Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About The Red Cloud chief. (Red Cloud, Webster Co., Neb.) 1873-1923 | View Entire Issue (March 29, 1901)
WHEN WE DROP THE BROOM AND
When wo drop the broom and needle and
beneath the falling lcaes
Take the long, long sleep that coined to
Will an angel come to comfort every soul
that sits and grhnea,
With a message clear as writing on a
Saying, "She that passed away, though her
feet were made of clay,
Bore a hcarfas chaste aa gold,
Though she woic the coiiiinon okc, every
ayllalile she spoke
Was uplifting, glad ami bold.
No indifference or dlidain kept her free
from other' pain. .
Life waa precious to lief, every drop.
Tor the querulous complaint, for tlio
breath of scandal faint,
She had necr time to Htop.
She hai gone, but.ntlll her fare, like a sun
beam, haunts the place,
And the memory of her foot upon the
Like a bre'eze upon the brow, like a per
fume from a bough, ,
Put an end to sighing, mourning and
When the silent voices call, and the dajs
and years shall fall,
.Silent fall, like the leaves upon the lea,
Will the angel speak such words of you
and me? ,
, Good Housekeeping.
AS GOOD AS GOLD.
IT was n pleasant place the old
mill where ltlln Clinton lived with
her father, and where his father
had lived before him. rur llfty
yearn the biiHy wheels had turned .u
their plaeeH, and tnoriiliiK "Her morn
ing, iih boy and mini, Peter Canton
had listened to their music, until ho
felt iih If he could never be content
to live or ole nnywhero else.
It wiih a lovely landscape, too, Hint
was spread out before him as he
looked out fiom the mill window, with
pretty Kltn peeping over his shoulder.
In the tops of the elm trees life wns
beginning to stir, for It wua the llrst
brlKlit day In May; and down In the
short, green grass, the sort wind
eiept long with niurmu'lng enrcHses.
There weie apple trees full of blush
ing bloom, and oer them red-breasted
loblns were twUtcilug.
"All," said Rltn, with n long, wish
ful bicnth, "shall we not be happy
when It Is all our own? Those smiling
hollows nud little drenms of bills, that
green lane and the beautiful meadow,
and best of all, this dear old mill."
"What would you do, child," said
the old miller, without turning his
head, "If you had to give It all up and
go away to a sttange place V"
"What do you mean, papa? Surely
theie Is no such danger as Hurt for
us?" bald Kltn, opening wide her blue
The old man sighed wearily, ns he
turned away from the fnlr landscape.
"Papn, you would not leave this denr
home? Why, If I were In the fairest
garden In the world, 1 should dream
of the old stone mill, hear the sound
of our laughing waters, and die of
"Illta, dialing, you do not mean what
"I do, Indeed, papn. You are vexed
about thnt little mortgage, are you
"Little, Itita? It Is a hundred nml
llfty dollars, and llfty Is all 1 have
been able to save In these lust two
rtl know It," returned Rltn, with n
bright blush; "but, papa, only last
night Gustnve said ho would buy a
share In the mill, und then you can
pay the debt that so worries you!"
"When you and Gustnve marry but
when will that be?"
"Next summer, papa. He will hnve
no money until then. Hut wo cnu all
wnlt a little to be so nappy I"
Itltn laughed merrily, but old Tcter
"Now, papa, something else troubles
you. Let me share your secret, that Is
clouding your face In the midst of all
this sun shining."
"Rita," said the old man, slowly,
"you iove Gustnve dearly?"
"Surely, papn, with the life of me."
"And you could never give lilm up
to mnrry another?"
"No, no! Why, pnpn, trouble has
liewlldered your brain."
"Yes, little Rltn, I fenr It Is so. Old
Toudeldorf, who held this mortgngo,
to his own loss, for It was duo Two
years ago, lias sold It to his nephew,
and the young mnu demands It at
once, with Interest."
"Not Hafe Vondeldorf!" exclaimed
Itltn, with Hashing eyes.
"Yes, Itltn; and he will make only
"What Is It?" she nsked, with n
sparkle of determination In her blue,
"That you will consent to be his
wife, my child. Then he will never
trouble me for the money. And. Hltn,
ho Is coming to-night for his answer."
