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About Hemingford herald. (Hemingford, Box Butte County, Neb.) 1895-190? | View Entire Issue (Aug. 7, 1896)
KEEP THE HOUSE.
A Dying Farent's Excellent Advlca
to I1U Sorrnwliis Children.
Soil ovory thing. suffer ovory thing
to tbo way of doprlvallon, was a dy
ing parent's ndvlco to his chlldron, but
keop tho houso to bo togothor In, what
ever bofolL It was sound ndvlco. So
long as thoso chlldron, young or old.
bad a roof; thoy could sudor and bo
strong togothor. m Tholr wants, tholr
deprivations, woro tholr own. and not
public proporty. If noods must that
tbey starvo, thoy could starro in
sllsnco and dignity, with nono but
theniiolvcs tho wisor or tho worse. All
tbblr llttlo shifts woro not subjoots of
general disciuslou; tholr work was not
on Inspection; strangers woro not ablo
to Intorforo among thorn, or to sow dis
tentions thcroby, or to nllontato affec
tions. Closo together, in tho habitual
contact of daily llfo, thoy could only do
bound tbo moro closoly In habits of
thought, in Ioto and in mutual con
cert. And tho roof-troo was responsible for
it all. Tho roof-troo was tho bond and
tho protootor; it took tho placo of pa
rent; it was a shioid and bulwark
against tho world. No, tho oxporlenco
of scattorod and shlp-wrockod families
has ovorywhoro provod that much dis
comfort, much misory, might havo
been spared thorn had thoy olung to
gether in ono homo; that thoso who
havo a homo should koop it; it is tholr
safoty in worldly and material com
fort Part with land part with jowol
ry, part with heir-looms, koopsakos,
treasuros, but koop tho houso so long
as tho timbers hold togothor. It is a
stronghold; it is a castle, howovor
poor and old; Warwick Costlo itsolf no
bolter for its purposos. It is not raoro
ly that, "bo it ovor so humblo, thoro's
no placo liko homo," but that it is
borne, tho singlo spot whoro ono
rolgus, whoro ono is unfettered and
fully ono's self, whoro ono lias ono's
tools and equipments loosoly and at
enso about ono, whoro ono is at largo
liberty, whoro ono exists satisfied with
tho notnrnl lovo of of kin, if othor lovo
is doniod ono, a plaoo to rotlro and
withdraw in, to fool safoty and protec
tion in, to llvo in' and at last to dio in.
Queer Plants at Washington.
'I want to call your attention to tho
tmlicensod bar-rooms you will notioo
in this houso," said Air. Smith, as ho
entered another houso noar by.
lloro flowers rosombling small rod
bananas could bo soon. Thoy woro
hollow and open at tho top, and con
tained a liquid. Thoso woro the un
Breaking ono off and oponlng it, it
was filled with rod ants.
"Thoy como nnd drink tho liquor,"
said Mr. Smith, "got drunk and dlo
"Horo is tho cookroaoh bar-room,1'
ho contlnuod, "and hero tho spiders.
An ant will not drink any of tho roaoh
or spider liquor and vico vorsa.
Noar tho door a beautiful plant with
creamy whlto loaves was labeled "con
"Whence tho namo?" asked tho ro
portor; "hi tho plant disoasodP"
"Yes, Itroally has tho consumption,"
was tho roply, "and whoro thoso loaves
arc tinted a croamy whlto thoy aro
diseased lungs. You know that a plant
bronthos through its loavos. This
plant is propagated for its boauty."
Tho fly-trap flower in a lnrgo pot
noar by hundreds to tiny thiok loaves
rcsombling somi-circular jaws provid
ed with small, sharp teeth, atlractod
tho roportor's attention.
That's tho woll known fly-trap
flower," said Mr. Smith, by way of
Whilo ho was speaking n butterfly
Blighted in one. Qulckor than thought
tho jaws closed and tho butterfly was
a pr sonor.
"How long will that butterfly re
main n prisoner?" asked tho ro porter.
"Two or thrco days. B that tlmo
tho flowers will havo derived all tho
benefit and good the 11 possassos, and
ita jaws will open and tho fly bo cast
out It is my belief that tho flowor
obtains sustenanco from tho prlsonors
it, takos. Sometimes it gots hold of tho
wrong kind of food, however, and it
gets dyspepsia. This conclusion is,
reached from tho effect of tho food on
the leaves. Now this cell caught tho
head of a blue-bottle fly a couple of
days ago and got tho dyspepsia, as
you can see by its color.
