THEY KNOW HB EDITOK.
BV BENJAM.IX KOIlTlinOP.
' Fix it for 3011 ? " observed X. "Of
course . I will ; I can do it as casv as
.A * . *
winking. No trouble at all. I should
be delighted. I knoyv the editor and
he will do anything I ask him to. "
So , so. You are going to fix it , are
you , X , old bo3 * ? And it won't be a
_ particlo of trouble because you knoyv
the editor ? So 3-011 do , EO 3-011 do ; and ,
friend X. , yvhat is a great deal more to
the point , ho knows you. He knoyvs
you like a book. Let me sec , where did
the editor meet 3011 first ? Oh ! yes. I
have it now.
You yvere boys together in the same
countrj' town. Perhaps his father yvas
a poor man ami 3ours was a the counlv
judge. Perhaps 3-011 yvore tailor-made
clothes at school and his yvere home
spun and patched. You didn't know
him in those days. Mr. X. , for 3-011 yvere
rich and he was poor. After a feyv years
3'our father died and 3011 went into a
dry goods store as a clerk while the ed
itor yvcnt to the city and became a
newspaper reporter. Not many years
afterward he yvas the editor of the paper ,
for the editor had yvhat you alwa3's lack
ed , friend X. , brains. When he yvcnt
back to his native toyvn , a short time
ago , a rich and prosperous man-of-lho-
world , 3'ou knew him then , just as
easy . And you would have resented
with indignation any reference to the
old times when 3-011 didn't care to know
him. Don't deny it , for you knoyv 3Tou
would.
Yes , you knoyv the editor , X. , there n
no doubt about that , but when 3-011 visi
his office and try to "fix it" for your
friend you yvill find , friend X. , that he
knows you , too , and I don't believe you
will find it as simple an operation as
3'ou imagine. If 3-011 don't agree witl
me , just try it and sec.
You have tried fixing things yvith the
editor before. Yes , 3-011 have. If yoi
have forgotten them , I yvill remind you.
Some years ago you wanted him to give
yon three or four columns of his ncyvs-
papcr to puff your friend Jones for the
office of alderman of his ward. You
went by the name of B. that time. But
you yvere the same old X. 3-011 alyys
wore. You kneyy the editor , the same
as you did this time. But you made his
acquaintance differently. You met him
at a political convention. You yvere in
troduced to him at the hotel , and 3ou
insisted on his taking a drink yvith you
on the strength of the introduction.
Then you gave him a cigar , the llavor
of yvhich has never left the editor since
that day , and never yvill so long as his
memory * of bad odors lasts. You spent
ten minutes yvith the editor telling him
what a great manou yvere , and all that
evening you told 3'our.friends that you
weresolid yvith the press" because you
"kneyv the editor. " You have boasted
of it ever since. Don't ask me how I
knoyv , because I shall not tell 3'ou. But
it is true , all the same.
You remember the time 3011 volun
teered to visit his office and give Jones
a boom. Jones thanked you gratefully
for the favor and 3-011 posed for a time
as a benefactor , for it yvas not the edi
tor who yvas going to render the obli
gation , but 3-011 , B. , the editor's friend.
Ah ! B. , old boy , that yvas a sly dodge.
Come , confess , noyv , didn' it strike 3'ou
then that 3-ou yverc a pretty sharp old
fellow to pull the wool over the eyes of
Jones and the editor , too ?
But it didn't yvork. Somehoyv , yvhen
you reached the editor's office and
fr
mentioned your plan , he seemed to ob
ject to it. lie didn't say much , but the
UQxt day he printed an editorial riddling
Jones , and your nice article was
emptied out of the waste basket into
the vaste paper bag.
Do you want to know yvhy 3'ou failed ?
Weil , if you yvou't mention it to a liv
ing soul , I'll tell 3ou. The editor kneyv
you. That was the reason.
