RED OLOUD, NEBRASKA, CHIEF
aWoiYterfiil
Grabbervheim
I'M DISGUSTED with the world
this morning. It's 'ce old mud
bnll, but It needs to bo koroscnetl.
It bus become badly Infested with
men. I'm one of them, not much worse
Uinn tho rest pretty ordlnurlly de
cent, in fnct mid wlmt did I do thin
morning? In rushes Mangier, whom
I hnven't seen for Ilvo years. Ho was
ono of my most loyal followers in col
legevoted for me for president of tho
freshmen class, got nine bush club
votes for mo for treasurer of the uth
Ictlc association, and wanted to send
me to congress. He admired me, Man
gier did. He was always following mo
around, wanting to do things for inc.
And yesterday be rushed in with his
hands out and I grabbed them and
yelled, "Suffering cats, who left tho
barn-door open?" and "Hello, you goggle-eyed
pirate," nnd other pet names,
and was as glad to see him us if he
hud hud cholera ; because there was a
directors' meeting in seven minutes
nnd I had a luncheon date witli a big
customer and four days' work to pack
Into the afternoon, and my wlfo had
at last made mo promise by the holes
In Olo Skjarssen's sweater my most
sacred oath to harness up that eve
ning and go over to the Van Bumptl
ouses for dinner.
Why couldn't he have come any oth
er day In the year? Hut ho couldn't,
nnd ho was going out that evening and
was never coming back, as far as he
knew, and whllo I gabbled along fever
ishly and tried to tell him what a na
tional calamity it was that everything
had stacked up that day and couldn't
he stny over and wouldn't he havo Ave
clgnrs anyway and smoke them ult ut
ouce, nnd, by Jove, that directors' meet
ing was due nnd could he drop around
for half an hour from -1:.12 to r:012
while I was spilling all this old Man
gier kept getting quieter and quieter
nnd more uneasy and lonely around
tho eyes. He was perfectly polite and
pleasant, but lie didn't come buck in
'tho afternoon and I know what ho
thinks of me. Thank heaven, he's not
as imaginative as I am. He doesn't
think half us badly of me as I do of
myself.
G'r'rl This duy tastes like nsii
fctlda. We'ro all miserable, ungrate
ful inollusks. Man Is made of forget
fulness, with a llltl hide stretched
uround it. Why, even buck at school,
when wo manufactured a man once
nnd he rose to fame and became the
leading scholar of the college, what
did he do? Just what any real man
would havo done. Ho forgot us. He
threw us down. He pretty near ruined
us. He was our greatest calamity. Wo
didn't uso any ungratefulness when we
made him, but he had a streak of it In
blm as broad us a boulevard.
Grubbenhclm his name was, curse
1dm. We didn't Intend to inako him.
It was Just another of thoso fool, care
less Ideas which get into college boys'
heads and grow like n fungus. Grub
benhclm was n joke to begin with.
Most all the roads to the gallows be
gin with a joke. Hut he shouldn't have
been ungrateful for all that. Lord,
what we did for that man I
Allle Ilungs Invented Grubbenhclm.
But it wasn't his fault. Ho didn't
mean anything by it. Ho couldn't pos
sibly have foreseen that the fellow
would grow up and shame us. It was
Just u thoughtless pleco of deviltry, and
if Professor Wogg,"our nmthonmtlcs
professor, hadn't been so near-sighted
and generally oblivious to life and Its
llttlo unimportant detnlls, nothing
would have come of it. Alllo just did
it to nmuse the class anyway. And
goodness knows wo needed amusement
in Wogg's class.
It was in our sophomore year and
twelve of us were preparing to wade
through calculus under Wogg. Wo
didn't take calculus beeauso we loved
It. Wo laid no more use for It than
it had for us. Tho class was a sort of
little back-water eddy into which most
of us hud drifted through conlllcts in
our class schedules.
