4THE LIFE-SAVING SERVICE.
A. Splendid nccord Durlns the Post
year Many Persons Saved from
DroAvnlng : .
The operations of tho life-saving ser-
rice for the fiscal year ending June 30 ,
1885 , are described at some length in
ihe annual report , which has just been
published in a volume containing more
than four hundred pages. The service
is still in the same able hands that have
brought it through many trials to its
present efficient state. Sumner I. Kim-
ball is the general superintendent and
Dapt James H. Merryman , of the
revenue marine , is inspector of life-sav
ing stations. There are 203 stations on
the Atlantic and Pacific coasts , the
gulf , and the great lakes. Of these
more than half (105) ( are on the Atlan
tic coast , between the top of Maine and
Cape May , 47 are between Cape May
ind Key West , 5 are on the gulf coast ,
10 are on Lakes Erie and Ontario ,
13 on Lake Huron and Superior , 16 on
Lake Michigan , and 7 on the Pacific
toast As a very large share of the
ihipping comes into New York harbor ,
and is thus brought close to one of the
most dangerous coasts , a large number
of the stations are situated where they
; an assist distressed vessels bound for
Dr from this port. There are 79 stations
pn the coists of Rhode Island , Long
island , and New Jersey. There is one
river station at tho falls of the Ohio ,
Louisville , Ky. , and the writer can tes-
sify from his own experience to the
promptness and spirityith which the
members of that crew hasten to the
relief of boats endangered by the
falls. The usual complement of men
it each station is six surfmen , one
of whom is the captain in. charge ; but
some of the stations have seven and
some eight men. On the Atlantic
: oasts the season in which the stations
ire manned is from Sept 1 to April 30.
En the words of the i-eport , "there were
? 5G disasters to documented vessels
tvithin the field of station operations
ihiring the year. There were on board
: hcse vessels 2,206 persons , of whom
? ,19G were saved and only 10 lost.
The number of disasters involving the
total loss of vessels was 56. The esti
mated value of the 256 vessels was $3.-
519,550 , and that of their cargoes § 1-
084,905 , making the total value of the
property involved $4,604,455 , Of this
unount § 3,352,760 was saved and $1-
251,695 was lost. Besides these , there
tvere 115 instances of accidents to
small craft , as sailboats , rowboats , etc. ,
on which were 233 persons , all of whom
tvere saved except one. "
"There were 82 disasters in the vi-
linity of New York , in the territory
covered by the Third and Fourth dis
tricts on the Rhode Island , Long Island
and New Jersey coasts. The total value
of the property thus endangered was
B1G67,1G5 , of which 81,007,120 was
; aved and 8661,045 was lost The num
ber of persons saved here was 715 , and
; he number of persons lost , one. The
total loss of life within the scope of the
service is the smallest ever reached
since its general extension , except in the
pear 1880 , when but nine persons were
lost The assistance rendered in sav-
mg vessels and cargoes during the
pear was larger than in any previous
fear , except the last preceding. " Be-
Jwecn the dale ot tlie adoption of the
present excellent system , Nov. 1 , 1871 ,
ind June 30 , 1885 , there were 2,918 dis
asters to vessels , endangering 25,093
lives , and 851,763,694 worth of proper-
ry. The total number of lives lost was
Dnly 457 , and the value of the property
lost $15,485,765 , showing that more
than 70 per cent of the lives
2ndangered were saved. Eight of
She ten lives lost in the last year
were in the wreck of the Norwegian
Dark Lena , under circumstances that
aiade it possible for the life-savers to
render assistance in time. The Lena
struck on the southeast bar of Hog
island , Virginia , on Dec. 27. 1884. She
ivas bound from Natal , Brazil , for Phila-
Jelphia , with a cargo of sugar , and had
i crew of nine men. The story of the
srew's noble efforts to rescue her cap
tain and sailors is full of excitement.
She was discovered at 4 o'clock in the
morning. "The keeper at once order-
jd out the surf boat The night was
Jark and cloudy , and the wind blow
ing moderately from the north , but the
lea , which was then at quarter ebb ,
ivas extraordinary. Such a furand
: onfusion of surf the keeper declared
he had not seen for eleven years. The
tide was falling fast from the beach ,
ind the apparatus was hurriedly got
ready and planted at low-water mark.