Theii about a month ago you tried it
again. Let me see , what was your
name on that memorable occasion ?
Oh ! yes ; it was C. You might fool
other people who were not so well ac
quainted with you as I , but you couldn't
deceive me. I knew yon were the
same old X. the moment I saw you.
You met the editor at the club. One
night you gave him a light from your
cigar , and this led to a feyy .sapient ob
servations upon the prevailing weather.
From that moment 3011 knew the editor.
So you said to 3'onr friends , and of
course 3'ou yvotildn't prevaricate about
a matter of this sort
One day shortly after this a friend ot
yours got into some sort of financial
trouble and you asked "your friend , "
the editor , to publish his side of the
case , which he very kindly did. II 3011
ever had any inward doubts about your
acquaintance with the editor at first ,
this dispelled them forever. Not only
did 3'ou knoyv him , but in some sort of
n-ay you had become a chum of his.
Not that you ever associated with him
intimately , but he had done you a favor
once , and that gave you a claim on him
that no editor has been known to disre-
< rard. He couldn't if he yvanted to , you
reasoned ; it wouldn't be professional.
So yvhen your friend , the city official ,
asked you to see your friend , the edi
tor , and make him desist from the ex
posures of the frauds in that office you
gladly consented. You didn't care so
much to help him as to show your pow
er over the man you had obtained con
trol of. So you went on the errand
with a light hearfand a smirk of con
scious triumph. '
j I don't know what occurred In the
-editorial room during the interview ,
but this much I do know. At the club
that night 3'ou didn11 speak to the edi
tor and the attacks didn't cease. You
were no longer friends. Why ? Simply
this , friend C. X. , the editor knew you.
Dear me , how the instances pile up.
Once disguised as D. like the shrewd
old donkey under the lion's skin you
again boasted of 3'Otir acquaintance
witli the editor. Your wife knew his
wife , and you met him one evening at
a public reception. That is the wa3'
this introduction was ootaincd. You
had a bill you wanted to have passed
b3 * the legislature which would make
I
3'ou rich at the expense of the taxpay-
ers.
ers.So
So Mrs. D. gave a dinner and the ed
itor was a guest. AH ! there is where
3'ou had him. lie ate your dinner ,
drank 3'our wine , smoked 3'our cigars
and listened one whole dismal evening
to 3'our dreary babble about politics and
other public matters about which 3011
know nothing , but think 3-011 know all.
After this dinner \ - < > M knew 3011 had the
editor in the language of the philoso
pher "in a hole. " He had accepted
3'our hospitality and now 3'ou owned
him bod3r and soul. It is true , he didn't
give a deed for his paper the next dny ,
but this was not necessary. You own
ed it all the same.
You called on him one pleasant win
ter day and broached your scheme. I
wish there were words in the English
language to express your horror and
amazement at the result of your talk.
But I can't find them and I have looked
through two dictionaries and a set of
the encyclopaedia. The. vernacular ,
friend D. , is strangely deficient in some
particulars and some day we must pre
vail upon our friend , the editor , to
rcmed3' this defect.
He didn't help your scheme ? No ,
he didn't. It appears he knew you too.
There is one more instance and I am
done. This time you skipped half the
alphabet and chose Q. for your name ,
but I penetrated your disguise at a
glance. You knew the editor like a
brother , so you said. You had met him
at a banquet , and before the evening
was over 3ou were on tolerably social
terms. The next day you told every
one what -'devilish good fell" the
editor was. I didn't hear him make
ain ; remark about 3'ou , but that didn't
restrain your effusive affection from ex
pressing itself.
A few days later I happened to be in
the editor's room when 3-011 called. You
had told 3'our friends that 3-011 could get
anything you wanted from the.editor ,
and 3'ou started out to prove it by this
visit The editor was btiS3' when your
card came in.
