Hemingford herald. (Hemingford, Box Butte County, Neb.) 1895-190?, July 24, 1896, Image 4

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    By Neptune's Services.
Thero waa tho lotter addressed
Yory plainly, in Thorpo Creighton's
rather peculiar hnndwritiug, to Mies
Daisy Edliffson.
Whnt should sho do with it?
Deliver it, nnd bo let her cousin
win and wed tho man whom bIio hcr
elf loved? No, Maud Illldrup wna
neither generous nor honest enough
to do that.
Destroy it? No, shodidnot quito
dare to pursue that course, though
It would havo well suited her plans;
for eho know that Thorpo waatoo
modest, nnd perhaps a littlo too
proud also, to woo very long with
out apparent encourngoment.
She could not itnpnlo herself on
either horn ef the dilemma, sho
thought, but would compromise.
So eho slipped tho letter into one of
thoso old, novor touched, books on
tho upper shelf efhor unclo's book-
"No no knows that I received tho
morningmail from our lottor-carri-er,"
she said to herself, "so there will
bo no inquiries as to what has bo
como of this horrid lotter. If it is dis
covered at any futuro day which is
not likely I, of course, will bo igno
rant of how it camo there."
Dishonesty docs seem to prosper
for a long, long timo, and there wero
no inconvenient questions as to where
tho morning lotters were.
Meuntimo,ns Maudo presumed to
bo tho case, Thorpo wna on his way
to Snn Francisco, whore ho hoped to
receivo an o ncournging reply to tho
fervent words of lovo which ho had
penned to Daisy tho night before he
started on his trip.
Cunning, fair-seoming Maude had
taken enro to bo present at each of tho
interviews ho had had with her cousin
between tho timo when ho announced
that ho had accepted tho offer of n
flno position in a banking houso in
Snn Francisco, and tho hour of his
departure; thereforo ho had been re
duced to tho necessity of committing
his burning thoughts to unsympa
athoticpen nnd paper, and Maudo
had guessed correctly as to tho con
tents of the hiddon lotter.
"Daisy, dear," asked Muude, care
lessly, shortly after Thorpo's dopnrt
uro, "don't you think it's very queer
that Mr. Croighton went away with
out pi oposing to you? Ho was so
dovoted to youl And I, for one, did
not dream that ho was only flirting;
did you?"
"Wo girls aro very apt to mis-construe
tho meaningless attentions
with which idlo young men flatter
us." answered Daisy, with studied
"I wonder if it is truo that ho has a
lady-lovo out there, and that is why
ho Avas so ready to go!"
"What? I've novcr heard any such
"You nover havo? Why, how odd!
Where wero your ears?" said Maudo,
who hud herself heard no bucIi rumor
until this very moment, when she
had originated it.
Pride and maidenly reticenco kept
Daisy fromoxhibitlngany griof at her
Suondnm lover's defection. If, she
ioughtt ho had been morely friendly
in his visits, sho would givo no ono
tho chnnco to see her wear the willow
for another girl's property; so she
smiled, nnd danced, and well, yes,
flirted the least bit. And blind ob
servers said to ono another:
"Who would havo imagined that
Thorpo Crcighton and Daisy Edliffsou
wero only friends, ufter ulll"
A few weeks passed by, and then
Maudo received an invitation to visit
on old schoolmate who resided in
Snn Francisco; no ono buthersclfand
her futuro hostess knew how skillfully
bIio had angled for this invitation!
But no matter; sho got it, and ac
cepted it, and then contrived to cross
Thorpe Creighton's path again, when
ns alio thought, the edgo ol his love
for her cousin would have been dulled
by her seeming indiffereneo or re
jection, if that letter had indeed been
a bona fide offer of marriage.
Her letters homo were full of tho
good times sho was having, and sho
contrived to bring in Creighton's
namo very often. To Thorpe himself
Bhe relnted long accounts oft lie many
conquests Daisy waB continually
"I would not havo behoved two
yeara ago that my demuro consin
could hav developed into such a lit
tlo flirt ns pho is now!" said
Maud to him one ovening, anx
joub to ascertain his present senti
ments. "No one who looked into her clear
brown eyes would havo given her such
an appellation," ho Buid, sighing.
