ftV
A
RED CLOUD, NEBRASKA, CHIEF
1
m
INGT
PRACTICAL JOKTR
1B OSTKMTY sees ii stiff, rormal pic-
H PA turn of Washington standing In tho
H H bow of a boat crossing tho Dclnwnro
rH-flf amid Moating blocks of Ico on that
H"1 memorable Christmas night, to
I H I light llio Imttlo which turned tho
I I tlilo of Hip involution In tho right
I I direction. Hut no painter could
A' ilcllnratu thn heroism of tho actual
scene. Ills man wero ragged half
naked. Ilosldes thn running Ico In tho river, thoro
wiih a blinding blizzard, nnd It was no blttor cold
that the chief loan on tho American-Bldo was of
tho men who, though Inured to pioneer hardships,
froze to death that awful night.
Did General WaHhlngton atnnd In IiIh boat In
that dangeroiiH current during n driving Htorni
nnd Btaro pompously at tho nppoHlto shore? Not
ho. IiihIi'ihI of thnt, ho "flat tight" and cujoled
tho men, uhIiik every dovlco that might make them
forget their terrible situation; even tolling them
a fncotlotiH story, which, coming from him, star
tlcd them, set their, blood tingling mid tnado them
obllvloun to tho cold nnd dangers around thorn.
Thnt watt tho grandest deed In tho military strat
agem which made Frederick tho Great of Prussia,
and, Indeed, tho uholo world, wonder at the
gondii! of WaHhlngton.
Nearly every ono knowu tho outside of the
Htory of Ihe Blego f Hoston by tho now com-mniider-luchlcf,
who had como to" tho continental
congress as a wealthy Virginia colonel, nnd his
nondescript crowd of raw recruits, wholly unused
not only to military' discipline, but oven to mili
tary forms. Hut fow know of the trnnBcondcnt
bluff General Washington had to put up when he
discovered that there were but u few rounds of
gunpowder in tho possession of tho whole Ameri
can nrmy, while tho Hrltlsh wero amply supplied
with ammunition nnd might nally forth any hour
against tho American "Irregulars."
"Somo ono had blundered." Many a com
mander would have shown up tho improvident
officers who bad that matter In chatgo and pee
vishly thrown up tho command us ridiculously Im
possible. Hut General WaHhlngton did not tell his
most trusted officers of tho excruciating dilemma
he found himself in. Ho know the awful secret
would spread If known to u fow, anil tho great
causo of Justice might bu lost. Ho began quietly
to Bcour tho country for gunpowder. Ho soon
found that tho nearest place at which any quiiti
tlty could bo had wns in a magazine on tho Island
of Dermuda. To got that required a secret expe
dition, much hazard and innriy weeks; but Wash
ington's nerve was equal to tho fearful strain.
During that long," tense Interval tho American
troops wore working awny upon the fortirtcntlons,
preparing for a grand attack. Mcnnwhllo tho
young commander-in-chlcr wan ontcrtnlnlng
hospitably nt his headquarters, the Crnlgo man
sion, now best known as "longfollow's Homo," In
Cambridge. As a ploasant diversion, "Lady"
Washington, then ono of tho wealthiest women in
America, enmo to vlBlt tho general, nnd till the
countrysldn wns agog over her coach-and-four with
six black postilions in white nnd scnrlot livery.
Even tho Dryish, cooped up in Hoston, wcro Im
pressed by tho reflourcos and apparent confidence
of tho American generalissimo.1
Whllo ono expedition was gono to Hermudu
for powder, General Knox, with a biiuiII foco,
succeeded In bringing a number of cannon sov
oral hundred miles on ox sleds in midwinter
from Fort Tlconderoga. In those "times thnt
tried mon'B soula" it was Washington's iron
nerve, BUpported by his broad senso or humor,
Hoinotlmes scintillating with a radiance worthy
of a Franklin or a Lincoln, which saved tho dny
This wbb only ono or many occasions on which
Washington hnd to fight out tho revolution nlono.
A friend of Lincoln's onco said of.hlm, "Tho
president's laugh is his Hfe-proBervpr." This wnB
truer of Washington than any ono seotns to have
realized in a day when strict gravity without
lovlty, was expected of public characters. To
laugh or to seo tho humoroim Bide of an incident
wiib considered tho sign or n frivolous disposi
tion. I Washington's early biographers were solemn
men. To hnvo told in tholr books how much their
lioro laughed would hnvo been, In their opinion,
wantonly exposing hla weakness to public gnzo.