. "Q ? " reflected the editor as he glanc
ed at the pasteboard , "what sort of a
looking man is he ? "
"Dark , tall , wears a beard and
squints in his left 03-0 , " replied the of
fice bo\\
"Oh ! yes , " answered the editor as he
threw the card into the waste basket ,
"Tell him I'm too btiS3 * to see visitors
to-da3' . Have him write what he wauls
and mail it to me and call again some
time next year. "
"Do you know him ? " I asked as the
boyleft the room.
' Know him ? I should say I did.
He is the inebriated idiot who sat
next to me at the banquet the other
nijrht. "
1 don't mention these instances to
hurt your feelings , friend X. , simply to
tell you that while you may know the
editor the acquaintance is of ten recipro
cal. You know him and he knows 3-011.
Subc ? Nciu York Graphic.
What He Caught.
A young fellow who aspired to ba a
book-agent complained to his father ,
who was in the same business , that ho
did not have an3T success.
"Pooh , pooh , " growled the father ,
"I've done veiy well at it , and 3-011 had
a better start than I had. "
"But , father , " the boy argued , "I
can't secure a man's attention. If I
could do that I'd be all right. How
can I do it ? "
"All you've got to do is to catch a
man's 03-0. Now go down to old
Colonel Bowen's with this "Life of :
Grant' and try him once. "
The boy left with the book and in :
half an hour came back.
"Well , " queried the father , "d5d3rou
catch his eye ? "
"Oh , yes , I caught his eye , and I
caught his foot , too. "You'll find what
is left of Mr. Grant's Life scattered in
front of old Bowen's ranch. Good-by ,
[ 'm going West to grow up with the
countrv. " Merchant Traveler.
A Strike Averted.
"Johnny , " said Mr. McSwilligen to
his youthful son and heir last night ,
"Iain sorry to hear from your mother
that you have been a very bad boy. "
Johnny hung his head and his father
3ontinued :
"You got into a fight with Jimmy .
Tones and he tore your coat and blacked
j-cur eye. "
c
"Well , I guess I nearly broke his .
nose. So he didn't have all the fun , "
protested Johnny.
"Imust punish you for such conduct , " ,
continued McSwilligen as he took a long . .
strap down from , the nail. . .
"But father " "be-
, , replied Johnny , -
fore you strike let's see if we can't ar
bitrate this difficulty. "
Johnny was let off that time. Pitts
burgh CIiromcle-2'elcgraph.
\
The Boycott.
Should England declaro war against
the United States she yyould attempt to
bo3rcott our commerce by blockading
our ports with poyverful men-of-war. In
revolutionary days our good great
grandmothers boycotted the tea mer
chants , yvhile our valiant grandfathers
threyv a lot of it into Boston harbor , to
sa3nothing of resistance to the Stanr
Act and the resolution to use no English
productions * .
Our irovcrnnicnt noyv boycotts foreign
goods by * a tariff to a large per cent , of
their value. The earnest temperance
yvomen try * to boy-cott liquor dealers.
Former - , anti-slavery men yvere thor-
oiighly boycotted at the South , and , in
deed , at the North , yvhile the subjects
of it as resolute ' boy-cotled anyth.ng
contaminated * slaye labor. DOJS
1)3 . a
politician or a partisan journal fall out
of the party ranks , llu-y are quickly
boycotted. Capital blacklists labor and
labor boycotts capital.
Bo3'cotting is but a noyv name for an
old and common practice. Aristidcs
yvas ostracised by the people because
tjieywere tired of hearing him called
"The Jiidt. " Christ and the early
Christians y * ere proscribed ami cruelly
persecuted. Even in modern times
non-conformists to the established
church have experienced a good degree
of bo3'cotting. Churches and social
circles continual * taboo those outside
their set. A poor , unfortunate yvoman
is mercilesslyostracised byher sisters.
The bo3cotting now in vogue yvith
labor organizations is proclaimed as
an attempt to offset the t3Tanny of
capital. Although disorganizing for the
lime , its process is educational , leading
as it does all classes to consider the
problem presented and try to solve it.