"Oh, sho don't mean to flirt! But
why that sigh? Surely, you wero not
ono ofher victims?" asked Maud,art
lessly. "Ah! but I was! Did sho not tell
"No, Indeed, oho knew that I nov
er approved of her trifling and
But she did not renlly refuse you?"
'I griovo to sn' that she did."
"Oh, I'm so Borryl Foolish girl!
Sho gnvo me no hint of it, and 1 Leg
your pardon for jesting on such a
subject. Aro you sure you under
stood her?"
"I wrote it; I wrote to her the very
night bpforo I left homo and begged
her for just ono word of hope, but
not a lino has she ever sent me! It
has occured to mo lately that per
haps sho failed to recoivo my letter.
Maude did not waut him to nour
ish any notion of that Bort, so she
hastily replied:
"I happen to know that sho did got
a note from you tho morning yon left
homo, for I, myself, received it from
tho carrier. I remember, too, tliat
jiiBt nbotit that timo sho hnd a good
deal to say about vain people mis
construing other pcoplo'B courtesies.
Poor fellow I am not surprised. How
can a girl bo so heartless!"
Sympathy is very sweet, especially
when rosy lips and tender, blue eyes
express it to an unsuspicious young
Pretty soon Mnudo began to havo
hopes that her plot would prove suc
cessful, Thorpe called on her very
often and showed her many atten
tions. To bo suro, most of his talk
was about Daisy, but then Mnudo al
ways contrived to bring in Bomo bit
ofnowfl nbouther cousin's last iiirta-j
tion, which nover failed to plant a
sting in nor listener's Heart.
Just aB sho was begining to feel al
most sure ofher game, there camo a
hindrance in tho chase.
Thorpo received a cable messngo
saying that tho husband of his only
sister had just died, unexpectedly, in
Florenco. leaving four littlo children
and a delicate wifo among strangers;
ofcoursoThorpolostnotimoin joining
her, cabling to her to remain in
Florenco until ho got there.
Maudo could not possibly conjuro
up auy reason for running off to
Itnly on such short notice, though
sho fain would have dono so, and sho
had to let him go without hearing
tho decisivo question from his lips.
However, ho promised to write fre
quently; that was something.
Sho knew just what steamer ho was
to tako from New York, bo she eager
ly Bcnnncd ths passenger list to eoo
if thero wero uny familiar names up
on it, tho nnmes of any who would
bo likely to know tho Ldliffsons, but
to her relief none such appeared.
Her relief was groundless, howover,
for two names printed as Mrs. How
ardson and Miss Hownrdson wero in
correctly substituted for Mrs. How
ard EdllfTson and Miss Edliffson!
Both Daisy and Thorpo wero very
much disconcerted when they discov
ered that they wero to bo penned up
togother for a week in tho narrow
limits of nn ocean steamer, but each
was too proud to lot tho other sus
pect that a truo heart was aching nt
apparent inconstancy.
Each held aloof from tho other.
Thorpo made Daisy wretched by his
many courtesies to a charming
young widow and her littlo fniry of a
daughter, and he, in turn, could havo
wrung with a hearty good-will tho
slender neck of a callow Yolo "man"
who danced constant attendance
upon Dnisy.
Tlioy hud been six dnys out, with
favoroblo wind and weather, when
tho doctor, a genial Irish gentlemnn,
camo up to tho group of which
Thorpo and Daisy wero uncongenial
members, and said:
"Well, my friends, you are not
quito so euger for letters as most
travelers aro!"
"What very green travelers you
must tako us to bo if you think wo
look for tho postman while wo aro on
the high ecus!" exclaimed ono lady,
"Oh, no!" he answered, with a
quizzical smilo. "Do you not know
that, among other improvements,
wo of this lino havo communication
with Bhoro so that wo have mail de
livered now and then?"
"No! Nor do you know it, eithor,"
Dnisy said, seeing that tho doctor
glanced oxpectnntly nt her.
"Nevertheless I havo some mail for
ono of my pnsscngors."
'01l A iirfn wliinli lint -ftim lrn
fjnvo you in Now York for you to
uind to her today," suggested Mrs.
"Wrong ngoinl I have a bona
fldo, now, fresh letter) with an un
broken eenl and a properly canceled
United States postage stamp on it."
"Really and truly?" usked Daisy.
"Really and truly! Honor bright!"
"Then 1 supposo ono ot tno nii-
irovements ofyourlinois that you
mvo secured tho services of Neptuno
as letter-carrier."
