The Omaha morning bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 1922-1927, February 04, 1923, Page 9-A, Image 8

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    State Retailers
Will Meet Here
l; February 13-15
♦
Many Entertainment Features
Planned During Annnal
Convention and
Style Revue.
Nebraska Retail Clothiers, who will
hold their annual exposition, conven
tion and Style revue at Hotel Fonte
nelle, February 13 to 15. plan to make
tnii their banner convention. Three en
t!re floors of the Hotel Fontenelle
will be devoted to exposition purposes
only. Other displays will be at va
rious hotels, according to L. A.
Leppke and C. C. Westcott, who are
arranging the program.
Tuesday morning, February 13. will
be devoted to registration. Lunch
eon at 12 will be in the main ball
room of Hotel Fontenelle. immediate
ly following which will be an elabo
rate style revue under the direction
of the Bradley Knitting company of
I’evalan. Wi». Twenty living models,
according to reports, will display the
largest, most attractive showing of
outer knitted garments. Including
sweaters and bathing suits, ever ex
hibited in this section of the country.
L. N. Jackson, president and sec
retary of Lampher-Sklnner company
of St. Paul, will have an exhibition
> of furs and a style revue.
Mayor to Speak.
Address of welcome will be made
bv Mayor James C. Dahlman, and In
vocation by Rev. J. W. G. Fast of
the First Methodist church. Percy
90' Cogswell, president of the Nebraska
retailers of Alliance, will opep the
meeting. Response will he hy Joe
Sarbach. president of the Men’s Ap
parel club.
Tuesday evening dinner, smoker and
round table discussion will be held at
5 in private dining room of Hotel
Fontenelle. Billy Wolfe will preside.
Wednesday and Thursday mornings
will lie given to exposition of clothing
and buying. Sample rooms will close
esch day promptly at noon. Lunch
eon Wednesday and Thursday will be
served In Togan inn of Hotel Fon
tenelle. Through courtesy of the Ne
braska. Power company, a jmdio outfit
w.U be installed In the Logan Inn.
Harry TJ. Abbott, manager of Brown
ing King company, will lead the song
fests at the luncheons
Keynote Address.
The keynote speech will he given
Wednesday afternoon by Charles Coo
' lidgc Parlin. manager of the commer
cial research department of the Cur
t s Publishing company, of Philadel
phia.
Wednesday night the wholesale Job
bers and manufacturers will give a
‘ catfish" dinner and entertainment In
the Burgess Nash tea room for mem
bers and their wives. This feature of
the prrjgram will he in charge of Roy
T. Byrne of the Byrne-Hammer T>ry
flood company, and L. B. Clough of
M. T2. Smith and company.
Thursday will be “Nebraska day.”
Fred Voiland. president of the Na
tional Association of Retail Clothiers,
of Topeka. Kan., will address the con
vention that afternoon.
Special Committee.
Special representative committee
appointed to receive Mr. Voiland con j
nists of Prof. J. H. Beveridge, su ,
periutendent of schools; Gould Pietr. j
governor of Ak Sar-Ben: Roy T. |
Ryrne, Ryrne-Hammer Pry Goods j
company: John Swanson, president of
the Nebraska Clothing company; W. I
R. Tagg. director of the Omaha Ath
• letlo club, and W. R. Cheelt, president
of the Omaha Auto club.
Others on the program will be Gil
bert M. Hitchcock. Thomas C. Bjrn».
president of Ryrne-Hammer Dry
Goods company; John A. Swanson,
president of the Nebraska Clothing
company, and Pan Morris, president
of the City National bank of Kearney,
Neb.
Present officers of the Nebraska Re
tail Clothiers are Percy C. Cogswell, j
Alliance, president: R. 15. Wilcox. Oma
ha. vice president, and Harry Hough,
OgallAla, secretary and treasurer.
Men's Apparel club dinner will dose
the convention. Committee in charge
that evening will be Pan A. Sonne
lsnd, H. A. DeArcy and Joe Sarbach.
Right vaudeville acts will furnish en
tertainment.
Sales Expert to
Talk to Clothiers
State Convention Will Hear of
Changing Clothing Condi* *
tions in Country.
