Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 25, 1886)
They tell me that 'mid Alpine SHOTT ,
- Aud rock , and avalanche , and storm ,
Some flowers in regal splendor grow ,
Incautious alike in hue and form.
That , in old ocean's depths profound ,
'V/bcrc undisturbed tne waters lie ,
Are finer forms and flowers found ,
Than ever srrect the ccmraou eye.
That in the Deepest , darkest mine
Is found the richest , purest Kern
That e'er on regal breast did shiiic ,
Or epaikle la a diadem.
From these I learn this single truth :
'T.s not the thoughtless , heedless throng
"Who find earth's r.'ehest joys forsooth
Or lire her grandest scenes among.
But rather they who seek with care ,
In earnest action , word and thought ,
And find them only when aud where
The fickle ciowd had never sought.
L. O. in.'iOM-tn , the Current.
Mr. Giles was sealed alone in the
tap-room of St. Agnes inn , with his
feet on a table and a half-filled mug of
ale in his hand. He was looking
through the open door at the fading
sunlight and wishing some thirstcus
tomer would come up and drop a few
shillings into his till. When about
finishing his ale a sound of footsteps
without caused him to remove his feet
from the table and assume a more bus
iness like attitude by standing with his
hands behind his back and an indiffer
ent look on Irs face , as though inde-
.pendent of the entire world.
"Good evening , Mr. Giles , " said the
"Good evening , Parker , good eve
ning , " answered Mr. Giles. "Come in.
What will you have , and what is the
news ? "
"Ale , Giles , and a bit of cheese. You
ask for the nuws ; then you haven't
heard it ? "
"Not a whit. What is it ? "
"Silas Humphrey. "
"What of him ? " asked Mr. Giles.
-Dead ? ' '
"Yes , dead , " repeated Mr. Parker ,
as he brought his hand down on the
table with emphasis , as though driving
the last nail into Silas Humphrey's
"When ? " asked Giles.
"Two hours and a half ago. "
' Many a secret dies within him , "
said Mr. Giles , snaking his head in a
"Giles , what do you mean ? "
"Nothing , " was the unsatisfactory
It must be something. "
"No matter , no matter , " replied
Giles. "What did he do with his
money ? "
"He divided it among some kinfolks
in Wales ; all excepting one hundred
pounds , "
' "What's that for ? "
"The good of the parish , " answered
"Heaven help the parish then. "
"What do you mean , Giles ? I want
to know what you mean. "
"Nothing , PaVker , nothing , What's
that money for ? "
"For a bull to put in the vacant
tower of SL Agnes church. "
"It will never ring aught but a death
knell. " said Mr. Giles in a sepulchral
"Give me an cxplanat'on to your
words Mr. Giles. I demand it. What
do you mean ? '
"That the parish must not touch the
"Why ? "
" .Because it's cursed. I say. "
I "Cursed , Giles ! Was that the word ? "
"Yes , cursed every penny. It will
bring only misch ef. "
"How cursed ? " asked Parker.
"There is blood , red blood on it"
"I don't understand. "
* "There is deal don't
a great you un
derstand. A vast , great deal , Mr.
Parker. But I tell you , I will not en
ter the church if a bull purchased with
Silas Humprey's money is ever hung in
its tower. "
"You arc wrong. Giles. You are too
Severe on Silas , who may have bjen a
little wild a few years back , but latelv ,
you know , he has been a sober and well-
behaved man. "
" 1 know it. I know it. And I know
a deal more. "
"What is the matter with you. Giles ?
There's something on your mind , aud I
savout with it like a man. "
. / Parker. "
fWhat , Giles ? "
k'Do you remember the great num
ber of robberies which were committed
twenty years ago on the very road
which ifes before this house ? "
"And the murders ? "
"Who was the robbsr ? " asked Mr.
"I don't know. "
"Who was the murderer ? "
"I don't know. "
"I do , " said Giles.
"Who ? "
Before answering. Mr. Giles looked
all about the room , and then sinking
his voice to a whisper , said :
\ "Silas Humphrey : "
"Silas Humphrey ! " repeated Parker.
