MOTHER DRUDGE'S BABIES.
Thyir litllo cottage stands apart
brom all It splendid neighbors,
As if it felt (i touch of shame.
At Mother Drudge's labors.
A bit of vine to make it sweet
Is all it hss, or maybe,
A nansy in a broken pot
lo please the precious baby,
'And there alio works from dawn (ill dark
To keop the kettlo going,
ror all the comforts of their lot
Must l)c of her bestowing.
And would she even breathe a prayer,
80 acanty are her riches,
Her poor petitions must ls dropped
Between tier hurried stitches. ;
With rosy cheeks and rugged limbs, '
With tiny caps and dresses, '
She sees her bonny children blessed, '
Ana comiorts iter distresses.
Unconscious of their stinted lot,
And ignorant of crosses.
Tirnuld seem a shame to pity tlioio
Who never dream of losses.
L
n
1THE GENTLEMAN
By Edwin
" didn't know enough to tuko off
his lllltl"
Ah the elevator Ncdntely moved up
wnrd, bcnrlng Miss Ilallowell to the
eighth tloor, these words were spilled
from It directly Into the sun-burned
can of John Peck, of the Hlxth tloof.
He realized that It wan his lint which
lmd not been "taken off," and that
through the medium of UiIh hat he had
Incurred the dlsploasuto and Hcorn of
Miss Ilallowell.
He Inserted a key In the keyhole of
Apartment 003, entered, and strode
uoltdly through the Inner hall until bo
reached his room. He wan angry and
hurt. Nothing ho cruel an a woman's
tongue, and nothing that Uwivch 11 mau
bo defenceless.
John removed tho offending hat, nnd
examined It critically even approv
ingly. It wan a Hombrero. Tho
chances were that no lint In that whole
great city could equal It In fineness of
texture nnd In genuine worth. "Out
Went," from where John Peck recent
ly had come (and where at this mo
ment he heartily wlshod he were), the
quality of a hat In of supreme Impor
tance. A lint is actually an Integral
part, not merely au adjunct, of a
wardrobe. It Is carefully selected,
Jealously cherished and proudly worn
uh a thing of art.
The cowboy l more tendiy of his
boots and of his lint than he Is of his
pony.
However, despite tho evident fact
Hint thlH was n lint to be esteemed
among nil rival hats, John admitted
to himself that he ought not to have
kept It on his head white he was In tho
elevator with a woman. It dawned
upon him that there Is a distinction
between private and public elevators.
He had committed au error against
society. Take a mau who has been on
the range for seven or eight years, and
lu that period scarcely has seen a
woman, and transplant lilm to a city,
and although at heart he Is a gentle
man he Is likely at tlrst to scratch tho
polish of metropolitan civilization.
Thus to oblige 11 woman, whether
pretty or ugly, John Peck might bravo
n norther, but he might meet her the
next day In an elevator and forget to
doff his hat.
Miss Ilallowell had learned only the
latter portion of this hypothesis, and
now up on the eighth tloor she was
graphically recounting to her friends
her truly harrowing expeilence. Miss
Ilallowell, maiden lady, was largo
nnd angular and severe, but she had
u little mind, easily disturbed.
"I Just glared at him all the way,"
she recited, with proper emphasis,
"yet I don't believe he even thought of
his lint! I never heard of such a per
formance! He looked like a cowboy,
and tho little fellow lu the elevator
says that he rooms on the sixth, lu the
Morris apurtmeuts. I shouldn't think
the Morrises would take a lodger like
that!"
"He's a relative of Mr. Morris," ex
plained one friend, "and I understand
he's from Arizona. Anyway, bo's
come to tho city to stay awhile, and of
course Mr. Morris felt obliged to give
him a room until he found permaueut
Quarters."
"Well, ho Isu't n gentleman!" as
sorted Miss Ilallowell, conclusively.
For Miss Ilallowell was quite sure
that she knew 11 geutlemnu when she
buw him.
While on tho top tloor of the build
lug Miss Ilallowell had been vigorous
ly narrating and condemning; while
two floors below John Peel; had been
sitting on his bed wruthfully brooding
over criticism by effete society; while,
later, Miss Ilallowell had descended
to her own apurtmeuts at (117. on the
sumo tloor with those of the misbe
having Morris family, fur down lu the
basement n tire had been born, mid
from moment to moment It had beeu
growing.
