[ HE HOME THAT IS HAPPIEST.
Our burdens are lightened
That many hands bear ,
And pleasure are brightened
That many hearts share ;
And the home that is happiest
Brightest and best ,
Is where they all labor ,
And where they all rest. .
"Where no careworn father
The brunt of work bears ,
'Where no gray-haired mothe. "
Is burdened with cares ;
"Where no tired elder slste
' Is helper alone ,
'But each one is busy
Till all work is done.
Then mother has leisure
To laugh with the girls ,
She shares all her secrets ,
They smooth her soft curls ;
And deck her with blossoms ,
And fondly declare
That never was mother
So winsome and fair.
And father is jolly ;
Uis stories and fun
Are the life of the household
He has not a son
"Who does not think father
Knofrs best and is best.
And would not work double
That he might take rest
80 helping each other
In labor or play ,
In happiness ever
The years pass away ;
For pleasures are brightest
That many hearts share ,
And burdens are lightest .
That many hands bear.
VOICES OF THE WATER.
BT CHARLES DICKENS.
Paul had never risen from his little
bed. He lay there.listening to the nois
es in the street , not tranquilly , not car-
- ing how the time went , but watching it
and watching everything about him with
observing eyes.
When the sunbeams struck into his
room through the rustling blinds , and
quivered on the opposite walk like gold
en water , he knew that evening was
coming on , and that the sky was red and
beautiful. Asthejreflection died away ,
and a gloom went creeping up the wall-
he watched it deepen , deepen , deepen in
to the night. Then ho thought how the
long streets were dotted with lamps , and
how the peaceful stars were shinning
overhead. His fancy had a strange
tendency to wander to the river , which
he knew was flowing through the city ;
and now he thought how black it was ,
and how deep it would look , reflecting
the hosts of stars and more than this ,
how steadily it rolled away to meet the
Eea.
Eea.As it grew later in the night , and
footsteps in the streets became so rare
that he could hear them coming , count
them as they paused , and loose them in
the hollow distance , he would lie and
watch the many colored ring about the
candle and wait patiently for day. His
only trouble was the swift and rapid
river. He felt forced , sometimes , to try
to stop it to stem it with liis childish
hands or choke its way with sand
andvhcn he saw it coming on , resist
less , he cried out ! But a word from
Florence , who was always at his side ,
restored him to himself ; and leaning his
poor head ' upon her breast , he told Floy
of his'dream , and smiled.
c
When the day began to dawn again ,
he watched for the sun , and when its
cheerful light began to sparkle in the
room , he pictured to himselfpictured !
he saw the high church towers rising
up into the morning sky , the town re
viving , waking , starting into life once tl
more , the river glistening as it rolled
( but rolling fast as ever ) , and the coun
try bright with dew. Familiar sounds tl
and cries , caine by degrees into the tlh
street below ; the servants into the house m
were roused and busy ; faces looked in fc
B. . at the door , and voices asked his atten fcw
dants softly how he was. Paul always
answered for himself , "I am better. I 1al
am a great deal better , thank you. Tell fc
pa so. " in
By little and little he got tired of the inai
bustle of the day , the noise of carriages aini
and carts , and people passing and re- ni
passing ; and would fall asleep or be niK
troubled with a restless and uneasv
sense again the child could hardly tell h
whether this were in his sleeping or hi
waking moments of that rushing river. hiP1
"Why , will it never stop , Floy ? " .he P1ol
would sometimes ask her. "It is bear olfr
ing me away , I think ! " * frhi
hias
But Floy could always soothe and re as
assure him ; and it was his daily delight asN
to make her lay her head down on his te
pillow and take some rest. teai
"You are always watching me , Floy. aiP
Let me watch you , now ? " They would P
proj ) him up with cushions in ajcorner D
of his bed , and there he would recline
the while she lay beside him ; beuding h.
forward oftentimes to kiss her , and h.hi
wliispering to those who were near that hi
she was tired , and how she had sat up S
so many nights beside him. tc
Thus the flush of the day , in its heat
and light , would gradually decline ; and sc
again the golden water would be danc tl
ing on the wall. si
He was visited by as many as three Indi
grave doctors they used to assemble dim
down stairs and come up together and m
the room was so quiet , and. Paul was so in
observant of them ( though he never in
asked of anybody what theysaid ) , that inn
he even knew the difference in the w
sound of their watches. But his inter whi
est centered in Sir Parker Peps , who al
ways took his seat on the side of the bed.
