The .Sunday Bee^
MORN! N G—E V E N I N G—S UNDAY
THE BEE PUBLISHING CO., Publisher
N. B. UPDIKE, President
BALLARD DUNN. JOY m. HACKLER.
Editor in Chief Business Manager
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Entered as Second-class matter May 28, 1908.
at Omaha postoffice under act of March 3, 1879.
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ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S LINEAGE.
Something of real comfort is found in contem
plating Abraham Lincoln in the new light that is
shed on his life by the researches of Ida N. Tarbell.
Whatever may or may not be said concerning her
as an historian, she is a persistent, tireless investi
gator, pursuing the scent of any needed fact until
it is established or is entirely disproved. Her
quest for the ancestry of the greatest of American
presidents covered a wide range of search. It car
ried her over a long and often obscure route.
Through six states and many neighborhoods. It has
been rewarded by a complete chain connecting Abrat
ham Lincoln with his great-great-great-grandfather,
who came to America, a boy, in 1737.
Not a link in the record is missing. Each step
is carefully taken. Each move of the family is traced'
with great care. Abraham Lincoln was the son of
respectable parents, with a line of descent plainly
marked for almost two centuries. Of this there can
no longer be reasonable doubt. His forebears were
industrious, substantial, influential, some even
wealthy. The first Lincoln, Samuel, who came to
this country an indentured apprentice, died a
wealthy man. His sons accumulated wealth and po
sition in their time. Each generation brought forth
a pioneer. The grandfather of Abraham in his turn
felt the call of the wilderness.
This trait he transmitted to his son, Thomas,
who was father of the president* It was not thrift
lessness, nor idleness, that led Tom Lincoln to
migrate form Kentucky, where he might have estab
lished himself, into Indiana, and then to Illinois. It
was the urge of the pioneer, who faced the hard
ships and privations of frontier life because they ap
pealed more strongly than the attractions of the
more settled communities left behind.
Nor were these Lincolns illiterates. From the
first to the-last, they had what advantages of edu
cation their surroundings afforded. They were active
in the public affairs of their days. Abraham Lincoln
was not a chance offshoot of some forgotten or un
known ancestor. He was the culmination of a
family whose inherent strength was concentrated in
his mighty personality.
How is it, then, that so long a time elapsed be
fore these things became known? This may be ex
plained by saying that the almost seventy years that
have passed since Lincoln was assassinated have not
entirely sufficed to clear away all the mists of
legendary lore, or of deliberate misrepresentation
horn of partisan spleen, that have beclouded the
truth. Nothing dies harder than a popular tale. No
American is subject of more of these than Abraham
Lincoln. Generations will elapse, perhaps, before
Miss Tarbell’s labors avail against the untruths cur
rent against this man who deserves the truth as
much if not more than any other American.
On Tuesday Americans may honor Lincoln,
sprung from the soil, from the loins of the people,
yet descendant of a family as respectable and as
honorable as any. He was the man for his times,
the leader the broken nation needed. He was not a
mere freak, the impossible son of an utterly incom
petent father. His memory will be revered, his la
bors esteemed, and his character loved a3 sincerely,
because it is proved that his lineage was such as it
is. Through long preparation in the creatorv of
destiny he was fully equipped for the task set for him.
SPEAKING OF CONTESTS.
The contest now on between the churches of
Omaha to determine which will be able to enroll the
largest Bible class composed of men promises some
interesting results.
Whether the benefits will be commensurate with
the work involved will he known after it has been
determined whether mere numbers shall be all that
is sought, or whether | better working knowledge
of God’s word is acquired. Mere numbers are not
always the final test of the benefits of a religious
revival. Usually the real test is in the number who
“stick.”
The world’s greatest Teacher did not seek great
multitudes. His greatest and most effective lessons
were given to few at a time. But the few who list
ened and learned proved greater thun an army with
banners.
