Nebraska Newspapers

    AN OPENSECRET. -
dost thon love nml dare not tell It ? ,
And canst tbou hide it In thine eyes ?
And canst thou from thy Love conceal It !
And dost tliou laugh lo drown thy sighs ?
Alas ! 1 love and must not say it ;
My secret tswoet I must not show.
I dose mine eves lest they betray me ;
{ 1 close my Kps that none may know.
Tet can 1 hope to keep my secret
i When all earth's creatures tell it so ?
They sing It , sigh It , and repeat it ,
[ Till airthe world must know my woe !
The nodding grasses tell my story ,
J The flowers lisp it to the sun ;
And all the birds , the chirping tattlers ,
, They seem to know it every one.
Load they sing it at my window ,
And I'm happy while alone ;
But 1 tremble lest they sing it
To some thoughtless , careless one.
Then the winds , how they repeat it ,
Till the crimson dyes mv cheek
, Tor very fear lest all may hear itj
8oI pray them not to speak.
And the brook , while babbling onward ,
I Bears my story to the sea ;
Then I'm sure the clover knows it
Some one told it to the bee.
I would gladly share my secret
With the flowers , birds , and sea ;
But how wrong of them to tell it-
Why are they so false to me ?
Lena Jiecd , in the Current.
THE APACHE CHIEF. '
"It's a lonely place , Sarah , sure
enough. "
"Lonely ! Why , Ransom , it gives
me the creeps to be by myself alone. "
"Well , wife , we musn't lose heart at
a , trifle like that The time will come
svhen we'll have neighbors enough in
Long Prairie , and then we'll be glad
that we didn't give up at the'start. "
Ransom Bishop was girding his
sturdy little horse as he spoke. Now
lie imprinted a last kiss on his wife's
lips , gave the little girl a final toss in
Ihe air. and sprang into the saddle.
"I'll be back by bedtime , " he said ,
"so keep some coffee on the fire for
me , and a bite to eat in the cup
board. "
Tho pony started with a snort , toss
ing his head until the bridle chains
clinked merrily , and old Boge , the big ,
jjaunt hound , who acted as sentry at
the Bishop residence , filled the air with
joyous barks , as he capered along beside
his master.
His mistress called to him sharply ,
and the hound camoback with his head
flrooping and his tail between his legs ,
the picture of dejection. Little Dora
Degan tugging at his long ears and
pulling his tail , and the dog soon
responded playfully to his little mistress'
sport.
The mother left the pair rolling and
tumbling in the grass and went back to
the house. Like a very new settlement
there was a good deal to do about the
one the Bishops had set up in Arizona ,
and .husband aiid wife were kept busy
from dawn to bedtime doing it. "
An hour had passed since Ransom
Bishop had vanished over the prairie ,
and the mother , busied at her household
tasks , had quite forgotten her little
daughter at play , when the sound of
roices outside attracted her attention.
Looking out she beheld a sight that
made her blood run cold.
Seated on the grass , with her budgy
arms around Boge's neck , the child
was prattling gaily to a stranger that
bent over her.
And Such a stranger !
' A stalwart Indian attired in buckskin ,
with the eagle plumes , that denote a
warrior , decorating his glossy hair , and
a necklace of grizzly claws around his
neck. His mustang grazed quietly on
the grass near by , and leaning on his
long lance the animal's master was en
tertaining himself with the white baby
at his feet.
Mrs. Bishop's first impulse was to
give voice to a scream of terror , but
she thought better of it and bridled her
terrific tongue.
Her second was to rush from the house
fcnd clasp her little daughter in her
> xms , and on this she acted.
At the sound of her feet the Indian
Jooked up. He stepped back a pace ,
ind a smile crossed his savagely hand-
tome face as the mother cauht the
up.
"No "fraid , " he said quietly. "Big
Bear no fight babies. "
"I'm sure I don't see why you
should , " gasped Mrs. Bishop , "for my
Dora is the sweetest little thing. "
"Little missus much pretty , " said
Big Bear. "Here take um , wear. "
And detaching a sort of gold armlet
of bear's teeth strung upon a golden
wire from his strong arm , he placed it
around the child's neck.
