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4
I GOOD SHORT STORIES &
PHILOSOPHICAL OBSERVATIONS
By BYRON WILLIAMS.
HEAD of GREAT HARVESTER TRUST
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"To loosen the clinln of everyday existence, to leave tho beaten path or
wtrenuoslty, to strny for n tlino among tho wild llowors, Is tunic toovory man
onl and body!" dioned Whltcomb, stretched full length upon tho ahoro.
"Anil the Ideal vncntlon la right hero at Wolchaolbaum's," broke In
Sprlggs, IiIb feet In a hummock and his body lecunihent on tho nod. "Tho man
who spends Ills vnratlon 'seising things' Iiuh not rested. There Is nothing to
eo bore, only the lake, the cottages, the lazy Inhabitants and Welchselbattm.
who Ih nlwuys sleepy. They do say Wolchselbuiim lies comatose all winter
that bo may remain nwake In Hummer to call early fishermen'"
"When I return to Chirac," Interrupted Wilkinson. "I am afraid I will
not wnkc up! In my mind's dreaming I will be out on the lake while the
wnves 'swish, swish.' iiKaliiKt tho boat prow. hipping In remonstrating volte
against an Intrutdoii on their morning antics. While the fog dwells above the
lako I toss my first frog Into the wnter! Tho nun Ih slyly peeping over tho
horizon. The dew Is wet upon the ventured shore. Along tho weeds I east
and reel. 'U-r-r-r!' out goes the reel! Click-ellck-eliek!' back It comes. There
Is the iilck Jerk, tho pulsation In tho water, the moment of waiting when
the line Is running free. And then the climax!"
"Hear' Hear!" from Whltcomb.
"How much does he weigh?" queried Sprlggs.
The others grinned and the bittern scroamed afresh.
"Hut thnt In not all," continued Wilkinson, Ignoring tho sallies. "Tho
nun comes up apace, painting rainbows on tho glinting waters, tho ercBts In
red and gold and aurlole. tho troughs In Bhades of blue. From tho farm
liomes about tho lake pastoral grunts and eock-adoodledos aro emanating.
Away In the distance an early whistle blows, calling the brawn of th country
Hide to the threshing bee. The boarders aro stirring for a fish breakfast.
From the dock comes the shrill cry:
"'Where do you hook frogs, pa?' and then a woman's volro:
"'How do I know, Reginald, when I have a bite? Oh' oh! I have one
now! Oh, dear, no; It's only a weed!"
"Did you hear bow I)r. Hewett caught a whale yesterday?" queried
Sprlggs. "Well, you know when Nature fashioned dog she added a caudal
appendage, Intending the canine should wag the tail rather than the tall the
log Well, with mudturtles It Is different!
"You see, in this Instance the mudturtle wagged th" doctor. It was l
o'clock yesterday morning. The moisture was laden with wetness and 'the
doctor was anchored whero the 'big llsh grow.' While the kllldees piped
their shrill refrain and the sun and sky were blending a panorama of beauty,
Dr. Hewett hooked a turtle. As the steel polo bent downward Into the lako
the medleino man cried:
'"Stop the boat! I've hooked a whale!
"It was a royal battle, which was scarce begun when the vicious snapper
was dragged alongside. The doctor was then In the same predicament as
tho man who had bold of the gentleman ho vine's ropy tall. He couldn't let
go, and tho turtle wouldn't! After an hour's work Hewett staked out his
game and the teeond chapter opens at 10 this morning!"
"I note some new rules have gone Into force," crooned Appleby from a
bunch of red clover blossoms. "Children must not speak out loud during the
day; those who ent three meals per diem must go easy; no one Is allowed
to swim In the lake for fear of poisoning the fishes; keep off the railioad
track while tho cars aro passing, and children must not hug tho little pigs
because It spoils their dispositions!"
"Wilson Is In disgrace with the ladles." emanated from the tall clover.
"Ho was rowing Miss Dings ami Miss Hangs about the lako yesterday. Miss
Dings said:
"'Isn't It strange there are no lilies in the lake?'
"'Well, I llko that.' Interjected Miss Hangs, 'with two In the boat"
"'Tiger lilies at that,' growled Wilson and the end is not yet!"
