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About The Omaha morning bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 1922-1927 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 4, 1923)
State Retailers Will Meet Here l; February 13-15 ♦ Many Entertainment Features Planned During Annnal Convention and Style Revue. Nebraska Retail Clothiers, who will hold their annual exposition, conven tion and Style revue at Hotel Fonte nelle, February 13 to 15. plan to make tnii their banner convention. Three en t!re floors of the Hotel Fontenelle will be devoted to exposition purposes only. Other displays will be at va rious hotels, according to L. A. Leppke and C. C. Westcott, who are arranging the program. Tuesday morning, February 13. will be devoted to registration. Lunch eon at 12 will be in the main ball room of Hotel Fontenelle. immediate ly following which will be an elabo rate style revue under the direction of the Bradley Knitting company of I’evalan. Wi». Twenty living models, according to reports, will display the largest, most attractive showing of outer knitted garments. Including sweaters and bathing suits, ever ex hibited in this section of the country. L. N. Jackson, president and sec retary of Lampher-Sklnner company of St. Paul, will have an exhibition > of furs and a style revue. Mayor to Speak. Address of welcome will be made bv Mayor James C. Dahlman, and In vocation by Rev. J. W. G. Fast of the First Methodist church. Percy 90' Cogswell, president of the Nebraska retailers of Alliance, will opep the meeting. Response will he hy Joe Sarbach. president of the Men’s Ap parel club. Tuesday evening dinner, smoker and round table discussion will be held at 5 in private dining room of Hotel Fontenelle. Billy Wolfe will preside. Wednesday and Thursday mornings will lie given to exposition of clothing and buying. Sample rooms will close esch day promptly at noon. Lunch eon Wednesday and Thursday will be served In Togan inn of Hotel Fon tenelle. Through courtesy of the Ne braska. Power company, a jmdio outfit w.U be installed In the Logan Inn. Harry TJ. Abbott, manager of Brown ing King company, will lead the song fests at the luncheons Keynote Address. The keynote speech will he given Wednesday afternoon by Charles Coo ' lidgc Parlin. manager of the commer cial research department of the Cur t s Publishing company, of Philadel phia. Wednesday night the wholesale Job bers and manufacturers will give a ‘ catfish" dinner and entertainment In the Burgess Nash tea room for mem bers and their wives. This feature of the prrjgram will he in charge of Roy T. Byrne of the Byrne-Hammer T>ry flood company, and L. B. Clough of M. T2. Smith and company. Thursday will be “Nebraska day.” Fred Voiland. president of the Na tional Association of Retail Clothiers, of Topeka. Kan., will address the con vention that afternoon. Special Committee. Special representative committee appointed to receive Mr. Voiland con j nists of Prof. J. H. Beveridge, su , periutendent of schools; Gould Pietr. j governor of Ak Sar-Ben: Roy T. | Ryrne, Ryrne-Hammer Pry Goods j company: John Swanson, president of the Nebraska Clothing company; W. I R. Tagg. director of the Omaha Ath • letlo club, and W. R. Cheelt, president of the Omaha Auto club. Others on the program will be Gil bert M. Hitchcock. Thomas C. Bjrn». president of Ryrne-Hammer Dry Goods company; John A. Swanson, president of the Nebraska Clothing company, and Pan Morris, president of the City National bank of Kearney, Neb. Present officers of the Nebraska Re tail Clothiers are Percy C. Cogswell, j Alliance, president: R. 15. Wilcox. Oma ha. vice president, and Harry Hough, OgallAla, secretary and treasurer. Men's Apparel club dinner will dose the convention. Committee in charge that evening will be Pan A. Sonne lsnd, H. A. DeArcy and Joe Sarbach. Right vaudeville acts will furnish en tertainment. Sales Expert to Talk to Clothiers State Convention Will Hear of Changing Clothing Condi* * tions in Country. C. C. Tarlin. retail sales expert for the Curtiss Publishing company. will adress the convention of the Nebras Retail Clothiers' association Tues day afternoon. February 13, at the Hotel Fontenelle. on "Changing Sales Conditions In the Retail Clothing Business." Business men of Omaha and Coun cil Bluffs will be invited to hear the address. Following Mr. Parlln's talk, an ex hibition of bathing suits on living models will staged by A. H. Ixiwe of 1he Bradley Knitting Mills, Delevan, Wii. Members of the Men’s Apparel club will be in charge of the program for the annual banquet, which will close the convention. Clothiers from all over Nebraska will be In attendance. Hunting Record Broken. Medina, O., Feb. S.