.0. . . A
The Nebraska Independent
EMBER
20. 1906
15
3URPREM1UM WATCH I
r
Vs yppendpnt OneYwr
Crfthf Wntch for only $2.50.
Cm than the regular price of
fit wnlch alone.
THE WATCH FREE
TO ANYONE SENDING $5.00 TO
PAY FOR FIVE YEARLY SUB-
SCRIPTIONS.
We wish to imprest the fact that on
fttmlum Watch Is NOT Clock Witch
mia a rrgtiUr Jeweled eseapemeat
nowment ana the umt doe time keep-
IWmultsare obtained from the smal
is from the larger lixe. These are
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lljr excelling any other either
American or foreign manufacture. Th.
rale cases are made of solid mettd.
m not brass nlckle plated. Your choice
" tMjeiitlnnens'alre): or the S (ludiea
') When ordering pleaae state alio
wanted. i .-.-.!-.
FILL OUT COUPON
THE INDEPENDENT,
Lincoln, Neb,
Hod enelns..,i a . ' ' . ".
wmmmwHU h. with One Yera Sub
"iMion to The Independent.
cltT or Town ,
State :
II., suspected his colored servant of
tampering with a certain brum! of
fine whisky in his wine cellar. The
employer decided to adopt measures to
verify bis suspicions. He allowed the
demijohn holding his private stock to
become empty, and then, Instead of
refilling it, placed tho remainder In
bottles and labelled each one "poison."
One evening, on returning home un
expectedly, he found his servant with
one of his bottles. Seizing the bottle
from tho darky's hand, he exclaimed,
in a tone of terror:
"Great heaven, Sam! Do you know
what you have been doing? This hot
tie is marked 'poison.' "
The negro took the bottle and sur
veyed It closely. Then he sniffed at
it. A melancholy smile passed over
his dusky countenance and he replied:
"Ise been fooled again,."
"Fooled again!" repeated his mas
ter. "What dyou mean?"
"Well, sah," continued tho darky,
In the "same tone, "It am dls way: I
knowed from dc first, from de way you
acted 'bout dat demijohn, dat you had
yo' suspishuns ob me, and dat sho
made me feel pretty blue. I got dis
tressed an' didn't care. Why, sah, fo'
most two weeks now Ise teen trying
to commit suicide outer dat bottle."
Harper's Weekly.
Real Estate' Boomer Cornered
An. Oklahoma paper tells this one:
Some few days ago two Oklahoma
City real estate men had a Herman
farmer In tow and carted him itno the
country, to see & farm which has con
siderable lowland and where over
flows' are frequent. They passed a
barn where the high water mark was
about eight feet above the ground.
"'And 'what Is that?" inquired the
farmeh ; -
One "of the real estate men, who is
ever ready with an answer, looked
up at the water mark and said :
"That's nothing. It's where the
hogs have been brushing up against
the barn."
They drove on In silence, when sud
denly the farmer broke the atmos
phere by saying:
"I do not want the farm, but will
buy all the hogs like that you can pos
sibly scrape up." ... .;, .
' Philosophy of Clown
The late Charles Bliss, the famous
star of the Dan Rice circus he was
the original "human fly" Imputed his
success to thoroughness,
"Don't attempt a new trick," he
said one day in Madison, "till you are
thorough master of it. The only way
to succeed is to bo so thorough in
everything you undertake that failure
is altogether an impossibility.
"If you are going, for instance, to
be a stump speaker, if you are going
to address a lot of farmers, don't
talk farm unless you have studied It
up.
"Don't be like a stump speaker I
know who yelled at a crossroads
meeting:
" 'lie who puts his Jband to the plow
must not turn back.'
"'Wot's he to do, then, when he
gets to the end o' tho furrcr?' Bhouted
a hired man in blue overalls." Den
ver News.
Dog not Dogma
A Baltimore man tells of attending
a church tin one occasion when the
minister delivered u sermon of Iml
ten minutes' duration a most uiiiisiiul
thing for hliii,
Upon the conclusion of his remarks
the minister had added: "I regret
to inform you, brethren, that my dug,
who appears to he peculiarly fond
of paper, this morning ale that por
tion of my sermon that I have not. de
livered!" After tho service the clergyman was
met at tho door by a ir.uti who, dm n
rule, attended divine service. In anoth
er parish. Shaking the good man by
the hand he said.
"Doctor, I should llko to know
whether that dog of yours hits any
pups. If so, I want to get one to give
to my minister." Harper's Weekly,
Saved by a Scratch
An orator who was equal to an
emergency was Iho lalo George A.
Sheridan, a noted "spellbinder," often
engaged by tho republican national
committee, At a big meeting he was
addressing In a town near New York
he was Introduced by a Mr. O'Brien,
the chairman, In most fluttering terms.