Drought forth lu stealth, lu stealth
it sought to live until Its stature was
assured. At 8 o'clock that night It
bad been only a tiny dicker of tlnmo
which tho breath of a bubo might have
overcome. At 0 o'clock two buckets of
water could have prevailed against it.
At 10 o'clock a single extinguisher,
wisely wielded, could have subdued It.
At 11 o'clock It still was afraid to be
seen. So slowly and so craftily wos It
eatlug Into tho cranny leading betweeu
tho walls.
Hut1 at 12 o'clock It had arrived to
Its manhood, It had established Its
stronghold, uud It was ready to tlaunt
tho red banner of detlance m tho face
of a thousand people.
Therefore It recked not f lint during
tho midnight hour tho en :!ncer, tar
dily traversing the corrMor, smelt
And yet of all their little lives
They miss this crowning gloiy,
To cuddle close in mothers arms
And listen to her story.
They never watched how many stars
Are in the golden dipper,
Or fell asleep at dark to dream
Of Cinderella 'a alippci,
1
The doughty giant Hercules
May charm their wiser neighbors
They never heard a -word of him
Or all his mighty labors!
Of Midas, and the golden touch
He craved to make him richer;
Or how the milk came foAtnlng u
In old Philemon's pitcher.
The daily fight for dally bread, H
For little coats and clresnes,
Leaves scanty time for Mother Drudgo
To dream of tendernesses,
Yet though tho days and weeks are full
Of disappointed maybe'
Life seems n sweet nnd jlrnAtit thing
To Mother Drudge's babies.
Ola Moore, iu Youth's Companion.
L. Sabln.
smoke, nud peering lu saw lire, and,
nwnkenlng the elevator boys ns ho
ran, rushed to the alarm box nud
pulled the lever.
Fast ns sped the elevator boys from
story to story, summoning the tenants,
faster sped the flames. The tine apart
house, with Its convenient hallways,
Its unique furnishings of maple, Its
varnished floors, Its tastefully tinted
colllngs, was after all a very flimsy
structure. The contractors deemed
that they were the only ones to know
this but fire long had been lu posses
sion of the secret.
John Peck, sleeping the sound slum
ber of a perfectly healthy tiiun. at tho
end of an Inside hall, with the Mos
rises absent for the night, and no ono
near to arouse lilm, and Miss Hallo
well, slightly deaf, also asleep nt the
end of au luside hall opposite him, did
not comprehend the situation until
their rooms were thick with smoke
nud tho blaze wns seeking for them.
When they leaped from their beds they
fouud tho tloor hot to their feet.
The man and the woman emerged
from their apartments simultaneously,
and met face to face on the lauding.
No thought now or outward semblaueo
of lady nud gentleman.
The elevator shaft was a Hue up
which whirled gusts of resinous smoke,
glowing cinders and bursts of torrid
air, while from stairs beneath little
llames spouted eagerly. The draft
caused tho doors to shim behind the
two. Tho elevator cage was some
where below nnd descending.
"Quick-try the buck way!" cried
John. "Through our apartment
hurry!"
"Oh, I enn't, I can't!" walled Miss
Ilallowell, frantically. "I can't move.
My knees nre so weak!"
"But you must!" appealed John.
"Olve 1110 your hand give It to me, I
sayl" Her collapse Irritated lilm.
"(Jet up! I'll carry you, but you must
try to walk."
"No, no, I can't," she answered,
with a sob. "Go on. Don't you dare
to touch me! I'd rather die here thau
get caught lu that long corridor."
"Then the tire escape In front," ho
urged. "I'll help you."
"No, 110!" she protested hysterically,
raising her hands to keep lilm nt n
distance. "Don't touch me! don't touch
me! PI Btay here. You go!"
"O thunder!" ejaculated John, with
n sudden lapse Into his forceful West
ern speech. "I'm shore not goln' to
leave you bore nil nlotie."
"You Jest get under this, and I'll
make a try for that blamed elevator,"
he said, as lightly as he could, and he
clapped on her head his sombrero,
which through habit he had snatched
as he was bolting through his room.
For n second time while lu her coin
puny he was wearing It.
He pressed the electric button, but
alrendy the elevator wns crawling up
ward, after Its lust load clutched nt
by the hungry Humes ns It brushed
them lu passing.
From lauding to landing It came,
taking on lu ones ami twos persons
who, like Miss Ilallowell, had been un
able to help themselves, or who, Hko
John, linn remained to help others.
