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About The independent. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1902-1907 | View Entire Issue (March 14, 1907)
MARCH 14,1907. 5 THE NEBRASKA INDEPENDENT ir. Dooley on By F. P. "I see be th' pa-apere," said Mr. Dooley, .'that th' ladies in England have jrot up in their might an' demanded a vote. "A what?" cried Mr. Hennessy. 'A vote," said Mr. Dooley. "Th' shameless viragoes," said Mr. Hennessy. "What did they do?" "Well, sir," said Mr. Dooley, "an im mense concoorse iv forty iv thim gath ered in London an' marched up to th' . . -.- . V V .11.1. 111.) ... . X 4 U J ... V.L. -' .... tory, where a loud an almost universal snore proclaimed that a debate was ragin over th' bill to allow English gintlemen to marry their deceased wife's sisters befure th autopsy. In th' great hall iv Rufus some iv the' might iest male intellecks in Britain slept undher their hats while an impassioned orator delivered a hem-stitched speech on th' subject iv th' day to th' attintive knees an' feet Iv th' ministhry. It was into this assimbly iv th' first gintle men iv Europe that ye see on ye'er way to France that th' furyous females attimpted to enter. Undaunted be th' stairs iv th' building or th' rude Jeers Iv th' mullichood. they advanced to th' very outside dures iv th' idlfice. There an overwhelmin' force iv three polls men opposed thim. 'What d'ye want, mum?' asked the polls. 'We demand : th' suffrage,' says th' commander Iv th' army iv freedom. 'Th' brutal polls refused to give it to thim an' a desp'rate- battle followed. Th' ladies fought gallantly, huriin' cries iv 'Torute, 'monster,' 'cheap.' et cethry, at th' constablry. Hat pins were drawn. Wan lady let down her back hair; another, bolder thin th' rest, done a fit on th' marble stairs; a third, p'raps rendered insane be sufferin' fr a vote, sthruck a burly ruffyan with a Japanese fan on th' little finger iv th' rlpht hand. Thin th' infuryated officers iv th' law charged on th' champeens Iv liberty. A scene iv. horror followed. ti 1 1 ... : j l ,i l iui jl imint?n seizcu lauics uy in tu uis an led thim down th' stairs; others were carried out fainting by th' tyrants. In a few minyits all was over, an' naw thin' but three hundhred hairpins re mained to mark th' scene lv slaughter. Thus, Hinnissy, was another battle fr freedom fought an' lost" , "It sarves thim right," said Mr. Hen nessy. "They oughf to be at home finding th babies." "A thrue statement an' a sound argymint that appeals to lvry man. P'raps they havn't got any babies. A baby is a good substichoot f r a ballot, an' th' hand that rocks th' cradle sll dom has time fr anny other luxuries. But why shud we give thim a vote, says I. What have they done to injye -this here impeeryal suffrage that we fought an' bled fr. Whin me fore fathers were followin' George Wash nton an' sufferin' all th' hardships that men "endure campin' out in vacation time, what were th' women doln'? They were back in Matsachoosetts milkin' th' cow, mendin' socks, followin' th' plow, plantin' corn, keepin' store, shoe in' horses,, an' pursooin' th' other frivol ous follies iv th' fair but fickle sect. Af ther hL war our brave fellows came back to Boston an' as a reward f r their devotion got a vote apiece, If their wives had kept th' Pilgrim fathers that stayed at home frm foreclosin' th' mor gedge -on their , property. An' now, be hivens, they want to share with us what we won. "Why, they wudden't know how to vote. They think it's an aisy job that anny wan can do, but it ain't. It'sa man's wurruk, an' a sthrong man's with a sthrong stomach. I don't know annything that requires what Hogan calls th' exercise iv manly vigor more thin votin'. It's th' hardest wurruk I do in th' year. I get up befure daylight an' tisramp over in th' cold to th Tim ple iv Freedom, which is also th offlco iv a livery stable. Wan iv th judges has a cold in his heau an closes all the windows. Another judge has built , . ., . i I ........... la a itiann lire in a ruuuu move mi cm .kin' red-hots on it. Th' room is lit with candles an' karoseno lamps, an' is crowded with pathtltos who haven't )... !! to l"d. At th' dure are two or th:..