The roporter looked and saw a sick
ly combination of groan and yellow
marklings on tho leaves, and tho doad
fly still bolweou them. Washington
Ingenious Joseph Howard.
Josoph Howard, of this town, has
given us a now and, as hu say, n most
useful hint in tbo nrt of hitching hors
es. Iustoad of the usual head-nnd-neck
halter, ho carries in tho wagou
a short pieco of half-Inch cord, looped.
When ho wishes to leavo his horso
tins cord is used to tlo tho forelegs to
gether just boiow tho kuoes, and whon
bo tied you are always sure to find
your horso whoro you left lira. Uho
horse doescn't dure move; the cord is
easily adjusted, and tho case often oc
curs that you wish to hitch a horse
where no post is found, as in a haying
field or city street. Besides it soon
teaches tho horse to stand without
being h tchod at alL Kuintbic'i (Me.)
THE EYEGLASS FIENDS AGAIN.
Their 8ucces In Swindling the Tlon
eit Farmer nnd Ulvlnit Ulin Glasses
for Dollar. -
Tbo rural districts havo onco moro
bo como tho Mocca of tho swindling
."eyeglass" fiond. Ho is now going
ing through Columbia county and is
praotislng his novel swlndlo upon tho
honost farmers with groat profit. Ap a
rulo ho travels in pairs; that is thero
is "two of him." Tho swindlers aro
woll dressed and havo engaging man
nors and an attractive appoarance.
Tholr plan of work is to call at the
bousos of woll-to-do-porsons undor tho
protonoo of Inquiring about purchasing
proporty in tho neighborhood In
noarly ovory caso thoy soloct such fam
ilies as havo a mo tuber who is suffering
from diseases of tho oyo. This mat
tor, of courso, comes up incidontally
and is followed by ono of the men ro
forring to tho othor as ono of the most
eminent oculists of this city, nnd ho
addrossos him by tbo namo of Now
York's most omlnont spoalnllsts In this
lino. Tho result Is that tho afflicted
porson is anxious to havo tho groat
man's opinion. Tho "professor" Is re
luctant to pass nny opinion and says ho
is taking a vnoatlon nnd is in tho placo
intont only on purchasing n 6ummor
houso. Entrcntlos follow, and, after
an examination, tho allcgod oyo spec
ialist recommonds tho uso of a spec
ial kind of oyo glass and loavos, giv
ing tho addross of tho firm from ivJioui
thoso glasses can bo procured. Tho
addrosB is always that of a confedor
ato and is novor tho samo twico in suc
cession. Tho confedcrato gots an or
dor and sonds tbo glassos G. O. D.,
whon tho ordor is not accompanied by
tho monor, and chargos all tho way
from $25 to $10 for thorn in accordanco
with tho instructions rocolvod from his
travoling partners. Wiion tho farmor
gots tho glasses ho finds thoy aro tho
kind that aro sold on tho Bowory for
fifteen conts. Two of thoso swindlers
woro in Clavorack recently and noarly
oamo to griof by protending to bo Dr.
Agnow, who died somo timo ago. Thoy
got out of tho trouble, however, by
saying that Dr. Agnow who died was
not tho colobratod oyo doctor but a
gonoral practittouor, and sold a Mr.
Forbes a pair of classes for $30.- New
York Mail and Express.
Why the Train Ran Blow.
A man was ono day making a trip
on a "mixod train" on n Dakota road.
Fassago on thoso trains Is never taken
oxcopt for journoys of consldorablq
longth; walking is as easy and much
faster for short distances. On this oc
casion tho movoment was ovon moro
doliboruto tliau usual, and tho passon
gor callod tho conductor to bis scat
"Isn't this motion pretty slow?"
"Well, wo ulu't flying, I'll admit."
"Suro ovorythlng is all rightP"
"I think so."
"Whools all greased?
"Yes, I greasod them myso If,"
"Tiros' all on?"
"Yos, wo run through tho creek
back horo nnd soaked up tho whools s o
that thoy would stay."
"Any spokes loosoP"
"You aro certuin tho wheo Is aro all
on tho railsP '
"Thoy was when I camo in."
"Couldn't bo possiblo that any of
thorn aro off and tho axle dragging,
I guess not."
"Aro wo going up hillP"
"No, this is protty m'd'lln' lovol,"
"Do you always run at this gatoP''
"No, wo generally bum along a littlo
faster' n this."
