RED CLOUD, NEBRASKA, CHIEF
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Evening Transcript.
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Mo
Matrimonial Adventures
The Second Coming of
Mrs. Bain's First
Husband
DY
Irvin S. Cobb
Author it "IlncU Unm,"
"Tho Kocni"1 of Mr. Trlnini,"
"IUiurIiIii; II Pol.mo," 'rath
of tlliiry." "Old Judge l'rlcnt."
"Hlililr." "Hie (ilorjr of the
Coming," "Thn Thuntlrrs of Hi
Icnrp," "Thp Aliiinilonril Kur tu
rn., riiK Itrllril llui'iinl."
"J. l'olmlexter, Colored," etc.
Copyright by United Fenture Syndtcato
IRVIN S. COBB
Is thcro nnyunu In tlil country
who Uooo not know the name of
Irvln S. Cobb'.' Or what that name
iitiiTHln for In Amurlciui literature?
Judging from the way Ida hooks
aro lulii'ii from tliu public libraries
and they are too many to ho
numud here I should nay emphati
cally not.
lie has been and dono many
things nuHHa)cr man, war cor
respondent, author, playwright,
etc., etc., there Isn't Hpaeo enough
tn ehroulclu alt thu ground ho has
covered, hut from tho tuno ho first
liwan writing he has been clulmod
by his fellow countrymen In u way
that Keei 1 1. s to innhu him belong to
tils admirers ImllMdiially. The au
thor who toiuhes us humorously al
most never tails to do Just that.
Hut it Is his serious side, that sldo
that Ka us "Tho llolled UuzzarU"
nerles and "Tho Escape of Mr.
Trimm," that lias ndded to his
great quota, of our affections.
In "Tho Second Coming of Mrs.
Rain's l'lrst Husband," written for
tin- Star Author Series of Matri
monial Adventures, we have a story
of marriage of striking originality.
It takes up an old point tho nag
ging wife In an entirely new fash
ion. MANY STEWART CUTTING, Jit,
4
V .. t I t I .t ..,. ..(..t... ,....,......
If only Mrs. Thomas r.aln hnd lieen'
content to compare Mr. Thomas naln
with men about him, he, for counter
arguments, would not have been put
at a serious disadvantage. Out of her
ammunition locker he might have bor
rowed shells to lire In his own defense.
Did the, for Instance, cite the polished
beauty of Mr. So-and-So's drawing-room
behaVlor, speaking with that subtle In
flection which as good as said that his
own society milliners left much to be
desired, Mr. Haiti's rebuttal would have
been prompt and ready. He would
have spoken right up to point out the
fact that So-nitd-So notoriously neglect
ed his family or that he drank entirely
too much for his own good, or that he
habitually failed to pay his Just debts.
Mr. Bain was no scandal-monger, un
derstand. Still a man must fight back
with such weapons ns he may com
mand. Uut Mrs. Haiti's method of nttack
was entirely too subtle for him; It left
lil in practically weaponless. Out In the
world he amply was competent to fend
for himself. Beneath the domestic
roof-tree, where his wife sat In Judg
ment on him, his ways, his small short
comings or his larger faults, he com
pletely was at n loss for proper rebut
tal. It gave him such ti helpless feel
ing! It would have given any normal
mini n helpless feeling. And Mr. Bain
was In all essential regards a normal
man a good citizen, a good provider
and. as husbands go, an average fair
husband.
I would do Mrs. Bain no Injustice.
She was a normal woman, too. But It
Is only natural that when destiny has
fashioned an ndvantnge to fit our hands
that wo .should employ It. Her advan
tage was a very great one. Her criti
cisms of Mr. Bain took the form o.f
measuring him ofT against the conceived
picture of her first husband.
And her Ilrst husband was dead.
Now, la common decency, nn honorable
man and Mr. Bain was an honorable
man may not speak 111 of the dead,
What Is more, had he, under stress of
provocation, been minded to retort that
after all Mrs. Bain's llrst husband was
not exactly perfection either, he could
havo produced no proof to support the
nssertlon. For he had never seen his
predecessor. He knew nobody who
had known the deceased. The present
Mrs. Bain had been for three years a
widow when tlrst he set eyes "on her.