"Maybe some day Big Bear come
'gain , " said the savage. "So by. "
Andthrowing himself upon the bare
back of his pony he was off like a shot
Ransom Bishop found his wife sitting
np for him when he got home that
night. She could not sleep with the
story she had to tell untold.
Her husband listened .to it with a
serious face. It was the first visit they
had ever had from an Indian , and
though they had. of course , expected
one sooner or later , it was scarcely
pleasant news all the same.
"He certainly couldn't have had any
harm in his heart to make baby a
present like that , though. " he said ,
examining the armlet curiously. 'From
all I know of Indians they do not part
with their ornaments to every one. "
"He seemed good natured enough"
eaid Mrs. Bishop , "and I tell you , Ran-
com , he was real good looking for an
Indian. "
"Trust to a woman to find that out , "
'
observed the settler. "Anyhow we
can't improve matters 'by losing our
deep. So let us go to bed. "
Settlers on the border have a prov
erb that the first visit from an Indian
brings manv , and the Bishops realized
the truth of the saying very shortly.
A couple of days after Big Bear's visit
three Indians rode up to the house.
They were civil enough , asking for wa
ter and drinking heartily of what Ran
som Bishop gave them. While they
were'lounging about one of them notic
ed the bear's tooth ornament little Do
ra wore. He spoke in a sharp tone to
his companions , and all three" stared at
the little girl instantly-
When the settler , whoof course ,
noticed the peculiarity of their chang
ed manner , spbtfe to them , they replied
with every evidence of respect , and
went away with a shout of parting.
Ransom Bishop told the story of his
last visitors to his nearest neighbor ,
the ranchman at Cottonwood Bottom ,
five miles away. The ranchman laugh
ed when he heard it.
"You are in luck , Bishop"he said.
"Why so ? " demanded the settler.
"In having such a protector. "
"A protector ! Who ? "
"Don't you know who Big Bear is ? "
"I certainly don't"
"Then I'll enlighten you. He is the
greatest warrior of the Apache tribe ,
their biggest and bravest war chief.
The fact that he left his armlet with
you will inform every Indian of his
tribe who sees it that you are under his
protection , and very likely save you
many an inconvenience in the future. "
This Ransom found , indeed to be the
case.
case.Frequently as his farm was visited
by savages they always treated his
family with marked respect. * If they
wanted favor or drink they asked for it
modestly and civilly. The insolent de
mands they made on other settlers
were never made on the Long Prairie
house.
Moreover on more than ono occasion
the Indians showed themselves ready
to do a favor for the farmer of Long
Prairie. Once , when a portion of his
stock scampered , they drove it back
instead of stealing it , as was their in
variable custom. Another time they
returned him his pony when it strayed
, away. The farmer , thanks to these
acts , began to congratulate himself up
on the good luck which had made him
a * friend of the great war chief of the
Apaches.
That personage turned up now and
then himself , and you may be bound
always to received a cordial welcome.
His chief pleasure seemed to be with
little Dora , and he always had a present
for her. Once it was a crow that
turned somersaults and talked some
Indian words ; another time it was a
little bow and'arrow , which he taught
her how to use. She possessed quite a
collection of moccasins , necklaces of
dried red berries , and softly tanned deer
an.d tiger skins , and every visit added to
her store.
So three years passed.
Slowly but surely the section of Ari
zona in which the Bishops had set up
their homes had filled up. Where they
had been the only one in miles of coun
try , the farms were only a mile apart
The log hut had been added until it was
quite an imposing structure , with
wings more extensive than the original
house. Herds of fine cattle grazed on
their prairie pastures , their barns were
full , and all about them abundent crops
grew on tho rich soil. In short pros
perity reigned at Long Prairie , and not
a cloud darkened the pleasant future
which seemed to spread before the set
tlers there.
