.V.
I-"
?
Ntvcr a One Day President.
Tln .i ilciilo nsMM'iifi.i is made that
on Sunday, .March I. lSI;i Senator Dn
vli! Hiie Atchison of Missouri, wlio
was Cud president pro i.-iu of the
scuati, xvii- president m' tin. FnltcJ
Wales "lrliuill.v." lie never wa
"virtiiilly" or othcrwl.se.
In 171M congress enacted that In
over t ol no president or vice president
being ifiitly to succeed the llit oiuct
should devolve on the president of
I he leiwie i'vid next in to the speaker
f tie home. The succession was
eh. ,.god in ISfcil. Nd'v, Zaehary Tay
lor i ml M li.n-d Fillmore ivi-iv In Wash
Inglon on Mnivh I. lt!). It being Sun.
da. they permitted an Interregnum tc
follow until the next diy. Mr. Atchl
koii tol; no oath as president, and
without t:il;liii: such !iu e .til.l not ex
ercK the ollloe. Mr. Taylor could
tune tiil.cn the oath at any second
sub'iqiient to noun on March 1. NY
pompt us inauguration Is demanded.
The chief JaetUe ucoil . n t administer
the nut!.. Arthur took It l:i New Vorl;
he! me Judge Hrady at 2 a. m. and Mr
Koiv-cult In Hurrah liel'o.v I'ulte.!
Slates Judge Hazel.
The "virtually" of Mr. Atchison l
isieiinry unless by some holt from tin
lilac the elected olllci il3 li.nl been removed.-Pittsburg
I'ot.
Glory Everywhere.
A Methodist minister was much an
no; id by one of his hoar.-rs frequently
shout iiiK out during the preachliiK
"(.'Iniy.'" "Praise tin Lord!" .and the
like Though often reproved, the hap
py meinlicr pcrsisto 1 In o pressing
himself.
line day the minister iuviied him
to tea and, to take his mind froir
llioughts of praise, handed him a scl
entitle book, full of dry facts and fig
uich, to pas the time before ten.
1'iesontiv the minister was sJarlled
bv n s.iddcn outburst of "Glory'."
"Ualliluiiih:" and "rralse the Lord!"
"What Is the matter, man':" nked
the niiiiMcr.
"Why, this book pays the sea Is flvi
miles deep?"
"Wed, what of that':"
"Vv by. the Hlble says my sins have
been cast into the depths of the sea.
and If It Is that deep I need not br
.il'ri.i 1 of their ever coming up again
Glory!"
The mirNter .mm up li'; of re
forming him.
A Daring Escap;.
The RMials of Sing Sin.; ere full of
darliiK escapes. A typical case wirs
that of I'al'Ktci and I'ohlf. two con
victed murderer. I'.y I'reqi'ent appeals
Ihey had headed off I lie day of theli
execution, and at length decideil on
esuipo Jit any cot - even that of life
llsoli". Late one nlKht PallNtor called
for n drink of milk, and as the olllclal
on duty opened the cell door to give
it blin lie was seized, dragged la ami
ovorpowcicd. The desperado then
locked the ofiiecr la the cell and, after
scoring Ids keys, released his com
inde Itohlf, when they ia turn over
came niid disarmed the second iiIkIiI
wati hmna. Tills done, they offered re
lease to three more prisoners with
uinni they had made fi leads. These
dei lli.cl the doubtful benelU. however,
v.'hcrei'pon the two murderers climbed
Hie sl'.v light, reached Hie boundary
wall nail liopped to liberty by the
Inoad Hudson, which they crowed in
a tiuuill loaf. New York 'J'rlbuue.
Up Two Stumps.
Little ."Johnny was in the habit of
wnnt'iig more Ictuals put upon hW
plate than he could eat. His papa de
ililid to break him of the habit. Oac
day as Johnny insisted upon being
lieivod until his ulate w-is we", tilled
bin papa said, ".Johnny. If I give yon
thin j o.i will have to eat every bit of
it or 1 will punish you." Johnny prom
Ised that he would, ami brively did
the little rcllow try to do .n, but in
vain, it was too much for hha. lie
would try again ami airaln and thou
look not row rally at ills papa. Finally,
laying down his fork, he said:
"1'iipn, if yoa was me which would
you inthcr do, get a licking or bust':"
Our Language.