- i-olissnen that maybe we don't ... to meet. Dock O'lienry says ho don't 'n..v Hnnything that'll exhaust th' Jtlr iv a room so quick as a polis num in hi Winter unyform. All th jri htit. !. ;u' u; th' pa-apern call thim. th" !! . fri.-Ntn Iv thN hi-r ared lit., .tr-r Mivklu' th l;;t scegar that th" tikn n.. .- of our rounthry can buy. 'in th' le L-unt warmth Iv th' fire, th" liara.-- i'tt th' w.tlU kIoa an' Hist out lit n i!iu!l.tr aromy. Th' owner t Iv tti'J vn hiM. iry Iv Liberty cohu s In, nh.ike ,n .t bottle Iv hulment made Iv liul-iito iuM, jour It lnt h cup an' cut W.ih Iv th' dotnwtle attlnd unit Iv lh" RT'it-Ht Iv th' lion-" walk thr ujKfh fr'm iiwikin th' lU. Afther a htU th" chief Judge, tiM kuovt mo w il, ! ue h h.m ma thrco time A '.ek, glvcm in iHrtitlnichouj Ur b. K m itio n&in an' h number iv .! .H t( K.nlon about m swrv Woman - Suffrage DUNNE "I'm timpted to make an angry re tort, whin I see th polisman movin' nearer, so I take me ballot an' wait me turn in th booth. They're all occypied be writin' freemn, caJlin' in sthrangled voices f r somewan to light th' candle so they'll be sure they ain't votin' th prohybition ticket. Th' calico sheets over th' front iv th' booths wave an' ar-re pushed out like th' curtains iv a Pullman car whin a fat man is dhressin' inside while th' thrain is go- in' round a curve. In time a freeman bursts through, with perspyration poor in' down his nose, hurls his suffrage at th' judge an' staggers out. I plunge in, sharpen an inch iv lead pencil be rend in' it with me teeth, mutilate me ballot at th' top iv th' dimmycratic column, an' run fr me life. "Cud a lady do that, I ask ye? No, sir, 'tis no job f r th fair. It's men's wurruk. Molly Donahue wants a vote, but though she cud bound Kamachat ka as aisily as ye cud this precint, she ain't qualified fr it. It's meant fr gr-reat sturdy American pathrites like Mulkowsky th' Pollacky down th' sthreet. He don't know yet that he ain't votin' fr th' King iv Poland. He thinks he's still over there pretindin' to be a horse instead iv a free Ameri can givin' an " imitation lv a steam dhredge. . . "On .th' first Choosday af ther th' first Monday in November an' April a man goes around to his house, wakes him up, leads him down th' sthreet, an' votes him th' way ye'd wather a horse. He don't mind inhalin th' air Iv liberty in a 'livery stable. But if Molly Donahue wint to vote in a livery stable, th first thing she'd do wud be to get a broom, sweep up flure, open th' windows, disinfect th' booths, take th' harness fr'm th' walls, an' hang up a pitcher lv Niagary be moonlight, chase out th' watchers an polis, remove th' seegars, make th judges get a shave, an' p'raps -invaly-date th' iliction. It's no job fr her, an' I told her so. ' '"We demand a vote, says she. "AH right,' says I, 'take mine. Ifs old, but it's trustworthy an' durable. It may look a little th' worse fr wear fr'm bein' hurled again a raypublican ma jority in this country fr forty, years, but it's all right. Take my vote an' use it as ye please, says I, 'an' I'll get an hour or two exthry sleep iliction day mornins,' says I. 'I've voted so often I'm tired iv it annyhow,' says I. ; "But,' says I, 'why shud a.nnywan so young an' beautiful as ye want to do annything so foolish as to vote?' says I. 'Ain't we lntilligent enough?' says she. 'Ye're too lntilligent,' says I. Uut intelligence don't give ye a vote.' " 'What does, thin,' says she. "Well,' says I, 'enough iv ye at wan time wan tin' it enough. How many ladies ar-re there in ye're Woman's Rights Club?' 'Twinty,' saysvshe. 