The Sunday Bee
MAGAZINE SECT I ONI
V()l 52 NO. 16.
OMAHA, SUNDAY MORNING, OGTOHKR 1, 1022.
FIVE CKNTS
A Little Cure for Bachelors
By Hugh Walpole
s
SOMI-5 marring r Inevitable, some arrldi ntul, ami
mi iiiurvi'liiUHly UMf'( iiil that only a mum l sun ly
t-nn have i m 1 Ihi-in. I if HI' h a miracle was
tii.il riugc of James Todliutiu r. N"t mm of IiIk Inum-dl-Hir
circle, small and percipient circle, U limy I said,
und. rt.x-d in ihit ry leust how It hud come about. Here
h wn, tli" ni"t confirmed, the most saturnine, the most
r.' r"l of i'H bachelors, end thne
Jib was, only a iin"iih lrnr. engaged
to u iiK'ity but nil y young woman
and I hen ii ("i 1 1. lulit i.fi.-r tluit mar
led mi. I l"in" tr.
l was not s though u were a
hii ki n, being rnr of age. long.
In.ll . thin, Hint blink In appearum e.
With tti' he.iVHSt of Murk PUIS
tm hrs him! block, beetling eye ,
brow tlu-t would hiivo frightened
must women out nf their seiiss. and
If the blink eyebrow hadn't (limn II
hiM literary reputation ci-rtulnl
would, bcruusc It's im Hi nil for uny
wiiiiiiiii l suppose. Unit It"' author
of hooks wlih "mil title u "The
Kaoterto Tendency Toward Art In
thu lluly I I'l'i ." and "The
M .tti -mil leal I 'i tin - - ' M I.""''
prosody," nml "Aether and Kthrr:
i.r, ius uml 'iiiiiiikim Wense" (ibis
IiihI hiM mily really frivolous mnil,
must lii so deter nml so superior
Unit mundane afulr like dollies
un) twi imrtli'H should never cuter
his head nt (ill.
Thin was well enough fur wntiu n
wlin knew Tndhiuiler only from n
distance, lint It won surprising that
hlH lifelong friend Miillory. also a
conllrnird bachelor, should lie so
diinlv amazed nt till marriage. It
took Miillory oft lux feet nnd laid lilm on hi;
ml iiiiniiod mion liiiil. He was a little,
round, fat man with rosy checks, very t-mpt-ing
to mump upon, und uh h rxplained to
hlH frii'iirt.i in IiIh nithi r hlKh, rxriii'd trclil
"I can't tmiliTHtund It. It inn't an thmiKh uim
had an idi-a In hT hoad. No fine knew littT
than Tiiilliunter the ahHurdily of getting mar
ried. It must I witrheraft." It wan not.
however, witrheraft, and the way that it
happened wan this.
One thlnp that very few people know
about .lanieg Todhnnttr was thut he was ex
ceedingly lonely, and another thing that no
body knew wan that he was exceedingly shy
Every one of hlH friendu and acquaintance!!
would havo roared with laughter had you
npoken of him an a 8hy man, hut, an in no
often the rune, that name brazen exterior
with ItH guperellious glance from beneath the
beetling eyebrow, that rather lazy, drawling
"O, do you think so?" all this that looked
like conceit was In truth timidity. Ho was
a ntiy man becaimc he was a modest man, and
he was u modest man because he knew that
ho had not touched even the fringes of the great subjects
that he was studying. Very few suspected lilm of being a
lonely man, and yet they might have done so had they con
sidered with any real attention the large house looking on
to Kegenls park In which he lived in solitary grandeur with
a butler, a cook, and a maid servant. In whose confines he
occasionally gave dreary little parties and in whose library
lie sat studying hour after hour, absorbed in a way and
yet suddenly starting to consciousness and wishing that ho
had somebody suddenly to c-rrin in nnd nhou nt him or clap
him on the back.