Aa intelligent foreigner Is s.Ud to
have ex Messed himself after the fol
lowing fashion on the absurdities or
the English language: "When I ills-.-ovoicd
that I was qakk. I win fast;
If 1 tdood ln-tn, I was fasl: if I spent
too fiecly, I was fast, and that not to
eat was to Hist. I was dl-ie mraged.
Witt when I came ncross the sentence,
'The first one won one $1 prl.e,' I was
tempted to give ap Pagllsh and learn
some other language."
A Little of Everything.
"The weather used to be ia four acts
-miring, summer, autumn and win
ter."
"Well':"
"Hut now nature seems to have gone
into vaudeville." Loulsvll!" Courier
Journal. Live Furs.
"Mamma, look!" exclaimed Mary.
"Those fais are Jast like mine."
"Why. Mary, yoa have no furs," re
plied the astonished mother.
"Yes, l have," said Mary, "and they
arc filled with kittens." School Education.
A Mercenary Doy.
"When I was a lr , " said the mini
who insisted that mci were more mer
cenary than women. "I had a little
friend naiiicl Willie. Willie appe.irel
0..0 day with a line apple.
"Til give you thN apple.' he said to
I a little friri. Tor twenty hi.sc-.'
"The little gill was amazed. That
was not at i.ll like Willie. Novel the
less she consented.
"'Shut your eyes.' said Willie. 'Sit
down hero and shut your o.cs. And,
ml ml you, if you open them the bar
Kit la Is on-.'
"The little girl obeyed, and slowly,
very slowly, tlie kisses began to fall
upon her lips. One, two. three, four (a
Iouk pauses live, six (another long
pnusoi. seven (pause), eight, nine, ten
vimoicranio pause).
"Oh. Willie, hurry!'
" 'I'm not Willie.'
"The little Kill opened her eyes la
astonishment and diew back her pretty
mouth from the ndvaucliiK lips of a
strange boy, u er.v common, shabby
sort of boy, whom she had never seen
befoto.
" 'Why. Where's Willie':' she cried.
"'He's down the street,' was the re
ply, 'seliln' ye r kisses for two apples
apleee. Hotter shut yer eyes iikiiIh.
The next three boys Is terrible HKly.'"
St. I.ouls Kcpubllc.
On the Verge.
He considctul It a pireutal duty to
see that his daiiKhter I cpt only the
very best aiarrhiKcable company.
"Mary," said her father, "you have
been koIiik with that Mitchell fellow
for more than a ycr.r now. This court
ship mast come to a termination."
"Oh. pa, how can yoa talk so? lie
is, oh, so sweet and nice!'
"All!" And the road father arched
His eyebrows. "Sweet and alee, ehV
Has lie proposed':"
"Well, pa. not exactly." And the
girl haiiK her head ami fingered the
Irapery of her dress. "He hasn't ex
actly proposed: but, then, last eveaiiiK.
when we were oat walking, we passed
by a alee little house, and lie said.
'That's the kind of cottage I am going
to live in some day.' and I said 'Yes
ami then he glanced at me and
squeezed my hand. Then, just as we
got by. I glanced back at the cottage,
and and I squeezed his hand, pa."
"Oh. ah. I see! Well, we'll tiy him
.mother week or two." London Tit
I'.lts. His Feelings Were Hurt.
It Is strange how unreasonable some
people are In business -how unreason
able and how incoiishlcr ite of the feel
ings of others. As an example, there Is
the case of a fidelity company la New
York which suddenly and arbitrarily
canceled the bond It had issued for a
maa attached la a fiduciary capacity to
aa important concern. It was the most
natural tiling la the world for the maa
to display some feeling and to demand
to kaow the reason for such action.
And the Inconsiderate head of the
bonding company wrote him to this
effect :
"Recaase you were convicted of for.
gery under another name la the yeai
and served a term la the state
prison at ."