'Make it three hundred,' says I, 'an' ye'l be on ye'er way. Ye'er mother doesn't want it, does she? No, nor ye'er sister Katie? No, nor ye'er cousin, nor ye'er aunt? All that miction day means to thim Is th' old man goin' off in th' mornin' with a light step an' fire in his eye, an' comin' home too late at night with a dent in his hat, news boys hollerin' exthries with th' news that fifty-four votes had been cast in th' third precinct in th' sivintlv ward at 8 o'clock, an' Packy an' Alovsius stealin' bar'ls fr'm th' .groceryman f r th' bone-fire. If they Iver join ye1 an' make up their minds to vote, they'll vote. Ye bet they will.' y " Te see, 'twas this way votin' come about. In th' beginnin' on'y th' king had a vote, an' iverybody else was a Chinyman or an Indyan. Th' king clapped his crown on his head an' wint down to th' polls, marked a cross at th' head iv th' column where his name was, nn' wint out to cheer th' returns. Thin th' Jooks got sthronsr, an' says they: "Votin' seems a healthy exercise ai:' wd like to thry it. Give us th' franchise or we'll do things to ye." 'An' they got it Thin It wint down through th' earls an' th' marklses nn th' rest Iv th Dooley fam'ly. tilt fin'lly all that was left lv it va fiun? to th' Ign'rant masses like Hinnissy. because they made a lot lv noise nn' threatened to set fire to th' bams." "'An' there ye ar-re. Ye'U river get it be a.kin' th' poll fr It. No wan lvr iot his rK'hts fr'm ft polt''rnan. an be th same token, there ar-re no rights worth hnvln that ft pnllmtr can keep ye fr'm get tin'. Th' ladle Iv Iondon iir-rw followin' th right coora. on'y there ain't enough lv thim. If th were forty thousand Iv thim ar-r.Tnl nlth hit !!n an' prepared to pltingv. th' nam lnt th utomachg lv th Inl n.l Iv ff male mtffrng. tun' If, Instead Iv feint In' In th ar-rn lv th' con. HiAblry. they charged an puctured ihlm an' lrtk thlr way Into th' louw Iv Common, an putlfd th wig off rh pwkr. an knocks! th hat over ttf yt Iv fllr CamH nannnnn. It wud.ln't h long bfur aom rnlnv bnr wud talk In hi iWfp In their f- ' vor. Ye bet! If ye-er suffrage club was composed iv a hundhred thousand sturdy ladles ar-rmed with rollin' pins, brooms, mops, potato mashers, stove lifters, an' th' other weeplns that na ture has provided th' sect with to de find thimsilves again tyranny in th home, it wnddn't be long before Bill O'Brien wud be slndin' ye a box iv chocolate creams f r ye'er vote.' "'Someday ye may get a vote, but befure, ye do I'll r-read this in th' pa apers: 'A hundhred thousand aimed an' detarmined women invaded th' capital city today demandin' th' right to vote. They chased th' polis acrost th' Pottymac, mobbed a newspaper that was again th bill, an' tarred an' feathered Slnitor Glue, thMeader iv th opposition. At 10 o'clock a rumor spread that th Prisident wud veto th' bill, an' instantly a huge crowd iv ex cited females gathered In front of the White House, huriin' rocks an' cryln" 'Lynch him!' Th' tumult was on'l quelled whin th' Prisident's wife ap peared on th balcony an made a brief speech. She said she was a mimber iv th' local suffrage club, an' she felt safe in assuring her sisters that th' bill wud be signed. If nicissry, she wud sign it hersilf. (Cheers:) Th' Prisident was a little onruly, but he was fre quently that way. Th' married ladies in th' aujence wud underherstand. He meant nawthin.' It was on'y wan lv his tantrums. A little moral .suasion wud bring him around all right. At .prisinct th' chief Magistrate was in th' kitchen with his daughter settin' on his head.' " 'Th' speech was rayceived with loud cheers, an' th' mob proceeded down Pihnsylvanya Avnoo. Be noon all entharnces to th' capital were jammed. Congressmen attimptin' to enter were seized by th' hair iv th' head an' made to sign a pa-aper promisin' v to vote right. Immejately afther th. prayer th' Hon'rable Gussle Gumdhrop iv Matsachoosetts offered the suffrage bill f r passage. 