Hemingford herald. (Hemingford, Box Butte County, Neb.) 1895-190?, December 11, 1896, Image 3
F t hV V r- v I'erft'n lIcKgnr. Beveral beggars in Pcra own a largo amount of property. Ono well known man has houses worth (en thousand Uras, and yet is to be seen begging in filthy rags. A poor governess, who was very charitable, used to give him a pi astres twico a week. One day eIio missed a lira (pound) and thought sho must have given it to the beggar by mistake. Ho had gono homo for tho day, so sho followed him to his houso on the Tax imc. Ho received her graciously, look ing liko a pasha at least in his mognill cent robes. "I never liko to lose a good client," ho said, and sent for his bag of takings; "If there is a lira hero wo shall find it." Suro enough, tho lira was there. "Tako it," ho continued, and tho poor girl, full of thanks, was hurrying away when tho beggar stopped her. "Wait a moment; you haven't given mc tho piastre." Rov. V. .T, llcrg, pastor of tho Swed ish M. 12. Church, Ucs Moines, la., on March 1th, 1890 writes: "Last year 1 wub troubled with a bad cough for about five months. 1 got medicine from my family physician and 1 tried other remedies without relief. When I first Bay Dr. Kay's Lung Balm advertised I thought I would try it and I am glad I did. I bought a box and took a tab lot now and then without any regu larity and after a few days to my gr.cat surprise the cough was gone. Ten days ago I had soro throat, I was out of tablets and could not get them in Dcs Moines, and I sent to tho Western office of Dr. R. .1. Kay Medical Co., Omaha, Neb., for six boxes and as soon as I took it a few times that soreness and hoarseness all passed away in ono night. I believe it is also gobd for soro throat." Kr. Kay's Lung Halm does not cause sickness at tho stomach liko many remedies and is more effectual than any other wc know of. Sold by druggists at 2!5cts or sent by mail, five for SI. 00. Why not send your orders at onco and havo this valuable medicino on hand? It may save your life, you certainly will need it before spring. A dose in time will save nine, and may savo your life. Order now. Address Dr. 11. J. Kay Medical Co.. (Western office) Omaha, Neb. Send address for valuable receipt book. Ill Itriidy Answer. Tho German emperor, whilo recently inspecting a body of naval recruits, no ticed an unusually stalwart man in the ranks, and asked him whero ho hailed from. Tho recruit, in broad Bavarian dialect, replied: "From Wiesbach, your majesty." "Did you understand whom I meant," the emperor arjicti, "in addressing vou sailors about the foreign foe?" Recruit "Yes, Russians." Tho emperor "And enemies at homo?" Recruit "Prussians, your majesty." STATE OP OHIO CTTV OF TOLEDO, iiUl'A.-j COUNTY, ss trunk J. Choney makes oiitli that ho In the senior partner of tho lirm of V. J. Cheney & Co., doing business In tho City of Toledo, County nnrt State uforesniil. and that ,aUl arm will pay tho bum of ONE IIUNDRLI) DOM.AU3 for each and every caso of catarrh that cannot bo cured by tho uso of Hall's Catarrh Cure. FRANK J. CHENEY. owr.rn to beforo mo and subscribed la lay presence, this tth (lay of December, A. D. 1M5. (Seal,) A. Y cr,EAON. , Notary Public. Hall's Catarrh Curo Is taken internally and acts directly on tho blood and mucus surfaces of tho system. Send for testi monials, free. o , , , F. J. CHENEY & CO., Toledo. O. Sold by druxKifcts, 5c. Hall's Family l'IIs aro tho best. Edison's new telephone, a sample of which ho had given' toYLi Hung Chang, does away with the receiver, and per mits a business man to carry on a con versation at a distance of a few feet from the instrument, which is placed against tho wall of a room, withont leaving his desk or touching tho' in strument, which works atitomatlcally. Tho Modern Motjicr Has found that her little ones are Im proved more by the pleasant Syrup of Figs, when in need of the laxative effect of a gentle remedy than by any other, and that it la more acceptable to them. Children enjoy It and it benefits them. The true remedy. Syrup