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Jewelers and Optometrists.
Got Into the Pulpit.
A Ma-Mhon uvunue pastor who likes
to be first in the eyes, ears and henrta
of hi- congregation had occasion to
ills, iiss seriously with his curate ons
of that young intin'ti "habits." ,
'There have been complaints," said
the pastor severely, "that you talk too
imi'-h. Not gossip, understand oh, no, (
nothing of that sort but tvrtniu pn
rlsliioni'rs havo found you loquacious;
long windeil, one might say. At a
chi'Nteuiug, at a wedding, al a funeral
or at any little meeting over wliieit
you may be called to preside you lull:
much more than is necessary. That
may in time become a serious fault.
There are certain prescribed Conns for
those occasions, you know. Now, If
you would only keep your discourse
down to the proper length"--The
curate braced himself for tight.
"I could keep myself down," he In
terrupted, "If I was allowed to talk n
little some place else. The trouble Is
I'm seething with a certain amount of
talk that I've got to get rid of. If 1
was allowed to preach a regular ser
mon mice in awhile that might relieve1
the strain, but as I am denied that out-!
let I have to seine nil tlio.se other op-'
port mil tics and deliver little sermons
then. The only way to keep a curate
or anybody else from talking too much
when he shouldn't talk Is to let him
talk some when he has a right to talk." ,
"Dear me!" said the pastor mildly. I
The next Sunday evening the curate
occupied the pulpit.--New York Sun. i
"n oviiioiiinlion fi.r tile oeCU-'e n
doctor of philosophy In thu German
universities will be sutllciently Illus
trated by giving in brief the require
ments in the University of .lenu. The
candtdato after gaining permission to
enler for the degree presents a short
sketch of his life in Latin or Herman, a
matiirily certificate, evidence of at
least three years of academical study,
evidence Hint he has enjoyed a good
reputation up to the present time, an
original scientific treatise In Herman
in his own handwriting and a written
declaration on word of honor and oath
that the thesis is the candidate's own
composition. The payment of 12 10 murks
is required. In the oral examination
the subject of chief Importance Is that
of which the thesis treats, while tho
candidate Is allowed to select two mi
nor subjects. After this examination
and tlio distribution of 'JSO copies of
the thesis to the faculty tho degree Is
conferred. School Bulletin.
J
F-'
9inx. ss
WE be; lost grae o.isly lo thank
you for th a -our twelfth and best
Christmas. The peo le appreciated
e fact f v we ha assembled the
most corn He line of holiday goods
eer show i in Red Cloud, and pa"
ronized us accordingly. We appre
ciate it. Wishing you all a happy
and prosperous New Year, and ask
ing you to call again, we are
Very Truly Yours,
vAv A
Dislocation.
A superintendent In the elementary
schools of New York city was making
ills dreaded rounds among the te.iehei'i
of a girls' school. He suddenly opened
the door of one class room and asked
the teacher in cliarge:
"What are you doing In nature
study':"
She hurried out of the room and
fetched out a basket of hones.
"We are taking up the vertebrates."
she remarked.
"Very good, Indeed." said the superin
tendent, and lie hurried out pleased
with tills evidence of Industry and in
terest in school work.
Half an hour later he appeared In u
neighboring room and, taking a com
prehensive glance, lemarked, "What
have you done in nature study?"
She, too, from somewhere fetched out
a basket of bones.
"It seems lo me that 1 have seen thl.s
basket of bones in another room be
fore," ventured the superintendent.
"Sir," she indignantly replied, "these
are my own bones!"-Xew York Times.
A Talo of Two Parrots.
An old maid iiad a parrot whose fa
vorite expression was, "I wMi the old
woman was dead."
This worried her n great deal, and
one day when the minister called she
spoke to him about It. He said he had
a parrot which only said religious
things and that he would bring It over
some time and see if it would not
break her bird from using its favorite
expression.
So one night they were going lo havo
a mooting In her house, and he gather
ed up his parrot and look It with him.
When he went In ho hung his cage up
near where the old maid's was hang
ing. The meeting was being opened
witli prayer, and all of a sudden her
parrot said:
"I wish the old woman was dead."
The minister's parrot cocked his head
and, looking at tho other parrot, In a
solemn video said:
"We beseech thee to hear us, good
Lord." Judge's Library.
lib Ar.-... . i
"To think." said the visitor, "that
you v 111 have to go through life an ox
eon v let!"
"Well, miss," replied Crowbar Claude,
"to tell you the truth, Just at present
there ain't nothing I'd llko moro to bo."
Kxehaugo.
BROTH
C, B. & Q.
- - n,
Breaking tho News.
