| ADVENTURES IN A BATHTUB!
- By o. o. McIntyre
hectic days when most
R^^Bmvc been litei ally driven to
■■ ! fear we are unappreciative
virtues of the bath.
H**fc-ish to speak a good word for
■ thing. It is the kind of habit
Bat grows on you and by and by
Bu will grow so enthusiastic you
■ n scarcely wait for Saturday
niy first memory of the bath goes
Krk to a little farm in Missouri.
Kere was a tin tub. quaintly let
^Ld on one side, "Narcissus.” It
BKg in the smoke bouse right off
Be kitchen.
■We filled it with buckets of wa
Br from the well. You couldn’t
®t down in it. You had to stand
Ip and splash yourself. It seemed
a bit of a nuisance. There was no
|iK-k on the smoke house door and
phe hired girl was deaf and always
running in and out.
L It was not until the modern buth
Bom, with hot and cold water,
Snirrorcd doors and fuzzy towels,
lame into prominence that 1 ever
Irgarded bathing as an adunturs.
Now, I perfectly dote on batb
ng. 1 believe some of my happiest
noments are sptnt in the bathtub,
t is the only place 1 know where
’or no reason at all I burst into
lotous song.
Ills Saturday Night Voire.
I Caruso used to say he was at his
|.est In the tub. Don't mlsunder
Land me. 1 have no idea 1 am a
■Caruso liut I have my moments and
t know if anyone could hear in*
Keg “Love Me and Tlie World is
Bine” on Saturday night they'd
^Lukit just topping.
1 have rubbed myself w,
Body glow with a Turkish towel
Barn also given to a little classical
■inning—leaping aisnit somewhat
■ke lsadore Dunran when she was
Ennsidered one of our very best
■capers. In other words, bathing
Empires me to sing and dance. And
E’r. Volstead can laugli that off
Un all my experience in bathing
Have had hut one mishap. That
one Saturday night when 1
Hopped Into the hath and put my
foot on a cake of soap. M a recline
never did a more unique fall.
X went under like a duck and
*jne foot caught in the towel rack
jund the medicine chest, so-called
because there is no medicine in it,
landed In the middle of my back.
Since then 1 have always Inspected
tho bottom of the tub. Just a
slight precaution like that may save
you from a little wheel chair the
rest of your life.
Despite all rumors, London has a
whiskers that if c-ver he has his
portrait painted they will label it:
"Man Climbing Out of Fern Dish!”
"Well, anyway, he wouldn’t let
you alone. He'd stand In the bath
room, hand you the soap, the towel
ami even wash your hack. Gets on
your nerves. I'll say. There is still
“I net or knew a hotel could hold :>o man) pci>f>lo."
bathtub or no. But bathing there
Is an ordeal. At a hotel where I
was staying, a valet with long
whiskers would come in and say,
’ Vt'Ug bawth is ready, sir.'''
I always wanted to yell "Beaverl"
and hIiuo him out but he looked too
serious like. He had the kind of
a little old-fashioned modesty in
this changing world.
Stubborn! No End.
I tried to tell him a funny story
once and when I paused for
laughter, he reached over and
handed nan a sponge, the ripping old
dodo. He always asked me how I
liked the water and I'd tell him,
luke warm. He'd fix it and then
t*-!l me it was ‘‘quite tepid.” He
would never admit it was luke
warm. Stubborn! No end.
' Him name was Meadows but I
called him Clinging Vine. He was
always standing around and I
didn't get to s.ng a single note all
the time I was In the bloomin'
country
The most thrilling adventure I
ever had in a bathtub was in a
New Tork bot'l several years ago.
The door buzzer rang In the midst
of my ablutions. 1 wrapped a towel
around my Grecian figure and went
dripping to answer it. 1 peek'd out:
nobody was In sight. So emlold
ened, I stepped out into the hall
to peer around the corner to see
who pressed the buzzer.
