interesting inter
view with a tiger * Ho appeared very
glad to see me. I shall miss the por
tions of my anatomy which he re
moved but , novcr mind , if I ever get
back to tho Bowery.I shall bo worth a
blamed sight moro salary as a curio
than I could ever havo drawn with all
my arms and legs on.
THE ORIGINAL OP "SHE. "
"Mac " , " said Stanley , to-day , "one
New "York paper says that wo are
dead. "
"Well , they aren't far enough out oi
the way to make any kick about it , "
said I.
From this point the entries in tho
diary merely refer to the fact that it is
hot , and tlfat walking is bad , up to
September 1 , when wo find tho follow
ing entry : "We have just discovered
the original of Rider Haggard's 'She. *
That story about her good looks is
another fake. She is homely enough
to adjourn a.camp meeting. She is a
literary woman and a female suffragist
from Boston , Mass. , and Haggard as
sumed that she was 2000 years old from
her photograph and tho amount that
sho thought sho knew. Ho received
theso particulars from a matrimonial
agency , and not desiring to accept tho
chance himself , ho wrote tho novel as
a kind of a complimentary reading no
tice for a lone woman. I asked tho
chief de cuisine of the villago where
• She' lives , why they kept her so long
when times were so hard , and ho re-i
plied that sho was too thin to roast but )
he hoped that in a yoar or two they
could ' fat her up enough to make a fair
soup. " Howahd Fielding.
,
THE TENOR SINGER'S REVENGE.
He was a tenor singer noted for thq
sweetness of his voico , and conse *
quontly a favorite with the public. This
2 E F m m2 * J 1 * P'
was gratify
ing to him buH
encores greWj
tiresome after
a time and hq
began to con
sider it unfaia
thatheshould
be compelled ;
to perform
double work
every night ;
> l that he sang. ;
Ho thought )
these things
r over until he ,
" waxed wrothj
Ono dav
* while prome
nading the principal street of the city
where he was singing , he thought ho
would do a little encoring himself and
see how it would work. He stepped
into a hat store , found the proprietor ,
whom he recognized as a patron of thq
opera , and aslced him the price of a
3ilk hat. n
"Seven dollars , " was the reply. '
Tho tenor selected ono and paid fo *
it , and then he shouted , "encore ! " ;
"What do you mean ! " asked the proi
prietor , in amazement. :
"Repeat the hat , " said the tenor.
"Certainly , sir , " said the proprietor ,
banding down another , an exact dupli-
cate.
• The man with a voice picked them ,
both up and started for the door.
"Hold on , there I" cried tho hatter ,
"you haven't paid for that other hat. '
"I got it on an encore , " explained
the tenor.
"An "
encore ?
"Yes , it's an encore hat. I paid foa
ane and then I called for an encorq
indgotit. That's all right. "
"But we don'tdo business that way. "
"You oblige us to , though. "
"Explain. "
"Tres volontiers. You were at tha
spera last night , wero you not ? "
"Yes , I was there ; but I don't see
what that has to do with you getting
i hat for nothing. "
"Listen. You paid to hear the e
spera sung ? "
" I did. I'm
"Certainly no deadhead ,
5'pose we call the two hats " f
"Don't call them yet. You didn't n
pay to hear that opera sung twice , did v
Srou ? " 1
"How absurd ! Certainly not. What J
lo you say to twelve dollars for tho *
wo "
"Say nothing until I get through. I "
xm the tenor of that opera troupe , g
Nearly every arie that I sang I was refc
quired to repeat , and if I am not mis- s
aken you yelled encore louder than „
my one else. Metaphorically speak-
ngt y ° a "were getting two hats and
&is caps the climax for the price of "
me ; see ? " ' "W
The hatter did see , and he wanted to o
Hake tho singer a present of a hat to b
et ( the matter even , but he declined it , C
iowed and pursued the even , tenor of %
lis way.
The Classical Test.
Wonder if the young man Anderson , \
nrho has just married Lawrence Barn
rett's < daughter was able to go through ;
ho catechism without s
required trip-
ping ? An ambitious young man is . e
iaid to have once lost his soul's delight ,
be fair Miss B. , as a sequel to a diac
ogue which ran about as follows : ri
Mr. Barrett "Young man , aro your e
lesigns on my daughter honorable ? " e
Young man "Perfectly. " _
"You want to marry her ? " f
"With all my heart. "
"Can you tell me , sir , can you tell B1
no who was Cato's father-in-law ? "
"Didn't even Know that Cato was a
narried. " b
"That settles it , sir. No man so igh
lorant as not to know whose daughter t
Uato married can ever claim my daugha
eras his wife. "
j
8"
Both in Luck. fl
Uncle Tom , you are incorrigible , g
iTou do nothing but spend money. I fl
lm glad you are the only nephew I've vi
jot. si
Nephew That's what I say. I am fl
rery ( gladjl'm your onlynephew ; other- _
vise ! thete would not bo ehoughlmoney '
o go around. Wo aro both in luck. * '
: . tj
• Every Evidence of It. K
Miss Guiless ( gazing fondly at her J
father through the dining-room door ) h
"Dear me ! JBowsad pa looks ! To , "
ook at him , Mr. Bounder , you would j
lever , suspect him to be full * of spirits , a
vould vou ? "
C )
Mr. Rounder ( critically ) "Well , no , u
lot exactly full yet , but "be will be very j
ihortly. "
a.
. . . . . . . . . . ,
• < i i ii I i.4iil > li. iir. ill Iii. i.ii i. mi i i i n /iiiin.iyw" n " -.L fK *
'
<
p
A FAIR QUIXOTE.