She had lately returned then from
Honolulu; It was In Honolulu that she
had been bereft, as tho saying Is, by
the hand of death. And Honolulu Is it
long distance from Brockway, Mass.,
where Tom Bain's people, a stay-at-home
stock, had lived these five gen
erations past.
So, on those frequently recurring oc
:nslons when Mrs. Bain, with a sad
dened, almost a wistful, air was moved
to remind herself of her llrst husband's
marvelous qualities temperament, dis
position, tact, amiability or what not
there was for her second husband noth
ing to do but to suffer on in an Impo
tent silence. It Is not well that anyone
on this earth and more especially a
husband should bo required to suffer
discomforts in silence. Suffering calls
for vocal expression.
Otherwise, as human beings go, Mr.
and Mrs. Btiln were well suited ono for
tho other. It was that dead tlrst hus
band of hers, who, Invoked by her, kept
rising up to mar tho reasonable happi
ness which might havo been theirs. Tho
thing wus getting on his nerves. In
deed, nt the tlmo this brlofened narra
tive begins, it already had got upon his
nerves. Ho had come to the point
where frequently he wished there had
never been a llrst husband.
There wero oven times when he al
most permitted himself the whh that
thcro nover had been such things as
second husbands, either.
With tho acute vividness of n war
scarred veteran remembering tho first
time ho was shot, he could reconstruct
tho occasion when Mrs. Buln'a former
husband tlrst caino Into his life. They
had been married just two months
then. The honeymoon was In Its last
quarter. If the couple were ever to go
along together in harmony the time
had now come when mutual under
standing must succeed the period of
adjustment nnd balance. She had tho
benellt of experience on her side; for
slip had been through tho process once
before. Tom Bain might lie n green
baud at this business of being married,
but, subconsciously, he was beginning
to adjust himself la his ordained and
proper place In the matrimonial scheme
as it related to him and this very
charming lady. In other words, he had
reached the place where ho was slip
ping out of the bridegroom pose Into
the less studied and more nintter-of-fact
status of a husband, He was
ready to quit acting a part and be ills
own self again always, though with re
gard for the limitations and restric
tions imposed by the new estate upon
which he hud entered.
The campaign against iilm we may
as well call It a campaign opened on
the evening following their return from
the trip to White Sulphur. That tlrst
day at his desk had been a hard one;
so much which seemed to require his
personal attention had accumulated
while he was away. He left the olllce
pretty well tired out. On his way home
lie built up a pleasant vision of a nice
quiet little dinner and then n peaceful
hour or so In the living room In slip
pers and an old smoking Jacket.
Mrs. Batu met htm at the door with n
greeting that put him In thorough good
humor. ThN, he decided, wns tho best
of all possible worlds to live In nnd his,
undoubtedly, was the best of all possi
ble ways of living.
"You're late, denrest," she snld.
"You've Just time to run upstnlrs and
.lip on your evening clothes. I've Inlil
them out for you."
"Why, there's nobody coming In for
dinner, Is there?'' he asked.
S'-e drew away from him slightly.
"No, there' no one coming," she said.
"What difference does that make?"
"Well," ho said, "I'm rather fggged
out, and I sort of thought that, seeing
thero'd he only the two of us, I'd come
to the table Just as I am."
"Very well, dear," she said, "suit
yourself."
But he took note that she had short
ened tho superlative "dearest" to
"dear." Also she slipped herself out
of the circlet of his encircling arm.
Suddenly there was a suggestion n
bare-trace of an autumnal chill In the
air.
But, as a newly married man, how
could he suit himself? He clad himself
In the starchy shirt, the high, tight col
lar that pinched his throat, the plnchy
patent leathers, and all the rest of the
funeral regalia In which civilized man
encases himself on any supposedly fes
tal occasion. She gave hlui an approv
ing look when, ten minutes Inter, he
presented himself before her.
"Tom," she said as they sat down, "I
think you always should dress for din
ner. Arthur always said that a gentle
man should dress for dinner."
He stared at her, puzzled.
"Arthur?" ho echoed. 'Who's Ar
thur?" "My first husbnnd," she explained.