"May I ask what is tbo trouble?"
"Certainly. Wo found n lino two-year-old
steer stuok in a trestlo back
hero, beforo you got on, and stopped
and holpod it out. You know tho rules
of tho road aro that in such casos tho
animal belongs to the company."
"But I don't soo why that should
yon mako run so thundering slow."
'Why, you blamo fool, wo'ro takin'
that steor along to heudquarters; got
it tied on bobiud, nud it ain't used to
leadin' and don't walk up vory well.
I'm doinjr all I cau; got tho brakeman
prodding it up with nn umbroll' and an
ear of corn tiod to the and of tho boll
rope. If you think I m goiu' to sturt
up and go liowliii' along and yank tbo
horn off as good u stoer as thero is in
tho territory, why you'ro mistaken,
that's nil. U train tuon o in' t expect
our pay unlaw wo bring hi somo stock
onco In awhile. " Tcxnt Silings.
Eleotricity for Writer's Paraly
sis. In ono of tho broad windows of tho
recording department of the office of
James Bond, clerk of tho superior
court, is a small olectrio battery. It is
usod by tho ro cord on for tho relief of
tho cramp of tho muscles of the hand
which follows loug-continuod and
stoady uso of tho pen. Tho robot is
Instantaneous, and clerks who former
ly were compelled at times to stop
work for several days on account of
swelling and contraction of tho
muscles of tho hand, now take n few
gentle shocks of tho olootrlo current
on tho slightest approach of stiffness.
They return to work at onco, entirely
rellevod, and continue without incon
venience. Noarly ovory one of tho
score of clerks receive benefit from tho
olootrlo curront, and the battery is re
garded as an indispensable fixture of
the office. BaUimore Sun.
Soven Soenos Which Tell of tho
Life of a Woman.
A woo mother Is carefully putting
her favorlto doll to bod. With lender
solicltudo sho romovos each dainty gar
ment and fastens on tbo tiny night
gown. Then with a fond kiss, sho
hugs hor troasuro to her and places it
in its llttlo cradle. After patting it for
a momont gently, sho tiptoos out of
tho room as tho twilight poops curious
ly into it
A fair maiden stands beforo hor looking-glass
adding tho last touches to hor
evening tollot Hor lovor will soon bo
hero! Hor eyes aro full of innocont
lovo light! Sho looks eagerly at hor
reflection in tho glass! How glad sho
is that sho is prottyl Sho frowns a
llttlo at a crimp that will not stay just
as it should. A ring comos at tho
door, nnd ,sho hastens away in tho
gathering twilight to moot hor be
lovod. A young wife sits anxiously watching
for hor husband. At onch approaching
footstep hor hoart beats rapturously
and then grows heavy with disappoint
montl Site will not go indoors it is
so swoot out thcrel Tho creeping
shadows cheer hor trembling soul so
sho wa ts and wishos and tho shadows
longtbou Into darkened night
A mothor is rocking hor baby to
sloop. Ho looks at hor gravoly whilo
thoy movo to an fro, as If asking why
tho bright sunshlno must loavo and tho
ugly shadows hldo hor dear faco from
him. Thero is a woalth of wisdom in
his groat swcot oyc9l Ho holds tightly
to hor dross as If to koop hor near
Whon at last his oyos aro closed, sho
disongagos tho loving hand, klssos him
lightly ho must not bo nwnkenod
and arisos to put him into his crib.
Then sho sinks back Into her cbnlr and
bogins to rock him agtun. It is so
pleasant to rost lu tho Twilight and ho
is so sweet to nurso!
A woman kneels by a fresh-mado
gravo. Tho hoadboard staros coldly at
hor and sooms to say ovor and ovor
again tho words inscribed upon it:
"Ho was hor only child and sho was
With toar-ladoncd oyos sho bonds
down lowor nnd lower, till hor lips
rost upon tho earth. Sho longs so to
kiss tho quiet form it is hiding from
horl And tho twiight scorns to hurry
past hor and gladly loso Itsolf in tho
A caro-worn old woman sits watch
ing tho shadows como thoy aro f rionds
to her friends that sho wolcomos for
thoy always sing tho samo song to her,
"Ono day nearer homo." And ns sho
smilos to them hor than ksshe, too, ro
pouts, Ono day nearer homo." And
so llfo woman's life goes on In tho
tw light till rost comes to hor weary
body and joy to her waiting heart
till hor spirit reaches its homo, whoro
never a shadow can fall upon it
New Orleans Picayune.
