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About Hemingford herald. (Hemingford, Box Butte County, Neb.) 1895-190? | View Entire Issue (April 15, 1898)
THE HERALD. T. J.O'KEEFE, Publisher. 1IEMINGF0KD, - NEBRASKA NEBRASKA NEWS. Miss Flcdn Mnckle of Osceola fell and bioke her forearm. Judge Tlbbctts has not yet filed his report of the hearing on tho "charges" filed nnd lied from by "Dr" Rosewatcr against three members of the Omaha fire nnd police board. Tho transcript of the testimony has not yet been com pleted by George Corcoran, the stcno irraphcr who took It. A large barn, about tho best building ftt Grand Island on the Hall county fair grounds, was destroyed by fire. There was no insurance. Tho bnrn Is the property of Mr. Tarbox. Tho Iobo Is perhaps TOO. The origin of the fire Is suposcd to He In tramps building a fire In tho barn. John Northcutt, an need farmer living twelve miles cast of Humboldt, died on Sunday and was burled from tho Btratton Baptist church. Mr. Northcutt had been a resident of Richardson county for the last thirty years and was nearly 93 years of age at the time of his death. Ho leaves a son In this city who 1b about 70 years old. Bcllevue college reopened with a good attendance present and all the faculty, na President Kerr returned Saturday from the cast, where he hns been solic iting funds for the Institution. W. E. Hannan of the sophomore class, has been chosen to represent the college at the state oratorical contest, to be held at Crete April 8. A son of W. II. Hawlcy of Elkhorn township was accidentally shot and killed while out hunting with several other boys. The accident occurred about elx miles cast of this city. Coroner Martin was notified this morning and an Inquest will bo held this afternoon. The boy was about 15 years old. The triennial social and banquet of Wood Itlver, Blbbon, Ravenna and Bhclton lodges, Knights of Pythias, was held at Sholton. Over fifty members were In attendance. Secret work was conferred In two degrees first nnd sec ondafter which an elegant supper was served. "Wilcox and community Is raising a donation of $2,000 for tho erection of a flouring mill, which is to cost when completed $12,000. Orr Bros, of Clay Center are tho prospective parties. There Is no doubt but tho necesary amount will be raised. W. II. Ackerman, a prominent farmer and stock raiser residing four miles southwest of Stanton, while trying to catch a colt on the farm of II. N. "Way. two and one-half miles south of there, was kicked over the stomach and Instantly killed. Mr. Ackerman leaves a wife and seven children In good cir cumstances. Phillip R. Illldobrnnd of Hartlngton was sentenced to six years In the peni tentiary on the charge of Incest. This case was to have been tried last term, but the main witness was spirited away out was found In Knox county by tho sheriff and brought back. Hildebrand 1b 68 years of ago and served In tho war, three months of which were spent In Llbby prison. William A. Norton, an old and re spected citizen of Arlington, died from heart failure. Mrs. L. L. Lease, his daughter, with whom ho lived, went to the postofllce, a distance of two blocks, nnd left the otd gentleman Bitting In his nrm chair rending, In apparently good health. On her re turn In a very few minutes he was In tho same poslton, with the exception that the book ho wns reading was on the floor nnd his heart had stopped beating, Congressman Stark of the Fourth Ne braska dlhtilct has named Henry Leo Bowlby of Crete, ion of C. J. Bowlby, owner of the Democrat of that place, to be cadei at West Point. Henry Bowlby will go to Fort Crook tomorrow to take the physical examination. He Is at present a student at the state university, and If tho physical test Is satisfactory he will report at the Point next Juno for examination for admission to tho academy. Lemuel L. Grlgg of Osceola Is named by Con gressman Stark as alternate. A meeting preliminary to the organi zation of the proposed enlistment of tho able-bodied citizens who wish to testify their willingness to bear arms In case of war, as proposed by the pro moters of the volunteer reserve organi zation, was held ut Q. A. R. hall in Lincoln. The officers of the Grand Army of the Republic are actively en gaged in putting In operation the plan proposed and the original proposers of the scheme are old soldiers of the late war. These, themselves, will not be expected to sign the rolls, as the blanks call for those between the ages of 18 and 45, and mast of the members of the Grand Army of the Republic or those who served In the wnr of the re bellion are older than that. The old soldiers, however, are ready to take whatever part in the matter of defen sive or offensive war they are fitted for and