It may be that the smallest class enrolled will
prove to be the greatest factor in the spread of the
Gospel of the Nazarene. The success of the contest
now under way in the churches of Omaha will not
depend upon the number of men enrolled, but in the
'.caching they receive and the inspiration they feel as
the result of thi.t teaching.
But the contest is a worthy one, and the mere
'act that men enroll themselves in the contesting
■lasses is a good indication of nil aroused* interest
in spiritual things. However, it is to be hoped that
the contest will be based on something of more mo
ment than mere numbers.
KNOW NEBRASKA BETTER..
Many a long winter evening is enlivened by plan
ning for til ■ summer automobile tour. The trouble
jwith most Nebraska tourists is that they plan to
speed across the state as rapidly as possible in order
to reach the advertised scenery and resorts in other
states. They hump themselves over the steering
wheel and burn up the roads, looking neither to the
right nor the left until they cross tfie line into an
other state. As a result they miss some of the most
beautiful things that Nature offers.
The Bee suggests to Nebraskans planning a sum
mer automobile tour that they see Nebraska first and
know it better. And to further thut suggestion The
Bee points out some facts that arc not generally
known.
Take the Lincoln highway from Omaha and travel
A
at a medium rate of speed, pausing long enough in
oach town and city to take note of their progress.
Keep on going as far west as Kimball, and then turn
north to Gering and Scottsbluff, driving over Stage
Hill, one of the most beautiful scenic roads in the
entire west. Spend a day or two looking at the
beauties of the Wild Cat range, climb majestic Scotta
Bluff and look out over a wonderful valley.
From there drive *north into the Bad Lands of
Sioux county, visit the wonderful fossil beds at
Agate, and then turn eastward to Crawford and
visit the beautiful valley of the White, river and
spend a few hours at historic old Fort Robinson.
You have not seen the real beauties of the west un
til you have visited the Pine Ridge section of Dawes
county, and wandered through the majestic canyons
of Pine creek and the Niobrara river. The Elkhorn
valley possesses scenic beauties that will appeal to
every lover of Nature at her best. '
Your summer vacation spent on wheels wholly
within your own grpat state will be at once a revela
tion and an inspiration. You will return home re
freshed and invigorated, and a better Nebraskan
than you were before.
See your own state first, and know it better!
MAN’S EVERLASTING WILL TO KNOW.
One spot on earth is highest, reaching above all
other mundane elevations. It is the top of Mount
Everest, in the Himalaya range. It towers 29,002
feet above the mean elevation of the sea. Almost
six miles of granite thrust up into the aiil One
Pike’s Peak set on top of another would yet be short
of reaching this elevation. No man has yet set his
foot on that sublime pinnacle. Ice and snow and
wind, and sheer bare granite have blocked the way.
Last summer two intrepid explorers made their way
within 1,700 feet of t{re ultimate goal, and were
driven back. Superhuman strength, aided by all of
man’s ingenuity, had failed.
_Another expedition will again essay the ascent
during the coming summer. It may succeed. If it
does not, another will in time follow, and so on. until
Everest is scaled.
• Somewhere, some time, so long ago no record re
mains, man set out to explore his surroundings. He
measured the earth. He plumbed the deeps. He sur
veyed the heavens. Brave hearts have throbbed their
last beats and lapsed into eternal silence in the
frozen north. Equally bold men have gasped their
last feverish breath in the steamy jungles of the
equator. No unknown terror has deterred the ven
ture. No certain danger sufficed to check the effort
to surmount it, and to bring more irtlTl more of
earth’s secrets to the knowledge of man. Always
man has conquered.
If the fundamentalists were looking for proof of
divine descent for mankind, they could find it in
this godlike qualification. What other explanation |
can be given for the restless, impatient, unsatisfied |
longing that has sent men in all ages out beyond the
limits of the known to discover what might await
them beyond? The first hunter who passed beyond
Hhe range of hills that bound hie vision. The first
sailoWwho saw the shores sink below the horizon,
and found himself asleep on a limitless expanse of
water, set the example that has been followed by
gallants whose lives were given that man might know
more of his surroundings. No more sincere wor
ship can be indulged than to find out the work of
creation and through it adore the Creator.