"Oh, papa!" sighed Kltn. softly, "Is
there no other way to save you such
"lie Is u rich young tuau, nud can
give yon a better home than Gustnve
"What care I for his gold when be
In lugs no true heart with It?"
"Hut he loves you, lay child"
"No! He loves only himself, nud he
would not even regurd n snered prom
ise, when I should bo his wife. Papa,
never wish me such a fate as that!"
"As what, Miss Ulta?"
It was ltafo Vondeldorf, who hntl
stolen In upon them unawares, who
put the question.
"Wo were talking alwut lenvlng our
home, Rafo Vondeldorf. Do you know
It would brenlc my father's heart to
leave tho old plnce?"
"You need not leave It, Miss Rltn."
"I mil not speaking of nivself, but of
him. Ills peace of mind Is dearer to
ine than my own pleasure! A thousand
"There Is n way to Insure It."
"There inny be more ways than one,"
she snld, thoughtfully.
"Why look further, Hltn? You can
pay your father's debt, If you will."
"Did yon know, when you came here,
Rnfe Vondeldorf, that 1 had promised
to be Gustavo Foder's wife?"
"I I had beard such a rumor," ho
"It Is not rumor merely, but truth!
Wofild you make a perjured woman
"I would do anything to win you,
Itita. You shall pay me for the old
"I have no money," snld Illln, cold
ly. "Hut your denr little linnil, fnlr Rita
that Is ns good ns gold."
As good ns gold!
What nut thoso words Into his
mouth! Little he knew, us ho stood
watching her delicious young beauty
with eager eyes, of the train of
thought he had started!
"How long will you give me to de
cide?" she nsked In a low voice.
"You may choose your own time.
Hut If your answer Is 'no,' the mill
must be soldi"
"You may go now, nud a week front
to-night I will give you my answer."
There was nothing els for him to
do, for Itita had turned her bade on
him. and wns leaning over her"7nther
with n flushed but eager face,
He drew IT fierce luciitli of desire,
ajHie thought to himself what n treas
ure' lie would gain, nud then turning
nwny, went down the valley out of
sight. Rita's heart was dancing with
in her, for she leinemb'ered she had
what was as good as gold, nnd thnt
with thnt treasure, she could buy her
father a full cup of Joy,
The next dny Rltn was missing
from tho mill, nud neither her father,
Gustnve, nor Rnfe Vondeldorf knew
where to look for her. Just as they
were preparing to search for her,
Gustavo received n note, saying tho
wedding outfit was purchased, ami
he should be ut the mill with their old
pastor, the next night.
"Gustnve, she will mnrry Rnfe. She
Is cruel to nsk you to come!"
Hut Gustnve trusted the girl he
loved, and so he waited pntleutly for
.lust nt dusk she came home, nud
after kissing her old father nud put
ting in his trembling hand a purse of
gold, she turned to Gustnve, who waa
watching her curiously.
"Gustnve, will you make me your
wife to-night, and come to help father
with the mill?"
"Yes-but take oft the little cap,
Rita. It makes you look ho odd."
"My little cap," Inughed Rita. "That
Is to be the badge of my wifehood,
Gustnve. You must lenru to like It."
Then Rita stood up with her lover,
and promised to be his true nud loving
wife; over them the good old pnstor
stretched his bauds In blessing, nud
the old father kissed them nnd called
them his children.
Then Itltn took off her odd little cap
nnd burst Into tears.
"My glory Is gone, dear Gustavo. Do
you love mo less?"
"Rltn!" screnmed her father, "you
have sold your beautiful golden hair!
The golden glory thut wrapped you
like a veil Is gone!"
But Gustnve held her In nts strong
nrms and k I used her, and so she found
cournge to tell the story:
How the old merchant who had
stopped ut their bouse one night, had
looked at her wonderful hair, and of
fercd her two hundred und llfty dol
lars for It, telling her that In nil his
life he had not ween such n treasure.
"It Is ns good ns gold," he had snld,
and when Hafe had used the same
words, ncchlentnlly, the thought had
Hashed through her mind thut so she
could redeem the denr home, nud mnr
ry her Gustnve.
