THE BEST AGE FOR MARRIAGE—1 9 OR 29?
Mary Roberts Rinehart for the First Time Writes Her Own Love Story
Editor’s Note—This la the flret ln
^^dallment of a remarkable series of*
^^irtlcle* from a number of the most
distinguished of American writers, upon
the subject- of love, marriage, and the
modern woman. No subject. It Is safe
to say. is of more universal, compelling
Interest, nor any problem in more
urgent need of solution; at the same
time no individuals should be more
competent to deal with this question
than the eminent specialists in the
study of love, marriage and woman
who will be heard from week to week
In this forum. The contributors, be
sides Mrs. Rinehart, will Include Ger
trude Atherton, Mary Johnson. Mrs.
Gouverneur Morris, Fannie Heaslip I«ea.
Rupert Hughes, Zona Gale and olhei
Important writers.
By MARY ROBERTS RINEHART.
I WAS married just before the
end of the onyx table-cut-glas>
perlod in wedding gifts, and 1
have only to close my eyes now to
see that fim living room of ours,
with an onyx table In every corner
and an odd one near the fire, each
shakily—for my generation will re
call the tendency of onyx tables te
become loose In the joints—support
ing a gift lamp.
That was the Dresden lamp pe
riod also. And as each of the seven
Dresden lamps In that room was
from what was called in the family
a Q P.—grateful patient—all ot
them had somehow to be exhibited
I was married, you see, about
the end of an epoch in the progress
of women. I was, I sometimes
think, the very last bride whose
white satin wedding gown had a
st’'f and very high collar, and long
sleeves! And my veil, with its
bandeau of satin and paradise, not
only reached to the end of my
train, but was arranged completely
to cover my face during the early
part of the ceremony. It was the
duty of my mald of-honor—to—re
move that face veil before the re
turn march down the church aisle,
and how she practiced finding the
pearl-headed pins!
That bit of the ritual was sym
_boUc, of course. But I sometimes
^tompare the almost shrouded fig
ures of the brides of that day with
those of the present generation.
My Family I* Startled
I still have my wedding gown.
It is so bulky that it takes up a
large part of a trunk. Its court
train, wadded, lined, and reinforced,
weighs incredibly; Its skirt sweeps
the ground all round. Getting into
It was like donning a suit of armor,
and I must have staggered with
the burden as I went up the aisle.
A wedding gown of those days was
not completely fashionable unless
it was of satin stiff enough to
stand alone.
I have said that the period of
my wedding was about the end of
an epoch. That epoch was the
period of the sheltered and depend
ent woman. I had been prepared
for marriage by my early training.
I could cook. I could sew a little,
with either hand. (This ambidex
trous ability of mine, which per
sists, was a great irritation to my
mothe- i There was no anticipa
tion on the part of my family that
I would, save in this one degree,
deviate from the normal girlhood
of my day and generation.
It is curious then to think that,
at 15, I had already determined to
deviate from the normal! I wanted
to go to college!
I Determine to He a Doctor.
Absurd, now, to think of that
causing domestic turmoil and
neighborhood Interest. Not long
ago 1 received the honorary degree
of Doctor of Letters from George
•^Washington university, and as I sat
waiting for the ceremon^, In a
borrowed cap and grown, I went
back to that early struggle. My
father upheld me, my mother wept.
She did not want any strong-minded
women In her family. And I gave
It up.
Nevertheless, I did become In a
way a pioneer of what has become
known since as women’s exit from
. the home.
W A woman doctor settled on my
street. She had a very hard time
of It, for she was indeed a pioneer.
I think, Indeed, that she virtually
starved for years. But she some
how caught my imagination, and I
determined to lie a doctor, too. I
can remember confiding this to a
group of girls one day, and the
jeers with which they greeted tt.
Women did work, of course. They
went Into shops and dressmnking
establishments, or made hats, but
they lost caste by doing It. Fami
lies where some feminine member
'•worked" were apt to be secretive
about It, and It was a subject not
mentioned In social conversation.
As a very little girl, when a rela
tive of mine made an unfortunate
marriage and was compelled to
support herself, the humiliation
was extreme.
A Bride at Nineteen.
When my application to enter a
medical college was turned down
on account of my age—I was only
1C—It was a great blow to me, and
an eaornious relief to my mother.
But I had chosen a life work and
' meant to go through with It.
MARK ROBERTS RINEHART
Author ol “The Breaking Point,” “Tish,” "Babs," “The Circular
Staircase (The Bat), “The Amazing Interlude,”
“Dangerous Days,” etc.
Mary Roberts Rinehart's “following" runs literally into the millions.
Persons who know the book business, and of Mrs. Rinehart's magazine
work and of her plays and motion pictures, say that her annual earnings
are considerably more than $300,000.
But, though Mrs. Rinehart's fame is world wide, her earnings enor
mous, she Is known to her intimates as, first of all, a wife and a mother.
Her husband Is Dr. Stanley M. Rinehart. Long residents of Pittsburgh.
Dr. and Mrs. Rinehart now live In Washington, D. C. They have three
sons.