of Flga.Hs man ufactured by the California Fie Syrup Company only. It was onco told to a certain king of England that Lord Blank was his po litest subject "I will test him," said the king, and showed Lord Blank to the carriage, holding tho door for him to enter first, which ho did. "You aro right," said tho king, "a lesser person would havo troubled mo with cere mony. " Merchants Hotel, Omaha, COKMIU I'IKTKKXTII AND KAIIXAM STfl. Street cars pass tho door to and from both depots', in business center of city. Headquarters for state and local trade. Rates S and S3 per day. PAXTOX & DAVENP ORT, Prop's Wo a'ways admire a man who works much and ta ks litt'e. KIXfANAWAWtfAM is a disease which afflicts over 75 per cent, of the American people. It is a daneerous dlccasi because it not only poisons the blood but causes heaviness, opprsslon,and dulls the intellect. Then follow chronic headache, loss of appe tite, slow digestion, nervousness, bad breath, dingy complexion and low spirits. It will eventually brine on liver and kidney disease in some incur able form. But sufferers from this dreaded malady are speedily Warner's SAFE Cure and Warner's SAFE Pills. Leading physicians the world over, have acknowledged this fact, and thousands of people through out the land have testified to it. a XtfXh SAFE Cure puts a stop to backaches, headaches, constipation, loss of appe tite, dyspepsia, tired feelings and sleep lessness. It builds up the exhausted system. It is a sure cure for liver and kidney complaint in any form, and the only remedy that has ever been able to cure Dright's disease. If you are feeling the need of euch a remedy, you cannot do better than try this king of remedies, the great toihitoimtotkMhMfattoiirAWt? rwwwwwwwwwwwi J Travelers' Tales. A Chinese Funeral. O A well-conducted Chinese funeral Is tho most gorgeous sight in Asia. At thn front of tho funeral procession walk the noisy, muslclcss musicians Then come men bearing the insignia of the dignity of tho dead, If ho had any. Next come more men, carrying figures of animals, idols, umbrellas and blue and white streamers. After them come men carrying pans of perfume. Just beforo tho coflln walk bonzes, Chinese priests. Over the coflln n can opy is usually carried. The casket Is borno by about a score of men. Im mediately behind tho coflln walk tho children of tho deceased. The eldest sou comes first. Ho is dressed in can vas, nnd leans heavily tipon a stout slick. He is supposed to bo too ex hausted by grief and fasting to wnlk without the aid of the staff. Tho other children nnd relatives follow this chief mourner. They are clothed in white linen gaiments. The women are car ried In chnirs. They sob and wail at Intervals and In unison. When tho burying place Is reached tho bonzes be gin chanting a mass for the dead, nnd tho coflln Is put into tho tomb. A largo oblong white marble table Is placed be fore tho tomb. On the middle of it is set a censer and two vaseB and two candlesticks, all of aB exquislto work manship as possible. Then they havo a paper cremation. Papen figures of frten, horses, garments and n score of other things are burned. They are supposed to undergo a material resur rection, and to be useful to the dead In the Chinese heaven. The tomb Is seal ed up or closed, and an entertainment concludes the ceremony at the grave. I'rlcntR of tho lllmalnyns. This decidedly effective group was photographed near Darjeellng. The holy men know nothing of Drury Lane pantomime, though their highly origi nal costumes irresistibly suggest that gorgeous pageant. They are tho priests who minister unto the hardy hill-men. Fortunntely for their wearers, tho masks are not for every-day use; this is evidenced by the more ordinary head-gear held by tho pastor on tho extreme right. These dignitaries havo, as it were, merely assumed for the oc casion their episcopal robes. Ill a Chinese House. Tho windows of Chinese houses be longing to the wealthy classes are made of oiled paper or semi-transparent oyBtor shell, Artistically wrought