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About The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 15, 1885)
GOTHAMS LOVELY LASSIES , Why fifty Thousand Bachelors are Afraid to Tackle Them. fisions of Loveliness Returning : from the Seaside and the Mountains- ) nce More Bowilderinjr the Broadway Dudes aud Smilm ? Sweetly on tho Boys , ffho Say they are "Eleeant to Call Upon , Tip- Top to KO the Theatre With , " ? - ' fFlrst-Class to Spend Money On , But f How Can We Harry Them and Still Live ? i Special Correspondence. NEW YORK , Sept , 25,18S5. "Hello , Cholly , how are you ? See you got Jack from the beauties of Saratoga , Catskill , rtc.rlgbt B de up with care. " "Yes , Spirto , got back. Hang Saratoga and She balance. I'm t.red of it all. It's an in- Jernal bore , all the whole business , and I'm ill broke up. " "Lost your heart , evidently , this season. Who's the fair one ? Might as well confess. " 'Yes , lost ifragain. and this time for keeps , ind my head and peace of mind as well. " "What's the row ? Can't you get the lady's leart in return ? " "I've got It , and there's where the trouble mea in. If I hadn't got it , and knew T fouldn't get consent , it wouldn't be so bad. /ou see 1 can't possibly marry , couldn't think rf it for a minute on my income , and there's lo prospect of an increase that I can see , so . Pm In a fix. " "What is your income ? " "Well , about § 2,500 per anura , at present. " "Marry the girl. " "What ! Do you really mean to advise a man ! o marry on such an income 1 "Why , it wouldn't nore than pay rent for the apartments my jirl would want to live in. Do you know vhat it costs to get married and live in New fork in any sort of shape , and with , any sort ) f a stylish girl. It can't be done on less than 15,000 a year , and if you havn't got that much it least , the old man wouldn't think of it , sven if the girl would , which is very doubtful. ! fo siree , no marry for me on $2,50J per year , y > t if I konw It. Now If you really want to "NO MAKKr FOR ME. " mow something about the geography of mar- ded life in New York City just look around unong your friends and see how few of the wysget married , and the number is decreasing ( very year , too. I tell you it is a dangerous hlnc to marry nowadays in this city , and the K > ys know it by heart Tnere's it lea- fifty housand of them that havn't married and tever expect to , in this city alone , and I am me of the unhappy band. So long , there's iliss Carrie R , just retunned from Newport , ind I want to see her. See you later. " And as Iliss Carrie R. , connected with some if the best revolutionary blood of Gotham , owed sweetly , he joined her and they walked ip Broadway. Miss Carrie was certainly a MISS CARRIE E. stylish and handsome younjj lady , and as they walked away I couldn't help thinking of the graceful SWJHEJ she gave her body , and the aeat fitting dress which she managed with so much finesse that it seemed born a part of her , Sited backward and forward , swung from side X ) side , clnnir lovingly round her aristocratic jraist , and jealously nld from sight everything but the tips of her evidently eight or ten dol lar boots. What did her get-up cost ? How much did her guardian angel , otherwise her well-to-do ancle , lay out on that swing of her dress ! Evidently it was ga'ned only through a lone : series of seasons at different watering places , end high-priced ones , as you don't find just that peculiar undulation at any second-rate hotels , and it cannot bs learned in a single season. That swing alone is evidence of an expenditure of at least five thousand dollars at nigh priced watering places. . Her hat must have cost somethinz like $25 , at a low esti mate , and sir in a season is none too many. KII gloves run about four pairs per month. Dresses , well , heaven and the wearer only knows what they cost , to say nothing of the numerous unmentionables not visible to the outward gaze but nevertheless there , and probably costly , provided one conld judge the Inside from the out. And so a young man with an income of $500 per year couldn't think of marrying a lady brought up in this way , and she wouldn't think of marrymghim. First class to talk to , splendid waltzer , jnst the sort of a fellow to meet at a summer re sort where youns men were scarce , nice to talk sentiment to nnder the summer stars- Tint to marry what an Idea , and the old uncle would swear in seven languages if he thought Ms ward had any such intention , but she hadn't Can It be possible that there are fifty thous and bachelors in New York City bachelors of marriageable age who expect to remain so through life. It is undoubtedly so , and this. too , in spite of the fact that the ladies out number the men two to one at almost all the