"How do you know ? "
"Listen" " said Mr. Giles , as he took
his astonished friend by the arm nnd
drew him nearer. "About four years
ago Silas was in here alone , as you are
now , and had been drinking a great
deal , as you have not. lie was talka-
tive , and so drunk lie mistook me for
some one else some compan on of
twenty years before and he talked
about robberv and murder. "
"Well ? " put in Parker.
"He said he had been the leader of
the gang , continued Mr. G les. "and he
kept'referring to me to corroborate his
stories as though I had been with him. "
. "Why haven't \ou told this before ? "
"I didn't dare while Humphrey lived.
Indeed no. My live wouldn't be worth
that pewter pot if I had. Silas was
too drunk to know what he sa'd , and I
didn't propose reminding him of it. "
' -I rather think lie was so ilrunkhe
Imagined the whole thing. " answered
"Think as you w 11. Parker. Think
'as you will ? But you will see. Mia-
chief , and mischief alone , will come out
of that bell. I have nothing more to
Bay about it. and will have nothing
to'do with it. "
"You arc silly. Giles. Because S las
Humphrey may have done wrong it is
no reason the church should not accept
the ball. "
"Have your own w.iy , Parker. Have
your own way. But I tell you the mon
ey came through evil , and the bell will
bring only evil.
"You are a croaker , GHes. The bell
will be swinging in St. Agnes tower be
fore two months , and on Christmas
day will ring as merrly asanvbellin
all England. "
"Let it be croaker. Parker. We'llsee ,
we'll see , " said Mr. Giles.
So the conversation ended for that
day , and the subject was not mentioned
again for about a month , when one
night , as the two friends were seated at
the table where Silas Humphrey had
told of his crimes , the clerk of the par
ish entered the room.
"Good evening , Mr. Miller , good eve
ning , " said Giles ; "come , take a seat
and tell us the London news. When did
you reach home ? "
"This very afternoon , " returned the
"What news about the casting of the
bell ? " asked Mr. Parker.
"Bad news" said the clerk.
"I told " YOU so , I told you so , " sad
Mr. Giles. "What is it , Miller ? Out
with it. "
"I went to see them pour the bell , "
answered Miller , "and all was ready at
three o'clock yesterday. The metal
was in a huge iron pot which some
workmen were swinging by : i crane in
to place to pour , when a chain parted
and the molten mass was spilled onto
two of I he men , killing them instantly. "
"What did I tell you. Parker , what
did I tell you ? " asked Mr. Giles in an
excited manner. "Didn't I say it would
bring evil ? Here are two good lives
sacrificed , and there may be more.
There may be more.
"They will try again next week/ '
said this clerk.
"They hnd better stop right where
they are. They had bolter stop , " an
swered Mr. Giles.
Mr. Parker had nothing further to
say at that time. He was much aO'ect-
ed , and began to fear , that perhaps Mr.
Giles was right. But on that day two
weeks he had forgotten his fears nnd
entering St. Agnes Inn said : "The
bell is here , anil will be hung to-mor
row. It is so large wo must build a
scaffolding and take it up outside of
the towtr , ami let it down through the
roof. You must come and sue us hang
it There will be a lire in the church
stove to keep your lingers warm. "
-The shadow of the church shall
never fall on me after the bell is on tiie
ground , ' ' said Mr. G.lce. "But 1 will
be there. "
"That is right , Giles. Come and
hear the bell ring out a merry laugh at
your fears. "
The next morning the bell was depos
ited at the foot of St. Agnes tower , and
the men who had gathered at the
church were warming themselves at
the fire inside , waiting for those who
had not yot come. When Mr. G les
came he did not go near the ehureh ,
but stood some distance from the tow
er , looking upon the boll in a halt-
frightened tmnnner , as though it wero
bra and wild
some s-jawed iron-jawed
beast ready tc spring on him. To Mr.