None would wait for the downward
trip, for who could tell what might
happen between minutes?
The heat now was Intense, and the
cage Avns lu the midst of a greedy,
roaring furnace. Fire from the stairs
curled Into the sides of the elevator,
and when It had swept painfully by
licked Its retreating tloor. Its load
was lu torture. Meu and women alike
fought the operator as he bravely per
sisted iu ascending.
As he wrenched It back the door of
the shaft blistered John's hands.
"Can't go no higher!" gasped the ele
vator hoy, us the cage hesitated oppo
site. "(Jet lu, quick!"
"Quick! Quick!" echoed the people,
writhing as they were Jostled against
the hot Iron-work of their prison.
"For (lod's sake, don't stop! There's
no room!" shouted the voice of a mau
maddened by torture. "Down! down!"
"You bet there's room, parduer," re
plied John, recklessly. "Lots of It!
Ladles tlrst " nud with a swift mo
tion he dragged Miss Ilallowell from
her knees and fairly rammed her In
betweeu tho squirming bodies.
Then then In an Instant some
frenzied hand Jerked the lever and tho
cage shot down. Flames from the
fourth tloor closed over It like a bar
rier, nud sprang vongefully up tho
stairway.
Thus abandoned, John Peck turned
to the door of tho Morris apartment.
Hut the night-latch bad fallen Into
place and bis keys were In his room.
Desperately ho tried Miss Hullowell'a
door. That, too, wns locked. Ho
dashed nt the stnlrs. A volcano of
tiro met lilin, smote lilm in tlio face
nnd hurled lilm backward. Tbo Criterion.
SPEED OF AN EARTHQUAKE.
Preliminary Tromora Travel nt tha Kate
of 045 Miles a Mlnnte.
Speaking of tho Indlnn earthquakes
of 1807, a London scientist says tho
vibrations traveled to Europe, where
they wore recorded nt very ninny sta
tions, nud no doubt would hnvo been
lequnlly well recorded nt any other
places on tho surface of our world
had thero been provided suitable In
struments. Tbo preliminary tremors,
which nro probably wnvcH of compres
sion, traveled through tho world to
reach Italy nnd other countries with
nu nvernge ratu of 845 miles per
minute, or 0.0 kilometers per second
ft into which, It will bo observed, Is
higher than that nt which similar
movements can be transmitted
through glass or steel. The large
wnves, wlilch are probably quasl-clun-tic
gravitation waves, by traveling
over the surface of the eorth, reached
Europe at n rate of 11. 'i tulles per min
ute, or 2.08 kilometers per seconds.
It is likely that these Inttpr disturb
ances renched stations lu Kuropo by
traveling from their origin In two di
rections round the world. As an Indi
cation of this, we are told that at sev
eral of the European stations slight
undulations nre to be seen on the
sclsmogrnms nt times we should ex
pect to And such markings, had they
traveled from India to Kurope by the
longest possible route. From the period
of these wnves, which Is tnken nt
twenty-two seconds, nnd their velocity,
their length mny bo Inferred, nn estl
tnnto of which Is thirty-four miles;
while their height, ns deducted from
their length, nnd the maximum nnglo
of tilting, Is estimated nt twenty
Inches.
The slowness of tho movement wns
such that they could not be felt, while
the magnitude wns such that the un
aided eye of an observer would not
be nblo to recognize any differential
movements In bis surroundings. The
largeness of these disturbances nnd
their grent duration, extending over
severnl hours, preclude them from tho
cntegory of tremors, !brntloiifl or ml
crosclsms. Pittsburg DIspntcb.
Itnts Clogged the Furnace Flue.
A Slater tunn tells n rnt story which
ho assures n reporter Is absolutely
true:
"Severnl days ago, John, the col
ored man employed by Hull & Ed
wards, butchers, went to the slaughter
house," Bold he, "and nttempted to
stnrt a Uro uuder tbo scalding vnt.
For some unnccountnble renson he
could get 110 draft through the chim
ney. It developed luter that on ac
count of tho earth being wnrm under
the vnt from previous tires, the rats,
wlilch were known to be uumorous
about the slaughter house, had tnken
refuge uuder It. There wns but one
wny for them to get out and that wns
to como through the mouth of the
furnace. As they left the furnace
John got n stick and begun slaughter
ing them. He succeeded In killing 104,
by actual count, and I presume moro
got away than were killed. So many
had taken refuge under the vnt that
the drnft was cut off. After they made
their exit no further trouble wob ex
perienced In making the tiro burn.