For Paul had heard them say long ago , "
that that gentleman had been with his
mamma when she clasped Florence in
her arms and died. And he could not
forget it now. He liked him for it. He
was not afraid. "
The people round him chatiged as un
accountably as on that first night at Dr.
Blimber's except Florence ; Flprence
never changed and what had been Sir
Parker Peps , was now his father" sitting
with his head upon his hand. OldTMrs.
Pipchin dozing in an easy chair , often
changed to Miss Tox , or his aunt ; and
Paul was quite content to shut his eyes
Again , and see what happed next with
out emotion. But this figure with its as
iead upon hand returned so often , and
remained so long , and sat so still and
solemn , never speaking , never being
spoken to , and rarely littingup its face ,
that Paul began fo wonder languidly if
it was real ; and in the night-tiine saw it
sitting there , with fear.
"Floy1 he said. "What Is that ? "
"Where , dearest ? "
"There , at the bottom of the bed. "
There's nothing there , exceptpapa. " its
figure lifted up its bead , and rose.
and coming to the utuside , saio , "M.j
own boy ! Don't you know me ? "
Paul lookedlt in'tKe face and thought ,
was this his father ? But the face so al
tered to his thinking , thrilled while he
gazed , as if it were in pain ; and before
he could reach out both his hands to
take it between them , and draw it to
wards him , the figure turned away
quickly from the little bed , and went
out at the door.
Paul looked at Florence with a flutter
ing heart , but he knew what she war
going to say , and stopped her with his
face against her lips. The next time he
observed the figure sitting at the bottom
of the bed he called to it.
"Don't be so sorry for me , dear papa.
Indeed I am quite happy , ' '
His father coming and bending down
to him1-which he did quickly and with
out first pausing by the bedside Paul
held him round the neck , and repeated
those words to him several times , and
very earnestly ; and Paul never saw him
in his room again at any time , whether
it were day or night , but he called out ,
"Don't be so sorry for me ! Indeed ]
am quite happy. " This was the begin
ning of his always saying in the morn
ing that he was a great deal better , and
that they were to tell his father so.
i How many times the golden water
danced upon the wall ; how many nights
the dark river rolled towards the sea in
spite of him ; Paul never counted , never
sought to know. If their kindness or
his sense of it , could have increased ,
they were more kind , and he more
grateful every day ; but whether they
were many days or few , appeared'
little moment now to the gentle boy.
One night he had been thinking of
his mother , and her picture in the draw
ing-room down stairs , and thought she
must have loved sweet Florence better
than his father did , to have held her in
her arms when she felt that she was
dying for even he , her brother , who
had such dear love for her , could have
no greater wish than that. The train
of thought suggested to him to inquire
if he had ever seen.his mother ; for he
could not remember whether they had
told him yes or no , the river running
very fast and confusing his mind.
"Floy , did I ever see mamma ? "
"No , darling , why ? "
"Did I ever see any kind face , like
mamma's , looking at me when I was a
baby , Floy ? "
He had asked , increduously , as if he
had some vision of a face before him.
"Oh , yes , dear ! "
"Whose , Floy ? '
"Your old nurse's. Often. "
"And where is my old nurse ? " said
Paul. "Is she dead , too ? Floy , are we
all dead , except you ? "
There was a hurry in the room for an
instant longer , perhaps ; but it seemed
no more tliqn all was still again ; and
Florence , with her face quite colorless ,
but smiling , held his head upon her arm.
Her arm trembled very much.
"Show me that old nurse , Floy , if you
please. " '
"She is not here , darling. She shall
come to-morrow. " '
"Thank . "
you , Floy.
Paul closed his eyes with these words ,
and fell asleep. 'When he awoke the
sun was high , and the broad day was
clear ] and warm. He lay a little'looking
at the windows , which were open , and
the curtains rustling in the air , and wav
ing to and fro ; then he said , "Floy is it' '
to-morrow ? Is she come ? "
tchi Some one seemed to go in quest of
her. Perhaps it wsis Susan. Paul
thought he heard her telling him when
hiw had closed his eyes again , that she
would soon bo back ; but he did not open
them to see. She kept her word per
haps : she had never been away but the
next thing that happened was a noise of
footsteps on the stairs , and then Paul
woke woke mind and body and sat
upright 1 in his bed. He saw them now
about him. Therewasnograymist.be-
fore them , as there had been sometimes
the night. He knew them every one ,
and called them by their names.