All this time it had been thick and
3ark , but toward 7 o'clock day-light
: nme , and showed the vessel leaping
nd staggering forward. The gun was
it once trained upon her and the first
shot fired , but her great distance from
shore was at once made evident , for the
line fell short several hundred yards.
83 * 8 o'clock it began to snow. A
second was fired at the wreck , which
ivas still jumping and crashing with
[ earful violence , but the line fel' ' short
igain , and a third shot likewise. It
ivas now about 10 o'clock. The snow
had given place to rain , but the sea
: ontinued appalling. The chance of
reaching , the vessel by boat was no less
than desperate. " But the effort was
made. "For over an hour the crew
toiled with almost breaking sinews ,
perpetually repulsed , and final
ly , quite exhausted , was car
ried at least half a mile down tho
beach by the current , with the boat
nearly full of water. " The boat could
not get out. "As night approached
the keeper built a large fire upon the
jcach abreast of the wreck. Aii hour
oefore midnijjht a fog overspread the
roaring waters and the vessel was shut
Dff from view. At 4 o'clock the next
morning the keeper saw vaguely a
lark spot on the sea through the heavy
roiling of the fog. The surf boat was
at once manned and put out through
the darkness in a sea of commingled
breakers and wreckage. With great
jffort the crew succeeded in reaching
Jie dim mass , and found that it was the
; abin and stern of the wreck. On it
swo men , still living , but more dead
than alive , were lashed , and the lifeless
body of the captain. " These men
were taken ashore and saved. The
seven men lost had been in the rigging/
ind were all lost overboard , and the
japiaiu'died on the fragment of the
wreck. Nothing more was ever seen
of the bark except tho bits of wreckage
that washed ashore.
For tho support of tho life-saving
service , including salaries of all the
officers inspectors , superintendents ,
keepers and surfmen , and everything
required for the maintenance of the
203 stations , an appropriation of $852-
000 was made last year. And tho ex
penditures were $788,299.94 , leaving
$63,700.66 on hand. The health of
the establishment is good , judging
from the item of $23 15 expended for
medicines. The entire cost of the ser
vice , it will be seen , falls about $2,500-
000 short of the value of the property
saved in the vicinity of New York
alone , without putting any value at all
upon tho lives saved. New York
Times.
ENGLAND'S DRINK BILL.
that Ofler No'Enccuracement
to tho Friends of Temperance.
Once a year The London Times makes
room for a detailed statement of En
gland's drink bill. That statement has
just appeared. It shows a reduction from
1884 for last year , but not a reduction of
a character to encourage the friends of
temperance. For many years the state
ment has been made by Mr. William
Hoyle , F. S. S , , but this time another
member of the Statistical society , Mr.
Dawson Burns , D. D. , signs his name
to the report The British expenditure
upon drink in 1885 was $616,343,800 , a
decrease of about $15,000,000 from the
preceding year. But Mr. Burns says :
"In regard to the causes of diminution ,
we must , I fear , look to the continued
and in some quarters increasing de
pression of trade rather than to the
growth of thrift and temperance in the
country. With the removal of this do
pression we should most probably find
the drink bill become heavier , and its
social sequences become darker. " This
is a reasonable inference from the sta
tistics of preceding years. The state of
trade in England always reflects itself
in the drink bill. Mr. Burns gives the
footings from 1860 to 1885 inclusive ,
and they show this very plainly.
In that quarter of the century the
drink bill has mounted from $425,000-
000 to $616,000,000. Mr. Burns says :
"The years of commercial prosperity
brought with them a vastly augmented
expenditure upon strong drink , and
even when that prosperity began to
decline the special impetus that had
been given to drinking habits resisted
for a time , and yielded but slowly to
the stress of diminishing resources. "
That is to say that people began by
economizing in other directions , ami
only cut down the drink expenditure
when they were 'compelled to do so ;
even then continuing to consume large
ly. Of course the increase between
1860 and 1885 is partly accounted for
by the growth of population , but Mr.
