tT
I'ff
! '
M
I
? t
t
y
t h
V
THE TJMK TO LAUGH.
SOME GOOD JOKES. ORIGINAL AND
SELEOTEO.
llie lllrlli or n .Inkn Thr ItrntUtlr
HclioilA Coiiiiniiii Munlit Nut I!
Hilly Wlml Hlix W1111l.it -l'rrll oMIie
I.HllRUtlK,
iiiictii iir a m;u .jotti:.
From tho Doston Joiirmvl: No po
llcctnan wah luilght, of eourn?. That
wus berntlao lin wits wanted.
"Hit him, Muggsy!"
"Soak him. SwIpchI"
"Now youso Rot him!"
"Put It on ther Hmrllcr!"
These and ninny other edifying ojac
filatlons wcro hurled lit two iimull
bootblacks who wcro earnestly on
gngod lu spoiling each other's fnccu
with tholr flflts, whllo u big crowd
stood In a clrclo nbnut them, In front
of tho postofflcc.
It was going badly for tho larsor of
tlit two boys when u member of tho
lloston l'oaco Socloly, or ono of Its
lirtincheH, stopped In nud separated tho
boys. For h wondor both seemed will
ing to Htoji. Tho peacemaker said:
"Well, what uro you fighting about?"
Then nn amusing explanation fol
lowed and u now Idiotic Joke wuh
started on Its Journey through the
town, for every mini itnd hoy In the
crowd that heard the explanation
stnrtod of to "spring" the Joko on tho
llret acquaintance he should meet, and
pu.sslbly to ho u participant In iinother
fistic engagement. The hoy Huld:
"ThlH bloke comes up tor mo and sezt
'day, whnt'H ther uoxt to ther lasi
letter In ther ulphyhet?'
" 'V,' acz I.
" 'Cos I wanta to Know,' hC. he, and
lie lauRha and swipes nie on ther back,
en thor othera they all laiiEh too. r
don't seo no Jol;o In It, so 1 IiHh htm
on 'ther pcopcr. Do youso r.eo "
Ho stopped Hhort; n Rrln spread nil
over his dirty ami briilHcd face. Ho
looked shceplnh and then laughed out
rlRht. "Hully gee. I see It now. Vou'ro ull
rlfiht, Muggsy. Hhnlcel Why. Y, ure.
lta u,good one, and I'll spring It on mo
brudder."
They shook hanthi and went oft to
Rotbcr. Tho crowd lutighed and cuch
one hastened to spread the pluguo n
mw Joke.
TIIK Itll.tl.lSTK! Nt'llOOI..
From lsllo's Weekly: Vivian's
residence is much in the way of hook
agents, Itinerant tea and corfeu mer
chants, onlnrgcd-photograph nrtlsts
and Improvcd-sllvcr-pollsh philanthro
pists. Every historian Is Innucnccd to a
greater or less extent by his peraonnl
surroundings and the lhln;;n of h'.s
own times. For example:
Vivian waB reciting lu exceedingly
new words the old. old hlory of Peter'n
relcano by an nngel from prlEon. All
had gone well and glibly up to the
Point whore l'cter had found his way
to tho house of n friend.
"Very well. What did he do then?"
inquired tho listener.
"Ho ho rapped ut tho door."
"That's right. Whut next?"
Thcra followed u somowhut lengthy
pauso. Then an Inspiration e.uno to
tho triumphant youiiR historian.
"Why, I nucss he nnlced 'If tho lady of
tho lwuao waH In.' "
MAKI.NO IT (.'I.K.Alt.
Farmer llayil; (In department
tore) "I winder what thoin thar
imla air nllors yellln' "ash fer?"
Mrs. Hayrlx "I lecltou mpbby It's
tow let folks know they don't trust
nobody."
NOT KXAOTI.V WHAT NIIK IVANTKO.
From the Iondon TltiOlta: A teach,
or was Instructing a class of infants in
the Sunday school und was letting tho
children finish her sentences to make
Miro they understood.
"Tho Idol hud oyes," sho bald, "but
It couldn't "
"See," cried tho children.
"It had ears, but It couldn't "
"Hear." said tho ctuss.
"It Jiad .lips, but It couldn't "
"Speak." Bald tho children.