"And Avho is this ? Is this my old
nurse ? " said the child , regarding with a
radiant smile a figure coining in.
Yes , yes. No other stranger would
have : shed those tears at"sight of
him , and called him her dear boy , her
pretty boy , her own , blighted child. No
other woman would have stooped down
by his bed , and taken up his wasted
hand , and put it to her lips and breast ,
one who had some right to fondle it.
No other woman would have so forgot :
ten everybody there but him and Floy ,
and been so iull of tenderness and pity.
"Floy , this is a kind good face , " said
Paul. "I am so glad to see it again.
Don't go away , old nurse. Stay here. "
His senses were all quickened , and he
heard . a name he knew.
"Who was that who saidWaiter ? ' "
he asked , looking round. "Some one
said Walter. Is he here ? I should like
see him very much. "
Nobody replied directly ; but his father
soon said to Susan , "Call him back ,
then ; let him come up. " And after a
short pause of expectation , during which
he looked with smiling interest and won-
'o
der on his nurse , and saw that she had
not forgotten Floy , Walter was brought
into the room. His open face and man
hi'o eyes , had always
made : him "a favorite with Paul ; and
when Paul saw him , he stretched out his
hand and said , "Good-bye. "
"Good-bye , my child , " cried Mrs.
Pipchin , hurrying to his bed's head.
"Not good-bye ? "
For an instant Paul looked at her with
the wistful face with which he had so
often gazed upon her in his corner by '
the fire. "Ah , yes , " he said placidly ,
"good-bye ! Walter , dear , good-bye ! "
turning his head to where he stood , anfl
putting out his hand again. "Where is
papa ? '
Be felt his father's breath upon his
cheek , before the words had parted
from his lips.
' 'Remember Walter , dear papa , " he
whispered , looking in his face. "Re
member Walter. I was fond of Walter. " I
The feeble hand waved in the air ,
if it cried "good-bye" to Walter once to
again.
"Now , lay me down , " he said , "and a
Floy , come close to me and let me see
you. " tj
Sister and brother wound their arms
around each other , and the golden light
came streaming in , and fell upon them , of
locked together.
"How fast the river runs , between its
green banks and the rushes , Floy ! But
very near the sea. I hear the waves !
They always said so ! "
Presently he told her ti at the motion
of the boat upon the stream was lulling
him to rest How'green the-banks were
now , how bright the flowers growing on
thcim , and how tall the rushes ! Now the
boat was out at sea , but gliding smooth
ly on. And now there was a shore be
fore him. Who stood on the bank ?
He put his hands together , as he hat
been used to do at his prayers. He did
not remove his arms to do it ; but they
saw him fold them so , behind her neck.
'Mamma is like you , Floy. I know
her by the face ! But tell them that the
print upon the stairs at school is not di
vine enough. The light about the heac
is shining on me , as I go. "
The golden ripple on the wall came
back again , and nothing else stirred in
the room. The old , old fashion ! The
fashion that came in with our firsj
parents and will last unchanged untl
our race has run its course , and the wide
firmament is rolled up like a scroll. The
old , old fashion Death !
Oh , thank God , all who see it , for thai
older fashion yet , of immortality Anc
look upon us , angels of young children ,
with regards not quite estranged , when
the swilt river bears us to the ocean !
Bill Steptoe's Failing.
"Do you know this man ? "
"Well , yes , Judge , I ruther consider
that I do. Him and me's been a-fishin'
together more times than one. "
"Is he a man of good character ? "
"Him ? Why , olast your buttons ,
Judge , do you s'pose I'd mix with 2
man that wasnft white from the ground
up ? "
"You must answer the question. "
"Well , hain't I done it. Judge ? "
"You . "
must not equivocate.
