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About The Red Cloud chief. (Red Cloud, Webster Co., Neb.) 1873-1923 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 30, 1915)
w i Kin Hubbard Essays M THE QUACK By KIN HUDDARD. Noboddy ur over so bravo that he couldn' bo scared by a quack special let. A falter kin distinguish himself on th' field o' battlo cr show his cour ago In a thousnn' dlfTcrcnt wuys an' ylt emerge from u short, crlnp consulta tion with u fat, glossy quack special ist trouablln' lllto a dlmo's north o' liver. That's th quack specialist's business. Ho don't euro how strong and bravo you are. All ho asks Is a llttlo heart t' heart, or liver t' liver, talk with you. After n quack npeclallst gits you In his studio ho first sets about t' git a lino on your financial condition an' ho expects you to bo Jlst as frank an' hon est with him on this subject as you aro "He Dont Care How Strong and Brave You Are. All He Asks Is a Little Heart to' Heart, er Liver f Liver, Talk With You." when you try f dcscrlbo th' sharp, dortin' pain which departs ever' morn In' at twenty minutes after th' hour from th' baso o' your skull an' runs thro without chango f your right heel. Ho has soveral Ingenious tittle preliminary questions bearlu' Indirect ly on your case which ho asks, an' which, ir answorcd truthfully, gives him a fair workln' clow on your in come. No quack specialist in his right mind will disturb a tumor unless tber's ft farm behind It. an', whllo tber's been great progress made In th' profession o' surgery, It's impossible t remove a tumor without disturbln' th' farm However, no feller wuz over so poor that u quack specialist couldn't at least reniovo eight dollars fiom him fer a bottlo o brown water. An' Jlst f make th' operation seem moro dllll cult he'll advlao you t' glvo up tor-backer. REFORMS By KIN HUBBARD. Not t' th' letter that we long for tlicr halut nothln' that comes us slow as reforms After many anxious years o' wait In' two thirds o' th' states o' th' Union havo passed laws llxln' th' weight o' a bushel o' cowpeas at fifty-six pounds. It lias been a tedious process but th' people won In tho end Fer years th' prune hogshead stood uncovered near th grocery door whllo th' tub oysters reclined agin' th' hltchln' rack an' th' ninckerol barrel wuz th' prl?o lly catcher o' th' period It's a wonder those who went f hear Jenny Lind or Henry Clay ever lived t' tell th' tale when you think o' th' olo-timo grocery. Folks used t' wait patiently fer Saturday t' como t' take a bath or depcndjffc on musk. It took years an' years rMrcak up th' olo musk prac tice. Th business men used t' take ten minutes t worry down a heavy dinner an' Indigestion reaped a rich harvest. T'day th' humblest banker takes throe hours. He's thlnkln' whllo ho cats, but ho'n away from th' din o' th' addln' machines an' th' odor o' musty bills. A fotler's personal ap- K'Hra; Folk Uaed t' Walt Patiently fer Saturday f Come t' Take a Bath er De pended on Musk. It Took Years an' Years t' Dreak Up th' Ole Musk Practice." pearanco never used t' occur t' him till th' church bells rung cr a circus como f town, an' It often took th" funeral o' someone near an' dear t' make a feller put on a Prlnco Albert. A feller used f think that if ho bad better clothes at homo ho wuz all set. T'day th' advantages o' beln' dressed up kin hardly bo overesti mated If you'ro sellln" somethin'. Tber's a llttlo reform wave t'day that Is gatberln' force from many quar ters rcgardln' th' frco lunch fork. Th' freo lunch fork used t' niako th' whole world kin, but wo'ro wakln' up. Fer years wo'vo all been usln' th' same fork In friendly rivalry. Sometimes th' premtacut merchant has t' wait SPECIALIST A quack specialist with a frock-coat an' four column beard stopped for two days at th' Now Palace hut-tol last week an' hero's somo o' th' questions ho asked Tipton Hud, who went t' con sult him: Do you own any real estato? Aro your muscles sore after dlggln a collar? Aro you hungry before breakfast! Docs eatln' a Klefer pear glvo you a warped vlow of life? Durin' th' heated summer months do you hesitate when confronted with somo arduous task? Aro you sullen an' melancholy