"It had a noso, but It couldn't "
"Wlpo It!" shouted tho llttlo ones,
and the teacher had to pauso in her
lesson in order to recover her com
posure. OOT WHAT UK i)khi:hvi:i.
"You know Throgglns? Smooth fcl
fow. Ureut Jollier. Tries to kcop on
tho good side of o'crybady. Well, lie
wont to church last Sunday morning
and slept through the whole sermon.
Then he had thu gall to tell tho Rev.
Dr, Fourthly, after the congregation
had been dismissed, that ho had never
enjoyed n discourse so much in his life,
and he would like to borrow thu mnr.
uscrlpt of It nnd take It homo with
him, so lo oo'ild read It again during
wmNk
the day. What i!o you Htipposo tho
doctor did 7"
"F cun't Imagine,"
"Well, sir, 1 think he'd seen ThroR
gltm uoddliiR. and knew ho hadn't
heard n word. At any rate, he took
ThroRRlus by tho arm, led him into his
study, made htm sit down, and then
ho read oveiy bleeped lino of that ser
mon over aiuilu to him before he
would let him tip. U, you don't rc(
ahead of Dr. Fourthly not much!"
or cotncsi:.
. He D.il's bis
'f'JontnU nn inn tf liln
, head.
Mho My! An
(loin udders is his
side combe. Wot?
"Wlllie,"snld mam
ma, 'didn't I tell
you to wash your face?" "Yes, mam
ma." Willie replied, "and 1 did wash
It." "Mamma," piped little Elsie, who
had Just been vaccinated, "perhapn he
did do It, hut It didn't 'taicu' the first
time."
nkw i'iiikt m:.ii:i:
Why Is the farm
er's wlfo mad?
Rccnuse her son
did what she told
him to do.
What was It?
She told him to
draw a hogs-hend-fill
of wa-tor.
See the man.
What is the
man do-liiR?
Ho Is hatiR-iu:;
tho ple-tuiv.
I don't see that
be li haiiR-lnR It. '-sSfc
Of eournu you dift, but a on ca-i
hear him.
A COMMON MAMA.
You never run tell. No oni ins
pected for a moment. Hut you never
cr.n tell. Tho obi Rontleman was so
dlniillled, When he passed down Olive
street lu the mornlnRa they used to
suy ut him: "I wonder who that
wealthy banker l.i?" or. "I wonder
what brokerage linn lio Ij connectcil
with?"
Ho was so dlsullled. lie was ho
Immaculate Ho precipe.
Hut the 4orm hi In the air. You
breathe and you invallow It.
Soon thoy bc;un to observe on Olive
ttreet the old aentlemnn 'was less dlR
nllled. What did he mean by rump
lltiR Icttora ho took from his pockets
and making them Into little sphereti?
And then his cane! Tho funny way
lie bcRiiu to manipulate It!
Up rocs tlie paper sphere! Hlff rocs
the enne! Hans! ross the paper
spheie.
Every day the .u:ie o'd fctory. CUT!
then Hiinu!
Mental aberration? Nothing of the
kind.
Simply baseball mania.
Hu bats away nil his correspondence
In this manner. Hu alio maintains u
batthiR nvcrnse. Kvery miss Is a
"time at but:" und strlkltiR the paper
sphere Is u base hit. Ho Is his own
olllclal .scorer. He Is Impartial. The
old Rontleman really hns a "Rood eye,"
and ho In batting now well over thu
,::U0 mark.
This Is a confession. Mention it to
the old Rcntlcmau If you like, but I
he .kicks you don't complain to t':i
police. Ht. I.oufu t'ost-Ulspatch.
I'AN-AMIMlllWN HOMAMj:.
Till; tull. dark oung man and Cm
short, blomlu young woman hud cc-l-dcntally
met and hecume acquainted
whllo on tho way to Duffalo.
Thoy had encountered each other In
the Court or Fountains at the exposi
tion nnd icnewed the acquaintance,
and every duy thereafter for u week,
thoy met ut the name pluce apparently
by accident, and strolled through the
grounds together.
Dut the last day allowed by l-.ls o.
cumjii ticket had come nud he could
&tay no longer.
"It has been a delightful week," he
raid to her.
Sho murmuied an as:, on I to the prop
osition. "And I have como to know you so
well that I hope you will not thlnl:
me presumptuous If I iisk you it ques
tion." "Whut.ls It?" nho asked, with down
east eyes.