their organization, It has been understood from the first, would be utilized to get the enlistment blanks properly distributed and collected. A tramp, who gave his name as Homer Williams, was arrested at Wood River nnd brought to Grand Island for a preliminary hearing on the charge of shooting with Intent to kllL Last Saturday afternoon 5. F. Shlpton, re siding near Wood River, was at work In the field near his house. A little daughter was alone In the house. She had noticed a man lying alongside the railroad track and watched him. He started to come toward the house nnd she locked herself In n bedroom. The tramp entered the house, after which she made her exit through an open window and ran to the field to notify her fnther. The latter went to the barn, took down an old musket, which was loaded but had no cap, and entered the house. The tramp hud hidden In a bedroom and when the farmer en tered the same the stranger drew his revolver and pulled the trigger. For tunately the cartridge failed to ex plode. The farmer managed to throw the tramp out of the house, and after the fellow had moved away some dis tance he again turned and shot in the direction of Mr. Shlpton. This time the cartridge discharged Its bullet and tt came whizzing uncomfortably close .o Mr. Shlpton. The latter followed the tramp until Wood River was reached.when the marshal of the village arrested the man. He has been bound over to the district court In the sum of $1,000, and was, of course, unable io furnish bonds. PROSPERITY FOR TRUSTS. March vis an eventful month in lho Staggering nnd lurching about tho old history of tniHts. J. Plerputit Morgan squatter's front ynrd wns a thin nnd celebrated the first nnnlveisary of tho slckly-looklng mule, nnd now nnd thon new administration by consummating the nntmnl would start In to utter a plans for a gigantic w ire combine, tho orny and stop In such a sudden wny capital stock of which will lie placed , u,at It was more like the sound of a at not less than JfiO.O'W.ow. A material Hon's attempt to get out a roar. It advance In the price of wire nails Im-j Was such a queer, uncanny scund that mediately followed the at.iioUncement.ji 8p0ke to the squatter about it ono This month also saw the formation day, and he looked over at the mulo of the hay trust, which proposes to f0r awhile and then said. control the product of Illinois. Indiana, "That was another of Colonel Bunk Ohio nnd Michigan. The capital stacker's Ideas, and it was a dead failure, is $5,000,000. All the big Indivldunl hay , Three months ago that was one of the companies in the territory named nro sleekest, slickest mewls In till the state to sell their business outright to tho 0f Arkansaw, and a dozen men was trust, which In future will buy all tho Wnin to pny down $125 fur him. No hny worth having In the slates and set body would gin $10 fur him today." the price and control the sale of every jie seems to havo the blind Btng ton or lond of It. Where Is the "In- gers," I said. dependent" farmer now? F, W. Llpe, "tt ntn't no blind staggers, Bah, but tho originator of the scheme, apolo- jffl j,8 fccliu'H. That yero mewl is glzes for It In the following fashion: jCBt dyn' by Inches of a broken heart. "Tho hoy business as It stands at i never stopped to think that mewls the present time is so demoralized that hn,i feclln's to bo hurt 'till I begun it Ib Impossible for any shipper to make . practlcln' on him. He's a Uvln' exam anything out of It. It stands wlthlpic that a mewl knows when he ain't yourselves whether you redeem your got a far Bhow. One day last spring, lost cause or allow It to sink Into ob- wnen that critter was out yere klckin' llvlon. Now Is the time to act. Many up j,3 neei nnd almost Jerkin' his other kinds of business havo been ears ofr, Kurnel Bunker cum along and forced Into combinations or to pool Btopped fur a drink. The kurnel Is their Interests. Recently the wire mills BuU5 thirsty 'bout the time he gits have been forced Into what Is termed along yere. Arter he'd taken a drink ho a 'trust.' The cause of this wus that hooks at that mewl and says: the Btnall manufacturers cut the prico '"Abe Hone, the Btate of Arkansaw on tho wire until the profit was en-is tlrelv lost in tho competition. Their only remedy wns to control the product, which they will do from this time on." Then there Is tho proposed peanut trust, the object of which will be to control all the peanut cleaning fac tories In the country, eighteen in Vir ginia nnd seven in the west. It nlso contemplates, If successful, the clos ing up of those factories not paying or unnecessary und a general cutting of expenses. It will not be long before we will be eating trustified sardines. The Brook lln Packing company of Brooklln, Me., has an option on all the sardine fac tories In that state for un English syndicate representing a capital of $3, 000,000. mm MoKlnloy's Child Orator Starving It Is sad to think that little Willie Rodney, aged 7, Is starving to death while William McKlnley, the man ho helped to elect. 