C. C. Tarlin. retail sales expert for
the Curtiss Publishing company. will
adress the convention of the Nebras
Retail Clothiers' association Tues
day afternoon. February 13, at the
Hotel Fontenelle. on "Changing Sales
Conditions In the Retail Clothing
Business."
Business men of Omaha and Coun
cil Bluffs will be invited to hear the
address.
Following Mr. Parlln's talk, an ex
hibition of bathing suits on living
models will staged by A. H. Ixiwe of
1he Bradley Knitting Mills, Delevan,
Wii.
Members of the Men’s Apparel club
will be in charge of the program for
the annual banquet, which will close
the convention.
Clothiers from all over Nebraska
will be In attendance.
Hunting Record Broken.
Medina, O., Feb. S.—Aided by his
two dogs. P. 3. Woods of Lodie broke
the hunting record when he bagged
seven coons tn a single night. Tlje
dog* also held up five skunks and five
'possums the same night.
< . i
Narrow Escape for Kidnaped Plumber
1 ■■■' . By STEPHEN LEACOCK---—
Personally," said Thornton, •peak
ing for the first time, "I never care
to take a caae that Involves cellar
work.”
We were ritting, • little group of
ue, around about the fire In a com
fortable corner of the Steam and Air
club. Our talk had turned, aa always
happens with a group of professional
men, Into more or less technical chan
nels. I will not say that we were
talking shop; the word has an offen
sive sound, and mtght be misunder
stood. But we were talking aa only
a group of practising plumbers—In
cluding some of the biggest men In
the profession—would talk.
With the exception of Everett, who
had a national reputation as a con
sulting barber, and Thomas, who was
a vacuum cleaner expert. I think we
all belonged to the same profession.
We had\been holding a convention,
and Forteecue. who had one of the
biggest furnace practices in the coun
try, had read us a paper that after
noon—a most revolutionary thing—
on External Diagnosis of Defective
Feed Pipes, snd naturally the thing
had bred discussion. It was in the
couras of this that Thornton inter
rupted with his remark about never
being willing to accept a cellar case.
False Diagnosis.
Naturally all the men turned to
look at the speaker. Henry Thorn
ton, at the time of which I relate,
was at the height of his reputation.
Beginning, quite literally, at the bot
tom of the ladder, he had In 20 years
of prattles as an operating plumber
raised himself to the tojT’of his profes
sion. There was much in his ap
pearance to suggest the underlying
reasons of his success. His ftice, o-i
is usual with men of our calling, had
something of the dreamer In It, but
the bold set of the Jaw Indicated de
termination of an uncommon kind.
Three times president of the Plumb
ers’ association. Henry Thornton had
enjoyed the highest honors of his
chosen profession. His book on Nut
Coal was recognized as the Inst word
on the subject, and had been crowned
by the French Academy of Nuts.
“You never go into a cellar!”’
asked Forteecue. “But hang it, man.
I don’t see how one can avoid it!”
"Well, I do avoid it,” answered
Thornton, “at least as far aa T possi
bly can. I send down my solderlst, of
course, hut personally, unless it Is
absolutely necessary, 1 never go
down.”
■'Thai's all very well, my dear fel
low.” Forteacuei cut in, ' trut you (
know as well as I do that you get
ease after case where the cellar di
agnosis Is simply vital. I hod a. case
last week, a most Interesting thing."
—he turned to the group of us as he
spoke—“a double lesion of a gas pipe
under a cement floor—half a doisen
of my colleagues had been absolutely
baffled. They had made an entirely
false diagnosis, operated on the din
ing room floor, which they removed
and carried home, and when I was
called In thsy had Just obtained per
mission from the Stone Masons Pro
tective association to knock down one
side f the house. After ws had fin
ished the whole operation—f forgot to
say that we had thrown the coal out
on the lawn to avoid any complica
tion—the proprietor quite broke down.
He offered us to take his whole house
and keep it. But. gentlemen. I feel
that when Mr. Thornton says that he
never goes down into a cellar there
must be a story behind it. I think
we should invite him to relate it to
us.”
