CHOOSING A HUSBAND
What Mrs. Rinehart Considers the Three Principles of Marriage_
I----—
EIrlTOK'8 NOTH Kew subjects ran
compete In Interest with the story of
the peraonal romance and married pie
of a woman who has had such an
amazingly successful public career as
Mary Roberta .Rinehart In thlji artl
cle Mrs. Rinehart carries* on *he JvJ '
cusslon of "The Heat Age for Mar
rialtf,—19 or 29?.” with which she
opened the present remarkable forum
of American writers upon the sublect
of love marriage and the modern
woman. In her previous »r'ic,»
•Rinehart recounted that after havlnir
resolutely Htepped «*ut from a ahelterea
home In’the era of sheltere,fr
If. she became a trained n“r*r*”d*
1» the bride of Hr Stanley 8 Kln^,a i-,
one of the hospital Hh;"l.':“*n"
■he was the mother of three ,^h L'Jlrt
and had made an appreciable «t*ft
UP<Nczt"week liertrude Athirton whO
has already aald In this series 'hat a
social law should prohibit the
Of Kills before the ago of 2-. will write
on “farcer After Thirty.
By MARY ROBERTS RINEHART.
I HAVE said that the average
young girl seldom thinks be
yond her marriage. From her
earliest girlhood this has been her
objective. With that in view, either
on the surface or buried in her
subconsciousness she has risen in
the morning and gone to bed at
night. Her entire existence. In the
majority of cases, is a looking for
ward to love and marriage. Her
haste to “grow up’’ is a part of 1L
She Is pointed, every natural in
stinct in her is pointed, toward this
culmination.
To Impute this inevitable point
ing only to sex, or sex urge, is to
fall to understand normal girl p*y^
chology entirely. What sex there is
in it is so buried, so camouflaged
by the mental censors of her own
mind, that she herself is almost to
tally unaware of it. It is a purely
romantic motivation.
s The Woman a* Sea.
8he looks forward to love and
marriage, but not beyond it. k hen
It has come—and gone—she often
finds herself completely at sea
tdke some men who have reached
the goal of life ambition and have
nothing further to look forward to,
these young women find them
selves objectlveless, at a loose end.
They have to discover for them
selves new interests, new objec
tives. new substitutes for the for
merly engrossing one.
Where children come quickly,
the question more or less solves it
self. Where they do not—and
more they do not—we have the
aimless, idle woman, sometimes
merely discontented, sometimes on
ly silly, again neurasthenic, and
now and then downright vicious.
Or the frantic search for some sort
of career.
More than the desire for freedom
or self-expression, more than any
necessity to earn, this feeling that
the opened door of marriage has
led them nowhere is responsible for
the returns to business life, the
feverish search for careers, and
much of the idle dalliance we see
everywhere.
Tne Unly tt' al Solution.
I admit that to suggest a home
and children a» a further objective
aeema flavorless and colorless in
the light of the highly colored life
of the younger generation today.
Personally. I never wanted anything
else, hut I had been reared with
that as an ideal. We are not rear
ing our children that way now.
Nevertheless, I am convinced
that rhlldren and a home are the
only real solution, the only complete
fulfillment. Not for all women. No
rule can apply to every Individual.
But for the great majority.
If It ever came to a question ^be
tween my family and my career. I
could throw away my career In a
moment. I would not even have to
think about It.
I ait back sometimes and study
the eager young women who come
to aee me. their eye* shining with
hope and ambition. And I wonder.
Do they know, can they conceive,
what they are throwing away? I
do not know a woman of <0 who
I,., succeeded without marriage
who has not her moment of com
plete honesty, when ahe admits that
though she may haye gained the
whole world, yet in some strange
fashion ahe has lost her own aoul.
And the same applies to the woman
who has married and remained
voluntarily chlldleaa.
Older Women More Cautious. More
Selfish.
You see. up to this point, there
are certain advantages Indicated
for the woman who marries lata.
She docs not expect too much. She
has already more or less objectlon
Ixed her life, and filled it with in
terests outside of her romantic
Imaginings. Her judgment of men,
if harsher, is more liable to be
correct. She is herself better or
ganised. and the man ahe chooses at
29 l» the choice of her mature mind.