Rafe Vondeldorf was bitterly en-
raged, when he came for his answer,
to Hud Rltn already a bride, aud he
took the money obtained In such a
strange wny, with n very bad grace;
but the three hnppy hearts In tho old
mill minded bis anger very little, for
the debt was honestly paid, aud Rltn,
dear, fair Rita, would never die of
homesickness. Saturday Night.
Young lew Crim Patrons,
Every duy a big freezer of lee cream
Is made In the Senate restaurant. No
Senator ever eats Ice cream In the dny
time, and the few Indies who take
lunch lu the restaurant rarely call for
It. The chief patrons of the frozen
food nre the page boys.
The love of these youngsters for Ice
cream surpasses nil understanding. It
Is u purely Juveulle tnste, nnd they In
dulge In It to their hearts' content. The
substantial sandwich, the succulent
pie, the ninety and nine other things
that a sensible man would select for
his lunch have no attraction for tho
bright little fellows. They wiwt Ice
cream nnd plenty of it. At lunch time
hnlf n dozen pages can be seen bury
ing their noses into henped-up plates
of Ice cream, while their faces are the
very mlrrorH of contentment.
If It wasn't for tho pages the ice
cream freezer would have to go out of
business. Washington Post.
Missed Ills Cham-.
During his lecture to chlldtcu nt the
Society of Art, Mr. E. Walter Mnuu
der told his audience uu Instructive
story. A certain lecturer In astronomy
observed that some of the students
were not paying due attention, "Mr.
So-and-so," ho called out to one of
them, "will you be good enough to tell
us of what tho corona Is composed?"
The student nddressed hesitated for a
moment, nud then blurted out: "I did
know, sir, but I've forgotten." The
professor looked nt him, nud then ex
claimed; "What a calamity! Hero
we have tho only mnn who over knew
the composition of the coronn, and he
has forgotten!" Loudou Chronicle.
FACTS PROPHETIC OF THE COM.
MERCIAL RISE OF DIXIE.
Tim Ilrmarkaliln Inttuslrlnl Achieve
ments of the Last Klght Years Atlan
tic anil flulf Ports That Am Fronting
by the flrowth of Commerce.
Tho half of the continent lying south
of tho Ohio nud of tho Plntte Is loom
ing up ns an unconquerable trade mag
nate, with probably unshakable deter.,
initiation to do business, on the near
est snlt water. Tho Southern States,
In their remarkable Industrial nehlvc
ments of the last eight years, are
more than re-enforcing the territory
of the Mississippi nnd of the Red
nivcr of the North. Between the Iron,
coal aud timber of the South nnd the
agriculture of the Southwest there has
arisen a spontaneous Interchange that
seems to grow by Its own force. The
cotton mills below the Mason nnd
Dixon line, contrnry to former custom,
send their output straight to the dry
goods and denim merchants of the
Mississippi nnd the Missouri, Instead
of the regions dispatching their or
ders to Boston and New York. Wagons
from Georgia nre ranking their wny
Into the farms of Oklnhoma nnd Ar
kansas, while Kjjnsas City Hour nnd
St. F.onlfl corn, Kansas City hide's and
St. Louis shoes go ns far ns North,
Cnrnllnn and Eastern Tennessee. Cool
nndTrou from the" vicinity of Birming
ham and Knoxvllle nre taking the con
tracts for the building of tilt steel
freight cars to ply on the Southern
ronds. St. Louis has long since made
use of the hard woods of the South
to fortify Its position as the principal
manufacturer lu the United States of
car furniture, of street cars, nnd the
Since the Spanish war has brought
the trade with tho West Indies Into
prominence the heavily capitalized
and determined Illinois Central has
been seconding the efforts of the peo
ple of New Orleans to mnke that point
the principal port of entry for trade
with not only the ndjncent Islands,
but with South America. To some ex
tent the pressure of this movement
has been felt nmong the South Ameri
can firms whose headquarters ore nt
New York. Mobile, ns the terminus of
the Southern Railway, nnd as the
nearest seaport for the Iron Industries
of Alabama. Is growing In the volume
nnd variety of Its articles of com
merce. I'ensncoln Is strengthening ns
one of the principal ports for the
tramp steamship traflic in the South
n trnllle which wont to New York
nnd Boston, Philadelphia and Haiti
more before the awakening of the
South nnd the perfecting of the rail
Again, along the Atlantic const
north fiom Florida to the Chesapeake
Bay, Brunswick, In Georgia, Is be
coming the largest shipper of hard
wood lumber. Charleston and Savan
nah nnd carrying cotton manufac
tures, furniture, etc., to Europe, South
America and South Africa. At Nor
folk Is a harbor naturally the strategic
point for tho trade of the whole South
Atlantic slope. Five or six railroad
systems concentrate In the city, nnd
It has recently been fixed upon by n
number of cooperating railroads ns n
live stock shipping centre. With New
port News. It drains the conl and Iron
fields of West Virginia, somnwesiern
Pennsylviinln nnd Eastern Ohfo. The
commerce of Newport News Itself ad
vanced from $3,250,000 lu ISSTi to $28,
100,000 In 1809.
