ANXIOUS FOR HIS SCALP.
33io Fcelinq of Indignation Against Land
Commissioner Sparles.
Rapid City ( Dak. ) dispatch : The feeling
of indignation caused by tho disastrous
rulings of Land Commissioner Sparks is
very strong in this part ol the country , and
prevails among the entire people. Politico
is entirely lost sight of , and democrats as
well as republicans denounce the course of
the commissioner in unmeasured terms ,
and unite iu the hope that he may not
long ptain a position in which ho has
eh JnVx himself so capable of working injury
and mischief to the frontier. His construc
tion of the law , debarring land claimants
from making , commutation proof upon
homesteads after having proved up on pre
emptions , has given rise to a great deal of
confusion , and loan , agents who have here
tofore been ready and willing to furnish
money for such proofs now absolutely re
fuse to do so. Some even refuse to loan
money on first claims on account of the
ruling lately promulgated that the security
given for such loans is notonly of no ac
count , but also that the claimant borrow
ing money upon land claimed forfeits his
right. Another very bad effectof theruling
is that eastern people coming here , who
have been able and willing to buy land ,
now hesitate to do so unless in cases where
patents have been issued. Heretofore the
receipt for the government price has been
considered sufficient evidence of ownership ,
and titles given by parties holding such re
ceipts have not been questioned. While
there have no doubt been frauds per
petrated in making final proofs i.i
some cases , there is neither truth
nor justice in tho assertion of tho
commissioner that a majority of tho proofs
made in the local land offices nre fraudu
lent. The suspension of the issue of pat
ents is also an injusticcsogross that it has
awakened general indignation. Should tho
commissioner be sustained in his rulings
great injury must result to this region.
While in Eastern Dakota the sentiment of
the people lias been expressed through peti
tions to the senate ; here there has been no
united effort of the kind. Many men of the
Black Hills have , however , written personal
letters to senators and their acquaintances
and to the secretary of the interior , calling
attention to the injurious workings of the
commissioner's rulings , and it is confident
ly hoped that such letters , in connection
jvith other modes , of expression "of senti
ment throughput the west , may have an
influence in bringing about decided relief.
Las Vegas ( N. M. ) dispatch : There is a
strong feelinginthis territory agaiusb Land
Commissioner Sparks and his manifestly
unjust rulings. The principal newspapers
of this section are fiercely attacking tho
commissioner and his methods. There is
no doubt but what the arbitrary actions of
Sparks will cause the loss of thousands o !
dollars to settlers and property-holders of
this territory , and are proving most disas
trous to immigrants and newcomers. Inabil
ity to procure p/itents and complete titles
to their lands workinggreat hardships to
poor settlers , as with little capital they are
unable to obtain temporary loans on their
real estate by reason of defective title.
XHE IMPERIAL PVRSE OPENED.
Hie Chinese Government Practically Re-
members Its Old friend , General Grant.
The following reply of Secretary Bayard
to the letter of the Chinese minister , enclos
ing a check for § 300 as a contribution to
the proposed monument in New York to
the memoey of Gen. Grant , has been made
public : *
DEPARTMENT OF STATE , WASHINGTONDec. .
22. Dear Mr. Minister : It gives me great
pleasure to acknowledge your excellency's
note of the 21st inst. , accompanied by a
check for § 300 in aid of the completion of a
monument proposed to be erected
in New York to the memory of
General and ex-President Grant. Let me
for myself and for all my country
men , and not in a merely formal way ,
but with much feeling , express my own and
their gratification in this evidence of the
wide-spread human sympathy for the
American people in aiding them to keep
perpetual the memory of one who was their
chieftain in military and civil governments.
I beg you to convey to the illustrious vice-
royal my high appreciation of this gift of
§ 300 and accept my equal thanks for your
own contribution of § 200. The total sum
shall be transmitted to the custodian of
the monument fund in New York with a
copy of your letter and with renewed ac
knowledgments of your proof of sympathy
and friendship to the people of the United
States and one of their most heroic repre
sentatives. I am , my dear Mr. Minister ,
very sincerely yours , T. F. BAYARD.
LAND GRANT RAILROADS.
What Commissioner Sparta Has to Say of
Them.
