Hemingford herald. (Hemingford, Box Butte County, Neb.) 1895-190?, October 25, 1895, Image 5

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Id Inhuman Vie on Victim Only
I.atelr Abolished In the Cr.ar'a Do
main Cruel Instrument Olnoleto
rolltlc of Enlightened Iluulo.
zation sheds very
slowly Us forms of
legnl cruelty. Eng
land, less than a
century ngo, used
to hung men for
trifling crimes
against the sacred
rights of property.
Russia only just
lately has nbollshod
the use of the knout, though the father
of the present Czar favored the removal
of this blood-stain from Russian rule.
Alexander II. Invited all the governors
of provinces and penal settlements to
report -upon their experience with the
knout. Without exception they had
favored its abolition. In many places
It was revealed that tho local police
resorted to It on the slightest provoca
tion; that they spared neither ago nor
ecx; that delicato women and tender
children were frequently maimed fpr
life by its use. Nor was this all. Sta
tistics were submitted which showed
that within tho past ten years 3,000 per
sons, convicted of petty offenses, had
died from its effects.
The knout is first heard of in the reign
of Ivan III. This was toward the close
of the fifteenth century. It was an in
strument even more hideoUB than any
thing now known in Russia a whip
with a handle nine Inches long, and n
very complex lash composed of six
pieces held together by two mctul rings
and ending in a beak-like hook.
The edges of the lash were sharpened
to a fine, point. Every blow cut as
with a two-edged sword. To heighten
the effect, tho trained executioner, by a
deft and artistic motion, pulled the lash
toward him while recovering, so that
the cunningly devised hook brought off
a long, thin strip of flesh at every blow.
The trousseau of the gentleman who
was being operated upon, consisted only
of a pair of drawers. Ho was fastened
flat on his belly on an inclined frnme.
the hands and feet extended at full
length and firmly bound to iron rings at
the extremity of tho frame. With a re
finement of ingenuity, the head of the
sufferer was often so closely confined
that he could not get relief for his feel
ings in howling.
Not every one could handle tho knout
successfully. It required a nice combi
nation of qualities, native and acquire'!.
Having first been born, the executioner
must be made. A cold and cruel spirit,
nn Iron nerve and great strength
these wero the gifts which some fairy
godmother must havo showered upon
him in his cradle. A long apprentice
ship would bo necessary to develop
these excellent attributes. Usually the
chief executioner was some criminal
who had himself been condemned to
the punishment he was saved to ad
minister. During his moments of leisure from
active employment It was his business
to give Instructions to pupils. A sort
of lay figure was nsed for practice. Tho
chief executioner instructed his apt and
willing scholnrs In tho art of dealing
their blows so that tho injury might be
graduated according to tho nature of
the crime or the size of the bribe which
the executioner might have surrepti
tiously received.
It tho executioner wero Inclined to
mercy he could Inflict Immediate death
by making the victim dislocate his own
neck. Or ho could protract the agony
for an hour or so by cutting Into the
With tho original knout, a sentence
of from 100 to 120 lashes was equivalent
to a sentence of death. Indeed, In many
cases the victim died under the opera
tion long before the number was com
pleted. That was a pity. Tho kindly
Russian heart, with kindness tempered
by a severe sense of Justice, looked on
tho criminal as a cheat If ho died
without receiving his entire sentence.
Therefore, from time to time the severi
ty of the knout was modified until tho
offender could receive a sentence of
2,000 lashes.
The last knout In use the knout
which has just been abolished was an
ordinary three-thonged lash tipped with
leaden balls, and known as a pletoi. It
is only fair to Bay that since the acces
sion of Alexander II. even this had been
used only in certain penal settlements
notably in Siberia.
Tho horror of tho present day, how
over, is as nothing to the horror of the
past, but stories of executions by the
knout In comparatively recent times
are horrible enough.
Take for example the testimony of a
British merchant, resident in Russia in
183C. The condemned criminal was a
murderer, twenty-five years of age. Ho
was stripped to his trousers and boots
and fastened to the stage, The knout
in this instance consisted of a handle a
foot long, with a piece of twisted hide
of similar length. To this was attached
by a ring a piece of thong of almost me
tallic hardness, perfectly fiat, about an
Inch broad and four or five feet long.