"Now you've hit it, Miss Edliffson!
Tho old chnp came aboard this
morning nnd handed mo nletterwith
his tridont. A letter for somo ono
before me."
"Ah, doctor, wo'vo cnught you
napping! Neptuno only comes
aboard Bhips when they cross the
equator and wo are terribly out of
our courso if wo'vo dono that!" was
Thorpe'b flrst remark.
"Neptune makes exceptions in our
behalf, especially when tho letter is
for a lady; no is gallant, as nil of us
salt water dogs are!"
As ho thus spoko tho doctor held up
alettcrwhich, ns nil could see.seemed
to bo sealed, stamped, addressed and
never opened.
"Miss Daisy Edliffson, No. 087G
Elm street, Vernon Center," rend the
lady nearest to it.
"Why, it is for me! That is my
name nnd nddrcssl" exclaimed Daisy,
in great surprise. "Whero did you
fjot it? Is it not an old ono which you
invo found nud rc-Bcnledjusttorfun?'
"Yes; whero did you get it?" repeat
ed Mrs.Edliffson.noticing thnt Daisy
looked confused when she paw tho
writing upon it.aud that sho blushed
and hastily put it into her pocket.
"I was looking over thnt old copy
of Don Quixote which you kindly lent
mo and there I found it.'
"Old" that miserable- Don Quix
ote!" snid Mrs. Edlifson, laughing
heartily. "That is a joko on my
very good but absented minded hus
bnnd. When I wis packing my
stenmer trunk I asked him to hand
mo, from tho top shelf of tho book
case, and old English prayer book
which belonged to my grandmother,
as I thought I would hko to use it
for her sake while I was in England.
Lo, when I opened my trunk ufter
wo wero well out to sea, I found this
Don Qulxoto inBtenl of ray prayer
Daisy waB very qurct for somotimo;
ono glanco hnd shown her that the
hand-writing on tho cnvclopo was
that of Thorpo Creighton, nnd tho
date tho day ho had left Vernon Cen
ter; alio know, too, that from whero
ho was standing when tho doctor
hold it up ho must also havo recog
nized his own handwriting.
It was tho very lettor which Maudo
had bo cunningly concealed, never
knowing that in her hnsto to return
tho book to its shelf rIio had unwit
tingly placed it next to whero tho old
prayer book had laid for over 20
How waa bIio to know that tho dim
brown bindings of both books wero
so much aliko that her undo easily
Thorpo could not contain his cur
riosity, could it possibly, bethought,
bo tho letter to which ho hnd so hun
gered for just ono word of answer? So
ho soon contrived an opportunity to
say to Daisy:
"Miss Edliffson, surely it cannot bo
considered rudo to inquire about a
lotter written by one's self, bo I ven
ture to ask you if that is the ono
which I wrote- to you the night before
I started for California?"
"Yes, it is," bIio answered, blush
ing. "Did you purposely refrain from
rending it then, so that you might
not bo obliged to reply to it?"
"No, certainly notl I nover saw it
until to-day, and I cannot imagine
how it crept into poor old Don Quix
ote." "Your cousin. Miss nildrup, told
mo that you had received it, and
"Then, if sho know that it come,
sho knew moro than I did!" cried
Daisy, indignantly. "Sho novermen
tioned it to me, if bIio knew that it
was there."
"Then it is not too Into for mo to
look for nn answerl When will I get
Tho words were simple, but oh, tho
"Oh, Neptuno is tho only postman
employed oy this lino of steamers, so
you must wait until he comes around
"Neptuno Is gnllnnt, you know,
and if you wero to ask him to tako a
lovo lotter ho would surely make all
"Well, when I see him I'll givo it to
him," sho replied unconsciously.
"So your roply is to bo a lovo let
ter!" cried ho, joyfully, in a very ten
der whisper. "But how much better
for you to speak tho lovo than mere
ly to writoit!"
now tho good nntured doctor did
laugh when ho was told that ho hud
been tho means of mending two
broken heart!
"When I have a love letter to send
I'll bo sure to send it by old Neptuno,"
ho said. Detroit Echo.
Affected riety.
Ths Congrogationalist.
Some people enn not, or at any
rate do not, talk about religious sub
jecta except with tho uso of a special
phraseology and u peculiar tone ol
voice, neithor of which they over
ndopt under other circumstances.