So the expeditions to the pole, the coming at
tempt to climb .Everest, the promise of another at
tempt to pierce the roof of the world by airship, all
are evidence of the unquenchable, unconquerable
spirit that wants to know. Out of it has come every
worth while achievement with which man’s long
march upward is adorned, and while it continues to
animate the race, that upward march will not be
checked. 'Not even the most intolerant bigotry can
halt or turn this indomitable will to- inquire. It is
born of that which gives immortality, the very will
of God.
LOOKING UP THE EARLY SETTLERS
Whenever the intelligentsia become bored stiff
b£ what is going on around them, they seek refuge
in a game that never will be ended In Philadelphia,
for example, the location of a new city hall, the en
ergetic pursuit of vice by “Old Gimlet Eye.” and
such like affairs have wearied the elect. They are
in revolt. In proof we submit the fact that the editor
of the Public Ledger is being bombarded with letters
on the timely topic of who discovered America.
One group holds out for Christopher Columbus,
the other for the Cabots. Claims for the latter,
naturally rest on the fact that Columbus on his first
and second voyages saw only islands, and did not
view the mainland until his third voyage, which was
in 1498, while the two Cabots had actually reached
the continent itself in 1497. Columbus is supported
by those who adhere to the long extant theory that
it was a result of his locating land at all that in
duced bther explorers to undertake the great ad
venture.
All this is mighty interesting, but ignores the fact
that J>00 years before Queen Isabella went to the
money lenders, Lief the Lucky, son of Eric the Red,
had landed, and actually undertook to colonize the
new world. Life in America was not to the liking
of these hardy sons of the north; the climate was
too taHT?* the summers, lasting from May till Oc
tober, were too long. So -they pulled up stakes,
abandoned three years of work, and went back to
Greenland. Even the record of their experience
was forgotten for 900 years.
Perhaps some Phoenician voyager, blown from
his course, renched the shores of America long be
fore the Norsemen. Maya and other relics suggest
the possibility of this. Early man from Asin surely
found bis way to this country. All tilings considered,
neither Columbus nor John Cabot lias a very strong
claim to being the first in this country.
Just why Philadelphians at this time should be
so upset over this more or less academic discussion
is hard to understand. No doubt General llutler who
is trying to remake the police department will not be
diverted by it.
ff it is true that orders from Rerlin prevented the
(lag over the German embassy Ht Washington from
being half-masted for Woodrow Wilson, the result
may he unfortunate for thousands of innocent little
German boys and girls.
Among England’s other troubles just now is a flu
epidemic, that is carrying off hundreds of victims.
Life ia juat one thing after another for John Hull
these days.
Is it possible that Trenmor Cone is the only Ne
braska democrat who Iibs the courage of his senator
ial convictions?
Of course Mr. Doheny was active at the Ran
Francisco convention, intent upon having un anchor
to windward. '
It appears that the coco-cola king did not confine
all of his succharine to his marketable product.
Out oj Today s
Sermons
v_j
Rev. Albeit Kuhn's sermon this
morning at Bethany Presbyterian
church discusses "Woodrotv Wil
son as i* Tragic l igure in His
tory." He compares Wilson and
l.incnln, saying:
Both men were leaders of
tremendous intellectual and per
suasive powers; both had the gift of
erystiillzlng into immortal words tlie
aspirations and Ideals of the taest of
their time: both Hied at a Juncture
of time when these ideals struggled
for realization or preservation in the
crucible of a gigantic war.
The one of them led his host to a
definite and overwhelming victory;
the other had tie see his purposes at
least for the time frustrated and the
majority of the citizenry turn disap
pointedly away from His leadership.
Why this difference?