Burns holds that allowing for this the
increase in the drink bill shows a de
cline rather than progress in temper
ance. "It is clear , " he says , "that the
amount of the national drink bill is
still enormous , being equal to the na
tion's expenditure for bread , butter , and-
cheese ; it is not short of the rents paid
for farms and houses in the United
Kingdom ; is three times the amount
spent for tea , sugar , coffee , and cocoa ,
and is six times the amount of our ex
penditure on linen and cotton goods. "
Taking the families of the United King
dom at six millions , the gross expendi
ture for drink in 1885 gives an average
expenditure per family of $102.50 , or
reckoning five persons to a family ,
$20.50 per head. Of course , if those
who do not drink at all are subtracted ,
the average is very much greater , ris
ing , in fact , to $170 per family of five
persons.
This is an enormous expenditure up
on drink ; an enormous waste of capital
to put the fact plainly , for the money
spent upon drink is as a rule not only
thrown away , but much worse than
thrown away , being expended in the
creation of a swarm of evils which
would not otherwise have existed. It
may well be asked what effect upon the
general well-being of Great Britain
would be produced by the expenditure
of this $600,000,000 upon productive
industry , upon the necessaries of life ,
upon land and horses , upon education ,
books , pictures , all that ministers to
and develops the higher life of a nation.
There can be no doubt at all that a
large percentage of the poverty , desti
tution , ignorance , misery , which now
perplexes society , would disappear if
the constant leak of the drink bill
would be stopped. But though there
is much movement in thinking circles
at 'this time , though social problems
have never been studied more seri
ously , the development of luxury and
gross material enjoyments proceeds
even more rapidly than the evolution of
patriotic solicitude and intelligence ,
and the example set by the rich is in
no way such as to incite the poor to
self-restraint. England's drink bill is
a document which has for Americans
deep interest , for our own expenditure
in the same direction is a duplicate of
that of our cousins across the ocean ,
and every consideration or argument
springing from and relating to the one
case has equal significance for tho
other. How to get rid of this annual
record of gross indulgence and suicidal
vice is the most pressing question in
both branches of the great Anglo-Saxon
family. New York Tribune.
ilissed in the iToriiing- .
"Are the dews very heavy here ? "
inquired the guest who was waiting to
be sent as near to the roof as the
shingles would let him go.
"I should say so , " replied the brisk
clerk , reassuringly ; " 89 and 91 have
been here six weeks , with five extras a
day , without showing a cent ; 431 has
been owing us ever since last summer ,
three parlors on the dining-room floor
are more than a month behind , and
parlor A , who has been here five weeks ,
borrowed $25 of the house last night
and skipped with a month's board and
over $200 on the bar books. Heavy
dues ! Any baggage ? Pay in advance ,
please. Front ! Show the gentleman
to 986 , in the annex , and if it isn't in
order have it put in order right away.
Change you in the moring. sir. " Bur-
delte.
: AND THERE.
Three young men of Boston recent ! ;
rodu their bicycles from that city t <
Ne\v Orleans a distance of 1,700 miles
Victoria , British Columbia , is sc
quiet and respectable that the citj
council has decided to do without a
jailer.
A witness who swears by the bible is
not bound to kiss the book , according
to a recent decision of a New Jersej
justice.
Four times a month the Catholic
priests of the diocese of New York nice !
and discuss theological subjects in thi
Latin tongue.
In Ohio county , Kentucky , last wool
John Hunter , a negro , was sentenced
to the penitentiary for life , his crimt
being tho theft of $13.
It has been asserted , and with t
great deal of truth , that though we oft
en hear of the man who draws the bis
prize in lottery , we rarely meet him.
At one point of the Cascade brand
of the Northern Pacific the railroad de
scribes a horse-shoe which is two and a
quarter miles around , and only fifteen
hundred feet across the hill at the opec
end of it.
Clingstone , the trotter that beat
Harry Wilkes in a great race at Detroil
last year , and who has made a mile SE
2:14 , is said to be ailiicted with his same
old trouble weakness in the legs ano
it is thought his trotting feats are over.
