w 5? -i J T pi A nc 9- j SHARP POINTS. People never toll tho exact truth. Modesty will earn a man moro than ability. As a rule, when aBtory is funny, It 1b not true. A picnic Is not a success unless there Is plo to throw awny. Most people Just drag along until It is time for them to die. A laugh is an awfully good bluff to tnnko when troubles appear. A man never knows what la coming until it gets right on to him. There Is one thing to the credit of old tnalds; they accumulate no-kin. When a man stops smoking, and be gins again, ho feels mighty sheepish. A man with a future isn't as Interest ing to people as a woman with a past If you nBk a boy how his boll is, ho will take on" the bandage and show you. Some peoplo imagine that as soon as they get married, they must kiss In public. If a man expects to amount to any thing, ho must accomplish It in spite of hard luck. Marrying men are beginning to re mark that women have too much Idle time tra their hands. There tiro lots of men who are pretty In society, but "who aro as absolutely ufcIceb ns dried 'currants. Js'o -woman should give -way to grief; Jot her "keep her hair frizzed, and every thing may come around all right. Nearly all the women recite these 'flays. They will simply have to quit It; tho men are shy onough as It Is. 'Much as people 'llko to hear secrets they have tho greatest admiration for the friends who have never told them any. "Wo have noticed 'that when a man is approached about advertising, he says he will "think about It," or "see you again." The people should remember when eating, that Death keeps his white horso ready with tho harness on in this weather. JETbAM. A. now locomotive- near Wlshlngton raado thirty-five miles in thlrty-threo minutes, and for a part of the dlstanco ran at the rate of 102 miles an hour. Tho mop on the north wall of the Broad street station of the Pennsyl vania railroad In Philadelphia is fifteen feet wide and 126 feet long, and Is said to bo the largest map In the world. Tho incomes from the London dally papers are thus put down: Dally Tele graph, 130,000; Times, 120,000; Stan dard, 70,000; Morning Post, 45,000; Daily Chronicle, 40,000, and Daily Nows, 30.000. It is estimated that 30 per cent of the iron manufactured by Tennessee f is sold outside of tho southern states. It fa cntrt in ta (ha fnvnrHrt Irrtn wlftl nlnn MM,M fcvr M" vww.w .w. . i'.-, ow and stove makers In the east and north. ; '-'" '" .-- Tho total wheat crop, of Now Zea land for this year is 3,613,000 bushels, or 1,000,000 less than for tho previous year. It is estimated that tho colony will have to import 500,000 bushels to supply if own requirements. Of the four nationalities making up tho population of Great Britain and Ire land, the Scotch aro tho heaviest men, the average weight being: Scotch, 175.3 pounds; Welsh, 168.3 pounds; English, 155 pounds; Irish, 154.1 pounds. Working for tho good of othcors indi rectly brings alout our own good. There Is no truo greatness except tho greatness of usefulness. The despised milkweed can bo used to advantage. Us seed yields a t no oil. A r erfoct Jain that nmdo of plums. KNOWLEDGE Bring3 comfort and .improvement and itends to personal enjoyment when rightly used. Tho many, who llvo bet ter than otharsand enjoy lifo more, with iless expenditure, by moro promptly adapting tho world's best products to tho needs of rphysicalibeing, will attest the value to thealth af .the pure liquid laxativo principles embraced in the remedy, Syrup of Figs. Ita excellence is duo to its presenting in tho form 'inoat acceptable and pleas ant to tho taste, -tho refreshing and truly beneficial properties of a jwrfect lax ativo ; effectually cleansing the system, dispelling colds, headaches and fevers ana permanently curing constipation. It h.