m
I
INr
FRANKELSBE.
1 Common Occurrence.
In all our Uvea thcro nro episodes
which wo would bo glad to forgot; of
'which wo aro so much ashamed, that
we scarcely dare to think ol them, and
when wo do, find ourselves hurriedly
nuttering tho words wo inuigino wo
ought to have snid, or making audible
npologics for our conduct to the air;
nd yet thoio aro not always episodes
wkkh necessarily involvo a tangible
sense ol wrong either to ourselves or
others, Homo such episode, in & com
ruon-placo life, such as must havo
fallen to Uio lot of many inea, wo
'would hero rovcal.
Onco upon a timo to commence- in
an orthodox' fashion a man find a
snaid lived and loved. On tho worn
Ka'a part tho affection was as
puro and generous as over filled tho
breast of a maiden; on the man's, as
warm as his nature permitted. His
love did not absorb his whole soul, it
rather permeated his mind and color
ed his being. Liko moHt men of this
not uncommon stamp, his affection
onco qlvcn is given forever. His was
not a jubilant nature, nor did his feel
ings lio noar the surface, and his man
ner was undemonstrative. Thcgirlwas
clear-sighted enough to seo what love
thcrowas, was puro and true, and sho
xnado upforitsccurcity withthoover
flowing of her sympathetic nature.
Sho idealized rattier than condoned.
Sho gavo in such measure that sho
could not perceivo how littlo sho was
receiving in return; or if alio noticed it,
her consciousness of its worth seemed
to her a full equivalent. Ho was an
artist; and circumstances compelled
tho lovers to wait, and at thosamo
timo kept them apart. A couplo of
days, onco a month, and u wcok
now and again, was a limit
of tho timo they could spend
together. This, of course, prevented
them getting that intimate knowledge)
of each other's personality which both
recognized as an essential adjunct to
tho happiness of married life, though
they did their best to obviate it by
long letters, giving full details of daily
events and of tho society in which they
moved. Tho remedy was an imper
fect ono. Strivo as they might, tho
sketches were crude, and tho letters
had a tendency to bccomostcreotypcd.
Wo only mention those details to Bhoivj,
that they tried to bo perfectly honest
with each other.
While tho girl's life, in her quiet coun
try homo, was ono that held littlo varie
ty in it, it was apart of the man's stock-in-trado
to mix with society and to
observo closely. Whother lip liked it
or not,- ho was compolled to make
friends to such an extent as to afford
him an opportunity of guaging char
acter. Unfortunately for tho pur
poses of my study, ho had no sym
pathy with pessimism or pessimists.
lio loved tho good and tho beauti
ful for their own sakes, and in his art
loved to dwell on tho bright sido of
nature, a sido which tho writer has
found so much easier to meet with
than tho moro sombre-coloring wo are
constantly told is tho moro predomi
nating one in life. Liko most artists, ho
was somowhat susceptible, but his
susceptibility was on tho surface; tho
inward depths of his soul had never
been stirred aavo by the gentlo
girl who held his heart, and she wns
such as to inspiro a constant, and
giowing affection rathor than a dem
onstrative passion.
At ono of tho many houses at which
ho was a wclcomo guest, tho lover
found a young girl bright, sensuous,
beautiful. Unwittingly, ho compared
her with tho ono whoso heart ho held,
and the comparison was unsatisfac
tory to him; do what ho would, tho
honesty of his naturo compelled him
to allow that this beautiful girl was
tho superior, in a number of ways, to
her to whom he hnd pledgod hi? life.
Ho was caught in tho Circe's chains
of golden hair, aud fancied almost
hoped yet feared lest, liko bonds of
cobwebs in tho fairy tale, tho toils
were too strong for him to break.
Ho could see, too, that tho girl re
garded him with a feeling so warm,
that a. chanco spark would rouso it
into a flamo of love, and this gavo her
an interest as dangerous as it was fas
cinating. His fancy swerved. Day
after day ho strove with himself, and
by efforts too violent to bo wise, ho
kept away from tho siren till his in
flamed fancy forced him back to her
Bide.