On most afternoons he took his walk in Regents park,
viewing from an apparently supercilious distance the chil
dren playing their games, the lovers exchanging confidences,
the unemployed dinciissing wages In sinister twos and threes,
the animals on the Mnppin terraces looking up to heaven and
wondering when on earth they would taste freedom again.
Supercilious, yes, but only apparently. He would have
loved to collect one or two of the dirty children, to have
given 5, shillings to one of the unemployed. He siched with
a kind of pathetic curiosity as he watched the lovers and
ho looked nt the animals as though they alone of all the
creatures In the pirk had feelings that he himself could
understand.
One fine afternoon in May ho sat down on a seat under
a tree, a long way from anybody, and tried to puzzle out the
intricacies of a chapter of his book "The Lakp Poets nnd
Natural Symbolism" which he was then writing. T.nke Poets
on that lovely May afternoon seemed surprisingly gray and
distant. Wordsworth was n silly old prig, Southey a con
ceited nss, I'olerldge a drug-taking maniac, and Tip Qunlcpy
a spiteful old woman. He hated the lot of them and he looked
at two babies far away on the green grass and cursed him
self for a self-contained idiot liecnuso he had not one or two
of his own whose nose he could blow, whose eyes he could
wipe, and whose- hair he could curl benenth his hand when
ho felt liinelv nnd dispirited. .
It was Just th-n he penvlved, not very far from him,
sprunir nnwirently from nowhere and gnxlng at him with
nervous, eager apprehension, a lltVle d"g. Now lie fancied
that he had no lovo of animals and ho was encouraged In Mils
heli-f .v hi admirable servants, who hated animals In the
tioiisa aed S 'l'l but there wn nomethlng nbmit this llttln
dog h lib h inevjtal'lv attracted ht attention. It was per
h n pupov, but not n verv youn PPpy. nnd one of lis
ImineibatM rhuracterlsllcs was that It was vei V iliineult to he
sur of BiivUiIng nhmil It. Indiscriminate wis It. so long
where It otiirht to hnvw b. en hott,-o Ihlcfc here It should
hive been thin, oni'tilid"ff. Ii.ed, s-i many d srs (n on
dog that It wi Impowill.le to Klv It a real fninllf n.iioe It
tn Hrhn, wew of tlm tflvhm trib than of v other
- tint K it was fcinis s it of terrl.r with rough h ilr that
n.n im hid Intended to l while, th-it was Now her gray
and Ilu r en'trelv t li-'
T tliMit.T cwd.l per Hv tint It w is In state nml
Ium v-.fi.oi. , th tt It 4 111 f, ! and !ht It hid tied to Its
ii'iij','"t i f s'r'eg wt'h a Ho nn s.P'eilng
t'l-r.-oi. fii r tj" ied1 ir.! if It rn 'hi'
rtn w,t C "' 'r
., . sn. fv(lt t,uj4 mi i.t. annr.Kdv mwwil
ilea rn .-vln. t i, !if of -mm ' i 'ii
en Its $i,i tl a it, A .lirui!"! IWUiMt T. d 'g to m-
There Is a Moral to This Diverting
Tale, It In: Beware llow You He
friend a Di g With a Tin Can
Tied to 1 1 is Tail.
IPrrSPk 1
Vim roiililu't help liking some people at first sigh
Ing as plainly as a dog could say, "Please relieve me of this
horrible thing take it and throw it away so that I may
never see It again." At the same time it was also saying,
"Itelleve me of it without coming any closer to mo, because
I trust no man and have the very best reasons in the world
for that misbelief."
It was a pathetic little face that looked at Todhunter, the
more pathetic from the fuc.t that its rather over-large nose
had a big black spot like a penny piece on one nostril which
was ill balanced by another big black spot on the opposite
ear. The noao quivered In the air, the eyes glittered with
unshod tears, the tall with its hideous appendange bumped
up and down with eager anxiety and excitement.
Todhunter looked as he nlways looked, though he had
just come out of a tailor's shop, his black clothes as stiff
and stern as though they were a suit of armor. He was, in
deed, sitting upright on the seat, more like a model from
Madame Tusmud's than anything else you can Imagine.
