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HUMOR OF THE DAY
Ihe "Glorious Fourth" Consid
ered in Lighter Vein.
UdMfcfng Into th Futura of Willi and
Johnny Some Thought of tho
Colobratlon Safe and
8ana Fathor.
GRIEF.
"Why ax yo weeplns, my poor
oyr
"Boo-hoo! My p-p-paw said I mu-mu-iBnatat
ipend more'n half of m-m-my
(money fer firecrackers, bubu-bucauae
pr might need the rest for the doo-doo-Mr.
Boo-hoa"
ALL USED UP
The Torpedo I feel bang-up! How
fcbout you?
The Cracker Ob, I'd feel better If I
"wasn't hasted.
TOO BAD.
"I'm sorry that It Is no longer fash
ionable to hare fireworks on the
Pourth of July."
"Why should you care?"
"My wife's old maid sister, who has
been llrlng with us for the last 15
years, has Just become engaged to a
willing widower, and I'd like to cele
ibrate without letting tho neighbors
'know Just why."
UNNECESSARY.
"Do you always take off your hat
when the flag goes by?"
"Nawl I'm not runnln' for an office."
EAGLE AS NATIONAL SYMBOL
King of Birds Properly the Proud Em
blem of the Greatest Country
of the Earth.
On the fourth day of July the
cream of tho Amorlcan Eagle can be
heard from coast to coast, from lakeB
ito gulf, over hills, valleys, plains and
imountalns, and "wo, tho people of tho
(United States," pay homage In one
'way or another to tho bravo men of
1776, who dared defy King Qoorgo and
the British Hon.
Tho caglo bad not yet been adopted
I '
i r i i
1 " i Hi ssaaWMBlitir slsiaissaaaga 'TTlMlfsa
elssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
THE FLAG THEY
Photographer,
AFTER THE BATTLE
"The search among th slain."
WHERE, OH, WHERE?
WIIllo haa his platol ready, WUlle's heart
la full of Klee;
lie has bought a little cannon sad his
breast from care la free;
Willie countfl the passing momenta aa
they slowly drag away
Where, oh, where, will little Willie be In
two weeks from today? ,
Johnny's little bank la empty,
he baa
squandered every cent.
With a giant cracker Johnny wtll
the merriment:
begin
He possesses all the fingers and the toes
he ahould but, atayl
Where, oh, where, will Johnny's digits be
In two weeks from today?
HI8 SAFE AND 8ANE FATHER.
"Father, didn't you ever shoot' off
firecrackers when you were a boy?"
"No. I couldn't afford to burn up
money In that way."
"And didn't you ever hare a toy can
non?" "Never. I did my celebrating In a
safe and sane way."
"How was that?"
"Well, I used to get a piece of gas
pipe, plug one end of It, fill it with
powder and then touch a match to It
Talk about noise. It beat any toy can
non I've ever heard."
HIS FATHER A STANDPATTER.
"Well, my little man, I see you are
carrying a flag. Do you know why we
are celebrating today?"
"Yes. 'Cause Huerta didn't bust the
country."
INDEPENDENCE.
This Is the day on which the average
man shows his Independence by doing
fooltah things without having gained
his wife's permission.
n8 our "nai symbol, but it was
noi long niter me Bigning oi tne Dec
laration that John Hancock began to
talk of a sign. Benjamin Franklin had
no liking for Audubon's "bird of Wash
ington," considering It "a bird of bad
moral character, and which does not
got his living honestly." But the
eagle Is tho king of birds.
King of the peak and the glacier,
King of the cold, white scalps.
They aro wonderfully strong birds,
having been known to carry lambs of
tbelr own weight for flvo miles, which
shows their mighty grasp and twist
1 ?
LOVE
ROCKETS AND CRACKERS.
A wet Fourth makes a lean grave
yard. The fool and his digits are soon
parted.
The sticks fall alike on the lust and
the unjust
A thumb on the band Is worth two la
the alcohol.
It Is better not to take a dare than
to get your hand scorched.
The boy who doesn't get too gay may
celebrate another day.
It Isn't always the firecracker with
the longest fuse that makes the most
aols.
Remember that the giant firecracker
Is always Just getting ready to go off
when you bend over It to see what la
the matter.
Let us then be up and shooting, with
a heart for any fate, lighting fuses and
then scooting learn to stand aside
and wait
SAFETY AND SANITY MADE EASY.'
Little Willie's sick a-bed.
Mumps have put him to th bad:
Do we view his caso with dread?
No, In fact, we're rather glad.
Doctor warns him not to stir;
In his bed he must remain;
This will make It easier
For ua to be safe and
PUZZLE PICTURE
I lsW 1 1 iSSSssaaaajaasssWW
Find the boy who had two whole dot
lars to spend on fireworks.
NOT WORRYING.
"My goodness! I shouldn't think yoa
would permit your little boy to hav
such big firecracker. Aren't you at
all afraid?'
"Oh, no, not a bit I'm only his step
mother." 8. E. KI8ER.