But unforeseen events were brewing
trouble. The Indians had been annoy
ed and in some cases treate'd with in
justice by the whites , and an outbreak
was smouldering among them. It was
only held "back by the influence of Big
Bear. The war cheif was friendly to
the white man , and his potent voice * n
the councils of his tribe kept their an
ger in check.
One day , however , Big Bear wont
hunting and met with an accident in a
terrific encounter with a grizzly ; he was
struck down in a lonely pass amono
the hills , and , as day by day passed
without witnessihg his return to his
camp , the rumor went abroad that the
whites had killed him.
Then another chief rose to. rule the
councils of the tribe.
This warrior cherished a fierce and
bitter hatred to the whites , and lost no
time in declaring war against them.
In a single night a descent was made
upon a dozen settlements ; and next
morning where prosperous fanners
and happy homes had been the rising
sun saw heaps of smoking ruins. Such
few of the farmers as escaped fled to
the larger settlements , and the call to
arms went throughout the territory.
A week of the outbreak passed , and
the Bishop homestead remained un
scathed.
All around the settlers had fallen
victims to the ferocity of the savage ,
but the protection of Big Bear still
sheltered his friends. Immunity from
attack made Ransom Bishop reckless.
He began to think himself safe forever ,
and though he kept a watchful' eye
about him , he still entertained little
dread of serious trouble to himself.
He was doomed , however , to find
himself sadly mistaken.
The ferocity of the Apaches grew
with their success , and when they had
wreaked their wrath at the expense of
Ransom Bishop's neighbors , they be
gan to cast hungry eyes upon the well
stocked farm. He was the friend of
Big Bear , it is true ; but Big Bear was
dead , they argued. Why , then , should
his friendship protect them ? They an
swered that question one night by at
tacking Bishop's house.
To offer any resistance would have
been simple madness , and Ransom
Bishop knew it. All the hope of safety
he possed was in flight
But how to fly ?
The Apaches , apparently certain of
the people in the house , had begun
operations by plundering the outlying
storehouses. While they&were thus
employed , the farmer got his wife and
child out by the back way , only to dis
cover , to his horror , that the gate of
his corral had been beaten in and the
horses removed from it
He had hardly made this startling
discovery when a mounted Indian rode
around the end of the house , in whose
shadow the fugitives were concealed.
Gaunt and thin from sickness the farm
er did not recognize Big Bear , and he
raised his rifle to his shoulder , when
the Indian called out :
"No shoot ? ! " he said. "Me come to
sabe little missie. "
Slipping out of his saddle , he motion
ed to the farmer to mount , and hurried
away , as he had come. He returned
presently with another horse , and , seiz
ing little Dora , while Ransom Bishop
and his wife mounted the chief's own
horse , the Indian .led way into the prai
rie.
rie.The
The fugitives , as they departed ,
could hear the exultant shouts of the
Apaches as they reveled in the plunder
of-the .store-rooni but with .the hous
between them"and 'the savages the ; ,
gained the open prairie 'unobserved.
As they rode away Big Bear kavo ut
terance to a guttural grunt andpointe
back to where a red light began to glow
against the sombre midnight sky.
The farm buildiags had been fired
But tho birds they had sheltered wen
well on their way to safety. All nigh
long the Indian led the way at a gallop
through the darkness with his littl
friend in his arms ; and as the sun arose
it lighted the walls of the military pos
at Prescott , a mile away. By"early
breakfast time the fugitives rode into
town. Safe at last
"And now , 'Big'Bear , ' " cried Ran
Bom Bishop , as they drew rein in th <
plaza , "you've saved one lives. Wha
can we do for you ? " The Indian made
no reply , sitting bolt upright in his
saddle , his haggard .face looking
straight before him , rigid and mo
tionless as a statue. A thrill of dread
ran through the settler , and he put
his hand out and touched the bare
arm of the savage. It was stiff and
cold.
cold.The
The great war chief had ridden his
last ride. With his little protege sleep
ing the leaden sleep of exhaustion in
his arms , he had borne her in safety
with the last expiring breath of a dying
man.