summer resorts , and that oar streets arefairly crowded and jammed every Saturday after noon , especially Broadway and Fifth Avenue , with throngs of the most stvlish , good look ing and generally admitted heart breakers in the land. What "is the matter with the boys ? "Why is it that there is apartment building af ter apartment building fitted up exclusively for men , and no ladies admittedwhile every prominent flat building In the city , like the Dakota , the Chelsea , the Valencia , etc. . etc. , all have their suits of rooms known as "bach elor apartments , " and well filled with jolly single gentlemen of marriageable age who lavu't any more idea of marrying in this life than they have of swingins golden harps In Ihe next men who enjoy life for all there is in It generally men who'have made their pile , and have enough to marry on If they ' so de- Ired men who belong to the Unlon'Leas ie and other clubs , and men who have become Bedded to a life of celibacy through what ? 1 Through the generally believed and growing opinion that a man "without considerable 1' . ' money fo back up the experiment has no business to marrv and attempt to live lu New York city that the man who docs do so puts a millstone around his neck that will eventually " sink him in the slough of despond , hold hi" nose to the grindstone through tue balance o : life , dress the woman he loves in shabby clothes , and bring up his children in pinched circumstances and among unfavorable sur roundings. "Sam , why Is it that you have never mar ried ? " Sam Tbaxman , a jolly bachelor of some forty well spent winters , a member of tue Lotus Club , aud who is abundantly able now to marry , having grown grey in the service of the ladies of his acquaintance , had stopped ir. front of me on the corner of Twenty-Third street and Broadway , in front of the Fifth Avenue Hotel , the general loafing place of the swell dandles who wish to ogle ttie ladies as they pass , for here Broadviar crosses Fifth Avenue , and if a man will only linger there long enough he will meet all the friends he has in the city , since all who are able to walk pass this spot at least once a week. "That's a funnv qutslion and demands a serious answer. 1 never found a girl whose nose just suited me. " "Pshaw. What is the reason , seriously speaking ? " "Well , seriously speaking , the same thing that keeps the boys generally from marrying a wholesome fear of the hereafter. "Explain yourself. " "Stand here with me a minute , watch tho ladies that pass by , and listen to what I have to say to some of them whom I know. You know I am a prlvilesed character , and they won't take offense If 1 ask questions. You see that lady coming across the Avenue , I mean that elderly maiden lady , with the enormous , hat and military looking suit. That's the lady 1 rent my apartments f torn. She belong to the past tense , as the boys say , and will never see the sunny side ot forty again. She's as prim as they make 'em , and as proud as Lucifer before he fell liko the snowflake. Here ske is , and I'm going to astonish her. "Bung Jure , Madain Juvce. May I ask you a question on an important matter for theben- efic of mv friend ? " "Bon Jour , Mcestair Thaxman. Certainlee , ce'rtainlee. " "Mudam Juvee , what would you require in a husband ? " "MON DEETj ! MEESTAIRE THAXMAN. " "Mon Dieu , Mistaire Tbaxman. Tell youwh frien' zat I wouldna' marrce ze bes' man zat leeves in ze worrl. " And with a sarcastic glance at me she passed by like an insulted tornado. "Whew , good heavens , she thought you wanted to marry her and refused. Ha , ha , ha , that's a good one , a'n't ' it. Ha , bn , ha , ha , " and he laughed until I ceuld have forsworn his friendship forever. "Well , the next one you tackle , jus' me out , if you pleaseand peihap * > < > i eetmore information'and have less so .1 my expense. " "I'll do it , and here comes the very lau. . .M want to see. She's as winning and prett'i us can be found in Gotham , spent this summer in the Adirondacks , and will break your heart In three evenings , if she wants to. What she will have to say about wedded bliss will be enter taining. " "Why , Mr. Thaxman , hovr do you do. I havn't seen you for ! > n ase. I thought you promised to come up iu the mountains " efore we left. " "So I did , Miss Catlin , but the fact is that I am no longer a fiee man , andhavn'tbeeu since sprintr. I'm engaged. " "Engaged , Mr. Thaxman : Why didn't you give me a chance. "Who is it ? I'm dying to know who's going to get married. Havn't had an invitation to a wedding { this summer. " "WHO IS IT ? l'3I DYING TO KNOW. " I "Why don't you fiet up one on your own ac count , Miss Catlin ? Can't you find the right one ? " "Oh , my , ye ? . I found a dozen of the right ones this summer , but I