The case of W. .T. Hamilton vs. Northern
Pacific railroad company involves the
claim of settlers to a tract of land within
the limits of the grant which was resisted
by the company on technical grounds re
specting the original settlers' qualifications
as pre-emptors. Commissioner Sparks
holds that thesetllemeiit claim is proven by
occupation and improvement , although
not placed on record , except land from
withdrawjiland , that the railroad com
pany cannot be held to attack settlors'
qualifications or the compliance with the
law tinder the public land laws of the
United States. The principal of this de
cision is that the lands occupied by actuai
settlers as well as lands held under claims
of record , which are excepted from the rail
road grant and withdrawal except at the
proper time , would not pass to the rail
roads. Even if settlement claim should
afterwards prove to be in any manner de
fective as against the United States , Com
missioner Sparks further holds that the
question would then be between original or
subsequent settler , as the case might be ,
and the government , and can never be
made a question between the settler and
the railroad company. In other words ,
that a land-grant railroad cannot pursue a
settler and challenge the validity of his )
claims as against the United States. )
A Dramati ; Scene in Court. :
:
A peculiar aim dramatic scene was witnessed
in the Probate Court in Cleveland. Two years
ago Franz Paffinger started from Bavaria ?
to seek a fortune in America. He left behind
an affianced wife , Marie Epp , by whom he had
two children , promising to send for her as soon :
as he could provide a home. In New York >
Franz met Jennie Thoemohlen , whom he
married. The pair came to Ohio and lived in
Toledo. Two months ago , at his wife's solici
tation , Franz sent for Marie Epp and the two
children. The } " came on the first steamer.
rsVhen Marie reached Toledo and learned of :
the marriage , she almost went wild. Kranz
and his wife were equally agitated. To adjust
it
matters , Franz bought twenty acres of land
nca - Toledo , and the whole family attempted n
to dwell together in peace. They drifted to '
Cleveland , and asked all the city officials , high
and low , to help them out of their dilemma.
They were referred from one office to another
until they brought it up in the probate court
Franz offered the wronged woman the Toledo
>
farm , but she refused , saying marriage alone
coulii hoal the hurt I.atcr on she half agreed
to accept it and the trio went to Cleveland to
fix up their differences if they can. Both
women arc Quite intelligent and cood looking. '
WXOfX UP UT JUHTOJgK AND FLAME.
4. Four Story Hide , Tallow and Wool Ware
house Destroyed by Fire.
Chicago dispatch : Oberne , Hoosick &
Co.'s four story hide , tallow and wool
warehouse and stores , was burned out to
day with a loss of § 350,000. The fire
broke out on the first floor on tho La Snllo
street side and had a fatal hold on the
building before tho alarm was sounded.
Second and third alarms wcro turned in.
Fourteen engines and three chemicals , with
tho hook and ladder companies , wero on
the scene and the firo was attacked from
La Salle street , Michigan street and tho
alleys. The effective work of the depart
ment was greatly hindered by telegraph
wires , which had to be cut. and the flames
on the east side , in which from the nature
of its contents was known to bo doomed.
Large streams of water wero poured into
the building from the north Bide , and the
flames were gradually forced back. Infor
mation was had that hundreds of barrels
of tallow.wcro stored in the basement at
the east end of tho building , and to that
point tho efforts of tho firemen were
directed. They worked hard and were not
handicapped as at the fires two weeks ago
by excessive cold. Therefore , it was not
long before the tallow was out of danger.
Had the flumes reached this , there would
have been a conflagration there the like of
which has not been seen since the "bigfire. "
Tho fourth floor fell first and the heavy
beams crashed down to the second story ,
giving the flames for a time an apparent
advantage over the combatants. After the
full of the floors the east wall fell out , scat
tering bricks over the streets. Anumberof
firemen had narrow escapes from being
crushed by the falling ruins. Fortunately
no one was injured , warning having been
given that a crash was imminent. Tho
smoke from tho burning wool was of a
dense nature and drove the firemen from
points of vantage again and again.
The second floor 'encumbered as it was
with the debris that had , fallen from above
fell to the ground and after a few minutes
the fire was out , with a total loss and the
stock nearly so. Many of the green hides
in the basement are saved , as was the tal
low. Mr. Oberne says there will be 10 per
cent of the wool saved. There was a stock
of .tallow , wool , sheep , goat and deer skins
in the place to the amount of § 350,000.
Total insurance on stock and machinery
§ 257,000. Insurance on the building § 25-
000.
A LETTER FROM XHE VA2ICAN.
Hie Pope AppnivfS the Establishment of Vol
untary Schools in America.