Men like "Parson" Wcoiiib, renegado preacher and
tramp fiddler though ho was, had been brought
up to think that laughing was "worse than wick
edIt was vulgar!" In straining to in'nku their
hero appear to have bocn a domlgod, those pedan
tic biographers related not what George Wash
ington really did, but what they imagined such u
hoy or man ought to hnvo done under given con
ditions. Washington vould huve laughed heartily at
Weoms' hutchet-nndcherry-treo Btory If ho had
ever heard It which ho nnvur did, for It was not
invented till a Inter edition or tho erring rector'B
juvonilo history, six yenrs after Washington's
death. Yot tho real hero of tho cherry-tree fic
tion would havo found it the occasion of gravity
na well as mirth. In tho stilted, story ot "Little
Goorgo nnd His Pa," Wcems was only carrying
out tho Idea of his time; to tell not what tho small
boy actually did, but what tho cotiBummatn Utile
prig ho conceived llttlo Goorgo Washington to
havo been would hnvo dono if ho had cut down his
father's fnvorito cherry treo.
If llttlo George Washington had been tho Insuf
ferable llttlo prig described by Mr. Weoms, his
half-brothers would not have loved him bettor
than tholr own brothers, or tholr own chlldrou,
for that matter. His oarly life was fuller of ox
citing experiences than any fiction. Yet tho lire
or young Washington Is yet to bo told as an ad
venture stqry. Even in his quaint llttlo diaries
ho early discloses a lively nonse of humor 8av
ago humor sometimes, but broad nnd boyish. Ho
showed this by tolling only tho Jokes against him
self. When he was a lad of sixteen ho led a sur
veying party to lay out tho lands of hla old friend,
Lord Fairfax, In tho wilderness of the Shenan
doah. Horo Is one of his own experiences as a
"tenderfoot," recorded on Tuosday, March IG,
1747-8:
"Wa got our Suppers & waa lighted Into a
Hnoin, and I, not being so good n Woodsman as
yo rest of my company, stripped myself vory or
derly, K- wont Into yo lied, as thoy called It,
when to my surprise I found It to bo nothing but
a llttlo straw matted together without shoots or
anything elso but ono thrcadbaro blanket, with
doublo its weight of Vermin, such ns Llco, FIpos,
ftp.
"I wan glad to get up (as soon as yo light was
i rrled from us) 1 put on my Clothes and lay as
I
ON AS A Jif
my Companions. Hud wo not been very tired, I
nm sure wo should not havo slept much that
night."
Tho next night ho related that they "had a good
dinner & a good Feather Hud, which was a very
agreeable regale."
In describing an Indian war dance, ho went on,
"Some liquor elevating their Spirits put thorn In
yo Humor of Daunelng. Ye best Dauncor Jumped
about yo ring In a most comlclo Manner!"
Others of that wilderness gang told a story of
tho boy surveyor which ho was too modest to
rolate about himself how young George turned
tho tables on Hlg Hear, the wily chlor, who was In
tho habit of holding out hla sinewy hand with
seeming friendly Intent and saying, Indian fash
ion, "How?" Woo to the unsuspecting whlto man
whoso hand Hlg Hear seized In his terrlblo grasp,
whllo ho laughod In savage gleo at tho pale
face's anguished contortions.
Young Washington had been warned In time.
Ho had a hugo, strong hnudof his own and know
a trick or two that he thought he would like tc
try on that Indian's wiry claw If ho could Just get
tho right hold. His chance, came soon enough for
Big Heat, who presented a seemingly amicable
paw with an Innocent "How?"
Tho young surveyor seized the Indian's hand
with such friendly oiithslnsm that Hlg Hear did an
agonizing llttlo dance "In a very comical manner,"
whllo tho spectators, both whlto and red, stood by
and shouted with glee to soe tho cruel savage
caught In his own trap. Never again did Hlg
Hear show such solicitude for the health of George
Washington.
At tho ugo of twenty George was tho chosen
envoy to carry a "notice to quit" from tho gov
ernor of Virginia to tho French commander on
camped In tho Ohio region Ho woto In his Jour
nal of that expedition concerning tho supper given
him by the French and Indians nt the fort at Ven
ango: "The wine, as they dosed themselves pretty
plentifully with It, soon bunlshed the restraint
which at first appeared in tho conversation, and
gave a license to their tongues to reveal their
sentiments moro freely. They told mo that It was
tholr absolute, design to take pobscbbIou of the
Ohio and by Q they would do It!"