"Iris" relates theFortnqcs ofaKooUlEcrormer.
Last week I wrote of a Western girl
who undertook a tilt with a son of
Eastern chivalry on tho subject of
nature's nobleman as opposed to
society's. Tho intrepid spirit of this
femalo might havo inspired an epic ,
treated in the Homeric style. She
was of the stuff of heroines. She
spent some time in New York , and
endeavor in thnt enervating atmos-
qhere to keep untainted the vigorous
health of her views.
Her friends regarded her as n o better
than an anarchist. An admirer said
to her once , when tho welkin was
ringing with her socialistic theories :
"My dear Miss Brown , if you had
lived in Russia , you would by tliia
time havo attempted to blow up the
Czar with a bomb. "
She said she thought it likely , and
was quiet certain that she would
have been sent to Siberia. She.was
one of those peoplo whose vie w s
latent in piping times of peace , at
tho first chafing of opposite rise hot
to the surface. In tho West the
germ of her rampant republicanism
lay dormant in dry , peeling bulbs ; in
the air of the East it shot up of a
sudden like Jack's bean-stack. Sho
was the champion of tho socially
weak , the fashionably incompetent *
If there was anybody not mentally
incapable upon whom society turned
its elegant back , she performed the
good Samaritan act , and crossed the
road to console and protect. Her
antagonism was furious aroused by
the easy , careless manner of the pro-
cession , as it marched past the feeble
ones unable to keep up. One day in
speaking of this she said :
"I want to keep myself unspotted
from this great , heartless selfish city ,
It's a beautiful place and people lead
magnificent lives , but I never saw so
many small prejudices , so much naru
rowness and meanness. I suppose
the people here would be broad and
liberal. "
.
So ' she set forth on a stormy career ,
breaking lances right and left , and
showing the most undaunted valor ,
"in the face of fearful odds. " In or-
der to keep her republicanism green ,
she collected quite a menagerie of so-
cially infirm pets , to whose standard
she rallied at the cry for help. She
generally took up hopeless cases ,
One of them , I remember , was a fam
ily of a mother , a father , and two
daughters ; let us call them Smiths.
Like all enthusiasts she rather overd
did it , and was always cramming her
Smiths down the throats of her
friends. The Smiths were good , hon
est , noble-hearted people. Society
-
dispproved . of them because thpy all
talked through their noses , all talked
at once , and all , in cold blood , raura
dered tlie grammar-books , and dancsi
ed a war-dance on their mangled re1
mains. Mrs. Smith was in character
the strongest , in grammar tho weakc
est. She used to run a-muck through
|
Lindley Murray. She always alluded
to her husband as "Pop Smith. " t
This was her social death-blow. The
charms of her kindly heart and gentl
erous disposition would have borne
her trium phantly over the rapids of
of having "seen him done it , " or
have piloted herihrough ; the shoals
of "my daughter Polly nint no fool , "
but npon the ignominious and deseIt
crating "Pop Smith" she foundered , p
The girls were not quite as unbrih
died in their passion for breaking the a
grammar's spirit. They generously ft
admitted that it had something on cj
its \ side. To be sure , they were known tl
to _ "enjoy poor health , " and similar
strange derangements were showered c
upon them by prodigal nature. They ii
even indulged in the pernicious habit ti
of "taking rides on ferry-boats , " and I
il must be consequently presumed
they not infrequently "took a sail on
horseback , " or a "gallop on the elefe
vated railway. " One ofthem was ar
tistic : , and occasionally in a bout with
the j French pigments she was downed , si
She had a peculiar way of rendering J
"Mauve , " to which only the pen of a a
great writer could dofulljustice. I pi
know that tho terminal "e" was not &
slighted. And for many reckless and
unthinking years she called the "Sal
magundi Club" the "Solomon Grunfii
dy , " a compliment to the gentleman Si
whose little life was rounded off in
one portentous week ; but there have
been more timely complim'ents.
Overlooking these harmless-eccentric
ities , she was a charming girl. S
This was thefamily the Western rehi
former undertook to float on thep
Eastern market. She could not do
" p
it. \ "Martin Luther , and Fox , and
Calvin could not have done it. The re
spirits of the family were willing si
enough , but the grammar was still in
weak. It had rickets of tho most in-
curable form. Whenever their pat- p
ron and her friends had built alovely
edifice < in which the Smith family sat w
enthroned in a photographically n
posed , group , down upon it came in
"Pop Smith , " and the whole was lo
smashed to atomB. uf
The reformer's second venture was it
forlorn young man Jones. Everyfr
body knew Jones , and most men liked w
him always a good sign. But to
those ] tovhoin society was Alpha if
and Omega , Jones was a hobgoblin. d
Hostesses dreaded , him ; buds , with te
strongly developed social instincts , B
fled from him. He could hardly ever tl
get a dance ; weedfly exuberant wallge
flowers were his only resource. What te
wasiihe reason it would be hard to up ]
say. His main fault lay in tlie fact
that he always yelled when he talked , te
QandLthe more selltime tnl hj apw , „ a ]
'the lo ude he yelled. Thisofcburse , 'm
was conspicuous ; but some women cc
like to be conspicuous in their sentitl
mentalities. Pinning down one of w
his deriders , they would say , vaguely :
"Oh he's too common ! " hi
"Now , just tell me , " cried his ex4 (
asperated patroness , "what'3 there it <
common about him ? Has he , ever ied <
been rude to you or any one ? " for
00tmiV6met40mBIMtlGIllmml1 < 'n'iiMPiUri ' y iiil. < ) , i < i n nl
. ' * - ' , . . . ' . . • . . .