The matrimonial failure of Pat. a
barteuler in the center of the city, has
been common knowledge for sonic
time, and it lias also been no secret
that Put really does not blame hii
wlfe for her Impatience with his hah
its. Pat Is in dead earnest when lie
says that his wife really Is too good
for him and deserves a divorce, which
the self abasing Pal would gladly
grant her If II wasn't so expensive.
The good faith of Pat in this respect
was, however, never more forcibly II
lustrated than during the severe at
tail; of pneumonia from whll-h lie has
just recovered. "Pat, the doctors say
you are very sick." said his wife dur
ing her visit to the hospital ouo day.
"What do they really say? You can't
hurt mo by telling the truth," auswci
ed Pat. "Well. Pat. they say thai you
cannot live," whispered tho wife, final
ly yielding to Pat's Insistent demand
for the truth. "Don't you believe it.
Doctors make a liahit of holding out
hopes to the last." diawled Pat hi his
wearisome sl.lo. "They are only
breaking the news to you gently. I
am going to got well." Philadelphia
Record.
Tolltalo Bibles.
A dealer In secondhand books adver
tised the other day for old Hlblos be
longing to three families thai have
lately come Into prominence.
"Do they want them as heirlooms?"
asked a customer who had read the ad-vertls-einent.
"Not a lilt of It." said the dealer.
"They want tho Hlblos because they
contain a record of births; consequent
ly they reveal ages -women's ages, pre
sumably. Very often dealers In old
hooks are asked to look up Inconven
ient documentary evidence of that kind.
Kefore days of allliience the family Hl
blos got lost In the shullle of moving
around. Nobody thought much about
tho loss then, but with tho advent of
prosperity tlio hooks could easily be
come a source of inoitllicatlon to many
women If they happened to fall Into
tlio hands of malicious persons; henco
tho frantic attempts to gather all such
records Into tho family." Now York
Post.
The man who is driven to drink by
bad luck would probably have been
mined by prosperity. Chicago Itccord-Herald.
1
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BRS
Watch Repairers
.rnvv.-A
Dogberry's Poetry.
Hiving evidence at .Marylelione. a
young constable said he found a dag
ger on a man he had arrested. "A
what?" Mr. Plowdon asked as the eon
dlnblo held the weapon up to view.
"Why call It a dagger? It has not the
slightest resein bianco to one." "Well,"
faltered the constable, "a sheath knife."
Mr. Plowdcu returned: "Yes. Now, try
In future to be less picturesque In your
descriptions. You cannot be too mat
ter of fact In tho witness box. I dare
say you have leanings toward poetry
In your nature, but you must stlile
them In the witness box." London
Standard.
Ingenious.
"Now," said Mrs. Homhirt, "If yon
do a little work for me, I'll give you u
good meal after awhile."
"Say, lady," replied Hungry Hawiuvj,
"you'll git oil' cheaper If yer gimme
do meal now. Work always gives me
a tierce appetite." Kxehange.
Not His Fault
The Vicar I was surprised to sou
your husband walk out In the middle
of my sermon last Sunday. Mrs. .lone?
You must really forgive him. lie's a
.'omnanibiilist und walks In his sleep,
you know. Loudon Opinion.
Por words nre wise men's counters
1liey do but reckon by them but they
ire the money of fools. Hobbos.
A' Crunl Inscription.
A tombstone unearthed during the
demolition of the old churchyard of
Radnorshire bore a curiously unloving
"In Meiiioriain." Hero It Is:
1 plant tlii'so shrub!) upon your grave,
dear wife,
That Honicthlui: on this Hpot may boast
of life.
Shrubs muy wither and all earth must
rot;
SlirubH may rovlvo, but you, thank
heaven, will not.
The Cheaper Way.
"Do you know, hubby, that when I
go to Ostetid I shall dream of you
every night?"
"If It's all the saine to you, I would
prefer to have you stay with mo and
(rV'nin of Ostoml."- Fllegendu Hlatter.
Why Ho Looked,
nojuck Why are yon consulting tho
dictionary? I I bought you knew how
to spell. Toindlk 1 do. I am not look
In for Information, but for corrobora
tion. London Tit-Hits.
INDIGTMEN1S ARE QUASHED
Lend Fraud Cases Will Dc Carried to
Supreme Court of United States.
lienor, 1J r. .' In llii United
Scales dibiii't in, ut lii'M! .Indue It.
K. Lewis granted llie motion to qupflh
(lu hull Uncut .ituitisl 1-2. M. ll'r.KH,
president, and (.'mules I). Mcl'heo
and .1. .1 .ti lilmiily, dluror ol tlio
Now Mexico Lutrhor cuinpafiy, and
Chillies II. Kiociunn and W. W. Nossa
until (if Usirango, chatglng them with
couspliacy Id deltaud the j;overiinii;iit
oT (intlii't land In Atchtilet comity,
Colouido.