In the cemetery at Prescott is a grave
marked by the headstone , on which 'is
carved the rude figure of a grizzly bear.
It is the last resting place of tho only
consecrated ground , a war chief of the
Apaches , who spent his last breath in
rescuing the family of the white
man from the brutal violence of .
own race. -
FAME AND INFAMY.
Fame is the sum of all the good act
of all time.
Infamy is the sum of all the bad acts
of all'time.
Fame confers the highest honor.
Infamy the deepest disgrace.
Fame is tho-reward of an unselfish
life.
life.Infamy is the reward of a selfish
life. -
It is a bad error to mistake infamy
for fame.
Infamy shows well for a time to the
uninitiated , surpassing even fame.
Every right work is fameward.
Every wrong act is in the line of in
famy. ,
Infamy insures a harder life than
fame.
' Fame comes by benefiting our fel
lows.
Infamy injures them.
Fame's honors are pleasant.
Infamy's brings dishonor and dis
grace.
Fame plants gardens.
Fame excels in all labor.
Fame wins in architecture.
Fame is democratic.
Fame , succeeds in commerce , excites
to labor in school , constructs great
works , benefits the state and the peo
ple , promotes Christian civilization.
Fame is the sum of the ocean of
man's best act's.
Every right act of the scholar , the
statesman , the-artisan , the engineer ,
the laborer , is a drop inthe sea of
fame.
Every act of our lives adds to the sea
of fame or of infamy.
Infamy is fame's enemy.
Infamy is the ally of sloth , ease , in
dolence , and ignorance.
Infamy chooses the down-hill path.
Infamy's great works are wrecks.
Infamy slanders.
Infamy suspicions.
Infamy seduces.
Infamy is jealous.
Infamy traduces faith.
Infamy defies law.
Infamy promotes disorder and diso
bedience.
Infamy is the enemy of discipline.
Fame begins in the school to labor
upward.
Infamy floats ever downward.
Fame's labor is rewarding and satis
factory.
Infamy's work is disorganizing and
bitter.
Improved roses , lucious iruits , finest
works , of art , and unselfish Christian
lives are the product of fame.
Ruins , stolen fruits , lusts , intemper
ate and unimely pleasures are the work
of infanry.
We choose for which we shall strive ,
the honors of fame or the indolent ,
poisonous , bitter fruits of infamy.
'Chicago Ledger.
Reckless Witli His Blessing's.
"Many thanks , my son , " exclaimed
a benevolent-looking man as a ragged
little bootblack handed him a pocket-
book which the former had dr-opped
and tho latter picked up.
"Now let me see if everything is
here , " continued the man as he opened
the pocketbook and began an examina
tion of its contents. Railroad passses ,
receipts , and money. Yes , everything
is here just as I left it. What is your
name my little sony ? "
"The kids call ' '
me 'Sheeney Bob ,
but'taint my name. Bob Miller's my
name. "
"Well , Robert ! Your are a very hon
est little man , and if you keep on you
will become an ornament to society.
Many thanks , Robert , for returning
my pocketbook. My blessing upon
you , my child. "
"Say , mister , " said Bob , as the mis
sionary started away , "don't you go
and get so reckless like wid your bless-
in's. I ain't got no use for blessin's
anyhow. You kinder keep 'em , and if
yor ain't got enuff I'll buy yer some.
Money ain't no object ter me. I ain't
stuck on a quarter like you. Why ,
mister , I ain't stuck on my life the way
you is on a quarter. " St. Paul Globe.
His Brother Knew Him.
"Goodmoraine : , Mr. Blank. "
"Good morning , but I believe you
have the advantage of me in the mat-
of acquaintance. I don't know you ,
sir. "
"Don't know me ? You ought to !
Why , my brother worked two weeks
for you last summerDetroit ! Free
Press.
! JJAYVN BROKERS1 SALES.
* *
_ _ _ - *
Buyers Who Know How to Drive o
Close Bargain Credit tlio Prin
cipal Factor In tlio Business.