After every seventh blow the thong was
changed lest It might have lost some of
its hardness by use. The executioner
etood some Ave feet from the victim.
He slowly raised the knout till It had
attained the proper elevation, then he
brought it down with awful force upon
the middle of the culprit's back.
A deep, crimson mark nearly an Inch
In breadth and extending from the neck
to the waistband of the trousers showed
where the horrid thong had hit. A
scream, or rather a yell, of agony rang
through the air. Every fibre of the
poor wretch's body seemed In n slnto
of violent and Instantaneous contortion.
Whnck! whack! whackl camo tho blows
In quick succession till tho eighth had
been reached. Each blow was followed
by tho same frightful yell and shudder.
Then tho chief executioner gave place
to an assistant, and so one relieved tho
other until tho tale was completed. The
screams of the victim became weaker
until about tho fiftieth blow, when tho
criminal's head fell to one sldo and ho
seemed unconscious of any further pain.
When all was over his back presented
a hideous spectacle. It was one
mangled, bloated mass of deep crimson
hue. Ho was returned to the prison,
where he died next day.
Even more frightful nro tho accounts
of tho punishment known as running
the gauntlet, which wus practiced until
a comparatively recent period In the
Russian army. Ono cannot help but
shuddering at reading tho accounts of
oye-wltnesses to .these hideous proceed
The Fearful KJTect of the February
Cold Snap In tho South.
Tho readers of "Our Boys and Girls"
have boon told of the great damage done
to tho orange-groves and the fig trees
of the south by the cold "snap" of last
February, but there Is another 1033 that
we who live there have Buffered, about
which very little has been snld. Tho
severe weather not only killed our trees
but tho thousands of bright-plumed
birds that havo heretofore enlivened
our forests and groves with their beau
tiful coats and their sweet songs.
Tho bluebird, that harbinger of tho
early spring, did not give us hl8 merry
greeting this year. His bright blue
Jacket and brown-red 'breast wero
missed by everybody. Seven little blue
forms, dried and decayed, were found
in one old post on our place, where the
poor creatures had fled In vain for
The blue Jay still struts about with
his usual dignity, but only hero and
there, showing that his tribe has suf
fered fearful losses. The peculiarly sad
note of tho turtle-dove this year seems
to mourn for the death of all her
The effects upon tho several tribes of
the oriole seem to be the most curious.
They evidently look upon man as the
worker of all tho evil they havo suf
fered. Formerly it was an easy matter
to find their swinging nests near to al
most any country house, and they ap
peared not to be afraid of men. Now
they have hidden their nests far out
in the forests and they are shy even of
tho breeze as it rocks the cradle of their
young. Even the few humming birds
that are left will not come to suck the
pot plant as was once their dally habit.
The woodpecker, though only a sum
mer visitor, Is spending his vacation at
other resorts this season. His lazy call
and his constant drumming upon some
dead tree, so common in summer bo
fore, are conspicuously absent this
year. But the fell destroyer waB no
respecter of persons or rank; the royal
family succumbed as well as the peas
antry. The mocking-bird, tho queen of
tho bird race by virtue of her genius
and inheritance", is nlmost destroyed,
except along the Mexican Gulf. A hun
dred miles back It is hard to find one.
Tho gum-tree and its berries, whfch
havo been held as her homo and her
feeding ground as far back as bird his
tory runs. Is now the feeding ground of
her commonest subjects, the sap-sucker
and the yellow-hammer. I have heard
but two singers this year within a
scope where In former years I have
heard 200.
In losing a crop of oranges, figs and
vegetables, we lose dollars and a few
luxuries whose place may be supplied
by the other sweets. The trees will
grow again after a few years, but it will
bo many years beforo our groves and
forests arc full of birds again.
G. W. H
A Commonplace Life.