It is a form of civil warfare in yvhieli
moral forces are engaged. Violence
or injury to property" legitimately forms
no part of it , though often incidental.
Ireland after generations of malad
ministration commanded a hearing
through a cruel boy-eott. It is a crude
and barbarous yvay' of righting yvrongs ,
butitseemsal times inevitable. America
had to fight for independence. Tyranny
in France and slaveryhere yvere
scourged to death by blooity * yvaiv * .
Wrongs as yvell as rights retreat for
defense behind statute Lavs yyhich can
not regulate the complicated relations
of social life and industrial activities.
Liberty and property each proclaims
itself as sacred. Suppose their claims
are antagonistic on a point not covered
by an3 * statute huv , and neither yvill
yield , yvhat is the duty of the stat. ? ? 1st.
To keep the peace and prevent injury
to person and property * . 2nd. If the
subject be a matter of public interest ,
like a railroad franchise , let the State
inquire into the trouble and order a ,
public officer in the mean time to take
charge of the road and run it pro bono
publico until the companycan do PO.
Personal rights and considerations
should ahvays have precedence over
property rights , as persons arc superior
to propertyThey * establish the State
and not property the State ; they are
action , propertyis passion. Social sen
timent fashions society , and dynamite
will clear the yvay for its expression if
nocessaiy. Through its free action a
higher evolution is wrought.
By * the aggregation of capital and the
inception of great enterprises , small es
tablishments have been ruined , and able
men forced into the ranks of wage-earn-
3rs. They comprehend the situation ,
Linderstaud both sides ef the problem ,
ind can be trusted to counsel yviscly
ivith capitaiisis. Or if the present con
flicts should force them into general
profit sharing or integral corporation ,
md thus end the capitalistic yvage sy-s-
; em and restore them to manlyindus
trial freedom , the prize would be
cheaply v.on at almost any price.
Like the foremost statesman of the
igc , let us appreciate the situation ,
ionqucr our prejudices , and give a
jood degree of Home Rule to our I re
am ! of Labor , paraphrasing slightly his
anguage :
"We have come to the time for deci
sive action ; have come to the time for
hroyving aside not only private inter-
sts and partial affections , but private
leviccs and partial remedies ; have come
o the time for looking at the yvholc
ircadth of this subject and endeavoring
o compass it in our minds ; when we
nust ansyvcr this question whether yve
vill make one bold attempt in the
jrcat and neccssar3 * work of establish-
ng industrial harmony or whether we
vill continue to struggle on as we have
lone , living from hand to mouth , leav-
ag societ3 to a famine of useful im-
> rovemeuts and to a continuance of
ocial disorder , of a social disease that
ve kno\v not hoyv to deal yvith , an an-
iy discord which yvc make no attempt
c cure. " Texas Siflings.
Why She Knew.
"My dear , " said Mr. Shrinkem to
lis'bettcr half , "Mr. Skipper has ab-
eonded. Here's a full account of it in
he evening paper. "
"Ah ! I alwa3-s knew he would , " ex-
laimod his amiable spouse in a triumph-
.nt tone of voice.
"Why ? " demanded Mr. Shrinkem.
"Because he wore those odious striped
rousers , " replied Mrs. Shrinkem ; "and
lie only two men who ever stole any-
hing out of our safe were dressed in
inntaloons of that kind. It has made
ne suspicions ever since , Mr. Shrink-
m , and you see that ! am not wrong. "
-National Weekly.
GUlTEAU'S AWFUL CURSE.
*
ItIIns2ot Particularly AHcctcd tue
Men Wlio Tried Him.