But one firm in Brooklyn , says
writer in The Eagle , makes a specialty
of selling at auction pawnbrokers' un
redeemed pledges. The business in
this city is not as large as in New York ,
and strange to say the majority of the
buyers come from that city. Life in a
pawnbroker's salesroom has man ;
features which make a visit particular
ly interesting. I called at a Brooklyn
salesroom one daj * last , week during
sale , and after it was over had a talk
with the proprietor. On. this particu
lar day a sale of women's wearing
apparel was in progress. Tho large
salesroom was filled with women. They
are naturally shrewd buyers , but when
their minds ar schooled by many years"
experience in the art of making clos <
bargains it is extremely difficult to
cheat them. The sale began at If
o'clock , and by noon ono hundred sep
arate lots of clothing had been dispose'
of. A casual glance at the majority o :
the buyers would give one the impres
sion that they were either beggars o
female' tramps , so shabbily were . they
dressed. The proprietor pointed out
to me a . decrepid individual , whose
whitened locks proclaimed that she
had long since passed the allotted span
of life. She was dressed in a tattered
gown and wore a disreputable hat.
This woman , who is in the second
hand clothing business , is estimated to
bo worth .from $250,000 to $500,000.
Large fortunes have been made by buy
ing and selling pawnbrokers' unre
deemed pledges. Much experience is
required to make a success of the busi
ness , as the trade now transacted
is often carried on with but
a small margin for profit Every
article pledged has a market value.
These values are known both by the
broker and buyer , and it is seldom that
great bargains are to be obtained.
Pawnbrokers oftener lose than gain by
their sales. The sales of men's wear
ing apparel , jewelry , and miscellaneous
lots of goods are attended almost ex
clusively by dealers from New York.
The men are even closer buyers than
the women. Jewelry experts can in an
instant tell the value of a gold ring ,
whether it weighs five or twenty penny
weights , and arc able to approximate
the value of diamonds of all kinds and
weights the moment the goods touch
their hands. Pawnbrokers occasion
ally loan on spurious rings and heavi
ly-plated watches. The-e are , of
course , unredeemed , and n time find
their way to the salesrooms. They do
not. however , pass the e.-gle-eyed in
spection of expert je-volry-buyers.
Flaws in diamonds have been discov
ered by the expert after they have been
passed by the broker as perfect stones.
Credit is the principal factor in the
pawnbrokers' sales trade. While many
dealers are wealthy , the majority do a
hand-to-mouth business.
- - Although
the sales are chielly made on credit ,
the pawnbrokers receive the amount
due them in cash less tlio commission
charged , which is 5 per cont. The pro
prietor of the salesroom , when at leis
ure , said :
"There is not the money in pawn-
broking that most people imagine.
Brokers often lose on their pledges , as
all goods are pawned for nearly their
full value. I have known brokers to
lose as much as $100 on a sale. Of lato
I have noticed that Italians have come
into the trade , which formerly was
monopolized by Hebrews. Oh , yes , I
frequently lose accounts by giving
credit , but in the majority of cases I
find that the class who buy goods "on
time usually pay. Men have been on
my books for ten years or more , and
never during that time have I been
able to close the account. One lot of
goods is paid for when the next pur
chase is made. "
"To whom are pawnbrokers' unre
deemed pledges sold ? " was asked.
"The principal buyers hail from
New York. There is little or no trade
in this city. Fine goods bring big
prices. I have sold overcoats as high
as $25 , and dress suits at $20. Dress
suits are a comparative drug in the
market at any time , but occasionally
when an extraordinarily good one is oi
fered it brings a good price. While all
women's apparel offered is bought by
Brooklyn dealers , the jewelry sold is
purchased by dealers over the bridge.