To the maiden in tho country ho
was partially honest. In his letters
ho faithfully told her of his visits, and
as far as he could, recorded his opin
ion of tho girl who had captivated his
fancy. Too keen an artist to bo blind
to her faults, ho dwelt on them in his
frequent lottcrs at unnecessary length.
"When tho lovers met, tho girl ques
tioned hiin closely about her rival,
but only from tho interest bIio felt in
all his friends, known and unknown,
for her lovo for him was too puro and
strong to admit of jealousy, and ho
with what honesty ho could answered
her questions unreservedly.
Littlo by little ho began to examine
liimself. Which girl did ho really love?
Should he not be doing a wrong to
"both by not deciding? The examina
tion was dangerous, becauso it was
not thorough. Tho premises were
true, but incomplete. Yet wo should
wrong him if wo implied that ho for a
moment thought seriously about
breaking off his engagement. Even
had ho wished, his almost mistaken
feelings of honor would havo forbidden
it. This constant surface introsuec
tion a kind of examination which
had not the subject been himself,
ho would havo despised and avoided
could havo but ono result an
obliquity of mental vision. Ho had
a horror of being untrue untrue to
himself as untrue to his lass, and yet
ho dreaded causing pain to a bosom
so tender and innocent. When he sat
down to writo the periodical letters to
the girl to whom ho was engaged ho
found his phrases becoming moro and
mora general and guarded. Ho took
pains not to lee her know what he
felt must wound her, and tho letters
grew as unnatural as they had been
the reverse: thev wero descriotive
of the man rather than tho rcnex ol
his personality.
The country girl was quick of per
ception. Tho letters wero moro full of
endearing terms than over; thoy were
longer and told moro of his life; yet be
tween tho linos shecould sco that thoy
wore by ono whose heart was not at
rest, and that a sense of duty and not
of pleasure prompted tho amplo
details. Their very regularity was
painful; it seemed as if tho writer
was anxious to act up to tho letter
of his understanding. Sho knew that
thelotters were often written when ho
was tired out. Why did ho not put
oil writing, and taking advantage of
her love, lot her cxerciso her trust in
him? Eagerly sho scanned tho pages
to find the name of her rival, and
hUying found it, would thoughtfully
weigh ovcry word of description, of
blamo or praise.
When the lovers mot, sho questioned
him moro closely than bho had ever
dono before Ho was seemingly as
fond as ovor; no endearing namo, no
accustomed caress was forgotten. Ho
spoko of himself and his friends as free
ly as usual, and all her questions wero
answered without ashndowolrcscrvo.
Yet tho answers wero slower, and his
manner absent and thoughtful. For
a timo sho put it down to tho ab
sorbing naturo of his pursuits; but
littlo by little, a belief that sho was
no longer dearest crept into her heart
and would not bo dislodged, try as
sho might.
Sho thought sho was jealous, and
struggled night aud day against a fault
sho dreaded above all others; then, in
a paroxysm of despair, she allowed
herself to be convinced of what sho
feared, and loving him deeply, prepar
ed to mako the"grcate.st saenfico an
unselfish woman can offer. Ho no
longer loved her; it was best ho should
bo free
When ho had been with her last, ho
had told her that his ensuing absence
must perforco bo longer than usual,
and this, sho thought would bo the
best time for her purpose.
"Dear Frank," sho wroto at thecud
of a pitiful littlo letter. "I am going
to ask you not to come hero next week.
This will surpriso you, for in all my
other letters I havo told you that
what I most look forward to in lifo is
your visits. But I havo been thinking,
dear, that it will bo best for us to
part forever. I often nsk myself if we
lovo ono another as much
as wo did, and I am afraid
wo do not. A loveless married lifo
would bo too dreadful to live through,
and I daro not risk it. It is better
that tho parting should come through
me. Do not fancy that I am reproach
ing you; I cannot, for to mo you aro
abovo reproach, above blamo. All I
feel is that our affection is colder, so
wo had bettor part. God bless you
Frank; I can never tell you how deep
ly i havo loveii you. jsi,sh:."