"Arthur looked so well in his evenjng
clothes."
"Oh I" he said, llko that. That was
all he said for a minute or so. He was
thinking.
She was thinking, too. Practlcnlly all
woinen are popularly supposed to havo
Intuition, and certainly this particular
woman had her share of It. Probably
It was in that very moment of rcllec
tlon that the lady decided on a future
plan of action.
At any rate, tills wns the beginning.
Kvcntually, Mr. Bain awoke to a realiza
tion thnt he was the victim of a gentle
tyranny that ho had fallen captive to
u combination enemy made up of an af
fectionate If somewhat masterful lady
and the memory of a (lend nnd gone
personality. Mrs. Bain's first husband
was persistently dogging Mrs. Baln-'s
second husband. Dally, after one fash
ion or another, tho latter was remind
ed of the Into Arthur. Arthur, It
seemed, had never lost his temper.
What mnde the comparison hurt the
more was tho Indubitable fact that Mr.
Bain occasionally did lose his. Arthur
had never raised his voice above the
low-pitched key of Innate refinement
no matter how Irritated ho might he.
Arthur had been so tidy; never left his
clothes lying about where ho dropped
them. Arthur had not given her a cross
word in all tho seven years of their
life together. Arthur Invariably bad
been so considerate of her feelings. It
was Arthur this and It was Arthur
that. She realized her power and she
used It. Mrs. Bain's llrst husband was
over, so to spenk, at the elbow of Mrs.
Bain's second husband, by proxy chid
ing him. admonishing him, correcting
him, scolding him, even.
And for all that he naturnlly was n
sunny-natiired mid companionable per
son, Mrs. Bain's second husband was,
at tho end of the first year of bis mar
ried life, In a fair way to become a
most unhappy person. Their matri
monial craft was sliding down the rap
Ids toward a thundering Niagara; and
she didn't realize it and ho, thorough
ly under the dominion of forces with
which he found himself powerless to
cope, only dimly and dully appreciated
the peril. He wanted, above all things
to havo and to hold his wife until death
did them part. But always there was
Arthur tagging along, making a crowd
of three of whnt otherwise might havo
been a congenial company of two.
But, us some ono has most nptly
suld, it's nlwuys dnrkest Just before
the dawn. In this Instance, though, de
liverance cuino to tho oppressed, not
with the graduations, of the spreading
dawn, but rather with tho solid em
phasis of n bolt froth tho blue. There
hud been an evening of bridge with tho
Tatums and Bain, who plujed well, had
for a partner Mrs. Tatuin, who didn't.
It Is hnrcly possible that he had he
t rayed a passing emotion of tcstlness
once or twice. At midnight, as they
were entering their home, Mrs. Bain
renewed her remarks on n mailer to
which reference already had twice
been made on the way home in the cab.
"My dear," she was saying, "I really
must repeat again that, lo my way of
thinking, no amount of exasperation
could have Justified you In showing
your feelings as you did show them at
least twice at that card table. Now,
Arthur would never"
At this instant Mr. Bain's finger
found tho push-button Just Inside the
Jamb of the living room door and the
lights Hashed on. What next ensued
the vocal part of It, I mean might
have suggested to nn eavesdropper,
laid there been one, that the vowel
sounds In their proper order were be
ing repented by two persons laboring
under strong excitement.
"Kb?" That was his astounded ejacu
lation. "E-oo-o!" A shrill outcry, part
scream, part squeal, from her.
"I I" Mr. Bain again.
")h!" Mrs. Bain's turn.
"You!" Her startled gasp of recogni
tion. "Yes, Evelyn, that's who It Is."
This, In matter-of-fact tones, was a
third voice speaking.
After this for a moment the spell of
n terrific fascination held both Mr. and
Mrs. Bain silent.
Standing In the middle of the floor,
facing them, was a shadow. I use the
word advisedly. With equal propriety
I might write down "apparition" or
"wraith" or "shapo" or "spirit" to de
scribe Hint which confronted them. I
prefer "shadow."
It had the outline, somewhat wavery
and uncertain, of a mnn. It had the
voice of a man a voice calm, assured,
almost casual. It had the garb of n
man. or nt least It had the nebulous
faint suggestion of garbing. But it hud
no substance to It, nono whatsoever.
