The Red Cloud chief. (Red Cloud, Webster Co., Neb.) 1873-1923, March 14, 1902, Image 2

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"Porhops tlio most baffling Job I
vor undertook," said tlio old secret
servico man, "was running to earth
what waa known as 'tlio Hamilton
"For several months the BtnlcH of
the middle west had been flooded with
counterfeit flvo, ton nnd twenty dollar
bills of n most IngenloitB make. So
nearly perfoct wore tboy that they
woro conBldorcd exceedingly danger
ous, nnd to myself nnd three assistants
was assigned tho task of capturing
(ho gang.
"Well, we finally succeeded In trac
ing tho counterfoils to tho vlllago of
Hamilton, In ono of tho states border
ing on tho Mississippi river. Wo also
learned that tho gang consisted of at
least three men, and obtained a very
nccurato description of one, a partial
description of another, nnd an exceed
ing vague and unsatisfactory descrip
tion of tho third. However, wo folt
confident of their capture, having onco
traced them to Hamilton, but wo soon
found wo had congratulated oursolvcB
too noon.
"Wo had been In Hamilton but a
fow hours when we became convinced
that tho place was what wo termed 'a
pious town' that Is, that tho citizens
woro law-abiding nnd honest and that
If a 'mint' was operated in their midst
It was probably without their knowl
edge, certainly without their assist
ance. "When this fact became elenr to us,
I called upon tho vlllago constable, tho
only officer of which tho town bonrUod,
nnd questioned him closely relative to
uny men answering tho descriptions
In my possession. Ho was certain ho
had nover seen any such Individuals
In tho town, nlthough ho had heard of
tho counterfeits which I mentioned
In fact, ho had seen several of them.
But ho felt positive they wero not
manufactured In or near Hamilton.
"I was, of courso, positive- they were,
find with tho constnblo's assistance,
began a most careful and systematic
soarcli for tho men wanted or any clew
that might cnnblo us to locate their
"Three months pnBsed without re
sult, although I was uotlflcd that a
now batch of the counterfeits had been
"floated.' I began to feur X had made
a mistake and that the 'bogus' did not
emlnato from Hamilton after all. So
I wont carefully over my work, only
to reach tho samo conclusion: the
'Counterfeiters must liavo their head
quarters In Hamilton. Hut who wero
"Tho town wn3 lltorally flooded with
toad money. In fact. It seemed to be
tho only currency of thoso demonlnn
if lions In circulation In the village. I
irna puzzled. Either tho cntlro popu
lation of tho town was In league with
tho gang, or else
"Then an Inspiration struck me. I
called upon tho several storekeepers In
tho vlllago.
" 'Who Is your best cash customer?'
2 asked.
"Ono and nil mndo tho samo reply,
without hesitation:
"'Widow Bnrtlett.'
"" 'Who Is tho Widow Dartlctt?'
' 'Sho Is tho wealthiest woman In tho
county,' they said. 'Hor husband has
boon dead twenty yenrs. Ho left her
a big estate Sho keeps hero money In
the bank, and resides In that big brick
Jiouso on tlio hill. Sho is a recluse;
no ono over visits her.'
, "Does she make- hor purchases In
porson or through a servant?' I usked.
"In person,' they said.
" 'Pay with currency or checks?'
" Tn currency, nlwnys.'
"I went to tho bank.
" 'How much money hns tho Widow
Xnrtlott on deposit hero?' I naked.
" 'About ten thousand dollars,' was
the answer.
" 'Does sho draw out much?'
" 'Hasn't drawn out any for several
jnonthB nearly a year.'
'I called upon tho village constable."
"I called In my assistants and sum
moned tho conBtnble,
" 'I havo a clow,' I said. 'Tho party
who floats this bad money Is tho
Widow Dartlett.'
"Tho constnblo was astonished. 'Im
poABlblo,' ho wild.