8 cat'"K dlnncra at m nor ulate Little Willie Is tho boy oratoPr who astonished and delighted rniifnminrm with hlB snecchcs and pre- : national honor last election time. In his clear childish treble, Willie, perched finnn an Imnrovlsed nlatform. drew , .liiBtrv of nillis teeming with brawny- SmeTaKSppK lULiui iL'a avutiiuiih w..n-- -.r - SggmScMs :,n ,"' ; ,.i ovn ivo.l.ln-the-wool ;"--n.r;: .v.;t wor shaken m his mother sat lit her pretty rosecov !d!?0 KJ" S,nnv auorLnaoUnrmafo? 2iu"iB ""."- - ' n thnso hannv I1I5I CLULIuua ou... --. -.-"- days a mother pittance back ntnnt ..ted meat for many a long day. They owttcntho nsteo It V, 111.. nnd darned from head to foot. New uiuuBua .in" """""- -7- : ' xt,., , Time, Child Llfo In China. We have all heard, In a general way, of the cruelty of the Chinese In sum- r-n,. ,1 1 annul n ir nf their diseased chll- ' . . . . i. !..,.. V drcn and girl oaoies. just nu muui truth there may be In such stories we have probably never taken the trouble . to Inquire, but now comes a traveler from the land of slanting eyes nnd pig- tails whose account of tho attitude of llmUnil mnrantnl iiiuiivu i....n....... --------.- - , the fathers love tneir itiitc onus, aim lavish upon them many caresses. Tho babies are pretty creatures and bright and Intelligent. Many of the children attend the Amerlcnn mission schools, nnd imrents of the heathen faith, says our informant, allow their children to go to the "white devils" because of tho advantage they gain In learning Kng- llsh He does admit, however, that tho little girls In China are less happy than the boys being compelled, much as they are In our own country among .1.. i... .inuoa tn rnrrv nbout with them a great baby, who Is more of a weight than her little arms and body can rightly support. Fod Their Young. n.nnovivfinln fnrinor. while cut .i ,..h onw two foxes remaining near a fallen tree. Upon approaching the tree he discovered a largo limb with a cavity. In which were two half- crown foxes. Neither was able to walk and evidently had never been out of their place of imprisonment. It seems probable that the foxes crawled Into the hole in the limb when very young and remained there until they . .... i t-t l'atent learner auppera Ka.i. ... style. Fashionable bootmakers say that they are to be worn with everything this summer, from white duck suits to ball gowns. They are modish and make the feet look well. Kvery sw-eet has its bitter, however, even when It comes to footgear. Patent leather Is the cold- est of all leathers In winter and the hottest of all In summer. Chiropodists say that It has thrown as much busl- Fnto noof'luUst0" S?t 'women win ' Two men driving furiously north on Garfleld avenuo In a buggy In Kansas City ran over and seriously Injured Mrs. Mary Herr. After Mrs. Herr had been knocked down and was lying un- conscious In the street, the men Jumped In the buggy and drove on, without waiting to see how badly the woman had been hurt. She was picked up and carried into a drug store, where Drs. C. V. nnd E. V. Wedding attended her. The doctors pronounced Mrs. Kerr's in- Juries serious, if not fatal. She was Injured internally, and her left hip was badly dislocated. She was removed to her home after the physicians had examined her, where she Is now lying la a critical condition. Sf WUHeUsSe beVonS 1 ?s home and "nued the old man. "and I sorter felt S-ViVi? pS. nfS2r Thorn was .bound to do sunthln'. I knowed the u!". """. "";r.I" ," wmio'o Kurnel was rlcht 'bout thnt hrnvin- ?. S&.?r aty Wstair u? && SZ . m..l.. UMlllrt'a - lWlUb kilt: lilll I1M.H LTIlt in and Willie MS I HVins : in .a . areury u,ea ,ke a Md ,, 0, --"; "SKUSr Voher nor chUd has ---ork.n' on it, . If he couldn't Chinese parents towaru ineir uubijuhb "j mun, numun uu cmiu in me nuu Is aulte at variance with some of tho keiury will be speukin' yo'r name and things we havo heard. He says that blesslii' yo'r genius.' tho little Chinese are the objects of un- "That's the way he talked, sah," said iiovotlon: esnec ally uo me squaiier. "ana or co'so I felt n. hit had grown, so mai escape wus uuua- - ..