Front a selfish point of view, site
has done fairly well.
Tint this matter of marriage is
or. of the nation us well as the In
di il And the nation pt-oiqK-ra
..am: wife, with her more
5
l «
Y vwitr Mm A
tTuin* J
V.
MARY ROBERTS RINEHART
Aut! >r of “The Breaking Point," “Tish," "Bahs" "The
Circular Staircase (The Bat)," "The Amazing
Interlude ” "Dangerous Days," etc.
Not so very many years ago Mary Roberts Rinehart was a nurse in a
Pittsburgh hospital. Today she Is In the front rank of American writers,
with an income estimated at more than $300,000 a year. Her books have
been r<_..d. it Is estimated, by 15,000.000 Americans. Two of her plays,
“The Breaking Point" and "The Bat." are current now, the latter having
established a new record for longevity on Broadway.
Yet to Mrs. Rinehart, her children come first; her career is of sec
ondary importance. She found time to rear her three sons to .young man
hood. to be a companion to her hushand and a busy housewife, while
writing her stories of romance and adventure.
Many authors are fond of tracing their literary lineage back to Shakes
peare or Chaucer or the Bible. Mrs. Rinehart found her first compelling
Impetus in a collection of old paper-back thrillers discovered in a corner
of the kitchen when she was a little girl of 9. After devouring 93 Nick
Carters. Mary Roberts decided that what the world particularly needed
was thrills. And from the start, she has produced them.
Her romance Is a story In itself. She met Dr Stanley M Rinehart
when both were on the staff of a Pittsburgh hospital, and she married him
at the age of 19.
From the standpoint of a wife and mother, as well as a successful
woman writer, Mrs. Rinehart here reviews the institution of marriage, and
she will have something further to say In a subsequent article In this
series.
frequent childbearing. The older
woman seldom rears a large family.
She Is more cautious, more selfish,
very often, and more ambitious.
She has one chlldjjcthaps, or none.
She is apt to resent the changes
child bearing makes in her life.
I have said she is better or
ganised. She is often too completely
organised.
Mv own first child was born when
I was 20. and by the time I was
25 I had had three. As one child
had taken all my time anyhow.
I simply argued that three could
take no more than that. I paid a
price for them, of course. I figured
once taht in seven years I had
never known one undisturbed night!
Hut I think now, looking back,
that It is as well I was not a thor
oughlv organized and meticulous
type in these days, and not too
worried when the furniture grew
battered and the nursery was a
seething hive of generally mis
chievous activity.
And of course 1 have had this
wonderful advantage of the young
mother, of being still sufficiently .
young as the children gTew up. Not,
of course, being boys, that thev
will ever entlrel grow up. re
sembling as they do their father
in this regard. But as they grew
older.
Wasn’t it during the Roosevelt
regime at the White House that
some distinguished visitor was met
on the staircase by a pillow fired
from above with extreme velocity.
and not intended for him? Well,
there were a good many years
when that could easily have hap
pened to us. and the pillow has
been fired by the head of the house
at that. I arn proud to say that
on the occasions now when all the
family get together again, a gen
oral rough house frequently results.
Mostly, I’ll admit, I am the audi
ence nowadays, but It was not al
ways so.
Women Who Worry and Quit.
That is one priceless result of
the early marriage, the companion
ship between the parents and the
ch ldren. The closer similarity of
interest. Perhaps motherhood is
only a happy accident to the young
woman, entered into blindly and
with the sublime confidence of
youth. But the older woman is too
apt to have her one lone chick,
figure, worry and—quit.
Better six children, made-over
clothes, worn shoes, companionship
and fun together, than one and u
college education.
• • • —^
Sometimes I reflect on marriage,
as I have seen It over the world.
We Americans are supposed to
be the most mutually married peo
pie on earth. Quite literally, we
abandon our individual existences
in marriage, and art expected to
do so.
Each party to the contract makes
a tacit demand on the other's en
tire time, interest, sympathy and
affection. Our women are more
guilty than our men. perhaps, but
it is true of both. Each is allowed
a limited circle of interest outside
the marriage, the man his busines-,
the woman her woman friends. But
the end of the day sees the con
tract again in force.