after you'vo puld for a one-rib roast? Do you notico heavlncBa o' th eye- lids when you try t watch a ton-thirty film? Do you awaken with a start when a nelghborin' planner strikes up aftor hours? Do you foci a wanln' Inclination t' My a klto nu th' years go by? Aro you ovor seized with Indecision when you havo your choice o' two kinds o' soup? Do you ever notico a low, muffled gurglo in th' region o' th' pipes that carry th' air back f th lobes o' th' lungs whllo plowln'? So what could Tipton Dud do? I wuz up t him f either linger nlong fer another week er begin treatment at once. Ho dldn' know nothln' 'bout th" connection o' th' anastomosis o' th' capillary extremities o' th' vena cova with tlioso ) tli' portal vein an' ho wuz In no mood t' take chances. fhe minutes on th' lending drayman, an' then th' most pop'lar hill poster iins f wait on th' most prominent mer chant, who attempts t' resign In favor o' a well known uttoinoy. It will take somo tlrno t' break up this piactlco but sure somo more sanitary means should bo devised whereby cold slaw an beans kin bo taken Int' th' stom ach Girls use f shako with fear an' troni blln' ns they wero led t th' altor. Now they beat you f It. Folks use f wear thick, soggy flannel under wear an' dnnre till daylight In close, stuffy hulls without cxcltln' comm -it. T'day they'd bo put out o' th' bulldln". Right now thero is a llttlo under current o' objection t' our present day method o' handlln' soup. Th' fcelln' 'II grow as timo goes an an' Anally crystalllzo Itsolf int' a genoral revolt an' become allied with our world wide crusado agin useless noises. It's bound t' como, Th' feller that eats soup like a walrus Is doomed. Why, it wuz as late as th' eighties boforo wo begun f question th' ad- vlsablllty o' sideburns. It took heroic work, but t'day you won't oven en counter a set In th' felt boot districts. Trousers UBed V bo lined as late as soventy years after th' Declaration o' American Independence, an' many o' us, even t'day, turn purple with rago when wo rcmomber how our big toes used f got caught in th' llnln' All these reforms took time. It is needless f call attention f th' women's clothes o' t'day, For years women stuck f th' samo olo waist lino T'day It fluctuates llko an Adam's applo an' odds variety an' ox cltement an robs th' passln' show o It's ole monotony an' sameness, (Protected by Adams Newspaper tJervIc,) WELLAND CANAL OBJECT OF ALLEGED BBBBBBBBfc VBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBrBBrBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB jHff its B flVH Fedoral authorities in tho East believe the alleged plot of Paul Koenlg, head of the detective bureau of the Ham-burg-Amoricau lino, to blow up tho Wolluud canal Is only un Incident In a vast conspiracy- Tho Illustration shows a part of tho cannl, which connects Lake Ontario with Lake Hrle. At tho right Is Koenlg and at tho loft 11 10. I.eyou docker, an art dealer, under arrest as one of the alleged conspirators. INTERIOR ii B "" i "I i'iii 'iipfipwuii i i i i iii mini ii kn .t-s8 ,"' "miusj Intel lor low of Turkish fortifications on tho Gulllpoll peninsula, with a body of tioops about to move to tho llrst-lino trenches. SHARPSHOOTERS IN WHITE AND ON SN0WSH0ES Iho mountain fighting In which the Germans uru engaged has made It necessary to draw on those German soldiers who are snowshoo adepts. The photograph shows a patrol of these men, garbed In white uniforms to make them almost Invisible against Uie white background and equipped with their snowshoes, taking a boad on tho onemy In tho Vosges mountains. KING OF ITALY WATCHING HIS SOLDIERS 1 lSt0 N?lb3tw rW i if MmmWBSA. 11 1 - uiPH WPbr 'i.T. hftkwAr f II 11 .IQXJ& &3Eift&. II II it v,.: j"-7wv iMimz 1 itiv r'wa ,i sasimRwkVx 1 r n A,kr .ftv ,o ssmmmmm m ti$&mx3 li 'v Ww. - WtrwiBk'WBa. fit '.K ? k Jem ttfwjumiir m. M'syEiwmixaizAX mvY' smmtwtf. & Mf:M'w &' ftylwm'vri'mL&'4mm n' i i v-jrcs m m v Hl fiHfKM tKjWBlf ' t.yjV"i i(slu j. . " -A1W A jJJT-v 1 4 ' J v,- ' MA TW . X. ""i' . j. 1UP -Jii.i. lr.i.Mefl WlS&t: v ' . x. ""i' jwiw .jk-c l, jL.if i."sr-.