Case of Great Urgency.
A murmur of ament greeted the
speaker's suggestion. For myself I
was particularly pleased. Inasmuch as
I have long felt that Thornton as a
raconteur was almost a? interesting
us in the rcle of an operating plumb
er.
"N'ot much of a story, perhaps.”
said Thornton, "hut such as it is you
are welcome to it. So if you srill
just fill up your glasses with rasp
berry vinegar, you may have the tale
for what it la worth.”
We gladly complied witlj the sug
gestion and Thornton continued.
"It happened a good many years
ago at n time when I was only a
young fellow fresh from college, very'
proud of my Plumb. B.. and inclined
to think that I knew it all. I should
mention that at this time I waa not
married, but had set up a modest
apartment of my own with a consult
ing room and a single man servant.
Naturally I could not afford the serv
ices of a solderist or a gussist and did
everything for myself, though Sim
mons. my man, could at a pinch be
utilised to tear down plaster and
break furniture.”
Thornton paused to take a sip of
raspberry vinegar and went on.
"Well, then. T had come home par
ticularly tired after a long day and T
felt, therefore, none too well pleased
when a little while after dinner the
bell rang and Simmons brought word
to the library that there was a client
in the consulting room. I reminded
the fellow that I could not possibly
consider a case at such an advanced
hour unless I were paid emergency
overtime wages with time and a half
during the day of recovery.
“Simmons,' to my surprise, told me
that he had already Informed the
client of this fact, and that the answer
had only been a plea that the case
was too urgent to admit of delay. He
also supplied the further information
that the client was a young lady. I
am afraid,” added Thornton, looking
round his audience with a sympathetic
smile, "that Simmons (I had got him
from Harvard and he had not yet
quite learned his place) even said
something about her being strikingly
handsome."
A general laugh greeted Thornton'?
announcement.
"After all," said Fortescue. "X never
could see why an ice man should be
supposed to have a monopoly on gal
lantry.”
"Oh, I don't know,” said Thornton.
‘ For my part—I say it without affec
tation—the moment T am called in
professionally, women, as women.
1 cease to exist for me.
Beauty tn Distress,
j "On entering the consulting room
i T saw at once that Hiinmona had exag
; gcrated nothing in describing my
client as beautiful. X hate seldom,
even among my own class, seen a
mere strikingly handsome girl. Pho
was dressed in'* very plain and sim
ple fashion which showed me at once
she belonged merely to the capitalist
class. I im, as I think you know,
something ef an obaerver, and my eye
at cnee noted the abeer.ee "of heavy
gold earrings and wrist bangles. The
blue feathers at ~lhe aide ef her hat
were none of them more than aix
Inches long and the buttons on her
packet were so inconspicuous that one
would hardly notice them. In short,
while her dress was no doubt good
and serviceable, there waa an absence
of chic, a lack of noise about It, that
told at once the taie of narrow cir
cumstances.
She was evidently in great distress.
“*Oh. Mr. Thornton.’ she exclaimed
advancing towards me. ’do cdne to our
house at once. I ailmply don't know
what to do.'
"She spoke with great emotion and
seemed almost on the point of break
ing into tears.
" 'Pray calm yourself, my dear
young lady,’ I said, 'and try to tell
me what is the trouble.’
" 'Oh. don't lose any time,' abe
said, ‘do come at once.'
" 'We will lose no time,’ I said
reassuringly, as I looked at my watch.
it you will have the goodness first
to fetch me a little light ■supper, I
shall be glad to see what 1 can do
afterwards.’
"My first manner had its effect.
With obvious reluctance, the fellow
served me some biscuits and some not
tad champagne in the dining room.
"The girl had meantime disappeared
upstairs.
"Jf you're ready now,’ said the
bishop, ‘come on down.’
“We went down to the cellar. It j
was a huge gloomy place, with a ce
ment floor, lighted by a dim electric
bulb. I could see in the corner the :
outline of a large furnace (in those
days the poorer classes had still no
central heat) and near it a tall boiler. I
In front of this a man was kneeling,
evidently trving to unscrew a nut, I
but twisting it the wrong way. He ,
was an elderly man with gray mous
__ I
Simmons brought word to the library that there was a client In the ,
'Consulting room."
