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'
THE T1M.K TO LAUGH.
SOME GOOD JOKES. ORIGINAL ND
SELECTED.
tli lllrlli of n .N .Inkit-Thr ItfEtlUtlr
S hootA ('oiiiiiiiui Alnlii Jviil IX
utllj- IV lint She tVniit.l I'irll of tin-
IJIIIBIIURI'.
iiiiitii or a m:v .ioki:.
From the Boston .lourtuil: No po
liceman wnM In 'light, of cours;. That
waa because ho wan wanted.
"Hit him. Mnggsy!"
"Hoalc lilm. Swlpesl"
"Now youso koI him!"
"Put It on ther smeller!"
Theso ami ninny other edifying ojac
illations wore hurled at two iimull
bootblacks wlio wore earnestly oil
Kagod lu spoiling each other's faces
with tholr fists, whllo n big crowd
stood In a circle about thorn, In front
of tho postofllcc.
It was going badly for tho largor of
the two boya when a member of tho
Boston Peace Society, or ono of Ha
branches, stepped In nnd separated tho
boys. For a wonder both seemed will
ing to Btoj). The peacemaker said:
"Well, what am you lighting about?"
Then an amusing explanation fol
lowed nnd a now Idiotic; Joko wub
started on its Journey through the
town, for overy man uml boy In tho
rrowd that heard tho explanation
started of to "spring" tho Joko on tho
first acquaintance he should meet, and
Itoifllhly to be a participant In another
Untie engagement. The boy said:
"This bloko comes up tor mo and so.,
'day, whnt'H ther next to ther last
letter In thcr alphybet?'
" 'V,' sex I.
" 'Coa I wautn to know.' sc. he, and
lie laugha and swipes me on thcr back,
en thor others they nil laugh too. r
don't aeo no Joke In It, no I hits him
on "ther peeper. Do youso eco "
Ho stopped Hhort: n grin spread till
over hid dirty nnd bruised face, lie
looked sheeplnh and then laughed out
right. "HulJy geo. I seo It now. Yuti'ro all
right, Muggsy. Shake! Why. Y, mite.
Its u.good one, and I'll spring It on mo
bruddor."
They shook hnndsi and went off to
gether. Tho ctowd laughed and each
one hastened to spread the plague n
M'W Joke.
niK itn.ti.isTii,' scuoor..
From taslln's Weekly: VlvlnnV.
residence Is much lu the way of book
agents, Itinerant tea nnd coffee mer
chants, enlarged-photograph nrtlsts
and Improvcd-sllver-pollsh philanthro
pists. Every historian Is Influenced to a
greater or less extent by his personal
surroundings and the thlnga of It's
own times. For exnmplo:
Vivian wnB reciting In exceedingly
new words tho old. old story of Peter's
releaso by an angel from prison. All
had goho well and glibly up to tho
point whore Peter had found his way
to tho houso of a friend.
"Very well. What did ho do then'.'"
inquired tho llgtcner.
"He ho rapped at tho door."
"That's right. What next?"
Thcro followed a somowhut longlhy
pause Then an Inspiration camo to
tho triumphant young historian
"Why, I cueas ho asked 'If tho lady of
tho house Was In.' "
MAKINCI IT t'l.KAIt.
Farmer Ilnytlx (in department
toro) "I vvundnr what them thar
Hals air nllors yellln' '-ash for?"
Mrs. Hayrlx "I icckon ntebby It's
tow lot folks know they don't trust
nobody."
NOT KXAl'TI.Y WHAT HUT. WANTHII.
From the loudon TltiHIts: A teach,
or waa Instructing a class of Infanta In
tho Sunday school ttnd was letting tho
children finish her sentences to make
Miro they understood.
"Tho idol had oyes." she said, "but
It couldn't "
"Soo," cried the children.
"It had ears, but It couldn't "
"Hear," said tho class.
' "It httd.llps. but It couldn't "
"Speak;" said the children.
"It had a iioeo, but It couldn't "
"Wipe It!" shouted tho llttln ones,
and the teacher had to pause In her
lesson In order to recover Iter com
posure. OOT WHAT UK IKSKltVi:i,
"You know Throgglns? Smooth fcl
low. Great Jollier. Tries to keep on
the good Bide, or everybody. Well, ho
treat to church last Sunday morning
and elept through tho whole sermon,
Then he had the gall to tell tho Hov.