The recipient of the note felt so
nurt that he couldn't reply. lie still Is
silent. New York Glolv.
A Curious Cipher Code,
rrlsoacrs confined In different parts
tf Jail often use cipher codes ia com
municating with one another. In the
Kansas City jail some years ago the
officials came mro-s a hard one. A
fellow named Turner, in for forgery,
invented the puzzle. The writing was
on long narrow strips of paper, on the
edge of which were letters ami parts
of letters that apparently had no con
neettoii and from which no words
could be formed. One day a deputy
who was paslag the cell of a prisoner
saw blin passing a long strip of paper
around an octagon lead pencil. lie
took the paper away, ami oa It were
the mysterious scrawls that had wor
ried the fcceppis. Itut the deputy got
na Idea from this, and. going back to
the office, he wrapped the strip around
an octagon shaped lead pencil ami
lifter several trials adjusted It so that
the parts or the letters fitted together
and made a sentence, though the writ-
Ing was very fine. The writer had
auopieu tue simple mic ingenious piair
of covering the pencil with paper and,
liml tli. .ii 1-iMtt.ki, it niti. niii, r.r Mm mil '
sides. Oa unrolling it the writing was
as mystical as a cryptogram, but when
put around the pencil as it was origi
nally It could be easily understood.
Why.
There Is something almost plaintive
la the truly Hagllsh word "why." It
may be indefinitely prolonged upon the
lips. "Why" Is almost poetical la It
self and fitly Introduces the best hex
ameter in the language;
"Why do the heathen rage and the
people imagine a vain thing':"
Its uses In poetry are almost infinite,
and one modern w liter makes almost a
line of It alone:
W'bv do the nlcht w lints slirh,
Tlw sea blnlB wildly cry,
The paniiaer clouds iuifh by,
Tlio lilies droop mid die,
The IIkIU radii from tins skj 7
Why-oh, why 7
To most or the whys there is not a
enod because. The Inquiring mind Ifl
ptlzzud to nccouat tor ninny tilings
besides Its own existence. Hundreds
of such questions occur to us at every
step, and no aINfaclory reply can be '
expected, l.lfe Is too shott. Socrates
was always sayliiK "Wlij," and we'
have all heard of the man who called1
Tope the "little (irooked (IiIiik that
asked quest ions."--Exchange.
The Man Who Told the Tale.
It happened oa a Pullman ear be
tween New York and Chicago. 1 Manor
having been finished, the gentlemen
asseu.lilid In the smoking toxin to en
joy their dgar.
"During the time I was hi the war."
said the cjiilet mail, "I saw a very
wonderful thing in the line of surgical
operation". A friend of mine was ho
through the right hro.i-t, the b.iiie!
pissing char through him. 'I lie pies
i lice of mind of his companion uu
doilbledly saved his life, lie wrapped
his haudkei'i hief around the r.uuroil of
his gun ami, pushing It through the
path made by the bullet, t'eaicd the
wound of all poisonous lead. I know
It Is hard to believe, bat. gentlemen,
the maa Mill lives to tell the tale."
"Which man':" Inquired the slim pas
sci.gcr on the oilier seal f.uielly.
"The woi'iu'td one, of coarse," ex
claimed the old soldier seo.afully.
"Oh, I heg your pardon. I thought It
might be the oilier."
The M.-.nin For Shopping.
One ph..M- of liie leniln e mania for '
Stopping is Illustrated in John Poster
Pra-cr's "Amerii .; at Work. Speaking
of the P. . D. method of shopping ami
of the way in which It appeals to the
woman with the slender parse, he.
says:
"If she has no dollars, that does not j
deprive her of the pleasure o shop
ping. She will walk Into a big store,
look over a dozen gowns and try oa
several before deciding. Then she will
gel a ('. (). D. card and. visiting ojher '
depiirtaieals, will buy a bat, rich an- (
derwenr and a parasol. She will give1
a tine order. When the goods are de
livered at the address she mentioned, i
It Is found there Is no such person as I
Mrs. Walker. True, she has put the j
store to a lot of trouble. Yet think of
the morning of womanly delight she
has had In her shopping." '
The night I-'lacc.