To my mind the difference lay in,
this; Whilst Abraham Lincoln was
the most easy man to compromise
on nonessentials, but stood adamant
against the most tremendous influ
ences that were broucht to him to
compromise with the south on the
issue of our national unity. Wood
row Wilson was exceediftly tenacious
in his Insistence upon his own way
in nonessential political measures, but
when it came to make a stand to
death for his own and the countries'
convictions, as Immortalized in his
so-called "14 points," ideals for the
realization of which he demanded and
receive^ the sacrifice of the lives of
his fellow citizens, he compromised,
and compromised so decidedly that
the common people of Europe and the
majority of his own nation turned
from him with deep disappointment.
Had Woodrow Wilson held out at
Paris against the Imperialistic dreams
of the French militarists, against the
ruthless greed of Japan, against the
hunger for national advantage at the
expense of the defeated on every side,
he would have won as complete and
stupendous victory as did Abraham
Lincoln: for the masses of Europe,
vanquished and victorious, and of
his own America, and the people of
China were with him; against such a
force of world opinion and conviction
the old school diplomats at Paris
would have been powerless. But, In
order to save the letter and the form
of the League of Nations on which
he had set his heart, he agreed In the
actual peace treaty to terms which
not only the vanquished nations, but
also he, himself, and'the majority of
our nation felt to be a direct violation
of the principles of international jus
lice which he had formerly given
voice to.
This compromise by him has re
sulted in a foul peace, terrible misery
and ominous danger of a new war. If
there was any personality in the
world that was in a position to bring
about a period of peace, justice and
good will, it was Woodrow Wilson.
Had he been an Abraham Lincoln, I
believe he would have done It.
To me Woodrow Wilson is one of
the most tragic figures In the history
of the world.
The main thought* of the ser
nuxi to he gi\en today at St. Paul i
Lutheran church, Twenty-fifth
and Evans streets, by E. T. Otto,
pastor, follow:
In our today's text. Matthew 13:31
13. Jesus speaks of a deplorable condi
tion of the visible Church of Christ on
earth. He speaks of the tares among
the wheat. When we apeak of a
visible church vte mean the whole
number of those who profess tile
Christian fafth and who are gathered
about God’s Word, hut among whom,
beside the true Christians, there are
also hypocrites. Thus Jesus mentions
the net that gathered fish of every
kind. Matt. 13:47-48.
In our series of Epiphany sermons
since New Year we have presented
in its manifold aspects "the glory,
divine majesty of the only Begotten
Of the Father, full of grace and truth."
Should not His Church possess similar
qualities, perfection and holiness?
What Is the Epiphany of the church?
This Is a fair question. Permit me
to answer It in the words of Christ's
greatest apostle. By the Imputed
righteousness of Christ, which Is ours
by faith, we as members of Christ's
Church are perfectly justified, holy
and acceptable before God.
In this sense the Holy Christian
Church Is the sum of all believers, all
Christendom: for only believers, and
all believers, are members of the
church, tif it St. Paul says: "Christ
also loved tjie church and gave Him
self for It: that He might sanctify
and cleanse It with the washing of
water by the Word, that He might
present it to Himself a glorious (mark
this "glorious" 4u»,| the follow ing qual
ities) ehurch.'not having spot or wrin
kle, or any such thing; hut that It
should lie holy and without blemish;"
Eph. 5:25-27
The parable of the tares among the
wheat warns the followers of Christ
against taking offense at finding chll
dren of satan among the children of
light in the visible church. This para
ble of our text gives three reasons:
First, because they are In the \|slble
church without its fault: second, be
cause they are not members of the
church: third, because on the day of
Judgment they will receive their Just
dues.