-iSS
of talons. They are distinguished for
their twinkling eye, always open for
danger; qqually for spoils, which re
minds one of Napoleon, "the eagle
eyed," and of the old song in "Robin
Hood." Ono of Its chief characteris
tics is that it can see Its prey at so
great a distance, swoop down and get
It before It can get away or anything
eleo Intcrvcno. Its powerful night Is
acknowledged by steady wing beats,
though It Boars long distances on the
level and can ariso In great ascending
circles. For long life, few, If any,
exceed Its, many rounding out a cen
tury, eomo 180 years.
TtvTbs'
vJrnTffi itv -aM?
The American Farmer.
All things recalled, wouldn't It bo
the part of fttntostnnnBlilp to do con
grcasloually for tho Amorlcan farmer?
Ho'b ono-fourth of your population,
and tho natlon'a boat hope. The
American morchunt borrows at flvo
por cent. Tho Amorlcan Block gam
bler, producing nothing, accomplish
ing nothing, n-inorcst leech living by
tho toll of othors, borrows for uvon
Iobh. Tho American farmer, with all
that cun bo said to his good and solv
urt ndvtuitage, must and docs pay 8V&
per cent.
And nil tho timo tho savings and
postal bnnkH aro bulging with billions.
If tho governmunt would inntio two
blades of grneB grow wliero but ono
Iihh grown before nnd publicly it
would pay tho wide-flung chnnca lies
opon. Lot It model action on French
or German lines, and plncn tho farmer
on n borrowing par with tho merchant,
tho manufacturer nnd tho stock Job
ber. Lot it evolve a uyRtcm of farm
lonnn which shall put thoso savings
and postal bank billions ut u por cont
within tho farmer's borrowing reach.
HearHt'fl Magazine.
ECZEMA ITCHED AND BURNED
R. F. D. No. 2, Seymour, Mo. "My
scalp broko out with fine pimples at
tho start. They Itched and burned bo
much that I was compelled to scratch
thorn nnd they would fontcr nnd cotnu
to a head and break out again. Tho
trouble was attended by fluch burning
and Itching I could not Bleep, also
when I sweat it burned tho enmo.
My hair fell out gradunlly and tho
scalp kept rough nnd dry with itching
and burning. After about two years
tho pimples broko out between my
ehouldors. My clothing Irritated them.
I was troubled with that eczema flvo
or six years.
"I tried everything that was recom
mended without nny benefit until 1
used tho Cutlcura Soap nnd Ointment
according to directions, nnd Cutlcura
Soap and Ointment cured mo sound
and well in two weeks." (Signed) 8.
L. Kllllan, Nov. 23, 1912.
Cutlcura Soap and Ointment sold
throughout tho world. Sample of each
frce.wlth 32-p. Skin Book. Address post
card "Cutlcura, Dept L, Boston." Adv.
Must Have Stirred Audience.
Dan Daly onco essayed tho legiti
mate. It was In his early days. All ho
had to do was to come to the center
of the stage at a critical moment and
shout:
"The king Is dead; long live the
king!"
When the time came Mr. Daly
promptly assumed the correct dra
matic pose, hut for a moment was so
agitated that words tailed him. Then
he bellowed at the top of his voice:
"Long live the king he's dead!"
Idle Thoughts.
"Why are you watching that fly so
Intently?"
"I was Just wondering If men will
ever bo able to tango up and down
the walls like that Wouldn't it bo
fine?" Pittsburgh Post
Bright, I Say!
"Algy makes very sure of himself
beforo ho does any boasting."
"A safe blower, eh?"
It is easy enough to bo popular. Just
agree with everything the other fellow
ays.
Years of Experience
Makes Perfect
Mothers may try new remedies on themselves but Baby's life
is too delicate, too precious to try any experiments.
mmw
BECAUSE it has been made under his personal supervision
for more than 30 years to the satisfaction of millions upon millions
of Mothers.
Sold only in one size bottle, never in bulk, or otherwise;
to protect the babies.
The Centaur Company,
REAL LIFE IN THE COUNTRY!
Fact Is 8hown by Man' Eagerness to
Escape From Congestion of
the Crowded City.
Why is It that railway magnates,
pronldents of banks nnd heads of groat
enterprises who must perforce do
business In cltlrH, nlnioBt nil try to
linvo homes on fnrnm In tho country,
whom they develop colls, plant crops
and breed unlmtils7 It Is bernUBO thoro
Ih wenrtsomo monotony In piled up
brick and ntono. There Is confusion
In crowded streets nnd clanging trol
ley cars and hot smoky railways.
Theso tilings man has made, and thoy
aro needful, but (hey aro not llfo, much
as tho farm hoy may Imngtnn thorn to
bo.
I.lfo Is in tho opon country. Lifo 1b
In tho growing grnHH, tho waving Ileitis
of wheat, tho springing corn. I.lfo Ih
In tho trecH and birds, life is In tho
doveloplng nnlmnlH of the farm.