Just as I stretehing ny neck,
there was a slam. I gulped des
perately and looked around—know
ing the worst had happened. The
door to the' room had blown shut.
There was no one inside to answer
and there was X and anything
might happen, riot or murder.
I thought of screeching for help
3nd I thought of fainting. Then
there was a confusion of thought®
for the elevator had stopped at the
floor. There were several feminine
voices.
I peeked around the corner and
here they came—three of 'em. I
reached out my hand to wave them
back and one end of the towel
slipped and, of course. I had to re
trieve It.
There was an indoor courtyard. I
rushed to the window, and outside
was a little balcony. With eager
ness I hoisted the window and
®tepped out into the chill wind. I
stood there shivering like an aspen
leaf and wh'-n I saw throe ladies
pass I waited a moment and started
inside.
For some reason I happened to
look out over the courtyard. I never
knew a hotel could hold so many
people, and ail of them were crowd
ing to the various windows,
lb, the House Detective.
When I got back in the hall the
honse detective was standing there.
1 knew him by his brown derby.
‘What's comiii off here?’ he
thundered.
"Nothing, not even a tow 1," 1
said, trying to be merry and bright.
''■You get back in your room." he
command'd He added, "And 111
call the house physician.'
He opened the door with hi- pass
key and let me in. He followed.
The manager came in at his he. Is.
"I suppose,” said the house de
tective, “you are going to tell me
you were just out picking daisies,"
—which struck me as being the un
funniest remark I ever beard.
Then the house doctor came in
with his little satchel. He wanted
to know the trouble.
“This guy.” said the hated Louse
detective, "thinks this place is a
Turkish bath house”
”1 don’t neither nothing of ihe
kind,” I replied in a vicious assault
on the Queen s English. A ml come
to think of it. tt wasn’t a very
snappy retort.
The < loud of Suspicion.
Well, anyway, when I coaid make
my teeth quit casta n-ling I ex
plained just what had happened.
They trouped out. but all the day
every time I went out the bouse de
tective was loitering about my
door
If you don’t thing that was an
adventure—April Fool. I had all
the thrills of a melodrama in the
mere simple proc-as of talcing a
bath.
Some people prefer hot baths aod
others go in for the cold plunge My
vote goes for the tepid. CThat Eng
lish valet has me saying that.)
I believe some ©f the higg-s*
ideas ever given to the world have
-ome from men while rec lining 1b
the luxuriant warmth of the bath.
I don’t want to seem a bath reaiot
and I’m not a propagandist for some
plumbing supply house, but I hon
estly believe everybody should bathe
regularly. Indeed, I rather rherish
the hope will eventually become uni
versal and that no Saturday will g.>
by without the entire world tak.sg
the matutinal or nocturnal dip.
I wish to warn all regular lathers,
however, of one of the greatest
dangers that beset them. TXin’t let
your curiosity get the better of you
when the front bell rings. After all.
it may be only a bill collector or a
census taker. Let the ©M beil ring
out. Stick to your tub.
l Copy risk'., ISA* i
[ The Papered Door
<<oiitino*-d from F/*c# Two.)
By Mary Roberts Rinehart
HTinled. But it came an hour later,
■when the dock with the painted
Idi.'iT was striking three. Th» bait of
T he unlatched d< r end the (I w
i«.t the taeeburm r through the parloi
rwindow luid caught their viiiim
[ Ci per 1 I compiomised witb hi _
[rot science by making a careful
iround of the house. At one plat •
Lbe stopped. In a lul! i f the wind it
}»eemcd to hint that there w.is a
. ui ions, grinding sound. Then the
■ t and
sent him running and curving
When lie came back the noise
whatever it was, had ceased.
^ lie stamped, cautiously on the low
poi h and oliened the door. A home
ily or of tea met him. mixed with
|H|^^iling warmth. He turned up
TltCjlnp and took off his overcoat
It wan his best overcoat and shabby
at that. If lie had any luck arid the
storm droye farter hack, he'd he
able to buy a new one. He dusted
jt off with his hands before hang
ing it over the I sick of a chair to
dry. On one shoulder a few grains
of sawdust caught his attention.