Frank was almost stunned by tho
receipt of this letter. Ho read it and
ro-read it until ovcry word seemed
burned into his brain. That thogirl's
lovo for him was less, ho did not, be
hove; ho could read undiminished af
fection in tho vague phraseology, ir.
tho studied carefulness to tako equal
blame on herself. That sho should bo
jealous was out of tho question; long
years of oxperienco had taught him
that this was totally foreign to her
trustful nature. Thero was but ono
conclusion to come to. Sho had given
him up becauso she thought his hap
piness invohud. Yet &hu wished him
to bo free; might it not bo ungracious
to refuse to accept her gift?
J" reel Thero was a terrible fascina
tion in tho sound. Ho tho bondago
over so pleasant, be it oven preferable
to liberty itself, the idea of freedom is
irrcsistably alluring. If tho sumo
bondago will bo chosen again, thcro is
a delight in the consciousness that it
will bo your own untrammelled choice.
Frank wns aware of a wild exultation
when ho realized the fact that ho was
a freo agent. In tho first flush of lib
erty, poor Elsie's image faded out of
sight, and that of tho siren took its
place. Now without wrong ho might
follow his inclinations. Ho determin
ed to writo to Elsie, but knew not
what to say, and put it off till the
morrow.
Thore could bo no harm in going to
tho house of his fascinator; it was
pleasant to think that ho might now
speak, think, look, without any men
tal reservation; there would bo no long
er any need to watcli his actions or to
force back the words that would tell
her that sho exercised a deadly power
over him. Tho girl received him with
a winning smile, yet when ho touched
her hand, ho did not feel his brain
throb or his blood rush madly through
his veins as he had expected. Ho bore
his part through tho evening quietly,
and owned that it was apleasantone;
still, tho flavor was not what he had
expected. Ho called to mind that
when ho was abroad for tho first time,
ho had been served with a peculiar
dish, which he remembered and often
longed for when unattainable. After
several years, ho had visited tho samo
cafo and ordered tho samo dish. Tho
same cook prepared it and tho samo
waiter served it, but tho taste was not
tho same; expectation had heightened
tho flavor, and tho real was inferior
to tho ideal.
So it was with Frank. 'Before, when
tho siren had seemed unattainable,
ho had luxuriated in her beauty, ad
mired her grace and genius and rov
elled in her wit; now. when ho felt he
might call theso his own, his eye began
to detect deficiencies. Tho girl noted
his critical attitude, and chafed at tho
calmness of his keen, watchful glance.
Whero was tho open admiration sho
used to read in his eyes? Piqued at
his indifference, she grow silent and
irritable, and when ho bado her fare
well, both were conscious that an ideal
had been shattered.
Ha buttoned his overcoat, and pre
pared for a long walk to tho lonely
chambers whero ho lived tho usual
careless, comfortless lifo of a bachelor
whoso purse is limited. All the way
homo ho submitted himself to a deep
and critical examination. Ho felt ns
if ho was sitting by the ashes of a fail
ing firo which ho had no means of re
plenishing; the night was coming, and
ho must sit in tho cold. If passion
died out, where was he to look for tho
sympathy, the respect, tho true friend
liness which alone can suoplv its ulaco
in married liter Then he thought of
Elsie. He had mado a mistake,'
but a very common mistake. Ho
had thought that tho excitement of
his interest, tho enchaining of his
fancy, and the enthrallmcnt of his
scnBes, was love, and lol it was only
passion. He analyzed his feelings
moro deeply yet, and getting below
the surface-currents which aro stirred
by the winds, saw that tho quiet
waters beneath had kept unswerving
ly on their course
When ho reached his chambers he
sat down by his table and drew paper
and ink toward him. "I shall not
accept your dismissal, Elsie," ho wrote,
hurriedly, in answer to her piteous
letter; "I should bo very shallow if I
could not read tho niotivo which
prompted your letter. I shall como
down as usual, and wo will talk over
it till wo understand each other fully.