"Will yott please tell me your
niime?"
v.vi.i.k iii:i'i:ivi:n.
"I suppose," said the man who had
Just been accoHted by Meandering
Mike, "thut you think youifelf perfect
ly Justilicd In taking money from me
without nuidcriiiu; ait e'lulvabiiit?"
"Don't say dat, inl.itcr," wus the re
joinder. "Don't sav I'd take it wldout
an equivalent. If de linrd-luclc story
I've been tellln' you ain't fuller of lm-
agination an' 'gtncefitl embX'lllshfiicnts
dan any of dem books you've paid 0
cents upleco for on do train, I'm ready
to give up me chosen profession an'
quit paiilianilllu' fur life." -Washing,
ton Star.
i'Khii.h or i.AMii'.Uii:.
Sprockott "It's u hard win Id. i
havo hardly made myself iho master
of bicycle vocabulary so that I can
talk wheel gllbl,v. when tho wheel Is
almost out of fushlon, and nobody w'll
listen It I talk about it."
Nlbllck--"Why don't ".u study golf
nomenclature?"
Sprockott "localise my mind h-n't
equal to It. It would drive me eriuy."
"Nlbllck-"Vory likely; but It
wouldn't be noticed on the links, yo;i
kuow." nosdon Tr.insci lid.
! . "nimwiiiMVnrditMtB8TBiiiaMiE
r&ji.zixix' i
Sr
T-riTirrtiiiiMiiMMMff-i f agiir 'rT""ri"" ""' tt'y',M,M
, Ideas Become
Fast
Instances are numeroiiH which show
liow the fancies of the novelist may
become realltlrt; throuRh men and
women reproducing In actual life the
imoRlnnry scenes of the story teller.
It is well known that Sir Walter Ho
ynnt'fl story of "All Sorts and Condi
tions of Men" brought about the build
Inp of tho People's palace In London.
.Miles Verne's apparently wild flights
of Imagination in "Twenty Thousand
Leagues Under the Sea" Is probably
largely responsible for the wonderful
progress that has been mado lu sub
marine navigation, and the construc
tors and operators of these boaU have
been already able to discount some of
tho novelist's fancies. When tho city
of Galveston was overwhelmed In nn
Instant by the destroying waters tens
of thousands of people read the de
tailed 8tor in the newspaper and
wondered at tho reproduction In this
cntastrophy of the Lafcudlo Hearn's
story of "Chltu: A Memory of Lost
Islands." The Galveston btory, to the
smallest detail, had long before been
dreamed nnd the dream told by tho
prn of ileum. Those who have read
"King Solomon'a MliuM" remember
how Captain flood upon one occasion
when things were looking decidedly
dubious for the KiirIIbIi adventurers
saved tho llven-of himself and his com
panions by a aklllful manipulation or
his single eyeglass and his falso teeth.
The recent outbreak In Ashantl fur
nished an incident which almost paral
leled the one Imagined by Rider Hag
gard. Two KiiRlIshmen were lu a na
tive vilhiRo far out on the "western bor
ders of the disturbed country. When
the war broke out all their native
hervnnts left thoin and they wcro alone
with the hostllo KavaRoa. One, a min
ing prospector, went to a nelRhborlng
chief for protection. The chief re
ceived him kindly, gave him u meal
and. whllo he wan eating, beat his
brains out. with a war club. The other
man, Wnlter Hennett by name, n sur
veyor, wns startliiR from his house
when he heard tho fate of his ompan
lou. He made his way to another
chief, who lecelved lilm grimly, took
him Into his house nnd thin intimated
that he would shortly "do things" to
Mr. Dennett. Tho chief's family with
ered around to Inspect their victim and
the Englishman adjusted his monocle
and sat down to think things over.
A CRIME TO STAGGER
FROVlSiON AGAINST INTEMPERANCE IN A
SOUTH CAROLINA TOWN
Tin. uf riiiirrncff lnu' ulitf.li lnu nvpl
sprung from South Carolina's dispen
sary system has been adopted by the
town council of Yorkvllle. a thriving
country seat near the mountain line.