Hi" l l iiui. miiiiHii mi miriT - * - > , ,
" & sf * * • * * V * ' * ? -
, _ V f\ * v , ' ' te - - r . _
G J. *
* -t , t j-
"No.M - - -
"Has ho over used common slnng ,
or vulgar expressions , or horse-jocko.ii
language like that mnn you're all
ready to run after all overthe coun
try ? "
"No ; " reluctant ' .
"You aever heard him say a big ,
big D , even on tho bnllfield when hf
was hit on the head with a foul that
nearly killed him , and yet the men
with whom you play tennis often
swear tho most wicked swears wher
, they missa ball ? "
"Yea ; to bo sure. "
"And he's much brighter than the
usual ' he "
run isn't ?
"Oh , he's all that , " impatiently ,
"but we don't like him ; we don't
want him ; we can get better ones. "
"I suppose those are the eighteen-
year-olds , who always have the tops
] of their mouths , becauso it's such a
short i time since they gave up the
bottle ' ? " and with this Parthian shaft
tho 1 defender of Jones withdraws in
wrath.to her tent.
She fought for Jones single handed
against j all the feminines and most
of < the masculines ' of her world. She
danced ( with him whenever she could ,
and created much gossip and some
ill-humor. In one or two cases she
suffered sights through hcrunfortuni
ate protege. Of these she once told
me with rage and fury. *
, She had a lover , an agreeable ,
harmless , and rather vapid young
man , who , like Pooh-Bah , * was the
victim < of anoverpoweringfamily pride ,
It rarely obtruded itself , but it was
ingrained in his nature. Tn the depths
of his heart he thought that the dami
seltowhom he offered his empty
but aristocratic hand should sink
down in a joyous swoon , like Esther
before the raised sceptre of Ahasuerus.
The { Western reformer enslaved his
fancy , but it galled him to have to
acknowledge the plebeian Jones as
a rival. Ho plotted to overthrow
him.
One evening , at a dance , the lady
sat in a corner , Jones besido her , and
herfootontheloworrungof an empty
chair. To occupy this throne did
her other admirer seriously incline.
He looked upon it longingly and cog
itated. Finally , he determined on a
bold coup , crossed the room , sat
down on the vacant chair with his
back to Jones ( of whom he took no
notice ) , and cut their talk in twain ,
His manner showed plainly his intens
tion of freezing the other out by ig-
noring his presence. With commendc
.able coolness he grabbed the converd
sation , and before they could recover
from their mental colapse , had di-
rected it in a course unknown to
Jones. Such was the situation when
the lady said in tones of ice : Mr. So-
and-So , don't you know ray friend ,
Mr. Jones- '
The high-born youth blushed to the
parting on his brow , and said , with a
half-nod : "Mr. Jones happy to
meet you. "
Then there was an awful silence.
The lady bit her lips in rosy anger ,
the man of lineage felt himself at a
disadvantage. Jones alone remained
imperturbable , but there was that in
his concentrated gaze , which said :
"Come one , come all , this rock shall fly
From its firm base as soon as I. "
It was the aggressor who eventual-
lyfled from the firm base of the
coveted chair , frozen by the ice res
serve of his divinity , who would hard-
lylook at him. She subsequently
dragged him ignominiously at her
chariot-wheels ] , which is a poetic way
of saying that she "wiped the ground
with him. " This is an archaic cus
tom < , which dates from the day when
Achilles dragged dead Hector round
the walls of Troy.
At another time , also a dance , she
sat conversing with an admirer and
an incipient admirer. In their charmb
ing circle Jones penetrated ; suing for
dance. He sat down and the
lady introduced him to her comp
panions. The admirer was polite in
his acknowledgments , the incipient
admirer suddenly stiffened as though
frozen. The lady walked off with the
cause of stiffness. "Left alone , " said
the I. A. to the A.
"What induces Miss Brown to enu
courage < that man so ? He's simply
insupportable. That's the third " g
time I've been introduced to him. and
always cut him the next day. " t
"Why ? "
"Oh I don't know most of the :
fellows do. "
"I see ; it's the correct thing ! " |
Here the A. saw his loved one 1
standing , out of breath , by a pillar ,
Jones gone on a quest for a leraon-
ade , and he flew to join her and im- .
part the above conversation as :
8
something particularly choice. e
And after all this she married Jones ?
Alas , no ! There comes a time when
finite benevolence ceases to exist. °
San Francisco Argonaut.
1 • 1
"Throngh Sheer Cussedness. "
Ir
New York Tribune says : De LesB1
seps would have been a marvel if h6 h
had persuaded the government oi |
France to see him through with the ,
Panama Canal. A contractor but f
recently returned from the Isthmus
says that more money has been , sunk
the ditch than is required to com
plete ] it. v
I inquired how the money had beenv
wasted. "Through sheer cussedy
ness , " he replied. "I'll give you an '
instance. The best make of American
locomotives , Baldwin's , I think , are
used for hauling away the earth as
is excavated. They pull the cars
from the cuts out on to the dumps , a
where the unloading is done.
"The tracks are downgrade , and
a train gets loose , nine times in a
dozen it goes overthedump. I coun- -
ted no less than twenty brand-new j
Baldwin engines lying at the base of
these dumps. It was impossible to
get them back on the rails without
taking them to pieces or lifting them :
with derricks. '
"There were no derricks big enough ' (
handle them , and taking them C
men didn't Know-how tcrgo about it C
" "
consequently "they were left where J
they fell , to be covered up by the
waste earth. \
"These twenty locomotives mu3t
have cost , delivered at the Isthmus ,
40,000 francs apiece. So here's an E
item of 800,000 francs literally bur
out of sight and nothing to chow
it. " "
1 SI
b
| i
; T"
r
*
The ootorK r r.