He looked at them with speculation,
hut without suspicion. He had a
sens*1 of humor.
"lta'.'' lie said to himself. "Even
the sky has gone in for adulter.o
tlen. Sawdust in the snow:"
He smiled at the conceit and
sipped the tea. It was not very
good, but it was hot. Overhead he
could hear the slow rocking of a
chair.
-“Poor child:" he said. "Poor lit
HHgirl—all lhis fer that damned
■mik!"
^flc affected i further compromi- ■
wi|h his sense of duty by getting up
every few minute* and inspecting
tli« street or tiptoeing through the
kitrhen and pulling open unexpect
"illy the back door. Always on these
occasions lie had hi* hand on his
tliver pocket,
iiree thirty.
he storm had increased In vh>
•e. Already small drifts had
piled in still corners. The glow of
the base burner was dull red; the
1 king overhead had ceased.
ooper yawmed and stretched out
Jj legs.
I Poor little girl.” he said. “Poor
||ptl! And ail for the sake—all
sako—"
le drew a deep breath and set
1 lower in the chair,
dolly Carter bent down from the
i of the stairs and listeped. The
.ective had come In and she had
t heard him him go out. It
uld not do to descend toil stealth
fnr fear he were still awake,
an exi use she took down a hot
tle'of the baby's to fill with milk.
Cooper * as sound asleep In the
parlor, his head dropped forward on
his breast. There was a strong
odor of drying wool as his overcoat
steamed by the fire.
Still holding tiie bottle, she crept
to the kitchen and tapped lightly
three times on the papered door.
There was no reply, llcr hear’ al
rae—t Stopped, leaped on again, raced
wildly. Sbe repeated the signal.
Then desperately, slip put her lips
to the wall.
she whispered.
There was absolute silence, save
for the heavy breathing of the de
teotive In the pas lor. Madness
seised her. She crept along the
tiny passage to the parlor door, and
working with infinite caution, in
.-pile of her frenzy, siie closed It
and locked it from the outside.
Then hack to the kitchen again,
pulse hammering.
The tnittle fell ofT the table and
broke with a crash. For a mo
ment she felt ns if something In heg
had given away also. Hut there
came no outcry from the parlor, no
heavy weight against the flimsy
door.
She got a knife from the table
drawer and cut relentlessly through
the new paper stripe. Then, with
the edge of the blade, she worked
the door -open.
Jim half sat. half lay, in the bot
tom of the closet with closed eyes.
Drink and fatigue had combined
with stifling air. She reached in
and shook him, but he motel un
der her hand without opening his
eyes. With almost superhuman
strength she dragged him out. laid
him prone on the kitchen floor,
brought snow aiul rublicd it over his
face, slapped liis wrists with It to
restore his pulse—the village
method.
He came to quickly, sat up and
stared almut him.
''Hush.*’ abe aaid, for fear he
would speak. “Can you hear me,
Jim? Do you know what 1 am say
lug?''
lie nodded.
"Cooper is locked in the parlor,
asleep. Tou can get away now. My
(loti, don't eloae your eyes again
Listen! You ran get away.”
“Away from what?'' he asked
stupidly.
"Away from the police. Try to re
member, Jim. You shot the dork
from the di ug store and—the girl
at Heldeger'i. The police are after
you. There's a thousand dollars on
your head.”
That roused him. He struggled
to hit feet, reeled, caught the table.
"1 retnemlwr Well, I ve got to
get away. That’s all But 1 ean't
go—feeling like this Get me—
sump whisky.”
He needed It. She brought it to
him. measured out. He grumbled at
the quantity, but after he had had
it his duli eyes cleared.