Jesus sowed the gpod seed of eternal
and heavenly truths By then, ||c
won true followers, w he became go.nl
seed by the good seed sown Into their
hjart*. They ure planted m the great
acre of this World Ills church Is on
earth today. Christ docs not Intmedl
ately remove His followers from this
earth. He keeps then, here as long as
He has a work for then, to do
Look at verse 25, which tells us
what the evil one does This also ap
piles to false prophet* who parade
a* harmless lambs The wheat field
remains a wheat field In spite of the
tares or darnel which In its first
stages much resemble* wheat.
What shall be done with the tares
or false Christians? When they he
dome manifest they shall be ,,oog
!he 0,UCh 1 C'°r' 5:11 1* Mot
they shall not he "uprooted.'•
atroyed. The church Inis merely the
power of the wold; the „ta!e ,|ie
power of the sword or force
Examine yourself whether you are
In the faith and tiring forth good fruit
Wee 1.3 .alls upon us t„ be concerned
about our aoul s salvation
mowing III, Wraith.
A onupl* nf oh! Yankor, worn dl,
o"**lng tho doing, of a rorlaln vnuth
Ho you Ihlnk," a v k od I'nrlo Kph,
mat tho monrv young 811a, nmdo
down In Now York will |a,t him
long?"
I mi lint It won't!" rxi-lnlmnd tho
on,or old follow Ho', K,.|„- at an
",Wf"l I ") 1"M I wa, down In
M"re "'*>>' >nd
loung HII.'I, Wa, roportoil to n,o to ho
« . mng hundrod dollar .-heck, nnd
lighting hi, cigars with thorn'_
llarpor',.
Matrimonial Motive!
Ml,, Antique You ought to ,ot
mnrrlrd Mr. oldrhnpp.
Mr. oldrhnpp (oarnrntlv) I hnvo
avUhort rnnny tlmr, lnto|v that I had a
W Ifo.
MU, Antique llnvo you really’
Mr. oldrhnpp Yr, If Iliad n u Ifo.
"ho d prohnlily hnvo , rowing ma
rhino, nnd tho ,owlt,g machine would
hnvo ,11 nil can, nnd I could tnk* It
and oil my office door. It nqurak,
horribly.—Tit Bit,.
sunny side up
Jake Comfort,nor forget
/hat Sunrise never failed us yet “ j
^ CtliaThaxter i !
_^ - - - - - —---'
LOOKING AROUND.
I'm looking 'round a bit these days
To see if I can get
A sermon full of hope and praise,
Not just a sermonette.
I yearn of soul to (1ml a plu-e
Where gospel truth's applied.
And pastor talks with radiant face
"Christ and Him crucified!” *
I'm weary of theology
And splitting hairs so fine.
The good old wavH will do for me—
1 claim old truths for mine.
It matters not from whence I came:
It matters where I go.
I put my trust all In His name;
None other will I knpw.
-Let theologians ran* and rave,
My faith I build secure.
I know He power has to save.
That His name shall endure.
Let learned pulpiteers expound,
And fight o'n ev’ry side.
I only know that I have found
"Christ and Him crucified.”
I'm looking for a place to hear
The old time gospel preached:
The Zion songs sung loud and clear
Until Ood’s gates are reached.
I'm weary, O so weary now
Of 'Isms on ev’ry side,
And yearn to hear, somewhere, some
how,
‘‘Christ and Him crucified!"
One of the stock jokes of the news
paper game is that the department of
fering advice to the lovelorn is pre
sided over by a gruff man of middle
age who seldom shaves, smokes a
pipe, swears like a pirate and hates
the female s"x. But it Isn't true. It
never was true In the first place, you
c.Aildn't get a man like that to tackle
the Job. In the second place, there
are no such men on metropolitan
newspapers. We are all kindly, soft
spoken men. every one of us deeply
In sympathy with those whose affec
tions are not up to par. Readers of
The Omaha Bee who want advice on
matters of love, etiquette, etc., etc.,
may rest assured that their letters go
to a very sympathetic young woman
who spends all her spare time seeking
how best to serve those who confide
in her.
