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About Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921 | View Entire Issue (June 11, 1908)
\ LIKE THE ORDINARY MORTAL. I High Church Dignitary Had Name to Sign to Check. A comical story is told of the arch bishop of York , who is an ardent fish erman. Not long ago ho betook him self for a few days to a llttlo Yorkshire village , which boasted a good trout stream , and put up at a clean but mod est hotel. His grace on his arrival informed the landlord who ho was , and on leav ing wrote a check for his bill and handed it to his host. The landlord closely scanned the signature and asked : "What namois this ? " "W. Ebor , " answered his grace. "Ah , " said the landlord , as ho pock eted the check , "I thought you were telling mo a falsehood when you told me you were the archbishop of York. " The man evidently did not know that an archbishop has a name like nn ordinary person. LEAP YEAR , AGAIN. T Heavy Lady Algy , for four years I have waited for this chance. Bo mine , and have all the comforts of a homer Overdoing a Fad. * Mrs. Graham is an estimable lady whose hobby is house decoration. Ono day the lady was careless enough to drink a glass of red ink , believing it to be claret. She was a good deal scared when she discovered her mis take , but no harm came to her. The doctor who was summoned , upon hear ing what had happened , dryly re marked to her : "Mrs. Graham , there's such a thing as pushing this rage for decorating interiors too far. " Omaha Directory Wholeiale and retail in yfrythlnf ( for a Gentleman's tatiln. Including Fine Imported - < ported Table Delicacies If there Is any little Item you are unable to obtain In yourllomoTown , write ui for prlceioniaiae , as nen 111 be sure to bavelt. Mull nrdeis carefully filled , , " IMPORTIHP UNO OEAICB3 IN PURE roop PRODUCTS AND TAGIC DELICACIES "UFHOHttj COURTNEY & CO. . Omnha. Nebr. PRIVATE WIRE J , E , von Dorn Commission Go , Member ChlcnRO Board of Trade and Omaha Grain Exchange. Grain , Provisions and Stocks Bought and Sold for immediate or future delivery. GRAIN BOUGHT AND SOLD in Car Lots. Track bids made on any railroad. Consignments Solicited. 7OO-7OI-776 Brandols Bids. , Omaha Tfltpboiifil HtMUoujlii lOM.nd KM. Aulo. A2231. French Suggestive Therapeut ist , graduate of six colleges. Treats all chronic diseases without - out medicine by six different methods. Office hours : 10 tc 12 a m and4to6p. rru Room 308Old Boston Store Bldg. , 120 S. 16th St. , Omaha , Nebraska. THE BRIGHTEST SPOT OH THE MAP A GOOD TLACE to Invest your money -where jou can get from 6 % to 10 % On Improved Properties Write Us How Much You Ilave to Invest HASTINGS and HEYDEH 1104Farnam St. Omaha , Hcbr. MONTE CHRISTO fiJjft nlaf "Bttttr Hun ire Btil" UHUwUlalca pound i.oxHn.1 . o lll ( U'llver tlii'Tii tii your dour. 1 > . .I.O'HICI CIS CO. , MuUern , 1SOJ ( looinl Hirrtt , Oinuliii. OMAHA TENT & AWNING GO. Tents , Awnings , etc. Largest west of Chlcapu Write for prleea 11 ml estimates before buying. Cor. llth and Harney Sts. Do You Drink Coffee Wtiy put the cheap , rank , hitter Havorvl coffee lc joaretoiimoh when pure GERMAN-AMERICAN COFFEE costs no morel Insist cm having It. Your trroccr tell ? It or can got It. Dr.s. Itallcy & Miuli , Tim 3j lllutlv tiur ror j > ax I DENTISTS ! u n d 1 a r n u in 'his ' OM MM Nt n Ik-st < > nttt ) ulllc-c in tin Middle Won U-itiistappilnticos. ' ' ; ado Jitmutrt llrastiniiblnprli.es ILES The liebt Hush Wheel Auto Uuimlxmt IT. ihe Woinl * v nil for catalog Central Implement Co , 1115 17 rnriiam struct , Omaha , Neb. Wo nro in a potltlon to pay fancy prkcs for hand sopara'ur cream at oi r Uatmn In ) onr town nr iililp Ulri'ct u , us at Uiuulm nil. lAIOOW UU.IMHU to. l > v mall nt cut prlcow. Rend for free catalogue. MYERS-DILLON DRUG CO , OMAHA , NEBR. OMAHA WOOL & STORAGE GO. SHIP YOUR to the Omaha mar' ket lo c t better L prices ami quick returns , Kef. any bank tn Omaha. VELIE WROUGHT IRON VEHICLES ASK YOUR DEALER OR JOHN DEERE PLOW CO. WATHf JALTJ GEORGE TICICELL "lo He Sick ? " HEN you'll do It , Bill , for the sake of old times ? " queried Capt. Urundago anxiously. "Yes , " said the mate , "for old