couldn't marry all of them you know , and so here I am , still in the market , and autumn is here , too. Well. I suppose I'll have to wait till your fiancee quarrels with you and then fall back on you , after all , " with a roguish twinkle in her eyes. "What kind of a man do-you want , Miss Catlin , anyhow , and what do you expect to mirry : him for , if I may ask ? " "For love , Mr. Thaxman , pure , unadultera ted love , and I want a man that I can really love , and waste my affect'ou on. A real , live man , too. None of your Jim dandies that loaf about street corners , carry silver headed canes , and look like golden calves or brazen Images. " "so you really would marry for love alone. " "Yes. Every time. " "But , suppose the gentleman was poor. " "My dear Mr. Thaxman , I'm certainly going to marry for love if I ever marry at all , but , well to be candid with you I don't think J could love a poor man. Cbrne up to-morrow evening and tell me all about your engage ment , won't you ; and now farewell till E see you asrain , " and with the sweetest of smiles she tripped gaily away up the Avenue. "She's right. She's no business to marry a poor man. She'd break her heart iu a year if she couldn't have what she wanted , and that's the trouble w.th most of them , " said Sam. "Her father is a broker who once had consid erable monov , but 1 guess most of it is spent , or soon will be , for he's a riskv speculator , and has made some bad breaks in the market late ly. However , here comes a young ladv of a different stamp. I'll explain before she ar rives that this girl is an organist , or rather has been an organist and is now a music teacher. If she got away for two weeks this summer , and took it out at Aslibury Park , it i ? probably all the vacation she had. Just for curiosity I myself would like to know what her ideas of matrimony are. " "Good morning , Miss Linton. I haven't seen von all summer. Where have you been putting In the time , may I inquire ? " "Mr. Thaxman , good morning. Real glad to see you. As to putting in tme : this suin- mer , why I've had an elegant time at Sarato ga , Newport , and In August we went to Cape Mry but my name Isn't i Miss Linton. I've "langedit , yon see. " "Married , Miss Linton , orMrs.- "MY NAME ISN'T MISS LINTON. ' "Ye , Mr. . Thaxman , married , and Mr. anc Mrs. Devlin'wlll be pleased to see you at the WindsorHotel anv time youmny wish to call You see , George"that's Mr. D. , is building a aew house on the Avenue , ana it Is so very elegant that it will taku several months to complete it. We're going lo furnish it from Paris direct , and qu te up to the latest de signs. " "Allow me to congratulate you , Mrs Devlin , on your marriage ; but It surely cannot be George Devlin , the retired mercnant , that Is vour husband. " "It jnst is , though , and we would like to see you very much. Call when you can , Mr. Thaxman , and good-bye" and the visitor van ished up Broadway. / "Well , well , well. So poor old Devlin , who retired so long ago that the street has forgot ten him completely , has married this young lady of twenty five or six. "Why , he must be at least seventy-five or eighty , and I haven'l heard of him before in five years. Got lots oJ money , thouch. Do you wonder that I am single after this , and that I don't marry. I've seen this th-ng of money , position , blood , an cestry , and "pure , unadulterated loVe" for twenty years , and it is celling worse ever ; year. " I tell you the reason I rever marriec and never will marry can be summed up in a few words : I never found a girl with a nose just to suit me. Good morning , " and he passed away , striking the ground viciously with his rattan cane as he walked. Pondering deeply on what had passed , ] walked slowly home and met Kitty Wayland just entering the dcor. Kitty Is a niece of the lady of the house , aud a great favorite with the boarders. She was just returning from a trip to the country. Fresh air would give her fresh ideas , parhaps , and besides she wasn't over sixteen "Kitty , what is your idea of married lifel Give a serious answer , for I'm puzzled. " "Good gracious , you aren't going to propose I hope. " "GOOD GKACIOUS ! YOU AREN'T GOING TO PHOPOSE ! " "No , Kitty , cot to-day. But what do you mow about nroposing , anyway ? " "Well , I just know this much , that the man who proposes to me and expects to get me will late to have a pretty > oid ! bank account , for [ 'm goins to live in one of the handsomest lats in this city ' when I marry , and keep up with the best o'f them. " "Wouldn't you marry a poor man if you toyed him , Kitty , and be satisfied with a small apartment over in Jersey City ? " "I wouldn't marrv the best man living If he hadn't money , and I wouldn't live In Jersey City if they'd give me