A copy of a letter sent by the pope to the
Roman Catholic hierarchy of England has
just been received in Baltimore by Arch
bishop Gibbons , the primate of the church
in America , and which will be published in
full. It says : In these days , and in the
present condition of the world , when the
age of childhood is tempted on every side
with various dangers , hardly anything can
be imagined more fitting than the union
with literary instruction of sound teaching
in faith and morals. For this reason e
have more than once said we strongly ap
proved of the voluntary schools , which by
the work and liberality of private indi
viduals hove been established in America
and elsewhere. We desire their number in
creased as much as possible. We ourselves ,
seeing the condition of things in this city ,
continue with the greatest effort and at
great cost to provide an abundance ol
such schools for the children of Rome ; for
it is by these schools that the Catholic
faith our greatest and best inheritance is
preserved whole and entire. In these
schools the liberty of parents is respected ,
and what is most needed , especially in the
prevailing license of opinion and of action.
It is by these schools that good citizens are
brought tip for the state , for there is no
better citizen than the man who has be
lieved and practiced the Christian faith in
his childhood. The future condition of the
state depends upon the early training ol
the children. The wisdom of our fore
fathers and the very foundations of the
state are ruined by the destructive error ol
those would have children brought up with
out religious education. You see , there
fore , venerable brethren , with whatearnest
forethought parents must beware of trust
ing their children to schools in which they
cannot receive religious teaching.
Resolve to Advance Prices.
Tho Northwestern Plow & Cultivator as
sociation , comprising all the manufacturers
west of the Allegheneys , held a special ses
sion in Chicago and adopted the following :
In view of the recent advance in the pric.e
of raw material , and the prospect offurther ,
advances in the near future ;
Resolved , First That no furher conces
sions bo made in prices other than those
already made ;
Second Thatshould therbe further ad
vances in raw material it will be necessary
to follow the same by an immediate meet
ing and an advance in the price of plows
and cultivators to correspond.
Third That we limit the amount of
goods to be made for tho spring trade of
18SG to actual orders.
A Forecast of Congresi.
Washington dispatch : Since the present
session of congress began 728 bills and joint
resolutions have been introduced in the
senate , and seven , one of which originated
in the house , have been passed by that
body. One thousand two hundred and
forty-seven executive messages , containing
about 1,500 nominations , have been sent
by the president to the senate , and have
been referred to the proper committees ,
but no nominations have been confirmed.
Two treaties , one relating to the boundary
line between this country and Mexico , and
the other providing for settlement of the
claims of certain American citizens against
Venezuela , have been sent to the senate for
ratification.
-Monterey , Mexico , advices note the libera
tion from prison of acting Governor Sepulveda
md the acquittal of the officer who gave the
rder to fire on the federal troops. About 120
f Sepulveda's privates who fired on the feder-
ils and wounded or killed 16 , have been sen-
enced to 10 years enlistment in the Fifth ba-
allion of cavalry , stationed at Monterey.
3ov. Garcia was tendered a grand reception at
altillo , on his return from the city of Mexico ;
sepulveda and many of his friends greeted him
md escorted him to his old home at Villa Gari-
ia. He was enthusiastically received in spite
his downfall. A general disbandment of
he revolutionary forces has taken place.
Some of their leaders have been given govern-
nental sinecures.
They have a daisy of a police force In VIu- t ;
cnnes , Indiana. A few nights ago , Mayor
tVilhehn and a committee of the Council raid-
id the police. One of the officers was found
home in bed , another dead drunk , the third
a house of prostitution , and the fourth
isleep in a saloon. This comprises the entire
'orce of the ? city. An investigation will follow
md will probably result in a revolution in the
jolice.
A dispatch from the Creek Indian nation
lays that the four delegates recently ap-
ointed to represent that nation in Wash-
ngton this winter and who started for the
apital last week , are under unofficial in-
itructions to urge the adoption by con-
iress of a territorial government for Indian
arritory.
i
S 'IBEAT.
BY JOSEPHINE JIOBBINS. .
We bad been married just fifteen years
come Tuesday.
My wife had spent a life of toil and
privation "for my sake , " so she never
failed to tell me "about a dozen times a
week , and it wasn't always in the most
tender tone that Mary Ann held up my
faulta and * deformities to my reluctant
gaze.
On Mondays , especially , we were made
to feel our utter heartlessness , and one
and all of us from mj-self down to the
cat , or as I used to feel on those days ,
from the cat down to myself were forced
to think that we were created for the
sole purpose of making trouble and work
for Mary Ann.