Nevertheless, within this iron, exterior his heart was soft
and was touched in spite of Itself by the trembling imago
that looked at him with such beseeching eyes, but refused to
move an inch nearer to him. He attempted to lure the dog
toward Uim: he made those absurd noises that human beings
make to animals and babies, a kind of chirrup, a sort of
drunken whistle, a manner of gurgling in the throat. The
dog recognized these advances and banged his tail and the
can with it more vigorously than before, but he refused to
budge an Inch.
"Come, then," said Todhunter, "pretty little dog, come
along, then. I'll take it off for you. Come and let me take
it off."
The dog slobbered a little nt the mouth, but refused to
come an Inch further. Todhunter .got up from his seat, took
a sep forward, and the dog backed away. Irritated and
determined now to achieve his purpose, Todhunter moved
resolutely on, tho dog resolutely back. There then began a
strange sort of game, tho animal moving round in a kind of
circle. The dog's eyes never left Todhunter'a face. They
were nppeallng. miserable, sensitive, starved, longing eyes,
tiut they had not In them an atom of trust In any human
Ulng in this world. Todhunter then had nn inspiration. Ho
went hack to his seat, took off his top hat, and put It down
on tho grass In front of him. This action alone showed what
a long w ay his soul had progressed since he first sighted the
llulo dog, as ho was normally terrified of sitting In the ceii
without any coveriiiT to his head, esrxt lally nn a warm day
like this.
Tht d"g saw the hat, n large and Mm k and strange,
growing npik-treiiily straight out t.f the grass, something that
ha had never seen wf,.i. something poHHibly that was good
to eat. Ills puppy spirit also, long ibfeated and stamped
iip,.n. iievrrtht le fliitillv lii.b structlblw, rixte again within
him. This mirhl b something tii play with a well as nom
thlng to eit. The puppy inp.ct.-d It to liiovo. It did not.
Th !mppv e peeled If tn Snake solo kind of m n-s. It
did The pupne m peeled it to snv'l. That prrhnp It
Old. hut fr-'io the di 't iii'e he ke.-pp e he rould tod b
iupe ii re Ttxie n a smell, t-nt whether It win f th
,iiih or if t' or if -. ii ikm.Hn i lin.il lie nutj
n.'t te sine lli ni'l-.1' t. n Irt get the I tf r of htm.
J r mill n I'nV mru-.-h. ).. Meg n Ktrimre btv-k !"
to H.-ie .., tut when Ii .t;1 n.d rj ly l"r
lilgtieil Ihsn ever. Iln advanced a little, and so eager was
his excitement that he never noticed the rinile of the enu
behind him. lie mlvuiiced clisn-r yet, and then lay down
tint on Ih" ground, his m,s on his front puws, and stared
steiidlly ul the thing, bis appetite rising, his I .ill us erect as
the ran would allow it to be. Hull thu bla k thing did not
reipond. Then he came quite close to It. forgetting In his
eagerness the human Im lug behind It, He put out a paw
and touched It. The em Hire was strange, unlike anything
thut he had ever known before. He gave It a push and It
moved backward, llu bit the edge of It with his teeth and
I the same moment Todhunter caught him by thp scruff
of his bur k and took him on to his knee.
When Mr. Todliunl.-r felt upon his lap the trembling
hody of the dog Some el range thing hapts-m-d to his soul,
liven a the dog whs iiiuh ipating ut every moment some blow
from above, so had he all his life been anticipating, liven as
the dog wriggled under Ids hand, trying to withdraw him
self Into iome dark corner of safe obscurity, so had he
wriggled, so had ho longed for darkness. The wred hed
creature squinted up nt him, showing a large piece of whit
In each eye, then stopped as though It suddenly occurred to
him that thl show of amiability might be dangerous, then
lay quite flut, awkwardly on Tislhunter'a rather bony knees,
sagging through In the space between his legs, hanging on,
as it were, "with nails s t and terror free," to quote n long
forgolten pis-m by Mr. Thomas Campbell.