"Judge , I never do , onless it's a case
of sickness or needcessity. I work as
stiddy as any man in this town whenev
er I have anything to do. Of course ,
when I'm out of a job I do stir round
some , for I never could bear to set in
the house with my fingers in my mouth ,
but so long as there's a lick of work to
be done , you'll '
"Will you stop that nonsense and an
swer the question ? "
Of course I will Judge ; why
/shouldn't I ? "
"Why don't you do it then ? "
"Do what ? "
"Answer the question. " *
"What question's "that , Judge ? "
"The one I asked you just now. "
"Which'ns that ? "
"Is he a man of good character ? "
"Who ? BUI Steptoe ? "
-Yes. "
"Judge , I reckon you didn't know old
Jim Brass , did you ? If you did , old Jim
could tell you "
"I don't care what he could tell me.
I want to know what you can tell me. "
"I could tell you things that would
open your eyes , Judge. For instance ,
one spring old Jim and me and Bill
'I want you to stop this wandering
around and answer the questions that
are put to you. What do you know
about Steptoe's character ? "
"Judge , he is one of the whitest men
that ever oncorked a jug. "
Is he honest ? "
Judge , I've heard old Jim Brass ask
that self-same question more'n a hund a
red times , I reckon , and "
"There you go again. Is he honest ? "
'Who ? OldJini ? "
"No Steptoe. "
'I ' reckon , Judge , you want the on-
varnished truth. "
"Of course. Out with it. Is he hon-
est ? " . p
'As a ginral thing , Judge , yes , but
"But what ? " T
, "If you're a playin' old sledge with :
him , Judge , keep an eye on him. That's
all I've got to say. Keep your eye on 1C
liim , and alwa's count him for game. I
don't believe Bill would tech a dollar a
ihat j he didn't aim by his own hard IVw
xnocks but in ' ' w
, playin' seven-up he's just
as sure to turn jack about four times out a
of five as he is to hokus you out of
game if you don't keep your eye peeled , bla
md for that reason , Judge , I've alwa's bla !
lad my suspicions , and to be on the safe
side I make it a pint to keep an ace or 1N ;
> wo up my sleeve whenever I set down- N
; o have a friendty game or so with him. ai
My bnbiased opinion is that you can aia
trust Bill with anything in the shape of up
waluables and not feel hard about it af-
erward , but in card-playin' I reckon st
ic'd skin his if "
own grandmother , he
got a middlin' good chance to do it. " Yn
Chicago Ledger. n
He Knew the Country Girls. oc
"I'll tell you what I like , " said a oi
drummer from Cincinnati ; "I like to be e\
out in the country and get an invitation eth ;
to a dance or party. The country dance th
or party is the place of all the world for thTi
fun , and don't you hesitate to recollect ii
it. The last time I was at a country di
party I fell in love with a. girl. She was dih
freckled a little under her ears and fore ca
head , but the rest of her face was peachy- cab
blossomy , yummy-yunimj' . And her vi
lips why , kisses seemed to dance on tr
them , and sit on "em , and dare you to trTi
comp and take. I dared , but you never Ti
saw a girl fight as she did. She scratched Tin
and clawed , tore off my cravat , busted n
my collar-button , bit my finger , lost the
ribbon out of her hair and
, got herself nc
into a perspiration. She was very an nca
gry. She sulked a longwhile aud.re- ir
lused to speak to me. Finally I found st
her out on the back porch. She was
alone. 17
" 'You hateful thing ! ' she exclaimed. m
; o
'I believe you have impudence enough sc
to kiss me again. If you do I'll choke scr :
your wind off. '
"And then ahe threw her arms about
my neck and gave me a terrific squeeze , : a
bv way of showing ine what she could in
do. "
oi
"And did you beg off and make your oio
escape ? "
: I
"Beg off ! Make my escape ! Say , do apt
look like a greeny ? I kissed her sev ni
enteen times without
straight stopping ot
take breath. I know these country ote
lasses , I do , and when one of 'em likes ?
kiss so well as to.give me a hugging
invitation to take another , I stand up to
the racket like a little man. That's the
land of a grocery salesman I am. " gas i
An impecunious young man , for the offense
asking for his breakfast at Fresno , Cal. , re (
ccntly , was shot at three times by the town on
the
marshal , and only surrendered on a threat ,
that the next shot would certainly hit him. of r
When taken before the justice he vas dis- ?
charged.
HERE AND THERE
The only Chinese paper published in
New York has suspended publication.
Dressed , raccoon meat is regularly
kept on sale at Cloverdale , Cal."butchers'
stalls.