Till then, you must believe mo when" I
tell you that I love you all the more
for your act of sacrifice, and that I
lovo you moro now than I havo over
dono before"
Frank and Elsio havo been long
married, and arecontent. Thero is no
fear of his swerving again; but tho
event described left its mark on Frank.
do knows now that ho was on the
verge of committing a grievous mis
take, and ono which might have dark
ened all his future lifo. For it is not
great events, involving tragedies and
tears, that impress themselves most
deeply upon tho body of our habits
and thoughts; but tho tendency of our
life, as in tho case before us, is often
most deeply affected by what is no
noro than "an every-day occurrence"
ABrldo and Groom in Trouble
Thoso who read tho following inci
dent may think it amusing, but it was
no laughing matter for tho young
couplo who wero tho principal actors
in it. It is possiblo somo of tho re
cently married pcoplo who may read
it may have a keener appreciation of
the agony of tho young peoplo than
thoso who have been married a longer
time. A correspondent writes: "A
young and innocent-looking couplo
went shyly into tho ollico of tho
county clerk in our town. Ho was bo
happy that his face glowed, and a
brighter lustre seemed to havo been
given tho cheap and very shiny black
Hiiit of clothes in which ho was dressed.
He had a white necktie, and black
gloves with red and green stitching on
tho back.
"The young woman wore with mani
fest prido a drab poplin dress, plenti
fully besprinkled with whito ribbon
bows; her hands were in whito cotton
gloves; a white hat, with a whito tissue
veil bunched up all ovet ft, and falling
to her waist, was on her head.
"Tho county clerk know very well
what this style of costume indicated,
and was not in theleast surprised when
the young man camo forward and said,
with a simper,
"I'd like to to buy a marriago
license'
'Yes,' said tho clerk.
'"How much is it?'
"Tl.tvm rlnllnvw
"'Yes, that's what I thought, and I
"Tho smilo on his round face gavo
way to an almost ghastly pallor, as ho
hastily drew his empty hand out ot his
pocket.
" 'Why, 1 I put that pocketbook
right in here!'
"Every pocket was searched. The
bride's face assumed an anxious ex
pression by this time.
" 'Mother said I ought to pin my
pocket up, or put my money in my
hankcher,' ho said as he htood before
his bride a picture of distress.
"Tho bride's voice trembled, as sho
said, 'Can't you fi-li-nd it anywhere,
Jason?"
" 'No, Mutidy, I can't' ho said with
n suggestion of tears in his voice.
But l'vogotfivodollnrs moro nt home,
and wo'll come to town agin to-mor-icr.
" '0 Jason, don't you know it's a
sign oi death to dress for a weddin'
and then not git married?"
' 'But I don't b'leove in them foro
signs, Mandy.'
' 'I do. Anyhow, what'll folks say
when wo go back homo no moro nier
ried than wo was when wo come away?'
and sho put her handcrchicf to her
eyes.
" 'Well, there's no uso bellerin',
Mandy,' said Jason, tho tears in his
own oyes.
" 'And there's everybody invited to
tho weddin' party to our house to
night! I don't see what ever made you
go and loso that money!'
'"I couldn't help it, Mandy.'
' 'You ought to havo been careful.
Oh, dearl oh, dear!'
'"I thought I was careful, Mandv'
Land knows I'm us crazy for this wed
din' as you are'.'
" 'Couldn't you please sir Mr.
Clerk, couldn't you trust us for the li
cense? Wo'll bring the money right in
to-morrow, nnd it'll mako such fools
of us to go back homo as singlo us
ever!'
"Tho brido's tearful blue oyes and
tho eloquence of her appeal were too
much for the clerk. lie hastily made
out tho license, becoming responsible
for it himself, aud the bride and groom
went away happy.
"Before noon tho next day tho
young Benedict camo in with the three
dollars aud a whole basket full of 'fix
in V from tho wedding-supper of the
nieht before." Youth's ,Comnaninn.
Not Afraid of a Big Subject.
Bismarck is the greatest man in
Europe. Napoleon Bonnpaite was
not only the greatest man in Europe,
or of modern times, but of all times.
Ho lost hts grip in Russia. Charles
XII. was the greatest king of his age.
He had the most of Europe at his feet,
yet he found his doom in Russia a
century belore Napoleon did. Napo
leon studied the campaign of the fiery
Sweedish king and saw its mistakes,
which he avoided, or thought he did,
when he himself went to Moscow.