In addition tho rats have been very
senrce round nbout the other slough
ter houses since the rat Killing bee."
Kausas City Journal.
l'otent Cautu of Forest Fire.
The most frequent causes of wood
land tires In our Stuto (New York) are
the small Ures started by farmers for
the purpose of burning brush, logs
nud stumps, In order to clenr some
piece of land. These nre kuowu lo
cally ns fallow Arcs, nud the opera
tion is generally alluded to as burning
n Toiler." This work, us 11 rule. Is
carelessly done, nud as the farmer
alwnys selects u dry time lu order to
get u good burn, ns bo terms It, the
nre escapes too frequently into the nd-
Jolhlug forest. Having plied the
brush and logs Into heaps fur burn
ing, the farmer seldom employs any
extra help to guard against tho es
cape of the tire, and so when a breeze
springs up, as Is very apt to be tbo
case, he Is uuuble to control the Humes
or prevent them from being driven
into the adjoining woods. Too often
he Is known to set tire to bis brush
heaps and then go away to attend to
other work, leaving tho lire un
watched. Nearly all the burned nrens
in the Adiroudnck region ure due to
the carelessness of men employed In
these petty agricultural operations.
Report of Forest, Fish uud Guuio Com
mission. Concerning "Whatcom."
Tho citizens of New Whatcom,
Washington, nssert nud publish to the
world thnt when Undo Sam lately In
vited bis children to stand up and be
counted, they, the said citizens, wero
not counted accurately. Tho census
gavo New Whatcom a population of
less than 7000. Tho citizens, being
convinced that their numerousuess
had beeu understated, appointed a com
mittee, wlilch employed enumera
tors who counted citizens In Now
Whatcom up to tho number of 0135,
and sworo to their count New What
com, through Its Commercial Club, 1b
diffusing the news that It Is bigger
than Uncle Sam thinks. It Is n pleas
ure to aid It lu spreading word of Its
growth, uud also tbo news that by
act of Legislature It Is Now Whatcom
no longer, but has dropped the "New"
from Its nnino nud Is now plain What
com. K. S. Mnrtlu, lu Harper's Week
iy. The Flontlnj; Population.
There are alwnys 1,200,000 people
afloat ou the seas of tho world.
King Edward has pnld nn American
artist, Edwin A. Abbey, n. marked
compliment In selecting him to pnlut
the brilliant coronntton scene.
An Ingenious Austrian proposes to
reach the North Pole In a submarine
boat sunk ISO feet below tbo surface.
Now, wouldn't tbnt freeze you!
Mr. Carnegie mny object to dying
rich. But ho has made too many
friends to permit him through nny
possible reverso of fate to die poor.
Wireless telegraphy has reached n
rndlus of 200 miles. Transatlantic
transmission by this method Is yet n
long wny from becoming n possibility.
In the economy of nnturo It Is now
discovered thnt even nvnlnnches nre
blessings. They tend to eqiinllzc the
climate between the higher Alps nud
the valley, nud make Switzerland
more habitable.
If the development of a child's habit
of observation through parental as
sistance In acquiring knowledge of ob
jects could be accurately gauged In Its
effect on making character. It would
probably ibo found that the Infant
mind whoso curiosity wns sntlstled
Inld tho foundation of success, while
tho Infntit mind whoso curiosity wns
thwnrted Inld the foundation of fail
ure, observes the Sunny South.
For wnnt of authoritative standards
lu the United States it has been nec
essary for manufacturers and for the
Government Itself to send many deli
cate Instruments to Germany to be
tested nnd made accurate, states the
Chicago Tribune. This wns not only
expensive uud somewhat humiliating,
but It wns a serious hnudlcnp to busi
ness. American Instruments were tn
more or less disfavor abroad, because
It wns said their exactness could not
bo depended upon. Germany's stand
ardizing burenu has undoubtedly been
ouc of the chief tTuuses of the remark
able progress In mnuufncturlng of thnt
country. England nnd France have
such bureaus, and It wns high time
the United Stntes wns attending to
the mntter, If It wished to keep pnee
with modern science.