Tho trouble is with you, my dear girl,
that you count littlo things as of no
worth. Where we have ono great re
nunciation to make we have a thou
sand little ones, and life, which you are
inclined tq call commonplace, is not
so, for every day can bo made rich in
beautiful deeds. God, who Is Just, Is
merciful, nnd when temptation comes
to you, even If you fall, Ho remembers
that you tried to do what was right,
and so Is tender In His thought of you.
There is not ono of us who achieves,
even for one day, what we long to. But,
my dear, we can aways try for it. We
can be ready for the trouble that is be
fore us and equip ourselves by prayer
and good thoughts so that we can meet
It bravely, and, possibly, overcome it.
Of course, that Is what we wish to do,
and yet if we are not strong enough,
If we fall by the wayside, we must get
up and try again, and keep on trying.
That, in Itself, will give us strength.
And as the years go on and youth be
longs to the past, It will always, be
cause of this trying, be easier to do that
which Is right and merit "that peace
which passeth all understanding."
A lilunt Man.
An Intensely reserved man, Ibsen Is
not at all fond of talking of himself or
of his works. At a dinner somo time
ago the wife of a well-known artist,
being seated beside him, insisted on
conducting the conversation to that
end and finally maintained at length
that his "Heddn. Gabler" was an Impos
sible woman. "But, madam," he an
swered, "I drew her from the life."
"Yes, Herr Doktor, but I am a woman.
I should know. I say again, It Is Im
possible that such a woman shoutd ex
ist." This was too much for Herr Dok
tor; like a flash he turned on her.
"Idiot!" he ejaculated, which was nat
urally the end of that conversation.
An Innocent Kitten MUtuok Ills Leg
for HiIInz nml Cltmheil Up.
(From tho Philadelphia Press.)
Tho ostrich at the Zoological Gnrdon
stood In tho long yard adjoining Its
cago In tho deer houso yesterday. It
gazed contemplatively through tho bars
of the fence at tho world beyond and
shivered every once In a whllo ns tho
cool breezes swept down upon It. It
was thinking of tho difference In cli
mates and wondering whether if It
hurled ono of Its eggs as It used to do
in tho long grass during such weather
tho cool wave would hatch out an Ice
cream churn.
Whllo It was revolving tho question
In its mind a playful kitten camo
through tho fenco Into tho yard. It
was a pretty kitten pure white, ex
cept for n fow blotches that looked as
If somebody had thrown an Ink bottlo
at It, after carefully romovlng tho cork.
Tho kitten went running along tho yard
until It camo to the ostrich. Thinking
Its long, thick legs were young sap
lings tho playful kitten gave a run and
quickly climbed up them and was soon
on top of tho ostrich's back.
The hugo bird did not know what to
make of It at first, and Went cantering
around tho yard ns though tho plaguo
wero after It. Round and round It went
until red In the faco it came to n sud
den stop. Tho kitten never moved. It
had taken n firm hold of the ostrich
and did not proposo to he shaken.
"I tftqpd tho earthquako this morn
ing," said the kitten; "I guess I can
ctand this."
Finding that the strango beast re
cused to bo thus Bilmmnrlly disposed of
tno ostrich necame less scared and more
angry. It curled Its neck and twisted Its
hca'd so as to get a. fair look jit tho kit
ten. Tho kitten never winced. It began
to think It had barked up the wrong
tree, but It -was determined to seo the
matter out. The ostrich aimed a blow
at the undesirable rldor with Its beak,
but It dodged. It tried It again, but tho
result was the same. Again and again
the agllo head and long neck rained
sledge-hammer blows at tho tricky Htn
tlo kitten. It oscaped thom all, though
some were too near for comfort.
Finally the kitten got scared. It ran
out on the ostrich's neck to get out of
tho way. Then It smiled. Tho ostrich
couldn't hit It there. It's smile did not
last long, howover. With a sudden
movement the ostrich stretched Its
neck backward, encircled tho kitten
round the waist, and squeezed it until
It was dead. Then it unwound Itself
and placidly looked at the dead animal.