Itememberlng names and faces was
Wogg's greatest trial. No, that is a
mistake. He didn't try at all. Ho'd
given up long ago. He was so near
sighted that lie could hardly see to put
on his glasses, and all students looked
alike to him. When he innilo up bis
roll In the fall he would ask for all
tho A's and then all the It's and take
our names alphabetically. Then he
would cull on us from his roll book,
and the mun who was reciting meant
no more to him than a dim, misty shape
with a name to It any old name. And
if he got a good mark opposite tho
wrong name or a think opposite the
star scholar's name, that was all "rub
of the green," as wo say now.
On the first day of the winter semes
ter that year Wogg mndu us up Into a
roll and when ho had finished he peered
out through those bull's-eye glasses of
his and asked: "Have I overlooked any
ono?" And quick as a flash Alllo Bungs
answered: "Mr. Grnbbenhelm." Some
of us laughed nt the Joke, but tho pro
fessor didn't catch it, and ho marked
down "Mr. Grnbbenhelm" with great
care nfter asking Alllo how be spelled
it nnd pretty nearly flooring him.
Wo didn't think any more of it. It
was only u minor Incident in a class
where whist parties were a regular
diversion In tho back row. Hut two
dnys later Professor Wogg paralyzed
us by asking Mr. Grnbbenhelm to put
tho thirteenth problem on the board
for the benefit of the class. It was n
great Joke and Allle was about to ex
plain that Mr. Grabbenhehn hnd been
called to Turkey In Asia by tho death
of this family when King ltearlck sol
emnly got up and put the problem on
the board.
This was very funny nnd we hurt
ourselves choking down our amuse
ment whllo Keg. explained the work
and the professor said: "Very good,
Indeed, Mr. Grubbenhclm." After class
we had u lot of fun over It, and two
days later, when Grnbbenhclm's name
was called again, one of the boys who
wus up on that part of the lesson re
cited without u break. Grabbcnhelm
was making a great record In calculus.
After cluss we held u little meeting
and decided that with such prospects
Grabbcnhelm ought to live. It would
be a shame to cut him down at tho
beginning of so brilliant a career. He
sides, It wouldn't bo a bud plan to have
a scholar in tho class. So we decided
that whoever knew the part of the les
son which was assigned to Grabbcnhelm
was to recite It, and Grubby started
out on his dazzling course.
In a month Grubbenhclm was the
sensation of tho class. He had never
fallen down on u recitation. This was
only natural, since anyone of us who
knew tho problem would get up and re
cite for him. 11 was pretty hard on
our two or three good scholars, because
they had to watch out for Grnbben
helm and their own marks, too, and it
kept them on edge all the time. More
over, every time a man recited for
Grabbenhehn he had to Hunk for him
self, for fear Professor Wogg would
suddenly return to earth and wonder
how two men could occupy the same
chair nt the sumo time. Hut we point
ed out to them that the honor of the
class was at stake. We had a star In
Grahhcnheltu and It would never do to
desert blm. They were loyal boys and
hud big hearts nnd they saw the point
all but Slinpklns. Everything would
huve been easy if Slmpklus hadn't got
ten Jealous.
I never snw such n fellow us Simp
kins, anyway. He was always kicking
and objecting. There was no class
spirit in him at all. He thought exclu
sively of himself. When the marks
came out at the end of the second
month Grabbcnhelm led the class by
an enormous plurality, nnd what did
Slmpklus do but up nnd Insurge. Ho
hnd always been n good scholar and ho
couldn't bear to see anyone beat him.
He declined to recite for Grabbcnhelm
any longer. More than that, he threat
ened to expose him.
Think of having to worry along In
college with uu ingrowing disposition
like that. Wo were furious. We met
Slinpklns casually nfter literary so
ciety meeting und took him out to n
clay quarry half full of the dampest
wuter you ever saw. There we talked
to him like brothers. We pled with
him not to risk his noble young life
by contracting pneumonia from getting
sonked In that water. And we pointed
out Just how this was certain to occur
accidentally If he exposed Grabbcn
helm. That settled the exposure busi
nessboth kinds of exposures; but
from that time Slmpklus was n mortal
enemy of Grabbenhelin's. Twice lie
got up to recite for Grnbbenhelm and
fulled miserably. Wo had to tnko him
out to the quarry again and plead with
him some more.
