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inri ..blTTv,HIVVH
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3 m&'mS'wsim
A Real Cultured Ladv.
Clerk-"Nou this, ma'am. Is the
most popular bcok of (lit- day; every
tody is rending It."
Mrs. Kurltch "I don't wimt notliln'
that everybody roads. Show income
thin' moro exclusive." Philadelphia
I'ffPS.
Her View of It.
"Don't you l;nov thnt you should
never let a mini kiss you?" "Hut.
mamma, it seems so f( rwnrd for a
girl to do tlio kissing."
ACCOMMODATING.
'fJJ -l--- n niiifr Ti n f ffihrrTnliQJIciIZZ IjMBKiy
Red Headed Suitor 1 would die
-Miss Swiclleigli- How lovely of y
In These Days.
Suitor (proudly)' ! think, sir. Hint
I can support your uaughter In tln
same sljle in which Mic has been
accustomed."
I'at1 - Th.:t won't do. young
man. You mus-t suppoit her In the
stylo to which she bar! been unaccus
tomed." Detroit Free Press.
Really Mysterious.
"I wonder if there is really as much
mystery about those secret orders as
some pcoplo claim?" asked the origl:
nator of fool questions.
"In connection with an order of
hash," answered tho bald-headed
boarder, "I'm afraid there Is moro
than they claim."
Hint for Others.
Mojc "Miss Screechcr is quite
popular as an amateur vocalist."
Knox Hut they tell me her voice
Is something fierce."
Blox So It Is; but her popularity
Is duo to tho fact that she retimes to
f-lng for her friends when they ask
her.
A Good Sign.
"Yes, we're going to be married."
"Have you proposed?"
"No, not yet."
"Then how do you know she'll have
you?"
"Why, she's been encouraging me to
save money Instead of buying (lowers
and theator tickets."
Gpeaking of Relatives.
"Yes." said the passenger with tho
fresh mourning band on his left arm,
It's hard to lose one's relatives."
'I suppose so," rejoined the sad
eyed man across the nlsle, "hut when
It comes to losing one's wife's rela
tives well, It's simply Impossible."
A Wary Wife.
Mrs. (Jrcene "I hope you trust your
husband Implicitly?"
Mrs. Brown "Oh, yes. indeed; but
I wouldn't have him know It for the
world. If he was aware of my perfect
trust In him he might bo tempted to
take advantage of It, you know."
In Chicago.
"There doesn't seem to bo much of
a dtninnd tor (-cats," said the self-con-fessed
stnr, as ho glanced at the fig
tires representing the advance sale.
A "No," sighed tho manager, as lie
r'anced at a handle of d. h. applica
tions, "nothing hut requests."
An Option and a Refusal.
Towne Tho last time I saw Nervey
he was going to propose to Miss Box
ley, and he behaved as If be actually
had an option on her fortune."
Browne Oh, all that has been
changed. He got tho refusal of it
fclnce then.
Similar Qualifications.
"You say you have a brother resid
ing In Canada?"
"Yes, ho used to do some wonder
ful balancing feats wnen ho was In
New York."
"Acrobat or bank cashier?"
Just a Beginning.
"For goodness sake!" exclaimed tho
first Chicago girl, "why havo you de
cided to marry Mr. Mugley?"
"Why," remarked the other, "he'll
do for a starter, won't he?"
What Did She Mean.
Patience Did he leave early
last
evening?
Patrice Yes.
"And did ho sny he was going
to
kiss you when ho left?"
"He did. and I told him the sooner
he left tho belter."
To Get Desired Results.
Fuslonlct I bellevo In the ofllco
seeking the man.
Regular That's all right If ou
don't want the office.
for you.
ou! Make It brown I
No Poetry In His Soul.
"Oh. Bertie! How superlatively still,
clear and beautiful is the night!" sho
whispered, leaning her linely-vcined
temple against his coat collar; "how
soothing, how restful!"
"Yes," he replied, toying with her
chestnut aureolo of hair; "what a
night to shoot cats!"
Ahead of the Game.
"They may nbuso Wall street all
they please," stMd the Philadelphia
man, "but I camo out $700 ahead tho
last time I was there."
"How did ou do It?" asked his
friend.
"Left the money at home," replied
tho wise Quaker.
His Inference.
"Have you ever known anyone," sho
asked, "who was actually killed by
happiness?"