When the dispensary system was first
operated Yorkvllle fought It bitterly,
because the citizens of that town are
strong on tempc.ranre. Tho law was
unpopular. It did not prove hiicccsa
lul. and Anally It was derided to have
an election In which the people could
express their views on the dispensary
or prohibition. The voters burled the
dispensary and prohibition uiled thu
da).
Dut the clewing of the .state estab
lishments did not stop the sale of
liquors. Men got drunk Just as they
formerly had done, and 'n tho low
nuartci- of the town Intoxicated men
reeled out, n (-hooking spectacle of
prohibition. The wise heads took
counsel together. Thoy tulkcd over tho
defects, nnd agreed to punish tho man
who drank, and not tho man who
sold. An extra meeting of the town
council was called, An oidlnuuce was
Introduced making It a misdemeanor
for any person to be seen staggering o
tho streets of the town. That wjb
wliere the wise beads thoucht the loot
of the evil could bo crushed. There
ItVIE NATION'S LIBRARIES 1
V There Ari Now 5,383 Such lustltntloiu, S
S! with 44,591,851 Volumes &
i(.,?,ii;;6a3i,i5cji!..ftvS
Tho leport of tho United St.iter, Dn- i :!S" libraries, with 2.777U.09C volumes.
icnu of' Education shows that thero
has been in tho last live ycais. an In
crease of l,;ir7 In the number of pub
lic, soolcty und school libraries in the
United States. There aro now r,HS3
nueh libraries, as agalnkt I.02C In
ISCii. and 44,Q!U,85l volumes, as against
:i.05t,872 mi Increase of nearly Si" per
cent, in tho number of books.
The North Atlantic division hns
'J,4:t7 of the '1,383 llbinrles. and 1,
000,000 more than half tho number of
volumes In, the United Stntes. Now
York ulone has 71S libraries' with 7.
t!)C.,r0!) volumes; Massachusetts, .ri7l li
braries, with G.ca.'l.'Jfcri volumes nnd
Pennsylvania. 401 libraries, with ".,
047,677 volume.! The North Central
division has 1.72S libraries, with II,-'-11,710
volumes; Ohio, 'Jfiti llbrarlea,
with 2,0:5,5N9 volumes, and Michigan
103 libraries, with 1,208,708. volumes.
The South Atlantic division has
'll libraries, with n.SOIl.'-'a" volumes.
Maryland hns SO or these libraries,
with 1,17i",2uS volume, and tho Dis
trict of Columbia 71, with 2,r.oi,78S vol
umes, 1,000,000 of these being in the
Library of Congress, Tlie South Cen
tral division has .174 llbritrks, with
"l,:iFil.7:i1 vo'.umcs. Kentucky has 70
llbrnrlci. with 125,720 olumes, and
Tennetseo 71 libraries, with 382,221
volumes, The Western division hrs
Fancies of Novelists
Reproduced in
Actual Life,
Tho single eyegbss at once caught tho
fanny of the chief's wives ntrl children
and they laughed and Jabbered until
Mr. Dennett had to laugh too. For an
hour or so the family of the chief kept
the surveyor "doing stunts" with his
oyeslass. When ho managed to screw
the glnss Into the eye oT the ehlof'B
favorite wlfo tho hilarious rapture of
the whole village was complete, nnd
even tho old chief laughed until his
woolly hair hurt him. Needless to say
Mr. Dennett's life was spared and lie
was conducted to a pluce from which
ho could reach the Drlttsh lines. Dlb
lanlhn is the name of tho village
whore the surveyor aaved his llfo after
the manner of Captain Good of "King
Solomon's Mlniu." You can't find Hon
the map at least not on tho ordinary
ones hut it U prubablo that the vil
lagers are laughing there yet ut the
strange Englishman with tho adjusta
ble eye. Some" years ago Justin' Mc
Carthy wrote a novel called "Red, Dia
monds." In that story can bo found
mnng things which remind one of the
Mollueux case. Captain I'ravon, secre
tary of the Voyagers' club in thnt story,
had an enemy called Dostwlck, who
tried to kill him as. It Is alleged. Moll
ueux tried to kill Harry Cornish, by
sending .him some poisoned headache
powders, which camo to the captain lu
almost exactly the Fame manner us tho
powders came to Cornish. And tho
fullute of the plot Is about similar lu
manner to the failure of tho plot
ngalnst Cornish. When Alaska was
purchased from Russia In 1KG7 no one
thought thnt It would prove u second
California as regards gold, but. lu that
year Drct Hartc pictured Yankee min
ers swinging their picks In the midst
of wildernesses of snow and Ice. and.
in fact, prophesied the Ktondlke out o"
tho fullness of his Imagination. In
"I'urMied by the Law," .1. Maclaren
Cohblnn has a criminal, In the custody
of two policemen, scramble through
the window of a rapidly moving rail
way train, leap from It to tho ground
and make olT. The critics natuinlly pro
nounced this Incident aa "highly ex
citing, but unfortunately Impossible."