Nevertheless he was ruined in Russia.
Might not Colonel Bismarck learn a
lesson from this bit of history?
HOW TO KISS.
Tho First Caress Must bo Quick,
Crisp and Elastic
From the Chicago Times.
A kiss is the seal of affection. By
ron valued a kiss by its strength, and
measured its strength by its length,
but tho measuration of kisses went
out of fashion long ago. A kiss is a
duet of lips.in which a most holy lovo
may be oflered and accepted. To a
young man in the springtime of lifo a
ki98 is tho delirium ot love. Acord
ing to Niphus a kiss is at onco tho
token ofboldness,confidcnco and affec
tion. A kiss is the rapture of bliss, tho
messenger of love, tho cable of the
heart, an indescribable, transcendent,
magical something that is at once a
feast and an insatiable famine
Sydney Smith found much virtue in
a well-deltvored kiss, and the earl of
Chesterfield looked tho world over for
cool, caressing kisses. Harriet Mar
tiueau.who never had any ono to kiss
but vagrant bluestockings and tho
neighbors' babies, wroto about
"tho kiss of tho mouth that touches
not the mouth," and dear littlo Motta
Comstock would not tako a second
time kisses that were not quick, crisp
and elastic. Kisses has been called
tho heart's tongue, and though a
lover be never so groat an orator one
kiss on the lips of iiis idolatress is oft
en more eloquent rhan a library of
works or a canto of verse. A gift re
turned is the voice of displeasure, but
a returned kiss betokens esteem.
Dickens valued a kiss above a thou
sand ki;ks. Sir Sidney Garth lived to
'.earn that a kiss might prove a trai
tor in an angel's dress. Walter Sav
ngo Lundor seoms to havo had a pas
sion for kissing crying women, for ho
thought it delightful to kiss the eye
lashes of lovo with fiesh tears on
them. Poor John Keats wroto ono
evening as he sat with his knee in his
arms toasting his toes in front of
Jeannio Welch Larlyle's hearth-fire:
"J. camo to feel how far abovo all fan
cy prido and fickle maidenhood, all
earthly pleasure, all imagined good,
was the warm tremble of a devout
kiss."
Do Levis called a kiss the door that
opans tho citadel of tho heart, and
poets and people of all ages havo
found mysterious virtue, bitter-sweet,
magic, and elixirs, and lotions of
greater or less potency, but the acme
of human happiness, wroto a poeto3S,
is that we may kiss whom wo please
and please whom wo kiss. A kiss to
bo a success must havo mutual inter
est; thero must be a reciprocity in the
operation, or somebody sutlers tho
punishment of disgust. Kissing an
unwilling pair of lips is as mean a vic
tory ns robbing a bird's nest, and
kissing too willing ones is about as
unfragrnnt a pastime as making bou
quets out of dandelions.
At the start the average man makes
a botch of kissing. Tho beauty of a
kiss lies in its impulsiveness and its
impressibility, nor is it .possible to
make the first one too brief. There is
danger in tho attempt to make the
initial kiss complete. Tho girls won't
have it. There ij too much audacious
avarice about it. The thing to do is
to go ac tho fair creature's lipsslowly,
so as not to fruhten her. It is to
bo expected that she will draw them
away Irom the point of attack, but
instead of retreat the thing for hero
ism to do is to kUs her on some place
on the cheek, tho temple, behind tho
ear or on the hair. A woman's fan
cies ate as branching as the trees of a
forest, and however unsatisfactory to
the swain the misplaced kiss may have
been, it will, if left to itself, make tho
r cipient wondrous indulgent next
time. She will caress tho spot whore
your lips havo been, look at the place
through a hand-glass and dream o?
the oiio who placed it there. When
sufficient progress has been made m
the love-making to warrant the ideal
kis, take it methodically, with both
hands and "tho gentlo touch that love
can teach." Lettholettarmgo about
not her neck, to wrinkle a crepe-lisse
ruche and muss a 75-cent coiffure,
dressed lor your specinl bonefit, no
doubt but about her shoulders.