'Th' mo tion Is out iv ordher,' began th Speaker. At this minyit a lady stand in' behind th' chair dhrove a darning needle through his coat tails. 'But," continued th Speaker, reachin' behind him with an agnized expression, 'I vrill let it go annyhow.' 'Mr. Speaker, 'I protest,' began th' Hon'rable Attila Sthrong. I protest' At this a perfeck tornado iv rage broke out in th' galle ries. Inkwells, bricks, combs, shoes, smellin' bottles, hand mirrors, fans, an powdher puffs were hurled at th onforchnit mimber. In the midst lv th confusion th' wife lv Congressman Sthrong cud be seen wavin' a parsol over her head an' callln' out: 'I dare ye to come home tonight, polthroon.' "Whin th' noise partially subsided, th' bold Congressman, his face livid with emotion, was heard to remark with a sob: 'I was on'y about to say I second th'. motion, deary.' Th' bill was carried without a dissintin' voice, an' rushed over to th' Sinit. There it was opposed be Sinitor Tillman, but after a brief dialogue with th' leader iv th' suffrageites, he swooned away. Th' Sinit fin'lly insthructed th' clerk to cast th' unanimous vote f r th' measure. Tonight in th' prisince iv a vast multl- chood th' Prisident was led out be his wife armed with a flat-iron. He was supported, or rather pushed, be two iv his burly tTaughters. He seemed much confused, an' his wife had to point out with th' flatiron th' place where he was to sign. With tremblin' fingers he af fixed his signature an' was led back. " 'Th' night passed quietly, although a slight disturbance was caused be th' Missoury dillygation demandin' to vote at wanst. Th' sthrcets were crowded all avenin' with good-natured throngs' iv ladies, an' in front iv th' dry goods stores, which were Illuminated fr th' occasion, it was almost impossible to get through. Iv course there were th' usual riochous scenes in th' dhrug stores, where th' bibulous gathered at th' sody wather counthers an'1 cilly brated th' vlcthry in lemon,, vanilla, an' choc'late, .ome iv thim keepin' it up till 9 o'clock, or even later.' " 'Whin that comes about, mo child,' says r, 'ye may sheathe ye're hat pins in ye'er millinary, f r ye'll have as much right to vote as th' most Ignorant man In th' ward. But don't ask fr rights. Take thim. An' don't let annyone give thim to ye. A right that is handed to yo f r nawthin' has somethin' th' mat ther with it. It's more than likely It's on'y a wrong turned Inside out,' says I. I didn't fight f r th' rights I'm told I enjye, though to tell ye th' truth 1 enjy me wrong more; but some wan did. Somo time porno fellow was pre pared to lay down his life, or bet liter mill, th' other Tellow'B, fr th' right to vote.' " "I believe ye're in favor Iv It yo'cr ilf."' wild Mr. Heniiesay. "Faith." said Mr. IXmley, "I'm not wan way or th' other. I don't vnr What dtffrene d.x it make? I wud den't mind at all havln' a tittM mmp an wnlher, a broom art' a dimther ap plied la pollrtlckn, H wudden't do anny rr-tvat harm If a titan t'udh-n't h IN llctd to office onlen h kept hi hair .touiNhI. aa' blacked hi boot an' ktuivml hi chin want a month. Anny how, a I Ugn ?, I rar not who worca ci rraiso For the several ingredients of which Dr. Tierce's medicines are comjuosod, as given by leaders in all the several schools of medicine, should have far more weight than any amount of non-professional tes timonials. Dr. Picrce'a Favorite Prescrip tion has tub BAP6E op hontestt on every bottle-wrapper, in a full list of all its in- rrvor ianfa nrnrnl In nlni'n Vftn-lloh If you are an Invalid woman and suffer from frequent headache, backache, gnaw ingdlstrj in stomach, periodical pains, disagrod&yie, catarrhal, pelvic drain, dragglnlydown distress in lower abdomen or petvj, perhaps dark spots or specks dancUfg before the eyes, faint spells and ktnd&d symptoms caused by female weak ness, cx thot derangement of the feminine organs, Wj can not do better than take Dr. Pierces Favorite Prescription. The hsfiltal, surgeon's knife and opera ting tabif may bo avoided by the timely use of Vravorite Prescription" In such cases. 