‘It is now 7:30. We will reckon the
time from now, with overtime at time
and a half. But if I am to do any
thing for you. I must have some idea
of what has happened.’
“ ‘The cellar boiler,’ she moaned,
clasping her hands together, ‘the cel
lar boiler won't work.’
Searching Questions.
“ ‘Ah.’ I said soothingly. ’The cel
lar boiler won't work.’
“ ’How's your pressure guage?’ I
aeked. 'Bo you draw from the mains
or are you on the high level reser
voir?’
“It had occurred lo me at ©nee
that It might be merely a case of
stoppage of her main f^ed. complicat
ed. perhaps, with a valvular trouble
in her exhaust. On the other hand. It
was clear enough that If her feed was
full and her guages working, her
trouble was more likely a leak some
wh»re In her piping.
“But all attempts to draw from the
girl any dear Idea of ihe symptoms
were utiai ailing. All she could tell me
was that the cellar boiler wouldn't
work. Beyond Uiat her answers were
mere confusion. I gathered enough,
however, to feel sure that the main
feed was still working and that her
top story’ check valve was probably
in order. With that I had to be con
tent.
“As a y oung practitioner, I l)ad as
yet no motor car. Simmons, however,
summoned me a taxi, into which I
hurriedly placed the glfl and my bas
ket of Instruments, and was soon
speeding in the direction she indicat
ed. It was a dark, lowering night
with flecks of rain against the win
dows of the cab and there was some
thing in the lateness of the hour (it
was now after half past eight and
the nature of my mission which gate
me a stimulating sense of adventure.
The girl directed me, as I felt sure
she would, towards the capitalist quar
ter of the town.
“We had soon eped away from the
brightly lighted streets and tall apart
ment buildings among which my usu
al practice lay. and entered the
gloomy and dilapidated section of the
city where the unhappy capitalist
class reside. I need not remind those
of you who know it that'it Is scarce
ly’ a cheerful place to find oneself In
after nightfall. The Inhabitants liv
ing. so it is said, on their scanty divi
dends and on such part of their In
come as our taxation is still unable
to reach, are not people that one
would care to fall in with after night
fall.
Rmhop w tin Monkey »remit.
“We alighted at one of the most
sombre of the houses and our taxi
driver, with evident relief, made off
in the darkness.
“The girl admitted us into a dark
hall where she turned on an electric
light. ‘We have light,’ she said, with
that peculiar touch of pride that one
sees so often in her class; 'we have
four bulbs.’
"Then she called down a flight of
stairs that apparently led to the cel
lar.
“ 'Father, the plumber has come.
Do come up now, dear, and rest.’
"A step sounded on the stairs and
there appeared beside us one of the
most forbidding looking men that I
have ever beheld. 1 don't know wheth
er any of you have ever seen an
Anglican Bishop. I’robably not. Out
side of the bush, they are seldom
seen.
“Hut at the time of which T speak
there were a few still here and there
| in the purlieus of the city. The man
before us was tall and ferocious and
his native ferocity was further en
! b.aneed by the heavy black beard
| which tee w ore in open defiance of
the compulsory shaving laws. His
j black-shaped hat and his black clothes
| lent him a singularly sinister appear
| ance, while his legs were bound in
tight gaiters, as if ready for an In
stant spring. He carried In his hand
I .in enormous monkey wrench, en
which his Angers were clasped la a
, restless grip.
j " 'Can you A* the accursed thing?'
I he asked.
I “1 was not accustomed to being
spoken to in this way. but I was will
ing for the girl’s sake to strain pro
fessional courtesy to the limit.
'' '1 don t -know,' I answered, ‘but
tachee and was dressed In open fleii-1
ance of the law, In a military eoe-1
turn* or uniform.
[ “He turned round toward* us and ,
rose from his knees.
'• 'I’m dashed if I can make the
rotton thin* go round,’ he said.
“ 'It’s all right, general,’ said the
bishop, ’I have brought * plumber.’
Professional Dilemma.