-ji given satisfaction to millions and met with tho approval of the medical profession, becau-e it nets on the Kid nevs, Liver and Bowels without weak ening them and it is perfectly free from evorv 1 vbjeetinnablo substance. Pvrup of Ficra infor sale by all dru cist's in 50c and $1 bottles, but it is man ufactured by tho California Fig Syrup Co. only, whose name is printed on -very package, also the name, Syrup of Fig", and lieing well informed, you will not accept any substitute if oflered. PROFITABLE DAIRY WORK Can only ho accomplished with tho Tory best of toon ami . , m appliance. With a Davis jtfl Cream Sepa. rator ou tho &$$ T rt taTax 5'0U aro sure of moro jli5,l and hotter liuttr,vli"' $$& tho Mdmmed wllk U a j,- $8$Z uab: f e d- ranncMirtll SZl wake no rats- take to get a vfii jft, " Illustrated J&S$&$ a'a!oguo inal cl v kkc -- Agent wanted Li)AVI3 & RAN5IN 15LDG. & BIFU. UU. Car. Banish & Deirbcrn Cts. Chlc8. THE CAGE MAKER. N the town of the nnclcnt kingdom of Casttlo thero lived, In former ages, n youth called Bar tolo, who tried to eke out a living by making cages for birds, and taking them around to soil at the neighboring villages. But his trado was a poor one, and he judged himself In luck If ho sold one cago In tho day, and, as may bo supposed, ho knew what sorrow and privation were. One day as he was proceeding to a village ho heard the sounds of revelry, the buzz of many people, and the strains of a band of music. This merry-making was a procession of chil dren dressed In white, carrying In their midst a beautiful child crowned with roses, In a chariot covered with white satin, and ornamented with acacia and tnrytle. This procession was In honor of Maya, tho personification of spring, and took place to announce tho entry of spring. In front of tho little chariot some children danced and held in their hands tin platters, for contributions, and, as mny bo Imagined, all, or nearly all, tho spectators drowned their coins Into them. Bartollo moved away In a despond ing mood, saying to himself as ho walked on: "13 this tho justlco of tho world? There they are, flinging their money into these platters Just because these children como In procession to announco to them that it is tho month of May, as though they could not know It by looking at tho almanac. They barter and grind me down to tho low est prlco for my cages, even when I chance to sell ono!" Full of these bitter thoughts, he walked on sadly, for the voices of two Importunate enemies were making .hemselves heard within him these wero hungor and thirst; the ono clam ored for food and tho other for drink. Bartolo had nothing in his wallet but his clasp knife, and had had naught for his breakfast but hopes, and these made him sharp and active. Ho had reached a plantation, when ho perceived a well-dressed individual coming toward him. Pressed by hun ger, Bartolo, taking his cap off ro spectfully, approached and said: "Ex cuse me, sir, but could you kindly glvo me a trifle? I promise I will return It as soon as I earn some money." "Dsn't you think that It Is a shame ful thing for a man like you, young and with a good, healthy appearance, to be tWHAtlMlfl 1 1U III MV'tiWaB """l t? -7 I A BREAKFAST FIT FOR A KING, demanding charity of peoplo? Does it not striko you that you have a duty to earn your living by working at your trado?" . "Yes, sir, certainly, but ray trade does not fulfill its own duty. Most people llko to seo tho birds flying about freo rather than In cages, and there fore, day by day, I find myself poorer than before." At first tho stranger doubted what ho heard, but the blrd-cago maker gave him so detailed an account of his work and the small profits ho derived that he became Interested and sympathized with his Ill-fortune. Bartolo was a man who always knew how to excite great Interest In himself. "Come, come," the stranger said, smiling, "I will do something for you. As I cannot find customers for your cages, I will afford you a powerful means by which you shall never moro bo in want." Ho then blew a whistle, and Bartolo saw flying before him a bird blue as tho sky, which came and perchod on one of his cages. "Seo here," added the stranger, "what wllhcompensate for all your past misery. From this day forward you have only to formulate a wish and say slowly and distinctly: 'Bluest of bluo birds, do your duty! and your wish will be granted to you." "By my faith!" cried tho blrd-cago maker, "but I will try It at once. For the last twenty years I have wished to kill hunger: 'Bluest of blue birds, do your duty!"" Scarcely wero the words out of his mouth than he saw suddenly spread be foro him