It had no definable color, either. It
hnd rather the aspect of a figure of
man done In lines of very thin smoke.
You could look right through it and
distinguish, as through a patch of
haze, the pattern of the wall-paper be
hind It. And now, ns It spoke again,
you could, In ome Indefinable sort of
way, see Its voice storting from down
in its chest nnd traveling on up and up
nnd so out of Its lips. It was no more
than a patch of fog, modeled by some
.unearthly magic Into vaporous sein
blnnce of n human form. It was In
conceivable, Impossible, an Incredible
figment of the Imagination, and yet
there It was.
Its second speech was addressed to
Mr. Bain, who had frozen where he
wns, his finger still touching tho push
button, his eyes enlarged to twice their
size nnd his lower jaw sagged.
"You are astonished? Permit me to
Introduce myself. I am Arthur Mrs.
Bain's first husbnnd. I am glnd to meet
you."
Mr. Bain, under this shock, came to
himself. The shackles of twelve months
of bottled-In restraint fell from him
"Aro you?" he nnswercd. "Well, I'm
d d If I'm glad to meet you."
"I understand." The voice wns gen
tle, nlmost compassionate. "You will
bo glad later on, I think very glnd.
Shall we sit down all of us?"
The Thing took a chair. And the
back of tho chair cloudily revealed' It
self as n sub-motif for the half-mn-terlallzed
torso of Its occupant. Me
chanically, moving Jerkily, Mr. Bain
followed suit; he likewise took n chair.
Mrs. BiiJil. utterjiijj limited whimpering
pounds' down In her 'throiiT, already
had fallen upon a couch and was hud
dled there. It was just as well the
couch hnd been handily near by, for
her legs would no longer support her.
Her first husband we may ns well
call him that turned to her.
"Control yourself, Evelyn," lie bade
her. "There is no occasion for any ex
citement. Besides, those curious
sounds which you are now emitting
nnnoy me. I haven't long to stay and I
have much to say."
Ho clenred Ills throat the process
might be followed with the eye ns well
as by ear and proceeded.
"I have been endeavoring for months
past to bring about this meeting. In
fact, ever since shortly after your sec
ond mnrrlage to this gentleman, I have
striven to return to earth for the one
purpose which brings me tonight. But
It wns difficult very dllllcult." He
sighed n visible sigh. "It Is not per
mitted that I should explain the nature
of the obstacles. I merely state Hint
they were very great. As you will no
tice, I am not able even yet to attain
the seeming solidity weight and
specific density which I craved to
take on. So I Just came along In the
somewhat sketchy and Incomplete
guise In which you now see me.
"My reason for coining Is simple. I
desire to see justice done. Where I
wns, I could not rest In pence knowing
that you, Evelyn, wore lying so out
rageously and, what was worse, mak
ing mo an unwitting accomplice, ns It
were, to your lying campaign.
"Evelyn, you have been n foolish,
wicked woman. You have done this
gentleman hero" Including Mr. Bain,
with n wave of n spectral arm "a
cruel wrong. But whut, from my point
of vlow Is even worse, you have dono
mo a grave wrong as well. I may be
only u memory I may say that, pre
cisely, Is what I am but even a mem
ory has Its feelings, Its sense of re
sponsibility, Its obligations to Itself.
"Very well, having mnde thnt point
clear, I shall proceed: Sir, for nearly
ft year pnst you hnve been Intimidated
by Uic constantly presented Imago of
a fabulous creature. Your peace of
mind lias been seriously affected, He-J
foro your eyes I havo been held up as
n pnrngon I. And I resent the slan
der on my name. It has been nn In
sult which no self-respecting memory
should bo compelled to stand. Sir, I
wish you to know the truth. I was
not a paragon, and I thank God for It.
I was not die perfect husband this
woman would have you believe. -I was
fussy, faulty, crochety and I am
proud of It."
"Oh, Arthur I" Mrs. Bain, under nt
tack, was reviving, was rallying to her
own defense ns powers of coherent
speech returned to her.