-3 w--'1 r .. n -pHiaKviii- SiWSt yWw' A striking photograph taken on tho heights of Cadoro whllo the king of Italy, accompanied by his minister of wnr and tho commander In chief of the Italian armies, was watching tho movomonts of tho fighting forces. King Victor Emmanuel has his eyes flxod to tho great field glasses. OF TURKISH FORT ON rifiA'VA... ZKUkv&KX. iTAcij. WMVmXA TsrUKCfetaW .u&tA&ZW4amzktMb-. "rviw.i PLOTTERS G ALL! POL I GIVEN TO HER DESCENDANT airrrrrafgrrir A beautiful statuette of Pocahontas, Indian maid famed in history and an cestor of Presldont Wilson's brldo, wa3 presontcd to tho White Houso couplo by the Pocahontas Memorial associa tion, an organization mado up of Washington women. It Is In bronze and Is a replica of tho statuo that will bo erected at Jamestown, Va. Th statuetto Is 18 Inches high und the sculptor, William Ordway Partrldgo of Now York, BROTHFT WASN'T REALLY TIGHTWAD He Didn't Know That Man He Found Sleeping on Lawn Was Brother John. Oklahoma Clly, Okla. John McEV tvnln catno hero from California to visit his brother, Thomas, whom he had not seen for 20 yenrH. Having arrived la (ho night, ho had his brnther'n houso pointed out to him, but did not awaken tho family. John's accustomed to sleeping out of doors, so ho lay down outside on the soft llormuda grass, placed his head on his handling and slept thoro all night. Ho preferrod It to n bed in the house, Tom came nut In tho morning and saw IiIh brother asleep on tho lawn. Ho did not recognize hlm, although ho know his brother waB coming from California soon. "What aro you doing hero?" ho do Dinudrd, not recognizing his brother. "You must bo u tightwad to object Wat Handed Over to a Policeman. to a man sleeping on your crasa," John retorted. "That's all right," said Tom. "n you'd bettor go on your way now." John refused to go and was handed over to a pollcoman. Not until after thoy had reached tho police station did ho mako hlmsolf known. Thoa Tom bought two boxes of cigars for tho police officers to quiet tholr laughter and said ho would buy ovory mnii a drink It thoy had not already closed tho saloons. John will hereafter havo his choice of a bed In tho houso or on tho sleep ing porch. NECK BROKEN IN INITIATION, Candidate Tossed In Blanket by Lodge Members Is Fatally Injured. ' ' ' Dubois, Pa. Thoinns Leon Rood, twenty-nno, la doad nt his homo at Oluntn, Clearfield county, ns a result of nu nccldcnt sustained whllo being Initiated into tho mysteries of a Bccrot ordor. Head, a strapping six-footor, was tho last of nlno cnndldatos to bo Initiated Into a Bldo degree of tho order, and when It camo his tlrno to take tho do groo was required to walk, bllndfoldod, on a nnrrow plank, at tho end of which ho was rcqulrod to Jump off Into a blanket held by the mombors of tho or der, aftor which he was tOBsed Into the air soveral times. In falling into the blanket young Reed, after being tossed the third time, struck on his head and broke his neck. Ho was taken at once to his home, where he died two days later. A coro nor's jury gave a verdict of accidental death and exonerated the mombors of, tho order. JUST AFTER THE IDLE RICH Maryland Highwayman, In Red Sweat. er, Proves to Be Modern Robin Hood. Ammcndalo, Md. A modern Robin Hood In a red swentor, who attempt ed to hold up Sheriff Thomas Garrison nod W. W. Rush of Hyattsvlllo, after robbing an eighteen-year-old girl of her purso anil returning It to her, Is bolng sought by Prlnco Qoorgo county authorities. Mabel Jacohson was traversing tho road when tho highwayman stopped hor, pistol In hand. Tho girl banded him her purso, containing her wcok's wages a slnglo flvo-dollar bill and broko Into toars. "I worked hard for that," she sobbed. Tho highwayman handod back tho llttlo pocketbook. "I don't rob poor people, he said. Boy Killed Disobedient Sister. Conlburg, O. Frank CaccavIIIo, aged twolvo yearB, shot and killed his sister, Cunnol, aged ton, when sho re fused to obey his orders whllo thoy woro playing Bchool In tholr homo. Tho lad then fled to tho woods, but was apprehended. Hanged Herself to Stop Sneezing. Now York. Bocauso doctors wore unablo to stop hor fits of sneezing, Mlas Margaret Ebort, a milliner, com mtttcd suicide by hanging horsolf from a bathroom gas fixture I &5i I m