Wo know some who never walk up
tho aisle to their pows in church ex
cept with body bent, ,head drooped
between the shoulders and slightly
bowed, nnd a tetering, tip-toeing sort
of gait, as if a natural, upright car
riage wero an unhallowed thing,
Theso peculiarities usually, if not al
ways, aro duo to a reverent spirit,
butnro tho illustration of a mistake
as to what is essential to the exhibi
tion of such a spirit. In most in
stances they do hnrm to others, and
sometimes they react mischievously
upon those in whom they appear.
Nothing is more important as an ele
ment of influential personul piety
than naturalness. When one who
hns become a professor of religion is
perceived by his ncqunintances to bo
stiff and formal in speech, they dis
trust him a little. Words or phrases
in regard to religious subjects which
are not natural to him, apd which
evidently do not express any real
feeling or actual experience of his own,
inevitably have a parrot-like, sing
song effect, which repels because
it suggests a doubt of their sincerity.
Whatever causes us to seem artificial
robs us of power over others. Even
if it repi '-sent an actual and proper
frnmo of mind, nnd is effected only in
appearance, it does no good; indeed,
it does positive Harm. iNnturnlness,
therefore, straightforward simplicity,
must be preserved as much ns possi
ble. Tho danger of losing thin lies
lnrgely in the fact that young Chris
tians often supposo that they aro ex
pected to speak and act liko those
who are much older, and their elders
often treat them as if this wero desir
able. But it is not. Boys nnd girls,
young men nnd women, on entering
tho service of Jesus Christ, nro to re
main young people, and should not
bo encouraged to put oa the manners
of greater age. The chief thing for
tlipm to aim at is to be consecrated
young peoplo, to think nnd tnlk und
behave with tho same unaffected nat
uralness ns over, but with a holy
purpose and spirit which may sweeten
and ennoblo their wholo conduct nnd
influence They should not even
think much about being natural, for
studied naturalness is almost impos
uiblo. Wo nil ought to think httl
about ourselves, and much abouo
tho Lord Jesus Christ. When our at
tention is fixed on him wo aro the
simple, natural, and useful disciples
thut wo ought to be.
Tlio Iron Duke's Breeches.
Ono morning when tho duke of
Wellington wna at breakfast, says
Cassell's Magazine, ho received a
lotter in nn unknown nnd rather
illegiblo handwriting. With a view
to obtaining a clow to its contente
ho put on his eyeglasses and scrutin
ized tho signature, which ho read "C.
J., London." "Ohl"onidhis grace,
"tho bishop of London, to bo sure.
What does tho bishop want of mo, I
wonder7" .Then he began at tho be
ginning and read tho note carefully
through, an expression of bewilder
ment nnd perplexity gradually over
spreading IiIb faco as ho did bo. Tho
writer craved his grace's pardon for
tho intrusion and requested as a per
sonal favop that tho duke would
kindly permit him to como nnd seo
his fumous Waterloo breeches.
"Why, tho bishop must havo gone
madl" exclaimed the duke, ns he let
his glasses fall. "Seo my Waterloo
breecliea! What in tho world does
tho mnn want to seo mv breeches
for? However, I'm sure I've no ob
jection if ho hns a curiosity about
them. A queer whim, though, for a
bishop to tako into his head."
Next morning tho bishop of Lon
don, on sorting his pile of correspon
dence, found among it a letter bear
ing a ducal crest, lie opened it and
read as follows: "My Dear Lord: You
ure perfectly welcome, n8 fnr ns I am
concerned, to como and inspect the
breeches I wore at Waterloo when
ever you liko. It's true I haven't a
notion whero they are, but I daresay
my valet knows, and I will communi
cate with you moro definitely in a day
or two. Yours, very faithfully, Welling
ton." "Tho poor dukel" ejaculated
the bishop of London, in a voice of
the profoundest commiseration. "I
always thought it was foolish of him
to enter political lifo after his mili
tary career. He must bo helplessly
insune. What a dreadful thing for
tho country, to bo sure!" So tho
worthy bishop, with mnny sighs,
went into his study and wroto akind
letter to the duke of Wellington,
remembering that persons who aro
mentally afflicted must be dealt with
tenderly. Ho thanked his grnco
for his kindness, bub as
sumed him as delicately as ho could
that ho wns not in tho least anxious
to inspect tho historical relics in ques
tion, and begged thnt the duke would
give himself no further trouble in tho
mntter as far us he, tho bishop of
London, wns concerned.