It yv.is after dusk on the 25th day * of
January , 1882 , the weather cloudy * and
gloomy , that there filed into their box
iu the old criminal court-room of Wash
ington twelve jury-men who had listen
ed for months to the testimon3' and ar
guments in the ease of the tr'al of Gui-
teau for the murder of President Gar-
iicld , and announced their verdict ,
"Guilty , as indicted. " Without , a
drizzling rain and snoyv was falling ,
and the large , ding3' old court-room
wa.s lighted by sonic half dozen candles
placed on the judge's desk and on the
tables of counsel , giv ng but little light
and adding to the weird darkness of
the room. Judge Cox took his place
on the bench.
At one table sat Judge John K. Por
ter , Mr. Davidgc , and Dist. Atty. Cork-
hill representing the government. Mr.
Scoyille , the prisoner's btother-m-huv
and his leading counsel ; the prisoner's
brother , and his sister , Mrs. Scoville ,
and some personal friends of Gniteau ,
sat yvith him at an adjoining table. As
thu verdict yvas announced the prisoner
exclaimed in a loud and defiant tone :
"My blood be on the head of that
jurv. Don't you forget it. That is my *
And when afterwards on Feb. 4 , 1882 ,
the court asked him if he had anything
to sa3' yvi3' ! sentence should not be
parsed upon him , he replied :
"Everjofficer , judicial or otherwise ,
from the president doyvn , taking in
every man on that jury and every
member of this bench , yvill pay * for it. "
And yy-hcn the sentence yvas pro
nounced he repeated vehement - :
"God Almighty yvill curse even * man
who has had ain-thing to do with this
case. "
Various statements have from time
to time during the last four y-cars ap
peared in the press of the country' call
ing attention to the realization of
"Gniteau's curse" and the fulfillment
of his prophecy.
A correspondent called on Col. Cork-
hill , the United States district attorney
at the trial , for some of the facts con
nected yvith the history of those en
gaged in it , audyvhoiuGii lean had spe
cially anathematized. C'ol. Corkhill
yvas found at his layyofik. . > in this city ,
and he looked little if atuolder than
he did during the trial. When his at
tention was called by your correspond
ent to the subject he said :
"Yes , I have seen tln > ? e statements
often , and I frequently receive letters
asking me if there is anv truthin the
stories that are told. There seems to
be an axiety on the part of a large
number of people to seize upon ai - -
thlng that borders on th. superstitious ,
and it 01113needs the slightest coinci
dence of a prophecy' and a correspond
ing occurrence to enable them to dis
cover an inscrutable nr 's-teiy in connec
tion yvith it.
'As to the Guitcau trial all the yvit-
nesses for the government that were
called to prove the crime before the
grand jury , and yvhose names were
indorsed on the back of the indict
ment , and yvho yverc examined in
chief by the government are alive and
pursuing their ordinary business except
Surgeon Gen. Barnes , v. lio died some
time aso. I sayv the foreman of the
jury , John P. Hamli" , of this cit3 * , a
few days ago , and he informed me that
all the jury yvho tried and convicted
Guitcau are alive and engaged in the
business they yvere before the trial , ex
cept one , Michael Shecnan , yvho was 1
sick at the time and has since died. As
to the lawyers. Judge Porter was in
veiy bad health during the trial , and
the labor told upon him pl 'sicalry very
much. Mr. Davidge is looking as yvell
and working as hard r.s ever. Jtuljrc
Cox. yvho presided at i lie trial , is still
on the bench , vigorous and in good
health. The same is line of Chief Jus
tice Cartter , Justices Mac-Arthur ,
James , and Ilagner , yy liy decided the 1
case sustaining the ver-Hct of the jury-
on appeal. Justice W3 Me has retired
under the provisions of iltelayyon ac
count of age and lon < r service. Mr.
Justice Bradley , yvho den cd the yyrit of
habeas corpus , is still on ! he bench of
the supreme court of the United States ,
though old enough to be entitled to re-
lire yvhcn he doircs. Marshal Henry
is raising corn , potatoes , and wheat on
his farm in Ohio , yvith probably more
satisfaction and certainwith ! more
success than when his portty , farmer-
like form was seen shadowing the
L'oonis of the court-house and he yvas im
agining he was performing the duties
of United States marshal.