Giles it was not a senseless mass of
metal , but the incarnation of S las
Humphrey's evil deeds. He was
fr.ghtencd at the very thought , of its
blasphemous vo.ce calling God's wor
shippers together. He was startled bv
the cheerful voice of Mr. Parker be
"Come , Giles , " sa'd Mr. Parker ,
"don't stand here freezing thu cold
morning , but lend a hand , andve will
have this bell , in place in no time. ' *
"No , Parker , no ! Not 1 , I wouldn't
touch a hand to the thing for all the
royal treasure. "
'Then stay where you are. and in
half an hour you will see the bell swing
ing , and hear its voice laughing at 3011 , "
Mr. Parker said as he went towards the
Mr. Giles stood looking at the bell ,
while the men prepared to put it in
position. Mr. Parker took his place at
the top of the tower beside an im
promptu crane which hud been erected
with its projecting arm reaching beyond
the wall , and holding suspended a rope
which was to raise the bell. All was
made ready. One end of the rope was
secured to the bell , whilu thu other ,
which had been run over a pulloy ou the
crane above , was fastened to a windlass
on the ground. Eight men seized the
arms of the windlass and walked slowly
around with it. The bell began to rise
and was soon swinging clear. Higher
and higher it went , while Mr. Parker
above allowed the rope to pass between
his hands , and gave directions to the
Mr. Giles stood speechless , shading
his eves nnd watching this monster of
a bell suspended between earth and
sky. The thought crime into his mind
that such should have been the fate of
The bell reached the top of the
tower , and slowly r.sing was s > on
above it. Mr. Parker took a firm hold
of the rope with one hand and called
for help to swing the bell over the par
apet , that it might be lowered to the
bearings prepared for it. He looked
down "to Mr. Gles. and waved his
hand exultiugly. Was it only imagi
nation that caused Mr. Giles to th.nk
the crane was vibrating , or was it actu
ally moving ? He thought he saw it
leaning toward the church ami Mr.
Parker appeared to be us ng his strength
to stay it. It was no imagination.
The crane was toppling and being drag
ged br thu weight of the bell. What
was Mr. Parker's strength compared
with the gravity of that mass of brass ?
Nothing. The fastenings once loosened
twenty men could not have held it. It
must go. Mr. G.les saw this , and cried
out with alarm. The men below jump
ed from under , and the ponderous bell
and rope and crane swung partly
around , with Mr. Parker still cling.ng
on. He loosened hi.s hold , but too
late. He had been dragged beyond his
balance , and conscious man went down
with senseless metal. Not onto the
ground , but.onto . and through the
church roof. The men rushed nside ,
and a cry of "lire ! " was raised. The
bell hud struck the stove , crushing it
i. t / * ! . - - ' zfsf * i
to the floor and scattering the burning
coals , which lighted the surrounding
wood. Soon the church was filled
with smoke and ilame. Water came
too late. The church was doomed.
The men could not do nothing but
stand by and watch the devouring
flames destroy the temple of worship
and leave nothing standing save a few
jagged pieces of wall.
I told you so , I told you so , " said
Mr. Giles. "Poor Parker wouldn't
believe me , and now where is he ?
Dead ! His life sacrificed s > nd the church
destroyed , all on account of the ac
cursed bell , which I knew 'could bring
When the fire subsided Mr. Parker's
bones were found beside the bell , which
was cracked from rim to top , and lay
half-buried in the ground. Not a man
was found who would touch it. There
it was left among the ruins of SL
Agnes on the ground it had cursed.
And there it lies to this day , amid deso
lation to be avoided , especially after
nightfall , excepting by the ghost of
Silas Humphrey , which is to haunt the
spot , and with its skeleton hand to
nightly strike the hour of twelve on
the almost voiceless bell. Chicago
As to Food.