There were very few things which
had happened during our wedded life ,
which she forgot to mention on those
days. I mean , of course , the things
which did. not exactly reflect credit on
myself.
She never went anywhere , never had
anything , never did anything like
other women did , and all because
she had married a brute instead of a man.
Another man more unchristian than
myself would have hurled the unjust ac
cusations into Mary Ann's teeth , or I
might say gums , but I bore it all meekly ,
and with a patient forbearance. I meant
some day to heap coals of fire on her
head , and force her to wish she had
never uttered those cruel words. I
meant to astonish my wife with my
generosity. I should give Mary Anna
treat on the fifteenth anniversary of our
wedding day. No one knew of my in
tention , I had never breathed it to mor
tal ears , but I would do it I would take
Mary Ann to the Union Square Theatre
to see "Miss Multon , " and for one even
ing she should riot in fun and fashion to
her hearts content.
Yes she should go to the play and
then where would she get fuel for her
wrath , on the next wash day. She must
needs find something besides my selfish
ness to belabor me with.
I would with one fell swoop destroy
this most deadly weapon of my abused
wife , and forever more bask in the smiles
of a pampered child of luxury.
I thought it best to break the news to
Mary Ann two days before the event , as
she would need to make some prepara
tions for so monentous an occassion.
three dollars/Anu .t . uu this , our nf
teenth anniversary.
The esplmse was settled , but the
trouble which wo must next think of , was
the * disposal of our eight children. It
would never do to leave them alone till
midnight ; my wife said some onp might
run away with them , or they might set
themselves on fire ; tho latter danger was
far the most imminent , I thought , but
concluded it was safer for me not to say
so atxthat time. At last , when I had al
most determined to try and dispose of
my tickets , for a little off , and give the
whole thing up , our neighbor across the
hall offered to sit up .with the children ,
provided we gave her some beer to keep
her eyes open. We agreed to this , and
our greatest trouble was over at least ,
we thought so at the time but looking
back upon that night , I think it was mere
nothing to what followed.
Mary Ann commenced to get ready
early in the day , and when I got home
from work , I found I must forego my
usual warm meal , as my wife "didn't
propose to get her face into a blaze for
the whole night" over that cook stove ,
so I made my supper on cold beans and
bread.
Already I began to regret my rashness ,
and began to see what misery these men.
of fashion must endure in their own
homes. Here was my wife , only just
making her debut into fashionable life ,
and I must lunch on cold beans and
bread , while she was beautifying herself
before our mirror seven by nine
inches
All at once my reverie was broken in
upon by my wife , who rushed into the
room , flourishing the pair of gloves
which I had so carefully selected , at such
inconvenience to myself. She flung them
at my head , and called me a miser
think of that !
"Why , Mary Ann , " cried I , "what is
the matter ? "
"You old fool , they arc both for the
same hand , " and sure enough they were ,
that accounted for the low price which I
had been so happy over. I vowed to be
avenged on the dishonest shopkeeper the
next day , but what was my wife to do
with her bare hands for to-night ? For
some time I thought I should surely
have to run out and try to sell my tickets ,
but our friend across the hall , who had
warmed up on the first glass of beer ,
came to the rescue and oifered to lend
Mary Ann her muff and tippet
i FORTHWITH PEODUC
I chose Monday for the time , as I
ivould then have full occasion for the
'coals which I meant to heap , " and so
svhen she had worked herself up to the
point where she never had anything , and
never went anywhere , I stopped her
svith my thunderbolt.
"Hold , Mary Ann , hold , " I cried.
"You shall never taunt me with that
last remark of yours again. You are
; oing somewhere. I have bought tickets
ibr the Theatre. Two tickets for the
iress circle , think of that , the dress cir-
jle , and you are going to the play. "
"Por fifteen years you havebeen a
lard-working wife to me , and now your
eward is at hand. " It was well that
Mary Ann was propped up on the
strength of her fancied wrongs , or this
Diece of news would have floored her ; as
t was , a smile , composed of a mixture
) f doubt and contempt , overspread
ler countenance , as she told me she
should believe she was going , when she
bund herself there , and not before.
I had my proof of my honest intentions ,
md forthwith produced the two tickets ,
vhich at last convinced her that she was
eally going to a play. What a change
same over her the clouds broke away
rom our connubial sky , and the rest of
he washing was whisked out of the way
n half the usual time , amid snatches of
ongs which I had not heard in many a
lay , and never on this day of the week -
Ireadful Monday !