When I>ove Is Tyranny.
European* seem to regard this a*
an evidence of our essential middle
classness. For some reason any
strong emphasis on the home tie
even m America today seems to be
regarded a* a bourgeoise quality
There Is an evidence of snobbery' in
much of our recent literature, with
its attempt to ridicule such vir
tues as fidelity, decent living and
landing borne ties. The home-and
mother school is out of fashion.
But there can be no doubt that
our American emphasis on the
home can lead very easily to its
tyranny. Foreigners comment on
this, and since they are frequently
men. they speak of the subjection
of the American man. Actually it
is the same for the woman.
I suppose there is an argument
for It. It is possible that one may
in time forget. In the four walls of
a jail, that there is a world out
side. But I, who base everyth'”?
on the’home, do ’not believe in the
domination of the home. It is the
family background and sanctuary.
But it can hold too closely. Its
love may easily become tyanny.
One of the great troubles in
American marriage is, of course,
this narrowing of an entire uni
verse to a world of two people
After a time habit, that saviour of
peace steps in. and we forget that
time when we lived our separate
individualistic lives.
Why We Value Home so Highly
The older woman finds this re
straint more difficult than the
younger one. That perhaps it
----—i
Dance Crazy London
London. Dec. 1.—The feet" of all
London are twinkling to the dance.
Kvery ballroom la packed. The sea
son has started with a full swing.
There la an enormous demand for
the best hands and good music.
Two hundred dancers in a leading
hotel gaily pirouetted at tea time
yesterday to atrafna of intriguing
inuaic that aet the limbs In motion
even against one's will. It was Irre
sistible.
Dinner la a combination of eating
and dancing. You cannot sit still.
The music coerces. A fig for food!
Digestion seems none the worse
for It.
Is the (Tabs.
The movement Is not confined to
the hotels. All the clubs are In a
whirl. The dance palaces are packed
afternoon and night. A thousand
dancers, paying 5 shillings a head
for dancing alone, will crowd one
of the most popular of these West
Ixindon halls this afternoon.
It la already a record dancing sea
son. Tendon has never known the
like.
There has been much talk about
"The HIues.” but fashionable danc
ers cold shoulder it. This Is the
general verdict at the hotels and
■most exclusive clubs.
•• ’The nines- is a slow affair,” said
one hotel manager. "It has to be
made ‘Jassy’ to go at all. and it
generally becomes elementary Jam.
It puts the new dance movement
hack two years. It is simply old
tlroe foxtrot done to a slower
tempo.
“The waltz is coming into fashion
again. It ia better than any new
dance and real dancers like it. Skill
and grace are required for waltzing
But the tango and The Blues’—our
guests do not want them.
•There is steady advancement in
the class of music, too. Composers
like Goossens are interested ia It.
Real muide begins to have a chance,
and jaxx is becoming extreme))
good. All this improves dancing.
Throughout the day dancing in
»tractors are busy teaching, and
coining money at from half A-guinea
upwards per lesson
In the provinces the dancing
fever has an equally strong hold.
Restaurants in all the great cities
provide fog the crane The whole
country Is twirling and whirling in
the maxy dance.
Buying Green Jade
Rangoon. Deo. 1.—The strangest
selling system In the work! Is to be
found In Burma. Here, ones a year,
the entire quantity of Jade quar
ried In 13 months is put up for sale
at one "sitting.-’
The buyers are representatives
of Jade carving firms, several of
them from Canton, where the green
Jade la cut. and others from Pekin.
Foochow and Shanghai, which spe
cialise in white Jade.
On the day before the sale all the
stones are exhibited, each bearing
a numbered card, and so cut that
the Interior may lie examined by
intending buyers, who spend the
day making notes of specimens
they want. The following day the
auctioneer takes his stand in the
center of the Boor with the buyers
around him.
A number is called out and sev
eral men rush to the auctioneer and
grasp his hands and wrists under
his long, wide sleeves. There fol
lows a moment of siV'nce. Then
the auctioneer calls out a price and
a name, and one of the men who
has clasped his hand is assigned
his purchase.