Ttro nsonts for a now kind of churn
camo to tho honso of Dr. Ii of Pnno-
Ja county , Mississippi , in tho ovonin } ?
andwero invited to spend the ni liL
WJiile ono was cnrincrlor the horses the
doctor , conversing with tho other , fdnud
tho men were from a placo where ho had
jirncticed mediciuo in his youth. In
quiring abont difforont porsous ho at
length asked : "And tho Misses Brown ,
whero aro they ? They woro without
doubt tho most ugly women I ever saw. "
"Yes , " said the airent.
"What became of them ? "
"Odc is my wife. " ,
There wns silence.
Tho doctor presently loft the room.
Going to tho stable J10 saw tho other
ajrent and mado a confident of him ,
winding up with : "Well , thoy wero un-
\ commonly ugly women. Did you over
see them ? "
"Yes. " .
And he married the other.
Dr. L claims that this is the only
break ho ever mado in entertaining
btrangors. ' .Detroit Free Press.
In Good Sliapo
.MeOrrBor ( Tex. ) Obierrcr , Jan. 5.
While talkiug to Mr. T. S. O. Hatch
a few days ago we asked him a fow
pointers ] in regard to his luck in the
Louisiana J Stato Lottery. Mr. Hatch
stated that ho had been in tho habit of
investing i for some months past a
few i dollars in tho lottery. Ho pur-
chased ton fortieth tickets about 10th
Decerabor ] , 1888 , among the ton was No.
09,704 ( , tho same being tho number that
drew the capital prize , $000,000.
"What did you do when yon were in
formed j that you had drawn $15,000 , Mr.
Hatch ? "
"I went at onco io Wnco and depos-
itcd my ticket with the American NaI
tional * bank , and took their receipt for
the * same. Four days after I deposited
my ticket I was paid by the American
National bank the $15,000. "
Mr. Hatch has a wife and six children.
Ho was comparatively a poor man ,
workinsr as overseer of the W. P. Gaines
big valley farm , three miles south from
McGregor } , on a salary. " He is a man of
judgment , arid thero is 110 doubt but
that he will properly invest his monej\
Mr. Hatch will continue as overseer for
Colonel Gaines.
The Germans have a great deal oi terri
tory , but tbey want Samoa.
The Russian budget tor 1889 shows a
surplus income of 2,000.000 rubles.
Doe * Hie Eiirtli Iteally ITIove ?
Science says that it does , but we cannot
help ] wondering sometimes if there isn't
some mistake about it , when we see how
stubbornly certain old fogies cling to their
musty and antiquated ideas. It was be-
j ]
Moved once thnt consumption was in
curable , and although it 1ms been clearly
demonstrated that it is not , thousands of
old-time physicians close their eyes and
put their hands to their ears and refuse to
abandon the theory. But for all that tho
world moves on , and Dr. Pierce's Golden
Medical Discovery continues to resci'e Bur-
forcrs < from consumptives' graves. It is a
sure cure for this dreaded disease , if taken
in time. All scrofulous dispnseB and con-
sumption is included in this list yield
to it.
Adam Forepaugh is said to bo worth § 1 , -
500,000.
"Purcatory Bullets. "
An excited Irishman lately rushed into a
Boston drug stor < - , having a "broken-up '
appenranre generally. "Be jabbers ! " ho
yelled , "I'm all wrong entirely. I want
some shtuff to straighten mo out. Somp 'o
thira 'Purgatory Bullets' will 'fix me , I'm
thinkin' . What d'ye tax for thim ? "
"What do you mean ? " asked tho cleric.
' "Purgatory Bullets , ' sor , or somethin *
loike \ \ that , they call thim , " replied the man.
"Shure , I'm in purgatory already , with
headache j , and liver complaint , and bad
shtolnach , and the divil knows what all. "
The clerk passed out a vial of Dr. Pierce's
Pleasant Purgative Pellets , and Pat went
off contented. These little Pellets euro all
derangements of liver , stomach and bo we's. '
Sugar-coated , little larger than mustard
seeds , and pleasant to take. Druggists.
If marriage is a success , divorce is a sueI
cessor. Puck.
Slinll Women Be Allowed to Votel
, The question of female suffrage hns agi-
tated the tongues and pens of reformers
for many years , and good 'arguments have
been adduced for and against it. Many of
the ] softer sex could vote intelligently , and
many would vote as their husbands did ,
and give no thought to the merits of a
political issue. Thoy would all vote for
Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescription , for they
know it is a boon to their sex. It is un-
equaled ' for the cure of leucorrhea , abnor-
mal discharges , morning sickness , and tho
countless ills to which women are subject.
It is tho only remedy for woman's peculiar
weaknesses and ailments , sold by druggists ,
under a positive guarantee from tho manu jj
facturers , that it will give satisfaction in ai
,
e\ery case , or money Avill bo refunded. See f
guarantee , on wrapper around bottle. m
mn
A naval engagement Popping the ques-
tion , at soa. ' 1 ime.
. Consumption Surely Cured.
To the Editor : Please inform your read3
ers that I have a positive remedy for cono
sumption. ; By its timely use thousands of J
hopeless cases " have been permanently te
cured. I shall be glad to send two bottles
of my remedy free to any of your read- t
ers who have consumption if they willsend J
.me their express and P. 0. address. Re- !
spectfully , T. A. SL.OCUM , M. C , 181 Pearl h
street , New York.