I must say that when I first conceived
he idea of giving Mary Ann a treat , I
ailed to measure just the exact amount
if trouble it would cost me to carry it
nto effect
The expense of the thing , as I had
igured it , would not be much two dol-
ars for tickets , and , as we were to be
eated with fashionable people , of course
ay wife must have a pair of gloves. I
ook good care that they should not cost
no much , for I traveled about five miles
a search of some within my means , and
ucceeded in getting a pair so cheap as
o fill me with satisfaction. Then Mary
am must have a stew after the play , for
riien I do a thing , I do it up brown. All
old I reckoned on .disbursing at least
hands in the
right ; but , for mercy sakcs , don't lose it ,
for it cost twenty dollars , and was given
to me by my dead man. "
At last we were off , and wero sailing
along triumphantly when Mary Ann
caught sight of the butcher's window ,
and exclaimed "Well , there , wejhavcn't
a mouthful to eat in the house. I guess
we better get a little meat now , for the
shop won't be open when we come
back. "
The idea of taking steak to the theatre
did not strike me as being just exactly
stylish , but the memory of the cold baans
for supper and the prospect of more for
breakfast , decided me , and into the shop
we went. My wife took charge of the
meat , and really it did look like a roll of
music , so neatly did she manage it.
Again we took up the line of march ,
and after skating over the slippery side i
walk , which was like glass , for half an (
hour , we finally arrived at the theatre.
I felt in my pocket for my tickets ,
when , merciful Heaven , I found that I
had left them in my other vest. My
rage was awful , and thoroughly cursing
my rashness in ever making this attempt
at sight-seeing , and of having two vests
which made such an accident possible , 1
I had nothing to do but leave Mary Ann 1s
standing in the Iobb3' while I slid back
home , and got the tickets. s
I found my wife almost in tears on
my return , for she said a big fellow in
regimentals told her to move on , and
when she said she was "waiting for a
man , " he said it "wouldn't wash. " I a
was boiling with anger , but the man
was gone , and we had nothing to do but
go in. The curtain was up and the play
well started by then. I told my wife to
forget all our past troubles , ana prepare
herself for an evening of fun and amuse
ment. "For Mary Ann , " said I , "anni „
versaries do not come every da3r , and
you must make the most of this , " and I !
mentally continued , "this is ihojirst
and is very liable to be the last of such
extravagance. " i
I found out from a man next me that
all the fun was in the first act , and we I 7
had lost that so the distress of the pieca
began to work upon us at once. I am
not a very tenderhearted man , as you
may have discovered , and many a time
I have heard Mary Ann say that I
"wouldn't shed a tear if she dropped
dead at my feet , " but somehow in tho
course of that play , I began to feel a
lump growing steadily larger and larger
in my throat , and when Miss Multon's
heart is nearly broken to find there
wasn't a spark of love left for her in her
lost husband's heart , I found that I
couldn't see things just clearly before
me , and my hand unconscious - sought
the inside pocket of my best coat ; then
finding nothing there , .it traveled from
pocket to pocket , gaining montentum as
I felt the need of hurry and by the time
I found I had left my handkerchief in
my other coat , some briny drops fell
down on my best shirt front.
I held out my hand to Mary Ann with
out turning my head , for fear she would
see the tears I wanted to hide , and
whispered to her to lend me her hand
kerchief. She whispered back , "I for
got to brincr one. " In my horror I dart
ed a wicked glance at her , when. Heav
ens ! what a siglit met my eyes. There
sat Mary Ann with her face besmeared ,
as if she had been up a chimney. Great
streaks of wet printer's ink ran the
whole length of her face , from her fore
head to her chin. She had used her pro
gramme in lieu of handkerchief , and
this was the consequence.
I was mortified to death , but as there
was ho help for it I could only pray that
the interest of the play would keep the
people from seeing the plight she was in ;
but I turned my back towards Mary Ann
and tried to look as if she did not belong
to me.
The terrible play went on , and I was
just wiping my eyes with the back of my
hand , when I heard a lady ask her hus
band if the theatre was over a restaurant ,
and I detected a smell of cooking meat
m3'self.
At first it-was very faint , but at last
grew so strong as to attract the attention
of several people near us , who , I
notice.d , kept looking at my wife. Sud
denly an awful idea struck me , and I
turned towards Mary Ann. Then I got
a full blast of frying moat , and looking
on the other side of her , I discovered
the heating apparatus upon the top of
which Mary Ann had laid her steak.