"Well," replied the crusty old bache
lor, "I can't say positively as to that,
but I did know a chap once who was
found dead on his mother-in-law's
grave."
Easily Satisfied.
He "I would bo willing to go
around the world for jour sake."
She "Oh, It Isn't necessary to do
thnt. If you'll go half way around and
stop I'll bo satisfied."
HE WAS
IPNaMMMMafldKiSKMBMVWMvMMHMliMHSHMniiiMH-l.
Mrs. Knowitt What did your husband give you ou your birthday?
Mrs. Coyne A book.
Mrs. Knowitt A book! What kind of a book?
Mrs. Coyne His check book.
Surprise for His College Boy.
Mr. Meddergriiss Who yer sendln'
the sheep to, Bill?
Mr. Ragweed Why, my son Zeb's
up lo college tryin' fur a sheepskin,
he says, and I'm goln' ter surprlso
him with a hull critter.
The Explanation.
"He Is one of tlio nouvcaux riches."
"Is ho? I thought ho was a Euro
pean nobleman of a very old family."
"That's it didn't have a cent, until
he got married." Judge. ,
Proper Heading.
Strlngem Thnt was n shocking af
fair over In Covington last night,
wasn't It?
Kasyun Don't know. What was It?
Strlngem Woman Knocked inscn
slble by nn electric wiro.
Easyun Why, 1 didn't seo any ac
count of It In tho papers.
Strlngem You'll find It under tho
head of "Current Items." Cincinnati
Enquirer.
His Effort.
Strutter What did you think of my
impersonation of Hamlet?
Foyer Ah aeuulno a plcco of real
ism as ever I saw.
Strutter You Hatter inc; you sure
ly cannot he in earnest?
Foyer Never more earnest In all
my life. Tho fact thnt you were try
ing to net shone forth in your every
word and every movement.
Caught In the Act.
Old Mrs. Chnllle entered the parlor
unexpectedly mid spoiled a very pret
ty tableau.
"1 was Just whispering a secret In
Cousin .lennlo's ear," explained
Charlie
"I'm sorry, Charles," said tho old
lady, gravely, "thnt your eyesight has
become so bad that you mistake Jen
nio'H inoit'h for her ear."
Difference of Opinion.
Miss Kldorlelgh But Just think ot
the many opportunities a woman now
hns to become fnmous to ninko n
name for herself, as It were.
Mrs. Divorcee Yes, that's nil very
true, but after a woman hns had flvo
or six husbands In as many yenrs
this thing ol making n nnmo for her
self begins to grow monotonous.
His Money's Worth.
"So your husband gets up early In
the morning now? What made him
chnnge his usual custom?" asked
Mrs. Jinks.
"Well," replied Mrs. Jinks, "ho took
a course of 'How to run a furnace,' In
ono of these correspondence schools,
and he wants to see If he has been
cheated."
Setting Him Right.
"So you want to bo my son-in-law,
do you?" asked the stern parent with
as much fierceness as he could gen
erate. "Can't say that I do," replied tho
truthful young man. "But I want to
marry your daughter and I suppose
there's no way to dodgo tho issue."
A Bargain Hunter.
"You wnnt to engago my services,
you say?" asked tho lawyer, rubbing
his hands together.
"Yes," replied the veiled woman.
"About how much would you llko to
pay for advice?"
"How much is it a yard?" Inquired
tho woman absent-mindedly.
Suspicious.
"Why are you leaving?" asked 'the
star boarder.
"I'm afraid tho landlady has de
signs on me thinks she's going to got
mo to marry her daughter or some
thing. At dinner last night sho gavo
mo tho tenderloin instead of the
tough end of tho steak."
WISE.
Merely a Hint.
"Will you," asked the leap-year
maid.
"Have a hot soda or a ulc.u lemon
ade?" Tho young man blushed a rosy red
"I er prefer a pop," he said.
Not a Lover of Parrots.
"John, what Is the best thing to
feed a parrot on?" nskod an elderly
Indy of her bachelor brother, who
hated parrots,
"Arsenic." gvuflly answered Johu.
srvrr.ss is
TIicio'h it iig fur tlif mull who It
lucky did bold
I'tir Hit' iiiiiti whn Iihk fiilc mi lih
ulilo:
Tlicrc nr ('hrM for tlir loll that tt
Jltifillmr Hie itolil
Ami hit ilrlltlin: iiIoiik with the tide.