Dr. Thurber has been appointed pastor
of the American church in Rue Berrie.
Stop tuat Concli.
Many peoplo neglect what they call a V
simple cold , which , if not checked in time. tJ
may lead to Lung trouble. Scott's Emul- _
sion of Pure Cod Liver Oil , with Hypophos U
phites , will not only stop the cough but f
heal the lungs. Endorsed by thousands o ( a
Physicians. Palatable as milk. Try it.
Sold by all druggists. J
Large deposits of salt have recently been I
found in New South Wales. 1
I 1I
Wtirn Ilabjr w.o sick , we { rare lier Castoria.
Wb n sheno * .1 Child , the cried for Castoria.
"Whrn she bpcnme MiRg. he clung to Castoria.
Wh < * n she had Children , ehe pave them Castoria. J
Ostrich racing ia developing as a standW
ard sport in southern California. ZL
When a man howls about his mother-in-
law , it ia usually a sign that he abuses his
wife.
The debt of Pennsylvania has been re
duced $1,118,550 during the year.
Ireland no longer sends the greatest num
ber of emigrants to thia country.
BOWS THIS !
Wa offer One Hundred Dollars Bewarl
for any case of Catarrh that can not be
cured ! by takinc Hall's Catarrh Cure.
F. J. CHENEY & CO. , Prop „ Toledo. O.
We , the uadcrsixned , have known F. J. . _
Cneneyf6r ilhe last T5 years ; and believe *
him perfectly honorable in all business 4
transactions , and financially able to carry /
ont any obligations made by their firm. *
West & Trunx , Wholesale Druggist * , Tole
do , Ohio. fj
Waldfng. Kinnin & Marvin , Wholesale I
Druggists , Toledo , Ohio , I
E.H. Van Hoescn , Cashjer , Toledo NaI
tional Bank , Toledo , Ohio. I
Hall's Catarrh Cure is taten internally (
acting directly upon the hlood and mucus .
surfaces of the sya'em , XJrice,75 cenis per S
bottle. Sold by all Druggidta. E
;
iViTi < > wKjnilRy'C17TS5Mi B Ws WaFfc > Sp'i ii iii a !
" • * " • ' ; v"v ; ' ' ' 'i ' ' ! " " " % iih.w- . . . - . . -
"Art hi long and tlma In fleetlnjr , " and It
is too bad to spend half of a short life dis
tressed with nouralgla.when 25 cents spent
lor ono boitla of Salvation Oil will euro It
quickly.
Georgo ConltHn , tho Hon-tamer , aaya he
will havo nothing to do with cross-eyed
aniinnls , nor uho any other remedy for his
coughs and colds but Dr. Bull' * Cough
Syrup. Ho aaya it Is the only reliable
cough mediclno to bo had.
In ancient times everybody played tha
lyre. Nowadays tho liar plays everybody.
Grand Excursion t. Colorado.
On February 26th a grand excursion for
land aookers to Alamosa in tha sunny 8un
Luis Valley will be run on any regular
train over all roads leaving Missouri River
points. Faro for round trip $30. Tickets
good j : to return in twenty daya. Special
round trip rate of $1 will be made by tho
Denver and Rio Grande Railroad from
Alamosa to Del Norte , Monte Vista , La
Jara ; , Antonito and Fort Garland. Tickets
will read through Denver , Colorado Springs
or 1 Pueblo. Tha San Luis Valley is the
great l agricultural empire of Colorado , and
offers ut/equnled inducements to the
J "
farmor and stock grower. For details in-
< uiro of nearest tickot agent. 8. K.
? ] Tooper , General Po-isengor Agent Denver &
Rio 3 Grande Railroad.
The popo has sent chalices to Cardinal
Newman 3 and tho archbishops of Glasgow.
For Coughs and throat troubles uso
"Brown's Bnoxcni.u. Tnocuns. " "They
stop an attack of my asthma cough very
promptIy.C. . Falch , Miamlville , Ohio.
A baby born at Harrisburg some days
ago hud , it is claimed , two teeth at birth.
Jfuffllctrrtwlth SoreEyei. ihr Dr. I ais Tliomp
ion' Kre Water. DruesUti sell It. 23c
The severe drought in South Australia
has been broken by copious rains.
: ,
MakesYouHungry I I
"I have used Palne's Celery Compound and
tt has had a salutary effect. It Invigorated
v. the system and I
/ \ w. feel like a new
-Jj f\uJy ijj tho appetite and
/jLkKQ&x. Jc facilitates dlgea-
tion. " J. T.
fs > ( S copk-
k 1 fe *
{ i i + jLii &yLAXp , i > runus , S.C.
Palne's
Celery Compound
Is a unique tonic and appetizer. Pleasant to
the ta-ste , quick In Its action , and without any
'lnlurloua efTcct , It gives that nigged health
1 which makes cvco'tliU'g' taste good. It cures
dyspepsia and kindred disorders. Physicians
prescribe 1 It , and you will recommend It attor
you have used It. $1.00. Six ror$3.oo. Druggists.
Wells , IUCUA11DS0N & Co. , Burlington , VU
Builds Up the System ,
" In tho sprinfr of 18871 was all run down. I would
( ret up In the morning : with so tired a fcellnfr. and
was so weak that I could hardly feet around. I
bought a bottle of 1'alce's Celery * Compound , and
before I bad taken it a week I felt very much better.