"Assistant Surgeon Lamb , who as
sisted at the autopsy , and who triumph
antly carried off his bones , which he
carefully polished and articulated at
government expense , is still caressing
Guiteau's grinning skeleton in the na
tional museum in this cit3" .
"The leading experts whom Gniteau
specially cursed Dr. John P. Gray of
LJtica , Dr. A. E. McDonald and Allen
McLane Hamilton of Neyy York , Dr. E.
A. Kempster of Winconsm , and numer-
3iis other phy-sicians in charge of the
carious insane asylums of the country ,
ivhose names 1 can not noyy recall are
ill alive and with one or tyvo excep
tions in charge of the same hospitals
: heyvere at the time of the trial. In
fact , 1 think it remarkable that among n
Lhe large number of active participants
n that faouieyvhat celebrated trial there
should be but tyvo or three deaths iu
over four 3ears. Scoville is in Chica
go tiying to raise the SJJO a month ali
mony for his wife , yvho is trying to have
him arrested because he has not suc
ceeded. Guiteau's brother John , who
yvas a spectator at the hanging , is
wrestling yvith the intricate and uncer
tain business of life insurance * , as of
old ; Hicks , Guiteau's ministerial ad
viser , has stopped preaching , and has
gone to Florida to raise oranges. It
ma3' be added that the hangm-m who
adjusted the noose around his npck is
anxiously waiting for the opportunity ,
which he yvill have in a few yvecks , of
performing the same service for tyvo
other convicted murderers in the jail
ayvaiting execution. " JYe0 York World.
Avon's Bard at School.
Though Shakspeare's parents yverc
illiterate , they knew the value of a good
education. The free grammar school
had been rofoundcd a feyy years before
1)3' Edyvard VI. And , although there
is no actual record of his school day's ,
yvo may take it as certain that little
Will Shakspearc was sent to the free
school yvhfii about 7 y-cars old , asve
know his brother Gilbert yvas , a little
later. The old grammar school still
stands , and boy's still learn their lessons
in the self-same room yvith the high
pitched roof and oaken beams , where
little Will Shakspeare studied his "A-
B-C-book , " and got his earliest notions
of Latin. But during part of Shak
speare's school da3s the school-room
yvas under repair , and the boys and
master Walter Eoche bname
migrated for ayvhile to the Guild chapel ,
next door. And this yvas surely- the
poet's mind when , in later 3ears , lie
talked of a "pedant yvho keeps school
in a church. "
All boy-s learned their Latin then from
lyvo yvcll-knoyyn books the "Acci
dence"1 and the. "Senlentiaj Pucrilcs. "
And that William yvas no exception to
the rule we maysee translations
from the latter in several of his plays ,
and by * in of his -
an account , one play-s ,
of Master Page's examination in the
"Accidence. " St. Nicholas ,
A Stuffed Jumbo.
The other da3 * Alice met the stuffed
Jumbo , her former mate. She yvalked
sloyy-l3" up to him , and then stood for a
feyy moments evidently * surveying bin
yy-ith wonder. Then she syvung her
trunk so as to reach Jumbo's mouth.
She also touched his trunk in a cautious
manner , and then turning her back up
on him gave vent to a groan that made
the roof of the garden tremble , Will
iam Neyvman , the elephant trainer ;
Frank Il3'att , the superintendent , and
"Tad3 * " Hamilton , talked to her in their
usual winning yvay. and she again faced
Jumbo. She fondled his trunk , looked
straight into his ey'es , and again turned
:
lier back upon him. Again she groaned ,
and then walked : uva3 * as though dis
gusted yvith the old partner of her joy's
md sorroyvs. She went back to her .
quarters and continued to mourn. Her .
keeper. Scott , yvas appealed to by the
spectators. He yvas asked yvhelhcr he
believed that she recognized Jumbo ,
md he replied in all seriousness. "Of .
jourse she did. She told me so. " At
mother time he said , "I can undeistand ,
ilcphaut talk , and Alice told me that
; he recognised Jumbo. " Scott seemed
rery much affected b3 * the meeting.