" 'Nevertheless,' said I, 'wo will raid
her houso to-night'
"About 10 o'clock wo surrounded tho
two-story resldenco of tho widow. Tho
houso was dark; thero was no sound
within. I rang tho bell vigorously gov
oral times, but thero was no response.
'"She must ho away from homo, l
remarked to the constubjo,"
I mnm
lm&w k
CcpjllKlil. Wri, by IMIIr St"f7 rutillitilnit Comptnr.
" 'Sho never goes away from home,'
bo answered.
"So I forced In tho door and the
constnblo and I entered with dark Inn
terns. The house was elegantly fur
nished, but we found no signs of a liv
ing occupant. Dust covered every
thing. " 'Sho Is out,' I snld. 'Wo will con
ceal ourselves In tho bushes nnd
"So wo bid ourselves In tho ynrd
anil waited. Just at dny-brcak an aged
woman walked up tho path from tho
street and entered tho dwelling.
" 'That's her,' whispered tho con
stable. "I waited a few minutes through
courtesy. Then I rnng tho bell, but
there was no response. I opened the
"I lifted u gray wig from her head."
door and entered, but Widow Dartlett
was not in. I searched every room nnd
closet; I visited tho collar and tho
attic, but r found no living being. Tho
hotiBo was carefully guarded and no
ono could bavo left tho placo unob
served. Hero was a puzzle. I called
tho constnblo.
" 'Didn't you sec a woman enter this
house a few moments ago?' I asked.
"'Yes,' ho replied.
"'Well, whoro is she now?' I de
manded. "He searched the houso from collar
to garret and I followed him. 'I glvo
It up, bo sold. 'I would havo sworn
I saw Widow Dartlett como In Just
'"Sho Is In hero, then,' I said, 'and
I'm going to find her.'
"From my pocket r took a two-foot
rulo and measured tho width of tho
rooms ont tho ground floor. It was
Just fifty feet from ono outer wall to
tho other. Then I measured tho sec
ond floor In tho samo manner. It was
only forty-two feet.
"'Thero Is a hidden room In this
house,' I said, 'eight feet wide.'
"On tho north side of tho houso was
a largo old-fashioned chimney, ex
tending below tho ground.
" 'Lots take a look at that chimney,'
said the constable.
" 'Good idea,' said I.
"So wo wont to tho collar. Set in
tho chlmnoy, nenr Its base, was a
largo ash pan. I pulled It out and
found an opening largo enough for a
man to crawl through. Inside tho
chlmnoy was a ladder extending up
ward. " 'It's all over,' said I to tho con
stable. 'Call tho boys.'
"When tho others arrived, I started
up tho ladder, followed by one of my
assistants nnd tho constable. On tho
second floor I found a door on tho
south sldo of tho chimney. Drawing
my gun I kicked tho door opon and
sprang through It into a small room.
"I landed In tho midst of three per
sona who wero eating breakfast. Two
wore men who exactly answered tho
descriptions of thoso I wanted. Tho
other was tho Widow Dartlett, as I
bollovcd. Scattered about wero
plates, paper and paraphernalia.
"Wo bad tho cuffs on them In short
order. Then tho 'Widow Dartlett' let
out a volloy of oaths.
" 'My dear widow,' said I, 'pardon
me. And r lifted a gray wig from
her head, revealing tho black hair of
a man underneath.
"Well," resumed tho old secret
servlco man, reflectively, "I captured
tho plates and a largo quantity of bad
monoy, but tho 'Hamilton gang' wero
never tried for counterfeiting. Tho
villagers found tuo remains of tho real
Widow Dartlett burled In tho collar,
and they hung my prisoners that
1'rennrliiB for the Coronation.