The wrecking of the original court
house at Kimball recalls another bit
of Nebraska history Kimball county
was organized In 1888, and the build
ing Just wrecked was occupied as a
court house eRrly In 1889, and served
Its purpose several years. Kimball
county was formerly a part of
Cheyenne county, and Cheyenne coun
ty has become known as the Mother
of Counties.” Cherry is now the
largest county In Nebraska, but old
Cheyenne formerly held that distinc
tion. From It have been carved the
counties of Kimball. Scotts Bluff. Mor
rill. Carden and Deuel And Mother
Cheyenne has every reason for feeling
proud of her progeny.
It Is to be regretted that Nebraska
did not retain more of the Indian
names when naming counties and
cities. Instead of using the names of
so many politicians and officeholders
Replete with Indian lore and legend.
It would have been fitting to com
memorate the pioneer days by uslne
Indian nomeclature But only a few
such names have been perpetuated,
among them being such names as
Omaha, Foptenelle, Bed cloud.
Ogallala, Keya Paha. Nlobrnrn. Otoo,
Nemaha and Arapahoe.
We are not of those who deplore all
this quarreling that is goingon among
the theologians. True, it is hot shott
ing the church to be a well organ
ized and militant force to battle hosts
of evil, but It is resulting in a more
Intensive study of the Christian re
ligion. and goodness knows something
like that has been needed for a lo*g.
long time.
To us It mutter* not the least
whether this world was made in six
calendar days or six eyries of millions
of years each. We refuse to worry
ourself sick over the question of
whether Jonah' was swallowed hv a
great fish, or whether that story 1s
mere allegory. We concern ourself
not at all whether we evoluted from
mnnkeydnm or came into tieing as
related in Genesis. We are, however,
greatly concerned about being here,
and considerably Interested In our
final destination. So, while accepting
the conditions as we found them, de
siring to make the most of our op
portunities, even though falling
lamentably most of the time, and su
premely confident that One Great Mas
ter Mind conceived it n|| and man
ages It dlvlnelv, we are not giving a
hoot for the disputatious clerical gen
tlemen All the theology we possess
could be blown through a mosquito’s
feather Into a gnat’s eviyvlthout mak
Mnrley's Caustic Ten.
From the New York Kvsnttit Tost.
One of the most Interesting literary
secrets of the Victorian age has just
come out- Who wrote the famous
Saturday Review attack of lS6tv upon
Sw inburne s Poems and Rallads,"
which caused the Immediate with
drawal of the hook and Injured Swin
burne's reputation for life? Seldom
has a more savage criticism appeared
In Englnnd. "An unclean, fiery Imp
from the pit," It called Swinburne
” the libidinous laureate of a pack of
satyrs." Edmund Gosse now reveals
the fact, withheld when he wrote his
life of Swinburne, that the critic was
John Morlev'
Few would have thought this pnssl
hie. for almost Immediately — in 1SS?
—Motley became a fast friend of Swin
burne. and ns editor of the Fortnight
ly Review made Swinburne's articles
a leading feature Their originality,
enthusiasm amt splendor of Imagery
were of the greatest value In redeem
Ing and enhancing the poet's reputa
tion, so that, as Gosse now puls It
In the London Times Literary Supple
ment. "the snme hand that struck him
to the ground l:i 1SR<1 raised him to
glory In 1SS7 " Mot ley himself told
Gosse that he greatly regretted his
Puritanical attack. A curious tact Is
that Swinburne had snme suspicion In
ISA* ms to the Identity of tils assailant
for he wrote a couplet (Inter supphsae
edt. predicting that virtue, turning on
hypocrisy, will
"before she finds Iter ert stale
Flog some Morley «t the cart's tall."
ing it blink, but we are mighty long
cm faith. _
Now that the case has been decided
in his favor, we feel at liberty to tell
Colonel Candler of Atlanta that In our
humble opinion any 67-year old man
who would write those "Sweeturns
letters should have been cinched to
the financial limit.