Any man who works with tho land,
who foods n field and watches tho re
sult, gains n real fundnmentnl know
ledge of tho underlying foundation on
which roBts nil our civilisation. It
mnkrs him n sober man, n thoughtful
man, a reverent man, and if ho experi
ments wisely n hopeful optimist. Life
Is where thlngH aro horn and llvo and
grow. On the fnrm Is renl llfo. Breed
er's (tll70ttt.
Boon to Mankind.
IgnntltiB Tootle, the renowned au
thority on floral lire, who lives nenr
tho quiet vlllngo of Ynnkuo Springs,
Is nl tho present tlmo trying to out
burbank Bui bank, tho wlz., by grow
ing a rectangular wntcrmolon. Mr.
Tootlo htiB notlcud for years that uitl
mato consumqrs have had much trou
ble trying to carry watermolons from
tho storo, inasmuch ns thoy (tho wa
termelons) nro of awkward nhapo nnd
qulto ellppory, nnd nftor n watormolon
has fallen nnd hnH lilt tho cement side
walk Its usefulness may bo said to be
over. Mr. Tootle's wntermelon will
bo' long and will linvo squaro corners,
Wo of which corners will lit Into the
bent elbow when tho melon Is carried
on tho insldo of tho arm. Mr. Tootle
ex poets to have his now molon grow
ing and on tho market by 1927, If noth
ing happens. Boston Globe.
Anvil on the Sestet.
It Is customary when a militant suf
fragotto' Is placed on trial In England
for her friends to while away their
time in court by bounding shoes, bags
of flour and bales of pamphlets on tho
magistrate's brow. This conduct Is
calculated to bias If not brain the
court.
Now Modern Dancing
The leading Expert and Instructor In Mew fork
CUr, writ! "J? Bin I nave ae4 am.kn'h
tuT.lAsc, toe amuptlopowar to be shaken Into
tbetboea, tor the put tea ream. Itlsablesilngto
all who are compelled to be on their feet. I dance
eight or ten boar dally, and And that Al lcn'm
Vout-Hask keeps my feet cool, takes the friction
from the shoe, prevents eomi and Bore, Aching f eel.
I recommend it to ell my tniptu)."
(Signed) B. FLBTCHBH UAl.LAMORB.
Bemplarau. Address Allen&01mtedJKor,N.Y.
Wear Well.
Husband I note that .the papers
again say that Huerta Is on his last
legs.
Wife Thoy cortalnly do last.
, But Not Toothless.
"Call off your dog, for goodness'
sake!"
"No use; he's deaf." Lo Biro.
CASTORIA
! ;i
SSSSS&i
Bears the Signature of
:Ws
&i0&&M
Ji3tnKlim'jiJyf rr-T'
WOMEN CAN
HARDLY BELIEVE
How Mrs. Hurley Was Re
stored to Health by Lydia
E. Pinkham'a Vegetable
Compound.
Eldon, Mo. " I was troubled with
displacement, inflammation und fcmalo
weakness. For two
yoarB I could not
stand on my foet
long at a timo and I
could not walk two
blocks without en
during cutting and
drawing pains down
my right sidn which
Incronsod ovury
month. I havo been
r.t that timo purple
in tlio face and would
walk tho floor. I could not Ho down or
sit still sometimes for n dny and a night
nt n tlmo. I was nervous, nnd had very
little nppotite, no ambition, melancholy,
nnd often felt ns though I had not a
friend in tho world. After I had tried
most every female remedy without suc
cess, my mother-in-law ndvhcd mo to
tnko Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound. I did bo nnd gained in
Btrength every dny. I linvo now no trou
ble in any way and highly pniiso your
medicine. It ndvertisca itself." Mrs.
S. T. HURXKY, Eldon, Missouri.
Remember, tho remedy which did
this was Lydia E. Pinkham's Vcgotable
Compound. Por solo everywhere.
It has helped thousands of women
who have been troubled with dispioce
mcnts.inflammation, ulceration, tumors.
Irregularities periodic pains, backache,
that bearing down feeling, indigestion,
nnd nervous prostration, after all other
means havo failed. Why don't you try
it? Lydia E. Pinkham ModlcUie Co
Lynn, Mass.
Make the liver
Do its Duty
Nine times in ten when the liver It
right the stomach and bowels arc right
CARTER'S LITTLE
LIVER PILLS
gently but firmly com;
pel a lazy liver
do its duty.
Cures Con
stipation, In
digestion,
Sick
Headache.
and Distress After Eating.
SMALL PILL, SMALL DOSE, SMALL PMOL
Genuine must bear Signature
Wtltn for catalog and fall Information abont a
bite pmj Ing uncruwded profession. Hrerj rear
wo rvcelve morn rrquetta for our graduates (Ben
we can fill. Addreu,l)r.lJurU)nfLttogem,Iean
ST. .lOHEPU VETKMNAHY COIXKOB
70 Sjrlvanle Street, HU Joseph, Missouri
Manufacture nog; Cholera aernra also.
HAIR BALSAM
toilet preparation of merit,
UltMl to eradicate dandruff.
Pa R.rfMlii CTMa awl
Beauty toCraror Faded Hair.
Mo. and f LoOat Irnnuta.
14 ' vM
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SaVHI
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