on the grass a breakfast fit for a prince, laid on a service of exquisite silver and glass and tho whitest of cloths. Bartolo, astonished, flung him self on his knees before his benefactor to thank him, but he raised him up, saying; "I am tho good genius of the honest worklngmen of Castile, Sit down and eat without fear. Take advantage of your lucky star," and then suddenly disappeared. Bartolo reverently bent down and kissed the spot on which be had stood, unable to find adequate expression of his gratitude. He then sat down and ate his breakfast. After bis meal, Bartolo judged tbat w kdgM' WMltJ W Mi a mnn who had feasted in such an ele gant manner ought to hnvo better cloth ing than his well-worn suit; and, lift ing his staff, he cried to the bird: "Bluest of blue birds, do your duty!" In nn instant his old suit becamo trans formed into ono of richest velvet, em broidered in gold and sliver, and his rough staff into a splendid horso fully caparisoned, and having around hla neck a collar of silver bells. Moro astonished thnn over, Bartolo suspended to the saddlo tho cago with tho bluo bird, leaped on tho horso and went his way as proud of his drcsa ns n donkey of its ears. Setting spurs to his horse, he Boon reached tho gates of a splendid castle. Some feast was taking place within. Tho guests were nil seated under a shndy bower, deploring thnt they had been disappointed of tho minstrels who wero to have played. Bartolo, on learning this, advanced to tho bower, and, after elegantly salut ing the lord and lndy of the castle, In a most refined way said: "If It be right for a simple knight to offer his services In such a distin guished compnny of rank and beauty, I think I could promlso to provide what you are requiring." "Oh, do! at once, please!" cried all tho ladles, who were longing for a danco. "Bluest of blue birds, do your duty!" said Bartolo. Suddenly, In tho distance, was heard tho noise of many feet, and a troop of musicians with their instruments ap peared, to the great delight of tho com pany. Tho lord of the castle, who knew how all this had been done through tho ngeney of the bird, and being himself of an inordinately avaricious nature, thought he might do a lino stroke of business wero ho to purchnse tho bird. Hence, calling his unknown guest away to his study, ho proposed to him to purchase the bird for what prlco ho should quote. "You would never give me my price," replied Bartolo. "For it I would give my castle, with Its nine forests," said tho lord of the castle. "It ls not enough!" "Very well, I will add my olive plan tations and vineyards." "That is still insufficient." cried Bar tolo. "I will add the orchards, gardens andl houses." "I want something elso!" "What! still more? Why, man, you must want Paradise itself!" "Not so; I want what you can give mo this xery moment. I want your daughter with whom I danced just now! Let her be my bride." "What! my daughter?" cried tho old miser, in an ecstacy of Joy; "by my faith, we shall soon conclude tho bar gain. Why did you not say bo before?" Ho went to seel; tho girl, and told her of the engagement he had entered Into. But his daughter, In utter amaze ment, cried out: "But what If he Is a wicked elf, and all ho does be witchcraft?" "You have an amulet of coral hang ing from your neck; It ls an antidote against all witchery." "And what if he be Satan himself?" "I will give you a piece of blessed candle, and he will have no power over you' replied tho unrelenting father. Taking her hand, he led her to the stranger, who was already on his horso, and assisted her to mount behind her future husband. Taking the cago with tho bluest of the birds, he watched the retreating forms of the pair as tho horso carried them swifter than the wind, and when out of sight, ho pro ceeded to join his guests. Tho com pany were all gathered in knots dis cussing the extraordinary powers of tho bird, and all the events which had taken place. "Peace! peace!" cried tho lord of tho castle, as he entered; "I will perform more marvelous things than ever ho did. I have given him my daughter to wed in exchange for the bird, and this bluo bird will render me more wealthy than the King of Aragon. Approach, and seo