Di) Fourthly, after the congregation
had been dismissed, that ho had never
enjoyed a discourse so much In his life,
am! hu would like to borrow tho mar.
uscrlpt of It nnd take It homo with
him, bo le oultl rend it again during
the day. What do ytm supposo the?
doctor did?"
"I can't Imagine."
"Well, sir, 1 think he'd neon Throg
gltm nodding, nnd knew ho hadn't
hen id n word. At nny rate, ho took
Thtogglus by the arm, led him Into his
study, made him sit down, and then
ho read oveiy blessed line of that ser
mon over again to him before he
would let him up. O, you don't get
ahead of I Jr. Fourthly not much!"
or roritsi:.
He D.tfs b I s
comb on top of hln
head,
She My! An'
doto udders Is his
side combs. Wot?
"Wllllc."sald inam
ma, 'didn't I tell
you
to wtiah your fare?" "Yes, mam-
ma,'
' Willie replied, "nnd 1 did wash
"Mamma," piped little Elsie who
Just been vaccinated, "pcrhapn he
do It, but It didn't 'tnito' the first
It."
had
did
time
nkw ii us r iik.ii:i:.
Why Is the fai tit
er's wife mad?
Bemuse her son
did what slit- told
him to do.
What was It?
Kite told him to
draw n hogs-hcad-fill
of wa-ter.
See the man.
What Is the
man do-!ng?
Ho U h.'tug-ius
the ple-ture.
I don't nee that
ho Ih hang-lng It. '"Sfc
Of course you don't, hut ion can
hear him.
A COMMON 21 AM A.
You never tan tell. No out ttia
pected for a moment. Hut you never
etui tell. Tho old gentleman w.ia so
dignified. When ho pas3cd down Olive
street lu the mornings they used to
say of him: "I wonder who that
wealthy banker is?" or. "1 wonder
what brokerage firm ho 1j connected
with?"
Ho was so distillled, llo was so
Immaculate So precise.
Hut tho :rorni lu In the air. You
breathe and you nwallow it.
Soon they be;;an to observe on Olive
itroet the old ;;ontlemun 'was less dig
nified. What did he mean by rump
ling letters ha took from his pockets
and making them Into little spheres?
And then his ennu! The funny way
he hegnu to manipulate It!
Up goes the paper sphere! lllff goes
the cane! Hang! goes the paper
sphet e.
Every clay the same o'd story. BUT.'
then Dang!
Mental aberration? Nothing of the
kind.
Simply baseball mania.
Hu bats away till his correspondence
lu this manner. He alio maintains u
batting avernse. Every miss Is a
"time at but;" and striking the paper
sphere Is a base hit. Ho Is his own
ofilrlal scorer. Ho Is Impartial. The
old gentleman really has n "good eye."
and ho Is batting now well ovci the
.300 mark.
This Is u confession. Mention It to
tho old gentleman It you like, but i:
he .kicks you don't complain to u':t
police. St. I.ouf.i Post-Dispatch.
PAN-AM KHK'AX KOMAM'j:.
The tall, dark oung man anil I'm
short, blonde young woman hud re-l-dcntally
met nnd became, acquainted
whllo on tho way to Buffalo.
They had encountered each other In
the Court of Fountains at the exposi
tion nnd lor.ewed the acquaintance,
and every day thoreattcr for a week,
thoy met at the same place apparently
by accident, and studied through the
grounds together.
Hut the last day allowed by hl. ox
cuislon ticket had come and lie could
ftay no longer.
"It has boon a delightful week," he
raid to her.
Sho murinuied tin afitont to the prop
osltlon. "And I have come to know jou so
well that I hope you will not think
me piosuinptuoua ir 1 ask you a que.
Hon."
"What Ja it?" aho asked, with down
cast eyes,
"Will j on please tell me your
name?"
Ai.t;t: iti:ci:ii:n.