“For the neit few minute* my pro
fessional interest absorbed all my fac
ulties. I laid out my instruments
upon a board, tapped the boiler with
a small hammer, tested the feed tube,
and in a few moments had made what
I was convinced wae a correct diag
nosis of the trouble.
"But here I encountered the great-1
est professional dilemma in which I
have ever been placed. There wa3 '
nothing wrong with the boiler at all. j
It connected, as I ascertained at;
once by a thermo dynanvio valvular;
test, with the furnace (in fact, I
could see it did), and the furnace
quite evidently had been allowed to
go out.
“What was I to do? It was my plain
professional duty to take a large ham
mer and knock holes in the boiler
with it. smash up the furnace pipes,
start a leak of gas and then call In
three or more of my colleagues.
“But somehow T couldn’t And it in
my heart to do it. The thought of the
girl's appealing face aroee before me.
“ How long has this trouble been
goln on'.” I asked sternly.
'• ‘Quite a time,’ answered the
bishop. ’It began, did it not, General,
the same day that the confounded fur
nace went out? The general here
and Admiral Hay and I have been
working at it for three days.’
•’ 'Well, gentlemen,’ I said, don't
you see that the whole trouble is be
cause you let the furnace out. The
boiler itself is all right, but you see,
gents, it feeds off the furnace.’
“The upshot was that in 20 minutes
we had the whole thing put to rights.
Trapped!
“ 'But now tell me,' said the bishop,
'suppose one wanted to let the fur
nace out—suppose, I mean to say,
that It was summer time and sup
pose one rather felt that one didn’t
care about a furnace and yet one
wanted one's boiler going for one’s
hot water, and that sort of thin*,
what would one do?’
“ 'In that case.’ I said, 'you couldn't
run your heating off your furnace:
“The general shook his head. ‘Btsh
op.' tjy said, "just step upstairs a
minute; I have an Idea.'
" 'Ah, there you pet me rather be
jond my depth,' said the bishop.
"They went up together, leaving
me below. To my surprise and con
sternation, as they reached the top of I
•he cellar stairs. I iw the general j
swing the uoor shut and heard a key
of the stairs and tried in vain to
open the door. I was trapped. In a
moment I realized the folly in trust
ing myself In the hands of these peo
ple.
“I could hear their voices in the
hail, apparently in eager discussion.
" 'Hut the fellow is priceless,' the
general was “aylng. 'TTe could take
him round to all the different houses
and make him fix them all. Hang it.
Bishop, 1 haven't had a decent tap
running for two years and Admiral
Hay's pantry has been flooded since
last March.’
" 'But one couldn’t compel him?’
“ 'Certainly, why not? I’d compel
him bally quick with this.'
“I couldn’t see what the general
referred to. but had no doubt that it
was the huge wrench that he still car
ried in his hand.
“ ‘We could gag the fellow.’ he
went on, 'take him from house to i
house and make him put ev erything i
right.’
" 'Ah, but afterward?’ said the I
bishop.
” 'Afterward,' answered the general,
knock him on the head and’bury him
under the cement in the cellar. Or for
that matter I imagine one could easi
ly uae the furnace itself to dispose
of him.”
inamrnMM6 Horror.
"I must confess that my blood ran !
cold as 1 listened.
*‘ 'But do you think It right?” ob- ;
Jected the bishop. ‘You will say. of
course, that it Is only killing a plumb
er; but yet one asks onself whether It
wouldn’t be just a lectle bit unjusti
fiable.’
“ ‘Nonsense.’ repeated the general,
‘come along and get llay. He'll make .
short work of him.'
"I heard their retreating footsteps
and then all was still.
"The horror which filled my mind
aa 1 sat In the half darkness waiting |
for their return I cannot describe. My !
fate appeared sealed and 1 gave my-!
self up for lost when presently I
heard a light step in the hall and the
key turned in the lock.
"The girl stood In front of me. She
was trembling with emotion.
“ Quick, quick, Mr. Thornton.’ ehe
said. ‘I heard all that they said. Oh,
I think it’s dreadful of them, simply
dreadful. Mr. Thornton. I’m really
ashamed that father should act that
way.’