A resident of San Diego , Cal. , bras
written a pamphlet to prove that the
earth is in imminent danger of a second
deluge in 1892.
The wharves which are built in
Charleston , S. C. , to replace those de
stroyed by last summer's cyclone rest
upon zinc-covered piles.
It is estimated that the farmers of
Tulare county , California , suffered a
loss of $50,000 during the past season
from the depredations of jack rabbits.
There are ten thousand workmen em
ployed on the Croton dam and aqueduct ,
New York. When completed the city
will receive per day 320,000,000 gallons
of water.
Thanksgiving , Alfred Taylor , of West-
pond , Conn. , celebrated the seventy-
fourth anniversary of his wedding kud
his 94th birthday. His wife is 92 years
of age , and he has a son of 71 and a
daughter of 60 years.
Martin B. Pope , of Fayette county ,
Pennsylvania , is a man thoroughly dis
gusted with himself. He was a candi
date for poor director at the last election ,
and was defeated by one vote , himself
casting the deciding ballot , out of court
esy , for his opponent.
Th editor of a newspaper of Ohio thus
appeals to his delinquent subscribers :
"To all those who are in arrears one
year or more who will come forward
and pay up arrearages , and for one year
in advance , we will give a first-rate obit
uary notice gratis in case it kills .them. "
While the soldiers were at Seattle , W.
T. , a number of them who were impe
cunious struck a brilliant plan for mak
ing a "raise. " They started out and
made a census of all the Chinese in the
town , charging each one a fee for taking
his name. The whole of Chinatown
was gone over , and $150 was re'alized.
A horse belonging to the Carlisle , Pa. ,
Indian school was sent up from the farm
to be shod. There were a number of
ready-made shoes on hand in the shop ,
and the job in the absence of the boss
was given to an apprentice. After an
interval the following note came to the
superintendent : "This horse don't fit
none of our shoes. "
The tramp law of Connecticut was de
nounced in his sermon at Stratford on
Sunday , by Eev. Mr. Hand , ( Methodist )
as the only one of the state laws .he could
not obey. He appealed for pity and
charity for the poor and the outcast
wherever found , and advised his people
to ignore the tramp law , and help the
needy under all circumstances.
The total cost of the liquor drunk is
$557,500,000 . per year , and the average
expense per head of our entire popula
tion would be $10. Last year $316,000-
000 , worth of beer was consumed , and
there was more jnoney sunk in spirits by
$346,000,000 than was paid for boots ,
shoes and cotton goods. The amount
expended on drink yearly would sustain
six million people.
Prof. Rice , of Wesleyan university , in
recent lecture , told of a freshet at one
time when the Connecticut river was fif
teen miles wide at Hartford and two
liundred feet deep at Middletown. The
mountains between the latter city and
Meriden were islands in the river that
ran to the sound in two channels , the
new , oue running over the Wallingford o
plains ] in New Haven.
David Potts , a coal-miner , has com
menced a suit against the owners of the
Tresckow : colliery , near Hazelton , Pa. ,
to compel them to recover the body of
oii
his father-in-law , who perished by an
accident in the mine. Although the
body was known to be at the bottom of
pool of water in the mine , no effort
was made to recover it , and the pool
was afterward filled up with debris from
new : breastwork.
The new England society may possi
bly be gratified to learn that a Boston
lawyer , newly arrived in New York , is
laboring to recruit its ranks. This gen
tleman < appears to have seciu-cd a list of
New England people living in the city ,
and is mailing them a sentimental circu
lar asking for law business. It winds
with what seems a somewhat effusive
proposition when coming from an entire
stranger : "I am a member , " he says
"of the New England society in Ne'w
York , and shall be glad to propose your
name if you have not already joined. "
From time immemorial pickled cab
bage has been denounced by doctors as
outrageously indigestible. Of late , how
ever , that dietetic preparation lias grown
be quite respectable. It has risen to
the dignity of an alkaloid producer. M.
Tuyapogu has isolated the substance ,
and finds that it suppresses the delirium
due to a prolonged use of alcohol. So
the whisky-seller , in placing pickled
cabbage upon the lunch-table , lias been
years unconsciously engaged in pro
viding his guests with proper scientific
treatment.
The Tuskegee normal school at
Tuskcgee , Ala. , which was organized
four years ago , has been from the first
under the control oi colored teachers.