"1 suppos-e," s.tltl tho man who had
Just been accosted by Meandering
Mike, "that ymi think yomsclf perfect
ly Justified In taking money from me
without tenderluu an 0'iulvnleut?"
"Hon't say dnt, iiil.Uct," was tho to
joinder. "Don't sav I'd tuke It wldout
an equivalent. It de haid-luck story
l'o been tellln you ain't fuller or lm.
agination nu"grueeful cmbY'lllshniculK
dan any of dom hooks you've paid .10
cents apleco for on do train. I'm irady
to give up me chosen piofe.ssliui an'
quit panhaudlln' lur life." -Washliii;.
ton Star.
PKitn.s or i.ANtit'A;i:.
Sprockott "It's a hard wot Id, I
have hardly made uiyaelf the master
of bicycle vocabulary bo that I can
talk wheel glibly, when the wheel Is
almost nut of fashion, and nobody VII
listen If I talk about It."
Niblick -"Why don't ".u study golf
nomenclature?"
Sprockott "HcaiiM my mind Isn't
equal to It. It would drive me crazy "
"Nlbllck"Vory likely. but It
wouldn't be notli-ed on the lluks, yen
know." Uoton Trausci tpt.
Q7)
P?
.Ideas Become
Fast
Instances are numerous wnlch show
how the fancies of the novelist may
become realities through men and
women reproducing In actual llfo tho
Imaglnnry scenes of the story teller.
It Is well known that Sir Wnltor He
sant's story of "All Sorts and Condi
tions of Men" brought nhout tho build
ing of tho I'toplc's palace In London.
Jules Verne's appaieutly wild flights
of Imagination In "Twenty Thousand
Leagues Under the Hen" Is probably
hugely responsible, for the wonderful
progrrSK thnt has been mado lu sub
marine navigation, and tho constate
tors nnd operators of these boat! have
been already able to discount some of
tho novelist's fancies. When tho city
of Galveston waa overwhelmed In nn
instant by the destroying waters tens
of thousands of people read the de
tailed story In the newspapers and
wondered at tho reproduction In this
cntastrophy of the Lufcadlo Henrn'n
story of "Chltu: A Memory of Lost
Islands." The Galveston btory, to the
smallest detail, had long before been
di earned nnd the dream told by the
pen or Hearn. Thnso who have read
"King Solomon's Mines" temeniber
how Captain Good upon one occasion
when things were looking decidedly
dubious for the EngllBh ndventurcrs
saved tho llvcrof himself anil his com
panions by a skillful manipulation of
his single eyeglass and his falso teeth.
The lecent outbreak lu Ashnntl fur
nished an Incident which almost paral
leled tho one Imagined by Hitler Hag
gard. Two Englishmen were lu a na
tive village far out on the western bor
ders of the disturbed country. When
the war broke out all their native
scivants left them and the were alone
with the hostllo savage. One, a min
ing prospector, went to a neighboring
chief for protection. The ehler re
ceived him kindly, gave him a meal
and, whllo ho v;.th entlng. beat his
brains out with it war club. The other
man, Walter Hennett by iiamo, n sur
veyor, wns starting from his house
when he heard tho fate of his compan
ion. Ho made his way to another
chief, who tecelved him grimly, took
him Into his house and then Intimated
that he would shortly "do thlifgs" to
Mr. Dennett. The chief's family gath
eied around to Inspect their victim and
the Englishman adjusted his monocle
and sat down to think things over.
V ' H I
A CRIME TO STAGGER
PROVISION AGAINST INTEMPERANCE IN A
SOUTH CAROLINA TOWN
Tho strangest law which has ever J
sprung from South Carolina's dispen
sary system has been adopted by the
town council of Yorkvllle. a thriving
country seat near the mountain line.
When the dispensary system was first
operated Yorkvllle fought It bitterly,
because the citizens of that town nro
Htiong on temperance. The law was
unpopular. It did not prove httcccsa
tttl, and finally It was decided to have
an election In which the people could
express tholr vluws on the dispensary
or prohibition. Tho voters burled the
dispensary and prohibition titled the
da).