Opinions about eating have taken a
more sensible turn under late medical
observations , contrasting with the time
in memory when conscientious people
studied to limit thc'.r fare to the fewest
ounces that would sustain life. Pious
people and infidel philosophers alike
thought it an advance when they could
record their daily diet at'fifteen ounces ,
mostly of bread and weak drink. Rigid
persons carried scales to the table and
weighed their food allowing so many
minutes and so many ounces , after
which they rose from the table hungry
or satisfied as the case might be. Hy
gienic reformers are still harping on
the mistaken rule , "Always rise from
the table hungry , "as if the natural in
stincts of the body were given soley to
be disregarded , aud to be a constant un
easiness. This ascetic rule is one ex
treme of the food question' opposing
which we may place the homely old say
ing , that the way to cat mush and
milk was to "sit two inches from the
tableland eat until you touch. " Science
and common sense alike forbid hunger
Dr. Hodges , before the Boston So
ciety for Medical Improvement , takes
high and well-sustained ground that
"the body requires not only to be fed ,
but filled ; " and says that the underfed
absorb a large part of medical practice
for the relier of diseases from lack of
nutrition , among which are , "nervous
prostration , anosmia , neuralgia , cough
and throat troubles , constipation , back
ache , and nausea or sick headache. "
The symptoms of "chronic starvation , "
lie declares , are found not only in Irish
and Lanchasire famines , or among un
derpaid operatives and shop girls , but
in good families , among growing
school children , boys fitting for college ,
society girls , young mothers of fam
ilies , and working women. Quality of
food , with all the hent and force it ma } '
contain , will not make up for quantity ,
and the better educated classes readily
deceive themselves , and mislead others ,
as to the amount of food necessary
for welfare. Under the coneit
that eating heartily is ne'ither whole
some nor refined , a habit of going With
out enough sustenance is established ,
till the stomach grows contracted from
want of sufficient v ctualing , and the
result is low tone , and weakness of
body and brain. Much of the ill-humor ,
the dullness and flatness of intercourse ,
the fa lure in business and literature ,
is directly traceable to defective nutri
tion. The mind is slow or confused ,
the nerves give way under strain , aiid
that snappislmess results which is
realy a form of hysteria , in men and
women. The shortcomings of the usual
diet are apparent.when it is seen that
the ordinary ration of mixed fare
should weigh with in an ounce and a
half of seventeen pounds of the heart
iest food. The utter inadequacy of the
genteel restaurant portion was forcibly
shown at the International Health Ex
hibition in London , when the Vege
tarian Society plumed itself on fur
nishing six-penny dinners to four or
five hundred persons daily. From the
carefully kept account ot bill of fare ,
compared with the standard diet agreed
upon by physiologists , it appeared
that six of the six-penny dinners would
be needed to support a man during a
hard day's labor. And growing crea
tures , hard students , and overtasked
women require not less than two-thirds
this amount , or the body languishes ,
and it takes but a few years to estab
lish disease. Experience confirms the
necessity of a heartier diet. Within
twenty years the rations of armies , and
of charitable institutions , hospitals
and prisons have been liberally increas
ed. It is hardly possible to exagerate
the necessity for an amended dietgen-
erous in quantity , quality and variety.
A missionary told us the other day a
very affecting little incident. He had
been preaching a mission sermon in
Scotland , and telling of the condition
of the poor women of India , and ob
served that many of the audience
seemed quite affected by his account.
A few days afterward , the pastor of
the church where he had preached met
on the street one of his parishioners , a
poor old woman half blind , who earn
ed a precarious livelihood by going er
rands , or another little work of that
kind that came in her way. She went
lip to him , and with a bright smile put
a. sixpence into his hand , telling him
that was to go for the mission work in
India. Her minister , knowing how
poor she was , said , "No , no , Maggie ;
that is too much for you to give ; you
cannot afford this. " "She told him "she
had just been on an errand for a very
kind gentleman , and instead of a few
coppers she generally received , he had
given her three pennies and a silver
sixpence ; and she said : "The silver and
the gold is the Lord's and the copper
will do for poor Maggie. " How many
lessons do God's poor teach us" !
"Poor in this world , rich in faith and
heirs of the kingdom ! " At Home and
The Language of Monkeys.