A iligiil!! d elderly gentleman riding
on a train was annoyed by a boy sit
ting acr iss the aisle. 'I he boy had Just
finished his breakfast and was amus
ing himself by laughing at the old
gentleman. Presently the latter lean
ed over and said to the boy's mother:
"Madam, that child should be spank
ed." "I know it." said she, "but I don't
believe hi spanking a child oa a full
stomach."
".Neither do I," said he. "Tuin him
over."
Appropriate.
The Monument Man ("aflcr several
abortive suggestions!-How would sim
ply "ti'oue home" do'' Mrs. New weeds
I guess that nm i be all right It
was always the lat place he ever
thought of going.-Pud:.
Winning Her Attention.
"My wife never pays any attention to
what 1 say."
"Mine docs sometimes."
"How do yoa manage II V"
"I talk in my sleep." Loudon Opla
lou.
Got Whet He LiUtd.
Host Why on earth did you put pom
Jenkins between two such chatter
boxes at the table': Hostess-Why.
dear, yoa know he Is so fond or tongue
sainlvh lies!
Chiefly the mold or a man's fortune
Js in Ids own hands.-I'acon.
A Singer's Avarice.
We hear a great deal about the enor
mous salaries paid to famous prima
donnas nowadays, and we also hear a
great deal nbout their charity and good
nature. In the reign of Queen Anne
one of the most celebrated singers was
Mrs. Tofts, who had a veritable craze
for money making as well as a great
deal of personal conceit. Pope, who
never spared any persons or objects
that he satirized, wrote aa epigram
(,nt ,mist jinvo .jreatly
avaricious singer:
annoyed the
So hrlKht Is tl
benuty, ho charming thy
Hontr.
Ah bad drawn both
the boa.its and l heir
Orpheus nlong.
Hut such Is thy nvnrlco find such Is thy
pildo
That the benets must have starved mid
tho poet have died.
London Standard.
He Was a Judge.
One of the consuls to Persia during
a visit home said at a dinner ia Chi
cago: "Lady Druiniaoiid Wolff e once got
permission to visit the late shah's
harem. She took a friend with her
who was about to be married. The
two Englishwomen wandered over the
palace, and presently the shah encoun
tered them.
"'Come here,' ho said to Miss Ulaiik
in Ills crude French.
'"You are about to he married?' lie
said.
" 'Yes, your highness.'
'"It's lute!' "-Uoston Post.
Tl-o Story of Starlight.
"Once Hi. re was a group of i ports
men who wire r.'l quite broke." said a
Joi'ky clab ollhh.l "They must, how
ever, get ia to the races, mill one at a
time they ptcscatcd themselves at the
paddock gate.
"'I am the owner of Starlight." the
first said lie was well d.or.'od and
Imposing They b. lieved and passed
him la
"'1 am Starlight'" trainer.' said the
second. His ted face ami bluff milli
ner bore out his story, ami they ad
mitted him.
"The third maa. small and thla,
next appealed.
"Starlight's jockey.' he said shortly
and hurried thiough the gale.
"The fourth and last ivm cf the
group was very shabby b '.ceil.
"'Well, who ate youV tiny .--aid ita
patiently when lie presented himself.
'"I am Sti.i light.' was the meek re
ply." Los Angeles Times.
Navel Orr.nccr.
l'o'-slbly not every one has heard the
anecdote about the dear old mothet
whose son had been promoted to be
first lleutcitai.: in the navy, lie sent
her a box of Hue navel oranges from
Florida and thi. brier note:
Pear M.ill rr-.lnKt a handful of mml
oiaiif-'is MiiniMhliii; Mm will tlud especial
ly cl nice. IH'VoUrfl). JACK.