Every one will bo relieved to hear
that quite extraordinary precautions
aro to bo taken to preserve tho fabric
of tho Abbey from defacement during
tho coronation. Somo Idea of tho ox
teuslvo ntfturo of tho transformation of
tho Intorlor lntp what may porhap ho
termed a glorified grandstand, will be
gathered from tho fact that tho con
tract for tho rouch timber to bo usod
in tho process amounts to no leas than
X. 10,000. Tho stonowork must of ne
cessity bo pierced horo nnd thero with
what aro called "put log holes" to glvo
support for tho temporary wooden
framework. When, however, tho Ab
bey Is onco inoro cleared of tho tem
porary stands no truco will bo discern
ible of the hnvoo mndo In tho mean
time London Telegraph.
A llttlo encouragement
muny a man.
has mndo
Better ride an ass that carries me
than a horso that throws me,
pi jA jk
Oovornmoiit llfn Recently I'ntillihert Its
rimt One.
Only 400 copies of the, new map of
tho Philippines, recently prepared un
der tho direction of Gen. A. W. Gree
ley, were printed by the wnr depart
ment, the edition barely supplying
tho demands of tho army posts. Tho
Natlonnl Geographic society, however,
obtained tho plates and nan printed a
largo number for public distribution,
using th? map as a supplement of the
National Geographical Magazine.
Tho slzo of tho map is flvo feet two
Inches by three feet; tho scale fifteen
miles to tho Inch. Every town or ham
lot known by the Jesuits or rcportod
to the wnr department by Its mnny
officers throughout tho Islands is In
dicated. In short, It Is a compilation
of everything now known about tho
Phlllpplno archipelago.
A glance at the map shows how
much exploration Is needed In largo
sections. For Instance, on tho Island
of Mlnlioro only a few names along
tho coast arc given. Tho Interior of
tho island Is n blank.
Tho tremendous progress made by
tho American government In tho Is
lands Is graphically illustrated by tho
rod lines, Indicating cables, telegraphs
and telephones, which penctrnte to
nearly all comers of tho arcnlpelugo.
Ncnrly 7,000 miles of wlro arc now
strung, whereas tlueo years ago thero
was not one mile In the service.
All tho telegraph lines are owned
by the government and operated by
a government department tho United
Stutcs Blgnnl corps. Tho stations
noted as commercial stations are open
to messages of a private nnd commer
cial charnctcr, whllo from tho stations
noted ns military only messages of a
military nnturo can bo sent.
This map Is tho first map of the
Philippines that lint; been prepared by
Amerlcnn officials. Tho spelling of
tho nnmes Is that adopted by the
United States board on geogrnphlc
Omlisloii In tlio Wcildliic Service Thut
Uldn't Count.
A distinguished naval officer was
telling this Btory on himself tho other
evening to u gnthcrlng of hlB friends.
At tho time of bis marrlugo he hud
been through tho civil war and had
hud many harrowing experiences
aboard ship, through all of which ho
kept his courage and remained as
calm as a bravo man should. Ab the
tlmo for tho ceremony camo on, how
ever, his calmness gradually gave way.
At tho altar, amid tho blazo of brass
buttons and gold lace marking tho
full naval woddlng, tho offlcor was all
but stampeded, and what wont on
thero seemed very much mixed to him.
Fearing the excitement of the moment
would temporarily tako him off his
feet, tho officer had learned tho mar
riage ceremony letter perfect, as 'he
thought, and ho remembered repeating
tho words after the minister in a me
chanical sort of way.
After the ceremony was all over and
all was serene again, Including tho of
ficer's state of mind, the kindly cler
gyman camo up and touched him on
the shoulder.
"Look hero, old man," ho said, "you
didn't endow your wife with any
worldly goods."
"What's that?" asked tho bride
groom with something of astonishment
In his voice.
"Why, I ropcated the sentenco 'With
nil my worldly goods I theo endow'
soveral times and, dcsplto my efforts,
you would not say It ufter me."
Tho bridegroom seemed perturbed
for a moment and then a beaming
light came into his face.
"Never mind, sir," ho said, "she
didn't loso a blessed thing by my fail
ure." Washington Star.