During these four years five hundred
acres of land have been secured ; two
large buildings have been put up , besides
half a dozen smaller buildings. The in
stitution opened with one teacher and
thirty students. There are at present
teachers and 225 students in the nor "
mal school and 126 in the training-
school. The school is largely depend
on charity , there being an annual
expense of about $15,000.
Every few days the newspapers con
tain reports of persons found smothered
hotel bed-rooms because they "blew
out the gas. " If the smothered man
looks like a drummer , or other enlight
ened individual , the coroner's verdict is
to hint darkly at suicide. The mu
nicipal authorities of Atlanta take an
other view of the matter. They have ,
been "advised that one-half the deaths
from asphyxia are caused by hotel pro
prietors , and have made a law that "
economic landlords shall not turn off the
is
from the meter at night. A large his
number of travelers leave the gas burn- a
ng dimly when they retire ; then the did
ictel man cuts oft' the gas. He turns it ru
again for early rising travelers , and bo
ethers , if they sleep late , run a risk
death from suffocation. Travelers
he
should turn the gas completelj- be- He
oro goin to bed.
STRANGE FOOD.
A New Torfe Chef Tells How Dos-
Flesh. Tastes.
Travelers often come back and tell us
of having eaten and relished snakes and
other reptiles not appreciated when
placed on the home dinner table. _ Per
sons who have been confined within the
walls of-besieged cities tell us of horse
flesh and rats as eatables. Wondering
how some of those articles were prepared ,
a reporter dropped into the St. James
hotel recently , to talk with John Roth ,
the celebrated chef , and learn from him
some of these mysteries. He was found
in his kitchen , studying deeply the dishes
that were being prepared for that night's
dinner.
"Some people eat strange food , doa't ,
they ? " asked the scribe.
"Indeed they do , " said Roth , "and I
like to try any new edible myself , some
times. A little while ago I had a nice
young dog. Somehow or other the dog
broke its Teg , and so I killed it. It was
so nico and fat , I thought I would see
how it would taste cooked , so I prepared
the dog like any ona would prepare a
joint of pork , roasted it , and served it
with the same sort of dressing one would
put with pork , and to a stranger the
joint had all the appearance of pork , and
it tasted delicious. It was very sweet
and tender. "
"How do the regular dishes in this
o
country compare with the French
dishes ? "
"There are many more varieties in
this country than in France , and we can
make a more varied menu here. Green
turtle over there is a very expensive lux I
ury , and terrapin is very seldom heard
of. Many of the fish eaten over here
are never seen there , and then game is
more plentiful here. They have only
one kind of wild duck and have not the
canvas-back or mallard at all. Part
ridges and quail arc much smaller there
than here. "
'Did you ever cook'snails ? "
"Very often , and they are very nice
when cooked properly. The French
people are very fond of them. The
best way I know of to prepare them is
to let them soak in salt water for about
a couple of days , so that all the glue and
slime about them is removed ! Then
take them out of their shells and'clean
them and remove the head. You then
place them in a red wine , claret , or
Burgrundy , with some aromantic herbs
to flavor them , and boil the whole.
When they have become cold take some
shallots , garlic , shedwell , cloves and
red wine. Then place the small pack
in its shell and put a little butter in and
bake. After they are cooked serve up
with bread crumbs and melted butter.