There are now in Swaim and othei
extreme western counties of North Car
olina 1,881 Cherokee Indians. They hold
73,000 acres of land by deed of trust
They are urged to go to Indian Ter
ritory , and are considering the matter.
A lake of salt water is reported tc
have been discovered recently neai
Akron , O. It is over 1,000 feet deep ,
and thesurface is over 2,400 feet belo\i
the surface of the earth. It was dis
covered by parties who were boring foi
gas.
gas.A
A Hamilton ( Ont ) hotel-keeper waa
recently arrested for having a light in
his bar-room during prohibited hours.
It has since been found out tht the
light was a reflection from a gasjet in s
passage leading from the bar-room tc
the dining-room.
A New Orleans citizen three weeks
ago put a double-yolked egg under a
sitting hen. Last Sunday a little head
came through each end of the egg , and
when the shell was removed , two chickj
were found. They were slightly united ,
but were easily separated.
Jacob Weiler , aged 62 , at Lobachs-
ville , Pa. , while at supper was inform
ed that a letter containing $1,700
back pension money had been received
for him. In hurrying to finish the meal
a piece of meat became lodged in his
wind-pipe and he choked to death.
Philadelphia barbers are expressing
discontent in a different manner from
Boston members of the profession. In
stead of closing business at an } ' time
the 5-cent barbers have threatened tc
raise the price to 10 cents , and great
excitement has arisen in consequence.
A Kingston , N. Y. , lawyer appeared
before the board of education of that
city a few days ago and asked that a
$1,000 assessment be taken from the
property of a neighbor and put upon
his own lot This was such an extraor
dinary request that the members of tha
board were nearly struck speechless.
A rather odd incident occurred one
day during a recent temperance camj > -
mceting at Spring Grove , N. Y. A
hawk's nest had been broken up by
some boys , and when the old hawk dis
covered this she swooped down into
the crowd , seized a straw hat from a
man's head , and bore it away beyond
recover } ' .
The skull of a man dug up at North-
borough , Mass. , last year , proves a
puzzle for the naturalists. Prof. Put
nam , of the Peabody museum at Cam
bridge , says it is the most remarkable
and interesting skull he over studied.
Not one of the great collection of the
heads of the Peabody museum is any
thing like it.
The aggregate of San Carlos agency
Indians in 1881 was 4,578. Two years
later the official numeration places the
number at 5,000 , as follows : White
Mountain Apaches , including Coy-
oteros , 1,500 ; San Carlos Apaches ,
1,150 ; Chiricahuas , including Warm
Spring Indians , 450 : Apache Yuma ,
350 ; Apache Tonto , 900 ; Apache Mojave ,
700 , Supai , 214.
A code of signals has been arranged
for the use of transatlantic steamers to
warn one another of the presence of
ice. By the adoption of this code a
steamer approaching the ice region can
quickly ascertain from any vessel which
has crossed the Newfoundland banks
just where ice was seen , and what kind
of ice ( whether heavy pack , icebergs ,
or light field ice ) .
Farmer Daniel Wadsworth , of Wol-
cott , N. Y. , has established a new
branch of musical education. Instead
of making the hills resound with the
musical echoes of "P-o-o-e-e , " when he
wishes to call his hogs , lie merely
whistles "Yankee Doddle , " and tho
herd comes m on the run. The intense
Americanism of the porkers is shown
by the fact that they pay no attention
to any other tune.
In the court of common pleas , New
York city , Chief Justice Larramore dis
missed the complaint of Patrick Clarke
against Ranson Parker , Jr. , brought to
recover $50.000 for injuries recieved
while assisting in unloading an ice
barge. The plaintiff's neck was broken ,
and he lay in Bellevue hospital two
years. The peculiarity of the case
made him the theme of lectures at the
time by several of the doctors in at
tendance.
Several months ag o Annie Sheely , a
young Irish lass , waiting at the table of
her master , Mr. Carroll , of Ireland ,
was insulted by one of the guests who
had been drinking too freely. John
Carroll , a son of the family , knocked
the insulter down and followed up this
hit of gallantry by falling in love with
the pretty Annie. He said he would
marry the girl , and the father turned
him out of the house. He came to
America and dug ditches for a living.