-. ... .....w. . . Bible They had been fed by the old rumpus. It wasn't no use, though. Ho foxes through a very small aperture couldn't bray without llftln' his tall, f .,r Vili. b and no mewl kin lift his tall with a ill mi; inn". THE.MUSIC OF THAT MULE. achln' to build ye a monument fifty feet high, nnd to call yo' the peartest man bo'n doorln the last COO y'ars.' " 'Fur why,' says I. " 'Fur the reason that it's In yo'r power to mnke this hull southern kent ry a Garden of Eden. Thnr's that mewl o' yours out thar'. He's slick and Bleek. He's purty and he's useful. He's one of the two mlllyun mewls In the south. They add to our value and our pros perity, and wo couldn't get along with out 'em. Thar's Jest one drawback, however. The mewl won't low like a cow or neigh like a boss. He'a got a brny of his own, and lt'a a dawg-gone, pesky noise that makes wlmen shiver and men cuss. If tho mewl could bo got to sing or whistle or keep still, this southland would bo the paradise of the world.' " 'And what hev I got to do with it7' sez I. " 'A heap,' sez the Kurnel. 'Yo've got a mewl; yo've got land; yo've got time ? H.ands- Whnt y?' want to do ,3 $ dlsklver a way to stop the critters . u8n e bray ' th,e mewl t!lat B keepln' northern capital outer ersfrom m.ttin? in ?i JSn.?,IefvJ" e.rs rrom Pu"ln In the winter months d.ow ycro ,n varus hotels. Abe Hope, at5;0', she a-foelln and hopln' that Khfm' "P SU nd 81Ve tMa SH iE "uu" "1 "Ke a cow or sing out like a B. nouuy a Qf a gu stopped to bray. he. fust move was to lift his tall. fn.nl8.ie way .with every mewl bo'n a Vope and a brick to ttaf crtttirt tlll tne fo thatccrttt.rt seen ai once, ills ears llanued. his eyes got heavy, and he didn't do no mo' prancin' around. Once In awhile, fur the fust day he'd start to bray, but by the time he got his mouth open ho remembered tho brick, und tho only Bound that come out was a sort o' sigh. i ocm woru io ivurnet liunKer by one o' f!rl -! 'a til nnH,i ..l . i v.w.uu.iD ibbus, uuu m Kurnet cum over and looked ut the critter fur a while and then said: " 'Abe Hope, I'm goln' to start right out tomorrer to raise subscriptions fur that monument, fur within ten days ,1(V.i .... t i , ...... .,:.. T .." h"vu ut.. j. nuum uiui ioiks nau oin at work fur a hundred y'ars to stop the bray of a mewl, and beln' I was the fust to find out how, I had a right to feel proud. The kurnel said that the problem had bin solved. So long 'as a mewl's tall could bo held down . he couldn't btay. When he was In harness It could be held down; when he was In the stable a rope and a brick would do the blzness." "Well, how did It work?" I queried, as the old man mude a long pause. I "Mighty auare iniKthy ouare." he finally replied. "Arter a day that mewl i bejrun to show that his feellln's was hurt. He Just stopped and looked down at the alrth In a lonesome, homesick way, and now and then when he turned his eyes on me, I could see tears In 'em. Tne oio woman thought that shettln' off his bray so mighty sudden would Bin him the colic or sunthln', but 1 was determined to hang right to it. I put him in the shed and kept the brick to his tall, and things was so quiet that night that we almost got skeered. Next day that mewl got ugly about It. He was bo'n to bray, and he Just luved the sound of hs own voice. He wasn't goln' to lose It without a fout, and six-pound brick tied to it. When that rtiit1 llrtfillir rrln nn li 1 a tnio f ntn a - iii to" utm i vv) uroke The oIe Woman looks him over ana gay8. .. ,Abe Il0ne( mebbe yo' and Kurnell BunUer j8 tne two peartest chaps in Arj ansaw, but I don't believe It.' .. .Haln-t we solved the problem?" I 8ays ,. .Yo.ve stopped that mewl from brayln', shore nuff, but yo've ulso bro- ken hIg neart IIe.n never b no . ood ag a crtter.' " , "And U that the result?" I asked as I bones. ...phat'B the result, sah. Jest as soon as I stopped his bray he lost his appe- tite and umblshun. I couldn't git him to trot under saddle, and he wouldn't puil an empty cart In harness. I took the brick off his tall arter a while, but it was no use. He'd bin insulted and injured, and he couldn't git over It. ne was a mighty healthy mewl, and it takes him a long time to die, but the end is purty nigh yere." "And what did Colonel Buhker say about it?" "Skassly nuthln sah. He cum over and took a drink and looked at the brick and at the mewi's tall, and he couldn't make it out. I reckon nobody can't Bee th good of a mewl's bray nd why It should hurt him to stop It, "Tlin .l. aA 1 il I II nil T imitttr mlmt V. . tl 1 . . but I'm tellln yo' Just how It all wbb. If a man wns forbid to put his hnnds In hlii pockets or whistle, mebbe it would net on him Jest the same." "Ami what did you say to Colonel Bunker?" "Shussly nuthln, sah skassly nuth ln'. I Jest looked fioni him to tho brick and the mewi's tull and back and Bays. " 'Kurnel, yo' needn't ralnd fussln' around thnt monument fifty teet high.' " 'Fur why?' says he. " 'Fur the renson that I don't want people lookln' up at It and axln' what fule raised the money to build It, and what other fule It wus built fur.' " JOSH BILLINGS' PHILOSOPHY Goor luk haz ruined mere men than bad luk ever haz. Those people who fish for others aro the most apt to be caught themselfs. The grate art of conversashun Iz to kno when to llBten and when to talk. Sho me the vainest man yu kan find, and I will sho you one that beats nltn. Thare ure no ones who git so tired nnd disgusted with themselfs az the lazy do. Fame that yu kan't make yure bred und butter out ov, Iz a kussed poor Investment. 