Hut the nmn whn Ik si riving In Kit In
lln Imiil
And farlnu tin- hnnjjry wiixo's eiiM.
i- iiihi uwrliiuli. fur we iliui'l under
Mtllllll
Tlic fi'llnw Hint's ilnliii; till best.
Kilt lie lit i m hli ti'wiwtl wlicii tho Mory
In limit'.
TltOIIKll Wl' Xllllll' UK III' (iUhIh on till
w ii l .
Tor III") own M'lf-eMu'lil Is tlic prim Iin
ll.to Willi,
Ai (ilivrtirrl) hi' Monti III I lie flliy.
A'nl lir KIHIW!" tin' iinYi'llim of Imuic nml
of riU'iiii"
i il llii' pinnule of hiitii'xl-i'iirtinl ri'it;
'I'lii re nit- in'iiif nml kooiI Will, 111 till!
lwllli;lit ilt'Ki'i'iiilx,
I'tir llii' ftlliiw' Unit's lining h's lio.M
WitsliliiKtiiti Hlur.
r c m- M " i"i
A REPORTER'S GOOD FORTUNE
lljr llltl.l AI'sTIN IIAKTI.i:V
Vopyrightttl ifoj, ly Tl.t Antion frMUMng Company
I was kneeling on a carpet of forest
leaves, diopplng twenty-dollar gold
pieces into my hut. as an olllcer of the
law checked them olT. While In the
midst of this unusual occupation I
heard a slight rustle at iu side, and.
looking up, beheld Rollin Pcir.beiton
gazing down at inc. I hnd not seen
him for the years, mid at p.iiling our
relations were not cordial, but he ad
dressed me In a tone of olce which
Indicated that whatever ill feeling he
may hnvc borne me had ilisnppcnicd
in tlio lapse of time. I returned his
salutation and went on dropping gold
Into my hat, followed by other metals,
nuu imiiT currency in iin- minium in i
five thousand dollars. Then I arose to I
my feet, brushed the leaves lioni my i
clothing ami calmly surveyed ni audi
ence, which consisted' ot a man In
shackles, two officers and Mr. l'cni
button. Fivo years beforo I had left Mr.
remberton's presence after a rather
stormy Interview, In which his daugh
ter Maude and myself were principally
Interested. I hud sought his consent.
to our marriage. He stormed and
raged until I feared that be would
topple over from heart failure. "You
are too young to think of such a thing
as marriage!" he exclaimed, "it is
preposterous! (Jo away and stay fivo
years. You are both mere children!"
Well, I went away after an under-'
standing with Maude. We were to ro
main faithful though the heavens fell.
We naif way admitted, however, that
the old gentleman was right.
I Joined the staff of a progressive
city daily, and in tho course of timo
reached a place where I could count
on good assignments, requiring pene
tration hnd perseverance. One night
a brief'telegram came In from a town
fifty miles away. It was from a friend
of tho paper, and snld: "Send n man
to Bowllngton at once. Good story
for right man. Sensational!"
Aji hour later I was on my way to
Eonflington by rail, and by daylight I
wnii nt the city prison, the most likely
place, I thought, to pick up the scent
of tho story I was after. Just as I
arrived two officers were In tho act
of bundling a man in Irons into nn ex
press wngon. After a few guarded
inquiries I learned that an old gentle
man had been robbed of five thousand
dollars the night before In tho prin
cipal hotel of the town, and that two
suspects had been arrested ten miles
away and brought back. They had
nothing on their persons to fasten the
crime on them, but, nevertheless, they
were -thrust into prison at the county
seat. Finally, ono of thorn weakened
and offered to conduct the officers to
tho place where tho money was se
creted. This they were on tho point
ot doing when I arrived. I managed
to Join tho party with the expectation
that I would get back In tlmo to
gather the town end of tho story nnd
"I ftlt something spongy."
put It on the wlro for the next issuo
of tho paper,
When we reached our destination
It turned out that tho prisoner did
not know exactly where tho tnonoy
was bidden. It was somowhero in a
fifty-acre tract of woodland with a
heavy underground. Tho hiding had
been dono in the darkness of the night
before by the accomplice of the man
with ub. When we reached the top ot
a high bauk on tho edgo ot tho for
est, the accused muu stopped and
said: "I do not know exactly whoro
tho money is. It 1b somewhere In
thlB wood. We entered on this side.