After a moment or two of contempla
tion It picked up its victim and flung
It as far at It could. Then It calmly re
sumed tho meditations that had been
so ruthlessly interrupted.
Tho IrUh rotlco Surgeon.
Police Sergeant Is the man danger
ously wounded?
Irish Police Surgeon Two of the
wounds are mortal, but the third can
bo cured provided the man keeps per
fectly quiet for at least six weeks.
A Maine paper claims to have a cor
respondent 4 years old the youngest In
the world.
A naphtha spring has been openod at
Grosnl, In tho Caucasus, which throws
jets of tho fluid to a great height.
A Lowell man, whllo on a hunting
trip recently, succeeded In performing
the remarkable feat of killing two foxes
at one shot.
Tho cities of London, Glasgow and
Manchester- nre considering tho ques
tion of establishing a system of munici
pal fire Insurance.
There Is a hen at Danbury, Conn.,
that must be going In for a course of
calisthenics. She has Just Jaid an egg
in the shape of a dumbbell.
In Turkey even objects of rlmc ne
cessity aro sold on credit, nnd in that
country, as well as In Russia, the tlmo
allowed Is, in mo3t caBes, twelve
In Spain four-fifths of the transac
tions are done on a cash basis, while In
Portugal great liberality Is shown and
qulto long credit la genorally allowed.
Tho lato drouth In New Hampshire
has killed thousands of young trout,
many of the small breeding brooks
having dried entirely up this season
that were nover dry before.
An Ohio man has started a nickel
popular subscription for Mark Twain.
George Lord of San Bernardino, Cal
Is said to be tho world's oldest Mason.
Ills age is 98 years.
Ex-President Harrison expects to
spend the months of November and
December at Saratoga.
Congressman" Heatwole"ofMlnneBo'ta
will be the handsomest member of th$
next House of Representatives.
Fitzgerald Murphy, author of "The
Silver Lining," the great free sliver
play, began life as a reporter on the
Now York World. He Is, not yet 30,
A Washington Market. New York,
butcher Is known as "The Sweetbread
King," and does the largest business in
that edible delicacy of any man In tho
country, his annual sales being about
200.000 pairs.
It is a curious fact that Li Hung
Chang, who is not a tobacco smoker,
has one of the finest collections of
smoking utensils in the world, He has
pipes of all agea and from all parts of
the world. He keeps adding constantly
to his treasures In this line.
G. Bernard Shaw, author of "Arms
and the Man," has been a figure of some
prominence In literary London for five
years, during which time he has al
ternately attracted attention as art
critic, novelist, socialist and play
wright. He Is a tall and rather slender
ypung Irishman of perhaps 38 years, a
non-smoker, a wit and a vegetarian.
YVhloiY of the I.nto .lounmlltt Will ran
the Itemalruler of Her lay Amid
Congenial Surrounillngn Tho Munition
In Detail.
Washington Correspondence.
f-JjiiM miuiUQ Ol UCIO-
r"P Iium mill A n tlATlf
addition to tho
many famous wid
ows who havo
chosen tho capital
for their homo, nnd
tho loss of Phila
delphia will bo
Washington's gnln.
for at that dnto
Mrs. Chllds will
tako up bor permanont residence in
this city.
Being possessed ot groat wealth It
was natural that Mrs. Chllds should so
lect tho capital, and it is now about
seven months since tho building has
begun to rise from Us foundations.
Tho situation is n flno ono, being In
tho center of the block on K street,
Just between Fifteenth nnd Sixteenth
streets, nnd in a most fashionable
neighborhood, but an equally conven
ient ono to tho ccntrnl part ot tho city.
The Whlto House Is only three blocks
away, on the next square ore the homes
of Quay, Madame Bonaparto nnd Sec
retary Hoko 'Smith, whllo on tho same
Bquare and Just at the left of tho Chllds
house Is the hugo homo of Senator Hale.
To tho right aro the houses of tho first
secretary of tho Argentlno legation and
the spacious grounds ot tho home of
Representative Hltt.