"I came out In the hall still half
dazod.
*’ 'They’ve gone over to Admiral j
Hay’s house; there among the trees.
That's their lantern. Please, please,
don't lose a minute. Do you mind not
having a cab? I think really you’d
prefer not to wait. And look, won't
you please take this’—she handed me
a little packet an she spoke—‘this Is
a piece of pie; you always get that,
don't you, and there's a bit of cheeee
with It, but plea*# run.’
“In another moment I had bounded
from the door Into the darkness. A
wild rush through the darkened
streets and in !0 minutes I was safo
back again In my own consulting
room."
Sequel to the Story.
Thornton paused in hie narrative,
and at that moment one of the stew
ards of the club came and whispered
something in his ear.
He rose.
*T’m sorry,” he said, with a grave
face. "I’m called away; a very old
client of min*. Valvular trouble of the
worst kind. I doubt if I can do any
thing, but I must at least go. Please
don't let me break up your evening,
however.”
With a courtly bow he left tta.
“And do you know the sequel to
Thornton's story?'1 asked Fortescue
with a smile.
W# looked expectantly at him.
"Why, he married the girl,” ex
plained Fortescue. "You see he had
to go back to her house for his
wrench. One always does.”
“Of course.” we exclaimed.
"In fact, he went three times; and
the last time he asked the girl to mar
ry him and she said ‘yes.’ He took
her out of her surroundings, had her
educated at a cooking school, and
had her give, lessens on the parlor
organ. She's Mrs. Thornton now.”
(Copjrisbt. 1123.)
Saloon on Wheels.
Atlanta, Ga., Feb. 3.—J. G. Pick
ett was arrested here charged with,
operating an open bar in hie auto
mobile in a downtown section.
Pickett was arrested by local po
lice authorities, who stated that they
found a gallon jug of "moonshine”
nnd another gallon that had been bot
tled.
"I saw him making a sale.” atated
one of the officers. “He was retail
ing the ‘shine’ at 31.50 per pint.”
All V ERTISEM EN T.
AmiinsBUM.
Child's tongue shows
if bilious, constipated
1
: MOTHER, CLEAN CHILD’S BOWELS
WITH “CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP”
—- 1 '
Even Cross, Feverish, Sick Children Love its Taste
and it Never Fails to Empty Little Bowels
Hurray mother.' A teaspoonful of
' California Vis Syrup” today may
prevent a sick child tomorrow. If your
< hlld la constipated, bilious, fretful,
has eold, colic, or If atomm-h is sour,
torjrue coated, breath bad, remember
I a coed liver and bowel action ia often
all that is necessary.
Ask your druggist for genuine
"California Fig Syrup.” It never j
i ramps or overacts. Full directions
for babies and children of ail ages
are printed on each boltle. bay j
"California” or you may get an uni- i
lation tig ayru
9
The Lady, the Taxi Man
and the Wet, Wet Water
(^•np—ItoufflM afreet bridge.
i ha router*—\n eirited l*d>. a hard
boiled tail dr|rer. nn irritated tollkeefter,
police officer*, rejiorter*, etc.
Time—entide ‘a winter.
(Taxicab rolls onto Douglas street
bridge, its meter clicking merrily. Its
only passenger, a Indy, stops to pow
der nose nnd twists In seat in effort
to survey reflection of self in glass.
Driver handles wheel perfunctorily,
dreaming of crap game in garage and
grieving deeply over $1.75 contributed
to tho cause of a scrofulous bunch.
There is a sudden rapping on the
glass of the cab, the driver turns and
the lady speaks.)
The lady: Is this the bridge?
The driver (muttering to himself):
Does it look like the public library?
(Aloud.) It is.
The lady: Stop the car a moment.
(The driver diRgustefllv obeys in
structions, grumbling to himself th*
your lip, I ran t stand arguments, I
they give me a headache. Get down ]
offa that rail and get in that cab. I
can’t be wasting the entire night
around here.
The lady, still very dramatic: I tell,
you I’m going to end It all. What Is
this world but disappointments snd I
misery? Stand bark, stand back, I j
want to destroy myself.