Why all this discussion of who was
the greatest fighter that ever lived?
It is a sheer waste of time. The rec
ord Is availably, Samson stepped Into
the ring and knocked out 3.000 op
ponents, one after another.
There was a young fellow named
Birch
Who took his fair sweetheart to
chirch.
When he fell In a dose
'The young lady aroze
And left *Mr. Birch In the lirch
A week ago today it was storming
so badly In these parts that church
attendance was reduced to the mini
mum. In fact, it was so stormy that
thousands of people had nothing at all
to keep them from the theaters.
Which impels us to pause and in
quire if the boys of today are sub
ject to a peculiar malady that af
fllcted the youth of some 60 years
ago? So far as we have been able to
discover the symptoms have never
been described in text books, and no
drugs of record seemed sufficient to
cope with the disease It was Inter
mittent in character, but wonderfully
regular, the first symptoms appearing
about 8:30 a. m. every Sunday, and
growing rapidly worse as Sunday
school time approached. The ringing
of the first hell found the disease in
its acute stages, relief coming slowly
after the ringing of the second bell,
and disappearing with miraculous sud
denness as soon as the patient s par
ents had patted the covers about him
and departed for church. If the dis
ease ever had a Latin name we never
“heard it or saw it in print, but its
common or garden variety name was
"Sunday sickness."
Concerning the Nebraska primary
law and propositions for amending
the same, the purpose being to make
it understandable ar.d workable and
tolerable, we seize this opportunity to
assert that the proper disposition to
make of the prlpnary law is outlined
In the recipe for cooking a carp: Clean
the carp carefully and open it up flat
wise. Tack the carp to an oak board
two inches thick and wide enough and
long enough to leave a couple of
Inches sticking ail around the alleged
fish. Stand in front of a hot fire
until the carp is well baked Pull out
the tacks, throw away the carp and
eat the board with salt and pepper.
Nebraska's primary law, in our hum
ble Judgment, is the Herman carp of
the reform law species. »
WILL M MAT'PIN.
-— y
Valentine Immortal
By ALTA WRENWICK BROWN.
Prinked in powdery wig, ruff and courtly velvet breeches,
Jnto Modern Day hp steps from Past’s Salon of Riches.
Dignified, ad vlvum, real lace afoam o’er knuckles,
ffut he steps, chivalrously. In shoes with oapphire buckles,
Joins he watting Lady Love-Rosebud of Ante Bellum—
Costly as the rarest scroll of script e’er done In vellum—
Bows he to her queenly, shy, heart-captivating greeting,
Kissing fairy finger-tips of pirouetting sweeting.
Folding round her fichued-breast robe gein-strewn, of gold threading,
Off^he carries her to coach and four for ball room heading.
Sheen of sterling silver mounting stars the high breeds’ trappings,
Liveried, slave-coachman heeds slave footman's order-tappings.
Soon from bloom-strewn board walk gay with canopied protection—
Enter they Hall Grandeur decked for "February 14, Reception’’
Where volui. !"ous in hoops and rustling gowns brocaded—
\5fenus dances minuet by Galahad fain aided.
Slow and graceful, quaint and square, to subtle music flowing,
Measure acts, mid scent of musk, neath candelabra glowing.
Silk and lace, light, scent and wig, bloom, belle, beau, music, sandal—
Valentine Immortal!—Scene immune from Time and Vandal.
.__/
Center Shots
Except that it is Impossible and
unworkable the democratic substitute
for the Mellon plan seems to be all
right.—Detroit Free Press.
Very original New Tear card Just
In from Secretary Mellon, headed "in
dividual income tax return." Many
thanks, Andy —Boston Transcript.
This country thinks so much of
Mexico that it is going to build a
nice barbed-wire fence on the boun
dary line.—Toledo Blade.