Silk dresses sometimes Wing as high as
$75. One man who does business
in Baxter street , New York , has a prac
tical monopoly of the fine clothing bus-
"What difference , if any , exists be
tween Brooklyn and New York pawn
shops ? "
"In Brooklyn the loans made are not
so large as across the river. Neither is
so much money required to start in the
business. A broker exporting to do a
moderate business could commence on
825,000. There are twenty-live brok
ers in Brooklyn , and the big ones think
nothing of taking in four hundred
pledges a day. The smaller firms av
erage from fifty to one hundred
pledges. All brokers have regular cu -
tornerSj and these are enabled to get
much better loans than strangers. You
would be surprised to see the class oi
people who wear second-hand wo
men's clothing. I often recognize fur-
lined circulars on Fulton street which
were originally purchased of me. A
large trade is done by Brooklyn deal
ers in renting apparel to ladies. "
A Texas Editor's Wail.
(
Press-room , compositor's case , sleep- (
ing apartments for four , dressing-
room , sanctum and business office all
combined , and all included in four box-
style walls which compose a single
room twelve by sixteen feet this is tht
manufactory of those newspaper pel
lets which we issue weekly under the *
label of The Bulletin. The editorial
chair is an inverted pinewood box , or- ' ?
namented with an artistically engraved ]
chromo , beneath which is the suggest-
ive inscription , "Polly wants a 1
cracker , " while our writing desk is a.
single short board laid across the west' '
end of an overgrown Saratoga trunk.l
Es it any wonder that there is a verv
perceptible vein of imbecility running *
through'our editorial and local pages ! *
Ballinger ( Tex. Bulletin. *
A salt well was recently sunk near
Alexander , N. Y.
A Now York sign is : "Boiled Clam-
Juice on Draught"
Strawberry vines are still bearing in
Suinter county , Fla.
A forty-livo-inch sunflower is being
exhibited at Travers. Cal.
Vermont elects state officers , legisla
ture , and congressmen Sept 7.
'
Thirty-five firms in Barre , Vt. , are
engaged in the granite business.
A large number of colored people
ore patronizing Saratogo this year.
Los Angeles , CaL , is considering the
proposition to change tho city charter.
A collection of eight thousand but
tons is owned by a Haleni , N. Y. ,
woman.
Miss Leah Brooks , of Seneca , N. Y. ,
who is only 9 years old , weighs 129
pounds.
A Canadian claims to have found a
piece of barbed wire in a hen's egg
recently.
Over ten car-loads of salmon have
boon shipped this season from Oregon
to tho cast .
Promenading on the beach after dark
is ono of the things Asbury Park will
not tolerate.
A Connecticut editor was compelled
to apologize for referring to a court as
a Lime-Kiln club.
Caterpillars are said to be doing con
siderable damage in the cotton-fields
near Avoyelles , La.
Over $3,000,000 have been stolen by
Philadelphia cashiers , clerks and oth
ers during the past five years.
It has been figured out that it costs
$1,900 every time tho roll is called in
in the house of representatives.
Steamers are carrying cargoes of
California watermelons to Portland ,
Oregon , which soil at S3 a dozen.
Frank McDonald , aged 15 years , am
Essie O'Neal , aged 13 years , were mar
ried recently at Knoxville , Teun.
A Bucksport , Me. , idiot recently won
a wager of $1 by driving his horse am
buggy oil' tho wharf into the river.
Two Piirkerslnirg , W. Va. . j-oung
ladies have started on a drive to Chirks
burg , a distance of one hundred miles
The $10,000 floats figured in the
Albanny N. Y. , bicentennial cclebra
tion were sold at auction recently foi
$65.
$65.A
A tunnel 2,300 feet in length is being
cut through the hill at Bridgeport ,
Conn. , for the new water-works sys
tern.
tern.A
A colored woman at Lcwiston , Va. ,
gave birth to triplets last Thursday.
Their aggregate weight was seventeen
pounds.
Cat-tails stained red , blue , purple ,
and other colors are being sold by the
Boston small boy as specimens of rural
ingenuity.
A Now York brewer threatens to
close up his brewery unless the quality
of water in the public-service pipes is
improved.