tho wonders I will work with it." He took the cage, and lifting It up to look at the bird, was astonished to And that It was not a blue bird at all, but a largo gray bird, which turned to stare at him In an insolent manner, gave a fierce pock at the door of the cage with Its beak, Hung it open and flew out of tho window, uttering a terrible screech. Tho lord of the castle stood with opon mouth, not knowing what to do or say. Ills guests broke out In peals of laugh ter at his discomfiture and the well-deserved punishment for his unseemly avarice of exchanging his beautiful daughter for a worfhloss bird. Meanwhile, Bartolo was galloping on with hla bride to the nearest town to bo married, and when he arrived at tho first hostelry ho wished to dismount and engage tho most splendid suite of apartments for his Intended bride, but ho found himself utterly penniless. He had not calculated that In parting with the bird he had parted with his luck, and therefore, as soon ns ho dis mounted the horse disappeared, and his elegant dress became changed for tho shabby one he had worn beforo ho met the kind individual who had wished to befriend him. When tho beautiful daughter of the lord of tho castle beheld the transformation which had taken place, she ran back to her father as fast as she could, fright load ing wings to her feet. Bartolo had to return to bis old life of making cages and to his miserable existence. "A Free ni Water." Stealing ten cents worth of drinking water from tho hydrant of tho United Utrecht Water Supply Company ls the complaint on which Thomas Feeny wag arrested recently In Fort Hamlltou, N. Y. AMEIltCAN SCHOOLS. Fruit of Tlirlr Wirk C'oinpnrrd With Vorrlcli t'uiintrlft. Colonel 1'obert O. Ingersoll gave Ut terance to n few ttiiklng educational truths in a recent address delivered be fere tho surviving soldiers of his regl went at Klrnwood, 111. Ho said: "We spend moro for schools per head than any nation in tho world. Urent It.'liain spends Jl.SOper head on tho common schools; Franco spends 80 cents; Auhtrin. 30 cents; Ucrinuny, fto cents; Ituly, Uft eolith, and tho United states over S:'. iiO. I tell yon tho school house is the fortress of liberty. Kvcry school house is an nrsenol, filled with weapons utul ammunition to destroy tho monsters of ignorance and fear, As 1 have said ten thousand times, tho school house is my cathedral. Tho teacher is my preacher. Elgbtysoven per cent of nil the people of thu 1'nltcd States over ten years of ago inn read and write. Thero is no parallel for that In tho history of tho wide world. Over 42,000,000 of educated citlxens, to whom arc open all tho treasures of lit erature. Forty-two millions of people, able to read and wrltel 1 say, thero is no mirallcl for this. The nations of autlquity were ns ignorant ns dirt when compared with thin great repub lic of ours. There is no nation In the world that can shown record llko ours. We ought to bo proud of it. We ought to build moro schools, and build thetn better. Our touchers ought to bo paid more, and everything ought to bo taught In tho public schools tbat is worth knowing. "I believe that tho children of tho republic, no matter whether their fathers nro rich or poor, ought to bo allowed to drink at the fountain of ed ucation, and it does not cost more to tench everything in tho frco sohools than it docs to teach reading, writing and ciphering, "Have wo kept up In other ways? The postofilco tolls a wonderful story. In Switzerland, goitig through tho postofilco in each year, aro letters, etc., in the proportion of 74 to each inhab itant. In England tho number is fiO, In Herman v M: lu France. 