"Don't 'Oh, Arthur' me," ho snapped,
"hut listen: And you, too, sir, If you
will be so good. We quarreled fre
quently In those years of our married
life. She complained of my brusque
ways, of my fits of Irritability, of my
refusal to like many of the people that
she persisted in liking, of my tastes
ami my habits and Inclinations. She
didn't care for some of my friends; I
didn't care for some of hers. I object
ed to any number of things about her
and rarely refrained from saying so.
She has told you that between us there
was never a cross word. Hah I There
were tens of thousands of cross words.
When we got on each other's nerves,
which was often, neither of us hesi
tated to let It be known. When we dis
agreed over something or anything
we argued It out. We loved each other,
but merely loving did not make either
of us angelic. We quarreled and made
up and quarreled some more. We fell
out and we fell back together again.
There were times when we wero like n
pair of cooing doves and again there
were times when the proverbial
monkey and parrot had little If any
thing on us. In short, and in fine, sir,
we behaved Just as the average rea
sonably well-mated married couples do
behave. And for my own sake, and In
cidentally for yours, sir, I would not
have you believe differently.
"Thnt, I believe, is practically all I
had to say to you. Having said It, I
wish to add a final word to our wife,
hero. Evelyn, speaking with such au
thority as Is befitting a first husbnnd,
I wish to state that, so fur as my ob
servations from another sphere have
gone, your present husband Is a first
rate fellow. I like to think of him ns
my successor. And I Intend to see
that he has n fair deal from you. I
trust this visit from me has been n
lesson to you. Hereafter, In your deal
ings with him you will please he so
good as to stand on your own merits.
You will kindly refrain from drugging
me Into your arguments as an advocate
on your side. My stock of patience Is
no greater than It was before I be
came a memory remember that. I
sincerely trust It will not be necessary
for me to ndnionlsh you personally n
second time. Because I wnrn you here
and now that next time I shall return
under circumstances that will bo most
embnrrasslng to you. Next time there
will be no privacy about my appear
ance; I shall come to you In public.
You'll be a talked-iibout woman, Eve
lyn. There'll be pieces about you In
the paper and spiritualists and trance
mediums and delvers Into the occult
a meddlesome, noisy lot, too, I may add
will make your life a bin den for you.
So have a care. Eevlyn I
"Sir, to you I extend my best wishes.
I'm sorry we didn't meet before. But,
some of these days we'll vnake up for
lost time when you Join mo on the
plane where I am at present residing.
Well, I guess Hint will be about nil.
. . . ph. If you don't mind, 111 Just dls
slpaio Into air and limit up the chim
ney It's more convenient." Out of n
nothingness near the fireplace came n
voice, growing thinner nnd fainter:
"Good-hy, Bain, old chap. Good-hy,
Evelyn and don't forget.1'
It was at this Juncture that Mrs.
Bain went off Into a swoon. It also
should be noted that, even ns he sprang
to her side to revive her, Mr. Bnln
wore on his face a look of husbandly
solicitude and concern, but his feet
twittered a dance measure.
Personally, I do not believe In ghosts.
I assume, readers, that you do not be
lieve In ghosts, either. But Mrs. Bnln
does, and as for Mr. Bain, he does, too,
firmly and, us n happily married man,
he Is every day renewing and strength
ening his belief In them.
"Retirement."
A tired feeling has evidently turned
the thoughts of several of our readers
toward pensions and retirement.
They will feel better when they have
had a holiday 1
Until then, we venture to remind
them of the dire effects that frequent
ly result from giving up wont.
Work Is the most deep-rooted of
habits with those who have been en
gaged In It till past middle age. Sud
denly to renounce It Isn't safe. Wo
can recall edifying if unverified
tales about those rich men who retired
and died at once; or else came bnck
and asked to be made olllce boys, In
order that they might lie snved from
boredom.
You don't believe these stories?
Then you reject our proffered consola
tion. You will have to fall back on
the far hope of an old-age pension,
perhaps, big enough In these days 1
nourish an undersized spnrrosv. Lon.
don Mirror.
Courtship.
They met at tho winter colony Ii.
Citllfomln.
"Will you glvo mo n kiss here In the
daisy field?" ho asked.
But she was coy.
"Why not?" ho urged. "Daisies don't
tell."