This week Annie arrived at New York ,
and was scarcely ashore before her
ditch-digging , disinherited lover spied
her , and taking her before Rev. Father
John J. Riordan , married her on the
spot.
A STUDY IN NATURAL HISTORY.
What a Manwith an Inquiring Mind
Observed in an Hour's Drive.
Lack of opportunity is often given as
an excuse for either common , ordinary
laziness , sometimes indolence of body ,
and often stupor of mind. Men who
had rather have their wives or families
support them than reverse the order ,
complain that they can find nothing to
do. Thejr hunt work by sitting along
the river banks in summer and loung
ing in saloons in winter.
About tho best instance of lack of
opportunity lately heard of is that of a
tramp who applied for food at a house
one August , saying that he would like
to work at his trade , but "hadn't got
no chance. " When quizzed as to the
nature of his trade , he replied : "Shor-
eiin' snow. "
There are numerous people who
would like to follow up some study ,
often merely as a pastime , but who ofl'cr
the same old excuse , no opportunity.
"I would like very much to study bot
any , geology , mineralogy , or natural
history , but there is no chance to carry
it on in town. " They further urge
that the specimens so necessary for
illustration are not to be had without
going to the country , and that takes
loo much time. The trouble with most
of these is that they are mentally too
lazy to study the technical terms which
lie at the very foundation of any of
these branches , and which arc required
in description and elucidation.
With these thoughts in mind it was
determined to notice what objects of
natural history might be seen in an
hour's drive recently. The drive was
on an entirely different mission , and
the objects seen obtruded themselves
unsought upon the attention.
The first living thing appeared upon
the desk as preparations were being
made to start It was nothing but a
cockroach , but even a cockroach is good
for a "starter. " To begin with it was
strange that this little insect should be
abroad in daylight , as it is exclusively
a ncctural insect , and easily frightened
back to its hole upon the approach of
light It is a very curious thing how
animals of certain kinds increase the
limits of their original homes. Those
which do so are always such as are cun
ning in evading their"natural enemies.
Cockroaches escape by virtue of their
ability to run swiftly. They are sprin
ters , all of them , and can easily dis
tance on foot nearly every insect of
their size and weight.
They are said to have come here
from Asia , their natural home. From
thence , also , they spread t.ver Europe.
We have : i species of cockroaches in
our own country , but they are well-be
haved , know their place , a id stay in it
Ours live in the woods , under dead
wood and leaves , and never come to
our houses to be pests like the eastern
ones. The name of the common cock
roach indicates its origin. It is called
blatta orienlalis , or eastern bug.
The blatta is an assisted emigrant
They came to us in ships' cargoes , and
are in some houses a terrible pest
They feed indiscriminately upon ani
mal and vegetable matter , and will
even destroy clothing , leather , wool ,
and cotton. Although they have an
omnivorous appetite , there are some
thiiiirs which disagree with them , and ,
seeming to be no respecter of food ,
their downfall lies in their appetite , as
in many of their human neighbors. A
mixture of red lead , corn meal , and
molasses made into a batter and placed
near their haunts will soon rid a house
of them , as they eat greedily of the
feasr , which causes speedy death.
Borax is especially obnoxious to the
blatta , and it is saitl they will leave a
place where it is sprinkled.
While speculating upon the great
distance the cockroach was from home ,
a little insect ran sw.ftly across the
desk. Its name means "silver fish. "
It is the little silvery insect so often
seen about the edges of carpet and in
musty places. It has for a long time
been considered harmless , but lately is
accused of eating the bindings of
books and labels , or any other matter
which contains paste , of which , like
the cockroach , it is very fond.
In walking from the ollice to the
stable , two more insects were seen
dead upon the sidewalk a dragon-fly
and a beautiful beetle known as the
caterpillar hunter. Both are of great
use to man and it was with regret that
their death was noted.
Everybody is familiar with the dragon
fly , snake-feeder , devil's darning-nee
dle , or whatever name it may be called.
It has a large head ornamnted by im
mense eyes , and armed with a power
ful pair of jaws. Closely following are
the two pairs of wings pro"-cting stillly
at right angles with the body , dry ,
harsh , and rustling , but lace-like in
their transparent beauty.