The house Is four stories high, count
ing tho cellar, which Is n most com
modious one. Tho material Is a small,
pale yellow brick and tho stone work
around the bottom Is Avondalo rock or
granite from Pennsylvania. There aro
about forty rooms In the whole build
ing, and all aro In nice proportion.
Tho entrance Is on the right sldo of tho
mansion and Is a large doorway, over
which is a pretty carving. Steps lead
up to tho wldo main hall, which Is on
tho Eccond floor. The hall runs almost
the entire length of the house, nnd on
it face tho rooms ot that floor, whllo
from It runs a broad stairway up into
tho third story. As one ontora tho hall
tho first bbject which catches tho eye
is an immenso open fire-place, over
which Is ft mirror whoso frnme Is of
antlquo oak and whose work about the
flro Is of redstone.
Tho largest room In tho house Is on
this flqor and it is tho library, which
extends all across tho front of tho build
ing. Tho chamber Is in a mahogany
known as Baywood, which is a light
tint, almost of n cherry shade. Tho
walls are tinted with n Bago green, tho
cases, doors, mantel and cornices arc
ot the wood and the effect is very fine.
Thero.are hugo wlndows,thnt will make
tho room a delightful placo for reading.
Adjoining the library Is the parlor, or
drawing-room, as It is now called In
polite circles. This room is much
smaller and cosier than the library and
will probably be In a tint ot Ivory and
gold. The grate Is set In onyx and the
delicate Louis XI. mirror is already In
place. This room, when it is tinted
and furnished In all the graceful ele
gances that wealth can command, will
be a gem ot beauty, and probably one
of the most attractive parlors in this
city of magnificent homes.
Next to the drawing room is the din
ing roonij which is quite large In di
mensions; The tinting ot this room
will be dark brown with golden trim
mings. At one end is a high mantel
of dark wood, oak, which has been
stained till it is almost black and thus
has an ulr of great antiquity. The top
Is surmounted by a largo mirror. On
the left hand is a big buffet of the same
wood, on which the silver and chlra
111 bo displayed, and Just opposite Is
$ l
nfm fr . III
- d P ' '
tho plato rnblnct, also of dark onk, in J
wnicn me rnro pieces oi piato win ue
shown against n background ot rich
velvet. Adjoining tho dining room Is
the butler's pantry. This apartment
In fitted up In unique style.
A dumb waiter descends Into tho
kitchen nnd all about the rooms aro
closets and shelves, whllo nround the
top of the chamber Is a balcony which
nllows ncccss to a second set of closets
up high against tho wall. A staircase
admits tho servant to tho china when
moro Is needed nnd thus all of It Is be
foro tho eyes ot tho mlstrcBS, but does
not occupy tho floor of the room. Just
at ono sldo Is a small closot with a
strong steel door this Is tho vault fbr
tho protection ot tho handsome silver.
Just below tho butler's pantry Is tho
cold-storago room, In which the cdl-
bloB nro kept and into which tho too is
put direct from the wugon. This room
Is on tho ground floor, Just bolow all
tho apartments boforo described.
Hero Is tho hugo kitchen with long
ranges extending across ono side ot tho
room. Next to It is tho laundry,
which line handsome tiled tubs and fi
big, tin-lined room In which tho cloth
ing can bo put when wot and drlod by
Across the hall Is tho lamp room and
adjoining Is tho wine cellar. This Is
just bolow the main ontrnnco on tho
floor nbovo and has around tho walls
wooden rnckn with Uttlo curves cut in
them, so that tho bottles will Ho safely
on their sides. Adjoining Is tho store
room for groceries,- nnd noxt Is the
servants' dining room, n large, cool,
comfortable chamber. All of tho ground
or cellnr floor la in neat colors.flnlshed
in light wood with ns much pnlns as it
it were tho drawing room. At tho bock
of tli9 houso runB nit olovntor, which
,ls an Important fenture of tho establish
On tho third floor, thnt above tho par
lor and dining rooms, nro tho chambers
of Uio mistress of the mansion nnd her
guest, Miss Poterson, who Is a niece ot
Mrs. Chllds. Tho first room on this
floor Is facing tho street, and Is a beau
tiful and spacious bath room, finished
In tho softest and most nttractlvo tints
of a dollcato pink nnd gold. A grace
fully carved mantel is at, ono side, rich
tiling floors a part of tho placo nnd the
tub is ot porcelain and full of glenming
spigots. This is Mrs. ChlldB own pri
vate bath room. Adjoining Is her bed
chamber, which is a spacious apart
ment. It is light and airy nnd will be
finished In dollcato tints ot the softest
Opening Into her bed room Is what Is
known or rather will be known as
"Mrs. Chllds' don." It Is a cosy little
room, in which she can spend her time
in reading and writing, nnd just in
front of the window is a tiny balcony
from which she can look down into
Senator Hale's yard. From this "den"
one stops Into tho sitting room ot Miss
Peterson a chamber which is much
like that of Mrs. Chllds' and will alao
bo handsomely furnished. Adjoining
this Is tho bed room of Miss Peterson,
and next to that is a bright chamber
which will bo used as a sewing room.