I can cheerfully recommend it to all who uced a
building-up and strengthening'medicine. "
Mrs. B. A. Dow. Dnrllntfton. Yt
LACTATED i FOOD % E ? ff gL
DIAMOND / DYES Zg r/gS&g-
I
1
- _ - _ _ _ _ . A11'otltirrly'Mired lijfl
PADTITDO HifeLlttlpPlIk H
Bjf-lll iLlltJ 'rhey all ° reiioTo PI-H
w i M bilV
tr ( 5frouiDsi > ep U.Iu | |
Hw-p | p ( Pge3tio&citdX < ioIcartyB
- FITlLfa Eating. A porfect ieut-0
E9 I # iTD edyforDiz ueiu.Xaiiac3y |
s I V EL hVronriaoHn , Bod Tastrgi
El Bllir ln tho Mouth. . Coatrdg
H flLlad. Tongun.Pain in tho Side M
3 HI TOKPiD LTVEK. Thejl
I BflAs * Bj * H retrulate tho BowoIs.S
I ! HfiHHSSfl Purolv VocPtable. ffl fJ
1 1 Prlcu 25 Cents. | j S
CAETE3 MEDICINE CO. , ITS YOilK. I -
Small Pill. Small Dose. Small Price |
Z
|
I
|
P il ElyTs Cream Balm | ,
I
I fefi Cold in Head |
Bss L g-a jKI.Y BHOS. . M Warren t. K. Y
INSOUK IN *
THE MUTUAL LIFEINSURANCE COMPANY
Th Larseit. Cheapen an J iicit la the World. - '
CASH ASSETS 8130.000.000. | \
SllIOifGOETZ. TTM. P. ALLEN" . _
Special Aceak OenernI Agent.
_
I CURE FITS ! \
I do not mean merely to stop them lora time and
then have them return. 1 mean a radical cure. I have
inadeHTS , EPILEPSY or PALLING SICKNESS a
Jue-IODfr study. I warrant my remrdy to cure the
wont cases. Becauso others hivp failed is no reason *
lornotnowreccivinfracure. Send at once for treatta a
andPTeeBcttleofmyinfalhblerempdy. GiveEsprcss C
nd P. O. H. G. KOOT. 31. C. 18t : Fearl Kt. K V
VASELINE PREPARATIONS.
On receipt of postage stamp * ire will lend free by
mall the followlnc splendid articles :
Ono Box of Pure Vntrline. - - JO cts.
Ona Box of Vaseline Cimphor Ice , 15 cts.
One itoxof Vaseline Cold Cream. 15 cts.
ao \ incline is Kcnuine unless our name Is oa ths la- *
beL CuicsiBKOUOHlPF'oCo atSwteSt.NcwYork. p
WW B ? % it Ftesh Reliable. Only 2 and 3
% bkll % cents per larec package. OX3.00J
O C U sl ! Noy.cty Presents Fkeb. Mam- _
W BBW moth &eed 1 arms. Ono acre * *
' Bb'cK omor e a fe , j
A . , alfV | A find that Pi = o's Cure Xf
11 % aTl lUrior Con umplion not < S
imAllllTi\ ] r KVEKTS , but b'
| JTHA-4 alco CUBES Hoarse- J
Uf "II T Jjk Omaha property and land T
< fc
Will I | 3DB forstockJof mcrchacdlse. I
Lands lioustit and I
ex-
changed. D. I. Thornton. Kl y. 13th bt , Omaha , Xeb. I
lllf'n An energetic salesman and 1
IWflH I r IIone sales ady In roar county 1
• * * • * B ! .
to iel our goods by Sample. I
Address WESTEKK AGEXCY CO. . Omaha , Xel > . I
OLE'S TESTED SEEDQ J
Cole's Ttlas. Garden Annual Free. % #
Latest N-veltlc. lowest prices. Allsbould B %
hayelt. Cale fcIJrafceedimen.Pela.lE. ! J <
" *
BBBB i HHJiiiBB a su re icTtiui -
KIDDER'S PASTILLESs j : o • •
HBIHHHHl HHIllHIH Cbarlcstosn , Mas ?
4
U I fHJi CT STUDY. Book-keeping ; Penmanship ,
ITJ IWI Ea Arithmetic Shorthand , etc. . thor- -
nuahly tancht by mail. IjOw rates. Circulars fre . /
BK YAST'S COLLEGE. * 31 Malu St. . Bullalo. S. Y. *
* ACi | | | | A CAN BF.CURED. AtrialbotC
NV | HHII Htl < " nt rre to any one afllrted. J
HV I | llflfDa.TAFrBROiocbesterIwY *
liiM'H''IiHa'i.il'h'Fl'swIdlillxJ ' ' r
LA
\
VwUfl t nythiBp l in the world Either x.CotU < wt
rxxx. Term * rait. Addmt. TkceA Co Jloiuu.llais .
S
,
-1
CTJAcoBsoir M
W TRADE pSagPSp MA K I "t8
iitMEDY PAIN M
CURES PROMPTLY JH
6PRAIN8 , STRAINS , 1
HURT . li
CONQUERS t PAIN. HEALS , CURESJM
.