in a variety of fantastic patterns; as may be imagined, these glvo very little light and no ventilation, consequently tho house during tho day Is dark and dull, but at night when the number less picturesque lanterns are lighted, the scene is most beautiful. Round lanterns hang from the center and ether points of tho ceiling; some with flat backs are fastened to tho wall, and others aro set upright on tables and stands. The prettiest and most expensive aro made of white Bilk or gauze, delicately painted in a variety of colors, red the symbol of joy pre dominating. There are octagonal lan terns fancifully painted, with red Bilk tasselr, hanging from each corner; me chanically contrived lanterns, which the heat sets in motion, beautifully carved horn lanterns, nnd Eome of bas ket work and bamboo. The rooms aro separated one from another by carved wooden scroll work, which is most or namental and gives a very rich and handsome appearance to the interior. This carving Is sometimes gilded and Eometlmesf polished; again tho wood Is left In a state of nature and given only a coating of wax. The Chinese are as fond as tho French of mirrors; large and small ones are scattered about and cheval glasses placed in positions to give an idea of grandeur and extent. Tho doors of a Celestial homo, Instead of following a monotonously rectangu lar form, like those of the western world, are sometimes round or leaf shaped, or seml-clrcular apertures. Tho round doors are regarded as a symbol of 'the sun. Another doorway will perhaps resemble a flower, illumi nated by a window so constructed as to enhance the conceit, octangular doors aro used in the gardens which separate one court from another, and again doors shaped like fans, leaves, scrolls and fruit are seen. Unlike the , Japanese, the Chinese havo been nc- customed to tho use of chairs for cen turies. According to western Ideas, the Chinese chairs are models of dis comfort, for they are made of a pat tern which prevailed in England in the days of Queen Elizabeth or Queen Anne; tall, straight of back, and in ordinately angular. The most comfort able chair to be found has an adjust able back, and is filled with reverslblo cushions, but this is a modern inven tion. When visitors are expected, or on tho celebration of an anniversary, strips of red cloth are thrown over tho low couches and squares of tho same material cover the seats'of'tho chairs. I Y Not el Currency. In an interesting article In Cassicr's Magazine for. October, by F. S. Pren tiss, he glveB this account of a curious currency in tiBe In Mongolia nnd Si beria. "The tea business," writes Mr. Prentiss, "seemed to bo in tho hands of the Russians. They have hero (at Foo Choo, China) two largo factories for making tea-cakes. Tho tea is ground fine, nlmost to a powder, and then, by powerful hydraulic presses, Is forced Into blocks that are so hard thai It is Impossible to break them without a blow with a hammer. TheEe aro sent north through ttio great Chinese wall into Mongolia and Siberia, and pass current as money. In many localities it Is the only currency used. As th? ' blocks leave Foo Choo they weigh the same to nn ounce, hut ns tho money circulates around, howovcr, pieces aro chopped off to replenish the tea-pots, and tho blocks dcproclato in valuo la proportion to tho chunks taken." THE LOSS FROM BAD BALLOTS The Necessity for Vuliiff tho Oreatcst I'rccnutlon lit Voting;. Tho "Red Rook," or official legisla tive manual for 1890, compiled and published by Octl, Palmer, secretary of etate, pursuant to law, contains tables of tho returns of election of November, 1805, which mako a partial, and only a partial exhibit of alleccd "dcfcctlvo" ballots thrown out by tho poll can vassers. Tho total number of clectorfl thus reported disfranchised in the stato as a consequence of tho confusion and confounding of tho blanket ballot, or "Australian" system of voting, reaches tho enormous number of r8,936! And that probably Is not half the total! It Is a well-known fnct that In somo of tho districts