It was now tho duke's turn to bo
astonished. "I can't have been
dreaming, he snid in his perplexity.
"And yet tho bishop's flrst letter was
plain enough." Then ho did what ho
ought to havedonointhe flrst instance
ho called for his secretary, Col. B.,
and laid tho wholo matter before him.
"I am afraid it's your grnco who has
made the mistake," said Col. B., on
irrepressible smilo flitting over his
faco us he examined the two letters.
"The first letter is not from tho bish
op of London ntall;nor does the writ
er say anything nbotit the breeches
you wore nt Waterloo." "Not from
the bishop!" exclaimed tho duke.
"Yes it is. The signature is ns clenr
ns can be 'C. J., London.' The in
itials stand for Charles James." "It
is lrom Mr. C. J. Loudon, a scientific
gentleman who is preparing an im
portant work oh forest trees," re
plied the secretary; "and what he
wants to see is your grace's avenue,
the "Waterloo beeches, ns they are
called, leading up to your door at
Strathfieldsnye. Shall I write nnd
givo him your permission?" And
thus it fell out that both duke and
bishop were ultimately convinced of
each other's sanity.
This Happened nt Nantucket.
Ilnrppr'B Magazine
Last fall a mon was arrested for
petty lurceny nnd sentenced by tho
judge to three months in jail. A few
days after tho trial, the judge, ac
companied by tho sheriff, wns on his
way to tho Boston bont, when they
passed a man sawing wood.
The sawyer stopped his work,
touched his hot, and snid: "Good
morning, judge."
The judge looked at him a moment,
passed on a shore distance, nnd then
turned to glance backward with tho
question: "Why, sheriff, isn't thnt
the man I sentenced to threo months
in jnil?"
"Yes," replied tho sheriff, hesitnt-
that's tho man; but you
you see, judge, wo wohaven't nny
one in jnil now, nnd wo thought it a
useless expense to hire some one to
keep tho jail for threo months just
for this ono man, so I gave him the
key, and told him if he'd Hleep there
threo nights it would bo all right."
Tho Retort Courteous.
Dr. J ,lateot the"Grnnito City,"
wns a man of pawky humor nnd one
of tho most inveterate "beggnrs"for
chnritablo purposes who ever got up
a subscription list. He called ono
morning on a wealthy merchant ir.
Aberdeen, whom ho had successfully
canvassed on more than one occasion
and.having recounted tho misfortune
of a widow whoso husband hnd been
killed by q fall from tho cliff, asked
for a check in her behalf. "Well,
doctor,"said the merchant, "I'll givo
you tho sum you nsk for on ono con
dition, namely, that you allow mo to
inscribo on your tombstone the wordp
'And it came to pass that the beggn
died'." "Willingly,"replied the doc
tor, with a laugh; "but you must
ndd the rest of tho verso, 'And wns
carried by angels into Abraham's
bosom'," N. 1. Homo Journnl.
Ono Sight's Adrcnturc.
A brave man nnd n trio of villains!
These are simplo but sufficient ele
ments for a thrilling story, and tho
Reverend Sherlock Bristol, in his
"Recollections," ns miner nnd
preacher, does not need to fill them
out with fanciful dptnils. Tho minis
ter and his partner had taken charge
of the gold belonging to tho miners
of the region, with tho understand
ing that each depositor should keep
tho matter a profound secret. To
their dismay, however, they found
thnt tho report had gono over the
country that immenso sums were
lying hidden at Oak Hill Ranch.
Suspicious chnrncters began to
hang about tho house, and tho
bankers, alarmed removed the gold
from the building, nnd hid it in five
gallon cnus nmong the squash vines
in tho garden.
Ono day Mr. Bristol's partner went
some distance on business, nnd, con
trary to his intentions, did not reach
homo thnt night. It was now the
Fourth of July, nnd every mnn in tho
region, except the preacher, had gone
to town to "celebrate." There was
no one to interfere, if ho were robbed,
murdered, or attacked by cannon
ado. "Nothing special occurred," ho
writes, "till near twelve o'clock, and
I had lain down in my bunk. Then
I heard tho footsteps of several men
approaching. Stopping near tho
house, they held parley in whispers.