Mrs. Rinehart’s books, it Is estimated, have been read by 15,000,000
Americans.
She was a trained nurse when she married Dr. Rinehart. It was a
romance of the hospitals.
Two months before my 17th birth
day I put up my hair for the first
time and applied to be taken into
a hospital training school as a pro
bationer nurse. It Is a rather sig
nificant fact that the member of
the staff who Introduced me to the
dreaded head of the training school
was the man I married two years
later, and four days after my grad
uation.
I was therefore married at 19.
I have often wondered how that
two years in a hospital has affected
my views on marriage.
At a time 'when the girls I knew
were playing and dancing, I was
having to face the starkest kind
of reality. On my very first night
duty, I remember, I Bat by 13 death
beda, for it was a bad typhoid
year.
The only night in all that time
when I tried to go to a party, 1
was called to the operating room
instead, to a double amputation. I
was quarantined with smallpox
cases, learned to fine-comb and car
bolize heads, did everything that
was unpleasant. And yet there
never failed to come, Bom<^ hour
in the day when the ward beds were
neat and white, the polished floor
shining, and a bowl of flowers
blooming on the red-covered table
In the center, some moments when
I had a little exaltation of service,
a little Joy in work well done.
Marriage, it seems to me, Is a
career of service also.
Results of Early Marriage.
I have gone back to all this, be
cause It Is an unusual preparation
for the girl who marries at 19.
Neither death nor birth held any
mystery for me. I knew the exact
cost of a child to the mother,
•itrangjly enough, when the war
broke and I was asked to write
what I later called "The Altar of
Freedom," to encourage volunteer
ing before the draft, the picture in
my mind when I began was that
maternity ward of my hospital,
with women bringing life into the
world at terrible cost.
And I was asking them to sur
render their sons to their country.'
Naturally. It becomes impossible
to Judge the general effect of a
marriage at 19 from my own ex
perience. But certain outstanding
facts come to me as a result of my
own early marriage. Thus, I would
say that In spite of my unusual
range of experience I was still
very malleable as to character. My
husband's character at 28 was very
definitely formed. Had I been of
the same age there might have
been clashes.
Frankly, 1 had ideals and experi
ences of a sort, but I had no
opinions which I considered of any
value. I had not even habits.
When, as time went on, I learned
to think for myself, we had already
established that modus vivendi by
which we were to Jive. As time
went on, too, we lost the Intoler
ance of youth for those who differ
from It.
Reared for Marriage in Old-Fashion
ed Way.
With us. I may aay. the best
argument still wins, regardless of
who puts It forth. And wo have
never found the question of suprenv
acy even worth a discussion.
Hut, as I say, we had both had
an unusual preparation. Both had
been trained to careers of service,
to a sense of responsibility, and
perhaps to a little deeper under
standing of that strange mixture
of mind, body and soul which we
call the human race.
And then, in spite of my pioneer
ing, I was an old fash.oned wife,
reared for marriage in an old fash
ioned household. My father had
always been the head of his family,
although ho deferred absolutely to
my mother in her own domain.
Until he died, the year before I
was married, at 45, she ha S never
fa.led to get out Ills linen for him.
his handkerchief, his shirt, and put
in his studs.
ABE MARTIN_On th’ Auto Outlook
Th’ An to Conception Around th' Fairy Grotto
Theater Any Night.
Aa a general thing statistics an'
Aggers make purty dry readln', but
Tell Binkley has summed up th’
automblle Industry In this coun
try In one o’ th’ most astoundin'
an’ amazin’ articles we'va ever
waded through. Per Instance hs
says th’ sales o’ pleasure cars
have long since surpassed th’ sales
of all other articles that enter lnt’
our daily lives with th’ exception
o’ cigars, an’ prob'ly bread. Then
we read:
Per ever’ family that crosses th’
continent In a automobile th’ rail
roads don't lose nothin’, as th' fam
ily wouldn't have started If It hadn'
had a car.
Ther'a more folks payin’ Avs
dollars a month on cars than vot
ed for Oov. Cox In 1920.
Th’ number o’ cars stolen each
day is greater than th' male popu
lation of’ th’ Htralts Settlements.
Ther’s more criminals escape in
high powered cars annually than
th‘ combined population o’ Thllit.
Burma, an’ possibly th' Canary la
lands.
Ther's two million times ns many
inhabitants In Bombay ns ther's
pedestrians in this country.
Th' number o’ cart parked
around th' average country town
courthouse on Saturday night la
three an' one-half times greater
than th’ population o’ th* Orkney
islanda
Th’ peak o’ th' auto Industry
won’t be reached till 192*. when
th’ replacement demand ’ll exceed
three an’ one-third million cars of
all types annually, or enough t‘
Insure full runnln' time fer ever*
Industry allied with th’ auto busl
nees,
Ther’s two-thirds as many auto
loan companies as ther are French
dry cleaners In America.
Ther’s enough color varnish
used on autos ever’ workln' day
t’ float our navy.
Fer ever’ nickel that goes fer
wnshln* an’ sewin’ machines In
this country nine dollars is rung
up for gasoline.