the whole place. You don't think I'm going to marry and be a maid of all work , do you , just to please some man. " " those irrevocable senti "Kitty , are your ments ? " "They certainly are , so if you've got any poor young man picked out for me , bring him iround and I'll give him the grand bounce to night before It goes any'farther. I believe In nipping these things in the bud. Ta , ta , and don't forget to bring him around soon , " and she skipped up stairs. Ihe problem of mating the bachelors and : he maidens still remains unsolved. SPIRTO GESTIL. A Cruel Deception. Colonel Trover , of Hyde Park , tells a good one at the expense of his wife's mother , who is sojourning with him. A lady called upon his wife one day last week , aud alter swapping tho usual gossip about the trouble with hired girls and the amount of paradise represented by tho fall bonnet , the hostess invited her guest to take a glass of wine. She consented , and the Colonel's wife went out to get the nectar , to the great delight of her mother , who has an exceedingly good lip for the "rosy. " She found a bottle in tlie refrigera tor , but to her chagrin it only contain ed ahout one good square drink , and she could not lind the key to the wine clo et. What to do she didn't know for a minute or two , hut her woman's wit finally came to the rescue , and she was saved from embarrassment. Pouring the wine into a glass for her guest-she loaded a couple of others to the muzzle with cold coffee for her self and mother , and so placed them on the tray that there could be no mis take in delivery. When the tray was passed to the mother-in-law she reached over ab stractedly and picked up tho glass of deception prepared for her , without a thought of the cruel disappointment in store. Raising her eyes to heaven as she dropped into that beatific state of mind to which the old toper is exalted whenever he finds himself about to crook his elbow to some purpose , she brought the glass to her lips , took a sip , and immediately felt as though she had dropped from the clouds and landed in a blackberry patch. Trover's wife says the expression that came out on the face of her de luded parent , when the chilling truth burst upon her , was a sight that would have made the gods weep. Chicago Ledger. JAPAJT TO-DAY. Ex-Minister Blnglmm's Account of Ui Condition of Affairs iu that Empire. From the San Francisco Chronicle. After an almost unbroken residence hi Japan for nearly thirteen years John A. Bingham of Ohio , ex-Minister for the United States to the imperial court at Tokio , has arrived in San Francisco' on his way home. He has been relieved by Minister Hubbard Mr. Bingham's last duty in Japan be ing to induct his successor into his office and present him to the Emperor Ex-Minister Bingham arrived by the Rio de Janeiro , and spoke most freely and entertainingly on a variety o Japanese topics. "Japan's progress , " said the ex- Minister , "has been simply marvel lous. When the present Emperor came to the throne sixteen years ago the country was governed and grounc down by the Daimios , who were noth ing more nor less than feudal lords ruling their serfs with rods of iron and imposing on them a military duty which they turned to quarrelsomeanc robbing account. At one blo\y tho Emperor swept away this Orienta counterpart of European medioevalism and Japan leaped at a bound from the sixteenth to the nineteenth cen tury. " "How was this wonder brought about ? " "I shall make the same answer to you , sir , that I have before made to a similar question , " replied the ex- Minister. "It was accomplished be cause the people believe that the Em peror is just what his name signifies , 'Tenno , ' the 'Son of heaven. ' All the traditions of the country pointsto this , the beliefs of the people went that way , the astonishing wisdom of the youth he was but sixteen at the time of his succession confirmed the belief , and against what he did and ordered there is no resistance. Thus the Ten- no was able to accomplish impossibil ities , or what would be impossibilities with another monarch. At present the Japanese are enjoying the fruits of the new order of things , and as one exam ple of the unusual blessings which tho people enjoy I may mention this , that in the Island of Nippon alone , with an area greater and a population equal to that of England , there are more small landholders than there are in the'right little , tight little island. ' " "Then Japan is a free country ? " we asked. "Yes , and no , " was tho response. "The people enjoy many of the bless ings of free .men , out the empire itself is largely under foreign control. Three European States , England , Prance , and Holland , but England first and principally , are the masters of Japan's foreign policy. To an