—Aided by his two dogs. P. 3. Woods of Lodie broke the hunting record when he bagged seven coons tn a single night. Tlje dog* also held up five skunks and five 'possums the same night. < . i Narrow Escape for Kidnaped Plumber 1 ■■■' . By STEPHEN LEACOCK---— Personally," said Thornton, •peak ing for the first time, "I never care to take a caae that Involves cellar work.” We were ritting, • little group of ue, around about the fire In a com fortable corner of the Steam and Air club. Our talk had turned, aa always happens with a group of professional men, Into more or less technical chan nels. I will not say that we were talking shop; the word has an offen sive sound, and mtght be misunder stood. But we were talking aa only a group of practising plumbers—In cluding some of the biggest men In the profession—would talk. With the exception of Everett, who had a national reputation as a con sulting barber, and Thomas, who was a vacuum cleaner expert. I think we all belonged to the same profession. We had\been holding a convention, and Forteecue. who had one of the biggest furnace practices in the coun try, had read us a paper that after noon—a most revolutionary thing— on External Diagnosis of Defective Feed Pipes, snd naturally the thing had bred discussion. It was in the couras of this that Thornton inter rupted with his remark about never being willing to accept a cellar case. False Diagnosis. Naturally all the men turned to look at the speaker. Henry Thorn ton, at the time of which I relate, was at the height of his reputation. Beginning, quite literally, at the bot tom of the ladder, he had In 20 years of prattles as an operating plumber raised himself to the tojT’of his profes sion. There was much in his ap pearance to suggest the underlying reasons of his success. His ftice, o-i is usual with men of our calling, had something of the dreamer In It, but the bold set of the Jaw Indicated de termination of an uncommon kind. Three times president of the Plumb ers’ association. Henry Thornton had enjoyed the highest honors of his chosen profession. His book on Nut Coal was recognized as the Inst word on the subject, and had been crowned by the French Academy of Nuts. “You never go into a cellar!”’ asked Forteecue. “But hang it, man. I don’t see how one can avoid it!” "Well, I do avoid it,” answered Thornton, “at least as far aa T possi bly can. I send down my solderlst, of course, hut personally, unless it Is absolutely necessary, 1 never go down.” ■'Thai's all very well, my dear fel low.” Forteacuei cut in, ' trut you ( know as well as I do that you get ease after case where the cellar di agnosis Is simply vital. I hod a. case last week, a most Interesting thing." —he turned to the group of us as he spoke—“a double lesion of a gas pipe under a cement floor—half a doisen of my colleagues had been absolutely baffled. They had made an entirely false diagnosis, operated on the din ing room floor, which they removed and carried home, and when I was called In thsy had Just obtained per mission from the Stone Masons Pro tective association to knock down one side f the house. After ws had fin ished the whole operation—f forgot to say that we had thrown the coal out on the lawn to avoid any complica tion—the proprietor quite broke down. He offered us to take his whole house and keep it. But. gentlemen. I feel that when Mr. Thornton says that he never goes down into a cellar there must be a story behind it. I think we should invite him to relate it to us.” Case of Great Urgency. A murmur of ament greeted the speaker's suggestion. For myself I was particularly pleased. Inasmuch as I have long felt that Thornton as a raconteur was almost a? interesting us in the rcle of an operating plumb er. "N'ot much of a story, perhaps.” said Thornton, "hut such as it is you are welcome to it. So if you srill just fill up your glasses with rasp berry vinegar, you may have the tale for what it la worth.” We gladly complied witlj the sug gestion and Thornton continued. "It happened a good many years ago at n time when I was only a young fellow fresh from college, very' proud of my Plumb. B.. and inclined to think that I knew it all. I should mention that at this time I waa not married, but had set up a modest apartment of my own with a consult ing room and a single man servant. Naturally I could not afford the serv ices of a solderist or a gussist and did everything for myself, though Sim mons. my man, could at a pinch be utilised to tear down plaster and break furniture.” Thornton paused to take a sip of raspberry vinegar and went on. "Well, then. T had come