'Thereby the obnoxious examln Otions anu local IreMnjenSflf the family pTiysician canj9 avoided and a thorough c6iifgeof successful treatment carried ou Q1tl.Pnftyi?' lhp "IV "Fav"G Prescription " iscomposedof the very best native medicinal roots known to medical science for the cure of woman's peculiar ailments, contains vno alcohol and no harmful or ha bit-forming drugs. Do not expect too much from "Favorite Prescription; " it will not perform mira cles; it will not disolve or cure tumors. No medicine will. It will do as much to establish vigorous health in most weak nesses and ailments peculiarly incident to women as any medicine can. It must bo given a fair chance by perseverance in its use for a reasonable length of time. Ypn e.tn't affnrri t,n acrrmt .7, serreLnnq trum as a substitute for t.hfl wmwiy k unwn. coin position " Sick women are Invited to consult Dr. Pierce, by letter, free. All correspond ence is guarded as sacrodly secret and womanly confidences are protected by professional privacy. Address Dr. R. V. Pierce, IJuflalo, N. Y. Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets the best laxative and regulator of the bowels. They invigorate stomach, liver and bowels. One a laxative ; two or three a cathartic Easy to take a3 candy. casts th' votes iv me counthry so long as we can hold th' offices. An' there's on'y wan way to keep the women out lv office, an' that's to give thim a vote." (Copyright 1907, by H. H. McClure Co.) PHILOSOPHY OF . PCIXMAN RATES. Attorney Frank T. Ransom of the Pullman company has stabbed to-, the heart the hope of lower sleeping car fares. When Representative Harri son introduced a bill to cut Pullman rates one-third, all minds ' recalled those 7 per cent dividends on flat capital, the periodical injections of more water, that late grand gift of a $26,000,000 surplus in a lump to the stockholders; and it seemed not pre eumptious that such a concern doing business by public sufferance be asked to divide the plum with the people by offering lower rates. These facts and theories do not ap pear to have been worth denying. Mr. Ransom shows that we are merely barking up a vacant tree. These things have nothing' to do with Pullman rates. Pullman rates are made,- not wnn reierence 10 cost or service, or to dividends, or to the public service. but to guarantee good company. Re duce rates, and a trip on a sleeper will be no longer practically a guar antee of good company. How stupid of us not to think of it before! Imagine sleeping car rates made low enough to pay only 6 or 7 per cent dividends on real values, and what would we have? Mr. Ran som returning to Omaha in a crowded Pullman, a shaggy farmer In front of him; a shabby college professor be side him; the clerk from whom he buys his cigars in the rear; and, In sult upon Injury, a mother with two babies In the front seat, for poor peo ple have children: pood company ab sent but for a dipmstpd Harry Thaw" In lower 5, a suffering Harry Lehr In the state room, and an indicted cap tain of Industry disdainfully pacing the aisle. Of rourine Representative Harrison will withdraw his bill with du3 apol ogy. He ran not have thoucrht when ho Introduced It of Its fur reaching consequence, that It would t'lke the farmer ami thn nhanhv profcs.onr and th cigar clerk and th womm with the lMlhM out of the smoking car where they belong and pollute with their presence th Pullman cr thut ftmuM be reserved for "irood com - panv." !'Vr If bv cheap rntet w pre- rtpte upon th poor th advantage now reserved fr tb well to do, wht Infntiv wilt th, down troMn Itiv to rh above their condition? nn ran bn r4 with out !. Whf it (Tor)' Cur )nur olf t hOTi, ! tlcu!m trm A&- ltraa' fk lirik. 0 iiu twUr Crt Ifoklit, l W, Ittawikt, Uimn," t