Then follows the long pointed body
striped with green and orn. > mented at
the with two feather-like
extremity - ap
pendages.
They fly for hours over and about
ponds , wheeling or sailing , or hovering
nearly motionless in onepot. . They
are indeed beautiful.
Their food consists entirely of insects
which they catch and devour. It is
hard to compute the number of gnats ,
mosquitoes , and flies one single dragon
fly can devour in one summer day.
They are perfectly harmless to man.
and entirely undeserving the relentless
pursuit with towel or broom when one
by change enters the room in quest of
mosquitoes or flies. One dragon fly
will rid a room of mosquitoes in haff
an hour if left to his own device , and it
will pay anyone not to kill a hapless
wanderer which strays into his house ,
and whose greatest desire is not to
frighten the timid inmates , but to es
cape to the woods , brooks , and ponds ,
there to kill and devuiir what is man's
enemy and dragon's food.
The other insect found dead is not
behind this one in well doing. The
caterpillar-hunter is a little larger than
a June bug , flatter in the body , and
with a most brilliant green-gold back
bordered with a stripe of indescant pink
or red.
This is a swift runner , living largely
upon trees , over which it rapidly moves
seeking larvoj and those little green
worms which do so much damage to
vegetation. It is probably no exagera-
tion to say that one beetle will kill a
quart of slugs and worms in a season.
The limits of space forbid the relat
ing of a journy but only commenced
but it is enoug'h for illustration of tin
fact that one need not go far for speci
mens , and that lack of opportunity i :
not the real causa of failure to pursue
study of this kind.
During tho hour's drive there were
seen eight different species of animals
eleven kinds of birds , four of fishes , am
enough insects with which to keep one
cudgoling his brain to become acquaint
ed , and some of which , if he knew too
intimately , might cause him to cease
cudgeling his brain and pay regard to
his body. Pittsburgh Dispatcli.
NEW IDEA IN FROGS.
John , Toy's Queer Catch and His Sci
entific Explanation of It.
John Joy , of this city , is a profes
sional frog hunter , and from tho time
tho first song of the acrobatic denizen
of the marsh and swamp is heard in
the spring , until its plaint dies away
with the coming of winter , he dangles
his treacherous red flannel-baited hook
in front of the lugubrious songster , am
3'anks him in by the hundred. He is
known as the champion frog catcher o
Ulster County. The other day , while
on one of his expeditions among the
Bennekill ponds , he captured an uuusu
ally large and unusually lively frog. Ii
gave him such a light that it was sever
al minutes before the hunter landei :
the animate delicacy. Then Mr. Jo }
found what had made the frog so lively.
It had five most excellent legs , ant
three of them were on the hind end o
the prize , where the legs that form thu
edible portion of the frog always grow.
The champion brought his rare prize to
Rondout and sold it for three times the
price that an ordinary cvery-day four-
legged frog would have brought him.
"I ketched a frog once , " says Mr.
Joy , in speaking of his latest capture ,
"that had whiskers like a cat
kelched another one once that had a
tail almost like a mush-rat's. 'Nother
time I hauled in a big feller that only
had one hind leg , and that was enough
like a chicken's to have had a spur on
it , but it didn't. Then there was that
curious old frog I ketched a good many
years ago , that had a head that you'd
a swore belonged to a suappin' turtle ,
an' the nobby feller I yanked out o'
the swamp with a reg'lar white streak
round iiis neck , like a dude's collar ,
an' a round spot coverin' one o' his
eyes that made him look exactly as if
he was wearin' one o' them dandy eye
glasses. Then there was the frog
ketched that was so cross-eyed I was
almost afraid to take it oil' the hook.
But I consider this here live-legged
frog the greatest piece o' flesh o' that
kind I ever ketched. I'll tell yc why.