She bad gone to listen at tbe
parlor door. When she came back,
he w.is looking more himself. He
was a handsome fellowr with heavy
dark hair and dark eyes, a big man
us he towt-red above her in the little
kitchen. His face did not indicate
his weakness. There are men like
that, broken roods swinging in the
» nd. that yet manage to convey an
impression of strength.
Ilis wife brought the overcoat and
held it oot for him.
"By Phulie's fence, you said, Jim,
and then to the railroad There’s a
slow freight goes through on toward
morning, and !f that doesn't stop,
there's the milk train. And—Jim,
let me hear about you now and
then. Write to Aunt Sarah. Don't
write here, and don't think once
you get away that you are safe A
thousand dollars reward wrill set
everything in the country looking.”
He paused, the overcoat hqlf on
' A thousand dollars." he said
slowly. “I see. When I’m gone.
Molly, how are yotr going to make
out?”
•'I’ll manage somehow: only go.
Jim, Go!” .
l don’t know about this going,”
he said after a moment. •■They'll
grab me somewhere. Somebody'll
get that thousand. You'll manage
somehow! What do you mean by
'somehow? You'l! get married
again, ipaybv?”
“Oh, no: not that ”
He i-ared a little then—in spite of
the girl at Heidegcr's!
if he would only go! This thing
for whkh she had schemed the
whole night might fail now while
he talked.
•'You can't stay here.'* he aatd
slowly. “You can't bring the chil
dren up where everybody knows
about their father. They can't run
any sort of a race with that handi
cap.”
For answer she held out his over
coat. But be shook his head. Per
haps it was his one big moment.
Perhaps it was only a reaction from
his murderous mood of tha after
noon. For now quite suddenly he
put his arms around her.
”1 am not worth if. Molly." he
burst out. ”1 am not worth a
thousand dollars alive or dead, but
if they're offering that for me. tf
you had it you could go out west
somewhere and nobody would know
about yon. Yon could atart the
kids fresh That's about the only
%
tiling X wan Jo fur you—give you
a chance to get away and forget
you ever knew me."
Khe did not understand at firs'
When she did she broke Into quiet
sobbing. She knew his obstinacy:
the dogged tenacity of the weak.
Now when every second counted to
have him refuse to gt'
She pleaded with him, went down
on her knees, grew hysterical f.
nally. and had to be taken in his
arms and quieted, as he had not
quieted her in years. And still there
was no sound from the parlor.
■'They'll get me somehow," be re
peated over and over, "And I—l
would like to feel that 1 had dooe
one decent thing first. That red
eyed ferret in the parlor wall get
the money if you don't. For the
children. Molly they ve got a right
to ask to be started straight."
That s as the argument that
moved her finally into a sort of ac
quiescence. There seemed nothing
else for her to do. He even planned
the thing for her. He would hide
in the barn in the loft. The swift
snow wouki soon fill the footprints,
but in case she was anxious, she
could get up early and shovel a path
where he bad stepped.
• When Cooper wakened she could
say she thought the thing o\ei that
she need-si the money that sh
would exchange her know ’* ir- for
lhe reward. *
“Only you get a paj- r for it—
get a paper front H-i<! g-r. He'll
bluff it out if he car. He >jf --uck
on the girl himself."
“Jim. did you—car- for .1 g.rl
so much?'*
HI* face hardened “1 thought I
dal for a—for a little wtu.- She
made a fool of me* arwl I - - «ed
her. But aC the time 1 io»ed ;ou.
Molly. *
He kissed her sclem: .■ <i-.e
half lay in hts arms a- 1 w ■ >
ward the door
“Good-bye and God ties* ye u*
said. “And kiss the—
He choked up at tha- ana n.ud
his way out through the drifts
the porch to the little jard.
She closed the door and fastened
it behind him Then very carefully
she unlocked the parlor door and
opened it. Cooper was still .n his
chair, sunk a little lower v rhaps
and breathng heavily, the over
turned teacup or. the f.oo I -esai*
him.
•« Pkfi' Kagbt
Pantomime
By J. H. Striebel
A B«.v and a String