Ther’s enough steel goes Int'
th’ niakin' o' ring gears annual
ly t' build- 239 new fire proof movie
thoaters.
Ther's twice over ae many au
to prospect* In th' United State*
t'day a* ther are aebra* In Oer
man Kast Africa an' Ugandy
combined.
Ther's enough auto speedometer
cable* In commission In Iowa alone
t’ reach around Australia once an'
a half.
Th’ foot energy expended on
auto accelerators on a single pur
ty Sunday In th' middle state* 1*
90,000 time* a* great a* th' com
bined horsepower o' Nlagary falls
an' th' Roosovelt dam.
More cars are owned In th’ Im
mediate vicinity o’ Danville, In
dlanny, than are owned in Den
mark. Jugo Slav la. Jalqur an' Cos
ta Rica romb.ned. an' half a* many
Includin’ Gibraltar.
Ther's more automobile publicity
men than ther’ are Inhabitant* In
th' Malny archltielago.
Ther's 2G0.000 more closed oars In
commission east o’ th' Mlsnlsslppl
river than there are used parlors
throughout th' nation
Th decrease In pedestrian* In th'
United State* Is .1 per rent greater
than th' annual decrease in giraffe*.
I had been trained, you see, to
the supremacy of the male In cer
tain matters, and I did not dispute
this. Not long ago I owned up
frankly that I am the type of
woman who is not afraid of ghosts
or lightning if there is a good,
strong man around! I still confess
to liking to look up to my men,
in their own particular mascui ne
field. I dare say I shall never get
away from that early training of
mine.
When tl\e subect of marriage at
19 or 29 was proposed to me I sat
back and considered what would
have happened had I deferred mjr
own marriage to that time.
Frankly, we are not the same
people at 29 as at 19, We have
established habits, of life and of
thought. Women particularly ara
less malleable, more determined
and more individualistic. More self
_ish, too, as a rule. The ego is apt
to devolp rapidly in the 20s.
Three Sons and a Career at 29.
I.et me see. then, what would
have happened had I waited. At
29 I had made a successful begin
ning as a writer of short stories. I
was already earning about $3,000 a
year. I was thinking for myself
by that time, and my health was
almost completely broken.
I wonder If, fairly launched on
a career, frail in body and ap
proaching 30, I would have mariied
and undertaken to hear children.
I would have counted the pros and
cons very carefully. I am sure;
weighed my assured career and my
health against the uncertainties of
such an experiment, and in the end
very possibly decided against it.
As It turned out, at 29 I had my
three sons, and was also writing.
It la not •uncommon for women to
say to me: “You have everything.
A husband, a family, and a career.”
But If I had waited I might have
had only the career.
But, of course, marriage is not
dependent on age for Its happi
ness, It Is always a matter of
character. A selfish woman will
not be happy in marriage at any
age. Or a selfish man either.
Maybe this Is an argument for ear
ly marriage. I don't know. We ara
accustomed to speak of the selfish
ness of youth, but that, I think.
Is mostly thoughtlessness. Tha
calculating selfishness of later
years is a harder thing to combat.
Selfishness in Terms of Kreniiim.
While I admit without reserve
the past sins of law and our so
cial organization against women, I
often think that a very definite
number of women who are crying
today for still further freedom are
actuated by pure eaJculatlng self
ishness. There is a type of re.
llgion which Is similarly purely
selfish, the concentration only on
the saving of one's own soul.
To those with a true sense of
responsibility there is no suclx
thing as freedom.
If we had no dreams, there would
be more happy marr.ugcs.
Marriage is an attempt to adjust
one's dreams to reality. The great
er the dream, the more difficult th*
compromise.
I suppose no man can ever
understand tho helghth and
breadth and general glory of a
young girl's romantic expectation*
of the love life to come. They are
pure romance. They always end
with the closed door that is mar
riage. Vaguely lieyond that lies *
thing called the future, but she i*
not greatly interested in it.
Golden Dreams of Girlhood.
True,"close at hand In her own
homo, she has a living example of
marriage as It has worked out after
the romantic element has largely
departed. But she does not see that
this example benrs any relation t*
her own highly colored dreams
If she thinks about it at all. tt la
to decide that her own married lifa
will be entirely different from that
of these two people, her parental
who live together In a prosaic world
of rent, food, clothes and a little
mild relaxation; people who bicker
occasionally, but are In the mala
busy and fairly contented.
It never occurs to her Hist she ta
witnessing the successful working
out of ths social experiment of
marriage, ths effective compromise.
When the time cornea to make her
own compromise It startles Iter, and
she is apt to call It disillusionment.
Her dream, you see, always enda
In marriage. Bhe has no plans l»
yond It. Recently, reading the am
swera to a questionnaire sent out to
young college women. I waa
n mo red to compare the vagueneaa
of thoae who Intended to marry
with the brisk definiteness of those
who Intended to pursue some other
career.
(Copyright. 1923 )
Next week Gertrude Ather'on,
writes: "Social l,uw should prohibit
M.'irrliore of Girls Before 22."