Thought reading? No. The buy
ing and selling of Jade all over the
far east—except of course, to tour
ists. who only buy from special
stalls and usually on the one-price
Jnsis—is done by secret^ bids ex
pressed by ha nd clasps. >fvery grip
has its prlcx'. and auctioneer
on the lining bid
hardest of all on our na n does not
enter into this discussion but re
mains a fact.
Hooking hack. I am sure we wore
a« guiby in this regard as the aver
age. Hut .t was not so notices til*
to u«. for in our early days niv hus
liund was in general practice, and
we had to take our home life in
very small dose*.
I have said earlier that in seven
^ears I never had known an un
broken night's sleep. For a' much
longer period this was true of him.
And w hen one adds the office hours
thr~« times a day, the call* and so
on. there was little time left. I
have wondered since it this is not
the reason why we value our t!m«
at h<nne so highly now Tie's*
year* when we never could accept
a dinner invitation, and very sel
dom got to the theater, made a
united home life very important
when it came.
By the time the children were old
enough to understand, we were pre
pared with a theory to offset thi*
tyranny of the home.
Our Three Principles of Marriage.
It may not be out of place to Jay
here that we have at different time*
promulgated three principles to
which we have adhered. It is the
last one, of course, which applies
here.
The first I have already indicated,
division of duties and of income. "
The seeond one was never to dis
agree over the children so that they
knew about it. The third, developed
by the head of the family later on.
was that a family is an organuci
tion. w.ih partner*. In this case
we were the senior partners, and
our sons the junior ones. Since
that time the partnership idea ha*
held: no decision affecting the fam
ily is made without it, and any
problem confronting any one of u*
is quite likely to be brought up
for discussion before the organixa
tii»n as a whole
We have been able to get away
in this fashion from much of thi
old i»arent- hildren attitude. And
there can be no tyranny, even of
affection, when every one has a
voi< e and freedom to use It.
Two Type* of (>rffi*hnrw.
i have digressed a little here, be
cause the try for freedom on the
part of our young people is hugely
a result of ibis unconscious tyranny
of our*. And because women are
the worst offender*
The attempt of the thorough!*
deunestic woman to hoi-1 her fanile
too dose, the narrowing of her in
terest and the shutting out of the
world, and the focussing of her en
tire life on her husband and espe
cially her children, is in its own
way as -ielSsh and as stuitifying as
the attitude of the woman who re
fuses to have children at all.
This strangle hold of a certain
type of woman is a very terr.tde
thing With the woman married
young it generally includes b»r has
hand as well as her children She
gave up everything for this
so he must glee up everything f->t
her. In the older woman as I hav e
watched it working out. It ggnrraUv
limits itself to her children She
has borne her child or children
later: she has risked herself to d «
so. She will probably have no
more
The Ideal Marriage.
In both eases it is selfish. Mother
k>ve oars be at the n»mr time the
bhs; *a< rtfii ing uid the most seif sh
of ail human emotions. These aie
the women who resent marriage for
then- ehii.iren, or any outside inter
est I never see an older woman,
hokting tight to some unf*« tunate
daughter or son. that I do not feel
like crying out on them
But we of the home are guilty of
other crying evils which affect this
question of marriage.
There can he no doubt as to what
would constitute the ideal marriage
It would he the union of two young
and healthy individuals who sincere
ly k>ve each other, and who would
have children to hold them together
when the first fine rapture had
passed
The very reason for such an
article as this chows how far we
have deviated from the ideal. We
are de ha ting the w»hMn of early
or late marriage*, not be*ause there
can he any question of what nature
intended, hut because the question
of erpedie: cy continually obtrudes
itself.
KWlT tVi 1*» *
Next week. "Career After Thirty."
Husband. Home and Children First,
Then the World is Open to Women,
by Gertrude Atherton
Electric power has been Inns
nr tted by wireless within a rad us
of two n.-lea. Beoauo* a* much
energy iS used in the transre. e.-.w.
and too much vclcure required *•
!«e prteti Able the wee* «•
continued.