In Train ot Iniaeta as Food.
Admitting that It becomes nrgu
inentatlvely impossible to ent a cut
let, humanity may still be saved from
tho extremes of a vegetarian diet. A
French entomologlBt, M. Dagln, has
discovered a half-way house, which
he cordially recommends In tho shapo
ot Insect food. He speaks on the
subject with authority, "having tasted
several hundred species of raw, boiled,
tried, broiled, roasted nnd hashed In
sects." Regnrdlng spiders as a sldo
dish, ho finds two objections "they
nro not insects, and they live on nnl
mnl food." M. Dagln's recipe for cock
roach soup Is as follows: "Pound
your cockroaches In a mortnr; put In a
sieve and pour in boiling water or beef
stock. Connoisseurs prefer this to real
bisque." Tho perfect Insect, ho con
tinues, in most appetizing style, may
bo shelled and eaten ilko a shrimp.
Caterpillars aro pronounced a light
food, of easy digestion, and may be
eaten "out of tho hand," raw If pre
ferred. But tho most popular Insect
food ot all Is locust flour, which tho
Bedouins take boiled In milk or fried
nnd served with rice. Wc rcmembor a
certain "Garibaldi biBCUlt," which al
ways suggested an Inside layer ot
squashed files.
Italy and Abyitinlun.
After tho Franco-Italian entente cor
dlalo wo have an nalo-Abysslnlan
cntento perhaps not so cordial. Sev
eral Abyssinian chiefs have been creat
ed knights ot tho Italian orders and
Menellk has sent tho badges ot his two
ordors for tho decoration of meritori
ous Italians. Tho Ethiopian orders
nro: Tho Order of Solomon, romark
nblo for Its heavy badgo of gojd rep
resenting tho seal of tho wise Hoberw
king, with tho Inscription, "I conquer
ed tho lion of Judnh," and tho Order
of tho Star of Ethiopia of recent crea
tion, tho badge being nn emerald on a
flvo-polntcd golden star, with tho In
scription, "Abyssinia stretches hor
arms to tho Lord."
Had Omen 'Wore Too Much for th
riillaitolphla Darkey.
Dftectlvo Gcorgo Fall of tho city hall
force was riding up town In a Thir
teenth street trolley car last week
when u colored man of bis acquaint
ance camo Sn and sat down In tho
next scat. After a brief chat the de
tcctivo said: "Are you superstitious,
Sam?" "No, snh," said Sam. "Well,
It's a good thing you're not," said Fall.
"There's a cros3-eyed woman sitting
opposite." "Ya-as, suh, dnt's right,"
chuckled Sam. "And up In the corner
Is a hunchback." "Yns, suh, I see3
him." "See the number of the car up
thero? It's 313." "Yns. sail." "And
this Is Thirteenth strcot we'ro on, you
know." "You go long, suh." "Tho
ensh register, ns you may observe,
shows the figures 1313." "Ya-as, suh."
"And this Is Friday." "Ya-as." "Also
it Is the thirteenth day of tho month."
"Quit yo foolln', man." "It Is now,"
said tho dctectlvo, pulling out his
watch, "Just exactly thirteen minutes
past " The colored man had risen
to his feet. "I ain't Hupahstltlou3, MIs
tnh Fall," ho said, "but heah'a where
I gits off. You do make a man mighty
oncomfable." Philadelphia Record.
Too I.lttie for Too Morn.
When the lato nineor of Afghanistan
was troubled with a bad toothache he
sent for his European dentist In open
court. The dentist examined the
tooth, which was nothing more than
an old stump, and advised that the
ameer should take laughing-gas and
havo It out Tho ameer inquired Into
the effect of the gas and replied:
"I can not risk being a dead man for
fivo seconds, much less flvo minutes."
So, whljo the whole Afgjian court
surveyed tho operation, the dentist
struggled with the tooth, and tho stout
old nhicer never moved n muscle.