times' sake and the 25 bucks you prom ised. Partlkerly for the 25 bucks. " The captain eyed him disdainfully. "if 'twas me , " ho com mented , "I'd be glad to help out u pal , even If I didn't got a cent. That's the kind of man I am. " "An' that's the kind I ain't , " re joined the mate tartly. "So mobbo you'll stow this hero morallsin' busi ness an' hand over the coin , so as everything ' 11 be accordln' to agree ment. " The skipper of the steamer Arklam muttered something uncomplimentary under his breath , ' but producing a bulky pocketbook extracted several bills therefrom and passed them to the mate , who thrust them Into his pocket and faced his superior with a satisfied smirk. "Now that's settled , lot's run over your scheme again , so as I can get my right bearin's , " ho said pleas antly. "When wo get to Buffalo you fix yourself up with a phony beard an' wig , an' if Miss Antrim comes askln" for you I'm to tell her Capt. Brundago died werry sudden In Chicago , an' there's a new skipper In charge. " "Don't forget as I'm supposed to bo deaf and dumb , " warned the cap tain. "If she once heard my voice it 'ud queer the whole game. " "Oh , aw right , " responded the mate. "Only she must be a bigger fat-head than she looks if she swallows that. Who'd over believe as a company 'ud ? .lre a deaf dummy for captain of a big steam freighter ? " "She's got to believe it , " returned the captain. "Anyway , If she sees me at all , it'll be only for a few min utes , and the news of my death 'ill upset her so that she won't stop to figure out them llttlo details. " "It wouldn't upset me , " retorted the mate. "Scorns like she oughtcr be Joyful to hear it , if she's got any Bense. " "That'll be all from you , " growled Brundago In high dudgeon. "Just hold your jaw and do as you're told. " Shortly after the Arklam tied up at the Buffalo docks she was boarded by a buxom young damsel with a de termined chin and a pair of snappy black eyes. The watchful mate greeted her at the gang plank , and she acknowledged the salutation with a gracious smile. "Good morning , Mr. Prout , " she said. "Is Capt. Brundago around ? " The mate twisted his features Into a becoming semblance of grief. "I'm sorry to say that I've got bad news for you , Miss Antrim , " was the response. He hesitated and shook his head sadly. "What's the trouble ? " inquired the girl , her face a shade paler at the sight of the mate's dolorous visage. "Is ho sick ? " "Worse than that , miss , " returned the mate in a hoarse whisper. "He's worry bad that is , I mean ho ain't now. lie's gone , miss , gone for ever. " The girl drew a sharp breath. "What ! " she gasped , "you don't mean to say " "That lie's dead , miss ; yes , that's It , an' sorry I am to toll you. " Miss Antrim dabbed a handkerchief hastily across her eyes. "How did It happen ? " she asked. "Why , he he was all right when he left hero on his last voyage. " "Step into the cabin , " requested the wily Mr. Prout , "an' I'll tell you all about it. " The girl followed him , and seating herself , prepared to listen to the mate's doleful narrative. In accordance with the Inst actions of ds chief , Mr. William Prout gave a very affecting sketch of the inci dents relative to the former's ami- don demise , due , as ho declared , to achlll _ followed by an attack of pneu- THE DUPING OF POLLY monla which had carried off the vic tim In record time. Miss Polly Antrim listened with an odd gleam In her intelligent eyes. "Wasn't there that is didn't ho leave n message or anything of that kind for me ? " she demanded , when the mate had finished his melancholy recital. "Oh , yes , " replied Mr. Prout hur tled ! } ' . "Tho poor chap sent you hla love , an" an' hoped you'd meet him In heaven " ho concluded in u burst of inspiration. Polly Antrim glanced at the mate with tightened lips. "Very nice of him , " she commented coolly. "Who did you say took his place ? " "Capt. Chester , " returned Prout. "Nothing like poor Brundage , though , he ain't. " "I should like to see him , " said sorted the captain. "It bouts all the shine so many of these Rlrla take to me. Can't understand why they do It , " "Neither can I , " agreed the mate , savagely. "It ain't your beauty , I'll Bwoar. Mobbo It's the lies you tell 'oni. Some women go daffy over a slack-mouthed liar. " "That's not the point , " returned BLimdagy , KOiuly. "There's only ono way to square It. Wo don't carry passengers us a rule , and she'll likely bo the only ono aboard. What you've got to do now Is pass the word to the crew to keep their mouths shut , and I'll keep up this deaf and dumb racket. She'll never know mo In this rlgt 'specially if I only show up after dark. " "And who's to stand your watches ? " demanded the mate. "Think I'm a "She'll Never Know Me In This Rig. " Miss Antrim. "Perhaps he could tell me something more about Jim. " "Not him , " responded the mate , has tily. "He didn't know Jim Brundage , an' , anyways , " ho added ns an after thought , "this hero Chester's deaf an' dumb ; can't speak a word. " A look of Intense surprise deepened on his hearer's countenance. "Deaf and dumb ! " she repeated. "Why , good gracious ! how can a deaf mute bo captain of a steamer ? " The mate's face flushed. "It's this way , " he explained. "His uncle's the main guy of the Sherlock Navigation Company , an' ho gave Chester the job. Ho ain't much of a sailor , an' all the work falls on me. " The girl eyed him steadily. "All the same , " she remarked calmly , "I'm bound to see him , for I've made up my mind to go to Chicago on the Arklam. " Mr. Prout uttered a horrified ex clamation. "Hack on the Arklam ! ho repeated. "What for ? " "To visit Jim's grave , " responded the artless Miss Antrim. "It's the least I can do under the circumstances. And It'll bo a sort of consolation to sail on the boat ho used lo command , poor follow. " "Well , Capt. Chester's ashore just now , " declared the mate , desperately. "That doesn't matter , I'll see him later , " she said , airily. "I'm going home now to pack my things and get icady. " Much aghast at this unexpected turn of fortune's wheel , Mr. Prout sought the presence of his chief , who had prudently remained in seclusion during Miss Antrim's visit. Capt. Brundago , resplendent In a false beard and wig of Inky blackness , as sumed to deceive his lady love's pene trating optics In ca&b she Insisted upon a porfaonal Interview , received his olllcor's tidings with a violent ex plosion of highly ornamental pro fanity. "You've bungled the whole business , you nigger-headed swab ! " ho said , heatedly. "What the blue blazes are wo to do now ? If that girl ever lands In Chicago and finds out I'm alive and have a wife and four kids , there'll bo the devil to pay. " " "Taln't my fault , " protested th < > mate , sullenly. "What business had you to make love to her ? Might have known thoro'd bo trouble. " "I wasn't all to blame , Dill , " as- blasted horse to bo doing the woik of two men ? Anyhow , she'll bo put wise when tihe reaches Chicago. " "Well , it'll give mo time to think the matter over , " said Brundage , hopefully. "You can stand the day watches and I'll como on at night. " Mr. Prout entered a vigorous pro test , but In the end his superior's ar gument prevailed , and he hastened to give the necessary Instructions to the members of the crow. True to her word , Miss Polly Antrim Installed her self as sole passenger on the Arklam , and the mate proceeded to map out a long and difllcult course of deception for what promised to bo a memorable voyage. Capt. Brundago , In the role of the silent Chester , passed mubter before the girl's eyes In highly creditable fashion. She made no sign of recog nition , and he reflected that the stage inu&t have lost a shining light through his failing to perceive that natuio had clearly Intended him for an actor. To Mr. Prout fell the agreeable task of entertaining the fair passenger , who exhibited a liveliness of spirit not wholly In keeping with the sorrow of a maiden whom death had deprived of a lover. In fact , the mate , being a singln man in the -s:5y thirties , found himself yielding to the witchery ol her black oycH , and Inwaidly congrat ulated himself upon the happy chance which had thrown them together. On the second day Capt. IJrumlago saw fit to take the amorous Mr. Prout aside and expostulate with him on the too evident