of this city and county the inspectors at many of the polls construed the law as not requiring them to make roport of "defective" ballots. Of tho HO election districts of tho coun ty no returns of such ballots nro made from ninety-one, as tho tobies of tho, "Red Book" show. And yot G70 Aro ac knowledged. Chautauqua county, which contains tho cities of Dunkirk and Jamestown, mako no return. Che- . mung, containing tho city of Elmlra, . reports 2; Hamilton, none; Jefferson, ' with tho city of Watcrtown, only 70; Kings, containing all the city of Brook lyn, tho second county nnd city of tho state, whero it is known that the num ber of defective ballots rejected was relatively greater than in Now York, none. Tho aggregate vote of Kings, practically a part of New York, return ed a3 counted, Is 168,007. The aggre gate vote of Now York returned ns counted is 261,540. Yet New York ac knowledges 10,265 ballots aB "defec tive, etc.," and rejected. By rule of proportion Kings county must have had 0,620. Orange county, containing tho cltlC3 of Newburg nnd Mlddletown, makes no report. Orleans, with num erous largo villages, only 5; Richmond, only 3; Schenectady, with tho city of Schenectady, none; Ulster, with tho city of Kingston, none; Westchester, with tho cities of Yonkcrs and Mt. Vernon, which hnve the Myers ballot machino, reports one defective nnd rejected vote, which must have been at the poll of ono of tho towns using the blanket bal lot. Troublo With n Cash Register. There were three in ono party and two in the other. They were standing before the whltc-aproned dispenser of refreshments, and ono of tho three in- j vlted the entire party to havo some- thing. The dispenser dealt out tho or der of the three, took the dollar of fered In payment and handed back 35 cents In change. The other two, stand ing a Bhort distance away, wero not served, as there was a mistake on tho part of the enshier. The bill amounted to less than a quarter, according to tho refreshments served tho three. Tho host examined his coin and then looked surprised and grieved. "I gave you a dollar," ho said. "Was It a dollar? How much change did 1 give you?" "Thirty-five cents." "Well, I will have to wait until somebody buys I don't daro to open tho register, ns there's no false balance on it. Every time I open it It means a purchase charged to mc. Sorry, but we'll have to wait." Tho man to whom the change was coming stood by nnd waited until a cash purchase was mado boforo ho could get his money. Ho wa3 tho only one in tho party who did not enjoy the 'situation. Ho remarked gloomily that he never had much use for caih registers anyway. Chicago Chronicle. Tho Ways of ul Ant. If has long been recognized that the ant "is'aA'cry intelligent Insect, and leads a ""very" complicated social life. There aro classes among them pluto crats, laborers and criminals. The au thor of a recent work on entomology potca the curious habit of one species of the ant of "turning some of their fellows Into animated honey pots." In stead of placing honey In a comb as the bees do, tho ant selects a certain number of workers, and disgorges the honoy obtained from tho eucalypti, on which it is deposited by coccldao and other Insects, into the throats of their victims. The process being continu ally repeated, causes the stomachs of theso workers to bo distended to an enormous size. This extraordinary habit was first discovered in the caso of certain ants in Mexico, nnd subse quently shown to prevail In Colorado. It has been found to exist in Australia also, and Mr Frogart describes and figures theso nntB of the genus cam ponotus that pursuo this remarkable practice. The ants containing honey aro favorite food with tht natives. (ireut Alligators. Alligators were formerly one of the chief animal life tenants of Red River nnd the bayous of Louisiana, where, be foro steamboat navigation came to in terrupt them, they could be seen by hundreds huddled together on tho hanks or massed on the floating or sta tionary logs especially of Red River waking