The grand jury which adjourned at
Santa Fe , New Mexico , on the last day
of July found 250 indictments , mostly
on land cases.
The Curtis house , aged 250 years ,
was torn down recently at West Box-
bury , Mass. , to make room for modern
improvements.
Fifty-seven of the one hundred regu
lar guests of a Niagara Falls summer
hotel are foreigners , and twenty of
those are titled.
A Hartford , Conn. , man circumvents
the gus company by storing his meter
in a safe-deposit vault when he goes oft
for the summer.
The fishermen of Long Island sound
are having rare sport these days in the
capture of blueiish , which are count
less in number.
The people of Schenecfculy , N. Y. ,
are making preparations to celebrate
the anniversary of the burning of that
town by the Indians.
A couple of sword-fish were recently
captured in Long Island sound , off
Bridgehampton , N. Y. These fish are
rarely seen in those waters.
In Augusta , Ga. , the churches have ]
rules which forbid gentlemen from sitt t
ting on the right side of the house , as
that part is occupied by ladies.
Mobile , Ala. , has the distinction of
being the only city of the world which ,
having tried the electric light for street-
lighting , has gone back to gas. ,
John Slaughter , a colored citizen of
Louisville , Ky. , was severely stabbed
one day recently for accidentally tread
ing on the corns of a white person.
One Atlantic city hotel pays $310 a
week for its band and boards it The
amount spent for music at the various
botels this season will reach $25,000.
:
A New London oyster-dealer has in-
rented a dredge with which starfish ,
the greatest enemies of the oyster , can
be taken from a bed without disturbing
the oysters.
New Jersey pt'ople are hav'ns : an un
pleasant experience with mosquitoes
: his year. In number they are count
less , and their viciousness has never
3een equaled.
In a pocket in the clothes of a drown-
,
jd man found in the canal at St John's ,
Quebec , was a note-book , on a page of ,
ivhich was written : "Will be found
irownecl ; last drunk. "
Since the merchant-tailors of Pitts-
aurgh. Pa. , published a black-list old
jills are being paid up rapidly and [
lew ones are not allowed to accuuiu-
ate as rapidly as formerly.
A colony of bugs besieged the stores
it Patchogue , L. f. , one day last week ,
[ n order to escape the insects the mer-
jhants were obliged to close their
juildings an hour earlier than usuaL
A curious publication in the way of
mique books is a volume of poems
printed in various sized types on paper ;
jf every color of the rainbow , and cov-
jred in brown paper tied with plain
itring.
< ' * * ? * " , ? -x : -
- , t '
.INSPECTOR.
A Tennessee Judge Wbo Visaed To
Bo Accomodatlnc.
Judge F is a very quiet , easy
going man when everything runs
smoothly , but let him onco get rattled
and the neighborhood can not pacify
him. He will snarl at his best friend
when annoyed , and the man who plays
a practical joke on him had better emi
grate. Yesterday , as the clock struck
1 , ho was seated in his office , very
much worried over a chancery case in
which ho is counsel , and his desk was
fairly littered with papers , while ho
was hurrying through with a certain
part of his work before dinner hour.
Suddenly the telephone boll raug a
gentle summons , just as though the
girl in the central ofiice knew the judge
was busy and hated to disturd him , but
v/as , nevertheless , compelled to , in
order to satisfy the individual at tho
other end of the wire. The judge rose J
hurriedly , jerked the receiver from tho
hook , and yelled "Hello ! "
A silvery voice a girlish wont-yoa-
oblige-me accent betrayed that one of
the fair sex was the caller. The judge
toned down and inquired , "Well ? "
"Is tljat Judge'F.'s ? " said the sweet-
toned voice.
"Yes , " was wafted back.
"Oh ! I am so ghd. This is Miss .