The oi.h-i in (iiasli waa based upon
tlu- ;i (i ml il Hint no iilnie nudor tho
iedfihl statutt a was shown. Thu
touvl also ()iuihril lor tlio sumo ton
son th' tnd.iMients iiKahiHt A. T. Snl
lonbetgir, (.resident of tlio Pngoau
Lumber lonipnny, und ottictu In con
nt'i-lluu with the uu'i atltiti of that
ccinimuy.
The urcltdon of .Midge Lewis In
biintd. no to the main point In (ho
cam.', upon thu ground IliaL tlio In
illitnuiHb ihiiige no tninpcilng with
or agm nutit with 'Utrymon prior to
the application or tin iiitryiuan fofr
tfttidH.
Judge Lewis Intimated Hint tho In
dtrtiiU'iitH In the coal luiM ouhoii round
l.y the Kin".: J'try Inst i.tiniiiici would
bIho bo qua'-hed.
Tlii' a. - will be carried by tlio
po eminent lo I lie supioitio court of
tlio United Stales.
DISTRUST OF SIlAil SHOWN
Persian Ruler Has Not Succeeded In
Convincing Subjects.
Teheran. Dec. i.,i".--TwcntyfolU,
horns' lellectlon seeinu to have con
vinced that iniLluii o tlio Persian pule
lie which la vols tao constitutionalism
that 11 Is bitter to Keep their powdor
dry until the shahs pioinlses of re
lorin mo convened Into netH. The tit
Ui luck ot i-oiillduiiio wits evidenced
in Iho ha;:;wiis, wiicio tlio h1io.s that
Wf'io leopuiied had their shuttois up
' again.
j Small armed crowdtt uro roassem
i bling In tlu public squares, hut up to
: the prt'seni tiino there bun been no
' nt,'f-rihlou. one ol' tlio chief Icsul ad
, vigors of parlianu ;it was hhot at by
homo soldiers, but he was not hurt.
K Dowlob, who, in accordance with
the "shah'ti lunan oath," was banished
and ordered to leave. Tehoiiin, refused
to go and took rctiiKO at Iho I Mitch
location. Naslr III MulU, the fornioi"
premier, who was exiled recently, luft
Ktizeli for ICiuopc.
BAD HEARISKILU8.509 IH YEAR.
Returns from Seventeen Cities Show
Increase Over Figures of 1906.
Chicago, Dec. itf. Tho pace that
kills is nut confined to Chicago and
New Wk. Fioni widely separated
cities como n polls ol an increauod
number ot iluillis duo to heait disease.
Stati.sUcs lroiu seventeen cities, cov
ering practically too out it o United
Slates, show that in lUUti the number
of victims ot lu ait discitbt) was 1G,
li;:t. Intimating the tntallties from
this (iiiihu lor tho last ten days of
10((7, the llguies this year will reach
the alarming total of IS.obi) an In
crease of u.aiii In the cities lrum
which figures have been obtained.
UtuUti department olllclals and
physicians generally iishui that noth
ing but a letup in tho "steam pres
sure" of Anieilian life will prevent
constant inciease of tho peril which
bezels tho American nation.
cain getslifTiiprisonmeht
Sentence Imposed Upon Slayer of
Wealthy Iowa Mine Owner.
Dos Mol nosi, Dec 13. J. C. Cain,
convicted ol milt dei lug C. 11. Morris,
u wealthy initio owner, because the
latter attempted to drive him out of
fii illegal liquor business at one of
his mining tamps, was sentenced to
life Imprisonment at I'ott Madison.
"My life has buui sworn nwtiv." do
dared Cain to tho court alter sou
Unco had Ik on imposed. "I had no
chance acalnst the array of witnesses
who eaied nothing for tho truth and
only to get me In state's prison."
Iowa Has a Rate Problem.
Dos .Monies, Dec. 25. The Iowa rail
way commission has bt;on asked to
solvo a now problem In express
charges, It coming from 12. II. Mai tin
ol Webster City It Is, "Can an ox
press company ehargo the minimum
on each of two packagos sent on tlio
same bill at the same time to one per
son, or should tho two packages ho
considered ono consignment and tho
regular rate charged?" Tho minimum
charge on each package wns jjAj" to
Mr. Martin mid brought thigBtO.
If it had been one consJJnotli
would have cost b0
Morphine Fatal to Children.
Marshulltown. la.. Dc-. 25 A boy
of four and a girl of three years of
ago, son and (laugher of Mr. and
Mrs Weiulall Stall, living near Grifiti
Mountain, climbed up to the top shelf
of the pantry and secured a quantity
of morphine pills The boy Is detail
and the cirl Is not exuectod to live.