In the way of language , monkeys
manifest their passions , emotions , de-
sirej , and fears by cries and gestures ,
emphasized by significant accents ,
which vary with the species. Monkeys
and childrentogether with savages
and uneducated people of civilized
nations , manifest an inclination to
mimic the gestures and motions of all
persons whom they sec. Wo think
that this trait is especially prominent
in monkeys , but thousands of incidents
might be cited to show that mankind ,
old and young , shares it with them.
The attitude and the sagacity of
monkeys are so human that some
savages believe that it is out of mali
ciousness that they do not talk. In
fact , a monkey might pass for a dumb
man , because he does not articulate the
consonants clearly , as we do ; but not
all men have this power of articulation
in an equal degree. We have stam
merers by birth and by habit. Some
savage tr.bes have a scanty alphabet
complicated by clicks and nasal and
guttural sounds that can not be imagin
ed till they are heard. All monkeys
have voices , and many of them have
very strong ones. Excepting the
solitary and taciturn orang-outang ,
the species which live in troops are
chatterers , and keep up a great hubbub.
The principal tones of their noisy and
rapid language , with the frequent
repetitions of the same sounds , may al
so be found in the languages of the
most savage people. They are , for the
most part , complex , guttural , and
harsh articulations , with tew variations.
But the alphabets of some of the
African and Mcianesian nations are not
much richer. In both it is generally
the labials which are wanting. Laughter
is not wholly peculiar to men , for some
monkeys have a noisy and expansive
laugh analogous to ours. Cook has
stated that natives of the New Hebrides
express their joy by a kind of guttural
whistle , analogous to the jerky , rattling
laugh of some monkeys. Monkeys
are also capable of showing sorrow and
weeping ; and it is possible to follow en
their faces the equivalents of the
physiognomical changes which in man
answer to tho expression of his various
emotions. Among these are tho draw
ing back of the corners of the mouth
and the contraction of the lower eye
lid , which constitutes the monkey's
smile , and the depression of the eye
brow and forehead in anger. Aline ,
i lenience lloyer , in Popular Science
Nervous Dyspepti cs.
Said a medical friend to me to-day :
"There is a large number of people
who , on account of their physical
make-up , ought always to be regarded
a separate class , and almost a separate
race , so different are they in all that
pertains to health , pleasure and happi
ness. They are what are called by
physicians the nervous dyspeptics.
The } ' are distinguished by a fine nerv
ous organization which renders them
extremely sensitive to pain or pleasure ,
in body and in mind. Their skin is
thai , their flesh tender , nnd their men
tal feelings are easily pained. Their
feelings interrupt digestion , and they
are certain to become dyspeptics.
They easily become subject to melan
choly and insomnia. But there is no
finer class of humanity than these
same people , if they only understand
their temperament and live wisely with
reference to it. They must not touch
whisky , wine or beer. They must be
very sparing in the use of tea and cof
fee , shellfish , raw fruits and meat.
They must be very regular in their
habits of eating and sleeping. They
must take exorcise in the open air. and
avoid close air at all times ; and they
need a frequent change of air , diet and
scene. They have not much stamina
or endurance , but what there is in
them is of good quality. They are
bright , ingenious , artistic , intellectual
and refined. They are like a fine
watch very easily put out of order ,
but all right if taken good care of.
They are generally greatly misunder
stood , both by themselves and by oth
ers , and consequently are generally
unhappy , and almost a total loss to so
ciety. The day will come , though ,
when they will bo the salvation of the
human race. Chicago Journal.
Disturbed the Worship.
"What is the charge against this
man ? " asked a justice of the peace , re
ferring to a solemn-looking negro who
had just been arraigned.
" 'Sturbiu' 'ligious worship , sah , " re
plied old Tabscott , the preacher.
"Ah , that is a very grave offense.
Did you not know better than that ? " '
turning to the prisoner.
"Didn't know 1 wuz 'sturbin' no
body , sah. "
"Parson Tabsoott.what did he do ? "
"Wall , sah , I'll sorter hafter 'spla.n.