Hut the closing of the state estab
lishments did not stop the sale of
liquors. Men got drunk Just as they
formerly had done, and lu tho low
quarter of the town Intoxicated men
icclcd out. a t-hocklng spectacle of
prohibition. Tho wise heads fool;
countel together. They talked over tho
defects, and agreed to punish Hie man
who drank, and not tho man who
sold, An extta meeting of the town
council was called. An oidluance was
Introduced making It u misdemeanor
for any person to be seen staggeriiu on
the streets of the town. That was
where tho wise heads thought the rout
of the evil could bo crushed. There
THE NATION'S LIBRARIES
(Jl Cl
1 There Avi Now 5,383 Such Institutions, $
Z with 4-4,571,851 Volumes (.)
Tho lepoit of tho United States Uu
teau of Education shows that there
has been in thn last five ycats. an in
erouhf of l,:!.r7 lu the number of pub
He, soolety and school libraries in the
United States. There are now r,ns:i
such llbratles, as agalntt I.02C In
I80ti, and 4-t,5!M,S5l volumes, as against
:i,03 1.872 an Increase of nearly "5 per
cent. In inn numtier or hooks.
The Not th Atlantic: division hits
:;,i:t7 or the 5,383 llbinrles, nnd I,
000,000 more than half tho number of
volumes In, the United States. Now
York alone has 71S llbratles' with 7.
l!lti,C0D volumes: Massachusetts, .171 II
brnileri. with 0,03:1,5 volumes nnd
Pennsylvania. 101 llbrailes. with !!,
1M7.077 volumes The North Central
division has 1.72S librartcb, with 11,.
111,710 volumes; Ohio. '2W, libraries,
with 2,Q.m,rM) volumes, and Michigan
103 libraries, with 1,208,708. volumes.
Tho South Atlantic division has
m libraries, with 5.303,237 volumes.
Maryland has SO of these libraries,
with l,17r.,2i"S volumes, and the Dis
trict of Columbia 71. with 2.501,783 vol
times, 1.000,000 of these being lu the
l.llnniy or Congress. Tlie South Cen
tral division has .174 llbiarb.s, with
1,3M.7.'il vo'.umes. Kentucky has 7fi
HbraiicJ. with 12ri,72H volumes, and
Tenneiseo 71 libraries., with 382,221
volumes. The Western division hrs
rf
Fancies of Novelists
Reproduced in
Actual Life.
The single eyogLiss at once caught tho
Taney or the chlef'B wives atfl children
and they laughed and Jabbered until
Mr. Dennett had to laugh too. For an
hour or so the family of the chief kept
the surveyor "doing stunts" with his
eyeglass. When ho managed to screw
the glass Into tho eye oT tho chief's
fuvcrito wlfo the hilarious rapture of
the whole village was complete, nnd
even tho old chief laughed until his
woolly hnlr hurt hint. Needless to say
Mr. Dennett's life was spared and he
was conducted to n place from which
ho could reach thn Hrltlsh lines. DIb
lanlha Is the name of tho village
where tho surveyor saved his llfo after
the manner of Captain Good of "King
Solomon'o Mines." You can't find It on
tho map at least not on tho ordinary
ones - but It Is probable thnt the vil
lagers are laughing there yet at the
strange Englishman with thn adjusta
ble eye. Some years ago Justin' Mc
Carthy wrote a novel called "Red, Dia
monds." lu that story can bo found
mang things which remind one of the
Mollneiix case. Captain Pravcn, secre
tary of the Voyagers' club In thnt story,
had an enemy called Dostwlck, who
tried to kill him as. It is alleged. Moll
neux tried to kill Harry Cornish, by
sending him some poisoned headache
powders, which camo to the captain In
almost exactly the mine manner as the
powders came to Cornish. And thn
falluie of the plot Is about sdmtlar In
manner to tho fnllurn of tho plot
against Cornish. When Alaska was
purchased from IlusMti In 1K07 no one
thought that It would prove a second
California as regards gold, but lu that
year Hrrt Hartc pictured Yankee min
ers swinging their picks In the midst
of wildernesses of snow and Ice. and,
In fact, prophesied the Klondike out o.
the fullucfcs or his Imagination. In
"Purmed by tho Law," J. Machtren
Cobblau has a criminal, In the custody
of two policemen, scramble through
the window of a rapidly moving rail
way train, leap Horn It to the ground
and make olT. The critics natuinlly pro
nounced this incident as "highly ex
citing, but ttnfortuuntely impossible"
Two days after such a ciiticlsm ap
peared the London papers, under the
heading "Leaped from a Train,"
chronicled an Incident exactly 6lmtlat
to that described by Mr. Cobblan. Chi
cago Chronicle.
was a bitter fight In the council over
the proposed legislation. Class was
at rayed against class, but the nntl
stagger law prevailed, and It was ac
cordingly enteicd on tho statutes.