They are very line. You know English
people are fond of salt-water snails ,
which they call perwinkles. They sim
ply boil these and eat with vinegar and
p'epper. "
"Did you ever eat any snakes ? "
"I never did , but I have met people
who have told me that some kind of
snakes are very good , and why should
they not be ? Eels are only snakes , you
know , and they are eaten in all sorts of
styles. "
Rats are spoken well of by some
people ; did you ever cook them ? "
"Eats are very nice when they are
young. During the French and German
war , while the German's were surround
ing Paris , they were eaten by the be
sieged in very large quantities. A good
way to prepare them is to skin them and
clean them , then cut them up and put
into wine with aromatic herbs and then
make a fricasee of them as you would
of a chicken. Horse-flesh is now very
popular in France , and there are regular a
horse-butchers in Paris. Horse-flesh is
a little coarse and strongly flavored. It
is cooked in the same way that a joint dia
of beef is. I believe there is a law here a
prohibiting the sale of horse-beef. Peo sr
ple used to be disgusted at the idea of srh
eating frogs , but now frogs' legs are ui
considered a great delicacy , and are in IB
great demand everywhere. " Neio York
p.Vrf * u v * iiitnv4. v v i. IIAIUJ. .4.1C.Uj. \jf nr T
Mail and Express. p
ec
Dismissing : a Bore. tn
tnd
Did you ever come to a dead standstill d
for want of something to say and then tli
while taxing the brain for some subject tliJ
of attack , would feel a wave of silence m
growing between you and your guest , er
like one of those widening circles caus in
ed by throwing a pebble into a stream ? inty
And then from fear of being in some ed
way submerged in the circle , jump at etw
the"first subject your eyes rest upon ? I w
have a young friend who is just begin
ning to have evening callers "all to w
herself. " A j'oung gentleman called bl
upon her last evening. Pi
Before she came down stairs the mo e <
ther came in and entertained him. to
While talking she was asked , "how Miss th
Lillie was enjoying her first winter in
out. " fn
She answered that she thought Lillie is
was doing very well , and that if she pro p.1
tected herself from bores through life as iw
well as she had succeeded in doing so fei
far , she thought there was no danger , inw
but that society would always be inter w
esting to the child. vii
"Why , how does she do it , " said ths thw
wonder-struck young man. w
"Oh , " said the proud mother , "she bo
has a story that she picked up somewhere , has
about a young man who lost the affec
tions of IMS lady love , by letting her see de
too much of him. The story , when she ot
tells it never fails to send lier compan nc
ion to other quarters. " to
The door opens ; in sails the radiant pa
Lillie. She talks to Mr. Noodle. She SCi
sings to him. She tells nim little anec SCiwi
dotes. She yawns a little behind her no
handkerchief. But in spite of herself , Pr
that awful silence obtrudes itself upon tei
them. It grows and grows until poor
Lillie slowly and solemnly says : "Mr. cai
Noodle , did you ever hear that story in1
about the young man that ' " o
"Ah , Miss Lillie , excuse me , I had no be
idea it was so late. Shall I see you at nc
Mrs. J.'s to-morrownight ? Ah ! so glad. re
Good night. " And the bore took his tn :
departure , while Lillie's story remained pi (
untold that night. Inglcside" bu
Ex-Gor Bishop , of Ohio , is 63 years old , but
still very active. Last summer he went to
son's home in Clifton , and , passingthrough pn
high gate , was attacked by a savage dog who coi
not recognize him. The governor took a
running jump and cleared the nigh gate at one ne ;
bound like an athlete. iter
. .
A man in Orland , Cal. , made a wager that
could smoke ninety cigars in two hours.
f ailed oa the ninetieth , which made him froi
sick. by
SCIENCE VS
A New Invention for Getting Md ot
Poets , Canvassers , and the EiKo , t
Every reader of the comic newspaper
must from time to time have had his
attention forcibly attracted to the witn- A
erinocontempt and fierce hatred , open
ly entertained by the comic editor
against the aspiring poet , whether of
the spring or love-lorn variety. 1 he
poet , in fact , would r. seem to hold tne
same relation to the comic editor as
does the red flag to the bull. Week
after week , in the comic editor's. "An
" ba read
swers to correspondents" may
such bitter replies as the folKNng :
"What ought we to give for your
poem ? Well , ten days , we should
think ; " or again , "You should take a
long course of Russian baths to get
that poetry out of your system ; if that T 5
doesn't succeed , try a watery grave.
Issue after issue of the comic newspa
per contains chuckling references on
the untimely fate which has overtaken
some poet visiting a comic1 newspaper
office' or teems with dark hints as to
trap-doors through which poets are
buried down into mysterious depths ,
bloodthirsty insinuations as to bull
dogs who keep watch over the ed
itorial sanctum , or portentous allusions
as to graves which may ere long stand
in need of being kept green. "Tho
poet's lovely widow , " suggestively re
marks one comic editor in this connec
tion , "strews flowers over his tomb ;
the wily editor still keeps that bull
dog in his room. "
Now , it is doubtless trying to be al-
most daily brought in contact with
haggard and lank young men for as
such is the poet always pictured by the
comic editorwho are addicted to such
habits as making "scarcely" rhyme
with "parsley ; " or who , with a monot-
ny that is undeniably ire-provoking" ,
rave year after year of "angel forms , '
"tender-daffodils , " and "the flowers
that bloom in the spring. " Still the
sanguinary methods confessedly adopt
ed by the comic editor can not but be
deprecated by all truly Christian and
peace-loving persons ; and it would
seem that some means by which he
might rid himself of his persecutors
could surely be devised without resort
being . had to mayhem , homicide , and
kindred crimes.