1T0 emphasize her words, the lady j
at tempts a gesture ^nd loses balance.
The driver seizes h»'r arm just in time
to save her.)
The driver: Wha'd I tell you? If
T hadn’t been here you'd have flop
ped right into that drink and that wa
ter’s wet. Wlwidaja think that riv
er is, a bathing beaeh? Come on. get
down offa. that rail before you slip.
(At this point the lady's struggles
while.) Steve Brodie's Wife again.
These fractious females give me a
Vain. Ho. hum. I suppose it’s all in j
the day’s work, but 1 never did care .
much for work.
(As the car stops, the lady steps out 1
and tosses dollar to driver, who es- j
amines it critically. The lady starts j
toward the railing, lifting skirts dain
tily and stepping carefully to one side
to avoid small puddle. Driver, slouch
ed behind wheel, watches curiously
and when convinced of the lady's pur
pose frowns with deep annoyance.
Bights cigaret while be debates in j
own mind w^hat shall be his proced- {
ure.l I'd probably be doing the world j
a favor if I let her take the long I
leap. Still, it would be a dirty trick I
to let that hat get ruined, it must
have cost all of slugs, and some j
poor goof probably got plenty of bad
news when that fur coat came home.
And then again I never did see any
body flop off that rail: maybe it'll
gimme a thrill. * Aw, rats. I sup
pose her mother'll stand for her if I
nobody else will and I better go over ■
and give her a wallop in the Jaw.
(Driver twists himself from behind
wheel and saunters over toward rail
ing.) Hey. you. whadilava trying to
do, break your leg? Coins down ofTa
that railing before you lose your hal
nnee. First thing you know you'll
fall in the water and ruin that pretty
feather.
The Jidy. dramatically: I'm going
to end It all.
The driver: Nix on that Dearl
TVhite stuff with me. kid. T've hecil
to the movies myself. Get down offa
that rail before I push you in-the
river.
The lady: Don't you dare touch
me, I'm going to kill myself and I
won't be pushed.
The driver: Don't give me any of
.
Just Out! Free! Write Today!
VAUGHAN’S
1923 Seed Catalog
For 46 Ytari the rolioneo
of Gard*ntr« In tho Wwt
111 1 --•
A Seed Catalog Vnliha Othera!
A MAGAZINE of hotne gardening in* i
formation ts well as a complete list
with pictures, prices and descriptions of
everything the up'tO'date home gardener
needs or desires.
74 Colored Plates
'THE most complete collection of correct
1 illustrations of annual flowers in true
colors eve/ published in ao American seed
catalog*
Advice by Expert*
Planting plans and cultural directions for
flower and vegetable gardens, and all the
latent aarden n^wa and novelties, flower and
vegetable.
Vaughan’* Coloaaal Zinnia*
If you ha\ e not grow n them you do not
know the magnificence to which plant breed
ing has raised this flow er. t*cnd 10 cants s
to our store nesreat you for a packet of
Vaughan's Special Mixture of Colnasal
Zinnias and a copy of Vaughan'a Garden
ing Illustrated for 1923* or write for the
Catalog alone. Mailed FREE.
Vaughan's Seed Store
low. Randolph St.. CHICAGO
Aid EKTIKKMKVr.
It’s Neuritis!
Not Rheumatism
That aharr. stabbing pain in the upper ;
arm. about the shoulder blade, in the nane
of the neck, along the forearm or dov n the
thigh and leg, la often Neuritis --not Rheu
matism.
If you have severe {frontal headache ,
with a feeling that something is twitching
or puilinr at the eyeballs a dull, aching
pain in the back, accompanied hy an oc
casional shooting pain in the side- numb
ness or tingling in the fingers or “stitches "
of pain here and there, the chances are 1
that your trouble is Neuritis.
No matter where your pain is located, i
▼ou can get prompt relief without taking
bromides, nareotica or other dope. Apply 1
Tyamol over the part that hurts, and yon
will he rid of the torture. Tyamol is guar- I
sntecd harmless. It helps to rooth and heal J
the «ei'{, inflamed ner\ea.