In order to reciprocate, Mr. Sheridan
paid a glowing tribute to tho sterling
qualities of the chairman and wound
up the eulogy by asserting that no
man could siiy'Mr. O'llrlen owed him
a cent.
"He owes mo $3!" came a keen
Celtic volco from the rear of tho audi
ence. It was almost n solar plexus blow
for the orator, and tho audience start
ed to luugh. and Jeer. Rallying, tho
speaker said: "I will answer that
man presently." His assertion was
to gain time, and, if possible, have
the audience forget tho incident, but
again Unit " penetrating voice cried
out:
"He owes me J3 cold cash."
Advancing to the edge of the plat
form, General Sheridan, In a confiden
tial tone, said: "Yes, I know all about
the 3, for my friend, Mr. O'Brien, has
given me the Inside facts. Ladles and
gentlemen, the truth is simply this,
and it reveals a peculiar character:
This man who has Interrupted me met
Mr. O'Brien recently and asked him
for the loan of $10 'I haven't got
$10 said generous Mr. O'Brien, 'but
here is $7 handing the money to1 him.
Now, this man la going around saying
my friend, the honorable chairman,
owes his 3, when 10 was requested."
A roar of laughter filled the hall and
the indignant man tried to answer
the orator. He was howled down. The
chairman "whispered in Sheridan's
ear: "You have Baved me you are
a genius." Leslie's Weekly.
A clergyman recently returned from
the west, brought' this story:
He was the guest of one of the pil
lars of the church in a rural commu
nity. Beefsteak was the piece de
resistance, and, the guest sawed at it
with such energy that Its toughness
was perfectly obvious.
Finally tho host thought It necessary
to do sonethlng to save his reputa
tion for hospitality,
"It's line i it," he return lied; "nlcn
and lender, hut, you see, we have to
keep the knives very dull on account
of ,tho children." --Springfield Repub
lican. Bossing the Job
A new Mark Twain story Is going
the rounds, The humorist takes long
lid's In the country In his auto, and
one day the mud wns so deep that the
machine stuck In It, On a railroad
nearby an Irishman was seen bossing
a gang of Itullauls. "1 culled lo him,"
Hiilil Mark, "ami he brought the whola
hunch over to lift the machine nut.
We claiihi'd right away, Tim Irish
n an Insla'cd on bimiilng llm job and
I wouldn't stand for It. 'All tight,
said the Irishman and lie look his
men back to the railroad. There was
nothing for me to do but, give In, I
sat in tho car for about an hour unit
then culled for the Irishman to come
back. 'Am I to be boss?' hit asked,
'You are,' I sitld. And lie wan,"
Couldn't See It
A village doctor whose most trouble
some patient wns an elderly woman,
practically on the free list, received
a sound rating from her one day for
not coming when summoned the night
before,
"You can go to see your other pa
tients nt night," said she, "why can't
you come when I send for you? Ain't
my money as good as other people's?"
"I don't know, madam," was tho
reply. "1 never saw any of It." -Lip-plncott's
Mugiilno,
Shelves and woodwork, where In
sects iirti found, should be washed
with a weult solution of carbolic acid.
Cure should bo taken to neglect no
cracks or joinings. Shako, all cloth
ing thoroughly and saturate with
naptha. Furniture that has becoino
Infested should bo taken outside, beat
en well and naphtha poured over It un
til the liquid has penetrated every part.
Cure must bo taken to have no flr
or artificial light in tho room, "as naph
tha is very Inflammable
NOTICE OF EXECUTOR'S 8ALE
In the district court of Incnster
County, Nebraska. In the mat r of
tho estate of Peter 8, Schamp, da
ceased. Notice Is hereby given that In pur
suance of a license of Hon, Lincoln
Frost, Judge of the DIs'rLt Court of
Lancnster County, Nebraska, made
and Issued on the 28th day of Novem
ber A. II., lOOfl, for tho sale of tho
real estate described as north eighty
two feet, of lots one (1), two (2) and
three (3L and nil of lot four (4) In
block four (4) of the village of Mal
colm, Lancaster . County, Nebraska,
the underslirned, executor ef the wilt
of Peter S. Schamp will sell nt the east
door of the court house In Lincoln,
Lancaster County, Nebraska, on the
14th dy of January, 1907, at eleven
o'clock In tho forenoon of said dny
at public vendue the real estate huov
deserlbrd, such sale to be on the fob
lowing terms, tho highest bidder for
cash, subject to all Hens and Incum
brances. Said sale will remain open for one
' "ilated December 19, 1 !"".
ASA P. SCHAMP.
Executor of the will of Peter
Fi'hamp, deceased.
ck"n Mil to make
a closo season f today, ti cause or in expionm