My pal had the money nnd secreted
IL I did not bco where ho placed it,
rirj Ji- -l Vlf
-ajsR&. sju,
onscnirrw
40
but I know that it was left in this
forest." waving bis ,hnnds In no par
ticular direction.
You can tcall'e that this was very
Indcllnltc information. However, wo
stalled out, one ofltccr tind the prls
oiur going In one direction, the sec
ond olllcer took another course ami
I strolled away by myself. 1 had hut
little fall li In tho story of the alleged
penitent prisoner and less hopo ot
locating (lie stolen money. I hud
made up my mind thai the prisoner
was attempting to play u sharp trlclc
seeking an opportunity to escape. 1
picked up a stick as 1 started and
Maude had remained at the roadside
In the carriage.
used it ns a cane for some distance.
I had not gotio n hundred yards he
fore 1 noticed a broken weed with tho
top lying In the direction 1 wns go
ing. A little further along a severed
vine furnished evidence that somo
human being or a lower animal had
"assod along that way shortly beforo.
I followed tho direction of these
signs. A heavy shower had fallen
lato In the night, nnd had obliterated
any evidence of overturned leaves.
1 had not proceeded one-fourth ot
tho dlstnnco through the timber when
I noticed a peculiar looking hump be
side a cluster of bushes. I had beon
Jabbing my stick into hollow logs and
other places likely to he chosen by
the thief. Tho hump which I havo
mentioned did not seem to Invito in
vestigation: the rain had beaten tho
leaves down and they looked as If
they might havo been undisturbed for
a year, but as I passed, I poked at
the little elevation In a mechanical
sort of way. I felt something spongy;
I scraped tho leaves away and thero
lay u canvas bag! I at once called
the other members of the party to
my side boforo I romoved tho hag
from Its hiding place. Then at tho
direction of the officers the bag wns
opened and the money .counted, tho
value of each piece being noted In a
small vest pocket book by one of tho
officers. Tlio full amount of live thou
sand dollars was thero.
This was the money I was dropping
Into my hat, piece by piece, when
Rollin Pemborton came up. 1 did not
know that ho was Interested In tho
matter and had no Idea bow ho came
to bo on the scene that place being
a thousand miles from his home. Tlio
officers took charge of the money nnd
wo turned back toward tho highway.
Mr. Pemhcrton fell In at my side and
we walked away together. "Ralph,"
he said Ralph Walton Is my nnme
after an embarrassing pause, "that
was well done."
"By tho merest accident," I assured
him. "I had no more Idea of finding
Hint money than I have of flying to
Ch!na this moment."
"Well, I feel ea:ler over it, at any,
rate," ho went on. "Thnt was about
the sl.o of my pile of ready money."
Then camo my turn to bo surprised.
"Yours," 1 exclaimed. "How docs
that como about?"
"I am the old party who wns
robbed."
Then camo tho explanation. Mr.
Pemberton and his daughter had
started for a distant part of tho coun
try to purchusc somo property. Ho
bad carried that money with him in
ordor to pay cash. Ho had been tracod
by two robbers and his monoy stolon.
He had hoard of tho attempt to re
cover tho monoy nnd together with
his daughter had followed in u car
riage, Maude had remained at tho
roadside lu tho carriage' which was
druwn uo under un apple tree, while
ffTMIMvWlfttfWMnFfjriW
her father followed us Info the tim
ber. As I drew near tho cnrrlago
walking beside her father, seemingly,
on tho best of terms, Maude looked
nt me, started slightly, while n rosy
blush fiiirrnsed her cheeks. Mr. Pom
beilon Introduced us us It we had
never met before. In a moment ho
considerately stepped to tho horses'
heads to attend to tho bnrness. Mnudo
whispered: "Why, Ralph, what hns
happened to papa? Has ho forgiven
out youth?"
It was a bright May day and tlm fall
ing apple blossoms clustered In
Maude's hair, making a pretty picture,
as she sat there smiling.
1 went hack to town In Mr. Pern
berton's carrlago and sent u good
story to the paper, but tho most Inter
esting events were omitted.
We were married tho next Christ
mns. Mr. Pemlierton Is a grandpa now,
and my wife and I somctlmos listen
as he tells the child ten a story about
a newspaper reporter who could Hnd
lost money better than tho man who
hid It. "I sometimes think bo helped
hide It," he often adds, "to hoodwink
a certain old mnti I know Into the
belief that bo found It and Incldon
tally to get the old man's daughter."
HARE AN ELUSIVE ANIMAL.