When tho marks were announced
Grubbenhclm stood higher than any
man had ever stood in calculus before,
and Simp was u very poor second. This
pleased us so much that wo decided
to enlarge Grabby's sphere of action
ami let him see a llttlo real college
life. Sooner or later the faculty would
begin to notice him nnd It would be all
off, of course. Hut while Grubby lived
wo meant to havo blm enjoy himself.
Wo were going to give the poor chap
every chance to rise, and If that chump
Slinpklns stubbed blm In the back bo
would have to answer to us, that was
all. No homeless, pnrcntless stranger
was going to get tho worst of It whllo
we wore allvo to defend him. The rest
of the class swore as one man to cher
ish Grnbbenhelm nnd see him through
tho semester.
It wnB bard work, because we all
had to dig In and get soma slight,
murky Inkling of whnt calculus was
about in order to protect Grabby's rec
ord. Hut wo didn't flinch.
Wo got so ambitious for Grnbby tbnt
wo entered him at tho registrar's ofllco
In English lit nnd Latin prose com
position. Not that we expected hlin to
do nnvHii'tf with those studies. ' la
fact, ho Ignored the clnsses altogether
and began to get faculty notices for
cuts. Hut we didn't enrn about that.
In fnct, It pleased us, because ut tho
end of the term the faculty would hnvo
before It tho tnsk of firing tho best
mathematics seholnr who ever came to
Slwash because lie had flunked In two
other studies, und it wnrmed our hearts
to think of the trouble It would have
deciding the puzzle particularly if It
tried to talk things over with Grab
bcnhelm personally.
In the spring we began Introducing
Grabbcnhelm to the campus. ltearlck
wrote n few verses In his very best
vein and sent them Into the college pa
per under Grabbenhelin's name. We
got the athletic association's president
to appoint blm on u couple of commit
tees. We fed tho college reporters
1 for the weekly with personnls about
Grabhcnhelm until the sheet was sat
urated with him. He had gone home
to Chicago to see his sick mother. He
was absent in Omaha considering a
flno position which had Just been of
fered him. He was attending a confer
ence nt Kiowa. People began to ask
who this Grabbcnhelm chap was. Hut
nobody seemed to know. Most of us
thought ho was u Junior, but we hadn't
met him. Ho was very exclusive, we
bad heard he had n title over In Rus
sin nnd had come uwny to avoid the
nihilists or something of the sort. Pity
he didn't mix more with the fellows.
About April we didn't have time to
do much of nnythlng besides arrang
ing Grabby's career. He got busier
and busier. Hangs cribbed an arti
cle on Ilusslan social conditions from
somewhere nnd entered It in the sopho
more essay competition. It wns so
good tbnt the faculty held meetings
about It and tried to find Grubby In
order to encourage blm.
Still we weren't satisfied. Every
night some of us met to discuss Grnbby
and improve him nnd hnug some new
nnd startling ornnment on bis record
or disposition. Once wo almost made
blm over altogether Into u German of
ficer In exile for fighting a duel.
Pierce fought hnrd for It, but wo voted
him down. But wo did consent to run
him for ofllco. This was another pet
dream of Pierce's. He declined to
be happy until Grnbbenhelm had been
elected to some college ofllco and bud
KEG REARICK KICKED THE DOOR
ALL SUCH MILD DIVERSIONS
had an affair with u girl. Working
up a love affair for u man who ex
isted only In the disordered brains of
u few disorderly sophomores was too
much of u Job for us. Hut we thought
we could manage the election, nnd so
wo finally picked out a place on the ex
ecutive committee of the spring ath
letic dance nnd put Grabbcnhelm up
for it.