There is no provision in the law
by-vvhlch a mnn suffering from paraly
sis can be exemptid from the operation
or thn law. All Maggerlng people look
alike to tho wise -men-of 'Yorkvllle.
Whether ho. stagger from drink or
from partial paralysis, ho is seized,
hurried beforo a town physician, and
his condition tested. If thcro Is the
odor of whlrky ho Is sent up to be
lined; if he staggers from paralysis
or rroin other troubles, and can pro
duce the whisky odor besides, he Is
dealt with under tho antl-stngger law.
Frfepds and supporters or.the.new
measuro declare that It has rid the
streets or tho drunkards and has ma
terially dccicahed the sale of liquor.
Men who fought for its adoption do
claio that It has increased drunken
ness, because men buy tho whisky from
the "blind tigers" n't id then go homo
to drink the entire supply, with- the
expectation or icnialnlng there until
thoroughly sobctcd. The-law has In
jected new Issues Into the political lHa
of Yorkvllle. and peoplo from other
towns ate anxious to sec sltnllnr meas
ures adopted at their homes.
387 libraries, with 2.7770,500 volumes.
California has 212 of these libraries,
with 1.7S1.858 volumes, nnd Colorado
54, with 303,800 volumes.
A MIi'IiIkiiii Tom ii.
Tho arrival stepped up to tho hotol
cnuntor. swung the rcglstor arouud
and signed his name: "John Smith,
Michigan." "Ah, Mr. Smith," said the
clcik with that hospitable manner ot
tho true hotel clerk, "what's tho best
word in Kalamazoo?" Mr. Smith
turned pale as H he had been caught
In the very' act. "Howdld you know
1 was fioni Kalamazoo?" he inquired
In surprise, for ho had never been in
thnt hotel before. "Oh," laughed tho
clerk, "I've been In the hotel busl
uens a long time, and I never saw
ono of them put down the name ot
his town yet. The only others I know
or like that are from Oshkosh." Mr.
Smith didn't know Jiiit whnt to say lu
teply, so ho said It, and went on up
stairs to his loom, thinking Now
York Sun.
NiilUe SmwxI I ton I.
I.lkti Indian corn, the tomato Is uent
when tho seed Is produced In tho Haiitp
latitude and climate where the crip
Is to bo grown, mid it seldom doou Iw
best tho first season when taken far
north or south of Its mtlve locality.
II Indian IS Vlc Which Today I
HI (i Arc Attributed - W
i I Maligned toHim,
Indian character has been greatly
maligned, says MaJ. John M. Durke,
who hns made a study of the red men.
Treachery, so often charged agaltiBt
thorn, has no part In their make-up.
Tho Indian hns fought the man who
mistreated him, and he has nlwnys
fought openly. Ho has ben the
friend tho unfailing friend of the
mnn who has been kind to him, and
an given evidence that he wished to
help him. The Indian wns tho friend
of Pere Marquette and Father Do
Smct. Tho man who has shown him
n "forked tongtto" ho has treated as
ho would any other snake. Tho man
who has cheated him, has taken ad
vantage of his ignorance to make hia
hard lot harder, ho has killed. The
Indian is u child of nature, nnd ho Is
therefore enndid nnd Ingenuous. When
wronged ho knows It, nnd says so, nnd
his only way to got satlsractlon Is to
fight. There Ib no chance for him to
"Iny low" and wait for another deal.
Ho can only see what Is In night.
"When Columbus came to America tho
Indians wcro nt first alarmed at the
"great whlte-wlngcd birds" the ships.
