POLITICAL orator IB a man
of verbal luxuriance , and
nearly always the shallow-
eat of uophists. There IB
usually little to be gained
In what ho says , but , to "tho
'groundlings , " there la a deep sig
nificance In the way ho Buys
"but " , to "the groundlings , " there Is a
deep significance In the way ho says
It. We had orators In the ward and
In the city , the .common , native gar
den variety of "wind-jammers , " and
the exotic , or Imported variety of
"jaw-umllhG. " Oratory at Its best Is
rather a lost art , and the political orator
tor IB a good example of a lost artist.
We never expected to Influence voting
In the ward on account of speech-mak
ing. The Republicans went to Repub
lican meetings and the Democrats
went to Democratic gatherings , and
the applause that the speakers re
ceived was simply Uie "Jolly" that
their own crowd was handing thorn ,
and there you had It.
Occasionally a man might drift In
where some really witty and able
talker was rousting out the "chin-mu-
elc , " and be Impressed a little , but af
ter he had gone home and slept over
It , and appeared at the polls , he would
get the same old ticket and vote It In
the same old way. I heard the orators
In an early day who were orators , but
did not hear them In the political cam
paigns. "Bob" Ingersoll and Emory
Storrs were orators the like of whom
I shall hardly-hear again , but It was
not for me to bo dazzled by the glit
tering generalities or clumsy plati
tudes of these "silver-tongued" orators
of the hustings- matter whethei
they were of my own rarty or not. I
liked a good , sensible talk , but the
average line of "bunk" handed out by
the ground and lofty tumblers of the
city campaigns was something to
make a man lauch.
And yet the custom had grown so
Btrong that nothing could apparently
stop it. There was always the com
mittee on halls , and the committee on
speakers , and there was a racing , and
chasing of cabs and a mounting of
platforms by anxious candidates , and
a great disireto present to the citi
zens the "issues of the day" and so
licit their suffrages on election day.
And who attended these meetings ?
Why , mainly , the "boys. " The pre
cinct captains , the members of the
ward clubs , the hangers-on that only
knew Andrew Jackson as the name of
a cigar , the men on the pipe-extension
gangs , the ward superintendent , the
men down in the city hall , the sewer
diggers , laborers , etc. , who are work
ing for the city , and the "pay-roll bri
gade" in general.
And where was the private citizen ?
Why , ho was at home , reading the
evening paper , playing with the cat ,
having a quiet little game of "cinch"
at ten cents a "corner , " flve cents
a "set-up" and Tommy around to the
Dutchman's with the big white pitcher.
Much he carrd for oratory. If ho got
a letter from the managers of the cam-
ipalgn , or maybe a letter from a may
oralty rnndldate , he opened It and
read it , and possibly speculated a lit
tle as to the truth of It , but , as a rule ,
he did not l > ether himself much as to
the meetings
There was an exception to this ,
however , wh ° n the candidate for al-
clerman or ihe candidate for mayor
appeared in a ward. Then the citizens
generally went to the meetings. Hut
not to hear what wore glibly termed
"Issues" disouhsi'd. 13ut to lookat , the
candidate , size him up , and see whcth-
or they liked him , and if he looked
like a man who could fill the job.
They didn't care for his "oratory , " un
less he could tell them a good story ,
or "nmt" the opposition candidates
wittily , and tlun he was Indeed a
"atar. "
The appearance of the may
oralty candidate- was , of course ,
the grout event of a ward
camj.ign ) , awl filled the balls
to o orflowlng 13oys and women in
the galleries , and even the aisles
Jamnjcd. Perhaps some "silver-
ton'ue" ; would ho making the welkin
rlni ; with a passionate declamatory
Inj.Bt about "tho thirteen struggling
caloules. " "those are the times that
to men's souls , " "when in the course
'i ! human events , " or some other
j'euff" borrowed from a school history ,
fc , war pamphlet or the declaration of
Independence , whcu all at once there
KEHTARS/MO HfJ
would be a shuffle at the other end of
the hall.