At tho French fort, whllo awnltlng the coin
mnndnnt'B reply, tho young envoy from Vlrglnlu
played a diplomatic game for tho friendship of the
Indians. When tho Fronch piled tho IndlaiiB with
liquor, young Washington promised them guns;
nud tho gamo of diplomacy, seasonod with savage
sauco, went on betwoon tho grizzled chevalier, old
In tho arts or war and duplicity, and the young
Virginia major, who possessed common sense and
humor withal.
A After tho awful Blnughtor of Fort Duquosne,
Into which ho had rushed frcan a bod or rover, In
a vain attempt to savo Hraddock nnd his army,
Major Washington was left In command of the
scattered forces, At this tlmo ho wrote to his
brother "Jack" u letter, which at loast suggests
Mark Twain's attitude toward tho "grossly exag
gerated" story of his own death:
"Forth Cumberland, 18 July, 1765.
"Dear nrothor: As I havo heard, slnco my ar
rival nt this piano, a circumstantial account of my
death nnd dying speech, I tnko this early oppor
tunity of contradicting tho first, and of ussurlng
you that I havo not as yot composed tho latter,
MlMnONAL
SlINMTSfflOOL
Lesson
(Hy B. O. SBLLBHS. Director of Bvenlnff
Department, tho Moody IJIblo Institute,
Chicago.)
LESSON FOR. FEBRUARY 15.
GAS. DYSPEPSIA .
UNO INDIGESTION
Hut by the all-powerful dispensations of I'rovl
donee I have been protected beyond all humat
probability and expectation, for I had four bullet!
through my coat, and two horses shot under mo
yet escaped unhurt, altho' death was leveling mj
companions on every sldo of me!
"Wo havo been most scandalously beaten by s
trifling body or men, but fatigue and want ot
tlmo will provent me rrom giving you the details,
until I hnvo Uie happiness or seeing you at Mount
Vernon. OKOHGK."
War is not supposed to develop tho latent Bonne
or humor in a commanding general, but Washing
ton's wit never forsook him. HIb successful strata
gems wero llttlo more than practical Jokes raised
to the highest power. Thoy always "worked."
and then he waited, laughing In his military
sleeve, whilo his fat-witted enemies tried to play
his own tricks back on htm. Even In his retreats
and escapes from the British ns at Long Island
and beforo Princeton ho laughed and kicked up
nimble heels in the face of the sursulng enemy.
It was whllo his headquarters wero In Jersey
that Washington perpetrated the great Jersey
Joke still perpetuated by so many millions. He
told an English traveler named Weld that he
"was nover so much annoyed by mosquitoes, for
they used to bite through the thickest boot."
When the war was over tho victorious com
mander entertained tho vanquished general, Lord
CornwulllB, nt dinner, with boiiio of tho leaders
among tho French nlllPB. Washington presided.
In calling for toasts, CornwulllB, with an oblivi
ousness of tho changed conditions that was truly
English, proposed "Tho King of Englund" nB a
subject for high praise.
Tho other guests were In consternation, Would
tho presiding genius, on whose very head King
George had set a price, resent this as an Insult?
"The King of England," announced tho tonst
master general, raising hts glass. The guests
gazed at him, transfixed with astonishment.
"Loiik may he," continued Washington. " ;Loug
may he stay there!"
He pronounced the last two words In a stugo
whisper, with a shrug nnd a rueful grimace which
made all the company, including tarn Cornwallls,
who now naw his mistake, applaud with hearty
laughter; and Washington's ready humor had
prevented a disagreeable complication.
After the Revolution, Washington was permit
ted tho long-coveted happiness or living peacerully
under his "own vine und flgtroe," as he called it
hundreds, of times in as many letters. It is a great
mlstako to think thnt his life at Mount Vernon
was either stale or stilted. Nelly Custls, his adopt
ed daughter, Is authority for tho statement that
retired general was always full of gayety and
good spirits, surrounding himself with young peo
ple's company, enpoylng their lively conversation,
"particularly tho jokes," as he once said. Nelly
went so far as to claim that she round no one
quite ho willing to keep pace with her own ex
travagant spirits ns her dear, delightful old fos
ter father.
How Washington did enjoy his home when ho
waa finally permitted to stay there! Mount Ver
non wns a Mecca for pilgrims from all over tho
world. Ho onco wrote to Tobias Lear, "Unless
somo ono pops in unoxpectedy Mrs. Washington
und myself will do what I bollevo has not within
tho Inst 20 years been dono by us that Is, to sit
down to dlnnor by ourselves!"
CHRI8T'S HATRED OF 8HAM8.