Tako her chin in the right hand, al
lowing tho threo lingers to touch tho
pretty white throat, holding the face
with the thumb and forefinger, which
will form a sort of v'se for love's con
quest. Move her head to ono sido and
a littlo backward and approaching so
as to mako tho quartet of lips de
senbo tho diameters of nn imaginary
square, kiss her twice the second
double tho length of its very short
predecessor. This double kiss is a
clew to a man's culture. Only the un
couth, ill-bred lover kisses as he
learned to count by units. Tho gen
tleman who has the good fortune to
be born in an atmosphere of refine
ment makes a duet of his first
and final salutation, whatever may
bo the numerical value of tho interme
diates. Tho well-bred girl wants
short, snapping kisses, that pop in
audibly, but still that pop. A kiss on
the hair is the kiss of a poet, tender
ness is implied when tho lips press tho
eyelids; reverence is spoken when the
brow is caressed, and protecting love
when the cheek is empearled,
Nothing can sanctify a kiss but
love, without which tho sweetest lips
aro unsavory and unwholesome.
A Scotch story is that of a diminu
tive drummer, in a local brass band,
who was in tho habit, when out
parading with his comrades, of walk
ing by sound and no' by sight, owing
to his drum being so high that he was
unable to seo over it. " The band, on
Saturday afternoons paraded usual
ly in ono direction, but the other day
tho leader thought he would change
the route a little.and turn down a by
street. Tho drummer,iinaware of this
movement kept on his accustomed way
drumming as hard as ever he could.
By-and-by after linishinghis part and
not hearing tho others, lio stopped,
and pushing his drum to one side, he
looked to see what wa3 tno matter.
His astonishment may be imagined
when he found that ho was alone.
Hae!" he cried to some bystanders,
"has ony o' ye seen a band here-aboot?"
Gigantic Fossils.
Dr. Lorenzo G. Yates, an aosociato
of the London Philisophical Socioty,
has this to say about the oldest re
mains of man and fossils found in
California: The first authenticated
record of tho original occupants was
found on tho Tablo Mountain region
in Tuolumne County, and is of an age
prior to the great volcanic outburst.
Fossil remains of the rhinoceros and
of an extinct horse are found un
der tho lava layers forming the
Table Mountains, which aro
1,100 feet thick, 1,700 wide,
and many hundreds of feet high,
where tho river beds havo been wash
ed out and have been covered again
to the dopth of from D.OOO to 4,000
feet more since the flow of tho lava.
This lava rests on a bed of detritus,
which is often entered in running tun
nels. Tho human relics and stone
implements found in these formations
give evidence of human inhabitants
difforing from any known since Thero
have been found' spear heads, a pipe
of polished stone, two scoops of rock,
resembling the grocers' seoop; an im
plement of aragonitc, resembling an
unbent bow, but tho use of which is
unknown and cannot bo conjectured;
a stono needle, with notches at tho
larger end, and tho finest charm
stones that havo over been found.
Theso relics so accidentally found dif
fer so much in character and work
manship as to indicate the existence
of a race entirely different and pos
sessed of moro artistic skill and me
chanical ability than any known
since
Tho relics of the races after foreign
habitation aro plentifully found in
bones in tho Devils's Canon, in Placer,
and in Calaveras. Mammal fossils
aro to bo nneatthed in various locali
ties, and there have been brought to
light the fossils of nino mastodons,
twenty elephants, various pachyd
erms in tho Tablo Mountains, numer
ous evidences of animal lifo in tho cal
careous formations in the Texas flats,
spear heads, fossils of tho elephants,
horso and camel about Hornitas,
bones and evidences of prehistoric
human industry in Tqllare, and in
Trinity and Siskiyou many proofs of
tho contemporaneous existence of
man and extinct mammals.
Tho elephants wero larger in size
than tho largest of tropica! climes;
tho llama was 18 feet high besides
which tho animal of Central America
would be a baby; the tiger was larger
than the largest Royal Bengal, beside
which there were monster horses and
oxen. The remains of theso aro
plentifully found in Alameda County,
not far from Centreville.