Some time ergo I j'ined ile temperance
an' 'fo'dat , ef I do say itinerse'f , I wuz
monstrous handy wid LT bottle. Wall ,
las' Sunday , while i wuz preachin'
down heah at Koun' Pon' , ds : pusson
come inter de church an' sot down in
er cornder neah do pulpit. He sorter
scrunched down behind er tall bench so
de congregeslmu couldn'scu him , but
I seed him seed him when lie tuck out
er bottle an' turned her up. Dat broke
up do meutm' . "
"How so ? You say that none of the
congregation could'tsee him. "
"But I could see him. "
"What d ilurciice did that make ? "
"Made er heep o' difference , sah. De
Bible it tells me ter keep outen dc
wayso' temptation , an mer ole mouf
watered so I had ter git uoten dat
house , an' darfo' de mee"tin' wuz broke
"You are right , ' ' said the justice ,
"and the defendant is hereby lined
twenty-five dollars. " Arkansaw Trav
Grape juice looks nothing like moth
er's milk , but chemical analysis reveals
a striking analogy in the amounts of
albuminous matter , sugar , mineral ,
salts and water. Grape juice is consid
ered a perfect food , a nutritive and
nerve tonic , and its use is one method
of the "gripe-cure. " From Dr.
Footers Ucc.llh Monthly.
The Walking Staff. f
"Canes" said tho handsome Monroe
avenve dealer , "are intended as a sup
port But it is only old gentlemen or
those who are lame who use them that
way. They are a sort of ballast for a
well dressed man to keep him in equi
"What are favorite sticks ? '
"Blackthorn , snakewood , malacca ,
ebony , oak and ash , with ivory , silver
or bronze head ? . Young men use slend
er , flexible sted'canes. unless they are
pedestrians. Then they carry a walk
ing stick or alpenstock.
"Here aro some of the fashionable
knobs , " continued Mr. Lindgeman.
"This head of Mephistopheles in silver ,
with ruby eyes , cats' heads , tigers'
heads and different fancy styles are
popular. But the neatest of all is just
a carved bar or scroll , that will not be
passed in a year or so. Here are the
llexible steel canes , with loaded heads ,
and the dirk canes. These are used
for protection in case of assault. "
"Are canes as much used as ever ? "
"They are indispensable. A man
cannot walk with his hands in his pock
ets , nor curry them swinging at his
side , when he is out at his leisure.
Canes are not used during business
hours. They belong to the promenade
toilet. Notice a dozen young men on
the street of an afternoon and you will
see a character distinction in the way
each one handles his cane , Eideriy
gentlemen arc very fond of theirs.
Some of them bring singular sticks hero
to be made up one from the branch
of an apple tree that grew near his
childhood's home , another a bough from
some great man's grave. It used to be
a common fashion to bring sticks from
foreign trees , but that was when a
stick was more a staff than it is now.
I have not.ced one thing. A homely
old knotted cane is alwa > s highly val
ued , perhaps from associations. The
proudest cane is the presentation stick
with a big gold head , and a long inscrip
tion. And it is the most uncomfort
able one to carry , as it needs constant
watching , " Detroit Free 1'ress.
The Royal Family.
The royal family is not of English
race. They are descended , it is true ,
through Sophia Electress of Hanover ,
from Elizbeth , the daughter of James I. ,
who in turn was the son of Mary , queen
of Scots , and the great grand sou of
Margaret , the eldest daughter of Henry
VJI. ; but from the 3 ear 1G13 , when
Elizabeth was married to Frederic , the
elector of Palat ne , she became , and her
decendants have since remained. Gor
man in race , in language.andm all their
ties of blood. In truth , the last drop
of English blood in the veins of the roy
al family was that which they derived
from Margaret , who married James ,
king of Scotland , in 1501 , and who was
herself thoroughly English. As a mat
ter ot fact , however , it is not by virtue
of descent at all that the sovere giis of
the house of Brunswick have held the
crown of England , but by virtue of a
parliamentary title derived from thu
actof settlement , and the first sovereign
of that house , George L , neither knew
nor never could learn how to speak the
English language. The royal family ,
therefore , have no more of English race
in them than this , that they are descend
ed from an English princess who lived
four hundred years ago through a
Scotch pr.ncess who lived three hun
dred years ago. For three hundred
years ail the living blood relations have
been foreigners ; and since they came
over to England to assume the throne ,
every one of their alliances ( with the
exception of that issueless one with
Lord Lome ) has been made with a for
eigner , and usaully with a German.