The white-fared, Htrangely-drcB3ed
people who came out of them were to
tho Blmple natives supernatural be
ings. Hut when they saw that those
went people who wcro hungry and
could eat, then tho Indians brotiKht
tho best they hnd and gave ifrroely'
lor nottting, nnd wore as kindly ns
well-mined children. When tho cruel
Spaniards beat them nnd misused
them, tho Indians naturally enough bo
llovcd that all white men were cruel
and dangerous. Cortez In Mexico nnd
PIzarro In Peru round the nborlglncs
u gcntlo people, but that did not de
crease the relentless cruelty that al
ways grows out or lust ror gold, nnd
so, ror centuries, with nil their con
tinuous generations, the Indian was
tnught that the white man was his
heartless enemy; nnd he accepted the
lessons. There wns no wny to touch
him that not nil white men were
greedy and cruel. Vice will 'go much
rurthcr to assert Itscir than virtue.
Dut. coming down to this very day,
the unsophisticated red man or tho
ENGLAND'S
NEW HOVE
Ono of tho most important announce
ments that havo been made in tho
Hrltlsh Parliament for many years is
tho recent declaration by Joseph
Chamberlain, colonial secretary, that
tho English government will not hesi
tate henceforth to employ In Europe
or elsewhere Its Indian and African
troops. It Is an nnuouncqment ot most
profound Interest to the entire civilized
world, but more especially to thoso na
tions which have millions ot semi
barbarous races subject to their rule.
Hltheto thero hns been n strong
sentiment against the use ot semi-civilized
races in the wars or Christian
states. It la 11 sentiment that found
cxprcsslnon In tho eighteenth century
nt Westminister, when tho great Lord
Chatham denounced with &uch elo
quent indignation the employment by
the British commanders in this coun
try of Hed Indian tribes against tho
American rovolutlonaty forces. Thero
are few newspapers, either lu the
United Stntes or Europe, thnt did not
express their nbhorrenco of the use of
Cossacks and Circassians by Russia In
SAVED BY A
Its Attack on a
a Fatality...
A St. Ixiuls man who has bscn en
gaged In engineering work In India
brings homo this story ot tin exciting
adventttro with n cobra:
"We hnd Just finished a hard clay's
work and were preparing to take ti
good rest. Wo were far from a vil
lage, on sonto hills, and took sholtHf
In a deserted hut. We did not reach
tho hut until nrter midnight, nnd con
sequently we slept lato Into the next
day. The first thing I remember upon
opening my eyes was a flood ot light
through tho door. I was nearest, and
my two companions were behind me.
On a second glance my blood almost
froze. Thero on tho floor of tho hut
and less than two feet trom mo was a
largo cobra, tho largest 1 have over
seen. It wns tolled to strlko, and Its
venomous neck swelled with poison.
Tho llttlo eyes glittered like beads. I
never'moved a limb, but gazed'atdt In
horror. My perfect stillness probnbly
saved my life, for if I had mado a
move tho snnke would havo struck. As
It was, It seemed to be enjoying tho
triumph, nnd slowly moved Its head
backward and forward. I dared not
utter a sound, as I knew that It would
seal my fato.
"I wns Just revolving In my mind
what to do and hnd determined to
mnkc a quick leap, when thero was a
rtifah from n far corner. A small nnl
mal about tho size ot a rat darted out
from behind thn suako and llko a
flnsh seized him by the neck Just above
the hood. Ami then commenced tho
fiercest struggle I havo over witnessed.
The snake plunged, writhed and
twisted, but tho llttlo animal clung to
it. At length Its struggles grew weak-
er uml I wns enablod to dispatch it
west, hating u liar, tells the truth;
having been stiriounded, the game
killed exterminated uselessly lie haw
no way to get n living nnd thinks It
only natural that the government
which took away his opportunity ror
sustenance owes him' food unrtTulmcnt. ..