home par ticularly tired after a long day and T felt, therefore, none too well pleased when a little while after dinner the bell rang and Simmons brought word to the library that there was a client in the consulting room. I reminded the fellow that I could not possibly consider a case at such an advanced hour unless I were paid emergency overtime wages with time and a half during the day of recovery. “Simmons,' to my surprise, told me that he had already Informed the client of this fact, and that the answer had only been a plea that the case was too urgent to admit of delay. He also supplied the further information that the client was a young lady. I am afraid,” added Thornton, looking round his audience with a sympathetic smile, "that Simmons (I had got him from Harvard and he had not yet quite learned his place) even said something about her being strikingly handsome." A general laugh greeted Thornton'? announcement. "After all," said Fortescue. "X never could see why an ice man should be supposed to have a monopoly on gal lantry.” "Oh, I don't know,” said Thornton. ‘ For my part—I say it without affec tation—the moment T am called in professionally, women, as women. 1 cease to exist for me. Beauty tn Distress, j "On entering the consulting room i T saw at once that Hiinmona had exag ; gcrated nothing in describing my client as beautiful. X hate seldom, even among my own class, seen a mere strikingly handsome girl. Pho was dressed in'* very plain and sim ple fashion which showed me at once she belonged merely to the capitalist class. I im, as I think you know, something ef an obaerver, and my eye at cnee noted the abeer.ee "of heavy gold earrings and wrist bangles. The blue feathers at ~lhe aide ef her hat were none of them more than aix Inches long and the buttons on her packet were so inconspicuous that one would hardly notice them. In short, while her dress was no doubt good and serviceable, there waa an absence of chic, a lack of noise about It, that told at once the taie of narrow cir cumstances. She was evidently in great distress. “*Oh. Mr. Thornton.’ she exclaimed advancing towards me. ’do cdne to our house at once. I ailmply don't know what to do.' "She spoke with great emotion and seemed almost on the point of break ing into tears. " 'Pray calm yourself, my dear young lady,’ I said, 'and try to tell me what is the trouble.’ " 'Oh. don't lose any time,' abe said, ‘do come at once.' " 'We will lose no time,’ I said reassuringly, as I looked at my watch. it you will have the goodness first to fetch me a little light ■supper, I shall be glad to see what 1 can do afterwards.’ "My first manner had its effect. With obvious reluctance, the fellow served me some biscuits and some not tad champagne in the dining room. "The girl had meantime disappeared upstairs. "Jf you're ready now,’ said the bishop, ‘come on down.’ “We went down to the cellar. It j was a huge gloomy place, with a ce ment floor, lighted by a dim electric bulb. I could see in the corner the : outline of a large furnace (in those days the poorer classes had still no central heat) and near it a tall boiler. I In front of this a man was kneeling, evidently trving to unscrew a nut, I but twisting it the wrong way. He , was an elderly man with gray mous __ I Simmons brought word to the library that there was a client In the , 'Consulting room." ‘It is now 7:30. We will reckon the time from now, with overtime at time and a half. But if I am to do any thing for you. I must have some idea of what has happened.’ “ ‘The cellar boiler,’ she moaned, clasping her hands together, ‘the cel lar boiler won't work.’ Searching Questions. “ ‘Ah.’ I said soothingly. ’The cel lar boiler won't work.’ “ ’How's your pressure guage?’ I aeked. 'Bo you draw from the mains or are you on the high level reser voir?’ “It had occurred lo me at ©nee that It might be merely a case of stoppage of her main f^ed. complicat ed. perhaps, with a valvular trouble in her exhaust. On the other hand. It was clear enough that If her feed was full and her guages working, her trouble was more likely a leak some wh»re In her piping. “But all attempts to draw from the girl any dear Idea of ihe symptoms were utiai ailing. All she could tell me was that the cellar boiler wouldn't work. Beyond Uiat her answers were mere confusion. I gathered enough, however, to feel sure that the main feed was still working and that her top story’ check valve was probably in order. With that I had to be con tent. “As a y oung practitioner, I l)ad as yet no motor car. Simmons, however, summoned me a taxi, into which I hurriedly placed the glfl and my bas ket of Instruments, and was soon