It hain't no freak , that five-legger
haint. It's the result o' deliberation on
the part o' the frogs. Frogs is gettin'
scarce , but folks fias got to have 'em ,
an' the frogs know it. Frogs is the
smartest things in creation. Now ,
what does them five legs on that frog
mean ? It means that the frogs know
what they're here fur. an' knowin' that
their race is growin' lesser an' lesser
on the face o' the earth , they're just a
goin' inter the growin' o' more legs ,
so's the decrease in the number o'
frogs ' 11 be made up by the increase in
their fat and juicy kickers. This feller
I ketched only had five. They'll be
doin' better by an' by , an' some o'
these days I'll fetch in a stock o' frogs
wearin' all the way from eight to ten
legs apiece , an' ev'ry one of 'cm of a
quality to make a frog-eater crazy.
Mind what I'm tellin' ye. Frogs is
( revolutin' an' I know it" Rondoid
N. Y. ) Cor. , N. Y. Sun.
Lord Chesterfield to His Son.
( MODERNIZED. )
My son , as you are about to face tho
great world at college , and as I have
had considerable experience in the wick
ed ways of life , I think it would be well
for you to listen to my advice for a few
moments.
You are going to college as you
know solely to have a good time ,
make acquaintances , and to learn to
row and play ball. Do not learn any
thing else except to judge horses and
sail yachts , as this is an age when it
is fashionable to be ignorant , : md what
ever is fashionable is right It was not
so very many years ago that things
were different , and young people were
or tried to be accomplished antl gave
evidence of having some traces of
brains , but we have changed all that
now , and gone in for stupidity , on the
ground that only poor , low-down chaps
\vlio work for a living are brilliant and
brainy nowadays.
Above all , never read anything be
yond the sporting papers , as you might
run the chance of being calfed a liter
ary feller , and there is nothing society
hates so much , as it considers it an as
sumption that you know more than oth
er people and of course the other people
are howling mad.
Be careful to select your friends
among the rich , and remember that
your friends are your friends for what
they can get out of you , and vice versa.
Strive for mediocrity in all things and
you will always be popular. If you
rise to greatness in anything you will
be hated. Greatness , by the way , is an
unknown quantity , the result of"adver
tising.
You will find womankind divided into
two classes , the brilliant , bad and beau
tiful ; and the good , homely and stupid.
Keep away from them all if you can ,
but you can't Above all , though , never
trust a woman. Keep this maxim
always before you , let it ever float be
fore your mind's eye like a moral Mo
hammed's coffin. "
If at any time you feel a desire to get
married , go and buy a horse at auction ;
it is much the same thing , except that
in case you are "caught" and you
probably will be you can get off with
a trifling loss.
If you are ever undecided upon any
important affair , ask the advice of your
best friends in the matter and then do
the exact opposite.
At the end of your college-course you
" "
will go abroad"and the result of "the
trip will be that you will learn that
Americans are vulgar , English brutal ,
and the Continent immoral , and thai
the latter condition is the most pre
ferable.
You will also be ah , asleep ? " Life.
AROUND PERUGIA. .
A IIIHy Country , Honeycombed
Etruscan Burial Vaults.
The oltl town of Perugia iswell
worth visiting on many accounts , writes
a correspondent of The Journal oj
Commerce. Traveling by rail from
Rome to Florence , one sees large clus
ters of houses perched high on the hill
side. They are crowned with campa
niles and domes , surrounded by high
walls , and provoke one's curiosity to
make their closer acquaintance. But
on consulting his guide-book tho tour
ist finds that these elevated settlcnir.rjj
contain few objects of interest , better
examples of which can be found else
where. Ho also learns , which is : i3
much to the purpose , that they have no
good hotels. Now , Perugia is very old ,
very quaint , full of venerable historical
associations , a center of Etruscan tombs-
and other antiquities , 1,700 feet abovu
the sea , and 'has a first-class hotel.
This modern structure occupies tha
highest ground of the town , and com
mands a magnificent view of tho Ura-
brian valley. East , south , and west I
survey all the details of a landscape of
variety and beauty unsurpassed. It is
intersected by the Tiber and some
smaller rivers , which Hash in the morn
ing sun. Many villages are visible as
brown patches , among them Assassi ,
famous as the birthplace of St. Francis.
Mountains bound this view on all sides.
Some of them arc still tipped with snow ,
and their summits would easily bo taken
for clouds , if the latter were not scur
rying past in the south wind. This
wind will soon melt the snow , and is
already making Perugia uncomfortable.