1 have seen people so nicely ballanced In their constitutions that they waz perfeckly happy, and didn't kno It. Sekrets are a grate bore. We entrust them to others, not so much for safe keeping as to get rid of them. Menny a man haz cast the lead to find the depths ov misery; but git down az low us yu kan yu will find others belo yu. I have studied sumtlme onto It, und kan't tell yet, whether the most blund ers we make cums from the hed or the heart. He who nlwuss wntches the suckcess of others, nnd then hurrys to drop hlz hook Into the same hole, seldom bags much fish. All mankind luv to be cheated, and about the only shrewdness enny ov them sho, Is to Insist upon being cheatde in their own way. The name ov Alexander will last az long az the name of Washington; this shows that thare are devlish few heros az well as sulnted ones. REFLECTIONS OF A ACHELOR A husband Is a thing which is always away Just when Its wife wants to con sult It. Whenever a girl tells a new man that she never has known what love Is she tries to blush. There are some Ideas which a woman can never express properly except with her mouth full of hairpins. When a girl acts absoibed and Inter ested In another girl's love confidences she Is only doing It so the other one will when It Is her turn. If Indian squaws were civilized they would keep pictures of men thrown around their rooms with things written on the back instead of scalps. A girl's heart can generally be sliced up so It will go around among any num ber, like a pie when there is company nnd your wife Is nfraid your children will overeat themselves. WHY? Why Is It that fast colors never run? Why Isn't finding a diamond hard lut.-? Why can't a painting be hanged until after It Is executed? Why doesn't some actor attempt tho role of a steamship? Why does one man ask another what time it is, if time will tell? Why It Is impossible to meet an old lady who never had a love affair? Why don't women use fishing-smacks when they are angling for husbands? Why shouldn't beer drinkers bo ar rested for blowing the top off of schooners? Why don't glrl3 employed In match factories get married sooner than other girls? Why Is It that men always look at the face of a bride and women at her clothes? Prattle of tho Youngsters. "If you are a good boy, Johnny, you will surely go to heaven." "That's what you told me last year. I'd rather you'd promise me a goat this year." Mr. Kidder Johnny, the antrola brought you a baby brother last night. Little Johnny (whose nose Is out of Joint) Hun! wish I'd been awake. I'd have pounded the stuflln' out of them angels. Nurse Nettle, what does the bird In the clock mean when it says "cuckoo" eight times? Nettle( who Is put to bed at 8) I dess it means 'e nest is weddy. His Mother (profoundly shocked) Johnny, Johnny! You will break my heart! That Is the most dreadful lan guage I ever heard a little boy usel Johnny We're playing street cars, mamma, I'm the motorman an' Ben's drlvin' a coal wagon an' won't get out o' my way. Annie was a polite little miss of 6 years and when one of her little play mates told her thut she hnd been con fined to the house for two days with the toothache, Annie said: "I'm Just awfully sorrp, for you must have en Joyed a great deal of pain, didn't you, Katie?" "Now, by son," began the father the next morning. "Never mind the lecture, pop. Didn't you ever paint the town?" "Well, my boy, It's a great many years ago at least fifty." "Fifty years, pop! Don't you think the town needed another coat?" It was Nellie's first day at school and Just before dismissing the pupils for the day the teacher called the roll and each little boy und girl In attend ance promptly unswered "present." When Nellie's name was called among tho last, she said; "Please, ma'am I didn't know we had to bring presents, but I'll bring one tomorrow." "The boys have the war fever much worse than the men," explained the clerk in the adjutant general's office of the war department to a Washington Star correspondent, "if we can Judge from the number of letters we are now receiving from persons who want to 'do Spain,' as several of them have put It. For every letter we have re ceived from men we have received three from boys. They want to enlist as trumpeters, buglers, drummers or any