speeding in the direction she indicat ed. It was a dark, lowering night with flecks of rain against the win dows of the cab and there was some thing in the lateness of the hour (it was now after half past eight and the nature of my mission which gate me a stimulating sense of adventure. The girl directed me, as I felt sure she would, towards the capitalist quar ter of the town. “We had soon eped away from the brightly lighted streets and tall apart ment buildings among which my usu al practice lay. and entered the gloomy and dilapidated section of the city where the unhappy capitalist class reside. I need not remind those of you who know it that'it Is scarce ly’ a cheerful place to find oneself In after nightfall. The Inhabitants liv ing. so it is said, on their scanty divi dends and on such part of their In come as our taxation is still unable to reach, are not people that one would care to fall in with after night fall. Rmhop w tin Monkey »remit. “We alighted at one of the most sombre of the houses and our taxi driver, with evident relief, made off in the darkness. “The girl admitted us into a dark hall where she turned on an electric light. ‘We have light,’ she said, with that peculiar touch of pride that one sees so often in her class; 'we have four bulbs.’ "Then she called down a flight of stairs that apparently led to the cel lar. “ 'Father, the plumber has come. Do come up now, dear, and rest.’ "A step sounded on the stairs and there appeared beside us one of the most forbidding looking men that I have ever beheld. 1 don't know wheth er any of you have ever seen an Anglican Bishop. I’robably not. Out side of the bush, they are seldom seen. “Hut at the time of which T speak there were a few still here and there | in the purlieus of the city. The man before us was tall and ferocious and his native ferocity was further en ! b.aneed by the heavy black beard | which tee w ore in open defiance of the compulsory shaving laws. His j black-shaped hat and his black clothes | lent him a singularly sinister appear | ance, while his legs were bound in tight gaiters, as if ready for an In stant spring. He carried In his hand I .in enormous monkey wrench, en which his Angers were clasped la a , restless grip. j " 'Can you A* the accursed thing?' I he asked. I “1 was not accustomed to being spoken to in this way. but I was will ing for the girl’s sake to strain pro fessional courtesy to the limit. '' '1 don t -know,' I answered, ‘but tachee and was dressed In open fleii-1 ance of the law, In a military eoe-1 turn* or uniform. [ “He turned round toward* us and , rose from his knees. '• 'I’m dashed if I can make the rotton thin* go round,’ he said. “ 'It’s all right, general,’ said the bishop, ’I have brought * plumber.’ Professional Dilemma. “For the neit few minute* my pro fessional interest absorbed all my fac ulties. I laid out my instruments upon a board, tapped the boiler with a small hammer, tested the feed tube, and in a few moments had made what I was convinced wae a correct diag nosis of the trouble. "But here I encountered the great-1 est professional dilemma in which I have ever been placed. There wa3 ' nothing wrong with the boiler at all. j It connected, as I ascertained at; once by a thermo dynanvio valvular; test, with the furnace (in fact, I could see it did), and the furnace quite evidently had been allowed to go out. “What was I to do? It was my plain professional duty to take a large ham mer and knock holes in the boiler with it. smash up the furnace pipes, start a leak of gas and then call In three or more of my colleagues. “But somehow T couldn’t And it in my heart to do it. The thought of the girl's appealing face aroee before me. “ How long has this trouble been goln on'.” I asked sternly. '• ‘Quite a time,’ answered the bishop. ’It began, did it not, General, the same day that the confounded fur nace went out? The general here and Admiral Hay and I have been working at it for three days.’ •’ 'Well, gentlemen,’ I said, don't you see that the whole trouble is be cause you let the furnace out. The boiler itself is all right, but you see, gents, it feeds off the furnace.’ “The upshot was that in 20 minutes we had the whole thing put to rights. Trapped! “ 'But now tell me,' said the bishop, 'suppose one wanted to let the fur nace out—suppose, I mean to say, that It was summer time and sup pose one rather felt that one didn’t care about a furnace and yet one wanted one's boiler going for one’s hot water, and that sort of thin*, what would one do?’ “ 'In that case.’ I said, 'you couldn't run your heating off your furnace: “The general shook his head. ‘Btsh op.' tjy said, "just step upstairs a minute; I have an Idea.' " 'Ah, there you pet me rather be jond my depth,' said the bishop. "They went up together, leaving me below. To my surprise and con sternation, as they reached the top of I •he cellar stairs. I iw the general j swing the uoor shut and heard a key of the stairs and tried in vain to open the door. I was trapped. In a moment I realized the folly in trust ing myself In the hands of these peo ple. “I could hear their voices in the hail, apparently in eager discussion. " 'Hut the fellow is priceless,' the general was “aylng. 'TTe could take him round to all the different houses and make him fix them all. Hang it. Bishop, 1 haven't had a decent tap running for two years and Admiral Hay's pantry has been flooded since last March.’ " 'But one couldn’t compel him?’ “ 'Certainly, why not? I’d compel him bally quick with this.' “I couldn’t see what the general referred to. but had no doubt that it was the huge wrench that he still car ried in his hand. “ ‘We could gag the fellow.’ he went on, 'take him from house to i house and make him put ev erything i right.’ " 'Ah, but afterward?’ said the I bishop. ” 'Afterward,' answered the general, knock him on the head and’bury him under the cement in the cellar. Or for that matter I imagine one could easi ly uae the furnace itself to dispose of him.” inamrnMM6 Horror. "I must confess that my blood ran ! cold as 1 listened. *‘ 'But do you think It right?” ob- ; Jected the bishop. ‘You will say. of course, that it Is only killing a plumb er; but yet one asks onself whether It wouldn’t be just a lectle bit unjusti fiable.’ “ ‘Nonsense.’ repeated the general, ‘come along and get llay. He'll make . short work of him.' "I heard their retreating footsteps and then all was still. "The horror which filled my mind aa 1 sat In the half darkness waiting | for their return I cannot describe. My ! fate appeared sealed and 1 gave my-! self up for lost when presently I heard a light step in the hall and the key turned in the lock. "The girl stood In front of me. She was trembling with emotion. “ Quick, quick, Mr. Thornton.’ ehe said. ‘I heard all that they said. Oh, I think it’s dreadful of them, simply dreadful. Mr. Thornton. I’m really ashamed that father should act that way.’ "I came out In the hall still half dazod. *’ 'They’ve gone over to Admiral j Hay’s house; there among the trees. That's their lantern. Please, please, don't lose a minute. Do you mind not having a cab? I think really you’d prefer not to wait. And look, won't you please take this’—she handed me a little packet an she spoke—‘this Is a piece of pie; you always get that, don't you, and there's a bit of cheeee with It, but plea*# run.’ “In another moment I had bounded from the door Into the darkness. A wild rush through the darkened streets and in !0 minutes I was safo back again In my own consulting room." Sequel to the Story. Thornton paused in hie narrative, and at that moment one of the stew ards of the club came and whispered something in his ear. He rose. *T’m sorry,” he said, with a grave face. "I’m called away; a very old client of min*. Valvular trouble of the worst kind. I doubt if I can do any thing, but I must at least go. Please don't let me break up your evening, however.” With a courtly bow he left tta. “And do you know the sequel to Thornton's story?'1 asked Fortescue with a smile. W# looked expectantly at him. "Why, he married the girl,” ex plained Fortescue. "You see he had to go back to her house for his wrench. One always does.” “Of course.” we exclaimed. "In fact, he went three times; and the last time he asked the girl to mar ry him and she said ‘yes.’ He took her out of her surroundings, had her educated at a cooking school, and had her give, lessens on the parlor organ. She's Mrs. Thornton now.” (Copjrisbt. 1123.) Saloon on Wheels. Atlanta, Ga., Feb. 3.—J. G. Pick ett was arrested here charged with, operating an open bar in hie auto mobile in a downtown section. Pickett was arrested by local po lice authorities, who stated that they found a gallon jug of "moonshine” nnd another gallon that had been bot tled. "I saw him making a sale.” atated one of the officers. “He was retail ing the ‘shine’ at 31.50 per pint.” All V ERTISEM EN T. AmiinsBUM. Child's tongue shows if bilious, constipated 1 : MOTHER, CLEAN CHILD’S BOWELS WITH “CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP” —- 1 ' Even Cross, Feverish, Sick Children Love its Taste and it Never Fails to Empty Little Bowels Hurray mother.' A teaspoonful of ' California Vis Syrup” today may prevent a sick child tomorrow. If your < hlld la constipated, bilious, fretful, has