Two days after such a criticism ap
peared the London papers, under tho
heading "Leaped from a Train,"
chronicled an Incident exactly similar
to that described by Mr. Cobblan. Chi-
I cago Chronicle.
wna a bitter light In the council over
tho proposed legislation. Class was
ui rayed iigulnst class, but the nntl
Htagger law prevailed, and It wns ac
cordingly entered on tho statutes.
There Is no provision In the law
by which u man suffering from paraly
sis can bo exempted from tho oporatlon
of the law. All MaRgerlng people look
alike to tho wise 'men' of Yorkvllle.
Whether ho tagger from drink or
from partial paralysis, he Is seized,
hurried heforo a town physician, und
IiIh condition tested. If thero H the
odor of whirky lie Is sent up to bo
tilled; if ho stnggors from paralysis
or from other troubles, and can pro
duce the whisky odor besides, he is
dealt with under tho nntl-stugger law.
Friends nnd supporters of .the .now
measure declare that It has rid the
streets of tho drunkards and has ma
terially decreased the sale of liquor.
Men who fought for its adoption de
clnii) that It has increased drunken
ness. bcenu.se men buy tiio whisky from
the "blind tigers" and then go home
to drink the entire supply, wltlr the
expectation of remaining there until
thoroughly sobered. The law has In
jected new Issuer Into the political Ufa
of Yorkvllle. nnd peoplo from other
towns me anxious to see slmllnr meas
ures adopted at their homes.
California has 212 of these libraries.
with 1.78l,8r8 volumes, nnd Colorado
51, with 303,800 volumes.
A Michigan Town.
The arrival stepped up to tho hotel
counter, swung the rcRlstor utouiid
nnd signed his name; "John Smith,
MlchiRim." "Ah. Mr. Smith," suld the
clerk with that hospitable manner of
tho true hotel clerk, "whnt's tho best
word in Knlnmnzoo?" Mr. Smith
turned pale us if ho had been caught
lu tho very' act. "How Mid you know
I was from Kalamazoo?" he Inquired
In surprise, for he had never been In
thnt hotel before. "Oh," laughed tho
clerk, "I've been In tho hotel busl
urns a long time, and I never saw
one of them put down the name of
his town yet. The only others I know
of like thnt are from Oshkosh." Mr.
Smith didn't know Just what to Bny In
reply, so ho said It, nnd went on up
stairs to his room, thinking Now
York Sim.
XlllUf SlTll Ileal.
Like Indian corn, the tomnto Is oeiit
when tho seed Is produced lu tho samp
latitude nud cllmnto where the crip
Is to bo grown, und It seldom doos liu
best tho first scuson when taken far
north or south of Us mtlvc locality,
Indian Is
Maligned
!
Indian chnracter has been greatly
maligned, says MaJ. John M. Durke,
who hns mudc n study of the red men.
Treachery, so often charged against
them, has no part In their make-up.
The Indian hns fought tho man who
mistreated him, and he has always
fought openly. Ho has bsen the
friend the unfailing friend of tho
man who has been kind to him, and
as given evidence that he wlBhed to
help him. The Indian wob tho friend
of Pore Marquette and Fathor Do
Smct. The man who has shown him
n "forked tongue" ho hns treated as
ho would any other snuke. The man
who hns cheated him, hns taken ad
vantage of his ignorance to make his
hard lot harder, ho hns killed. The
Indian Is u child of nature, nnd ho Is
therefore cnndld nnd Ingenuous. When
wronged ho knows It, nnd says, so, and
his only way to got satisfaction Is to
fight. There Is no chance for him to
"lny low" nnd wnlt for another deal.
Ho can only see what Is in Bight.
When Columbus came to America tho
Indians were nt first alarmed nt the
"great white-winged birds" the ships.