Then ono of them tried tho door, and
nfterwards the window.
"When ho hnd reported his failure
in entering, tho others npproached
with him and knocking loudly upon
tho door. Instantly I wns on my
feet, unlocked the door, lifted the
great latch, removed the hugo cross
bar, and swung open tho door. There
I stood squarely before them, as good
a mark as they could havo wished..
"Before mo wore threo full-whiskered
men, with revolvers, and each hold
ing in his hand a short rifle. Tho
boldness of my opening the door so
promptly disconcerted thom.
" 'Good-ovening.'soid I. 'Como in,
you are rather late.'
"Mechanically thoy obeyed, and
when they were insido Ishutthodoor,
Intched it, and put the great bar
ucross. This bewildered them still
more, nnd they peered back among
tho bunks, to see if I hnd not allies
lying there.
"1 had not a moment tolose. Step
ping back into a dark corner where
my firearms lay, and cocking my
Colt's nnvy, I ordered them to 'Lie
down! Lie npnrt!'
"The voico with which I spoke hnd
about it a vim and terror which
frightened them, and startled me,
too! Instantly they wero on tho
floor, nnd all my fear wns gone. I
felt girt with supernatural strength,
nnd for four mortn hours I held
them at bay, not allowing them to
touch one another or move.
"About four o'clock in the morning,
a horseman rode up, nnd cried
"When I opened tlie door.,.. he in
quired the wny to Cnnyon Creek, nnd
as I went out to show him tho trail,
the three men walked past me, nnd
in a single fllo went straight on, pny
ing no regard to trails or anything
else, save getting out of sight. I
stood nnd looked nfter them until
they disnppenred, nnd then went
back into my cnbin to offer, from the
heart and lips, my thanksgiving to
God, for His strange and wonderful
Spiders' Webs.
1" read tho statement in this mngn
zine not long ngo, about tho spiders'
webs thut cover tho fieldu nnd mead
ows on certain mornings in the Sum
mer which was not entirely exact. It
is not quite true in the sense in which it
was uttered, that these spiders' weba
are moro abundant on somo morn
ings than on others, and thnt they
presage fair weather. Now the truth
is, tliat during tho lnttor part of
Summer these webs are about as
abundant at ono time ns another;
but they uro much more noticable on
some mornings than on others; u
heavy dew brings them to view.
Thoy nre especially conspicuous after
a morning of fog, such as often fills
our deeper valleys for a few hours
when Fall approaches. They then
look like littlo napkins spread all
over the meadows. I Baw fields lant
Summer, in August, when one could
step from ono of theso dew-napkiim to
another for a long distance. They
aro littlo nets that catch tho fog.
Every thread is strung with innum
erable fino drops, like tiny bends.
Alter nn hour ol sunshine, tho webd
apparently nro gone.
Mo.st country people, I find, think
they aro duo to nothing but tho mois
ture; others seems tn think that the
spiders tako them iu as morning ad
vances. But they aro still there,
stretched above iHio grass at noon
nud at sunset, ns abundant ns they
nre at sunrise; nnd nro then more
serviceable to the spiders because less
visible. Tho flies and insects would
avoid them in tho morning, but nt
midday thoy do not detect them ns
readily. If theso webs havo any
significance ns signs of the coming
weather, this may be the explanation:
A heavy dow occurs under a clear,
cool sky, and the night proceeding a
day of rain is usually udowlcss night.
Much dow, then, means fair weather
and a copious dew discloses the
spiders' webs. It is the dew that is,
signiflcnnt, nnd not tho webs. Joe,
Burroughs, in St. Nicholas.
A Wedding Story.
From the liOntlon Telegraph.