extent of which this country has scarcely an idea , Japan is ruled by Europe. The Em peror is bound down by treaties by which England gains almost every thing and Japan gains almost nothing. With a Privy Council that feels the weight of the European finger in every thing it does , constantly menaced by the gunboat policy , and with customs duties so minimized that they are not enough to pay the expenses of the de partment , Japan is by no means free , and is not likely to be so without a lit tle vigorous aid from us. Some time or other the United States will see the riches that lie in Japan ; will see , for in stance , that together they might rule the silk market of the world. It is true our commerce with Japan has risen from thousands of dollars to millions , but the existing trade is nothing to what it should be is only an indication of what it might be. The fact is , the commerce of the Pacific is not yet appreciated by the American people , and , mark my words , some fine year , when Europe is at peace and is rolling in rich harvests , the United States will look longingly to the great countries of the Orient to relieve her of her surplus. " Opposed to Bathing1. From the Pittsburg Dispatch. He had laid down a package which he had just finished tying up , and wiped his hand with the front of his vest. He stood behind the counter of a South Side grocery store. His face was broad and red , and overflown with good nature and perspiration. He looked as though he might weigh two hundred. "So you would like to see a man who is opposed to bathing would you ? Well , here he is ; take a good look at him. He is never sick and never had a cold. " "You don't look as though you would go into a rapid decline soon. " "No ; and I don't feel like it. I am 45 years old and weigh 195 pounds. I am opposed to bathing. If a man wants to open up thepores of his skin once or twice a week and lay himself open to the attacks of disease , let him do it. " "How long ago did you discover this principle of hygiene ? " "If you mean when did I stop bath ing about ten years ago. Not entirely mind you. I take alight invigorator Lwice a year , just to keep my skin fresh you know. May be this is too often , but I find it atnees with me best. I get into a tub on the first of January and again on the 4th of July. Now you ate laughing , butremember.young man , I am older than you and have bad more experience. Did you ever see a cow bathe ? No , I thought not. A cow refrains from bathing by in stinct , yeo they are as clean an animal as lives. I merely take a rough towel every night and rub myself down and change my clothes often. If the chol era starts here this season I think I. can defy it. I never had a contagious disease in my life , yet I have attended to people who had small-poxand have been among contagious diseases of all kinds. " Dr. de la Granja , who has worked official- y on throyal cholera commission in Spain , says the mortality has been Rreitly underestimated , and that there will be no abatement of the disease until the cooler weather ol December , .THEIDES OFMAKCH. It was the 15 of March and aprema turo equinoctial raged throughout the city streets. A young man who hac jusfc seated himself at his breakfast when some fond recollection stole over him which led him to investigate the weather. He went to the window ant gazed at the storm wfth ever-increas ing dismay. "Great Scott ! " he ejaculated , "here's a pretty mess. " He scanned the heavens in all directions , but the out look was hopeless. Catching up the Herald he eagerly sought for Old Prob's views on the subject. But the clerk o the weather was way off. Old Prob said "clear and cold. " With a sniff o contempt at such prognostications he laid down the paper and devotee himself to his breakfast. The door presently opened and ad mitted a small , crisp old gentleman as blooming as a May morning in spite of his G5 years. "Morning , Richard , " said he "Morning. " "Seasonable weather , eh , Richard ? Something electric in a day like this sends the blood tingling through yonr veins , and so on. Well , what's the news war declared ? Pass me that paper , Dick. " ' The old gentleman's cheerfulness was singularly offensive to Richard con sidering his ownlowstatesohehastily swallowed his breakfast and stragglec down to business , mumbling unpleas ant things about the leather all the way. Martin Davenport , Dick's uncle , was an importer of woods for household interiors. Ho was wealthy and a bachelor. If one was to believe all he said he detested women , ant daily declared that if Dick ever mar ried he must say good-by to his uncle Richard was his bookkeeper on a slender salary ( lest he should be led in to temptation , ) and in love with the dearest girl in the world. He hadn't told her