I could stand it no longer ; and hastily
clutching my wife by tha arm , and
snatching up the bundle of half-cooked
meat , I hurried her out of that theatre ,
where we had done nothing but snivel
over the distress of that poor Miss Mul-
ton from the time we took our seats.
Down stairs we went , and rushed out
upon the sidewalk , and as my feet struck
the glaring ice , my heels began to dance
a double clog , and after vainly kicking
like mad to save myself , down I came
upon the broad of my back , and in my
descent kicking Mary Ann's feet * from
under her , she came down upon me with
a crash which so benumbed me , that she
thought I was dead , and begged a police
man to put me into a cab , which he did ,
and we were driven home. '
As Mary Ann was helping me out of
the cab , she suddenly let me drop , and
Screamed out :
"Mercy on me ! I have lost the tippet !
Oh , my ! oh , my ! "
I felt in the cab and found much that
I did not need nor want , but no tippet.
So , nothing to do , but I must ride as fast
as the cabman could take me back to the
theatre. I was rushing through the
gate when I was jerked back toy the col
lar and told to hand out iifty cents. I
struggled , but it was no use so I handed
out the money.
When I arrived at our seats I found
that the couple who sat next to us had
gone , and with them of course the tip
pet. 1 found my back so lame that I
was obliged to hire the cab-man to take
me back home , and there I stood out on
the sidewalk for an hour quarreling till
I had all the neighbors in the street up
listening yes , and swearing , too , at
being disturbed at that hour of the :
night.
Do 3-011 know that cab fellow wantec
to charge me five dollars for making
those three trips ! I worried him dowi
a half dollar , and then I crawled up
stairs to 1113wretched wife , a sadder bu
a wiser man. ,
We found our friend asleep over her
beer , and I wished that word had a dif
ferent meaning so we need never break
the terrible news to her of the loss oJ
her tippet. But I mustered up courage
to tell her , and as she was pretty quar-
Telsome from the effects of her debauch ,
( she had drunk a whole quart of beer )
I was forced to pay her fifteen dollars
for her loss to keep the police from com
ing into the house and "taking us ali
in. " As for myself I felt that I had
been taken "in enough" for one night.
As I counted over 1113- month's wages
found that half of it had been spent for
i
that one night's struggle after pleasure.
Two dollars for tickets ; four fifty for
cab ; fifteen dollars for tippet. Never
mind what I paid for those gloves. Do
you think it paid ?
N. B. I don't count the two weeks
work I have | | ost with this broken back
of mine.
Baby Talk.
A kiss goes further-than a spank.
The rock of a cradle is the rock on
which a man splits.
A mother is the noblest work of
God.
God.One
One case of colic makes the whole \
family kin.
Crying babies should 'be seen , not
A baby is no respecter of person. h
The baby's squall doth murder sleep. !
The crow of a babv is * written in the
language of the angels. n
A mother and her baby is a sweeter
sermon than ever preacher preached.-
Babies are great developers of the
human heart Merchant Traveler.
Domestic Intelligence. ;
A New York gentleman advertised for
servant , and among those who applied
for the position was a humpback.
"Your recommendations and refer ieli
ences are all right , but I can not take liPi
j-ou. " PiB
.What is the " B
reason you object to me ?
asked the applicant. be
"I don't care to hurt your feelings. "
"You object to me because I've got a
mmp on my back , I suppose ? " '
"That's it"
"Well , will you be kind enough to tell u
me how many humps a man must have t
sn his back before he can find favoin Ji
four sightTexas Sif tings. Jih
LAPAGAN'S LOGIC.
MARRIAGE
IB the offspring of Heaven.
If you marry for love and make a hit ,
keep cool ; don't blow about it.
Some marry for the fun of the thing
and never see where it comes in. This
is discouraging.
Some many for the sake of a good
companion and never discover their mis
take. This is lucky.
Jt is better to have a comely help
meet" of some use than a brilliant ono
simply of "some pumpkins. "
Man is a fickle "critter. " Even
Adam , who had his wife made to order ,
found more or less fault with her.
Don't marry a man for his reputation.
It is liable to be only a second-hand af
fair , borrowed from his ancestors.
Many women have married men for
their fine exterior. But that's all there
is to an ancient egg worth mentioning.