One English! humorist presents An
drew Cnrncglo with n new outlet for
bis nllogcd forty-nine superfluous mil
lions. "You believe," snys the humor
IstB, "thnt Anglo-Amerfcnnlsm Is built
to run the world. Instend of fritter
ing your money nwuy lu odd millions
plunge right off nud build forty-nine
battleships to be nt the Joint disposal
of Euglnnd nud America for philan
thropic nnd police purposes. So give
Anglo-Snxonry control of the world,
nud get yourself a glory and fame
wlilch would put very much lu the
shade Caesar, Shnkcspcrc, and the
present Mr. Audrew Carnegie. It Is,"
be adds, "quite simple. You have the
money. Wultz right In nnd scoop the
pool." The suggestion, ridiculous ns
tt Is, opens up unpleasant suggestions
of the possible uses of the colossal
private fortunes of modern times.
A clergyman working In a large
town Is almost certulu to discover that
he Is lu 11 wuy looked upou us com
mon property. Whnt he knows dis
tinctively as his parish bears but u
small proportion to the Held which,
reasonably or unreasonably, he will be
expected to occupy. He Is presumed
to have 11 heart for everybody's woes,
to be a solvent for everybody's prob
lems, to be n treasury for everybody's
necessities, uud a general bureau of
Information, wrlfes the Itev. Dr. C.
U. Fnrkliurst, In the Philadelphia Sat
urday Evening Post. He Is also sup
posed to be uble to speak with equul
fecundity and effect ou nny occasion
that may offer and upou any theme
that the occasion mny suggest, nnd to
bo so charged with versatile stores of
fnucy epigram nud nonsense as to re
quire for the emergency only the cusy
turning of the spigot.
The wonderful activity among writ
crs of tlctlou now being displayed In
their effortH to write successful plays
has two estimable points which ure
worth considering. Ono of these con
cerns tbo author; tho other, the pub
lic. The tlrst is tluauclal; the second
Is artistic. Tho novelist's eagerness
to appear ou tho boards Is fouud lu
the fact that the great majority of
novels sell less than 2000 copies,
which, ou au nvcruge, will yield the
author from $250 to ?300. On the oth
er bund, 11 play that Is only moder
ately successful will yield Its author
ulmost nt once $500 or $1000. And
that is why all writers of fiction seem
now bound ou this road to speedy
riches. Many of them, however, tuko
tho Indirect course of writing tho
novel tlrst. For this reason climaxes
nro handled with moro care, the din
loguo Is brighter, uud Incidents cro
multiplied.
JFT LftA1 ml
Three Tears.
You are three years old today, little
man.
Do you know what a birthday is?
You can count threti lingers or sugar
plums Or thrco baby birds, I wis,
Or three sweet kisses to mamma give,
On her I Ins and her loving eyes:
Hut years, I am sure, you do not know
What they are, uor what time is tliut
flies.
You think 'tis a bird with golden wings
And feathers nil crimson and blue.
Hush! never hint that its plumcj will
change
One day to n darker hue.
Kute Lawience, in Kvory Other Sunday.
Rome Thing You Can't Do.
You can't stniid for live minutes
without moving If you are blindfolded.
You can't stand at the side of a
room with both of your feet touching
the wainscoting lengthwise.
You can't get out of a chair without
bending your body forward or putting
your feet uuder It; that Is, If you ore
sitting squarely ou the chair and not
ou the edge of It,
You enn't crush nn egg when plnced
lengthwise between your hands; that
Is, If the egg is sound uud has the
ordlnnry shell of a hen's egg.
You can't break a match if the
mntch Is laid across the nail of the
middle linger of either baud and
pressed upon by the tlrst nnd third lin
gers of that hand, despite Its seeming
so easy at tlrst. American Hoy.
Queer Nest-llulldlnar.
Two of tho queerest nest-builders
lu the world have their habitat In Cen
tral America. One of them is a wren,
and the other Is nn oriole. First, ns
to the wren. It selects n smnll tree
thnt has horizontal branches growing
close together. Across two of the
branches It lnys sticks, and fastens
them to each other with tlbre, until
It has made a platform about six feet
In length by two feet In width. On
the end of the platform, nearest the
tree-trunk, It builds n great dome
shaped nest, nt lenst a foot In height,
tho sides being formed of luterwoveu
thorns.
Then It constructs n crooked, tunnel
shaped passage-way from the nest to
the outer end of the platform, and iu
the tunnel, nt Interval, it builds little
thorn fences, lenvlng Just room
enough for Its body to pnss through.
A fence Is nlso built nt the outer end
of the tunnel, with a little gateway lu
tho middle, ami when the bird goes
out, It closes the gateway with thorns,
so that Its enemies cannot get m to de
vour either eggs or nestlings. In nil
this elaborate work, It Is doing what
Its protective Instinct calls for.