Pierce pulled It off in flno shnpo at
the class meeting. Ho rose, he ex
plained, to do a peculiar thing.' He
wanted to nominate n man whom most
of the clnss had never seen the best
inathemntlclan who had ever come to
Slwash a man of noblo und distin
guished bearing a future king of nth
letes and n defender of tho old school
on many a field but u man so shy and
reserved tbnt It had .seemed Impossi
ble to drag him out Into college life,
lie wns about to nominate Aloyslus
Grnbbenhelm ("Sergius, you fool,"
Hnngs whispered frantically) as n
member of tho committee for the
sophomore class. The honor might
encourage him to mingle. Though ho
would probably decline, it would show
him that Slwash hearts beat warmly
for blm, etc. gurgle, .gurgle, gush.
Plcrco was a great little Jam-spreader,
and the clnss ate It all up. It elected
Grnbbenhelm, though Simpklns made n
frnntlc speech against honoring an un
known, who didn't hnvo interest
enough to get acquainted uround the
campus. Slinpklns almost burst over
tho performance, ln.it ho was kind. Oh,
how kind Slinpklns was. He held
Grahbenhelm's fate in the hollow of his
hand. At any minute he might have
exposed him and annihilated him, hut
did ho do it? No, Indeed. Slinpklns
was a renl man ho refrained. Tho
water in that clny quarry was awfully
cold. that spring.
Grabby's election produced u tre
mendous sensation nround college
Tho whole school resolved itself into
n committee to find him and drag blm
triumphantly forth. And wo 12 pur-
imim mm WHI L.J-' infrnii-mw,!iii! hi wivmhiim ; iiomuir m,n uu mji iifirmnii iim -fiiii iat-
rm iMMwscLim mmm, u iymlm ; im i ro m mm k9mu
pgsg I WMmM Mil 11 1 1
ivv -
ents of his resolved ourselves Into nn
equally determined committee to pro
tect him from the rude public und keep
his privacy snered. For a day we suc
ceeded. Then the chase got too hot.
When the calculus class convened It
had seven visitors from other clnsses
and Pierce bail to get up when Grubby
was called upon und explain that ho
had been summoned to Chicago on uu
Important mission connected with his
country.
In the meantime the one question nn
tho campus wns: Would Mr. Grnb
benhelm accept? Would ho conde
scend to become acquainted? Hangs
hud taken the Job of retailing the ru
mors concerning GrabbcnhcIm'H wealth
and refinement. He hud u good lmug
nation und lie worked it to the limit.
Hy Friday of that week Grubby had
become n grand duke In disguise, and
when n letter from Chicago with u
Ilusslan crest on It reached the class
president, twenty trembling bunds
helped him open it ut the bulletin
board, whero it had been posted.
Wo had wired Snoddy Smith of last
year's class, who was tolling upward
in Chicago at that time, to put us up
it nice letter. Cost us $1.07 to explain
It to him at night rates. Snoddy cer
tainly did well. Don't know whero he
dug ui the letter paper, but it was
paralyzing. Plain, you know, but oh,
so retlued. Mr. Grubbenhclm from the
bottom of his heart thanked his class
mates, whom he hoped some day to
know, for the honor conferred upon
him. (Did he presume In believing the
collego paper which ho had Just read
before his departure?). Mr. Grabbeu-
helm wished that lie might accept, hut
ah. dear friends, your strange cus
toms, your strange but delightful cus
toms he could not hope to get help
here tho president stopped and looked
at the letter for a long time, while wo
cursed Snoddy under our breaths nnd
swore that If he queered the game by
his foolishness we'd get revenge if It
look u lifetime to get help to social
usages ut that dear old Slwash college.
How could he accept, knowing so little?
Ah, no, dear friends, lint u lifetime of
gratitude. As we say In Russia
Then followed u row of Juckstonos
and some splashes which looked so
Russian that even I got u little bit
dizzy. Snoddy wns certainly rising to
S
IN PRESENTLY. KEG WAS PA8T
AS DINING ON ANYTHING.
tho occasion. But, tho letter went on,
Mr. Grnbbenhelm, who has not thus
fur claimed tho delight of knowing
personally his comrades in tho pursuit
of all wisdom, would count It a privi
lege and un honor to attend the ball
There was more, but tbnt was
enough. All present Immediately gnvo
threo cheers. Grnbbenhelm, the mys
tery, wns nbout to emerge. We, the
sophomore,- would spring blm on a
dnzzlcd college. We, the sophomores,
wore the people by a terrific majority,
und who dared deny It?