[ Ie yvas Jumbo's old keeper. Hartford
Post.
It Was the Stairs.
A boy yvas sitting on the steps of a .
ouse on Fort strce * . cal yesterdayhis ,
irm in a sling and several pieces of
jourt-plasler on his face , yvhen a man
jame along and observed : .
"Let's see. but didn't 3-011 have a toy
: annon out here the other day ? ' '
'Yes. '
' And didn't I tell 3011 it yvas a dan-
* erous plaything ? "
"Yes. "
"And yvarned - that
3-011 sooner or :
ater it would bust on 3-011 ? "
"Yes. "
u
"And 3-011 have noyv discovered that c
. ' yvas talking for your good. I hope
his yvill be a lesson to 3-011. "
"Say , mister , " replied the boy , as he
exhibited the cannon , "this is one of
he times yvhen 3-011 get left. Cannon
s all right , poyvder is all right , and
mckshot are all right. I got pulverized
y falling doyvn stairs yvhile tiying to
> e an angel to please ni3 mother. Go
n yvith your disinterested advice ! "
Detroit Free Press.
Should Examine Them Closer.
"Has 3'our sv.-eetheart got a mns-
achc ? " asked a K street girl of a Con-
Lecticmt avenue belle.
"Yes , indeed , he has , was the raptJ J 1 <
irons reply'and the dearest , pretti- '
st , softest one 3ou ever saw. "
"Pshayy , I don't like those pretty ,
oft mustaches. "
"Indeed ? Why not , pray ? " ' indig-
antly inquired the otlier.
"Oh , well , because , 3-011 can't tell
rhctber thc3 * aro plush or sealskin ,
nd if there is anything I do hate it is
ncertainty and sham. " Washington
Iritic.
A Darling Going to College. s'
First , small boy "Say , Johnnie , tl
here are you in Sunday school ? " I a
Second small bo3"Oh , we're in the O :
jiddle of orignal sin. "
S1
First smnll bo3' "That ain't much ; Ic
re're past redemption. " Harvard yy
\ampoon.
nsai
A Sad Story.
The other evening as one of our
peripatetic corn-doctors ? yvas vocifera
ting his vocation at an up-toyvn street-
corner there hove in sight an old lady
and her daughter yvhose persistent
munching of doughnuts and critical
contemplation of the shop-windows de
noted their transferry origin.
"Let me snatch off your corns , mumM
said the chiropodist , blandly * .
"Hain't none , " said the old lady bo-
tyvcen bites ; "but 1113 * darter Susan Jnhe
has a whole biliu of 'em. " /
"Won't charge her nothinV said
the f. d. Take 'em off slickcr'n I * , , ,
* '
grease.
"I hain't agohf to take off my my
things before all these folk , " objected
C" )
Susan .Jane.
"Tell you how yve'll fix it , " said the
expert. "You just got in that coupe
sfauclin' there. IV.t your feet out of the
yvindoyyand pull down tho blinds. Thcy
ean't see 30111blushes then , eh ? "
The modest sufferer from callous ex-
tremities did as suggested. The corn-
extractor propped one alabaster ankle
on his stand like the boom of a. schooner
and fell to yvork. There yverc nine corns
and four bunions on each foot and when
the last yvas removed amid the frantic
cheers of the by-slanders tyvo hours had
elap > ed.
"Yon see hoyv painless 1113 process
is , " yelled the operator , noticing that s I * /
the patient did not move. "The pa " ' <
tient is actuallyasleep. . All right ,
miss ; 3-011 can reef in 3'oiir feet. "
Still she did not stir. Her mother
anxiously * opened the door of the hack.