so because , all things con sidered , it was useless. His uncle en joyed rude health , so there were slim possibilities in that direction. The fact that connubial bliss was at present out of the question was the immediate cause of his perturbed spirit. At this very moment he was pacing the office floor in rage. Hehad invited his fairest fair to accompany him to the play of "Julius Ccesar , " at Booth's Theater. The tickets were purchased days since. Dick pulled them from his pocket as if hopingsome miracle had changed the date. But no ; March 15 , in clearest type , met his despairing gaze. He groaned aloud. "What the devil's the matter with you , Dick ? " said his uncle who had just dried his feet and was preparing for his morning work. The wild idea of throwinghimself up on his uncle's mercy crossed his mind , and without thinking of the possibility of being ridiculed , heexclaimed , "Uncle , I'm in a box. " "Box ! What kind ? Now don't say financial Richard ; it's no good , " and the old gentleman chuckled , gleefully. "You see , it's like this , Uncle Mar tin , " Richard went on , not as glibly as he could have wished. "I've asked a young lady to go to the theater to night , and it's raining great guns. "Well ? " "Shelives in Brooklyn. Storms , you know , and I ought to take a carriage. To hire a carriage to go over there , and then to wait for us and all that , would take a lot of money , and I'm strapped. Had money enough yester day , but I forgot all about to-night's engagement and paid a bill , and this miserable $2 dollar bill is every bless ed cent I've got. What shall I do , Uncle ? " "Beware of the ides of March , Rich ard , " chuckled the old gentleman , and he turned his back to the wretched young man and occupied himself with the mail. Dick felt suicidal. He might send word that sudden illness prevented him , etc. , but she probably wouldn't believe it. He plunged his hands into the depths of his trousers pockets , he stared out at the rain imploringly and defiantly by turns , as if he could influ ence the elements by one expression or the other. Finally in despair he was about to go to work when a messenger boy brought him a letter , the reading of which caused a grin of delight to creep over his handsome face. He heaved a tremendous sigh of relief , and mur mured : "That was a close shave ! " At this point Mr. Mar tin Davenport threw down his letters , exclaiming : "What are you up to now , Dick ? How's a man to read with you snort ing like a steam engine ? " Dick Davenport's soul was simply overflowing with gratitude , and he was ready to pour forth the sequel of his recent woe , so he exclaimed impulsive ly : "Such luck ! I've a letter from the younclady. You know " "What young lady ? " "Why the young lady I asked to go to Booth's to-night. " "Death in the family and begs to be excused ? You're in clover , Dick. " "Oh ! no , uncle , it's but , here , you read it. " With a very wry countenance the old gentleman gingerly took the mis sive and read : "Dear Mr. Davenport : In consequence of the rain , which I do not wish to deprive me of the pleasure of this evening's engage ment with you , -write this to tell you that I will spend the night with my aunt , Mrs. Bently , at No. West fifty-third street , and you may call for me there. It will save you a wet journey to Brooklyn , and will also be much nicer about getting home. "Don't be offended if I say my aunt's house is so very convenient to the horse cars that if you call for me with a carriage I refuse to go at all. This is not a whim , but a principle. I hope you know me well enough to believe that I mean precisely what I say. Very truly yours , ANNIE FIELDING. "Jerusalem ! " exclaimed the old gen tleman , as the note fluttered to the floor. Dick had been furtively watch ing the effect of his dear girl's letter upon bis uncle , and when he saw the thoughtful , softened expres- f\ sion of his countenance , fondly hopeJi his relative , in this moment of weak ness , would put out a twenty dollar bill , and say : "Go it my boy ; dont let her wet thesoles of her dainty feet. honeyed sweetness fell But no such upon his ears ; nothingbut a soft , long- drawn whistle Lsued from the old. man's lins. , , "What do you think of her , uncle/ asked the young man , with an anxious "Why she must be unusual , Bick. " : # * . Dick went to work with a light heart , \ but the old gentleman was busied in thought all day. He had had a new revelation of womankind. Bf evening the wind ceased and only the rain fell quietly and steadily. The young people went to the play most prosaically in a horse car , like ordi it not a nary mortals , and enjoyed whit the less. . , "People will think we are married , thought Dick , jubilantly , as with Annie tucked under his arm ho