' * -J B
At Dnvcoisr and DtAtrw. - &m
HIE CHARLES A. VOCELEH CO. . Baltfmer ? . U4. WS\ \
Diamond , Vera-Cura i
A POSITIVE COKE FOB INDIGESTION AND AL& ' M
Etomtch Troubles Arltlng Therefrom. 'JiH
Tour Drugadt or Gtneral DtaUr xeill gtt Ttra > ' 19
Cum ! ftir vouf \ not atrtailv tn stock , or it ulllbe iepr "Wm
by mail on receipt of 23 cu. u boxes itCD ) in itampt JjSj
Sample tent on receipt of Scent ittimp. ' vg
J TnE CUABLES A. VOOELERCO Baltlmorf.Md. jl
HMM1 j I
Swift's Specific cured me of mallsnnnt Blood Iol * •
on alter I bad been treated In atnwlth old so-called ?
remedies of Mercury nnd I'otnsh. 8. S. B. not only ' 41
cured tha Blood l'ol on. but rcllorod the Bheu- -j !
tnatlim which was enured by the nol onous minerals. If
GKO.BOVKLUSmaiATenuo.N.T. ' ?
Nine years ago Scrofula attacked iwoormychll- ' 4
dren , and thoy were badly atlllctcd with that dlt- > l
oasc. which resisted the treatment of my family 4 |
physician. I wns persuaded tn use Swift's SpeclBo ' 'j ,
or seelnc an account of cures In my county paper. fc/ '
The Improvement wa * apparent from the first few , K.
doses , and In a short tlmo ray chlldrun were cured. j -Tj
and are still sound and well.
JOHN WII.MA3IS.J xlnjton.VB. : I
Swirr'a Sr-rcmc Is entirely a recitable remedy ,
and Is tho only medicine which permanently cures B
Scrofula , Blood Humors. Cancer nnd Contagious a
Blood l'olson. Send for bmiki mi Illood and Skin 9
Diseases , mailed free. TIIKSWIKTSI'KCIFICCO. fl
Drawer 3 , Atlanta , Uo. , |
i MONEYwOMEN | <
Wo ofTer nn easy way to make hundreds of
dollars between now and July 1st , Jfci'J. We pay
Good Wapm , 0EZifttf\ a free present
besides ofterinjr ejUOWsLf to tho person
who Blmll do the best work for us : 8100 to
tho second , ami eo on down. These prizes
arc EXTUA compcntntlnii to the best workers.
A good rliance to pay off thnt mortgage , securo
a florae , or start housekeeping.
CURT8S PUBLISHING CO.
PHILADELPHIA , PA.
ObIj 0 $3 $ for fm-TMsM
, * " ? 'X f * * > _ This Is Jets UTanthooort
Mtoii VsS-iJi Z to manufacture by aay Zi
KiaB otberconcern. All scale * i
Biy are nnrly flnlihril with II
ZSC . k Jr > I"Junnd < JoW.Steel il
W-P"'T * itflnfPJ Eearlnrs , lira. * * beam and
, * A 1 packeuln inIebojeaI. (
'I I .
I oal0001a.riat/onn8caj < >
4Wk - W3on rollers for (13. A 300O
y ft 5 "Jfc * tock scale J0. A aton.
SgR&iijSmXl (23 warnn Bcalo $13. uiltS.
i H Hrwr ton for VA. Xny th b > - < k
aS m m and wit money. Unit for
frtxLltho2raplie < 3Clnrula .
_ American Farm Seals Co. , Chicago.
I %
| hort mowTpumts !
AND 8EED3 1
Are acknowledged tho beet being hardier , j
more prodactlTO and yield better crops. .
FINE 1XI.TJSTKATKD CATALOG UK |
CoBUlnla ; mmlj U > a L it rtrlitlt , mall.it Crc * oa jpll-
ettloo. WRITS SOB tT.
X , . To.TJZJ ZAj CO. , . '
j FLOBISTS AhO StCDSMIN , St. Paui , Minn I
OH 30 DAYS' TR3AL.
. -srSTOSSgas THIS NEW
W B SlELflSTIG TRUSS
VBfaY5vi5 ? rgc-gilla tt Tail uKTrrrnt from all
ti&JVywpZJwStgSBr other * , is cup ihaptr.wltn Self-
Q | ' ' " ' 'tfVuiljimtlnsllall In renrr. il pt
OB , Ja Itffirto ill.o III ni'Olthuboily. lilU
K j& thP ball intiiecup prczsos back
ii * intestine" Just oa n per
son dooa with tho finger , with itcht pn .m
holtrrnla I h-U eru > iy itnynnilt IrIiI.hcJ nraillf-il
cure < ert ln. lt' ! > p > 'T i'nral > loandMi P ScuttiriimII.
Crcalar troo. ECGttSTO. 'i lUUSS UtQ. CO. , Cfclc > cf IU
TTiJ""fc" fl ' Pre rribi and fully im
• " Tffl rtorm > I' .ljr C as Ihn ouly
qjKftr Cc.sta . * C3l R | > e < , ilii-fi > rtliefertaini.iir
ESS ? * TO 3 DAT3. > „ f ihlnillKPas , . .
fsffi S3i w r * . .McinAiiAM. . f i ; . 1
KGQ Amstf-rdam , X. V.