eold, colic, or If atomm-h is sour, torjrue coated, breath bad, remember I a coed liver and bowel action ia often all that is necessary. Ask your druggist for genuine "California Fig Syrup.” It never j i ramps or overacts. Full directions for babies and children of ail ages are printed on each boltle. bay j "California” or you may get an uni- i lation tig ayru 9 The Lady, the Taxi Man and the Wet, Wet Water (^•np—ItoufflM afreet bridge. i ha router*—\n eirited l*d>. a hard boiled tail dr|rer. nn irritated tollkeefter, police officer*, rejiorter*, etc. Time—entide ‘a winter. (Taxicab rolls onto Douglas street bridge, its meter clicking merrily. Its only passenger, a Indy, stops to pow der nose nnd twists In seat in effort to survey reflection of self in glass. Driver handles wheel perfunctorily, dreaming of crap game in garage and grieving deeply over $1.75 contributed to tho cause of a scrofulous bunch. There is a sudden rapping on the glass of the cab, the driver turns and the lady speaks.) The lady: Is this the bridge? The driver (muttering to himself): Does it look like the public library? (Aloud.) It is. The lady: Stop the car a moment. (The driver diRgustefllv obeys in structions, grumbling to himself th* your lip, I ran t stand arguments, I they give me a headache. Get down ] offa that rail and get in that cab. I can’t be wasting the entire night around here. The lady, still very dramatic: I tell, you I’m going to end It all. What Is this world but disappointments snd I misery? Stand bark, stand back, I j want to destroy myself. 1T0 emphasize her words, the lady j at tempts a gesture ^nd loses balance. The driver seizes h»'r arm just in time to save her.) The driver: Wha'd I tell you? If T hadn’t been here you'd have flop ped right into that drink and that wa ter’s wet. Wlwidaja think that riv er is, a bathing beaeh? Come on. get down offa. that rail before you slip. (At this point the lady's struggles while.) Steve Brodie's Wife again. These fractious females give me a Vain. Ho. hum. I suppose it’s all in j the day’s work, but 1 never did care . much for work. (As the car stops, the lady steps out 1 and tosses dollar to driver, who es- j amines it critically. The lady starts j toward the railing, lifting skirts dain tily and stepping carefully to one side to avoid small puddle. Driver, slouch ed behind wheel, watches curiously and when convinced of the lady's pur pose frowns with deep annoyance. Bights cigaret while be debates in j own mind w^hat shall be his proced- { ure.l I'd probably be doing the world j a favor if I let her take the long I leap. Still, it would be a dirty trick I to let that hat get ruined, it must have cost all of slugs, and some j poor goof probably got plenty of bad news when that fur coat came home. And then again I never did see any body flop off that rail: maybe it'll gimme a thrill. * Aw, rats. I sup pose her mother'll stand for her if I nobody else will and I better go over ■ and give her a wallop in the Jaw. (Driver twists himself from behind wheel and saunters over toward rail ing.) Hey. you. whadilava trying to do, break your leg? Coins down ofTa that railing before you lose your hal nnee. First thing you know you'll fall in the water and ruin that pretty feather. The Jidy. dramatically: I'm going to end It all. The driver: Nix on that Dearl TVhite stuff with me. kid. T've hecil to the movies myself. Get down offa that rail before I push you in-the river. The lady: Don't you dare touch me, I'm going to kill myself and I won't be pushed. The driver: Don't give me any of . Just Out! Free! Write Today! VAUGHAN’S 1923 Seed Catalog For 46 Ytari the rolioneo of Gard*ntr« In tho Wwt 111 1 --• A Seed Catalog Vnliha Othera! A MAGAZINE of hotne gardening in* i formation ts well as a complete list with pictures, prices and descriptions of everything the up'tO'date home gardener needs or desires. 74 Colored Plates 'THE most complete collection of correct 1 illustrations of annual flowers in true colors eve/ published in ao American seed catalog* Advice by Expert* Planting plans and cultural directions for flower and vegetable gardens, and all the latent aarden n^wa and novelties, flower and vegetable. Vaughan’* Coloaaal Zinnia* If you ha\ e not grow n them you do not know the magnificence to which plant breed ing has raised this flow er. t*cnd 10 cants s to our store nesreat you for a packet of Vaughan's Special Mixture of Colnasal Zinnias and a copy of Vaughan'a Garden ing Illustrated for 1923* or write for the Catalog alone. Mailed FREE. Vaughan's Seed Store low. Randolph St.. CHICAGO Aid EKTIKKMKVr. It’s Neuritis! Not Rheumatism That aharr. stabbing pain in the