As I write a haze is beginning to blot
out the more distant villages' A heat
ed term is threatening. But Americans
are not to be frightened by that. Only
I wish the roads were not quite so white
and dusty. {
This country is a vast cemetery. No
one can say how many races wero
buried here before the Etruscans passed
away in their turn ami left the ground
honeycomcd with their tombs. When
one sinks a well or digs a cellar for a
house he is apt to strike his spade
aganst a rock , which gives back a hol
low sound. It is the roof of an Etrus
can burial vault From this subter
ranean chamber the air has been ex
cluded for more than two thousand
years. I am toltl that strange things
arc sometimes seen in these tombs at
tho moment when they are opened , and
then vanish forever. They say that
glimpses are caught of old Etruscan ,
lords and ladies sitting at banquets , and
that these disappear the instant the
outer air touches them. When tho
finder proceeds to open and examine
the tomb he discovers nothing but a
heap of dust in place of the vision that
hail startled him. These are obviously
fables , for the most part Though I
believe that it is true that an Etruscan
knight in full armor collapsed to dusty
nothingness in precisely this way when
his tomb was invaded a few years ago.
We have been to see the sepulcher of
the Volumnii , about live miles below
Perugia , and found it and its contents
very strange and interesting. It is sup
posed to date back to the third eeutury ,
B. C. A descent of some thirty steps
leads down to it from the road
side. First , a chamber about twenty-
five feet square is centered , and from
this smaller apartments branch to right
anil left The septilcher is hewn out of
the tufa roek. It is very damp and
cold. Heads of Medusa , dolphins , and
serpents are carved with much skill on
the top and shies of this tomb. All
around stand small stone urns , each
one bearing in ulto relievo the repre
sentation of a light One man is always
killing another unless the scene is var
ied by the sacrifice of a bound and
helpless woman or child on an altar.
The covers of these urns are higher
works of art They are surmoiuited
with recumbent figures of men and
women. These are dressed in the cos
tume of their age and sex. and each
has in his or her hand a bowl for tears.
Lifting off the cover I find inside tho
urn about a hat full of ashes. I run my
lingers through this mass and feel frag
ments of burnt bones. But I am rude
ly stirring up all that remains of some
gallant warrior or some haughty beau
ty , and I withdraw my hand with a.
'
sense of remorse. A g'reat many per
sonal ornaments of exceeding richness
and grace have been taken from these
receptacles , and are separately exhibit
ed by the custodian. But if oue wishes
to realize the full extent of the arts and
sciences to the old Etruscans he should
nspect the splendid collection in tho
miversity museum at Perugia.
Woman's L'est Friend.
A hairpin is a woman's best friend.
"t fits a multiplicity of uses , and she is
icver without one. If her hair is short
rou can depend upon it that in a recess
of her purse or a pocket of her reticule
you will find the hairpin. If she but-
ons her shoes she uses her hairpin ,
ind who oversaw a woman button her
gloves with anything else ? If her head
tches does she scratch it with her lin
ger ? Nonsense ! She whips out a
Kiirpin and relieves herself. Suppose
i nickle has dropped between the bars
of the wooden foot grate in the street
car. Does she soil her fingers as a
man would , and then not get it ? Cer-
: ainly not. Out comes the hairpin , and
. .he coin is lifted out without trouble.
If her shawlpin is lost , where so good
i substitute as the hairpin ? If she
eats a nut does she take a nutpick ?
Most assuredly not The hairpin again.
is with the hairpin that she rips open
, he uncut leaves of a book or magazine ;
t is a hairpin with which she marks her
> rogress in her favorite book ; if a trunk
cey is missing a hairpin opens a re-
ractory lock as neatly as a burglar's
skeleton key would" ; with it she
cleanses her fingernails and , if it is ' * .
clean one , even picks her teeth. Ai.fi
the feats of hair-securing that she will
make a simple bow-legged hairpin ac
complish nearly surpasses the belief of
man. Altogether , it deserves to be
classed among the great inventions of
: he world , and the grave of the ori'r-
nal man who created the first one could
lave no prouder epitaph than this :
"This is the kind of a hairpin he was. "
Chicago News.