30: in Aus tria, 24; in Italy, 10, and In tho United States, our own home, 110. Think of it In Italy only 25 cents paid per head for tho support of public schools, and only sixteen letters. And this is the place where God's agent lives. I would rather have . ono good school master than two such agents." Sniiill Fry tjnrlmllnr. fouie of tlio meiinfcst of tliuoaro they who ecok tolnide upon Hint nmke cupltul nut Of tlio reputation of the Rroattt of Atncilcan tonics, lloitftter'nMomac'i lllttcis, uy 1ml tatlnjr It-iouiwuiil Hulbo. HoiiuinWe tlrun itUts. however, will never foist upon You us genuine spurious Iniltiitions of or substi tute for tills MivorelKu romedy for m:i aria, ilieunintlsiii, dysrssla, consumption, liver complaint and nervousness Demand, unit if tho dealer bo honest, you will get the gen uine article. OtliiT Victim Cmim Kiirllcr. Tho occasional contributor walked into the oillec of tho editor and bowed to that dignified but busy personage gravely. "I would like to see, the proofrcad err," be said. "1 have n trilling aiTuir to adjust with him." "Very sorry," the editor replied, "but several other gentlemen have ap plied ahead of you for the privilege of shooting tho proofreader." Chicago Times-Herald. I'liTeil with MoliiKiifii. Perhaps tho oddest pavement ever laid is one 'just completed at Chino, Cul. It is inndu mostly of molasses, and if it proves all of the success it is claimed to be, it may point a way for the sugar planters of the South profita bly to disposo of tlio mllltonsof gallons of useless molasses which they tiro said to have on hand. The molusscs used is a refused product, hjtberto believed to be of no value. It is mixed with a certain kind of sand to about the con sistency of asphalt and laid like as phalt pavement. Tho composition dries quickly and becomes quito hard, and remains so. The peculiar point of it is that the sun only makes it drier and harder, instead of softening It, us might be expected. A block of tho composi tion several feet long, n foot wide and ono inch thick was submitted to severe tests and stood them well. No Flllgrtia Work. Dean Hole tells of un old-fashioned cathedral verger, "lord of tho aisles," who ono noon found a pious visitor on his knees in the sacred building. Tlio verger hastened up to him and said. In a tono of indignant excitement, "Tho services in this cathedral ore at 10 in the morning-nnd at 4 in tlio afternoon, and we don't have no fancy prayers." Argonaut. Tor'cun nut) Doctor (Jot n Jteit. "My doctor," said a somewhat vol uble lady, "was writing me a prescrip tion yesterday. I generally usk lilm till sorts of questions while ho is writ ing them. Yesterday he examined mo and sat down to vrit something. I kept talking. Suddenly he looked up and said: 'How has your system been',, Hold out your tongue.' I put out that member and lie began to write. He wrote nnd I held out my tongue, and when ho got through ho said: 'That will do.' 'But,' said I, 'you haven't looked at it.' 'No,' said he, 'I didn't care to. I only wanted to keep it btlll while I wrote tho prescription.' ' Hail to Draw the Line, 1'oole, tho tailor, was an accommo dating gentleman, nnd was often in vited to tho houses of "tho great." When staying with a certain nobleman, he was asked ono morning by his host what ho thought of the party who had assembled the night before. "Why, very pleasant indeed, your grace, but perhaps a little tuiNed." "Hang it all, l'oole!" responded tho jovial peer, "I couldn't have all tailors'." The man is very poor who can put his riches in an iron bafe. DR. J. C. AYER'S The Only .SARSAPARILLA Permitted a; World's Fair. Highest of all in Leavening Power. Rc)xi Baking ABSOLUTELY PURE llrn' on llubj'ii limit. Two children of John Febr. residing near Straustown, tJermnny. hntt a thrilling adventure with n swarm of bees. Tho insects left the hivo in a large, black, and variegated ball, as usual when swnrming, and alighted upon a 2-ycnr-oltl child who waB play ing in tho yard, totnlly unaware of tho danger. Another child, Merton, aged 14 years, fortunately realized tho dan gerous condition of affairs, and having learned that swarms will vneato cer tain places when nolso ls produced, at ouco secured tin kettles and hammered upon them with great energy. Tho din and confusion caused tho bees to lenvo tho child unharmed, and in a few mo ments more the swnrm alighted upon u pine tree, whore tho owner subsequent ly captured them in a hive. Neither of tho children, singular to relate, had received a slngio sting. Wo will ctvo I1C0 reward for anv caso ot rntnrrh (tint enti not bu cured with Hall 8 Catarrh Cure Tulicn intpnmlly. P. J. CIIKNUY & -0., I'ropm.. Toledo, O. WlHitn Wlirnt Hrrml. A New York physician gets around tho eating of bolted wheat Hour by eating