The quality of common sense which
characterized this ruler once averted
a war between England and Russia.
A representative of tho ameer told
him that the Russians had taken
Afghan territory, but ns England had
guaranteed him against aggression ho
could easily depend on England to go
to war If ho said tho word.
Tho nmccr sat quietly for a few min
utes, stroking bis beard, and then
called for a map of Afghanistan.
When it was brought he asked tho
representative to show him the ter
ritory that had been seized. Then
tracing tho little fringe of country,
and sweeping with his linger tho great
space that stood for the rest of his
kingdom, he said:
"It is so little that It Is not worth
making a great war about." Youth's
Wanted III Share.
"The treaniry department runs
across many funny things In the
courso of a day's business," said an
official ot that department. "The malls
aro full of curious oplstlcs, but, as a
rulo most of them receive polite atten
tion and answers nro returned. Just
before tho closo of tho year that ended
with December 31 Secretary Gago gave
an Interview, showing the splendid
condition of tho country in a financial
way, and the full purso of Undo Sam.
In his stntement lie showed that four
years ago or a llttlo more tho per cap
ita circulation throughout tho country
was only $23.14, but that although tho
population bus increased tho volume of
money has more than kept pace, so
that the per capita at tho first of tho
year was I2S.73. A man named Schmidt
in New York Baw tho statement, nnd
tho day after New Year wroto a letter
to tho treasurer saying that If tho per
capita wus so much he certainly did
not have his portion of It. He inclosed
a draft on the treasurer for tho amount
that ho considered ho was entitled to.
Tho draft was presented to Treasurer
Roberts with great solemnity, but he
declined to honor It, and directed that
no answer bo sent to Mr. Schmidt,
whoso letter wbb well written and tho
handwriting good."
Solving It.
Patrick, a thrifty tradesman in tho
neighborhood ot the Dublin docks,
was, tho story goes in Tit-Dlts, a man
who never spent a penny more than
he needed to spend; but ho was.novor
theless, as good a man at tho making
of an Irish bull as any who lived be
tween Bantry and Dallycastle.
Having ono day occasion to send a
lcttor to a placo at some distance, Pat
rick called a messenger and asked him
his prico for going such a distance.
"It'll bo a shlllln'," said tho man.
"Twice two much!" said Patrick.
"Let It bo sixpence."
"Nlvver," answered the messenger.
"Tho way 1st that lonely that I'd nlv
ver go It under a shlllln'."
"Lonely, Is It?" snld Patrick,
ccratchlng his head. "Faith, an' ye'ro
rolght. Now, man, I'll tell ye whnt
wq'll do; make It sixpence, nnd I'll go
wld yo to kapo ye company!"
Lost In the DUccrri.
Gov. Tod, tho wnr governor of
Ohio, was generally considered to be
conscious to tho full ot his ofllclnl Im
portance. He was under discussion In
tho lobby of a Columbus hotel when
a stranger to the city remarked:
" 'Tod' all tho Tods I over know
wroto their namo 'T-o-doublo d.' "
Thero was sllcnco. 'ihcn an old
ucqualntanco of tho chlot executive
"Well, to toll tho truth, that used to
bo tho governor's way of writing It,
but ono day, as It happonod, a roan
told him that God spelled his name
with only ono 'd.' That settled It.
'i henceforward tho governor's final 'd'
was lost In the discard."
Collections of scarf or tie pins
one of tho fads ot Now York men.
Noted Writer Points Out Dofocts in Our Present Systom.
There la probably no subject of
greater Importanco to organized so
ciety than tho problem of how to deal
with tho criminal classos, so as to re
duce their number and thereby prevent
crime. Criminals mere always will be,
nnd henco somo crime. Howrf to mini
mize noth deserves tue best thought
of tho hour.