Such a means has been afforded by the
recent invention of Prof. Grimkopf , of
Boston. For a long time past , it appears ,
the professor has nad the 030 of science ,
so to speak , turned on the poet and oth
ers of his race , and to his enlightened
mind the bulldog and the trap door have
seemed but crude and brutal methods
unworthy of the civilization of the age.
One day he came across the story in a
local newspaper of a merchant who had
succeeded in ridding himself of the im
portunities of a swarm of female book
canvassers by a somewhat novel and in
genious method : Whenever the mer
chant in question heard a female voice
behind him exclaiming in dulcet strains :
"Won't you please look at this beautiful
illustrated work , in nine-nine parts , only
25 cents apart ? " he would surreptitious
ly let loose a number of mice deftly con
cealed in a cage beneath his desk. The
success of the scheme , it was recorded ,
even surpassed expectation. Linking
this idea with the scarecrow of the rural
districts , Professor Grimkopf arrived at
the deduction that if the unwelcome vis
itor could be disposed of by a moral in
stead of a physical shock a decided step
in advance would have been attained.
Following out this train of thought , he
was inspired to an invention which will
indubitably prove of the highest value.
This invention consists of an apparatus
capable of evolving an apparition some
what similar to that which might be pro
duced by means of a magic lantern and
canvas. Its workings are described
as : follows : A poet enters the editor's
sarictum. The latter , concealing his
hatred : in the consciousness of his tri
umph , softly , almost unctuously , re
marks : "Poet , sir ? Ah , pleased to see
you ! Married or single , sir ? " If the
poet , murmurs that he is single the comic
editor forthwith sets in motion an at
tachment on the right hand side of his
desk < , and immediately there appears on
"
the wall facing the "poet the life-size
figure J of Mr. John L. Sullivan , in alarm-
iugly pugilistic attitude , with the words
emblazoned above his head : "The fight
ing editor is in. " The terror inspTred
ty this apparition has been demonstrat
to be fully as effective in leading to a
poet's disappearance as if a trap-door
were actually opened beneath his feet.
The comic editor's end is thus attained
without : any approach to battery or
bloodshed. If. on the other hand , the
poet reply that lie is married , the comic
editor ] applies himself to an attachment
the left of his desk , and instantly
there is : m apparition of a. fierce mother-
in-law , with a wintry and sarcastic smile ,
from whose ghostly mouth are to be seen
issuing the words : "I have come to
pay a nice , long visit , dear. " This ap
parition is declared to be even more ef
fective than the preceding one. In one
instance in which the test was applied , it
was ; attended by striking results. Tho
victim casting one horrified glance at
apparition , rushed precipitately to
ward ; the stairs , and clearing them at a
bound , disappeared , and , strange to sav ,
never been heard of since.
Prof. Grimkopf s invention , it is un
derstood , is capable of being applied to
other branches of life besides thecomino-
newspaper offices. Apparitions suitable
protecting the head of a public de
partment against the pertinacious office-
seeker ancT the merchant against the
iviles of the book women can , it is an
nounced , be furnished on application.
Private residences even are to be pro"
tected , and the *
apparition of a tramp at
ivork is declared fo be specially cffi-
jacious against lusty mendicants. The
nvention can scarcelv fail to net its
jwner a large fortune , and it is now to
hoped that the reader of the comic
icwspaper will no longer be shocked bv
eading : of poets being hurled through.
rap-doors , or of their beinotorm
neccs by the cruel fangs qf the editorial
julldog. Brooklyn Eagle.
It lias Come to Stay.
All the evidences are that tbe im
provement in trade throughout the
tountry has come to stay. The busi-
lessof the banks an excellent barom-
for trade shows steady improv -
uent. Philadelphia North American. "
Twenty-Hvs thousand trout eggs , shipped
Michigan to Carson , Xev. , were spoiled
Deins kept too warm in the express-car.