In the San Joso Valley are deep lay
ers of coniferous trees in such a car
bonized state that they crumble inro
dust when exposed to the air. Thoy
art) of the pliocene period, and show
that the entiro topography of the re
gion has changed, and that where now
the valleys and mountains are desti
tute ol timber there were onco conifer
ous and deciduous trees affording
food and shelter to monster mam
mals, in comparison to which man
was but an insignificant mite.
In the layers of the mioceno period
are found in California the remains of
amphibious animals not to bo found
elsewhere, but nowherenow does there
exist, on the northern continent n
species of the mammalia which had
life and existence there. It is ques
tionable, declared tho writer of the
paper, whether nnv relics have been
left of the race which existed after tho
volcanic cataclysm, ufter which also
the country assumed its present ap
pearance. ' -
Juryman's Tribulations.
At amiiMiig instance of how juries
aro sometimes befogged was told re
cently by Mr. Cluules P. Norton in
his legal talk before the Buffalo Young
Mens Christian Association. Tho
incident was related m the pathetic
words of ono who spoke from experi
ence, as follows: "Tho case was about
a man named Brown, who married
the half-iistcr of a man named Adams,
wlio afterwards married Brown's
mother, and sold Brown a house he
had got from Brown's grandfather in
trade for a gristmill, of which the
other half was owned by Adams'
hulf-sistei's first husband, 'who left
all his property. in trust to a soup
society till his son should como of ago,
which he never did, but left a will
which gavo half of his mill to Brown,
nnd tht suit was detween Brown and
Adams, and Brown again and Adams'
half sister, who was divorced from
Brown, and a man named Ramsey,
who had put up a new overshot
wheel for the grist mill. Tho case
wasn't an easy ono to understand,
and it didn't get finished tho whole
day. They argued over it a lull
week. When there were no moro wit
nesses to carve up, one lawyer made
a speech, and ho set that crooked case
so clear that you could see through it
from the overshot wheel clear back to
Brown's grandfather. Then another
lawyer mado a 3peech, and he set tho
whole thing up another way. It was
just as clear to look through, but it
was another case altogether and no
moru liko the other one than an apple
pie is like a mug ot cider. And then
they took it up and they swung it
uruuiiu mum nn it was twiscea ana
knotted and wound up nnd tangled
worse than a skein of yarn in a nest
of kittens. And then they gave it to
the jury. Well, when them jurymen
went out there wasn't ono of them ns
knew whether it was Brown or Adams
as was dead or whether tho mill was
to grind soup, or to bo run by soup
power. Of course they could not agree;
three of them wanted to givo a verdict
for the boy that died; two oi 'em was
for Brown's grandfather, and tho rest
was goin in for damages to tho wit
nesses who ought to get something for
having' their character ruined, and so
they wns discharged."
PiUNCjifH Potatoks; Form cold
mashed potatoes into balls, brush
them with melted butter, then with
beaten eg, nnd place them in a bak
ing pan, Bake in a very hot oveu
until a golden brown.
Merry Moments.
"I will nnd devise," says the mill
Ion aire, and when ho is dead his
heirs, devise ways to circumvent his
will. It is almost enough to discour
age a man from trying to be a mill
ionaireTexas Sittings.
Bronson Alcott, tin Concord Scliool
Philosopher, has left fifty-soven largo
bound volumes of diary. Ho is prob
ably tho only man in one hundred
thousand who didn't abandon his
diary when the year was only six
weeks old. Norristown Herald.
Lord Erskine, when Chief Justice of
England, presided once at tho Chelms
ford assizes, when a caso of broach of
promise of marriago was tried before
him, in which Miss Tickcll was plaint
iff. The counsel was a pompous
young man named Stanton, who open
ed tho caso with solemn emphasis,
thus: "Tick-ell, tho plaintiff, my
lord" wh6n Erskine dryly interrupt
ed him with: "Oh, ticklo her yourself,
Mr. Stanton, it would bo unbecoming
in my position."