Hoo t siffer anv longer. Get a *1 pack- t
age of Tyamol Absorbent from Sherman A i
lfleC'onneli or anv reliable drugg's*
Tyimol Co . Mfg. laaraiaia. 400 luUti ,
ftU Isa JfiacUig. 1
f
begin to interfere with the driver's
manipulation of his cigaret and he
loses his temper.)
The driver: That settle* it, I'm
not going to bother with you any
more. I'm going to call the police.
(Whereupon driver pull* woman
from rail and still holding her by
the. arm drags her to the tollkeeper’a
station.)
The driver: rage the cops, here's
another nho wanted to get to St.
Louis quick.
The tollkeepcr. slightly peevish:
How about bridge fare" I v* *°ua
collect that first.
The driver: Kick in with the brtdg*
fare, kid, kick in.
(The lady pays.) i
The driver: Now call the cop*.
• An emergent*- siren cuts the an'.
Officers with clubs and revolver*
drawn and enuirped with grappling
hooks, a straightjacket, a pulmotor
and sawed off riot guns, leap from th*
machine. A battalion of reporter* on
their heels. •
The driver: Here, grab this wild
woman. Sh* almost fell into th*
brook.
A police officer: What * the mat*
ter with herY
The driver: Whaddaya think I ant,
a mind reader? Maybe she bobbed
her hair at the wrong time, or * bow
legged, or didn't have a new coat
as good as the twist and twirl in th*
next flat, or maybe she's lieen eating
too many nut sundses. But don't be
asking hie. I've got my own trou
bles to worry alvout. including on*
hog and s.x bits I sunk in the crap
game at the garage and 1 gotia be
getting back to It. So long, I'm on
my wbv, and tell the reporters to be
sure and put the lady's pieture In
the papers, otherwise her evening will
positively be ruined.
CURTAIN.
Widow Is Denied
Final Decree by Judge
Denver, Feb. 3. — District Judge
Heresy declined to grant a final de
cree of divorce to a dead woman here.
The deceased, Mr". Cornelia F. Kel
logg, was granted a preliminary' *!•*
cree shortly before her death last
October from Cecil X. Kellogg, ft
salesman, believed to be living In
Texas. James W. Kelly, attorney
for Mrs. Kellogg in the preliminary
hearing, asked the court to sign ft
final decree in her favor "to clear
up formalities in connection with tha
case."
It is believed the effort to eecura
the final decree was made in order
to exclude Kellogg as an heir to hi*
wife’s property:
390 Murdrrs in Four \ ear«.
I.ondon, Feb. 3.—Statistic* ,1use
published show' that there have been
330 murders in England during the
past four years. Of this total only
14 cases was the murderer not brought
to justice. Ninety-three persona wer*
convicted of murder and executedi
while SS murderers committed suf*
cide. Seventy people were convicted
of murder, but were proved insane.
L & W. Shirts
In a Great
Bargain Sale
There is never a time when men can’t
use a few new shirts. The best time to
buy them is when the prices are so re
duced that purchasing means a substan
tial saving in money, or when the
lower prices afford shirts of better
quality at the price you wish to pay.
EARL & WILSON
f shirts are the world’s standard of shirt
quality. And it is a Pray POLICY to
guarantee every shirt for one full year
against fading, shrinking and wearing
out. This sale therefore offers you the
finest shirts at the lowest prices, and
we guarantee you SHIRT SATISFAC
tion with every purchase for ONE
FULL YEAR.
Come •••• Buy Now
Genuine E. A W. Shirts, 1 CC
regular $2.50 values. *.Y*•%}%*
Genuine E. A W. Shirts, QC
$3.00 and $3.50 values. .^...Y* 3
Genuine E. A W. Shirts, QC
values to $5.00.
Genuine E. A W. Shirts, v
silk and silk and wool, A g
values to $12.00..
Other Bargain Events
in Our Closing Out Sale
^ We have reduced the prices sharply
on nearly every article in our 16th
Street Store? Come expecting real bar
gains on the things you need. We know
that you’ll be more than pleased with'
your purchases.
PRAY
508*10 South 16th Street
THESE PRICES ARE NQT IN EPTECT AT OU*
FARNAM STREET STORE