The oriole's work Is much le&s elab
orate, but equally Ingenious. It se
lects a large banana leaf, and with
Its bill fur a needle, nnd some strong
grass for thread. It sews the two edges
together, following the grain of the
leaf close by one of the veins; and It
does the work so neatly tliut It takes
close examination to llnd the stitches.
lu this cunningly-devised pocket the
bird builds a nest of soft grass or of
hair, and there lays her eggs nnd
raises her little family, without fear
of discovery.
Tornado, Mot Cyclone.
Perhaps It might be well for us to
pay a little more attention to the terms
used In meteorology, now thnt the
Government Weather Bureau nnd
other authorities nro nil tbo time mak
ing us moro familiar with that science.
One term that is constantly nud per
sistently misused is cyclone.
The universal notion Is that the
storm that recently wrecked the city
of Gnlveston wns n cyclone. The term
Is nlso Invariably applied to the vio
lent storms thnt sweep through the
West. Such storms are not cyclones,
but tornadoes. They are Incidents of
the cyclone, not the cyclone Itself.
A cyclone Is a large disc of nearly
horizontally moving air, which circu
lates spirally around a central area.
It may bo twenty miles lu diameter, or
it may be 3000. A tornado Is a vio
lent disturbance of limited extent
within tho cyclone. It is n narrow
column of air varying lu width from
twenty to 1400 feet, which rotates
with Immense rapidity round a central
shaft, up which It also ascends with
almost equal rapidity.
A cyclone sometimes covers nearly
all the United States; a tornado sweeps
along a narrow path with frightful
velocity, leaving ruin and death wher
ever It touches. The meteorologists
are nil the time explaining the differ
ence between them, but wo go on, Just
the snuie, cnlllug n tornado a cyclone.
A tornado has Its counterpart, lu a
very simple, harmless way, lu tho lit
tle dust-whirl that every oue has seen
ou n country road, or even In n city
street, ou n hot, still day. The air Im
mediately nbovo the surface of tho
ground becomes superhented with the
sun's rays, and lies bnlnuced there un
der tho heavier overlylug ulr. Sudden
ly something disturbs the equilibrium
It may be the flight of a bird or of
an bisect when the hot and lighter
nlr escapes upward, being forced to
ascend by the descent of the heavier
stratum.
The ascending current nt once ns
sutnes n whirling motion, for It draws
In more nlr at the bottom, nnd ns these
lines of Indraft fall to meet precisely
at the centre, but miss their aim to ono
side or another, n whirl Is established.
As the motion becomes brisk, dust par
ticles nro gnthered up by It, nnd thus
wo have, lu mlnlnture, tho tornado
Unit Is the most terrible force lu nature.
THE MISS N0MEH3.
Miss Drown is exceedingly fair,
Miss White is ns red as a berry.
Miss Black has a gray head of hair,
Miss Graves is a flirt ever merry;
Miss Lightbody weighs sixteen stone
Miss Rich scarce can muster a guinea,
Miss Horc wears a wig and has none,
And Miss Solomon is a sad muiiy!
Miss Mildmay's a terrible scold,
Miss Dove's ever cross and contrary;
Miss Young is now grown very old,
And Miss Heaviside's light as a fair y t
Miss Short is at least five feet ten,
Miss Noble's of humble exti action,
Mis Love has n hatred toward men,
Whilo Miss Still is forever in action.
Miss Green is a regular blue,
Miss Scarlet looks pale as n lily.
Miss Violet ne'er shrinks from our view,
And Miss Wiseman thinks all the men
silly.
Miss Goodchild is a naughty young elf.
Mis Lyon's from terror n fool,
Miss Mce's not at nil like myself,
Miss Carpenter no one can rule!
Ml Wright she is constantly wrong,
Miss aTickcll, alas! i not funnv;
Mi Singer ne'er warbled n song,
And alasl poor Miss Cash has no monevj
Mis lutein. in would give nil she's worth
To purchase n man to her liking.
Ml Merry is shock'd nt all mirth,
Miss Boxer the men don't find Ktt iking!
Mis Win does with sorrow o'rrllow.
Miss Hope in despair seek the tomb;
Miss Jov Htill anticipate woe,
And Miss Charity's never ",tl home!"