"John," said Mrs. Brown to B., who
was absorbed in his nowspaper, 'you're
forever buried in that old paner. Ah!
you used to havo plentv to say before
we were married." "Yes," retorted
Brown, "and then you had very little
to say; but, by Jove, you've made up
for it ever since." Now York Sun.
At the Philadelphia station. She
"I don't seo why they're always pok
ing fun at Philadelphia. See all theso
people. Thero is lots going on." He
'Going on yes, to New York and
Washington." Life.
"I know it," said the borcaved wid
ower, gloomily, to tho friend who was
trying to console him, "no amount of
grievin' will ever bring her back.
Nancy wuz alius turribly set in her
ways."
If typewriting machines could only
spell correctly thoy would bo in more
genGral demand in good socioty. Pic
ayune. Crresus How much did you say Mr.
Newgold was down for? The minister
Five hundred dollar, sir. Cro'sus
Put mo down for $000 then.
In a matter of Christian charity I
can't stand on a lovel with an upstart
like him. Puck.
Countryman (at dessert) What
d'ye call this stuff, waiter? Wait
erBlanc mange, sir. Country
manI should say it was blank
mange; it's blankety blank mange.
Tako away your manao and gimmo
pie. Life.
"My grandfather was so near-sighted
that ho couldn't read circus post
ers." "That's nothing. Mine was so
near-sighted that he lost his life try
ing to milk a mule"
A Chicago journal used tq rhyme
Goethe wifh teeth, until the ' Renais
sance set in, since when it rhymes it
with dirty.
"Always pay as you go," said an
old man to his nephew "But, uncle,
suppose I havo nothing to pay with?"
"Then don't go.".
The Coffin trust is a grave under
taking, but it ought to flourish long
enough to provide all tho other
"trusts" with burial cases. Phila.
Press.
When a woman loves it's bpcaue
she can't help it; that's all. Phila..
Call.
"How was your son when you
heard from him last?" "He wrote
me that he was so ill ho couid neither
sit nor stand." "Then if ho tells tho
truth he mut lie."
Police Sergeant: "Is tho man dan
gerously wounded?" Irish police
surgeon: "Two of the wounds aro
mortal; but tho third can bo cured
provided the man keeps perfectly quiet
for at least six weeks."
"Just think," said Mrs. Walkin to
her maid, "the very next day after
my new black dress was sent home I
was callled to go out of town to a
funeral." "Wasn't that nice?" was
tho absent-minded reply.
There is a story told in the French
war office, to the effect that for ten
years a soldier was stationed in the
passage leading to tho minister's pri
vate apartments, with orders not to
let the peole touch the walls. But no
one seemed to understand why this
was done. Now, a new minister of an
inquisitive turn of mind determined
to find out the explanation of a
circumstance that his fifty predeces
sors bad never remarked. But no
one could givo him any light, not oven
tho chief clerks, nor subordinates who
had been in service half a century.
But a certain doorkeeper, an old fel
low with a good memory, recollected
that on a certain occasion a soldier
wa3 placed there becauso the walls
had been painted, and the minister's
wife had got a spot on her dress. Tho
Eaint had dried, but the sentinel had
een left.
rne uiuce nun tno isisnop.
Tho Duke de Roqueluiro when trav
eling used a very mean equipage and
dressed in a very shabby manner.
Passing through Lyons in this guise In
wns observed by the bishop of the
diocese, who was afflicted with an in
satiable appetitefor news. Tho Bish
op, seeing a stranger traveler of mean
appearance, thought ho hud only a
plehian to deal with, and wishing to
gratify his ruling passion, cried out
"Hi! hi!" Roqueluiro immediately
desired his postillion to stop, and the
curious prelate, advancing to tho car
riage, demanded. "Where have you
come from?" "Paris," was tho curt
reply. "What is there fresh in Paris?"
"Green peas." "But what wero the
pcoplo saying when you camo away?"
"Vespers." "Goodness, man! who arc
you? What areyou called?' "Igno
rant persons call mo 'Hi! hi!" but gen
tlemen term me the Duko do Roque
laire. Drive on, postillion." Tht
Duke passed on, leaving the astonished
Bishop staring after the carriage.
i
4