thing else they can do. The boys who live In seaport towns Incline to the navy generally, but the boys from the country want to do ben Ice In the army. It happens.however.that as far as boys are concerned we can do nothing for them. The navy takes boys In their apprentice and training ships, though there are at all times twenty times as many applicants as there are places for them. The army, even If on war footing, never enlists boys under 18 years of age. Of late years the boy has dropped out as a drummer, for at every post there Is a band, which does away with the necessity of drummers." All fungi. says"professor Jelllffe are botanical beasts of prey. The types that live upon the human body are the germs that produce choltra, ty phoid fever, consumption, etc. Yeajt lives upon the flour and sugar in the process of bread making, molds upon fruits, preserves, etc. Toadstools and mushrooms, the higher fungi, live on decayed vegetable and animal matter DUNUER museum. I like der public to remember about my museum. She vhns In two pieces. One piece vhns a snloon In chnrge of my son Shake, und der odder vhas dot museum mltout any lager beer. Each vhas a separate place, and you didn't hnf to pny noddlngs to look nroundt. I hnf some 'rubbles mlt my Stuffed Hon. I put a sign on him: "Der king of beasts," und last week a man comes In und looks aroundt und looks ugly und says: "I vhas no mans to take n bluff! Who told you dot lion vhas der king of der beasts." "I read It mlt some books." "Vhell, I dispute Itl Take off dot sign or I shall knock him out In one round I I vhas der king of peasts my Belf. I tried to arisue mlt him dot he vhas no beast, but he kicks dot Btuffed Hon all oafer my museum, und den cuts off his tall and walks away mlt It. For feefty dollur I buys a wax figure of Napoleon crossing of der Albs. He vhas clllmblng up mlt his feet und waving a flag In his hnnd, und It glfs me grent pleasure dot all der peoples praise him. More ash one tousand peo bles vhas delighted vhen a young man comes In rnlt a back eye und Hmp3 aroundt und shptts over his shoulder und says: "Vhell, I don't beleef you hnf sooch Bheek till I see him. How dare you make me oop like dot und call me Na poleon?" "My frendt, don'd you know some tings?" says I. "Dot figure vhas der great Napoleon, und he vhas valklng oafer some mountings. Don't you nef fer hear of Napoleon?" "Neffer In all my life! Dat vhas met Dot vhas my hair und eyes und bodyl If you don't give me feefty dollars I shall make him tired." I Bhpeak with dot man more ash ten minutes, but he gets madder all der time. By-und-by he shumps In mlt a right-hand swing und knocks Napoleon all to pieces, und he nlso kicks me dree dimes before he goes out. Nobody finds Napoleon In my place any more. I fix him oop ash vhell as I can und mark him: "Der Tomb of Shapespear." If somebody comes in and claims he vhas der tomb I can't help it, und shall call on der police to put him oudt. Two weeks ngo a man makes me dot figure of Queen Elizabeth, und she vhas so grand dot eaferybody vhas full of praise. Some ladles come more ash fife times to see her. Three days ago a strange man comes In my place und sees dot figure and says: "Who vhas dot oldt gal in dor cor ner?" "Dot vhas Queen Elizabeth." "Vhas she deadt?" "More ash one hoonered years." "I can't beleef dot," he says. "If she vhas deadt one hoonered years why does she flirt mlt me? Don't you see her wink her eyes? I guess I go oafer und talk to her." "I beg htm to keep avhay, but he goes oafer und lifts dot Queen Eliza beth oop und dnnces her aroun dot mu seum, und poty qvlck her head und arms und legs fall off, und she vhas in ten pieces. I haf no more queens In my place. I fix oop dot one und call her "Dot Fisherman's Daughter," und meb be somebody don'd flirt mlt her now. For thirty dollars a man says he vhlll make me sooch a wax policeman as neffer vhas before, und I glf him der shob. I put dot figure In der middle of dot museum, und he vhas so lifelike dot I almost shpeak to him. In two days a feller comes in und looks aroundt und says: "I vhas like a lamb If somebody don't fool mlt me, but If dnt cop tries to run me In he vhas paralyzed forever more. You shust glf him a pointer not to take me for a spring chicken." I lafft at him und explain dot It vhas a wax figure, but ho walks aroundt und gets mad und says: "Vhell, I don't like his looks und I vhas down on der hull gang! I vhlll shust glf him a leetle token to remem ber me by!" Und he puts oop his hands und shumps in und hits dot figure on der Jaw und lays him oudt. He vhas going to walk on him vhen I buys him oft for one dollar. Dot policeman was too lifelike, und so I fix him oafer mlt his eyes shut. Pooty soon dot fat police sergeant comes