LESSON TEXT-Lnke 11:37-51.
GOLDEN TBXT "Be not deceived; God
Is not mocked." Gal. 6:7.
This Is a strango breakfast episode
(to "dine" means literally, to break
fast). Jesus accepted throe sucb
Invitations from the Pharisees and
was accused of being a glutton and a
wine bibber, Matt. 11-19; Luke 7:3C,
.19, 44. In this instance wo are told
plainly (v. 54) why ho had been asked
to this feast. At a later time, e. g.,
during tho Passion week, Jesus deliv
ered a special discourse against the
Pharisees (Matt. 23) in which ho re
peated many of tho things we Htudy
today.
Mutt Be Clean.
I. False vs. True cleansing (vv. 37
44). The orthodox Jew is very punc
tilious to avoid ceremonlnl unclennll
iices. In Christ's time this ceremoni
alism was at Its highest development.
To be defiled was far worse than to be
morally unclean. This Phnrlseo "mar
veled" that. Jesus was not likewise
concerned with his outward acts (v.
39, so also Matt. 23:25, 2G). To havo
a clean cup and platter was more Im
portant than to have a clean heart
In a fragment of Gospel found at
OxyrhyncUB, Jesus is reputed to have
said tt a Pharisee: "Thou hast
washed in waters wherein dogs and
swine have been caBt, nnd wiped tho
outside skin which also harlots
anoint and beautify, but within they
are full of scorpions and all wicked
ness. Hut I have been dipped in the
waterB or eternal life which come
from the throne of God." PIoub plat
ters, presented In pride, must be In
wardly purified.
Jesus pronounces three "woes,"
griefs that like nn avenging nemesis
hang over men of such a character.
(1) A "woo" ugaitiBt those wlio make
a show of tithing the common garden
mint and herbs nnd at tho same tlmo
avoid tho weightier matters or Just re
lations to their rellow men and love
to God (v. 42). We nre not to neg
lect our churchly duties at all, but
theso cannot be substituted for
rlghteousners (see Mlcha 6:8). i (2)
A "woo" against those who love tho
places or pre-eminence (v. 43, cL Matt.
23 :C, 7). TIiIb spirit has not departed
rrom the church after a lapse or cen
turies. It Is unchristian, unchristlike.
The great ono must be tho servant of
all (Matt. 23:11, 20:28, John 13:14, 15.
Phil. 2:5-8). (3) (v. ,43), Tho third
"woo" Ib directed ag'alnst hypocrisy.
To touch n grave was to becomo un
clenn, nnd hence they were white
washed to give men warning. Many
Christians aro without bcnutirul to be
hold, yet within full or dead men's
bones and all manner or uncleaillincss.
The Three Woes. I
II. Real vs. Sham Lives (vv. 45- j
54). The lawyers wcro the theologians,'
tho exnounders or tho Mosaic law. Ev-1
'Tape's Diapepsin" settles sour,
gassy stomachs in five
minutes Time itl
You don't want a slow remedy when
your stomach Is bad or an uncertain
one or a harmful ono your stomach
Ib too valuablo! you mustnlt injure it.
Papc's Diapepsin Is noted for Its
speed in giving roller; Its harmless
uess; its certain unfailing action In
regulating sick, sour, gassy stomachs..
Its millions of cures In Indigestion,
dyspepsia, gaetrltls and other stomach
trouble has made it famous tho world
over.
Keep this perfect stomach .doctor in
your home keep it handy got a large
fifty-cent caao from any dealer and
then if an one should eat something
which doesn't agree with them; it
what they eat lays like lead, ferments
and sours and forms gas; causes bead
ache, dizziness and nausea; eructa
tions of acid and, undigested food
remember ns soon as Pape's Diapepsin
comes in contnet with the stomach all
such distress vanishes. Its prompt
ness, certainty and ease In overcoming
tho worst stomach disorders Ib a rev
lation to those who try It. Adv.
Easy to Tint Candles.
Caudles can be tinted in nny color,
ir painted in any design by using
fuchsln, methyl violet or nny others
of this class of colors, dissolved In
wood alcohol. They may bo dipped
Into a bath of the dye, or this may be
applied with a paint bruBh.
ITCHING TERRIBLE ON LIMB
K. F. D. No. 3, Clarklleld, Minn.
"My trouble was of long standing. It
started with some small red and yel
low BpotB about the size of a pin head
on my leg and every morning there
was a dry scalo on top covering the
affected part and when those scales
wero falling off the itching was more
than I could utand at times. The first
year I did not mind it so much as It
was only itching vcryybadly at times,
but the second year it advanced all
around my leg and tho Itching was
terrible. I had to be very careful to
have my clothing around the affected
part very loose. At night tlmo I often
happened to scratch the sore in my
sleep. Then I had to stand up,, get out
of bed and walk tho floor till the spell
was over.