On the fourth floor are several largo,
handEome rooms which will be used ns
guest chambers, and are furnished In
luxurious, style. At tho back ot the flue
rooms, which face tho street, will be
the neat and comfortablo quartertfof the
A small yard is on the left of the
mansion and at the back is a pretty
stable and carriage house.
It is safe to say that the Chllds resi
dence will become one of the sights of
tho city and the social world will when
tho next season opens find that the
Quaker City baB sent to the capital ono
ot Its most attractive ornaments. Wash
ington has already within its gates
many famous women, Mrs. General
John A. Logan, Mrs. General Phil Sher
idan, Mrs. Nellie Grant-Sartorls, Mrs.
Blaine and Madame Bonaparte, as well
as Mrs. Harriet L. Johnston, among the
Where the I.nnoun rirr.
Few Americans, says the New York
Tribune, aro aware of tho fact that it
it were not for the little island of Sicily
now there would be no lemons, nor are
many aware ot the great importance
of this commerce and of its necessity
to the United States. The production
ot lemons In America is so limited at
the present time, both as regards quan
tity and EeasonB, that all ot California's
and Florida's products do not supply
10 per cent of the country's needs
After the months of August and Sep
tember, when our domestic lemon
crops mature, but for Sicily we should
be without any lemons whatsoever, ex
cept for a few that Spain sends us,
during the rest of the year. Accurate
figures show that from September 10 to
April 30 during the last five years the
Importations from Sicily have been
about 1,200,000 boxes every year, each
containing 300 lemons. This is poual
to 360,000,000 lemons.
A Nolntlle Function In High Chlnea
foclcty in Han FrnncMco.
Wing Fni, ft well-known member ot
tho Chinese colony, "was married at 5
o'clock Sunday morning to Miss Mow
Sing Yu, niece ot Li Hoy Hung, presi
dent ot one of tho Six Companies, Last
night tho brldo and groom entertained
their friends at dinner at tho Hank
Per Low restaurant on Dupont street,
Somo 200 Chinese and between thirty
nnd forty "ladies and gentlemen wore
present. TJio brldo Is a dtmuro -littlo
Chinese woman, Just 18 years of ago.