upper ; arm. about the shoulder blade, in the nane of the neck, along the forearm or dov n the thigh and leg, la often Neuritis --not Rheu matism. If you have severe {frontal headache , with a feeling that something is twitching or puilinr at the eyeballs a dull, aching pain in the back, accompanied hy an oc casional shooting pain in the side- numb ness or tingling in the fingers or “stitches " of pain here and there, the chances are 1 that your trouble is Neuritis. No matter where your pain is located, i ▼ou can get prompt relief without taking bromides, nareotica or other dope. Apply 1 Tyamol over the part that hurts, and yon will he rid of the torture. Tyamol is guar- I sntecd harmless. It helps to rooth and heal J the «ei'{, inflamed ner\ea. Hoo t siffer anv longer. Get a *1 pack- t age of Tyamol Absorbent from Sherman A i lfleC'onneli or anv reliable drugg's* Tyimol Co . Mfg. laaraiaia. 400 luUti , ftU Isa JfiacUig. 1 f begin to interfere with the driver's manipulation of his cigaret and he loses his temper.) The driver: That settle* it, I'm not going to bother with you any more. I'm going to call the police. (Whereupon driver pull* woman from rail and still holding her by the. arm drags her to the tollkeeper’a station.) The driver: rage the cops, here's another nho wanted to get to St. Louis quick. The tollkeepcr. slightly peevish: How about bridge fare" I v* *°ua collect that first. The driver: Kick in with the brtdg* fare, kid, kick in. (The lady pays.) i The driver: Now call the cop*. • An emergent*- siren cuts the an'. Officers with clubs and revolver* drawn and enuirped with grappling hooks, a straightjacket, a pulmotor and sawed off riot guns, leap from th* machine. A battalion of reporter* on their heels. • The driver: Here, grab this wild woman. Sh* almost fell into th* brook. A police officer: What * the mat* ter with herY The driver: Whaddaya think I ant, a mind reader? Maybe she bobbed her hair at the wrong time, or * bow legged, or didn't have a new coat as good as the twist and twirl in th* next flat, or maybe she's lieen eating too many nut sundses. But don't be asking hie. I've got my own trou bles to worry alvout. including on* hog and s.x bits I sunk in the crap game at the garage and 1 gotia be getting back to It. So long, I'm on my wbv, and tell the reporters to be sure and put the lady's pieture In the papers, otherwise her evening will positively be ruined. CURTAIN. Widow Is Denied Final Decree by Judge Denver, Feb. 3. — District Judge Heresy declined to grant a final de cree of divorce to a dead woman here. The deceased, Mr". Cornelia F. Kel logg, was granted a preliminary' *!•* cree shortly before her death last October from Cecil X. Kellogg, ft salesman, believed to be living In Texas. James W. Kelly, attorney for Mrs. Kellogg in the preliminary hearing, asked the court to sign ft final decree in her favor "to clear up formalities in connection with tha case." It is believed the effort to eecura the final decree was made in order to exclude Kellogg as an heir to hi* wife’s property: 390 Murdrrs in Four \ ear«. I.ondon, Feb. 3.—Statistic* ,1use published show' that there have been 330 murders in England during the past four years. Of this total only 14 cases was the murderer not brought to justice. Ninety-three persona wer* convicted of murder and executedi while SS murderers committed suf* cide. Seventy people were convicted of murder, but were proved insane. L & W. Shirts In a Great Bargain Sale There is never a time when men can’t use a few new shirts. The best time to buy them is when the prices are so re duced that purchasing means a substan tial saving in money, or when the lower prices afford shirts of better quality at the price you wish to pay. EARL & WILSON f shirts are the world’s standard of shirt quality. And it is a Pray POLICY to guarantee every shirt for one full year against fading, shrinking and wearing out. This sale therefore offers you the finest shirts at the lowest prices, and we guarantee you SHIRT SATISFAC tion with every purchase for ONE FULL YEAR. Come •••• Buy Now Genuine E. A W. Shirts, 1 CC regular $2.50 values. *.Y*•%}%* Genuine E. A W. Shirts, QC $3.00 and $3.50 values. .^...Y* 3 Genuine E. A W. Shirts, QC values to $5.00. Genuine E. A W. Shirts, v silk and silk and wool, A g values to $12.00.. Other Bargain Events in Our Closing Out Sale ^ We have reduced the prices sharply on nearly every article in our 16th Street Store? Come expecting real bar gains on the things you need. We know that you’ll be more than pleased with' your purchases. PRAY 508*10 South 16th Street THESE PRICES ARE NQT IN EPTECT AT OU* FARNAM STREET STORE