The white-faced, Btrangely-,drcs3ed
"people who camo out of them were to
tho simple natives supernatural be
ings. Dut when they saw that tluwo
were people who wcro hungry and
could ent, then the Indians brought
tho best they hail nnd gave It -freely'
for nothing, and wore as kindly as
well-raised children. When tho cruel
Spanlnrds beat them and misused
them, tho Indians nnturnlly enough be
lieved that nil white men were cruel
and dangerous. Cortez In Mexico nnd
PIzarro In Peru found the nborlglncs
a gcntlo people, but that did not de
crease the relentless cruelty thnt al
ways growa out of lust Tor gold, nnd
so, for centuries, with nil their con
tinuous generations, the Indian was
tnught that the white man was his
heartless enemy; and he nccopted the
lessons. There wns no way to to-ich
him that not nil white men were
greedy and cruel. Vice will 'go much
further to assert Itself than virtue.
Dut, coming down to this very day,
the unsophisticated red man of the
ENGLAND'S
NEW HOVE
One of the most Important announce
ments that havo been made in tho
British Parliament for ninny years is
tho recent declaration by Joseph
Chamberlain, colonial seere'ary, that
the English government will not hesi
tate henceforth to employ in Europe
or elsewhere its Indian and African
troops, it Is nn announcement of most
profound Interest to tho cntlro civilized
world, but more especially to thoso na
tlomi which hnvo millions of semi
barbarous races subject to their rule.
Hltheto thero has been n strong
sentiment against tho me of seml-clvll-Ized
races In the wnrs of Christian
states. It Is a sentiment thut found
exprcsslnon In the eighteenth century
nt Westminister, when tho great Lord
Chatham denounced with such elo
quent indignation tho employmont by
tho Drltish commanders In this coun
try of .Red Indian tribes against tho
American revolutionary forces. Thero
aro few newspapers, either lu thu
United States oi Europe, that did not
express their abhorrence of tho uso of
Cossacks and Circassians by Russia in
A St. J.ouis man who has been en
gaged In engineering work In India
brings homo this story of an exciting
adventure with a cobra:
"Wc hnd Just finished a hard day's
work nnd were preparing to take u
good rest. Wo were far from a vll
Iuro, on somu hills, nnd took sheltflr
In a deserted hut. We did not reach
tho hut until lifter midnight, nnd con
sequently we slept lato Into the next
day. The first thing I remember upon
opening my eyes wns a Hood of light
through tho door. I wns nearest, and
my two companions were behind me.
On n second glance my blood nlmost
froze. Thero on tho lloor of tho hut
nnd less than two feet from mo was a
largo cobra, tho largest 1 havo over
seen, it was colled to strlko, and Us
venomous neck swelled with poison.
Tho llttlo eyes glittered like beads. I
nover'inoved u limb, hut gazednklt lu
horror. My perfect stillness probably
saved my life, for If I had mado a
move tho snnkc would have struck. As
It wus. It seemed to he enjoying tho
triumph, nnd slowly moved Its head
backward and forward. I dared not
utter a sound, as I knew that It would
seal my fato.
"I wos just revolving In my mind
what to do and hnd determined to
make u quick leap, when thero was n
riibh from u far corner. A small nnl
mal nhout the size of a rat darted nut
from behind tho suako and llko n
flash seized him by tho neck Just ubovo
tho hood. And then commenced tho
fiercest struggle I havo over witnessed.
Tho snake plunged, wrlthod nnd
twisted, but tho llttlo nnimnl clung to
it. At length Its struggles grow weak
er und I was enaHod to dispatch It
SAVED BY A MONGOOSE j
I Its Attack on a Cobra Prevented '
f a Fatality...
Vices Which Today I
Arc Attributed , I
to Him. Ij
in i isliriiuii in aogaa J'
west, hating u liar, tells the truth:
having been siiriounded. the gam
killed exterminated tiselcfsly he has
no way to get u living and thinks it
only natural that tho government
which took nwny his opportunities for
sustenance owfs him' food und raiment.