"Wags tried to break the flsli record Sunday," added Appleby, smoking
vigorously. "Ho caught (puff, puff) an Oswego bass (puff) of great promise
and declared (puff, puff) the llsh would boat the six pound four-ounce denlzon
of the lake caught by Johnstone of Walkcrside a fortnight ago. To make
sure (puff) he filled tho fin's gullet full of sinkers. If he hadn't run out of
sinkers (puff, puff, puff) ho would have won at the scales. A 4 It was, tho
sinkers were short by two ounces! Wasn't (puff) that (puff, puff) exasperate
ins! (PUFF!)"
"I got up early yesterday morning," offered Wilkinson, "and this is what I
sawf
"I saw the morning with Its puiple brow stand tiptoe on the horizon
and shoot sunbeams at the departing night, and then reach up and gather
the stars and hide them In her bosom, and bend down nml tickle the slum
bering world with straws of light until It awoke with laughter aud song
A thousand bugles called from tlfe rosy lire of the east heralded her coming;
a thousand smiling meadows kissed her gatments as she passed and ten
thousand laughing gardens unfurled their llowory (lags at hor. The heart
of tho deep forest throbbed a tribute of bird song, and the bright water rip
pled a melody of welcome. Youth anil love radiant with Joy came hand in
hand, tripping and dnnclng in her shining train, and I wished that the heaven
of morning might last forever."
"That Isn't the experience Sprlggs had the second evening after his ar
rival!" hinted Wbltcomb, laughing, (Groans from Sprlggs.) "He was about
outen up by (lies In his room the tlrgt night and rode four miles on the rail
road bicycle to get two sheets of lly paper. These he placed upon tho two
-chairs In his room. Itetlilng lute, he forgot about the tanglefoot and sat
lown in one of the chairs! He got up rather suddenly and pnxeeded to pull
himself loose. As the paper had adhered at an untoward portion of his body.
In. took off his trousers to facilitate matters. While cleaning them he thought
lessly Bat down on the other chair aud "
Just thon the breakfast bell relieved Sprlggs and the spinning ceased.
The man who tempts fate will sooner or later feel her Javelin. There was
Achilles, for instance. Every schoolboy remembors reading how Achilles'
mother, holding him by the heel, dipped him Into the Hlver Styx to make
him luvulnernble to wounds. At the siege of Troy Achilles, not content with
victory and the dragging of Hector thrice around tho wails, successfully
fought the nmnzon PentheslVon and Monition. "Rubbing It In," as It were, ho
drove back tho Trojans aud while tempting fate about thu Sca!.m gate, was
stricken with nn arrow in tho vulnerable heel by which his mother hold him
wbon vulcanizing him In tho Styx. Of course, ho died. Not knowing when hd
had enough, fate reprimanded him with death!
Caisar temptod fate until ho grew weary waiting for tho death ho knew
must come unnaturally. "Hetter," he said, "to dlo at once than live In per
potual dread of treason!"
Anthony tempted fnte and killed himself!
William the Conqueror tempted fate and on his death bed wept because
lie had spilled rivers of blood.
History teems with stories of men who, unsatisfied with adequate glories.
are responsible for their untimely ends.
The reason so many of us aro compelled to make ourselves ridiculous at
a French restaurant Is because away back (but don't sit down and pardon
tho grammatical license) some fate tempters decided to bulb! a heaven-reach-lug
structure now known as tho Tower of Hanoi! Because of tho linguistic
arrangement sent upon the builders as punishment, we get a finger-bowl now
whon we want a steak and pate do folo gras when our pockotbook orders u
ioothplck.
Because Eve tempted fate we have divorce courts and a good old Jolly
in place of the Garden of Eden and a fountain of perpetual contentment.
Any man who tempts fate Is a lobster. Some men never see a snake but
they want to step on Its tall. When you meet fnte coming up tho road don't
expect her to have a Binallpox sign for a headlight, but make a wide and
devious detour llko a messenger boy lu a hurry.
.No doubt Achilles and Ciesar and William and Eve and the rest thought
they could throw the harpoon into fute in an eiubrogllo. but history records
nothing of this sort.
Don't try to tako fate by the nape of tho neck as you would a crab, for
like the crustacean, fate has a way of crawtlahlng that often results in a pair
of sprung pinchers and much woe!
Bo kind to fate. Treat her not unlike the world. You know what Lyttot,
.says about ubraidtug tho mundane sphere. Butt It and you get a headache
"But 'twill lawn at your feet If you throw It a hone!"
Therefore, bo good to fnte Don't tempt hor. Lot good enough alotiu
You aron't tho wholo soap works, anyhow! '
WO!