ESS yrdoaljbjU" Wo haveold BIr lor 1
Bt3ls O L-fl fls many yt-ars. and It has ,
llrfF clTen the best of satis- | |
TjKllov M D.nl'DYCnKACO. . . I
Tnit Hl P lirtl Sl.CC. RoldbyDrutrplstsI 1
ffi AflTOSidADAY [ ! " j
p liSB'i' * Ist * agents wasted : I
VV'E' ' SaM r KnBrewstor * 8nfetyReln *
mmMmm1101 given away to intro- n
miiWffTaFp-ducethem , Kvery horse ownprbrtys 1
mmfSi E from 1 to . IJnes ncrcr under horse's a
YlW Xm feetSendZi cents In stamps to pay u
JsTiIii ! lsB PO'tnge and packing for Ntclcl * f
KIM < m\mlMl tinted Sample that sells for tt $
\i\fiSiT \ tWi cetsAddress , {
WfiyAt * * Brewster Mf g Co. , HollvMich. 3
MpW&mffijmeTKtUct HOOK everh '
WtmUm mtLiWVrinteil. Thousands of U t i
V Engravings. Best SEED g ,
_ _ I7W . & cheapest ever grown. fc3 J
feaBSS JPAXs 3c C/ieap as dirt by Tw\ [ • j
\ Ts zZZSttz02. . tllb. . 100 000 pkts.nev ; 'Kki |
lorf ( * divided FREK fo Vustomtrt. I give * a J
away more than some Arms icll. Send for my " a
Catalotrue. K. H. Shumway , Itockford , 111. |
JONES " I
a Ton YVacon Healti. 1
Irta L . ti. . Sml Zttrtntt , Sru ii
Twa Bi m as < tnn B.t tar W
Tjttr tin Unit. Ttrlmprltillat a
• * tl muctiaa : kla paper a 4 a4dr.n
I If iMtS OF BIIBHAMTIR. I
BI.M.UAMTOM.N. if. |
THE SEED MAN ;
Xt. AV. GATt3 > rVJER , Frpeport , 111. , *
Successor to Cardner Brtjs. will send ton lijs f
beautiful Seed CiMlogUi for 1889 FREE.
The Cheapest SEED HOUSE in America. {
More seeds for the money tnan yon - n buy
elsewhere. PACKETS 3 Cents. TRY U8.
ASTHMA CUREpl
GeraaLB AstitEBa.CnreseTeryatItu > KlTe < > bB
stediaureive/in the worst caea4nsaresconifo < t.H
able sleep ; effects cares where all others fall. AM
mtrialetmanetttowtotttktjxieal. PrlcedOc.acdH
sl K oSDrt latsorbrcisiL 8ampleFkras |
Bforstamp. Jxn..saatyTilA .St. failiiiaaM
OHLlOIYILII r . : r < : ' -
t-ctatilanr. Wares S3 Per Day. renaaient pnitin. 5
aula aatwa < t Moaty adraseel far vartt. ad'aTtlaiar. * ( a.
Centennial Msnufactunnz Co. , Cincinnati , Ohi * .
EJ * tfn.find PIso's Cure for
* f a 74 r * BGCongomptlon TH E
H VH-ja-k' - " BEST remedy for
ya ] - NJ _ -\ftJ boarsenesn and to
Zzs * * clear the throat. ;
SweetHpotatoesi"
be sprouted on shares Jfo experience reqnlred.
Directions for sprouting FBEE. Address
T. J. 9UISXEH , ColBBkos , Kansas.
I 1TPPD Treats aats car4 witaooi • anno.
l\l .H K Book ob treatment tent free. JloVlrMa
jHitlilV. / . r. L. POSD. K.OAurora. . Rant Co. . EL.
W. X. U. . Omaha , - 451 6.
- - - .
- . . . |
ShPisoscureI
J fJl 1 \ 3 < aiS l t sssiiis JslssssiiBlli 2al l ai. . ii
.NlZffiiMJ Rlir - - - - BUY NORTHERM GROW * ECHO
i fir BkkBiBn a loTtnd flnet "CcTetables ln themarket ! Tea.ftil , 2 % S3 Is 11
AWM WnAm i *
'
Jlbm SAlZEtt'SBEEDSprodacethcmeTerTtlme-atS VsbIb1 # V
* mmmMMmWmm mmmMm.tbeearUestfallof LlTe and . Ylcor. Thousands of gardeners and fitnners
a aMBBalsPi i Rladly testlfythat by sowlnf. our seeds they nialce , _ , _
mmmmm mmmmmif&'ScL , l racre on otar Early Ciibba8re.Cor.ireIons. . KSIBb Jv
aatSs BSsHHTV i asvSVT , MlrkeLPardcnCT : : ' "holeaulc l'rlce j WmmWWmA
MBf aV I Bi &a/2 / ; < XlatTUEE. lOOJOOKosesand Plant * BWJMmmmW&
mm mmJim BBmMaS. . 2U P * < LX * + Earlleot Teretable XoTclte ! f Pt33PTP * MB
BMMER MtKWmmmc ! M b ± pestpald91.00. Xh waroaUdl2 ( rnt TJJllcicntt ! ' ? t * iJcrfflti3
mmW&Q'BSmBml BEZWlmZ for a famDy garden. 1 > Jb9 K7 @s1bBI\
Is H a sHaWmSrHPS 6ENI > Ce for Paclcasre 60-Day Caboace and Sa-tMS Kl • X mW
n B. HHaKBkSL rrb'y ' nia tratcd Cataloc eontalnln ? a bc lder-I'MS3S&t SclBSi
! MzJmmMM Hrw5ew1 CoittUnnoenraiiraiyiBr i
MMW BamJBfcS&S& &E tab'Xw VVheatvrhit < Wonder Oat ( HI ba. per a. ) \ V ig * MVSi * V
2mj9/&C fSfv'n , mn Lucerno Clover , Etc Warehouse area orvr2acrva. Vxgfesass 4
mMlffitfmWm fl SAi ER.U CrosseWis , " " gi |
*
1h.
h.
-n nTl M Pi > | M > iliaaM-i'i iaTtl.lli y M j
" * j * * * * ! : ' - > i 17i > m't" ° ' " " * Mi > SMMIWK al1 WJLl ! Vll aJ g CiW . "nTTig g < i-- - ! ! MB B