Tho government says It docs, nnd
sends agents to look nftcr und provldt
for him. Some of tho agents former
ly accepted their places with tho be
lief that they linil n right to rob tho
very class that they were uppolnted to
protect. Of course, not nil Indian
agents wore thiB way, hut many of
them were, nnd the Indian was blnmed
because he refiiEcd to be treated with
the Injustice that camo from greed
the most cruel of all Injustice und he
grumbled nnd fought. Thu Indlun Is
supposed to be selfish and brutal by
those who do not know him. There Is
no human being on earth who will
moro quickly divide his lust mouthful
of tonil with n friend. No Indian that
over lived would crowd a white-haired
old woman out of the way to get on a
street car first. Thnt sort of thing,
and everything akin to It, that Is dis
courteous, may be seen nmong tho men
of tho streets of all cities. Real men
do not do audi thlng3, no moco than
all ludlnns do beastly things than
those who do not know them suppose
they do. Tho Indlnn hns not had tho
bcneltt of laundries und porcelain
bnths. but he Jumps into tho water and
washes himself every time ho has u
chance. Ho does not live whero there
nrc napklnB and linger bowlB, nnd ho
would not know exactly which curloun
little fork to ufo for this or that, nor
tho precise manner In which ho should
carry u spoonful of soup to his-month.
Ho has not been taught these things.
Neither does ho guoge his neighbor's
respectability by the number of po
nies the neighbor possesses, nor does
ho lie awake of nights thinking over
schemes to win his nclglibbr's goodn.
He thinks that one who Is nble to pay
nud docH not do so is a worse man
than ho who Is not able to pay. Ho
does not fay to the former, "Ho la all
right because ho has money, though tin
docs not pay Just debts nor prnctlco
deeds of charity."
WILL USE ASIATICS
AND AFRICANS IN
HER WARS-
suppressing tho Hungarian Insurrec
tion in 1848, nnd of the Sultan's action
In endeavoring to put down tho rising (
in Dulgurlu in 1876 by means of ir
regular Dashi-DnzotikH, recruited from
tho most barbarous portion of his Asi
atic dominions.
Several yours nfterward, at tho tlmo
that England seemed to be on thu
verge of war with Russia, a Htnnll con
tingent of Indian cavalry waa brought
to Malta, which created such an out
cry and storm of prote3t. even lu Great
Drltuln. that the men were quickly
shipped iiack to Dombay. Their visit
to .Malta, however, served to remind
Continental Europe of the fact that
the military resource of England
were not lestrlcted solely to her stund- - ""p
Ing army at home, and that her forces l" "
in India must be taken into account. '
This is probably all that Iord Deacons
Held had in view when ho brought ..the
Indian contingent to tho .Mediterran
ean. Tho man who is Imprlsonc.l for llfo
no longer d rends being found out.
with a stick. The little anlm.il was ;i
mongoose, tlie famous India cobra,
fighter. As soon as thu snako was
dead It fled to its hiding place nnd w.
could not coax It out. If 1 over folt
grateful to man or beast It wus to thu
llttlo mongoose that saved my life."
"" rii-Kliit Iti-Rrrr.
Once, every seven or eight years
somebody perpetrates nn Ingenious
fraud In collegiate 'degrees. Thoivle-v
tms are supposed to bo educated men,
hut thoy aro us easily gulled aa In-,
nocent mossbneks. Hitherto tlie de
gree moot In demand has bcon "M. l."
Every quack In the country could get
ono for u few dollars. A "Professor"
In Massachusetts sold thousands some
years ago. No ono ever thinks or
OBklng tho bearer of honors by whom
they wero , conferred. Tho question
would look llko an Impertinence. Tho
latest victims, tho "reverends," are un
deserving of sympathy. Every ono
buying a "D. IV should ho retired
from tho pulpit. It this thing con-.
Unites I shall expect to see all degroo
men required to append tho name of
their university to their honors, ns
Jonathan Hedwurds, LL. I)., Ynle;
Chnrles Elbert Cartwrlght, il, D Har
vard; tho Rev. Deechor Darby Van-
dyko, Y). r Princeton; Ph. n Colum
bia; I). C. L., Cambridge; n, ijt,( 0x.
ford, etc. Now York Pros?.
In tho year 11)00, out of 1,903 raldg 0n
Illicit, stills, C73 were mado In (leorgla
which la a prohibition state oxcejjt a
to four of its cities. Lyt
CiW1
An orator may spout like a whaU
and still bo only u "eliarlc
-4)
7
'v
II
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