N , and I have been given charge * '
of all complaints on the line. Before
making out our new list I wish to learn
how your instrument works. "
"Just like a charm , " replied tho gal
lant judge. "I have no fault to lind
either with the instrument or service. "
Thank you , " was the sweet rejoin
der , "but you know how the managers
would appreciate a few words of com- /
mendation from you , so , if you are not
too busy , would it be asking too much
if you would devote fifteen minutes
toward a thorough test of your instru
ment ? "
When there is a lady in tho case the
judge i-j never in a hurry , and in his
blandest tones he announced himself at
the young lady's bidding.
Another vote of thanks came over
the wire , and the soft voice inquired if ?
he could place his ear about ten inches
higher than the transmitter in order to
test the power of hearing distinctly.
Unfortunately , the judge is largo in
circumference , but not tar from the
ground , and he could net reach his arm
above the ear-trumpet rack , much less
place his head up there.
He ' was a man , however , who was
not to be overcome bv triilcs. and an
idea struck him. He determined to
oblige the telephone girl , and he pro
ceeded to inform 'her to hold the tele
phone just a minute and he would be
ready.
Again the bewitching voice uttered
thanks , and the judge put his plan into
operation. The telephone was along
side the office window , about half-way
up the casing was a stout nail ; arevolv- * .
ing bookcase stood on the iloor. It was
quickly rolled over toward the window ;
the judge mounted it , grasped the nail
on the window-casing with one hand ,
the ear-trumpet with the other and
sang out "All read- . "
There was no response , and the judge
nearly twisted his neck out of joint as
he leaned down and related the words
through the transmitter. - !
The sweet voice answered in a low
tone , and the judge strained his ears in
listening. "Now , judge. " came the
message , "listen attentively and repeat
the following words back to me , so
that I may know you heard them dis
tinctly : " "What part of speech is the
wordtransinogrificanbandanduciality ? "
It was too much , even for tfie judge.
On the tenth syllable he squirmed ; tho
nail broke ; he made a grab for the tele- *
phone box ; the bookcase revolved , and
the renters in the story below thought
the roof had fallen in. When several
of them came running into the room
the judge was lying in the middle of
the Iloor , the law books from the case
between his knees , while in his hand he
hugged the fatal car-trumpet , which
he had clung to in his fall , and the cord
of which had been snapped in twain. f
The matter was given into the hands
of a detective , who last night reported e
to the judge that the telephone corn-
pan } ' employed no inspectors or testers
af instruments , and further , that tho
sail came from a private residence
where the judge's wife was spending
the day. An air of unusual coolness
permeates the judge's home now , and
; he telephone company has lot a sub- * <
criber. Nashville Union.
Courting : in Fancy Dress.
It would seem as if there were no
satisfying the changeful mind of
vomen. Everybody knows the disas-
rous effect produced on the simple vil-
agc maiden when the versatile Lord of Y
Surleigh dropped the role of painter
ind showed himself in his true colors.
Caking warning by this young ladj-'s
iad fate , Mr. Conway , a thoughtful
Hitler , determined to reverse the order
> f things in the Lord of Burleigh's
ruel proceedings. So he went to
America , called himself the Hon. Sey-
nour Conway , and wooed and won a
ligh-born maiden to be his wife. He
hen brought his wife to his butterv in >
England , where he of course drop'ped
he Hon. Seymour part of himself and '
irepared to settle down to domestic
ife. But instead of being delighted at
his little surprise the lady is terribly
innoyed. It is true she has not died ,
nit she has done the next best thin" %
nd instituted divorce proceedings ,
hurting in fancy dress seems not to be
success whichever wav it is tried.
Gazette.
The Texan Away from Home.
Stranger ( to bartender ) I'm three
ays from Texas , mister , whar I was
o'n an' raised , an' I want er drink ,
rimme suthin hot
Bartender I can give you some pow
ered glass and ar&enie/sir , with pep- .
er-sauco and .
furniture-polis.h.
Stranger No live hornets ?
Bartender Not a live hornet in the
lace.
Stranger Weli. gimme what you've - ]
ot. A man can drink 'most anythin' ,
ut I did want sathin ter warm me up.
start fer Texas ter-morrer , stranger.
-New York iSirn.
' U
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