unground wheat. Tho objec tion to tlio bolted flour is. of course, well known that It is deprived of cer tain necessary nutriments to tho human body. Hence tho reason for eating graham Hour. This physician, however, does not stop with gruham flour, but eats tho grain whole, nnd says his family docs not tire of it after Its use for tbreo years. If tho cooking is well done thero is nn agreeable nutty flavor of the wheat which correstiontls to tho bououct of cranes. This flavor seems to bo lost when the wheat Is cracked, crushed or ground beforo cooking. If this flavor is not desired, tho cleaned whole wheat may be pounded in 11 tnortnr or run through a cotYeo mill. This will short en tho tlmo of cooking to four hours or less, the time required fgrwholo wheat being eight or tcu Hours. iioouuouso keeping. Motnl Wheel for Your WiiRon. Tho season for cutting corn fodder being closo at hand, It may be well for farmers to got a sot ot these low motnl wheels with wldo tires. They can bo had any size wanted from 20 to 5G Inches in diameter, with tires from 1 to 8 incliCB wldo. By having low wheels enables you to bring the wagon box down low, saving ono man in loading fodder, etc. It ls also very convenient for loading nnd unloading manure, grain, hogs, etc., and will savo In la bor alone their cost in n very short time. These wheels aro modo of best material throughout, and have every possible advantage over the high wood en wheels with narrow tires, nnd will outlast a dozen ot them. Thero will niso no no resetting or tires necessary, : interview Ituthcrford B. llnyenonaome nnd, consequently no blacksmith bills , inaUer of prison reform. When the In to pay. wme tires savo your norses and nrevont cutting up your fields, For further information write Tho" Empire Manufacturing Co., Qulncy, 111., who will mail catalogue free upon application. Mitlnfurtory to lllm "No. Mr. Northslde.-' Enid Miss Div kane, with decision. "I cannot accept you. To bo perfectly frank, you aro really tho lust man in thu world I would think of inorrylng." "That suits mo precisely." replied the suit6r. "How so, sir?" demanded tho girl, with some asperity. "Did you propose from a sense of duty, hoping I would reject you, or had you a wuger on the subject?" "Neither, I assure you. You said I nm tbo lust man in tho world you would think of marrying. Now I see no reason In the world why you should think of marrying anybody elbo after me." This cheerful view of tho matter so charmed Miss Dukane that she accept ed It herself. The two will be married in September. Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph. I.'lllinrd tab'o, (econil-huud. for sa'.e (heap. Apply to or address, H. C Am.v, 311 ii. 2th St.. Omaha, Nob. Tomato Soup. One can of tomatoes, one pint of soup stock or beef tea, two teuspoonsfula of flour, one cupful of milk, one teaspoon fill ot butter, sugar, salt, one-half tea spoonful, of soda. Melt tbo butter in the soup pot, add tho tomato and stock. Boll until the tomatoes 11 rs thoroughly cooked, then htrain through a Bicve. Put back over the fire, ana when boil ing hot add tlie milk, flour, sugar, salt and soda rubbed perfectly smooth to gether. As soon as thickened take from tho stove and servo with small squares of toasted bread T ho doin; df meaning I'ipht a'ouo teuchue tbu vuluo rh.iit. 0KX0000000KX0X000K0K00H0- fezflWefoster's International I THE BEST It is easy It is easy It is easy It is easy O. Be C. Mcrrlitm Co., The best remedy for nil diseases of the blood. The best record. Half a century of genuine cure. Latest U. S. Gov't Report I.nre From Hitrlc. Tho department of ngridulturt Jor cstry division, Washington, baa n col lection of rare trees and plnntnoriVy second to that belonging to tlio Jamom Kew gardens, London. A recent addi tion to this dcudrologlcal muwmtn 5m "loco bark tree" from 1 amnion, Tho Inner bark of this queer tveo la com posed ot many layers of lino and InlrS--cately woven fllbcrs which Interloclc with each other In all directions. Caps, mines, and even complcto suits or thiB curious vcgotablo laco havo been made It bears washing with common laundry soap, and when blenched In tlio sur Ac quires a degree of whiteness sold 010 excelled by artificial laces made ol cot ton, linen nnd silk. This intricate Trsl of this unique bark makes it compare favorably to tho last mentioned -jht-ductions for both beauty and dnru blllty. . IlrpSrninnU Camphoric MrlthCllrrmmfi.. CtinChnppedlIlulini)d!i'iv,,,ToiiurrwVw'U CWIblaln,l')lci, Ac. C.D.CIarkCa.Nowlluffn.fU ChnrRr .lust tlio fmnr. Clerk Mr. Potcrsbo'B watch that lto brougbt In to bo ilxcd I find has. &!nco begun to go all right of its own accord. lewolcr When he comes In tell like. tho mainspring is broken and tho fly wheel is olT its lever, but tbat vro mxt havo It ready by tho end of tbo tvcck Charges, S-. 