Two of the Qnecn's sons and four of her
daughters have been marrie I to Ger
mans , while ono is married to : i Dane
one to a Russian , the sister of that em
peror of Russia on whosj action in the
east the British people look with so
m ich suspicion. The royal family
arj , therefore , naturally this da } ' Ger
man in char.i"tcr. They speak Ger-
among themselves. They even are
sometimes driven ( as in thu case of the
queen's book ) to explain their imper
fect and unfamiliar English phrases by
more perfect and familiar German
phrases ; and , so far s family belong
ings can go , their personal sympathies
rau-t lie rather outside than inside of
these islands. We do not for a mo-
mem , intend to convey , nor do we at
all entertain the idea , that these per
sonal ties have ever led them to sub
ordinate the interests of Britain to
those of any foreign country whatever ,
or that such ties could ever induce
them to forget to prize the less pre
eminent honor that belongs to a Brit
ish sovereign ; but the fact exists that
they and all their blood relations are
foreigners by race , and , though this is
tacitly overlooked , there have been
times when it has been remembered to
llie'serions injury of the country nnd
the grave danger of the royal family
itself. Vaniiy Fair.
The colored population of Texas
take a great deal of interest in socialism ,
but their ideas on the subject are a lit
"What am dis heah socialism , any
how ? " asked Jim Webster of Austin
Thornton , who is regarded by the ne
groes as Avcll posted in all such ques
"Lemme splain dat ar , " replied
Thornton , assuming an attitude. "Yer
sec , ef we goes inter Sam Johnsing's
saloon and you orders two dram ? , one
for me and one for you. you has to pay
for 'em bofe ; ef I , being a socialist ,
orders de whisky , you has ter pay ; you
ain't no socialist. Does yer see ? "
"But sposin' Isc a socialist myself ? "
"Den de barkeeper has ter pay for
de drinks. "
"But sposin' de barkeeper am a
socialist ? "
"Deu we falls on him and jess pound
de life outeu him. bekase somebody
has ter pay for de drinks. Does ver
see ? " Texas Siftings.
There is a divinity that doth hedge a kinsr.
but four kin ; ; ; together don't need a hedge.
Generally they can take care of themselves.
I TROUBLE IN THE CAMP
A Decision That
Discontent In tlio Salvation Army.
maneuvers of tha
The recent autumn
Salvation army in England were highly
successful. Tho Amen artillery chal
lenged general admiration , and was es
pecially effective at long-range practice.
The Hallelujah infantry , which wero
recentlv equipped with new drums and
tambourines maintained tho old-time
esprit de corps.
When the Salvation cavary came , into
view a laughable incident occurred , for
a religious hobby horse took the bit in
his mouth and cavorted and pranced all
over the field with a Salvation army
lieutenant , who was utterly unable to
hold him. Among the corps whose
evolutions won especial praise wero
"the Blood and Fire Foncibles , " "the
Cold Stream Guards" ( Baptist ) , "tho
" "the Petti
Kov.il Seven Dial Brigade"
coat Lane Light Cavalry , " "the Cheap-
side Cuirassiers , " "the Collection Plato
Dragoons , " "the Mosaic Veterans , ' *
and "the Mount Ararat Invinciblcs. "
A large part of the army are to bo
armed w th repeating sermons. Since
going into winter barracks the Salva
tion army , not to speak disrespectfully
of that"excellent organization , has
adopted the militarv system of the Zu
lus , for it has decided that no officer
may marry until he has distinguished
himself in the service and has reached
the grade of captain. He must also
obtain the consent of his post com
mandant , and must have sufficient mil
itary capacity to command three fort
resses of the army at once.