partiality ho displayed foi Miss Polly's society. The mate 11s toned to Ills remonbtrances and tlioi Indulged In a line burst of longshore rhetoric , liberally flavored with harsl expletives. "A nice party you arc , " ho con eluded , "to como glvin" mo advice Wet is It to you If the girl's took a fancy to mo ? Ueg'lar dog In the manger gor , that's wet you are. Don't wan her yourself an' can't bear to see any one else got her. For two pins l' < blow the whole game , an' thet whero'd you be ? " "I was speakln' for your good , Bill , ' pleaded the crestfallen captain. "Yoi don't know wet an artful dame she is. " "j .n' > how about yourself ? " the mate. "You'ro a line hearted innocent to preach about art fulneaa. Anyway the jig 'ill be ui "That Done " vlitm wo make port an * she goes luntln' for your grave. " "That's so , " agreed Bruudage , do- ectcdly. "Wo got to think that over , 3111. " "Think It over yourself , " retorted the aggrieved Mr. Prout ; "but don't como any nousenso over me , for I won't stand 11. " The Arklam wan ncarlng Chicago wliou Capt. Brundago , sitting alone n his cabin and figuring desperately on Homo means of escape from the lot fate had thrown around him , ookcd up In surprlso as Miss Polly entered and closed the door behind her with an emphatic Blam. That done , aho bat down and nurvoycd her ( lupndam suitor with malicious oyca. Urundago stared back with a sickly smile , wondering Inwaidly what her visit might portend , lie was not loft long In doubt. She suddenly stretched forth a slim , white hand , and lore the black beard from his face. Then she sot her llttlo foot upon It and spoke with much unction. "What an awful silly you arc , Jim Brundago , to think that you could pull the wool over my eyes. " The captain wagged his head dis mally. "All right , Polly , " ho said , "you've got mo beat. What do you reckon to do ? " ' "If I was a man , " said the girl , scornfully , "I'd thrash you well , but I suppose I must get satisfaction an other way. What hurts mtf most Isn't your falseness , but the Idea that you considered mo such a fool. I've found out all about you , and unless you want your wlfo to know every thing , you'll do as I .say. "When you passed yourself off as a single man you showed mo your bankbook and calculated that $500 would start us nicely In housekeeping. Now , when wo reach Chicago , Jimmy dear , you'll go straight to the bank , draw $250 , and hand it over to mo. Then I'll miy good-by and you can thank your stars for gutting oft so easily. " The unmasked conspirator swore bitterly and protested fervently , but Miss Polly was adamant and ho finally agreed to her terms. Ills disclosure to Mr. Prout of the conditions upon which ho had surrendered was re cclved by that unfeeling seaman with a hearse laugh , which was distinctly aggravating to his commander's trou bled mind. The Arklam lay at the Clark street dock with Miss Antrim seated In the captain's cabin placidly awaiting his return from the bank. Besldo her laughed Mr. William Prout , smoking the pipe of peace. Brundago enteret with a look of Intense gloom over shadowing his countenance , and slg nalcd the mate to retire. Miss Polly waved her hand In dissent. "Stay wheic you are , " she said , go nlally. "Count out the money , Jim and hurry up. " The mate grinned broadly as his skipper lugged out the woll-knowi poeketbook , and , sighing deeply , hand ed ? 250 In United States currency to his female Nemesis. Polly beamoi graciously upon the uncheerfiil giver "That's a good boy , Jim , " HIO ! said sweetly , "and now we'll go ashore happy. By the way , It may Interos you to know that Mr. Prout and mean to set up housekeeping on the stiength of your kind gift. " The captain's emotion was too deoj for mere words to oxpioss. Ho rose to his foot , still staling helplessly , as Mlb-a Antrim , leaning on the arm o the gratified mate , tripped merrily along the gang plank to the whurf- ( Copyrlght , by W. O. Chapman ) Editor Appointed Director-General. Gen. James Evelyn Pllcher , editor o the Military Surgeon , is the now dlroc tor-general of the National Volunteo Emergency corps. The corps was or ganlzed in 1900 , to render aid In time