In to see der sights, und vhen he looks aroundt he says: "Mr. Dunder, vhas dot policeman asleep?" "He vhas." "Vhas he on duty?" "He vhas. He vhas on duty, but he vhas tired oudt und goes to sleep." Vhell, dot makes der sergeant mad, und he says If I Insult der police force I vhas pulled In for green goods und my museum vhas all busted oop. So I haf to take dot figure und put a new suit on him and call him "Der Czar of Russia." He vhas all right, maype, und maype some nihilist comes In und hits him mlt a crowbar. mm After the Wedding: Journey. You can get Just as much happiness out of marriage as you can put Into it. Marriage Is a failure only to soured people, who cannot find marrying mates. After a woman becomes a widow she begins to say a great deal about her extreme youthfulness when she mar ried. "I married my wife a month after she accepted me," "And I married mine three days after she refused me." "Do you think Jenks will go to war? He used to be such a coward." "Yes; but he has been married three times since you knew him." A married woman is probably anx ious to get all the girls Bhe knows married off, so the men can't teach them to crow over her. Atchison Is a good town to marry In. A man can come here and get a bride and reach the train without getting the neck of his shirt full of rice. Atchison Globe. English girls who are Imprudent enough to marry Chinamen have a hard time when they get to China. Four, married to members of the Chi nese embassy In London, are now des titute In Shnnghnl. having been thrown over by their husbands. "Hns your daughter ever had cause to regret her marriage to that count?" "Only once." "When was that?" "Last summer, when her father and I went to visit them. The count sobered up for the occasion nnd remained at the castle for two days." He laughs best who laughs last. The maiden laughs at the bride who sud denly "likes smoke," but the year-old wife laughs at the noisy vociferations of the coy maids who talk about the "men they wouldn't marry and the things they wouldn't do." A curious marriage custom obtains in the Island of Hlmla. Just opposite the island of Rhodes. The Greeks, by whom It Is peopled, earn their living by the sponge fishery. No girl in this is land Is allowed to marry until she has brought up a certain number of sponges which must be taken from a certain depth. In some of the other Greek Islands this demonstration of ability Is required of the men, nnd If there nre several suitors for the hand of a mai den, her father bestows her on the man who can dive best and bring up the largest number of sponges. SCIENTIFIC JOTTINGS. The yield of salt per ton of water Is 81 pounds In the Atlantic ocean, 71 In the Pacific and 187 In the Dead sea. It has recently been claimed that Iron ships with electric plants suffer rapid deterioration of their pipes hav ing direct communication with the sea, due to electrolysis. Proressor Harshberger snys that, botnnlcnlly speaking, the dahlia is an American genuB confined to Mexico. When the Spnnlnrds first visited Mex ico, they found the dahlia cultivated in the guldens of the natives. It was first grown In Madrid In 17S9, and In England In 1790. To keep pneumatic tires Inflated in case of a puncture a small pump Is get on each hub with a crank shaft geared to a wheel mounted on the axle to work the piston when the gear wheels nre thrown Into line and the wheel Is revolved. In a recently designed turnstile for collecting tickets a curved arm closes the outlet nnd Is locked at each turn of the stile to prevent the next person passing through until he haB deposited his ticket in the box, when an attend ant releases the arm. That the clnematographe Is now a valuable aid to scientific Investigations was shown In the eclipse observations last month In India, and now Professor Flammarion, the well known French astronomer, has used a clnematographo to take during the night a continuous series of pictures showing sunset, tho appearance of the stars, the milky way, moonrlsc and the moon's motion In the Bky. Shower baths can be taken In an or dinary bath tub by using a new at tachment which has a chamber for mix ing hot and cold water to the proper temperature when It is forced through perforated pipes around the edges of the tub to shower the bather. Dr.Burton Ward, after a long experi ence In the trentment of cases of tn canlty, says that there is one Infallible symptom by which the question wheth er a person Is or Is not sane can be de termined. Let a person speak ever so rationally or act ever so sedately. If his or her thumbs remain Inactive thero Is no doubt of Insanity. Lunatics sel dom use their thumbs In writing, draw ing or saluting. Aluminum has been decided upon to take the place of sheet