"Git up , Susan Jane ! "
But Susan Jane's pure spirit had
tied. The blood from those enormous ;
Oakland feet had run doyvn into her
head and produced apoplexy. And
yvith streaming eyes the poor parent
climbed on the box and finished her
doughnuts on the yvay to the Morgue.
And thus it is , gentle reader , yy-hile
frivolous society looks eagerly for the
romance of fiction in the novel or on
P
the stage , the real tragedies of life pass
unnoticed around us in this great
heartless citeveryday everyday !
Derrick Jodil. in San Francisco Wasp.
I ,
Cyclones and Trees.
The terrible story * of the cyclone dis
asters in Minnesota will probabl3arouse
a yyide pread discussion over tha phe
nomena byyyhich it and similar sail
events are brought about. The savants
who have studied the controlling phys
ical huvs yvlll general * agree that their
destructive force is enormously increas
ed by. if not mainly due to , the com
parative absence of timber within the
great area yvhere theyare most frc-
iliienthfound. . Coming from * both
oceans and the polar sea , the yvind cur
rents are broken into great eddies and ,
lrawn into pools and vortexes which AiS.
meet over the great plain regions just
is theydo in mid ocean. Their contact
makes the vast and terrific yvhirhvinds ,
mrricanes and tornadoes of which yvc
iave just had so terrible an example.
L'hc planting of trees on a great scale ,
md in accordance yvith some systeniat-
c plan , must have a very beneficial ef
fect , as the trees develop in size , in
Checking and perhaps almost entirely ifl
Breaking the force of these great aerial
: urrents.
Already the value of yvind-row tree
Wanting has been apprcciablj * felt in
he central prairie states Illinois ,
iastcrn loyva. Kansas and Nebraska.
L'he destruction so usually folloyving
he course of the yvind storms has been ,
u mainlocalities , greatly lessoned of
ate years ' 13the results of arboricnl-
ural t'fforLSuch tragedies as that of
st. Cloud and Sank Itapids emphasize
he necessityor stiutying the whole
iheno'iieua. and of - *
apply-ing a remedy ! - I
vhich in every yvayyvill prove of so
) cnclicial a character. Xew York Star.
Egyptian Antiquity Fields.
Egy-pt is not at a standstill at prea-
nt ; it is moving faster for bcttar or for
vorse than it ever did before. And
his is true of its antiquities as yvell as
f other things : the ancient cities are
Ksing in the present day dug ayvay and
heir earth spread on the ground as a
crtilizer , and this is going on at such
: rate that some have almost entirely
[ isappeared alreadyand fields of com
iave taken their place ; others are di- ( I
ninished to half the size they were a
eneration or tyvo back , and are still
limishing ever3 * day. And the time
Iocs not seem very * far distant yvhen
carcely a site of acity will be able to
ie identified.
Certainly * Egy-pt will have exhausted
Ls antiquity fields before England ex- \
ansts its coal fields. And up the Nile
ombs are opened every year , and fewer
3ft to be discovered. In one sense we
re onlyjust beginning to explore
'gypt , and the treasure seems to us in-
xhaustible , but that is only because of
he puny scale of our attack from the
eientific side ; in another and terribly
rue sense Egypt is exhausting itself ,
lie natives are ceaselessly digging , and
nless yve look to it prett3" quickly the
istory of the countrywill have perish-
il before our eyes by the destructive
ctrvity of its inhabitants. Never be-
jre has that land of monuments been
3 fierce - yvorked on : daily and hourly n
ic spoils of ages past are ransacked ,
nd if of marketable value are carried
ff : but whether preserved or not is a
mall matter compared with the entire
> ss of their connection and history
Inch always results in this way.
'nglish Illustrated Magazine.
. , / A
fv'yjSt& > * -i.iiis'i > jLj-3