Todhunter clumsily untied the can and kic ked It Into Um
bo Then he stroked the dog, murmuring to it, trying to re
nsnure it. Gradually it traiiqulllzed, Its heart beating with
less and less fury, nnd even at last It put out Its tongue,
licked Todhunter's linger, and discovering there, I suppose,
the eesonre of a soap new to Its canine experience, began
eagerly to devour, tho w hole hand.
The feel of that rough tongue was something quite new
to Todhunter. Very seldom In his long life had any be
ings, human or otherwise, made to him physical demonstra
tions of affection Put few men had patted him on the
bnek or laid a friendly hand on his shoulder. Women had
kissed him from duty und family cuslom, never because they
thought him kissablo. No one had grasped him by the hand
us though to hurt him. No one, even when a small boy, had
tucked him up In bed and told him not to be afraid of the
dark. He was desperately moved by the dog's advances,
stared out across the grans in front of him, feeling the warm
body beneath his hand and tho little beating h-.-art. realizing
more thnn ever before what Impossible sticks the Lake poets
were, how remote, how absurd, how unworthy to lay toll
upon tho time and intelligence of later generations.
To cut a long s;oiy short, he started homeward with tho
dog creeping at his heels. To an uninitiated obse rver it miift
havo seemed Hint the dog hud but now been severely chas
tised and was crawling miserably behind his severe and In
human master. Indeed, one or two threw indignant" glances
at the tall, black-browed, striding man and wondered how
so large a human being could be cruel to so srtiall a morsel
of a dog, but as a matter of fact It had been this dog's way
. for a long time pust to creep about the earth like the ac
cursed serpent, having discovered that the more he crept,
the less likely he was to be abused, the less likely. In fact, to
be noticed at all, and, although he crept, he was entirely
determined not to desert his new friend.. There was kind-
ness beneath those eyebrows, tenderness in the stroke of
mat hand, and heknew It. Ko into 25 York Terrace h
crawled. Blithered along the patsnge, and obscured
himself as completely as possible beneath the um
brella stand. There tho evil glance of Mordant,
the butler, discovered him. Mordant was like
a butler on the stage, one of those large, stout,
,r butlers with immobile counte
nance, mouth sarcastically but
discreetly shaped, and beautiful
lollies. "Oet out, yer varmint."
murmured toward ' tho utn-
V-
XI.
brella stand, thinking that the
dog had crawled in unnoticed
from the street.
It was ono of the really
awkward moments of Todhuiit-
er'a life. I am afraid that he feared Morduu. 'it's all
right," he said, stammering In spite of himself and strug
gllng to adopt that voico that he used when addressing girls'
colleges and meetings of the Geographical society. ' I brought
him In."
"Ton, sir?" said Mordant, staring.
"Yes, poor little beast. He hasn't had anything to eat for
diya. I found him being tensed by somo hoys, tiivo him
some food and a bath and then bring him up to the library.'
"You're not." said Mordant, "you're not Intending, sir,
ahem, to keep him?"
"I can say nothing about the futuio," suld Todhunter,
very haughtily. "Phase do aa I ask."
He ant up then In his library wondering whether the d"g
were lielng kimlly treated, and waiting, with an Impatieti.
that mirprUed himself, for the animid a arrival. Nearly an
hour later Mordant appeared in the doorway with a white,
shivering object In hi arma. and. most a.itonHhliig of all
thing, a amll on his face.
Ild'a not tad little animal, air," said Moid.int. "Jj.k
better when he's hed. Took to the c.t In a urptlslnf
way," And he put hint down on the floor with greit dignity
aad raiidrsceiislun.
The d' g sink-erred across the polished b".rits of the li
brary floor. Moppleg every tow and agstn to glvei hlm!f
lhaka, aa though he were trying ta drive from Me eyeiein
IM etro.tiMry ra'hla rtperlence that he had Just
threujK Wh he Md e4 hH l..U Ms ho