Iron for the fol lowing camp utensils for use In the French army: The Individual plate or bowl, canteen, quart cup and the boil ing pot and bowl for use of four men. An appointment of 130,000 francs in the army budget to begin the manufac ture and distribution of the abov named articles. During the Mada gascar expedition 15,000 sets were used with great satisfaction. A German has invented an electrical lead for sounding the bottom of water courses, which has a hinged shoe on the bottom, normally resting a short distance from the pin which closes the circuit, the shoe rising and making a contact as soon as the lead strikes the bottom. Runaway horses can be quickly de tached from wagons by a new device, in which the traces are separated near the end of the thill can be released to clear the horse from the thills by a lever, which also applies an automatic brake and stops thu wagon. Acetylene gas Is to be used for the purpose of Inflating marine buoys and floats, the dry calcium carbide being placed In a vessel in the upper portion of the buoy, to which a small quantity made two pairs of stockings, and in ing sufficient gas to generate to lift the buoy to Its proper position again. A Pennsylvania woman has invent ed a fly escape for attachment to win dow screens, which Is formed of a wire cone, with the large end connect ed with a passage along the bottom of the screen, In which the files crawl and pass out through the small end of the cone, thus clearing the house of the In sects. . m The Idea that dew falls as rain falls was generally entertained until explod ed by Dr. William C. Wells. Dew does not rl3e or fall, but is formed In direct contact with the object upon which it appears. It is the humidity of the at mosphere, deposited on the cool sur face of bodies which have lost heat by radiation to the clear sky, and have fallen In temperature below the point of saturation of the adjacent air. Bodies which nre good radiators and lose their heat to the sky, and which nre also poor conductois nnd receive little heat from the enrth or other bodies, exam ples of which are grnss, leaves of trees, glass, stones, etc., are most favorable to the deposition of dew. The moisture which collects upon the surface of a pitcher of Ice water on a warm day is an example of the deposition of dew. Dr. George Ebers, the well known Egyptologist and, to the general pub He at least, better known novelist, has culled attention to the large trade be ing carried on In Egypt in forged mummy portraits. When the genuine portraits, painted on wood, were first shown In Europe, not many years ago. they attracted great attention. ana this has stimulated the counterfeiters. The copies are admirably done, and are a close imitation of the genuine pictures. Some freedom in the treat ment of the eyes of one of the pictures first aroused suspicion by Its modern characteristics, and further Investiga tion disclosed other evidences of the fraud. , During the year Just pased many scents, heretofore thought to be procur able only from nature, have been pro duced artificially. For Instance, musk, one of the most highly prized and most costly of perfumes, has been lmltatea by the chemists. We are told, too, that during the year tho Germans have produced an artificial essence of vio lets, nnd. indeed, a whole series of scents, which, nppeallng to the olfac tory nerves as the colors appeal to the eye, are now receiving the attention of the patient scientists of all coun tries. r - Miss Edna Whitney of Chllllcothe was married last Saturday at Stuttgart, Ark., to J. B. Laney, a prosperous druggist of Stuttgart. Miss Whitney will be remembered as the central figure in a social sensation that reached from coast to coast last fall. She came prom inently Into notice when the committee having In charge the Kansas City carni val refused to allow her to become maid of honor because she worked In a tobacco factory. Immediately she be came a heroine In the eyes of the lab oring element and not long nfterwnras the very persons who had barred her from the flower parade Invited her to the Priests of Pallas ball, the greatest society event of the season In Kansas City. There sho met Mr. Lane and he proposed to her. She accepted, but for some reason the wedding was post poned. Mr. Lane returned to Stuttgart and Miss Whitney went back to Chilli cothe. She went to the Veiled Prophet's ball In St. Louis and was Mayor Zelg enheln's partner in a dance. The east ern papers made a great to-do over her. Her pictures were printed from Ma ne to California. She received all sorts of offers to go on the stase, but declined them , . It seems to be iuc piuper thing foi the comic Btar to be "wedded to her art" and divorced from her husband. J i IT i