It Is often said that crlmo Js on tho
Increase. It would bo truer to sny that
what constitutes crime 13 constantly
being Increased by legislation. Our
atato legislatures nt every session pass
ono or more stntutes making certain
acts misdemeanors which wero not so
before. Real cvlmo and actual crimi
nals aro rapidly fading away beforo
tho advancing light of civilization and
Punishment for crime has much to
do with making criminals. This state
ment seems paradoxical, but It Is an
Indisputable fact. Hundreds may be
saved from a life of crime by tho
proper administration of the criminal
laws. It used to be thought that sever
ity of punishment was the wise
course, Indeed the only method, to pre
vent crime. Fear, no doubt, deters
many.; but It Is not fear thnt must bo
chiefly relied upon to enve men from
crime. No man was ever made bettor
by being put In the stocks. Severity
Is useful only In cases In which refor
What Dreams Mean
Good and Bad Luck Foretold by Bells, Dogs, a Ring, or Olives.
To dream of bells signifies a speedy
marriage or good news.
To dream of ivy means that you
havo many true-hearted friends.
To dream of dogs has very different
significations. If they fawn and fondlo
upon j on, then It Is a lucky omen;
If yoii nro In love your sweetheart will
marry you and render you happy. If
they are barking and snarling at you
then be sure that enemies are secret
ly endeavoring to destroy Snr reputa
tion and happiness; If you arc In love,
bo careful of your sweetheart.
To dream of an elf signifies a happy
return of one long absent; presents of
valuo may be expected after this
dream, which also signifies marriage,
with wealth, position und happiness.
To dream you hear an echo to your
own voice denotes that your lover Is
much attached to you. It also denotes
that you will hear good tidings from a
distant country.
To dream bees sting you denotes
loss of good character; and If you aro
In love, of your sweetheart. To dream
you see them at work Is a very lucky
dream It forebodes great success by
your own industry. To dream you see
them making their honey under your
own roof Is the best omen in the
world. For tho rich to dream of bees
is rather unlucky; but to the p'oor
they denote comfort, nfllucnce and suc
cess. To dream that It is hailing or snow
ing, or that the ground is covered,
Patrick on the
Witness Stand
Pat was on tho witness stand sorely
against his will. He as more than
an unwilling witness; he was sullenly
cross and uncommunicative.. His
"dandhcr wits rlz" when tho brutally
offensive lawyer on tho other Bide had
sought to belittle him as an honest
"What's your business?" was asked
with a hair-sneer that implied that tho
answer would reflect on Pat's valuo as
an Intelligent witness.
"I'm a hod-carrier," was tho straight
forward reply.
It's an elevating business, Isn't
"It's as olevatln' as slndln' up tho
hangman's niuterlals; and yc'vo carried
him some, 1 believe."
The examination was prosecuted
more warily after this retort, tho law
yer, however, ever on the nlort for nn
opening thiough wnieh to rotrlovo him
self It offered when Pat incautiously
or Innocently replied to some question
that "It would be a mirm-lt-" if things
were otherwise.
"Ha! You say 'twould be a mlraelo.
(Jan you define a mlrarle?"
"Not by rule o' thumb. 1 never
practiced 'em."
Merely the Hone Itejiortrr.
The icturn of Pere Hyacinth to
Rome nnd his preaching to great Pro
teHtant congregations recnll nn un
published episode ot his visit to San
Francisco yours ago. He then spoko
only French, and a local Journal sent
to Interview him Pleicy Wilson, an ec
centric Englishman, who had been
bred for the church, but who had made
a specialty ot the theaters and turf.
After a general talk on his visit and
his Impressions of California the con
versation shifted to religious topics.
Tho Intimate familiarity of tho re
porter with theological quest lona sein
ed to nmazo Pero llyaclntho, and
when the Interviewer rose to go. ho
said, with tho puzzled 100k still on his
"Pardon me, but you . avo Hhown
mation Is hopeless and in which abso
Into removal from all social Inter
course is therefore necessary.