tho solitudes of the forest with their biiil-llko bellowing. Their length was generally between eight and twelve feet, although they some times grew to bo twenty foot long. Their hides wore onco used extensively for the making of shorn, but tho leath er, not proving of sufllclently closo tex ture to keep water out, shoomaklng from this material was abandoned. There nro some kinds of medicino that taste so bad that a man gets well at the ery thought of taking them. powerless to combat sin. i Education nnd Cn tare liar lint Multi plied Man's Purlers for r.vll. "Mon seek to mako excuso for sin," writes Dwlght L. Moody In tho Initial dlscourso to "Mr. Moody's Blblo Class" in tho Ladies' Home Journal. "They call It by other names nnd try to ex plain nwny its power or cover tip Its , jitdcoilsness. Thoy tell its that It Is , merely Ignornhco, which cttlturo will ' eradicate; that In each and every man ihore Id good, and that with culture ; ind education this Wilt bo developed. ' Antiquity has proved that od lcation and cttlturo nro powerless to ' lombat nntural sin. They seem to have iut multiplied tho Ingenuities and de vices of mnn'B ovll pnsslons. Tho cor rupt nnd degenernte daj'B of cultured Rome, oven during her proud 'Golden Age' of wealth, of literature, of boauty and philosophy, havo left to us monu ments of her obscenity and vice. Tho wisdom of Greece nnd tho learning of Egypt never saved their subjects from tho corruption of Bin. Tho Epistles of St. Paul to tho churches of AbIb Minor nro n sufficient commentary upon the efficacy of their boasted roflncnient In tho development of noblo and ptiro lives. Nor havo wc to go Into ancient history for n vindication of tho awful truth of a fallen nature. Do our own times offer no Illustration of Inherent sin? Docs not the presence of sin, of ten tho most vllo nnd dark In Ub of fices, rovcal Itself in Uvea which from earliest lnfnncy havo been Burrounded by only that which was puro and good? Aro ottr convicts mndo solely from thoso who havo not had advantages? TWO VIEWS ON PENSIONS. Not Many Rich in Our Wars, Writes -President Harrison. "Thcro may bo fair differences of opinion ns to tho extent and conditions of pension rcltof, hut there Is no room for doubt ns to pensions," writes ex-President Harrison in tho Ladles' Homo Journal "This Country of Ours" nrtlcle. "Eleven dollars n month for wnr service implies, at least, relief in caso of wounds or sickness for tho soldier, and that tho public will care for his widow and minor children. When tho law of pillage prevailed it was otherwise; and when our rich men tako to fighting our wnrs wo Kin abol ish tho pension system, hut thus far It is as historically true of the armies that won our independence, delivered us from tho Indiana and tho British, and saved the nation In tho great civil war, ns of tho Kingdom of Heaven: 'Not many rich.' "There'are two vlows of the pension question one from the 'Llttlo Round Top' at Gettysburg, looking out over a field sown thickly with tho dead, and around upon bloody, blackened and maimed men cheering the shot-torn banner of their country; tho other from nn ofllco desk on a busy street, or from an ondowed chair in a university, look inly only upon a statistical table." He Had the Ozono In Ills Tockot. "A misunderstanding as to the mean ing of a word sometimes leads to pe culiar situations," said the Rov. A. L. Smith, of Chicago, at tho Arlington. "In company with eoveral other min isters I waB riding In a stage or hack, which served the purpose of a Btage, en routo to a camp meeting. Tho road wound among the mountains and tho air was delightful, whilo tho scenery was almost sublime. I was Invigorated as though by a powerful tonic and several times remarked upon the ozono in 'the air. After ono of these obser vations tho driver stopped tho horso3 nnd, beckoning to me slyly, climbed from the seat. Wondering what he could want I followed him and soon wo were behind a large tree, out of view of tho wagon. 