"Hero ho comes , " and "there he is"
would bo the whispers and signals ,
and the great man or great men would
approach through the center aisle at
tended by a cordon of followers like
the attendant pilot-fishes to his majes
ty the shark , or more properly speak
ing , like the attendant porpoises on
the whale.
The "silver-tongued" "bunk-shooter"
"would then grasp the hands of the
great men , to show how close he waste
to the throne , and would gently but
firmly subside , and "tho Real Thing"
would proceed to address the mooting.
Close attention was always shown to
the mayoralty and aldennanlc candi
dates and to no one else. And what
the audience was always trying to
figure o.ut was "what kind of a man
is ho ? " and not "what arc the issues ? "
And so the orators soared in and out
of the Issues like a swallow's flight
above a river , and their analysis of the
questions of the day left as much an
impression on their hearers' minds as
the bird's flight does In the air above
the river's current.
13ut they were watching him , and
shrewdly or otherwise making up-
their minds as to his sincerity , his
courage'his honesty and his general
ability to fill the ofllco ho was seek
ing. The main issue was always some
thing that no one , not even the origi
nators of it , really understood. It was
usually based on a strictly scientific
degree of accuracy. It started from
self-evident and bitterly contested con-
elusion , and arrived in a labyrinth of
contradiction from which there was
no outlet. The' celebrated traction is
sue , for Instance , was one on which
several campaigns were fought , and
no honest man ever really pretended
to understand it. The question had
as many angles to It as three-cushion
carom billiards , and as fast as one
perfect solution to the puzzle- was of
fered , something would bob up that
would change the status of affairs and
make It as much of a mystery as be
fore.
fore.Thp
Thp mnlii unos of natiinnlirn nrnfnrv
in the wards was to enthuse the work
ers , to get the "hustlers" In the vari
ous precincts busy In gottlng out the
votes. To do this required that the
speaker descend from the high trap
eze of flowery declamation and talk
about the practical benefits to bo de
rived by a party victory. "Tho thir
teen struggling colonies" were all
right In their place , but that was
several years back , and what the
workers wanted to hear about was the
patronage to bo distributed , the pos-
slb'llty of jobs and positions when the
victory was gained , and "what there
was In It for them. "
The business and professional men
of the ward followed their callings
on precisely the same plan. They ,
also , were looking In their line for'pe
cuniary rewards and emolument. Yet
they sneered at the politicians. What
difference did It make to a fellow who
was out of a place in the city col
lector's office , whether a measure of
public policy smacked of Hamiltonian-
ism or Jeffersonianism ? What ho
wanted was the job. So a great deal
of the local political oratory was prac
tical to a degree.
At the political banquets , however ,
the real oratory was supposed to bo
uncorked , and wo always attended
these banquets , usually at from three
to live dollars "a throw , " or a plate ,
as the more polite termed it. Hut the
speaking post
science of after-dinner
prandial oratory , as It is called , is
largely dependent upon * extraneous
conditions ; and particularly as to the
state of receptivity on the part of the
audience. After n man has drunk ,
say two or three glasses of sautcrne ,
a couple of glasses of claret , and four
or flve or cloven glasses of cham
pagne , he Is usually in a very uncriti
cal condition. And almost any
flowery "bunk" goes with him as some
thing grand.
But just let a man stick to "little
old a < jua pura" all during the banquet ;
lot him up-end his glass and .say :
"Nay , nay , Paulino" to the teetering
waiters who hover near with { ho I3ac-
chanallan fluids , and "what a change
Is there , my country-men , " In his
judgment of the post-prandial slush
that is ladled out to him. The Joe
Miller jests and learned by heart or
namentations of the speakers fall on
an Inattentive ear ; and ho cannot be
lured Into wild and unreasoning ap
plause over some well-known quota
tion which has been delivered by an
orator with the air of "I've just
thought of that. "
Political oratory Is composed of the
usual two classes of all oratory , to-
wit : prepared and Impromptu. Pre
pared oratory Is oratory which has
been admittedly gotten up beforehand
and which the speaker Is ready to
hand out to the reporters on typewritten
ten sheets before the banquet. Im
promptu oratory is oratory which the
speaker has learned by heart and re
fuses to give copies of , although it
has been written out carefully. This
compels the attendance of short-hand
reporters to take It down. When the
stenographers take It down , the Im
promptu orators will sometimes glvo
a favored paper an exact copy of the
speech , so as to have It printed cor
rectly.