People who aru not familiar with the
grades and ranks of the Salvation army
may be interested to know that a can
didate , after going through a thorough
course of military instruction in the cat
echism , and parsing rigid examinations
on the art of holding camp-meetings ,
becomes a "cadet. " He often serves
two years as a cadet before he gets to
be a lieutenant. If he survives four or
live years of active service as a lieu
tenant he is promoted to be captain. A
captain may grow grey in the service
without ever becoming a major. In
some instances the ambitious cadet
serves fifteen years before he wears a
captain's shoulder-straps and com
mands a class-meeting.
A promising cadet of the Salvation
army who becomes enamored of a pret
ty daughter of the regiment has now to
wait fifteen years before he may wed.
Promotion is slow , and unless he distin
guishes himself in passing the collection
plate the young salvation soldier may
never reach the rank of captain. Sev
eral hussars in the Salvation cavalry
who are engaged to pretty young ladies
in the Amen light artillery , have des
pairingly given up all hopes of ever cel
ebrating their nuptials. There is great
discontent over the new military order ,
and hundreds of soldiers are deserting
every day. Several battalions have
openly mutinied and thrown away their
The rule has been adopted to encour
age gallantry in the field , and to pre
vent marital incongruities. Under the
old system a callow cadet of the Salva
tion light infantry often married a vet
eran skirmisher of the "Blood and Fire
Fenc.bles , " or a young and pretty tam
bourine-player in the "Flying artillery"
gave her hand and heait to an ancient
drummer of the "Mosaic veterans. "
Husband and wife were separated for
many years. They shouted in different
battalions. The husband might be sent
to India with his battaLon to sap and
mine under a heathen temple , while at
the same time the wife might be sent to
Switzerland with her battalion to skir
mish with the Lutherans on the Alps.
The adoption of the rule will also
give the Sah ation army officers time to
devote themselves to religious work.
They will no longer pass delightful
hours in paying court to charming
young ladies the flour of the religious
army , nor longer hide the.r lamps un
der a bushel on Sunday evenings.
Henceforth they will have to face grim
war everywhere , and will go to India
to be eaten by t gers and to Switzerland
to bu stoned by other Christians.
The new order about the officers mar
rying has not yet been received in this
countrv , but it is fearfully expected
every day. All the cadets and lieuten
ants in New York are indgnant. and
talk of throw.ng up their commissions.
If an attempt is made to enforce the
new rule in New York there will be a
mutiny in the Salvation armv second in
history only to the Sepov mutiny. A'eia
A Solid City.
Berlin is a solid city , for the Berlin
character is deepand substantial. Its
solidity is more manifest than its good
taste , though this is by no means al
ways lacking. Since Germany has en
deavored to compete with France in
the markets of the world she has at
tempted to imitate French goods , even
those into which art largelv enters , but
with imperfect success. German cloths-
are not equal to those of either France
England or Belgium. German hosierv
is invariably poor. German jewelry is
honest , but not as tasteful as that mads
in Paris or New York and San Fran
cisco. So with the infinite category of
fancy goods. A shop window on "the
Untcr den Linden does not compare
favorably with one on the Par s boule
vards , either in respect to quality of
goods , elegance of pattern , or taste of
arrangement. Whether it is a suit of
clothes , a night shirt , a necktie , or a
set of toilet articles , the want of skill
in making and of taste in desi < rnin r is
seen at a glance. On the other Imnd
there is no apparent effort to make a
thing seem better than it is. On this
point the purchaser is rarelv deceived
Cor. San Francisco Chronicle.
He Thought It Wrong * .
"How's prohibition out here ? " asked
an Eastern clergyman of a rural lowan
"Iroh.bition . be hanged ! There isn't
any. Yby you can buy all the whiskvr
you want for fifteen cents a H-iss "
k "tfaat > s
"No , of course I don't"
Powered by Open ONI