"I bought lota of salves,, and tried
many different kinds of medicine but
without any success. I got a cake or
Cuttcura Soap and a fifty-cent box of
Cutlcura Ointment and when I had
used them I was nearly over tho Itch
ing. Out I kept on with the Cutlcura
Soap for six weeks and the cure was
complete." (Signed) S. O. Gorden,
Nov. 20, 1912.
Cutlcura Soap and Ointment sold
throughout the world. Sample of each
free, with 32-p. Skin Hook. Address post
card "Cutlcura, Dept. L, BoBton." Adv.
it takes a pretty- evenly balanced
man to be as strop g in prosperity as
in adversity.
idently the words of Jesus produced
great conviction. The word "reproach
est" (v. 45) means "to entreat spite
fully," and the probabilities are that I
he apoke to Jesus na if to rebuke him. (
Jesus at once pronounces three woes ,
upon him and his class. (1) A "woe" i
becauso they laid burdens upon others '
which they themselves would not oven
touch with ono or their fingers (Matt.
23:4). That is, they added to the law
mluuto and ' troublesome details,
which they declared to be moro im
portant than tho law itself. (2)
(v. 47) A "woe" is pronounced upon
them for honoring the dead prophets
and at the same tlmo rejecting and
persecuting thoso thnt were living.
To honor dead teachers, to praise the
prophets of the past, thoso whom wo
cannot endure whllo living, is a form
of hypocrisy which costs but little. It
ImplieB thnt had they lived In the days
or their fathers their conduct would
have been indifferent, yet they aro with
tho living prophetB, following the ex
nmplo of their fathers. God foresaw
this (v. 49) and tho falthrul 'minister
or his word must expoct a like treat
ment (Mk. 10:29, 30). (3) (v. 12) The
third "woe" was pronounced against
these reltglouB teachers because, pos
sessing the key to knowledge, they
neither entered themselves nor would
they allow others to enter; "yo enter
not In yourselves, neither surfer yo
them thnt are entering in to enter."
(Matt. 23:13, Am. Rv.). TheBe law
vrtrs theologians, were orofessedlv In
terpreters of tho law, that law which
was the foundation and bulwark of the
Jewish nation. In fact, however, they
had bo obscured and "explained" that
law as to leave men In dnrkness.
Supposed to lead men Into truth, thoy
were shutting them out of the truth.
What n terrible Indictment of many
of this present age.
We quote from the letter of a Wis
consin business roan: "The average
man Is interested In the teachings ot
the Bible. If tho Bible cannot stand
upon Its own feet, It is foolish to bol
ster it up by any personal ideas. Wo
make too many apologies for Scrip
tures -and do not stand squarely by
what it teaches." Not a few who oc
cupy tho position ot teachers obscuro
tho truth of Qod and they shut men
out of n real knowledge of him, Jesua
thus replies to both Phnrlsees and the
lawyer, that character Is not a gar
ment to wear, but It Ib tho Inward fur
bishing ot the heart
The man who does things by halves
frequently finds himself la a hole.
THIS WOMAN'S
SICKNESS
Quickly Yielded To Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound.
0 i ''iflBsTWBBwKfcci T
I
Baltimore, Md. "I am more than
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pound did for me,
I suffered dreadful
pains and was very
irregular. I became
alarmed and sent for
Lydia E. Pinkham's
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pound. I took it reg
ularly until I waa
without a cramp or
pain and felt like
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it has now been six months since I took
any medicine at all. I hope my little
note will assist you in helping other wo
men. I now feel perfectly well and in
the best of health." Mrs. AUGUST
W. Kondner, 1632 Hollins Street, Bal
timore, Md.
Lydia E. Pinkham's vegetable Com-
Sound, made from native roots and
erbe, contains no narcotic or harmful
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being the most successful remedy for
female ills we know of, and thousands
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Pinkham laboratory at Lynn, Mass.,
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For thirty years it has been the stand
ard remedy for female ills, and has re
stored the health of thousands of women
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ments as displacements, inflammation,
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If you want special advice
write to Lydia E. Pinkham Med
icine Co., (confidential) Lynn,
Mass. Your letter will bo opened
read nnd answered by a woman
and held in strict confidence.
Nebraska Directory
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