of national calamity or in the event o war. The corps la now being reorganized - organized on the lines of the medical rnrps of the United States army. A KENTUCKY CAQU. That Will Interest All Suffering Women. Mrs. Della Meanes , 328 E. Front St. , Maysvlllo , Ky. , anys ! "Seven years ago I began to notlco Bharp pain la the kldnoys and a bear * ing down sensation through the hips , dull hcndacho and dizzy spoils. Dropsy appeared , and my feet and ankles swelled so I could not got my shoes on. I was iu misery , and had despaired ot over getting cured when I dccldojl to ry Doan's Kidney Pills. Ono box helped mo so much that I kept on until en tirely cured. " Sold by all dealers , GO cents a box. Foster-Mllburn Co. , Buffalo , N. Y. KNEW WHAT THE JOB MEANT. Angry Citizen Put Ordeal Up to Street Car Company. Not long ago thorn entered the offlci of the superintendent of a trolley line In Detroit an angry citizen , demand ing "Justice" in no uncertain terms. In response to the official's gentle Inquiry touching the cause of the de mand , the angry citizen explained that on the day previous as his wlfo was boarding ono ot the company's cars , the conductor thereof had ntcppod on his spouso's dress , tearing from it moro than a yard of material. "I can't see that wo arc to blame for that , " protested the superintendent. "What do you expect us to do , got her n now dress ? " "No , sir , I do not , " rejoined the angry citizen , brandishing a piece of cloth. "What I propose Is that you people nlmll match tills material. " Harper's Weekly. IS IT POSSIBLE ? "And who were the people who flrst thought of music , uuntlo ? " "Why , child , they are considered to bo prehistoric. " "Oh , auntie , how wclj you do re- membort" Dispenser of Kisses. A Frenchman , who apparently boa been amusing hlmsolf by reckoning up the number of kisses ho 1ms given his wlfo during the first 20 years of his married llfo. Ho finds that In the flrst year ho dispensed about 100 kisses a day , or , say , allowing for birthdays and legal and church holidays , about 36,700 in the year. In the second year this number was reduced by half , and la the third year to ten a day , while in the fifth year his bettor half had to bo content with two a day , ono In the morning and ono In the evening. What happened after the fifth year Is "wrappod in mystery , " but at the same rate of "progression" ho prob ably arrived eventually at ono klsa on the first of January every leap year. Chicago American. THE FIRST TASTE Learned to Drink Coffee When a Baby. If parents realized the fact that cof fee contains a drug caffeine which is especially harmful to children , they would doubtless hesltnte before giv ing the babies coffee to drink. "When I was a child In my mother's arms and first began to nibble things at the table , mother used to give mo ulps of coffee. As my parents used coffee exclusively at meals I never knew there was anything to drink but coffee and water. "And BO I contracted the coffee habit early. I remember when quite young , the continual use of cuffeo so affected my parents that they tried roasting wheat and barley , then ground it in the coffee-mill , as a substitute for coffeo. "But It did not taste right and they went back to coffee again. That was long before Postum was ever heard of. I continued to use coffee until I was 27 , and when I got into office work , I be gan to have nervous spells. Especially after breakfast I was so nervous I jould scarcely attend to my corre spondence. "At night , after having coffee for supper , I could hardly sleep , and on rising in thu morning would fool weak and nervous. "A friend persuaded mo to try Post- urn. My wife and I did not like it at flrst , but later when boiled good and strong it was fine. Now wo would not glvo up Postum for the best coffee wo over tasted. "I can now get good sloop , am free from nervousness and headaches. I recommend Postum to all coffee drink , t-rs. trs."There's " ' " "There's a Reason. Name given by Postum Co. , Battle Creek , Mich. Read "The Road to Well- vllle , " in pkgs. 4 Ever read the above letter ? A new one appears from time to time. They are genuine , true , and full of human Intsrut * i