Tho county board decided to build a now Jail. That body resolved there
lore, to utilize tho material of tho old structuro in the construction of tho
ono soon to he In evolution. It was furthor resolved to contlnuo the confine,
ment or the prisoners In the old Jail until tho modern ono was constructed
This Is not particularly fresh, this story, but It is brought to mliid by nn
editor who calls the attention of his unpaid subscribers to the fact that ho
tins censed sending them his paper. This Is almost us bad as the reporter who
Bays the offlcers nro "pursuing tho bandit Tracy who tired shots with blood,
liouuds." The question naturally arises. "What caliber are tho dogs""
'rfjt
Tho demand for gutta-percha Is sixty times thut of tho supply
Italian proverb: He Is not a thoioiighly wis., man who can not play tho
fool on OOCUblOIIB.
Cyrus Hall McCormlck, the pros!- ,
dent of the newly organized Interna-
tlonal Harvesters' company, Is tho son
of the Into Cyrus II. McCormlck, the
Inventor of tho famous reaping ma- i
chine which hears bis name. Mr. ,
McCormlck was born In Washington,
D. C, and was graduated from Prince
PHOTOGRAPH LED TO MARRIAGE '
Romance In Life of Mlts Anna Ca33in,
Now Mrs. McClure.
Mrs. Archibald T. McClure. who
was Miss Annn Austin Cnssln, is now
In Newport, tho summer home of our
American aristocracy. It was the
Mrs. McClure.
paotograph of Miss Cassin, published
In a magazine, that attracted tho at
tention of Mr. McClure, who retraced
his steps half way across too conti
nent to secure nn Introduction, which
latterly resulted in marriage.
Magnificent Eeastern Potentates.
The Indian princes at the corona
tion of King Edward were encircled
with ropes or pearls, one or two of
thorn had pearls attached to their
cars, and diamonds, rubles and other
priceless gems hung In clusters
about them.
Or tho Indian princes the most
noticeable was the Maharajah or
Gwallor, In a turban encrusted with
Jowels. His wrist was covorod with
a bracelet of diamonds, aud on his
back hung a shield blazing with Jew
ols a magnificent example of an east
ern potontatu clad In the splendor of
the splendid east.
Has Maknnncn, the Abyssinian en
voy, was another guest whose costume
wus of a character most striking. It
Included tho curious-looking, crown
shaped headdress, formed from a
lion's mane, which Is only displayed
upon high state occasions. Under
his flowing robe ho showed n superb
breastplate of volvot Interworked
with gold, nnd behind him an Interpre
ter carried his gold shield ami his Im
mense sword, too swooping and Belml-tar-liko
to ho worn in a crowded room.
London Mall.
A Free Criticism.
Somo time ago Sir Charles Wynd
ham presented London's Green Kooin
club with a chair that had been tho
property of David Garrlek. It hap
pened to be at tho tlmo when Wynd
ham was acting tho part of Ganlck
in the play or that namo nt tho Cri
terion theater, and had settled down
for a long run, At luncheon one after
noon soon after tho presentation,
Wyndham was discovered sitting In
the Garrlek chair In an attitude dis
tinctly belonging to tho period of peri
wigs and knee breochos. By his side
stood a famous critic and a famous
poet.
"Ah, Wyndham," remarked tho
critic, ndmlrlngly, "you grow more
and more llko Garrlek every day."
I "And less and less like him overy
night," growled tho poet.
Pi K
ton in 1879. Since that time he has
been ronnected with tho McCormlck,
Harvesting Machine company, of
which he lias been president since
1884. He Is one of Chicago's most
(ulltiential business men, and has been
prominent in club life, particularly
in that of the Commercial club.
EPITAPH ON MEXICAN TOMB
Neatly Worded Eulogy Over Grave oJ
Notorious Outlaw.
Mexicans are fond or opltaphs, they
rejoice in eulogies, they like to honor
their dead. Their attachment for
relatives Is great, and monuments and
tlower-strown graves show that tho
departed aro not forgotten. The do
ceased may have left a bad record,
aud his friends may bo a:ixto.is that
his conduct should be forgotten; still
this does not debar him from a neatly
worded eulogy.