Wo are rapidly coming to believe
that kindness and close supervision aro
the best preventives of crlmo. Thero
Is no more cruel, Inhuman or unwlso
provision, says J. Franklin Fort In the
Forum, than that of tho Wow York
constitution which rcqulros tho Judge
to lmposo for a second oftense doublo
tho ponnlty fixed by law for tho crlmo
of which the offender Is convicted. It
simply substitutes brute force for rea
son and righteousness. Criminals nnd
penalties must both be graded. Tlmo
has demonstrated tho wisdom of so
doing. Until within a few years say
fifteen us the greatest period all the
states confined convicted persons,
whatever tnelr ago or offenso, in tho
samo prison, and tho penalty Imposed
had to be served by all Inmates alike
for tho term Imposed. Such is still
tho case in many states. But gradu
ally thero has grown up ns a first step
in criminal reformation a system of
reduction ot time for good bohavlor.
This was established at first largely a3
a measure to assist prison discipline.
It was tound to be successful In its
operation and It has led up naturally
to two other systems now existing in
soveral states namely, conditional
pardon and parole.
foretells marriage. To dream of hall
or snow before asking a favor augurs
that you will obtain your desire.
To dream that you nro groaning un
der somo heavy yoke which Is almost
unbearable signifies that you will bo
gladdened by receiving tidings that a
considerable legacy has been be
queathed to you.
To dream that you are looking
through a microscope, denotes that
your lover will remove to a great dis
tance, but that, after many years' ab
sence you will meet again, and be mar
ried, and you will bo very comfort
able and happy.
To dream you see olives dcnoteB
happiness, and that you will be suc
cessful In all your present undertak
ings; to tho lover thoy foretoll a
speedy marriage with the object of
your affections. It you aro gathorlng
them off the trees, they show your
sweetheart Is unfaithful.
To dream of rings is favorable if
It be on your finger. If you are In
love, expect to' be speedily united to
tho person on whom you have placed
your affections. To dream that your
ring falls off your finger betokens evil,
also the death of somo dear friend.
To dream of being In the garden of
Eden signifies that every happiness
will bo yours, and you will becomo
selfish and Indifferent to tho wants ot
others. If you pluck fruit you will
divide your pleasures with ono In
every way worthy to enjoy them.
Proves Difficult Subject for
Like many another brow-beater who
feels himself bolng worsted, tho legal
casuist lost control of himself at this
reply and pitched head on.
"You arc a hod-carrlcr, you say7"
"I swore It."
"You swore to a miracle, too, sir."
"Yer honor looks as if ye woro goln'
to swear at It."
"Never mind me "
"Och, sorrow on the heed I'd over be
given yo if yo weron't forcin' yerself
on rao."
"Como, como! No more of this quib
bling. You say you cannot doflno a
mlraelo. Suppose a man foil from tho
fourth story ot a building on which
you wero working and escaped without
hurt; what would you call that?"
"I'd call It a lawyer's story, yer
"Bother tho story. Supposo you know
for yourself that that man actually foil
that distance seven times In so many
days In a week and was never hurt.
What would you call It then?"
"Thin I'd call It Sabbath-breaking on
wan ot tho days," replied Pat, accord
ing to tho New York Times, "and, bo
gob, by thnt tlmo, too, I'd call It a habit
the man had."
such astonishing familiarity with
questions thac only a theologian
usually understands that I should
llko to know with what special depart
ment of your newspaper you aro con
nected?" "Oh," said old Wilson, with dry
humor, "I'm the horso reporter!"
Million I.lve on the Oeeun.
Tho population ot the ocean Is esti
mated at 3,000,000. That la to say,
tho number of sailors nnd others
whoso business Is on tho high seas
equalB tho inhabitants ot the thirteen
original colonies. Last year moro
than one-sixth of this ocean" popula
tion, or to bo moro exact, 500,000, offi
cers and men, ot 4,343 vessels, cntored
the port of New York.
W" ' w
. i
, A -, V ., -k... .tM