It may ho hinted that all this rm-
vors of the cynicism of the man Who
envies the accomplishment of oratory
to the "sllvcr-touguod" tribe. For
from It ! I have "been there , " Hora
tie , and have on occasion aroused the
plaudits of the brvnquotocrs myself.
The most pronounced BUCCOBS I over
had In that way was a little impromp
tu gem that I delivered before a "atone
sober" crowd one time. I hod been
given my subject six months before ,
and had written and ro-wrltten my
talk all out , at least a dozen times. I
had polished It , and adorned it with
slavish cnro , and had blended with it
varloua thoughts and quotations from
the poets and the philosophers. You
don't have to use quotation murks In
oratory , and anyway , I did not know
where those gentlemen had stolen
their stuff from.
I typo-wroto this talk , and lot it
Ho a couple of months , and then went
over it again , shortening some of the
long Hcntences , and rearranging and
shifting until I got It .down as fine an
it was possible for mo to do. Then
I learned It absolutely by heart. I
could say it backwards or forwards ,
begin In the middle and roclto It eith
er way. I knew It better than the mul
tiplication table or the alphabet. I
"orated it" until I had , as I thought ,
all the proper Inflections , even to a
llttlo stumble , a llttlo "eloquent pauso"
whore I was supposed to bo overcome
by the strength of my crootlonB. It
was really a very hard job , the getting
up of this little'"impromptu , " and one
which I should hardly care to tackle
again just for the sake of doing some
one a favor.
, Flnally I had the thing down letter
perfect , and the day and occasion arrived -
-rived for my "sotting it off. " Now
some "Impromptu" speakers make the
mistake of "spieling" tholr pleco
right off "the hookB" without giving
themselves any time for "Inspiration. "
Tliis Is a fatal mistake , and even the
most obtuse will not bo deceived if
you begin at top speed with your "fire
works , " Hut I had heard too many
Impromptu speakers to bo lured Into
such a false position. The proper
way is to select something about the
particular occasion which may strike
your fancy and then Btart in with a
few halting sentences about that.
Something of this sort , for Instance :
"As I stand on thin spot to-day , I feel
Incapable of adequately voicing the
foolingB that the time and the occa
sion would call up In the breast of a
real orator , " or "I am glad to be with
you hero , my friends , to-day ; and this
audience , and the event which we are
railed upon to celebrate , only makes
mo feel my shortcomings as a speak'
or , " or "As I entered the hall to-day I
caught sight of , " etc. , etc.
And then , when you have edged In
with one or two airy common-places
you can come In with your "sins , boom ,
All" verbal pyrotochnlcs , and give the
audience a sure-enough "impromptu"
exhibition.
The uninitiated will say. "Ain't ho
a corker ? "
The man that "Is next" will reply.
"G'wan ; I'll bet It took him six months
to frame that up. "
EUNKRT M'OAKKnr.
( CopyrlRht , IMS , by Jouenh B. Bowles )
ONE POINT IN OUR FAVOR
Might Not Build Cars , Out America
Has the Railroads ,
At Brlarcllff Manor , the day before
the great motor race , Barney Oldfleld
said to a reporter :
"Hero Is a good ono on the foreign
cars. Do you see that young million
aire with the strap and buckle ar-
rangomeut on his low shoos ? Well , ho
was doing the &outh last month In a
French limousine ,
"Between two towns there was a
steep , rough , soft hill. With his heavy
llrcouslnd the millionaire got stuck on
It. Ho had to turn back.