Writer Tells of Charm of Hunting
Small Creature.
To my notion, thero Is u peculiar
ehurin about trailing a bare, writes
lCdwyn Hunilys In February Outing. In
ihu first place thero is a superb uncer
tainty about where you will locate tho
beast, If It knows where It Is Itself.
You find a rrcsb track, and If wise,
you follow II In what apparently Is
tho wrong direction, and then well,
you Just, keep on following. Some
where, perhaps only a few yards lo
ono side of where you struck thu
trnck. Is the other end, and, of course,
a hare. You acquire wisdom concern
ing this small technicality later pos
sliily hours later but that does not of
ncccssltw spoil the sport. It may be
the track Is first found in a briery
thicket, which bumpers all tho rising
ground, marking tho edgo of a great
swampy woodland. It Is easy In fact,
almost, loo ensy. Tlio h.'.ro loves
swampy woodland, so, of course, ho
merely has skipped for a trilling die
tnnco along iho rim, ns It were, of tho
depression, then gone down and squat
ted under somo handy log, from
which shelter you will bounco him
within live minutes. Theoretically
this In sound; practically It is a 100 to
1 shot on mi utterly unreliable tip.
Impulse prompts you to slant down
toward tho swamp at once, to Jump
him from somewhere, promptly knock
him over and bo dono with it. This
will snvo useless pottering over fool
ish tracks, and ulso somo valuable
time.
r .o
Skate Sailing.
There is nothing now in tho Idea of
skntc sailing, says Dan Beard, in
Outing'. It is ns old as skates, and
dates back lo tho timo when our an
cestors witli hones of animals bound
to their feet spread their ample cloaks
and allowed tho wind to waft them
over the surface of tho leer '
But since that tlmo tho art ha
progressed, keeping paco with the
evolution of the modern steel skate
from lis rude bono ancestor. Some
time in the '80s skntc sailing was first
brought to the attention ot tho gen
eral 'public by a series of nrtlcles upon
this subject which appeared In various
periodicals, and we then became fami
liar with the Danish square sail and
topsail, the long double, or two-man,
sail of the Norwegians; tho English
lateen sail, with the mast mado fast
to the skater's leg, tho handsome double-diamond
snll Invented by Charles
I.cdyard Norton and tunny others of
minor Importance.
As u rule, the foreign designs are as
clumsy, Impracticable and as much
out of dnte as tho forms of govern
ment under which they flourish.
About Rats.
Dr. Dntiysz of the Pasteur Institute
in Paris finds that rats can contract
a special disease to which other an
imals are not exposed. Ho has suc
ceeded lu obtaining the bacillus of
the dlseuse. it Is uecessury only to
sonic bread or grain in a bouillon of
tho microbe culture nnd allow tho rat
to cat it, when they contract the mal
ady and usually dlo within He lo
twelve days. A number of experi
ments have already boon mado with
the new method, especially In tlio sew
ers of Paris, which aro full of rats,
and very good results hnvo been ob
tained. It was proved during the ex
periments that the young rats arc thu
most sensitive to tho action of tho
microbe. The now rat-extermlnatlng
culture is coming into practical use
In Purls and especially at tho Bourse
do Commerce, where It Is used to pro
tect the deposits of grain.
With Foolish Haste.
With fmillHii hiiHto wo niBli from play
To HiriiKh'lu innilly In the fray;
Wo si'i'k tn beat tho brazen rook.
To pit onrst-lveH UKUlnst the Htronr.
Ah If tho dinno tnlKht fnilo iiwuy,
V tod 'swept childhood of lt iluy
Ami icuvc tlm laughter nr tho guy,
(ll.ul monifiitn that to youth boloiiK, ,
With foolish haste,
l.ove nwt'ftly bfckoiiB un to stuy,
Hut. niHhlnK off, we answer nay;
From luiiKhter und from lovn nml xong '
Wo ko lo HtriiRslo in the throng.
Ami t'inl by MlnkhiK In dtstnuy,
With foolish haste. ,
-g. K. Klser.
Baths In Schools.
All new schools In Switzerland have
a portion ot the ground floor appro
priated for baths. Each class bathes,
about onco a fortnight summer and
winter. Soap is used and a warm
hath Is followed by a cooler one. Sick
c.hlldron iiud those having skin dis
eases nru excluded.
Autos In New York.
There are 2,835 licensed automobiles
lu the slate of New York.
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