Grubbenhelm was tho only subject
of conversation for the next few days.
Everybody knew nil about him now.
Ho was enrolled In lit und Latin com
position, but never nttended.- Mathe
matics seemed to bo his only interest.
Ho wns said to bo wonderful In cal
culus. What did ho look like? Wo an
swered u thousand questions that
week that Is, wo side-stepped them.
Ho wns nil very' well, Vo explnlned,
too quiet, but oh, so you know. Wait
until the nthletlc dance. And nienn
tlme the sale of tickets soared nnd
soared. Grabby wns again performing
n great collego service. Ho was break
ing tho record for receipts, nnd, good
ness knows, tho baseball team needed
the money.
About that time nnothcr letter enmo
from Smith. It didn't como to us, but
to Miss Andrews of the senior class,
nnd ten minutes nfter she opened it
tho whole school krfew nbout it. Count
Grnbbenhelm' hud asked her for the
honor of a dance. We saw through
It In a minute. Snoddy wns getting
n llttlo service out of Grabby himself.
no nnd Miss Andrews were engaged
and ho was simply heaping a llttlo
honor on her in his usually reckless
nnd Impudent way. Oh, well, wo
owed something to hlin, anyway. Ho
hnd helped us out nobly.
I am not entirely sure of what hap
pened next, because Just then things
seemed to go nround and around for
several days. I had asked Miss Wll-
nil r v -ftk. as- :jK-'-n- i
loughby, n perfectly beautiful two
stepper from Kansas City, to g"o with
mo to the dance, and she had consent
ed. Four dnys before It emtio off she
wrote nnd begged to be excused. She
hardly know, silo said, how to explain
except thnt-shc had had n previous en
gagement, and that she had supposed
It broken und that she had found It
wasn't, und she knew I would under
stand, ntiil wouldn't I be nice about
taking u lot of dances, nnd she wanted
mo to be nice to her escort, who wns
it stranger In the clnss In fnct, It was
Count Grubbenhclm.
When I came to later I was gnaw
ing contentedly ut fragments of the
furniture. Never hnd I been so mad.
I hud eaten quite n meal of raw chair
legs before I wns culm enough to rush
off to Pierce for comfort. But Pierce
was madder than I. Furniture did not
satisfy his feelings. Ho was chewing
tho radiator. My affair with Miss Wll
lougbby wns Just a mild llttlo thing of
u month's slundlng, und I really had
her successor In mind, but old Noddy
had been clean nnd everlastingly gone
to smash on Helena Toothhy, the
queen of our class und Helena had
Just turned him down nnd broken her
engagement beenuse an old friend
who hud no iicquiilntance in the col
lege hnd thrown himself on her mercy
and she felt It her duty to go with
him to the dnnce.
Noddy und 1 leaned on each other
for n while und fought for language
but not for long. Keg. Rearlck kicked
the door In presently. Keg. was past
all such mild diversions us dining on
nnythlng. He wns nbout to dissolve
Into high explosives. Amy Lundevlllo
had been tossing him up playfully and
catphlng him us ho came down for
some months and had consented to go
to the ball with him ns u great favor.
Keg. was entirely devastated nbout hcH
terrible case nnd she hnd just writ
ten, breaking her engagement for the
party In great Indignation because
she had passed blm flint day nnd ho
had been too busy looking tho other
way to notice her.
We three threw water on each other
nnd put two nnd two together thank
heaven, this was no calculus problem.
And then wo went to telegraph Snod
dy, promising blm Instunt death nt the
earliest possible moment. But on the
way we met Willis nnd Etherlnn, nnd
when we saw their wild look we seized
their hands nnd nsked: "Brothers,
i did you get It, too?" They said they
had. So w made up n Roman mob
and charged the telegraph ofllco, where
wo composed a message which had to
be revised four times before the oper
ator would take It. We didn't do tho
subject Justice then, but oiir money
gave out. So we sent It on to that
skulking cnwnrd In Chicago who had
taken our own child und had ruined
us with hlin, und went home to dine
on more furniture.