"Well back there In the town they
advised him to ship the llinouslno on
In n flat car of the local freight that
was just about to pull out. Ho wise
ly did so. During the slow stoop
run the conductor and hrnkoman of
the freight gathered about him and
his limousine on the flat car. Ho gave
them largo , gold-tippod Egyptian oig-
arottos , and to please him the conduc
tor said :
" 'Fluo car you'vo got thorc. '
" 'Yea , ' Bald the millionaire. 'U'.i
a Frenoh car. Wo can't build them
like that In tula country. '
" 'No , maybe not , ' bald the conduc
tor , a bit nettled ; 'wo can build rail
roads , though , to lake them up the
hlllo. ' "
Higher Than Monarch ,
Ho who reigns within himself , and
rules passions , desires and fears , la
moro than a king. Milton.
She Knew the Pine * .
The elderly matron .with the bun
dles , who was Journeying to a point In
Wisconsin , and occupied a scat near
the mlddlo of the car , had fallen
asleep. On the scat in front of her nnt
a llttlo boy. The brakeman opened
the door of the car and called out the
name of the station the train wan approaching
preaching , The elderly woman reused
herself with n jerk.
"Whore are wo now , Hobby ? " ho
RRkcd.
"I don't know , grandma , " answered
the llttlo boy.
"Didn't the brakcman say something
Just now ? "
"No. Ho just stuck hli head Insldo
the door and sneezed. "
"Help mo with those tilings , Hob
by ! " she exclaimed , hurriedly. "This
IB Oshkosh. It's where wo got off. "
Youth's Companion.
Cause for Thanks ?
It was at a social gathering of ono
of the mutual Improvement societies
which help to pass the shining ( or
otherwise ) hour In an edifying man
lier.
lier.A
A llttlo Blnglng was to bo Indulged
In by noino of the members , and about
half-way down the program the imtuo
of Miss Molemy-Hrown Ilgnrod. Alas ,
however , when the time came for her
to appear a messenger arrived to say
that the lady was suffering from n
cold , and , therefore , the chairman had
to excuse her to the audience.
"Ladles and gentlemen , " ho oald , "I
have to nuiumncu Ilia I. Mlas Diuwu
will bo unable to sing , na announced ,
and , therefore , Mr. Green will glvo us
A Song of Thanksgiving. ' " Stray
B lories.
/ , , - . , . _
L --uii m m
What , Indeed !
, Tompklns IB ono of the people who
has taken up the phrnsa , "What do
you know about that ! "
The ether afternoon his beautiful
stenographer laid down her paper and
said :
"I ngrcp with Olga Nothorsolo In
the opinion that It is better to bo a
mother than to have a career. "
"Well , " exclaimed Tompkins , "what
do you know about that ! "
Important to Mothers.
Examine carefully every hottlo of
CASTOHIA a sofo and sure remedy for
Infants and children , and BOO that it
Hears the
Signature
In Use For Over JJO Yearn.
The Kind You Have Always Bought.
Without Soul.
"Do you enjoy hearing the robins
singing Joyously in the treetops ? "
"No , " answered Mr. Slrhts Baker ,
"I don't. If a human being kept prac
ticing the same tune forever , likea
robin , they'd run him out of the com
munity. "
Try Murlne Eye Remedy
For Red. Weak. Weary , Wntury Eyes.
Miirine Doesn't Sinnrt Soot hen Eyn I'aiti.
All DmggiFts Sell Murincfiit OOcU. The 48
Page Itook in each 1'ltg. IH worth Dollars
in I'vcry homo. Ask your Druggist.
Muriuu Kyo Remedy Co. , Chicago.
Not Recorded.
Bill Dlil they record that politi
cian's speech ?
Jill I believe not. They hadn't n
wind gauge , 1 bollove. Yonkcrs States
man.
KITS , Ht. VlliiH * Dnni-ii ami Nnrvonn Plsenmi pnr-
manontlyrimvl liy Dr. Kline's ( iro.it Ncrvn Ui'sturor.
HoiKl for fllKH fe ( trlill hortln uncl trviitlHi. Dr.
1U 11. Klliiit. Id. , U.ll Arch Hiri-dt , I'lilluUuliililu , 1'n.