Just outside the cemetery at Vera
Cruz there stands a fine monument
which marks tho resting placo of a
notorious outlaw, wheso cruelty and
vlolenco made his name a constant
menace to all peace and order. Ills
wife, in spito of harsh treatment, was
his faithful servant to the last, and
after his death thought that she
should show her respect for his mem
ory. She could not spak of his nobility
and worth, and so, after much con
sideration, she cat ted tho following
Inscription to bo engraved upon tho
tomb:
"Junn Fernandez has passed to his
reward; ho was an unerring shot and
knew no fear; owing to circumstances
ovor which he bad no control his tal
ents were perverted front their prop
er course, but the world should be
grateful for his life, as his examp e
stands as a timely warning to tho rls'
ing generation."
New Silk from South Africa.
Gold and silver silk Is coming from
South Africa, says an English publica
tion. Thu fibres aro spun by two re
markable spiders of Khodesla, and an
experimenter has found that tho crea
tures may bo reared In captivity and
that the silk can bo utilized. Both
filaments have a brilliant metallic lus
ter ami are very fine and strong, the
fineness of tho golden silk being about
that or the silkworm's thread, but tho
strength being much greator. A throad
or steel of the same size, In fact, has
only two-thirds tho strength of this
spider's thread.
MAY SUCCEED HIS FATHER
Eldest Son of James McMillan Talked
of for Senator.
There aro rumors that Gov. Bliss
or Michigan will appoint W. C. Mc
Millan to tho seat mude vacant by tho
denth or Senator McMillan. W. C.
McMillan is the Into sei.ator's eldest
W. C. McMillan,
son, and manager or his large com
morclal Interests. He has for several
years attended to a great ilea of his
father's work us head of the Uopubllc
an statu organization. It is snld ha
has a good chance of being elected by
tho legislature uoxt January.
ft vSr IvS Wi
Impressive Sermon Spoiled
Not long ago Rev. Page Mllburn, a
in embarrassing experience while delivering a sermon on the J.
It was n peaceful summer night,
open, but not sufficiently hot to cause
g ntleman was preaching upon the last
p'esentlng n graphic word picture or the majestic and triumphal coming
ui the Judgment nngel. Extending his arms he began mnjestlcally: "Hark"
What Is that Found that bursts upon my ent?" The Infuriated and appalling
yowl of felines In mortal combat on a neighboring renco rent tho air.
There was a general titter from the younger folk In the congregation.
Thinking to stem the current of amazement by reproof, the clergyman con
tinued In Impressive tones: "Let not our minds le diverted. I say again
What Is that solemn sound that bursts upon my ear?" An ear-splitting series
of spittings and yowls came In Instant rejoinder rrom the combatants unon
the fence. It wiib too much for speaker and audience.
"Will tho congregation Join In the closing hymn?" said the discomfited
preacher. And with a speedy benediction the service came to an abrupt
conclusion.
Was the Bees Own Lookout
The fact that an Irish story, though trite, Is always pat, was Illustrated
yesterday when District Attorney Beeves told this anecdote:
"Some people object to releasing prisoners on u floater because of the
fact that the renegades nro turned loose upon other communities. That re
minds me or the Irishman who, arter reaching America, was full of homesick
brag, in which nothing In America even approached things of a similar variety
In Ireland. In speaking of tho bees of the ould sod ho grow especially
roseate and said:
"Whoy. th' haze In that roitnthry Is twice as big as in this. Indade.
they're bigger than that. They're as big as th' shape ye have In this conn
thry!" "Bees as big as sheep!" said his Incredulous listener. "Why, whut kind
or hives do they have to keep them In?"
"No bigger than th ones In this countliry." was the reply. .
"Then how do the bees get Into the hives?" be was asked.
"Well." replied the Irishman, "that's their own dom lookout." Los An
geles Hernld.
The Only "Good House."
A good story Is told or Itlchard Munslleld's second visit to a certain town
lu the Interior or Ohio. The exigencies or the route mude It necessary that
the actor should appear on successive evenings In three one-night stands In
that state. When he reached the town in question he remembered it as a
place where he had appeared to a very small audience two season's earlier.
When 8 o'clock came be appeared on the stage, dressed ror his role, and peeped
through the hole In the curtain to size up the gathering. Evidently he wasi
not pleau'd, for he returned to his dressing room with a scrowl on his face.
Ten minutes luter he reappeared, told the stage manager to get ready to
"ring up." and took another look through the peephole.
"Forty-six persons forty-six." he angrily muttered. "I counted 'em."
Then he found himself face to face with the Janitor of the theater, who was
on the stage In the hope of picking up a tip or two by helping tho actors dress.