Traits of the Bloodhound.
Thorc's a groat deal of nonsense in
tho northornor's abhorronco of the
bloodhound." said a southorn gentle
man, "llo's not at all a forocious ani
mal There is really uo difference bo
twoen him and tho fox, stag, or other
bounds, save in training.
"Tho true bloodhound, tho old
southorn hound, is tho Talbot. Tho
hound of that brcod is tall and largo,
larger than the fox hound, broad chost
od, and ultors a doop bay. Ho has a
good, what might bo callod a dignified
faco. Ho' s tremendously slow in tho
chaso (ovon a good walker can koop
up with him if tho ruu is long), but
bis scont is something wonderful.
He'll follow a trail twolvo or fourteou
hours' old, and through herd nftor herd
of animals liko tho ono no's aftor.
"But if blood of somo other animal
is-spilled across tho trail, thou he's
gono; the blood confusos him and
throws him oft It is from this, nnd
tbo fact that ho will follow a wounded
animal as accurately by the blood as
tho traok, that ho gets bis namo, not
from any peculiar ferocity.
"The Talbot usod to bo trained on
tho English and Scottish borders to
pursue cutllo thieves and othor
marauders. Thoso slouthhounds, as
thoy woro callod thero. aro still kopt
in somo of tbo big deer parks in the
north of England.
Thoro Is a dog in the south callod
tho Cuban bloodhound that was some
times employod in hunting down slaves,
and is, porhups, found among the
packs usod in following escaped con
victs. It is not a bloodhound, how
ovor, but a cross of mastiff and bull
dog. Its scouting is poor bosido that
of tho true bloodhound; it is good for
nothing but to hunt men, and is fierce
and bloodthirsty. Tho Spaniards
trained It in the first placo to hunt In
dians, and afterwards followod runa
way slaves with it It has stolon tho
bloodhounds' numo and given thorn its
"Tho big Russian grayhound, which
has a cross of bull dog, cau bo taught
to follow men liko a bloodhouud."
Sew l'ork 'felt gram.
The Signal Service Discounted.
Tho Piules dance to bring on rain.
Holding a Sunday school picnic has
the samo effect littsburg Chronicle.
Why women kits women no one hu ever
yet Leeo able to determine, but it ia gener
ally agreed, we bellere, tbat men kits women
bocauta the vromea want them to. Atom
LEAVING THE HOUSE
Interestlna Exnorlonco or London
CnroTnlccr nnd n Pncntc-Tlilcr.
Thore is a class of old, or oldish, wo
men in London Mho mako a profes
sion of taking chargo of housos
during tho nbsonco of tholr pro
prietors, says Casselfs Magazine. Mrs.
Blogglnst tho occasional charwoman,
is ono of this class, and is always at
call, bolng only too glad to givo up
'her two or throo, days n woek obaring
for tho cortalnttos of a "honso to
mind," which at any rate, Is good for
bad and board and firing, nnd a fow
weekly shillings to boot But though
Mrs. Blogglus bus soon so much of tho
world, sho has, unforlunntoly, fuilcd
to fathom its illusions, nnd is not quito
a sharp onougb guardian to proporty
in thoso ovlt days.
Last autumn Mr. Sorvawrlt, tho law
yer, migratod with bis family to tho
soasido, loavIngMrs. Bloggins in high-ly-satisiicd
possession of his hnndsomo
rosidonco, with nothing for tho old
damo to do but to answor calls and
forward lotters. All wont well for a
timo; but ouo fino morn ng comes a
rat-tat-tat at tho door, announcing tho
arrival of a magnificently drossod eou
tlomun in patont leathers and lavender
kid glovos,hot with bastoand urgency,
to consult with Mr. Sorvawrlt on busi
ness of momonlous import. "Not at
home, my good woman? Nonsonso! I
toll you I must soo hlml" "I bog your
honor's pardon, I'm suro. sir; but all
tho family Is agono into tho country."