I got n reply In the morning. It wns
short but fairly explicit. It read: "I
see you're crazy, but explain further.
Never wrote said girls. Someone else
Is using your Grabbenhelui."
That day we five and Andrews nnd
Pudge Blgelow, who hnd also received
, the dull, destructive drop from their
! best young lady friends, met in the li
brary. It being the most secret phico
! wo could find, nnd composed u grisly
and horrible oath by which wi swore
, to have revenge on Grabbcnhelm nnd
other persons us yet ununown to too
Jury.
We sat around the library until Miss
Hawkes, the librarian, became suspi
cious, never having seen us there be
fore. But it wasn't until late after
noon that wo found the plan. Then It
nil dawned nt once like u beautiful
sunrise. It wns an Inspiration tho
Idea of n lifetime.
Grabby would wreck the chemical
laboratory. In so doing ho would 1111 n
long-felt wont. We hnd been yearning
to do It 'ever since wo hnd hnd fresh
man, chemistry. But we hadn't dared.
It hud been n popular diversion in
years-past, but had been overdone, nnd
that year the faculty had served no
tice that any person found spilling sul
phuric ncld around the building nnd
mixing up compounds tbnt smelled to
yon high heaven would not only be
expelled but Indicted by the grand Jury
for malicious mischief. So we had suf
fered all year. Heavens, how we had
suffered In that class! Professor
Grubb was a fiend incarnate for piling
up work and trouble nnd conditions.
And now wo would got even. Grubby
would pile up the chemistry roam for
us.
Wo plotted fiercely all night. Tho
danco wns only three days away nnd
time wns short. Tho next day Pierce
and I disappeared from our nccus
tomed haunts In the nftcrnoon. We
had with us tools and n lunch. The
old muln building stands open until
sir, nnd It wasn't hurd for us to ram
ble casually up to tho third floor with
out meeting nnyono und insert our
selves Into Professor Wogg's room.
It wns no trick at nil to get out of
Professor Wogg's room nnd Into tho
chemical laboratory. Tho locks wero
up-to-date, but the doors weren't. They
cut llko cheese. It wns Just nine
o'clock when we finally stood before
our prey, and the moonlight filtering
through the big narrow-paned windows
Hindu It unnecessary to use lights.
Wo worked mostly with nclds. They
nro so satisfactory. Wo mixed them
nil together nnd poured them wherev
er they would do 1ho most good. We
burned villainous remarks on the wall
paper. Wo used litmus pnper hy tho
bale nnd test tubes by the barrel.
When we got tired of nclds we went
In for smells. The smells wo discov
ered wero superb. I smelled a lot of
them tho second day 1 was on the
ocenn last year Just at meal time.
They were, yellow-brownish green
smells thnt tlo your stomnch up in a
knot and wring it out like a towel.
Wo put chunks of pntnsslutn in nil
tho wuter pots and stuck the profes
sor's record book Into a huge bowl of
hydro-sulphuric ncld to soak. Then wo
tip-toed out, carrying largo bi'iikcrs
of tho smelly triumphs we had pro
duced and hurled them over tho han
soms Into the other rooms. But beforo
we went, being somewhat hurried, wo
dropped n clue. It was a foolish thing
to do, but criminals always do
It. No mutter how careful you nro
when committing crime you nro al
ways hound to leave some damaging
evidence. We dropped ours right on tho
professor's desk where ho would bo
sure to find It. It wns a handkerchief,
all stained with acid. And It had n
name embroidered In tho corner. Why
on earth do men, especlully reckless
men, hnve their names embroidered on
their handkerchiefs? This line would
have been our ruin, only the mime was
"Grubbenhelm."