Tho homily with which o.v mar
rioge services closes lacks 'atrinsic
cheerfulness nnd its peculiar charmo,
actual or suggestive, ore seldom np
prccinted by tho moro youthful class
of brides. Neithor. despite its slight
indelicacy, do all bridegrooms relish
it with a perfect zest, although, h
eummarizing the obligations of mat
rimony, it puts tho enso for tho hus
band a good deal moro ndvnntngc
ously'thnn for tho wife. I remember
an odd incident, illustrative of the
objections entertained toward this
tiresomo exordium by men of tho
"Time is monry" nnd "Self-help"
ways of thinking. It took plnco at
tho second wedding of nn honorable
and gallant friend of mine, whose
humor was abundant, but of the va
riety known ns "dry." HewnB being
mnrried, let us sny, ot South Shields,
a good mnny years ago, nnd, having
been through tho ceremony before,
as a principal, wns sharply on the
lookout for the homily, which ho re
garded in the light of a vexatious
superfluity. Accordingly when tho
curate a young and somewhat ner
vous ecclesiastic hud completed the
"buckling-to" pnrt of thoservice.and
wus mildly bleating out tho exhor
tation to "hear what Saint Paul
suith," Captain P held up his hand,
to tho offleinnt's utter dismny, and
interrupted him with tho words. "I
beg your pardon, sir; but uro wo le
gally mnrried?" "Why.yes; certain
ly you nre,"wns the hesitating reply,
"Then, sir," rejoined tho captain,
"I'll not troublo you to tell us whnt
Saint Paul said. Saint Paul may
have been a very good fellow; but ho
wasn't a South Shields man." Tin's,
snid, he gave his arm to his newly
mndn wife, and led her awuy calmly
In tho direction of tho vestry.
Tho curate, it appears, entertained
so high nn opinion of the occult vir
tues ot the homily, nnd of tho bene
flcijil effects they could not fail to ex
ercise upon a young mnrried couple,
that ho took my friend nsido a few
minutes before the wedding breakfast
and timidly nsked him whother ho
would permit him, the snid curato,to
impnrt St. Paul's views to him and
Mrs. P orally on their return from
the honeymoon trip? To this ques
tion, dictated by professional zeul
which would have dono credit to nn
Enrly Christian, my friend returned
n polite, but evasive answer. When,
however, husband und tfife came
bock to their native town, at tho
conclusion of what tho Germans so
happily term "Die Flitterwochen,"
they were so obviously a happy pair,
nnd the subsequent harmony of
their mnrried lifo proved so delight
fully continuous. ls furna their many
friends nnd ncquuintnnces knew,thnt
tno reverend enthusinst nover found
occasion to "place" his favorite hom
ily, nnd wisely left nt least two of his
wedded parishioners to work out
their connubial felicity in their own
The "Nigger" Who Woko up.
There were a lot of negroes on the
boat as pnssengers, nnd one nfter
noon ns the boat left Baton Rouge
a little crowd of us on the promenade
deck got to discussing tho colored
man. Tho colonel who wns from
Wisconsin, clnimed that the reason
the white mnn did not get nlong
letter with the negro was because he
did not study his physiognomy.
"You just sot 'om all down as lazy,
trifling, nnd dishonest," ho said to
tho mnjor, who wns from South Car
olina, "and the good suffer with tho
"Do you believe there is such a
thing ns nn honest nigger in Louisia
na?" asked tho major.
"Of courso I do."
"Could j'ou pick ono out in that
crowd down there?"
"Certainly I could."
"Well, go abend for tho cigars.
Just pick your mnn, hand him a
piece of money, nnd tell him to walk
to the stern-post and back and re
turn it."
"Sny, major, ther's thirty negroes
down there I'd trust with my wal
let." "Very well. We'll go down nnd
you pick out ono."
Tho colonel pnssed a dozen boforo
ho camo to a middle-aged man asleep
oa a sack of cotton-seed meal. IIo
studied tho fellow's face for a long
minute nnd then shook him awake.
"What's do row?" demanded tho
"I nm going to trust you," replied
the colonel. "I have been looking
you over nnd I know you to bo an
honest man."
"I ar' dot."
"Hero's a 20 gold piece. Tako it
to the stern of tho boat, make a wish
for ono particular thing, nnd bring it
Tho negro seized it mid stnrted off,
and ho had no sooner left tho stern
than wo heard a great yelling up
stairs, followed by tho bells to stop
tho boat. Wo ran up, nnd there was
tho colonel's honest negro between
us and shore, striking out liko a
whale, nnd his mouth out of ehnpo
with the gold piece stuffed into it.
While we wero still looking ho reach
ed tho bank, crawled upon tho levee,
and then turned nnd shouted:
"I just dun wished I was ashore,
an' yore I am! Good-byo, whito
"Still," said tho mnjor, ns he turn
to sit down, "tho colonel might try
a dozen more and flud them nil hon
est." But the colonel went off to his
sent-room in a huff. Detroit Frco