Many marry to spite someone elso
onlv to learn that they got tho butt-end
of the transaction , and its worst end at
that.
Marriage is a lottery full of chances.
That's what gives it flavor. All like to
chance it , because everybody thinks to
win a prize.
Wedlock , in its original state , was as
pure as sweet milk fresh from the cow ,
but man couldn't rest until he stripped
it of much of its rich cream.
I sa3' when 3011 arc ready to got mar
ried , get married. However it isn't so
much trouble to get married as to know
when you want to get married.
The hot-headed youth marries in a
hurry because he fears marriageable fe
males will be scarce next year , and lives
to wonder how the supply holds out.
Marriage resulting from love at first
sight is not generally wedded bliss on a
par with sour milk. One or tho other
gets swindled , and often both.
The single-bedstead plan is not to the
credit of either man or woman. It
"
looks lonesome and selfish. Single-
blessedness is suspicious and in turn
suspected.
Many a man has married for beauty ,
only to learn that he paid ten dollars
for what can be purchased for twenty-
live cents at the druggists. Tliis is
hard.
The most affectionate people before
marriage seldom hold out in the same
proportion after the knot is tied. It is
better philosoply to commence only as
3'ou would live afterward.
From the matrimonial market the
saints of both sexes were culled out long
ago. Don't expect to marr3' one. You
must guess at some things and take
chances for the future on this basis.
Woman is sometimes the real cause
of imhappiness in the married relations
of life , but in the majority of instances
the boot is on the other foot and she is
the 01113true comfort there is in it.
Don't marry a woman for her taper
fingers and lily hands alone , for mar-
'ried life and its rugged experiences call
for a wife that knows how to make the
pot boil and can spank babies systemati
cally. *
But few people marry for pure love ,
and they in after 3'ears suspicion that
what was at the time supposed prompt
ings of the tender passions were , in all
probability , but the first symptoms of
cholera morbus.
Th'e man who marries a woman sim
ply because she is a handy arrangement
to have about the house , does so from a
purely business standpoint , and in the
end , if not compelled to support him ,
she has done better than maii3r women
I know of.
Many a man who has married for
money has never realized a dividend
upon the investment ; and many women
who have done the same thing have left
word for their posterity that , although
a fair transaction upon the face of it ,
yet it is just as liable to be a put up job.
Chicago Ledger.
Couldn't Stand the Test !
"Who is this 3'oting fellow who has
been sparking 3-011 for the last six
months ? " suddenly inquired the old
man Foraker the other evening as he
looked up at his daughter.
"Willie Blank , " she demurely an
swered.
"Worth anything ? ' '
"
"Not much" , but he has prospects. "
"Humph ! I don't like his looks. He
has a bad temper. "
"Winpapa , he's an angel ! Nothing
on earth can make him angry. "
"Docs he wear a plug hat ? "
"Oh , 3"es. He's just bought a new
one a regular daisy. " '
"I never sa\v it in the hall. "
"But he takes it in the parlor with
him. "
"E see , 3-011 ma3 run along now. "
That evening , after Mary and her
beau had got comfortably seated , the
old man went coughing into the parlor.
The lover's plug hat sat on a chair. For
aker walked over to that chair and sat
down with all his might , smashin the
hat flat as a ten-cent piece , and ob
served : ;
"Fine evening , sir ? What do the
papers to-night have to say about the
Servian-Bulgarian troubles ? "
The 3oung man grew red and then
white. He attempted to speak , but the
\vords would not come. lie finally got
up , cast one annihilating look on the old
man , ignored the girl entirely , and
walked straight out of the room and the
house. As he descended the steps the
jirl ran to the door and called :
"Willah ! Willah ! Won't * voti speak to
lie ? " {
The old man followed her and called :
' Boy ! 3-011' ! ! catch cold in vour head
vithoutalmt ! "
But the 3"oung man never halted nor
urned his head , and when his hoof-beats
ionic ! no longer be heard on the walk
he father turned to the girl and said :
"I was right , Manin regard to his
emper. A young man who won't let
lis intended father-in-law smash his
iltig hat is no man for 3-011 to marrv.
Jeware of him as you would the deadly
oaconstrictor ! " 'Detroit Free Press.
Some person mutilated an enrolled bill
mendingthe liquor law which had been
issedat the late session of the Oregon legisla-
ire by drawing a pen through the words "bo
enacted. " But Gov. Moody decided that
mutilation was not material , and sijmed
bill.