'Parson,' said the driver, 'I couldn't bear to see you suf fer. Tho ozono you smclled wan in my pocket.' With these words ho drew forth a large bottlo of whisky which he offered to me. It took several minutes to convince him that it waB not whis- ; ky I hod roforred to as ozone." Wash ington Star. Contagious Yuwiilng. Two young men boarded an Oldtown trolley car one afternoon this week to settle a very peculiar wager, tho ono having bet tho other a ?5 Bllvcr cer tificate that ho would make six people out of ten yawn anywhere without say ing a word. A Tvell-fllled car was se lected for tho purpose. The young man who hail proposed the wager had not taken his seat many minutes when he opened his mouth and gavo a fear ful yawn. Ho speedily followed It by another, and then awaited results. A moment later a middle-aged lady promptly put her hand up to her mouth to smother a cavernous yawn. Almost everybody in the car after that seemed In a despcrato hurry to follow the lady's lead. Out of tho nineteen people In tho car there were fourteen who were seized by tho aflliction. Ban gor News. Tiro Disagreeable Characters. "I don't know anything more disa grccablo than a man who will not do what he can." "Oh, ho is not In it with the fellow who Insists on doing what ho can't." Truth. i:nst India ltoud. India, a country half as big as tho United States, has 58,000 milos of pub lic highway, most of which Is kept In order by tho government. HrltUIi Property tit Ken. One hundred and fifty million pounds worth of British property Is always on the sea. Tho art of printing is covered by 5,833 patents, either of machines or spe cial devices employed In the work. Excellent Farming Lands A Good Fruit nnd Fnrmlnrr Roglon Now Doing Sottlod. Thin tract of land Ilea In tho tiastern pnrt of Colorado County and NortLcrn part of Wharton County, Texan, ntout fifty milos west of Houston, tho gr?nt commercial cen ter of tho ttato. Tho soil Is n rich, produc tive mmly lonm. This district in Texas has plenty of rnlnfnll for crops, nnd ono of the necessities In ordor to cecuro n good farm U to hnvo land that nn smoothly nnd hns high enough nltlttulo for perfect rirntungo. which cnu bo tccurod in this tract, ns it it n smooth rolling pralrlo, lying on tho divide between tho Han llcrnardo and Colorndo Rivers This district 1ms a mild, dollghtful climate, oiiob'ing yon to produco some thing almost enen month m tno year, An other grant ndyanttiBO is that through this trnct thcro nro two lines of railroads, and within tho Units of thin tract, which is twelvo miles North and South, nnd eight miles Knst nnd WcRt, thcro nro two towns located, 0110 on each rond, which glvo spo clnl ndvnntngcs to nny fnrmor locating thcro, Wo anticipate Hint you dosiro to invest in 1 ntids for n fnrm nnd home, whoro tho prices nro low, tho terms ensy, nnd whoro you enn nurclmso nnd pny for tho land in threo or four year, ns cheaply ns you nro now paying rent. Wo run or.nrt.Ioiis to tho lands over tho 0., R. I. & P. to Ft. Worth, nnd fiom thero ovor tho Knntn Fo toWnllln, Texns. Wo Fccuro you the lowest rntes nnd will no compnny you. Writo to us for our book, ''Fcrtllo Farm Lauds," excursion rntoj, dates nnd how to got - PRE- FARE TO TEXAS. SOUTII1SUX TUXAS COLONIZATION CO. John Lixiir.nuoMt, Mgr., 110 Rlalto llldg., CiiicAao. Ono .lull Not i:nnugli. When Du Mnurlor mndo an engage ment with Harper Brothers to contrib ute a full page drawing each month, ho received a protest from Punch, whoso ofllcials thought themselves exclusively entitled to his services. Hin reply wns ns follows: Dear : "Man cannot llvo by Punch alone." Cne's Catmti HiiUnni U the oldest nJ b-Mt. H will break tip a coM quicker than snjrtblnir clit. It lmlii reliable. Tr) It, A woll trained wlfo is ono who always InugliR nt her husLnud'R jolcos, no mnttor how oitoti sho linn henrd them. 1 ho first horses in thin country wcro brought hero In iho yonr 1518. FITB stoppe tl tree ami permanently rurnl. Ko fltt after first daj-'r ui of Or. Kline' (Ireut Nerve Itntorrr. Vieo tZ trial tattle and treatirc. Mini to in, Kuxe,W1 Arrh Ht., I'lillnttelphla, Ta. If a sick mnn is pntient his women folks have ovory reason for Lolloving that he willdlo. Mrs. 