Lot us labor to innko the heart
grow larger as wo become older , as
the spreading oak gives moro shelter.
Jeffries.
Lewis' Single Hinder straight fie. Many
Rinokcro prefer them to lOe cigara. Your
dealer or Lewis' Factory , Pcorin , 111.
Jealousy Is the trading stamp given
with each case of true love.
Mm. WIIUKMV'H HnotblnR Hyrup.
Tor children tccthliiK , noftcuH ttio KuraB , reduces In
flammation , allny pula , euros wlud collu. 250 u boltlo.
Birthdays , holidays and weddings
are what keep the average man poor.
"JLYDIA. E. PJNKHAlVl
No other medicine has IKJCII so
successful in relieving the Buffering
of women or received so many gen
uine testimonials as has .Lydia 12.
I'inhlmm'sVcirotixblo Compound.
In every community you will flail
women who have been restored to
health by LydSa E. Pinklmm's Veg
etable Compound. .Almost everyone
ono you ineot has cither been bene
fited by it , or has friends who havo.
In the Pinkham Laboratory at
LynnMas9. , any woman any day may
see the flics containing oror ono iniK
lion ono hundred thousand letters
from women seeking health , and
here are the letters in which they
openly state over their own signa
tures that thov wore cured by Lydia
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Lydia E. Pinklmm's Vegetable
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Lydia E. Pmklmm't ) Vcgctablo
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The reason why Lydia E. Pink-
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Women who are Bufl'oring from
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E. Pinkham'o Vegetable Compound
to restore their health.
What a Settler Can Soouro In
IfiO Acre * Groin.Growing Lund FREE.
20 to 10 llunliBU Wheat to llm Acre.
10 to 90 Ruiliclt On In to tliti Acre.
35 to SO UuihoU Hurley to Ilia Acre.
Timber for Fencing nml UuiUlingt FREE.
Gootl Ijiwt willi Low Taxation.
Splendid Unilroail Facilities and Low Rate * .
Scliooli and Cliurclio Convenient.
Sntlifnctnry Mntkett for oil Production * .
Good Climate and Perfect Hrnllh.
Chancel for Profitabla Investment ! .
Rome of tlio chotopfit prnln-VroiluclnRlnnds In
BaMltiitchewHU mid Allx'rtn limy now 1m IK-
f nil fed In tlii'HoinoHt healthful and prosperous
- the
Revised Homestead Regulations
by which entry inny b < > mailii by proxy ( on cer
tain unmlltloiiH ) , by tlm father , mother , BOH ,
iliuiulitor , brother or nlHter of Intending bomb *
sli'udrr.
Kntry fee In each case | H$10.00. Forpamphlet ,
"hunt Iint\VcKt"part ! : Icuhirii auto riitfH.riiutes ,
bcHt tlmu to go nml whcru to locate , itpply to
VT. V. BENNETT.
01 Hew York Mfe DulMInl. Oauba. Ntbriika ,
and HAY FEVER
POSITIVKhY COKED by
KINMONTM'S ASTHMA CURE
OvrrHXXj piiUc'ntnruro.1 ilurliiK tlm pant 3 years. A
Mi.nttrlU : liottlo M-nt In nny ndilrrra on ri'culnt o (
ittcls. U1C.ll.S.JUNMONTJl.AblmryrurkN.J.
with your next order of groceries and I will guarantee
that you will be better satisfied
with it than with any starch you
have ever used.
I claim that it has no superior
for hot or cold starching , and
It Will
Slick
to the
Nochcnipremiums ) tire jjivon
with WCKlANtMSTAUO1I : ,
but von CIKT DNr.-'iiniti ) noms
i on YOUK MOSUY thuu of any
oilier Imuul.
DKUANCE STAUOII costs
lOo for u lft-o/ . i > ; iclnKo ; , And I
refund your money If It
to the Iron.
Truly yours ,
JOHN ,
TUo Grocu-ymao
Will HOT
STICK TO
IHEIROH