"Forty-six people." repeated Mansfield. "Say! did you ever have a good
house In this town?"
"Oh. yes. sir," said the Janitor, confidently; but It burned down about
seven years ago."
Suggestion in the Proper Spirit
The Bon of a wealthy distiller was, upon his marriage, promoted by his .
father to the position of managing director, and was handed over one of
the father's residences, known as "Distillery House," a handsome mansion
standing in beautiful grounds, situate about half a mile from the firm's
extensive works.
Some months afterwards tho son, being In the neighboring town, stepped
into the club for lunch, and. meeting a friend there. Invited him to Join in
the' repast. During the progress or the meal the young director remarked to
his guest:
"We have been thinking or chnnglng tho namo or our residence; It
scarcely sounds well, my wire's letters to be addressed from Distillery House.
Could you suggest a suitable name?"
The friend laid down his knife and fork, thought for a moment, and
then said:
"I think 1 have hit upon It. What do you say to calling it 'Alcho-Hall'?"
A Sordid Consideration
A worthy Celt some years ago kept a Binall grocery In the Point Breeze
neighborhood. He went out to work ns a day laborer, leaving his careful and
thrifty wlfo to operate the store. As was the custom In the neighborhood,
nearly all the customers were given credit Horn week to week, payment
being made on the payday or the gas house, the oil works, and other Point
Breeze enterprises. The wire fell 111, and was nearitig her end; and the de
voted husband was at her bedside. She opened her eyes wearily and said:
"Don't forglt. Tim, darllnt. that Mrs. Moran owes four-ninety and Mrs.
Noonan five-three."
"God bllsB you!" replied the husband. "Your mind Is slnslble to the la.1t!"
After a time she spoke again. '
"An', Tim, don't forglt there's eight dollars owing Mr. I.afferty."
"Arrah, nlvlr molnd, Kate!" he hastily replied. "This bez not th' tolmu
rut yez to be worrltln' yez head wld thoughts av slnrul money!" Phlladelphlj
Times.
One of Bret Harte's Stories
The late Bret Harto told a tale or a young lady who arrived late one.
night on a visit to a friend. She awoke In the darkness to find a white
figure at the foot of the bed. Whllo she watched, the counterpane was sud
denly whisked off, and the apparition vanished. After an anxious, not to say
chilly, night, the visitor went down with little appetlto for breakrast. At tho
table she was Introduced to a gentleman, a very old friend of the family.
who had, she learned, also been Bleeping in the house. He complained of
the cold.
"I hope you will excuso mo." ho said to the hostess; "but I found it so
cr.ld during the night that, knowing the room next to rulno was unoccupied, I
took the liberty of going in und carrying off somo or tho bedclothes to sup
plement my own."
The room, aB Is obvious, was not unoccupied; but he never learned thu
mistake.
Got the Additional Allowance
A certain officer of the British army In Indln, having his battory divided l
into half-batteries, which wore garrisoned over forty miles apart, by road,
applied that ho might have an allowance grnnted him for an extra charger!
It being hiB duty to frequently visit both portions. Tho War Ofllco ruled that
this allowance was Inadmissible, saying: "Measured by the Ordnance map, aa
the crow files, the distance is found to bo only tltlrty-threo miles and a half."
For a tlmo tho officer was nonplussed, but an Idea struck him, und ha
seized his pen and wrote:
"There would appear to be some misunderstanding regarding my appli
-atlon. I am asking for an allowanco for an additional charger, not au
additional crow. I do not ride a crow; I ride u horse!"
He got it.
IV1lJrJ
Wh&t Adcm Wows Doing
It was midnight. Suddenly In tho Adam residence there 4Kq a cry, then
a serlcB or howls, and ono or the neighbors, passing by, heard tho head or tho
house ubo langungo that waB calculated to looso tho thunderbolts or heaven
on tho wholo neighborhood. She- stopped, ran up to tho door, and, pressing
tho button, listened eagerly at tho speaking tube. "What In tho world in
your husband doing?" uho asked, aa tho dulcet voice C Evo Inquired her
errand.
"Oh," replied Evo, "ho Is merely raising Cain. It requires strong Ian
guagu to raise n child llko that."
And thus an expression was coined which promises to outlast history
Itself.
by CtcUs
popular clergyman of
4
alWtl
Tin
tlmore. had
ment day
warm enough to have a
the windows
a fluttering of fans
'lie reverened
solemn moment or Judgment day and