'Wlnaloir'fl Nonthltiff Mjmp For children tcctlilnR.tof tcnn Hie gnm, redurci liiflam. ruatlon, allaya pain, curti wind colic, ttceati a bottle. Looking a dlfllcultysqunre in tho faco will often kill it dend. WtWMWWWWrWWWW Mind this. It makos no RHEUMATISM of tho Muscles, Joints, nnd Rones Is cured by t ft04Hr fr0frm4- " ' ' -11 ma ill -- i.i -.i ' - tBBBBppBpBPBBBWsWBIW'M nrrrf , , , . . frqipfti8frtft''tg'ifri8aM$af' Important Notice 1 The only genuine "Baker's Chocolate," ; ; celebrated for more than a century as a de- ! ! licious, nutritious, and flesh-forming bevcr- j age, is put up in Blue Wrappers and Yel- ; ; low Labels. Be sure that the Yellow ! Label and our Trade-Mark are on every ! package. ' ; ; WALTER B AKER & CO. Ltd., Dorchester, Mass. j TIUBC'HAKK. 0 frlJUrllBlrTUBrrUfl m lanitMimiiMejiMiHi'a BRYAN'S BOOK m m .AND m Omaha Weekly World-Herald. Tills year the Omaha Weekly World-Herald has an otTer to make to new and old subscribers better than any ever made before. Riivan's New Rook, describing his great campaign in his own language, giving his leading speeches and containing a short biographi cal sketch of him by his wife as well as a discussion of the great money question by himself, is now on the press and will be ready for delivery just after Christmas. It will be bound in cloth, printed in clear type on good paper and contains about GOO pages, handsomely illustrated. OUR GREAT OFFER. We will send the Omaha Weekly World-Herald one year and a copy of Bryan's Rook for $2.00. Postage prepaid, Tho Weekly World Herald alone Is $1.00. Mr. Rryan's connection with the World-Herald ha? made it the leading sliver paper, It is published in two sections each week, eight pagesTuesday and four pages Friday. Wc will send thfe book alone, postage'prcpaid for $1.00. Rryan's Rook bus been eagerly expected and the first edition will no doubt be quickly exhausted. The first five thousand orders will be promptly tilled from the first edition. Address, WEEKLY WORLD-HERALD. m m m m a B a E3 S E3 m a S m if3JafJlJM1 What n Mnn Cannot Drj, A mnn cannot do two things a' a time. A woman can broil a steak and sco that tho coffoo docs not boil over, and watch tho cnt that she docs not steal tho remnant of meat on tho kit chen tnble, and dress tho younpest boy nnd set tho tabic, and sco to tho toast anil stir tho oatmeal, and givo tho or ders to tho butcher, nnd sho can do tt nil nt onco nnd not hnlf try. Man, has dono wonders Blnco ho camo before the public. Ho has navigated tho ocenn, ho litis ponotrntcd tho mysteries of the starry heavens, ho has harnessed tho lightning and mndo it pull street cars, and light tho grcnt cities of tho world. Rut ho can't find a spool of red thread In his wlfo's workbaskct; ho can't dis cover the pocket in her dress hanging inn closet. Ilo cannot no pome 10 somebody ho hates. Ho can't sit in a rocking chnlr without banging tho rockers Into tho bnsc-bonrds. Ho csn't put tho tidy on tho sofa pillow right sido out. In short ho can not do a hund things that women do instlnot tvoly. Now York Ledger. He Didn't Wnnt Them. Agnos Strickland onco urged Mr. Donna to introduco hor to Gcorgo Ror row, author of "Tho Romany Rye." Rorrow, who wns in tho room at tho time, offered somo objection, but was at length prevailed upon to accept tho introduction. Tho authoress com menced tho conversation by an enthu siastic eulogy of his works and con cluded by asking his permission to send him a copy of hor "Queens of Eng land." "For God's rako, don't madam, I should not know what to do with them," exclaimed Rorrow. II Mend it or End it, n lias been the rallying cry of reform, directed against abuses municipal or social. For the mnn who lets him self be abused by a cough the cry should be modified to: Mewl it, or it'll end you. You can mend any cough with II Ayer's ! Cherry Pectoral. 'U difference, Chronic, Acute, or Inflammatory THE OMAHA, NEB. b ijxA hH Li I KiB