hailed a car for home when Julius Casar had been properly stabbed , orated and duly disposed of in regular style. "How came you to write that note , Annie ? " asked Richard , unconsciously usinc her Christian name. "Well , to be candid , to take a car riage all the way to Brooklyn and back , or even right hero in tho city is terri bly expensive , and I thought it was possible you could not afford it. Not that I thought you absolutely hadn't the money , you know" apologetical ly"Oh "Oh , of course not ! " exclaimed our y yr hero , with gusto. r "Only , " she continued , "I likethings to be consistent. And , besides , I did want to go so badly. " "Was that the only reason ? " anx ious to keep her talking. "Well" and she smiled , merrily , "per haps I wanted to show that I was'fast colors. ' " Dick wanted to hug her. She was adorable. Nothing but his impecuni- osity restrained him from popping the question on the spot , But , if his lips were silent , his eyes were unquenchable , and she well , she was a woman , and consequently this species of commu nication was quite intelligible to her. When Richard finally let himself in to his uncle's gloomy , old-fashioned house , he was surprised to see a light in the old gentleman's sitting-room. Thinking' he might be ill , he hastily mounted the stairs and entered the room. j His uncle was yawning over a book , and on the table was a dusty bottle of rare old wine that that was the pride ot his life and only used on the rarest occasions. "What on earth are you sitting up for , uncle ? " "For you. What do you mean by keeping me out of bed till this late hour ? " The expression on his face would have been quite the proper thing , and a , thing to be expected in a wife , but in an uncle , it was so supremely ab surd that Richard almost doubted his uncle's sanity. "Dick , " said the old man , solemnly , "this has been a devilish long evening , but I have stuck it out and determin ed not to go to bed till we drank the bride's health. " /'What bride ? " asked Richard , con vinced now of his uncle's delirium. "Why , yours , " roared the old man. "Aren't you going to marry her ? If you don't I shall " "But , financially , you know , " gasped Dick , "I am not > - " "Richard , " said his uncle , pouring out the wine in two beautifulVenetiaii glasses , "I resign the business to you. To-morrow I shall retire. I expect to t stop at home to watch the young mad am and keep her out of mischief. " The wine was drunk in silence except for the usual indistinct mumbling. The old man's eyes softened ; his thoughts went backageneration , while to Dick the golden fluid conjured up visions of passionate bliss , in which a pair of blue eyes and a golden head fig ured extensively. When Annie Fielding came to be mistress of the old house she had two lovers instead of one. Kilpatrick's Fun. On our way to Fredericksburg , in 1802 , writes a soldier in the Missouri Republican , we had encamped for a day and late in the afternoon our attention was attracted by the music of a band in a grove only a half a mile away , which kept playing one lively air for so long a time that some few of us proposed to go over and see what the fun was about. At this time Kilpatrick was lieutenant-colonel of the "Harris fight cavalry , " afterward called by preju diced infantry "Kilpatrick's thieves. " "When we reached the grove a very funny sight greeted us. The band was still playing , but nearly exhausted. Kilpatrick , elevated by standing on a barrel head , was shouting directions to at least 50 darkey men , women and children , old and young who were dancing a breakdown in true Vir ginia style , the sweat pouring off from them. The band leader appealed to Kilpatrick in behalf of his windbroken band , but in vain. "Kil" shouted back , "Play till you wear the darkies out , " then yelled t9 the darkies , "Keep it up , boys and girls ; you will beat that band sure. " Aye , there stood the man who was afterward celebrated in history as Gen , Killpatrick , the raider , prompting the most amusing dance ever witnessed. No modern minstrel troupe has ever equated it. His officers were just as he was , and one of them passed around the hat , to which the specta tors responded liberally ; then , just as the band blew a last and dismal blast , Kilpatrick threw the contents of tho hatiimong the contrabands. Such n , scene ! down on all fours , scrabbling , pushing , shouting and screaming , until the last silver piece had been secured. Kilpatrick came down from the bar rel , and in his ever genial manner shook hands with us , saying : "Gen tlemen of the Gth , I am glad to see you. You will excuse this little party , for it is not often that we have such > fun , and at the same time give active V employment to the contrabands. " v {