Spi.diiag of Jail, to some guests at
the hoiKo a lew night, later as they
were enjoying the oranges, she remark
ed. "Just the very lust boy In all the
world, dear, dear Jack. What a splen
did sailor, and every Inch an olliccrl
Hut he never could lcs.ru to spell. Just
think ol' a lleiitiiiaut spelling naval
with aa V and a small 'a. Isn't It
embarrassing to a mother? Still It
sounds all the same when yoa speak
lt."-Ncw York Press
Whistler's Odd Ways,
land Kcdesdiile once gave a descrip
tion or Whistler's methods to a meet
ing In London In si.pport of a memo
rial to the great artist, lie was paint
ing, he said, a portrait or a lady,
Whistler took up his position at om
cad of the room with his sltier ami tin
canvas at the olhcr wml. For a hint
time he stood looking at his model,
holding in his hand a huge brush full
of color, such a brash as a man would
use lo whilev.ash a house. 1 hen he
rushed forward and smashed the bra ;h
full of i ol ir Into the canvas. Then he
ran back, and for:y or fifty times lie
repealed this. At the end of that
time there stood oat on the canvas a
space which exactly Indicated the fig
ure, the form end the expression of
the sitter. There was a pathetic story
attaching to the picture. The bailiffs
were In the house when the picture
was finished That was quite a com
mon occurrence, and Whistler only
laughed, but he went round his studio
with a knife and deliberately destroyed
all his canvases. Including this picture,
which was to have been Ids (Lord
Itcdesdale's).-Dundee Advertiser.
The GciUle Rebuff.
"Immeasurable aie the rebuffs that
the helpers of the poor, the seekers
aflcr charily lor their suflerlug broth
ers undergo." said a Now York charity
organization ollh lal. "A friend of
mine, a Melhodlsi minister In a small
western town, told i e the oilier day
of his last rebuii', a not unkind one.
Filtering the olllce of the local weekly,
the inliii-iter said lo the editor
"'I am soliciting aid for a gentleman
of refinement and Intelligence who is
In dire need of a little ready money,
but who Is far loo pioiid a man tc
make his sufferings known.'
"'Why,' exclaimed the editor, push
lug up his eyeshade, 'I'm the only chap
la the village who answers that de
scription. What's this gentleman's
name?"
'"I legrct.' said the minister, 'that 1
am not at liberty to disclose It.'
'"Why, It must be me,' said the ed
itor. 'It Is mo. It's me. sure. Heaven
prosper you, parson, hi your good
work.' "
An Unburied Picture.
Uossetll secured permission hi Ifififl
to reopen the eollin of his wife In order
to secure the manuserlpls of some
poems which he had burled wllb her
seven years before.
Some such Incident might have oc
curred la connection with J. M. W.
Turner If his desire to l.e burled wrap
ped up in his own painting or "Car
thage" had been carried out. There
was some difficulty lu selling the paint
ing, and the artist kept the canvas by
him. IIu always said he would be
wrapped In It when he was burled and
even went so far as to ask Chaalrey If
as his eeculor he would fulfill his.
wishes on that po'nt.
"No doubt," answered the sculptor.
"I shall bury you rolled up hi your pic
ture If it Is one of the conditions of
your will, but 1 would take yoa up
next day and unroll you!"
The Master's Title.
Professor Key when head master of
a large London school was one of the
most genial gentlemen that ever filled
that position, lie was fond of encour
aging fun la his hoys and was not un
willing to recount occasionally during
class time when anything prompted It
the manners and customs of countries
ho had visited. On one occasion lie
was telling his class about Spain and
Mild.
"Do you l.ti iw, hoys, that when
J.
man attains to en liieuce there he
i.ot called 'sir,' but Is given Hie tltta-
of 'doa:'"
One of the boys here called out:
'"I'll! a. I suppose, sir, they woiUtfe'
call you Doa Key?"
The gravity of the class vvaa ion?;-
plete'y up el for the remainder of the-.'
r.flc. noon -Strand Magazine.
Price of His Treason.