"Doar mo! dour moi Toll mo where
will a lottor roach him?" "This hero's
tho placo, sir" handing him a card
with tho soasido addross. "I must
writo to him this instant Show mo
whoro I can writo not a moment
must bo lost Quick, my good woman!
quick, for goodness sake!" "This way,
if you please, sir;" and Mrs. Bloggins
shows tho gorgoous stranger into tho
back dinning-room and seats him at
Mrs. Servawrlt's handsome dovoport
wiioro nro abundant writing matorials;
and to bIiow her manners, thore sho
leaves him to transact his correspond
ence. If 'ho could havo soon how effectu
ally with a small implomont produced
from his vest pocket ho fastened tho
door nftor hor und how deftly ho open
od, clonrod out and roclosod tho chof
fonier containing tho plate, stowing tho
lattor in his legion of pockots, sho
would havo swooned away on tho spot
Next bo writes a note, lots himself out
Into tho hall, hands tho note and a
shilling (a counterfeit) to tho damo,
expects a promiso that sho will post
tho missivo right ahay and gradually
stalks away. Mr. Sorvawrlt gots tho
important lottor noxt day:
"Deau Sin:" it tuns, "I can but
compiimout you on tho good tasto you
havo shown in tho selection of your
plato. I was nlwavs pavtial to tho
fiddlo patterned articles, and when
elegantly chased as yours are. thoy
are doubly welcome. Tbo fish slices
nnd tho gravv spoons aro substantial
and to my liking. Tho toddy ladles
are really unique. I approve also of
tho spado guinea at tbo bottom of tho
punch bowl, which last-naraod article
I shall preserve in remembranco of
my brief sojourn under your roof. Yours
(thoy were, mlno they are;,
And tliUM, adding insult to injury,
was Mr. Sorvawrlt enligiitoned as to
the hazards of leaving homo.
No ono gots vory Intimato with tho
Italians. Thoy nro vory warm-hearted,
sociable and easy up to n certain
point; there it ceases. Tho young dip
lomats who llvo in Romo notice
tliis; ulthough they huvo lost '.heir cus
toms nnd one of thoso is a certain ro
pollant ntniospboro where extreme in
timacy Is oxpoctod. Thero is in Romo
tbo moro's tho pity a slow vanish
ing of the picturesque; but, although a
Roman princess ma.- wear a modern
gown nud retain nothing of tho past
but her splendid jowels, sho is tho
samo proud lady that sho was, or that
hor great-graudmothor was. and sho
liko her, ropols intimacy or familiarity
beyond a cortaiu point Ono very Im
portant point is that thoy never wish
to be touched. In our country a lady
talking with anothor will ofton lay hor
baud on her friend's arm; this is con
sidered a very groat and objcotionnblo
familiarity by tho Italian. "Never
touch tho person; it is sacred," is au
Italian proverb. A lady in Italian so
ciety, to bo very pollto, will shako
hands whon introduced to an Ameri
can tho first time, but sho rarely ox
tonds hor hand tho second timo, sho
makes a doep nnd gracoful courtesy. It
bur friend is in affliction, sho comos,
takos her hand and presses it to her
hoart; but thore is nothing of tiio free,
easy, caressing, none of that iutimato
kissing, nothing liko tiio super
ficial iutimacy which wo obsorvo be
tween American women.
A Mark of Respeotibllity.
"I believo 1 shall shuvo off my mus
tache." "Ob. don't!"
"Aud why notP It troubles mo a
good deal, and it would bo a groat ro
lief to get rid of it this warm weath
er." "See hero! Do you want to bo tak
en for a ball player or au actor?"
A Cheerless Pastim?.
Waiting for tho fish that bito other
people's hooks is what wearies.
Milwaukee Joum '
A. Lieutenant's Story.
It Is a somowhat raro thing to como
across n good story tcllor in this world
ono who knows how to ombolliah
his yarn just enough and yot not to
doloy tho point too long. If thoro
evor was a good hand at this sort of
thing Lloutonnnt Walsh, of tho signal
sorvico corps, is that ouo. This morn
ing ho wns in a fino mood, and told
tho following thrilling story of advon
turos in tho far southwost:
"Sovoral yoars ago I was inspecting
stations in tho wost I had just nr
rive.d at a littlo station out in tho di
rectionit doosn't matter where. Wo
had como across tho alkali dosort, nnd
my throat and ores woro fillod with
tho dust. I had to send my clothos
out to bo boaton just liko a carpot
Thoy woro perfootly whlto.
"Aftor 1 look a bath and got drcss
od I folt hotter, and decided to walk
down to tho signal station. This was
In tho morning. Tho man 1 found in
chargo was n big, raw-boned follow,
over sixfoet high, with as villainous a
countonanco as ovor you laid oyes on.