Sho Is but ft recent arrival In San
Francisco, having couie from her Ori
ental homo to marry Mr. Fat, who la
tho foreman for Louis Moyersloln &
Co., and Is worth over $100,000, says
San Francisco Examiner. There wero
hut few nt tho wedding, and tho pecu
liar f hlncBO ceremony was performed
In ono of tho temples of tho Six Com
panies. When the brldnl company ar
rived at tbo restaurant last night there
was a great display of colored lights
nnd n perfect fusillade of bombs nnd
firecrackers. Tho banquet room was
decornted In brilliant colors and aglow
with tho light of many Chinese lan
terns. Tho whlto guests wore Boated
at a dlfforont tablo from tho Chinese,
and at the table where tho lattor were
seated tho groom presided with hla
bride. Mrs. Fat had on n light green
silk costumo trimmed with gold bro
cade and many precious Btones. Tho
groom was arrayed in a silk suit auit
nble to his rank nnd fortune." Tho menu
was most elnborato and there was
nothing to mar tho festivities of tho
evening In tho least. Tho white guestB
enjoyed tho affair as much as any who
were present, and tho groom was fully
equal to tho occasion, both In the dig
nity of hlB bearing and thomnnnner
In which he welcomed tho guests in
true Oriental stylo. After tho Chi
nese fashion, tho spoechmaklng and tho
popping of chnmpagno corks opened
up the wedding dlnnner. Li Hoy Hung,
the bride's uncle, mado addrcssea both
In Chinese and English. A Chinese
dinner of cholco and rare dishes was
then servod. But these many and va
ried courses did not conclude tho repast
for to tho surprise of many of the Chi
nese and whlto guests a dinner cooked
and served in tho American style fol
lowed. Each lady in tho party was
presented by the bride with a fan, n
pair of ivory chopsticks and a Chlncso
bracelet. Every gentleman received na
n memento of tho occasion a handBomo
pipe. At tho conclusion ot tho dinner
the guests repaired to one of the Chi
nese theaters, where a performance by
Chinese children was In progress for
the entertainment of Mr. and Mrs. Fnt.
The latter nnd their relatives to
gether with all tho white guests, occu
pled boxes and seats on tho stage.
Ho Felt ft Drausht.
"My- father," said Simpson, solemnly,
"was more Bensltlvo to colds than any
body I ever know. Tho slightest-exposure
gav him a cold,"
"That must have been very disagree
able." "Indeed, it was. Ho never could nit
near a draught for a minute without
catching a cold, I remember on one oc
casion he was Bitting In the house ot
a friend when all nt onco my father be
gan to sneeze. Ho Insisted that thero
was a draught In tho room. Every ef
fort was made to discover where tho
draught was, but In vain. Tho doors
nnd windows were closed nnd thero
was no fireplace, but my father kept
on sneezing nnd Insisting that there
must bo a draught in the room, and
io thero was."
"Where waB It?"
"It was found that the stopper haa
been left out of the vinegar bottle,"
When a fool opens his mouth evory
one with good eyes can seo clear
through his head. Ram's Horn.
Tho mills of justice not only grind
slowly, but they frequently grind up the
wrong people. Elmlra Telegram.
Fond parent: "I wish, Bobby, that I
could be ft little bpy again." Bobby;
"I wish you could littler than me."
Teacher: "How did sin come Into tho
world?", Tho new Boy: "The preacher
picked out nil the things people liked
to do and said they were sins," In
dianapolis Journal.
Miss East (at an Oklahoma ball);
"Pardon mo for treading on your too,
sir." Alkali Iko (gallantly): "Not n
toll, mom! Not a-toll, I assure you!
Pardlng me for bavin' ft toe." Puck.
Cbolly: "Thought you wero going to
marry Miss Kostique?" Gussle: "Going
to aw8k her 'to-night. My chances are
about even." "How so, deah boy? "Sho
must either say 'yes or 'no. "Phila
delphia Record.
Doctor: "I felt some Blight delicacy
at first in telling you it waB triplets."
Mr. Muchblest: "That Is nothing to the
delicacy 1 shall feel In telling it to the
nurse who Is coming to-morrow." New
York World.
Client: "You have. saved my estate.
How. can I ever recompense you? Law
yer: "I am disposed to make it easy for
you, with several payments, you know.
I am willing to take the estate as the
first payment." Detroit Tribune.
Mistress (to cook): "Your name, Mary,
and my daughter's being the same
makes matters rather contusing. Now,
how do you like, say, the name Brid
get?" Cook: "Sure, mum, it's not mo
tha's particular. I am willing to call
the young lady anything you like."
Chummy; "What would you think of
a man that always went round talking
to himself?" Gruffly; "I Bhould say If
he did it to listen to himself he was a
fool; it he did it to avoid Hst'.nlng to
bis friends, be was a genius; and if he
did it to save his friends from listening
n him h trim n nhllAnlhrnnfRt ,
I Truth.