Wo left n bunch of keys In a cab
inet, too. There was a metal tag on
tho ring with the nuine "Grubben
helm," on It. Cost us DO cents to
have an old locksmith stamp that
name the afternoon before. And down
on the campus when wo hud slipped
quietly out und had unostentatiously
oozed Into the shrubbery ubout four
seconds nfter the night watch had
turned the corner wo left a hut. It is
often done hy men who are In u great
hurry. And of course there Is nothing
so damning as a hat with the owner's
name In it. Grabby shouldn't havo
decorated all his personal property
with his full name. "G." would havo
been quite sulllclent.
We slept late the next morning und
wandered peacefully down Into pan
demonium Instead of chapel. The col
lege was buzzing like n hornet's nest
Just licforo the order to fire at ran
dom is given. The fnciiltywas unani
mously absent. It wus meeting in
executive session. Every few minutes
it was sending out a new request that
Mr. Grubbenhelm appear before it im
mediately. The deputy sheriff wns
also looking for Mr. Grabbcnheim. Ills
popularity of the day before was as
nothing beside his extreme desirability
Just then. People who hud never heard
of blm before simply ached to get hold
of him. I believe old Professor Grubb
would have given u year of his life to
have been allowed to converse with
Grubhcnhciin for Just u minute with
u meat ax.
As for the students, of course, tho
feelings were pretty well mixed. It
was generally conceded that Grabby;
bad done a noble and gallant deed,
but that he bad displayed unusunl
giininilness of Intellect in tho details.
That was laid up of course to the fact
that he was but a poor, dumb foreign
er, unacquainted with our customs.
But he had done his best, and thero
was great regret over the whole un
fortunate affair 1 mean the clues
Tho most particular and heartrending
regret wns displayed by seven young
ladles for whom some of us had onco
had a tender regard. Never had X
seen such passionate and despairing
regret. Some of them wept openly.
At ten o'clock the fuculty expelled
Grabbcnhelm by u unanimous vote nnd
exhorted the sheriff to capture blm,
dead or alive. Professor Wogg held
out for mercy to the last. It almost
broke his heart to lose Grabbcuhclin,
but, us be had often complained,
mathematics stood little show In this
Impractical world and genius got no
consideration. I don't believe he has
ever quite recovered from the blow,
and he still quotes Grubbcnhclm's
marks, I am told.
That afternoon most of us seven
got notes from the young ladies who
had dumped us overboard with such
regret two days before. Tho notes
wero absurdly friendly. They wero
notes wo would hnvo given a great
deal to have received a week beforo,
but somehow they were merely painful
nt thnt time. Our fnlth in womankind
was gone. Wo were embittered men.
We went to the athletic dance, but wo
stngged It nnd stood for the most pnrt
In the corners, looking scornfully on
nt the proceedings. We could hardly
condescend to dnnce with nny woman,
guilty or Innocent.
Only one of the several girls ap
peared. Miss Toothhy came In late
with Slinpklns. He had been nsklng
her to various affairs steadily for two
years, but she had always had previous
engagements. When they cunio In
Pierce gave an awful start and re
mained absorbed In thought for somo
minutes. Then he looked ut me. I
looked hnck. Then we both looked nt
Simpklns. Then simultnneously some
thing within us swelled up nnd burst
Into nn awful und corrosive wrnth.
Dundernoodles thnt we were! Why
hadn't wo suspected Simpklns before?
No, we never entirely got oven with
Simpklns. He still lives.
(Copyright.)
To Dream or to Do
How often the world regrets the loss
of achievements that men hnvo con
templated and never achieved I Tho
Inventions thnt the unpcrslstent hnvo
never worked out; tho pictures that
artists hnvo rested content with see
ing only in their brains; the books
that hnvo never got beyond their au
thors' outlines; the epics thnt poets
hnve only planned; the hundreds of
altruistic deeds existing only ns Im
pulses; how often mankind has re
gretted such losses. But instead of
feeling sorry about It, pity the would
bo doers. William James counsels
these victims:
"Every time n resolve or n fine glow
of feeling evuporntes without bearing
practical fruit it Is worso than n
chance lost ; It works so as positively
to hinder future resolutions and emo
tolns from taking tho normal path o
discharge.
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