Tho government says It dota, and "
sends agents to look after and provltls
for him. Some or tho agents former
ly accepted their places with tho ho
ller that they had n tight to rob tho
very class that they were appointed to
protect. Or course, not all Indlnn
agents wore this way, hut many of
thorn were, and the Indian waa blamed
because he refused to be treated with
the Injustice that camo from greed
the most cruel of ull Injustice and he
grumbled and fought. Tho Indian I
supposed to be selfish and brutal by
those who do not know him. Thcro Is
no human being on earth who will ,j
moro quickly divide his last mouthful '
ot fond with a friend. No Indian that
ever lived would crowd a white-haired
old woman out of the way to get on a
street car first. That sort ot thing,
and everything akin to it, that Is dis
courteous, mny be seen among tho men
of tho streets or all cities. Heal men
do not do such things, no mor.c thuu
nil Indians do beastly things than
those who do not know them Bttpposo
they do. The Indian hns not had tho
benefit of laundries and porcelain
baths, but he Jumps Into tho water and
washes himself every time ho has u 4
chance. Ho docs not llvo whero there
arc napkins and linger bowls, and lin
would not know exactly which curious
little fork to uso ror this or thnt, nor
the precise manner In which ho should
carry n spoonful or soup to his mouth.
He has not been taught these things.
Neither does ho gunge his neighbor's
respectability by the number ot po
nies the neighbor posscsoes, nor doe.c
ho lie awake or nights thinking over
schemes to win his nelghbbr'a goodn.
He thinks that one who is nblo to pay
nnd docs not do so Is n worso man
than he who Is not able to pay. Ho
does not s?ay to the rormer. "Ho la all
right becaueo ho lias money, though ho
does not pay just debts nor practice
deeds of charity."
WILL USE ASIATICS
AND AFRICANS IN
HER WARS-
suppressing the Hungarian Insurrec
tion in 1848, and or tho Sultan's action
In endeavoring to put down tho rising
In Bulgaria in 1876 by meana of ir-
regular Dashi-Dazotiks, recruited from
the most barbarous portion ot his Asi
atic dominions.
Bcvoral years afterward, at tho tlmo
that England seemed to be on tho
verge of war with Httssia, a nmnll con
tingent of Indian cavalry was brought
to Malta, which created such nn out
cry and storm of protect, oven lu Great
Britain, that the men wcro quickly
shipped back to Dom bay. Their visit
to Malta, however, served to remind
Continental Europe of thn tact that
tho military tesourccM of England
vvoro not testrlcted solely to her stand--qt'71
lng army at home, and that her forces '
In India must be taken into account.
This Is probably all that 1-orrt lUacons
llold had in view when ho broughttho
Indian contingent to tho Mediterran
ean. The man who is Imprisoned for IHo
no longer dreads being found out.
MONGOOSE
Cobra Prevented
with a stick. The llttlo animal was a
mnngocsc, the famous India cobra
fighter. As soon ns the snako was
dead It fled to Its hiding place nnd vv
cotilci not coax It out. If 1 over folt
grateful to matt or beast It was to tho
little mongoose that saved my lire."
" i'olli'gluU' llrjjrre.
Once, every seven or eight years
somebody perpetrates an Ingenious
fraud in collegiate 'degrees. Thotvic-i
tms are suppesed to be educated men,
hut thoy are as easily gulled aa In-,
noccnt mo.ibbncks. Hitherto tho de
gree most In demand has been "M, I."
Every quack In tho country could got
ono for it few dollars. A "Professor"
In Massachusetts sold thousands some
years ago. No ono ever thinks of
asking tho hearer or honors by whom
t,hey wero , conrcrred. The question
would look llko an Impertinence. Tho
latest victims, tho "reverends," nro un
deserving or sympathy. Every one
buying 11 "D. D." should be retired
from tho pulpit. If this thing con-
Unties I shall expect to see all degree
men required to append tho name of
their university to their honors, as
Jonathan Hedwards, LL. I),, Yale;
Charles Elbert Caitwrlght, M I")., Har
vard; the Hev. Heccher Darby Vun-
dyko, 1). D Princeton; Ph. r Colum
bla; I). C L., Cambridge; D. hit., Ox.
ford, etc. Now York Press.
In tho year 1000, out of 1,082 raids oa
Illicit stills, C73 were matin in Heorgia
which Is a prohibition state except aa
to four of Its cities. (ty
An orator may ppout like n v:hal
ami still bo only u "shark.
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