Somohow or othor I took a d sliko to
him from tho first look I gavo him.
Well, I wont Into tho office and over
looked things. It is usually tho cus
tom to oxam no all tho proporty in tho
stororoom also. I wont into It, tho
man keening with mo all tho timo. It
was a small room, about tho slza of a
largo closet Thero woro a lot of box
es in it. I looked into somo of them.
In shov.ug thorn around I saw ono un
dor thorn all. I looked at it, but this
follow wo' 11 call him Thompson
said, That is my personal property.'
Thero was ono tiling about it that I
noticed at tho tho timo and that for
Bomo reason stuck, in my ho'ad and
probably was working thore all tho
timo, although I did not know it.
"This box, whicli was pilod away
nndor all tho others and all covorod
with cobwobs and dirt had a now
screw drivon into It aud tho scrow had
brokon off a slivor of wood which look
ed quito fresh. 1 noticed it at tho timo,
but thought nothing of it
"I wont to tho hotel for my dinnor.
At the tablo a man sat next to mo who
attractod mv attention right away.
Ho was drossod liko a cattleman and
bad all tho rough ways of this class,
but somohow or othor ho impressod
mo as a man who was not wearing his
own clothos, so to speak. It was only
a slight improssion, but it grow on mo
as I observed him. Ho soomod nnxous
to talk and opened u conversation with
" Tondorfoot?' ho inquired.
"I d dn't liko his looks at all and
tho impudence of his manner mado mo
answer him vory shortly with a
" Thought 1 saw a gun on your
shoulder this morning?'
' -Not much.'
" 'Nor fishing-rod. either.'
" 'What might a tondorfoot liko you
bo it doing out horo inspectin'?'
' 'What Is that your business, sir?
Anil who told you that I was a tender
foot?' said I. I was out hero on thoso
plains before you woro born, as it is
plain enough to suo from tho way you
wear jour disguise.'
'At this last word bo colored up and
soon after loft tho table. A gentleman
on tho other Aide of mo said:
" -Who is that follow?'
"I haven't the ghost of an idoa,'
" ! think bo's n stranger in town,'
he said, after a moment 'There have
been a good many burglaries horo late
ly, and wo huvo watched strangers
" 'Nothing moro wns said, nnd nftor
dinner I went down to tho signal office.
1 noticed that Thompson did not huvo
on a uniform. So I nskad him:
' 'Where's your uniform?'
'Haven't any.' ho sa d.
This madu mo regard him with
still moro suspicion. Ho had to take
an nfternooi observation nud telegraph
it into Washington. Aftor ho took It
'I'll go dewn to the tolograph oflico
'How long will you bo gone?'
"About au hour.'
'Woll.' said I. I'll wnit horo until
you roturn, as I havo somo writing to
"He wont out nnd somohow or oili
er I began to wondor what was in that
box that looked ns though it were
newly screwed up, and yet was hid
den uway under all tho others. Tho
idea of looking into it grow upon mo
until I decided to unscrew the lid. I
went into tho closet and pulled it out
I soon hud all tho screws out and lift
ed tho lid off. You could have knock
ed mo down with a featbor. It was
fillod to tho brim witli sllvorwaro
spoons, knives, forks, etc. The rascal
bad been disguising tho burglar undor
tho signal sorvico oilicor.
"1 began to put the lid on again, aud
had just finished putting in tho last
crow when I hoard a step besido ma
I turned quick as a flash. Thompson
had returned and tho carpet had dead
ened tho sound of Ids footsteps. Ho
was stunding just behind me with a
revolver pointed at my bead. I nover
thought what 1 was doing so far as I
know, but by a sort of reflex action of
tho musclos 1 knocked tho rovolvor up
with tho scrow drlvor I had in my
hnnd. It wont off against tho coil.ng.
and wo closed for a llfo and doath
-Thompson was taller than I and
moro powerful. I was and always
havo boon short-winded. It is all right
with mo for a minuto or so. but thon I
am plnyod out Back and forth wo
wrostlod, nnd ho was boginnlng to got
tho bost of mo whon I thought of tbo
old trlok at wrostling taught mo at
Trinity collogo, Dublin. 1 folt for his
collar bono with my chiu. I found it
and down ho wont
"All this tlmo. thoy told mo aftor
wards, I had boon yelling murder nnd
pollco loud enough to wuko tho wholo
town. Just as Thompson foil In dash
ed i y fresh friend at tho diuner tablo.