50. Judge. livery inutlirr hoiiltl itltvii iva hnvn nt ltt to. NoihliiB )( rtr n h II ) tif 1 nrkur (lint or Tuv Hind fur pnln, vreaktit'si, colds, nnd !uttilCMTitHk. Ammunition Wiuleil. Hogan Ol have a joko on Hougldiir- ban. They wbb a folly hem into 3ii placo an' took .hrco drinks in rapd se cession av his wblslty an tbln pnllotl & gun an' shot himself. Orogrnn Ol think tho joko ls on Ui man. Fwat for (lid ho go to tho trtrnlde nv usln a gun afther three drinbsov Houghllghau's whisky? Cincinnati Tribune. Xmv In (he time to rure jour Cbi nltli lllii'leriurnt, II intra tnom o.it purJortlj, fI'ho comfort to tlio fecu Mk. yuur drutslit lurlt. Vu. Tlio Tubln Turned. A Scotchman onco neatly turned tbo tables on an Englishman who had beea alluding to tho number of Scots hi London. "Well," replied tbo Scot, "2 know a placo in Scotland whero tbcro aro 30,000 Englishmen who never go back to their own country." "Why. wherever can such a crowd bo?" stl&. tho Englishman, to whom tbo Scot dry ly remarked, "at Bannockburn." FITS AUFtttopprlfrp,byPr.KIlBr,rf keryu Itestorer. Nolfllatlirthi)llrviij"intt. UnrvFloutcurr. TrratUo nnd 82t!lnl boll ktrtt HUiuu, bi;uatoUr.Kllm31ArcUbl.,l'Ullu.,r.. Iguomnt Intcrvlftwor. Speaking of tho lgnoranco of Borneo newspaper Intorvlowers, Honry Wut- Iterson relates an inciucut mat Happen ed In New York, when a young mnn ivni fcont. t.r tlin Vlflli Avpnno lifitfl test ' ...rvlewer bad cathered all tho i act. I ho shot a Inst question at Mr. Itayesu I "By tho way, Mr. Hayes," ho Raid;, ! "what wero you president of?" i 1 am entirely cured of licnimorrhtgo cS lungH hy rio (otro tor consumption. l.otiBA Ltsn.vMANK, liethaiiy, Mo., Jan. fL, Ifc'.H. OitretitliimlaUlo. Advertising extremes don't nlvrnyE' work. Ono enterprising restaurant keeper In townsurprlscd his customers and many others a fow weeks ago by displaying in his window this cign, "Our Ico cream is hot stuff." He worked In his slang all right, but won dered why trado fell offi Symeueo' Post. "Hanson's SSaglo Com Salve." Warranted to cure or luunejr refunilmU JU& jpam druinrlit tor IU l"i Ico is rents. Golden opportunities do not ily inchUm. ASSIST NATURE n little row and ihtra in removing offend ing matter from the stomach and bowelw and you thereby avoid a multitude of distressing de rangements and dis eases, and win hive less frequent nwfl of your doctor's service. Of all known agents for this pta posc, Dr. Tierce l'leasant rellets me the best. Onco used, they are til" ways in favor. The Pellets com biliousness, siclc and bilious head ache, dizziuess, cos tiveness, or connta- Tiatinii. kftnr -ttimt- ach.loss of appetite, coated tongue, indi gestion, or dyspepsia, windy belchirjE. "heart-burn," pain and distress after rat iag and kindred derangements of tlur livef, stomach and bowels. mt Vff hH kr K VA Suc:etKrrffthc"Unabrirff(J," f3 if- nm rmr 1 f.lciiirfuict.rtc.,tntooiipp.loiUoii. - 1MJPKE11" jf I Standard Mber.s. Suprr mo (oiirt.tho 17.8. Goyi rrlnUnROkj.irfl I m-wly 01 KUioult-wU. C'OQimeadedUjiaigt&MHQittrtBtenueauotlviciulh. I FOR PRACTICAL PURPOSES. to find the word wanted. to ascertain the pronunciation. to trace the growth of a word. to leam what a word means. Iubllsucr, Bprlugfleld, kas. Uijn .BlMtwar,JtUulicUagc!Uu. alijaiuTZT Jnnf)iUPWARDSeall7nidwUtl,J.aPi,13. T" ,UI by tfo method if tlemttlo .m uls. I u In Rnin. Book an I full partlcoltr fn. Kurt Jbo.bc Jl freau. I'Airaox & Co.. eu Oui b Wdc . .k;. W. IV. U., Omulm-atr, 18S When mtuwerlnir advortlneineuta kindly mention this paper Beat Uoufb fcjrup. IuuaM(,VIl In time. Bold by drogatrtn. I