"All tight," said tho girl, "but lot's
got away from tills babbling brook."
Louisville Courier-Journul.
John W. McLaln
How to Gain Strength
and Endurance
Milwaukee, Wis "For the last
twenty vcara I have used Dr. Pierce's
Golden Nledicnl Discovery at times, 33
n general tonic with excellent results.
One bottle in the spring, and one in the
fall, is usually sufficient. It gives ma
ndded strength and endurance and
greatly aids me in following my stren
uous occupation. I have also found Dr.
Pierce's Pleasant Pellets very beneficial
and mild in action.
."I have been thru Dr. Pierce's In
valids' Hotel nnd Surgical Institute at
BufTalo, N. Y., nnd have fount! every
thing just ns represented." John W.
McLain, 188 Wisconsin St.
Get the "Discovery" in tablets or
liquid nnd you'll be surprised at the
way you'll pick up.
Write Dr. Picrcc'o Invalids Hotel
In BufTalo, N. Y.. for free confidential
medical advlco. Send 10 cents if you
deslro a trial pkg. of tho tablets.
ri
ppe
Physicians ndviso keeping
tho bowels open as a safe
guard against Grippo or
Influenza.
When you are constipated,
not cnougli or JVnturo'd
lubricating liquid is pro
duced in tho bowel to keep
tho food waste, soft and
moving. Doctors prcscribo
Nujol because it nets like
this natural lubricant nnd
thus secures" regular bowel
movements by Nature's own
mtiiiuu--muricuuun. 1 1
"!" luuricnni not n
mrdlclne or lnxnilv ...
cannot gripe. Try It todnr.
A LUBRICANT-NOTA LAXATIVE
Shave With
Cuticura Soap
The New Way
Without Mug
PARKER'S
HAIR BALSAM
IU-moMlanaruB-KtnpilllrFlllnji
Itettnret Color and I
Beauty to Cray ami Faded Halrl
tw. ana unu lruci:i!.
nucoi Chrm. WlnLl'aU-lin.ul,H.T
HINDERCORNS ntnum cm, ci-
louse, no., trip, all 11 n, miurr. comfort to tti
Irot. mli wnlklnir r.rr. 1!. l.y mull or at Drue
(lata, llltcoiCliemlcal WorLi, l'ntclK,irue,N. Y.
lCURESC0LDSh24H0UR5,
.uuiunosV
rOJRE5 LAGRIPPE'3QAY5
n
rDTR01C WH'MIIJLCO. MICHIGAN
That One Word.
"A woman Is always wanting to do
something."
"Else." American Legion Weekly.
4l
Snowy linens are the pride of every
housewife. Keep them In thnt condi
tion by using Ited Cross Ball Blue In
your laundry. At all grocers. Adver
tisement. Lots of things oven the gosslij.
never hears of until tho explosion
ramc"
Sure Relief
FOR INDIGESTION
6 Bell-ans
Hpt water
Sure Relief
ELLANS
254 AND 75 PACKAGES EVERYWHERE
fnexper?enced.
Hub Do you care for rlsquo Jokes?
Pub No; I never rend the college
periodicals.
FOR OVER 40 YEARS
HAUL'S CATARRH MEDICINE lias
boon uhoiI successfully In tho treatment
o Catarrh.
HALL'S CATARRH MEDICINE con
sists of nn Ointment which Quickly
Rellevca by local application, and thn
Internal Medicine, a Tonic, which nctu
through tho Blood on tho Mucous Sur
faces, thus reducing; tho lnflnmmatlon.
Bold by all druggists.
P. J. Cheney & Co., Toledo, Ohio.
When nn Oriental woman does
"fancy work" It Is u rug that will sell
at u high price.
V&YMIDINP lV'dbt and Morning".
"IJJII!? Hav Strong. Healthy
iKSS, . H they Tire, Itch,
"on G1 Smart or Burn, if Sore,
Vw., TiricC Irritated, Inflamed or
TOUR LYtJ Granulated, use Murine
often. Soothast Refreshes. Safe for
fnf ant or Adult At nil Druggists. Write for
Vec Eye Book. Hartnt Ey Kcmedr C., CUajf
KfTT "H