Miss Hamlet resides in a city,
The nerves of Mls Standfast are shak
en; Miss Pretiman's beau is not nrctty,
Miss Faithful her love has forsaken!
Pick-Mc-Up.
HUMOR OK THE DAY.
Nell "He has perfect eyes." Belle
"Yes, but none of bis features com
pares with bis cheek,"
Miss Fltte "Is he nn ntithor of dis
tinction" Do Wit te-" Well, they say
he's out of debt." The Smart Set.
"Yes, Indeed." said he; "I think she
has a complexion like a pencil." "I
suppose." replied her rival, "you refer
to the fuzz all over It."
Hewitt "No news Is good news."
Jowett "That may be, but If you uro
n reporter you can't make your city ed
itor believe It." Hrooklyn Life.
"Sing a song of sixpence,"
The song is dead, I vow.
Nobody sings of nny less
Thau several millions now.
Washington Star.
"I have followed the sen for forty
years," said the captain. "And didn't
you ever catch up with It?" giggled
the silly youug thing. Philadelphia
llecord.
Salesman "This Is called the 'ban
quet vest.' " Customer "Why do you
call It that?" Salesman "It has elas
tic gore down the sides." Ohio Stnto
Journal.
"Why do you weep, fair maid?" I cried.
"I am so happy, sir," she sighed.
"Then why," I said, "this awful fuss?"
She wailed: "It's no monotonous!"
Philadelphia Hecord.
She "I heard about your elopement
with Gertie Glddyglrl. Mr. Snooks.
Has her mother forgiven you?" He
"No fear. She knows how to pay oft
nn old score. She has come to live
with us." Tlt-Blts.
The French Duellist "Are you sure
tho police will be there lu time to stop
tho light?" Tho Second "Host easy.
In order to guard accidents I have ar
ranged to have the police arrive tlrst."
Cleveland Plnlndealor.
With n low, despairing sigh the
shade of Napoleon liouaparte sank
Into obscurity. "I thought I had u
chauco to enter the magazine once
more." he groaned. "Hut no! They
are going to publish the love letters of
great men." Chicago News.
Mr. Courtenay (flatteringly) "I had
tho blues awfully when I came here
to-night, Miss Fisher, but they nre all
gone now. You are ns good as medi
cine." Miss Fisher's Little Brother
"Yes, father says she will be a dmg In
the market If she doesn't mnrry you."
-Tlt-Blts.
"WelT" snld he, nnxlous to patch
up their quarrel- of yesterday, "aren't
you curious to kuow what's lu that
package?" "Not very," his wife, still
unrelenting, replied Indifferently. "It's
something for the ouc I love best lu
tho world." "Ah! I suppose It's thoso
suspenders you said you needed."
Philadelphia Press.
Uncle Nam's Deep-Hen Kiulpment.
The Albatross Is one of the few ves
sels afloat to-day that are properly
equipped for deep-sea exploration. She
hns all the newest apparatus, Includ
ing trawl nets that muy be dragged
along the ocean floor nt a doptb of
three miles or more; hugo tungleu of
raveled rope that gather up tho star
ilshes, sea urchins, corals, sea fans and
sponges from the bo .torn; Improved
Instruments for determining depths
nnd the water temperature nt uny
level; nnd Inst, but not lenst, n Inborn
tory on bonrd for the study of tbo
curious creatures brought to the sur
face by the nets and other devices.
There nre tunks of alcohol, cases full
of Jurs nnd bottles for specimens,
chemical conveniences, microscopes,
and even a photographic dark room,
lu which plrtures of Interesting ani
mals mny be developed. Pearson's
Magazine.
Mr. Wagne' Mcnudal.
"My dear." said Mr. Wugge. "as I
came by Mrs. Gazzam's liouso Just
now I saw Mrs. Gazzam in the parlor
kissing somo ono who wns not her er
was not Mr. Gnzzain!"
"Ob, Henry!" gasped Mrs. Wagge.
"Are you sure? Well, did you ever?
Oh, my! But I've always suspected
Mrs. Gazzam. She's much too sancti
monious, you know. Klsslug why,
I must call up Mrs. Jorklns ou tho
telephone nnd tell her nil about It.
Kissing a I don't suppose you could
see who it wns, Henry V
"Yes," snld Wagge, "l could, qulto
distinctly."
"You could? Oh, Henry, who was
It? Anybody we know?"
"Oh, yes. It; was Mrs. Gazznm's
mother!"
"You brute!" Harper's Bazar, J
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