Mr. Bok who was responsible for
the peace plan that suggested the
league of nations all over again, at
least found out that the American
people have not forgotten to throw
things, including a fit. when some
thi^ig is offered them that they don't
like.—Sioux City Journal.
Th* United States will make formal
apology to Poland for raiding the res
idence of the secretary of the Polish
legation. But if there was $50,000
worth of liquor in that cellar, apolo
gies for the abuse of courtesy ought
to be coming from Poland.—Philade!
phia Bulletin
The statesmen contribute their |
autobiographies to the congressional
directory but often write their obitu
aries for the "Congressional Record
—Cleveland Times.
A new congressman coins epi
grams, but they don't affecp congress
half as much as telegrams—Marion
Star.
"We need a slogan to end war."
says a magazine writer. How about
"pay as you enter.”—Eugene Guard.
England will soon know whether
>r not a labor government will
‘work."—Fresno Republican.
An eminent professor declares that
30 years from now women will do r.o
housework at all. Whatever he
means, it will certainly start an argu
ment.—Uoulsville Courier-Journal. 1
Spice of Life
What's this strange tale the wires
tell?
The beauteous co-eds at Cornell
Would put hip liquor orr the blink —
They will not dance with men who
drink.
Of course, the drinkers will complain.
They needn't, though, as I lk explain.
To make things even, they've a
chante—
Refuse to drink with girls who dance.
—Milwaukee Sentinel.
Friend—Mandy. ain’t yo' ’spielous
'bout yo’ husband quittin’ work soon
as he done married you?
Mandy—Yo’ jes’ keep yo’ jealou^
nose outa mah business. Sally Jack
son! Mah husban’ is merely takln’
his honeymoon.—Exchange.
He thought to run a chicken farm.
The plot at this point thickens.
For him the plan was full of charm.
But it was rough on chickens.
—Louisville Courier-Journal.
Oft we wonder how a crab
Gets a wife.
There are many questions drab
In this life
Hire's one answer that I nab,
Hear me buzz.
Oftentimes he's not a crab
'Till he does.
— Louisville Courier-Journal.
“What's your opinion of prohibl
tlon?”
“I hardly know what to say. It
you can believe what other people tell
you it seems to have driven a lot of
them to drink."—Detroit Free Press.
When in Omaha
Hotel Conant
• *
How an Exact Accounting
System HasEnabled Me
to Lower Costs
THE MULTITUDE of details necessary to properly
conduct a fiwreral require time and most careful at
tention, and therefore enter into my costs. These costs
must be paid for, either directly or indirectly.
No Funeral Director can furnish such items free. No
Funeral Director does furnish them free. It is impossible
to do so.
. '
The old practice was to GUESS at such costs—and then
add them on the price of the casket. That practice was un
businesslike and misleading—the public believed the
Funeral Director charged a price out of all reason for a
casket—in short that he profiteered.
I do not believe the public is any more concerned with
, the SEPARATE items of cost of a funeral, than the house
wife is concerned with the Vrates! base, body or lids of a
kitchen range cost. All these parts are necessary to the
range—she is buying a range—not the several parts which
go to make it.
I know that the only FAIR WAY to serve (and charge)
in my profession is to know one’s costs, and then make ONE
CHARGE for the complete service, including merchandise
and service.
I have kept exact records of costs for four years Knowing these
costs and the fact that my buying and operating is conducted upon a
very extensive basis, has enabled me to pass on to the public a consid
erable saving
Ueder my new plan of doing business, each patron knows just
what t?ie bill will be and the amount to be spent may be determined
in advance may be as little as $100 for a complete adult funeral
service—it may be as much more as the patron desires to spend.
Put the service always is the one COMPLETE service which
Hoff/nann has perfected, and which Hoffmann always provide .
T <1 S K II V B HUM A N I T V BETTER
*
HOFFMANN
FUNERAL HOME
2 4’- and Dod^e Streets
Ambulance Service Phone 3901
OMAHA
* 0
I Copyright Applied Foi >