An accompllco of Thompson's? Oh,
no a Chicago detective, who had tho
signal ofllcor In his bracelets quick as
a flash. . Thompson got fivo yoars in
tho penitentiary, and I got a dinnor
from tho prom nont citizens of tho
to wu. " Exchange.
The Shak3pearean Negress.
Hurrv Korneil tells a story about his
recent trip south, says tho Now York
" mm. Ho was nt dinnor in a Miss
issippi hotoi when ho suddenly dis
covered that ho was being waited up
on by n tall, majostic, and romarkably
line-looking colored girl. Sho was
autocratic oxclusivo and supercilious
to a remarkable oxtont. but finally Mr.
Korneil succoodod in winning hor con
fidonco and thoy startod in to convorso.
"Wouldn't you liko to como over to
tbo theater to-night?" said tho actor,
putting somo moro sugar in his coffoo
and reaching for tho corn broad.
"Vnoty show, isn't it?"
"Woll, yes." said Mr. Kornoll, I bo
"No. snh," said tho girl, sedately."
"Don' caro for v'rioty shows. Doy
"What sort of shows do you like?''
"Well, I can't say 1 caro much for
thoators, anyhow. Seems mighty silly
fob pooplo to run around tho stago
trying to mako tliomsolvos boliovo
"I should think Mary Anderson
might please you, thon?"
"No, sir; don't caro fob Miss Ander
son. Sho looks too much liko a
sycamoro tree liko a sycamoro trco
wavln' Ms long limbs In tho winter
"Do you liko Oliver Doud Byron?"
"No, sab; ho bores me, too. Ho's
ono of thoso wrotched creatures that
thinks it's funny to shoot off guns and
things on tho stage. No, I don't caro
for M stcr Byron."
"What do 7ou think of Fanny
"Miss Davenport" said tho wait
ress, languidly, "woarlcs mo, too. Sho
always has somo wrotched lovor that
she i3 trying to dio for iter on tho stage.
The fact is, as I said befoh, pin actors
boro mo; but when ono of Mister
William Shakspoaro's plays comes
along horo thoy have to uha n mo to
Mrs. O'Raherty Visits the Cir
cus. "Good Monday moniin' to ye, Mrs.
O'Rahorty. I hear jo was at tho circus
"I wus, Mrs. O'Flnhcrity. And all
the animals tiiat woro in tho ark woro
there. But tho moukoys! Thoy took
tho cako, they did. I did often hoar
Mary Ann rnidin' about man coniiu
from the moonkoys, but I did nivor
belavo it until yisto'duy. I saw nil
owld alio moonkoy, which I supposo
must have como from tho owld sod,
for 1 nivor saw any wan' that lookod
moro loiko yo yorsllf, Mrs. 0'Flnher
"Liko moi A moonkoy lookin' loiko
mo! I nivor hud n grouter iusoolt of
fered in e, Mrs. O'Raheriy."
"Faith uu' if yo had soou tho owld
lady yo wouldn't take it for an iusoolt
ut all at all, for siio is rule good,
lookin', wid very beautiful teoth very
much ixposed loiko yer own, an' if she
had yer owld shawl and bonnet on tho
very ilivil himself couldn't toil hor from
"Indado, Mrs, O'Rihorty, it'll bo
shtroikln' ye I will if 1 shiny hero much
longer, so to save trouble I'll go in, I
"Do ns yo loiko, Mrs. O'Flahorty,
nn' I" lido tho sumo, but I'll alwuys
shticktoit that that owld moonkoy
lookod moro loiko yo than any wan I
ivor did soo." Kentucky Stale Journ
al. An Incurable Blindness.
Charity is a paradox to tho covetous.
Tell n miser of bounty to a friend or
mercy to tho poor, und point him out
his duty, with evidoncn as bright und
piercing as tho light, yot ho will not
understand it. Ho shuts bis oyes us
close as his hands. In both casos
thero Is nn incurablo blindness, caused
by a resolution not to see; and. to all
intents aud purposos, ho who will not
open his oyos Is, for tho tlmo being, as
blind as ho who can not.
A Pathetic Appeal.
Spinster (to bird fancier) Havo you
a parrot sir. whose lifo has boon quiet
nnd uneventful and whoso choice of
English is something above tho aver
age? Dealer Yos, ma'am, I havo just tho
bird you'ro looking
Parrot (Imploringly) For gawd's
sake, boss, dou't let mo go. Life.
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