Benedict Arnold died In London Jam
II. 1HI1. Ills lire after his treason wai
a most unhappy one. He was avoid v
by men of hone, ami on many eccs
sums deliberately insulted lie rv
iclved a considerable sum of moire.?
from the P.ntish government and uutd'.v
several unsuccessful attempts to -.j
gage la business la Hiitlsh Amerlct
and Hie West Indies ami finally re
turned to London, whero he died it
obscurity. His second son, hoi n Un
I7S0, entered the Urltlsh army la 17J8,.
set veil with credit la many purtH o-I
the world and three years before him
death In 1S.M was made a llciitctutn'J
general. -Household Companion.
Running No Risk.
"What." asks the maiden anal, "go
lug to marry that Mr. NevvvvunV Why.
you hardly know the man, liuogcc'jr
In Hie few days you have been J.e
qualuted with him you cannot (hu;H)1-'
have l".trucd anything of his lamlly oa
antecedents or habits or personal cl:v
cuinstances."
"That Is true, Aunt Keturab. Itu.
you hive always told me that no wit
an who knows anything about a iiium
will marry him." Success Magazine.
A Definition.
"Paw." asl.td a thoughtful lad, wrlr
kllag his brow. " what's a pessimist V"
"A pessimist. John .1.," replied his
rather, "Is a man who. after a oycUmu
lias blown his house away with him I; .
it, goes back and grumbles at his lot.'
- Puck.
' The Chargec.
Ford -Your lawyer made some very-
severe charges against the dcfouduivr..
i didn't lie? Hrow ii Ye-e-c-e-s, hut yaw
l ought to no how he charged uw'
Liverpool Mercury.
Croat minds are wills; others. onlr.
wishes.- Herman Proverb
Her Hidden Ambition.
There Is an Instance, rare In the pro
fession, of a musician who had litth.
enthusiasui for her calling. ust tun
Fanny Kemble, the actress, was by tu
means enamored or the stage itmtt
would have quit it had not elrcum
stances bound her there. A brilliaii':
young violinist, a native of Ilollaiuf..
played one day for Edward VII. vrtvi
he was the Prince of Wales.
"is there anything you care moie tu
than your SlradlvarlusV" nskiil ttu
prlncc, expecting, of course, a negative
leply.
The young Netherlander colored a lit
tie. "The violin Is not aa absoibiav.
passion with me, your highness." lw
ri piled.
"Ah! P i haps you have a leaning tc
another branch of art?" suggested Hit
pi line.
"Indeed, I have not!" the violl'ibu.
said In a burst of confidence. "Hut-.,
your highness, I Just love to cook! E
u ally believe I should make an excel
lent dn f ir 1 had the opportunity tw
practice." New York Tilbuae.
A "Finr Old Woman."
During the evening a gentleman
came to Mi. Slddons and said, "Mad
am. I beg your pardon Tor asking s
Hide a question, but In consequence of
a v.agir allow me to ask your age."
She replied, "Seventy-eight yeurw
old."
"Hang It." said he, "1 have lost'
Ami he abruptly went away.
Mrs. Slddoas Immediately said, "Pat-
ly.
"Very true." I observed, "but whj.
did you tell him you were so old?"
She replied. "Whenever a lady of urrr
uncertain age, as It Is termed, is asked
how old she Is she hud better add W(v
or more years to her age, for then the
inquirer goes away saying, 'What u
line old woman!' ""Journals of Sir
Ueorge Smart."
Foresight and Delicatessen.
In Chicago Is a woman who com
blues the functions of caterer aniE
trance medium, serving her customer--with
refreshment psychical or phy.
leal, according to their wishes.
Either she or the sign painter whofti
she employed must be a humorist, fw
her sign reads thus:
"Madame I.lank, caterer and trance--medium.
Hrocorlcs and Previsions,"
Guaranteed Ghosts.
"No Intelligent person pays any n
teiitlon to ghosts," said the dogmatic
person.
"Perhaps not," answered Miss Cay
enne, "unless the ghost has been ah?'.
to secure an Introduction from some.
psychic research society." Washing- .
ton Star.
Church-Did you ever try any of
these "close to nature" methods'.
Gotham Well, I've used a porov
plaster! -Yonkers Statesman.