Over on the western boundary of
the Southern States Memphis moves
along swiftly with lis lumber mills
nnd Its Interstate trnfllc. Justifying Its
assumed name, "the Gate City." aud
practically completing a cordou-of ac
tive, advancing cities nround the aren
In which wns waged the civil strife of
the sixties. All these cities nre com
petitors of the North nnd East. They
are carrying business toward the
South nnd West. Where the States
In the vicinity of St. Louis und Knn
sns City lack manufacturing estab
lishments to support their position ns
Jobbers, these communities supply the
lack and Join forces lu the Gulfwnrd
tendency nnd In the tendency toward
the South Atlantic. Where the States
In the vicinity of Atlanta or Jackson
may lack In the staples of the soil, the
West supplies them. The geography
of It nil Is against New York. Arthur
I. Street, In Alnalee's Magazine-.
lit nix! hounds For Itnllnruy Hevtlee.
Bloodhounds nre now n part of the
equipment of the Oregon Short Line.
The hounds will be kept nt certain sta
tions In Utnh. Wyoming ami Idaho,
where their presence Is thought to be
most needed, tne character of the
country nud the small number of In-
i.ni.itniitu iiffnrrilnir excellent onnor
tunttlcs for the operations ot train rob
The moment thnt wort! of a train
robbery reaches the rullrond otllclnla
a speclnl engine nnd enr containing a
pack of bounds will be sent to tne
scene ut full speed and with resolute
right of wny. Tho bloodhound speclnl
will stop at nothing until It arrives at
the spot where the- bandits were last
seen. Experienced men In charge of
the dogs will put them on the trail.
Denver Evening Post.
Lundoo loltc T'arrn.
The metropolitan police of London
number 13,705. During the past year
eighty-one were Injured whllo stop
plug runnwny horses und twenty-one
were hurt by vehicles while regulnttng
trnfllc. The property btolen lu tho
twelve months was valued at $500,000,
a sum less than has been recorded
slnco 1600. There were 1708 bur
glaries, ngnlust 1872 lu the previous
yenr. Tho number of ex-convicts let
loose from London during the year
amounted to 081. The public left In
licensed vehicles 17,000 umbrellas and
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
The olive Is n comparatively recent
fruit In the United Stntes. for, while
It hns been grown since the time of
the enrly mission fathers In California,
It Is only within the past twenty years
thnt It hns become of commercial Importance.
A new tea company, Influenced by
Dr. Shepard's success, has Just bought
0000 acres of Innil In Colleton County,
8. C Intending to raise tea for the
markef. The company pnld $20,000
for tlio land, and will plant but 100
acres this season, as It is now rather
lato to begin tho preparation of the
ground. Next year over 5000 acres
will be planted, nnd the output Is ex
pected to exceed 300,000 pounds.
Near Rio Grande City, Texas, an Im
mense deposit of an unknown gaseous
substance hns been discovered. Pieces
of It Ignite quickly nnd give out n
strong flame, Which lasts for n re
markably long period. It Is snld by
scientists that tho substauce Is either
nn unknown mineral or ordinary clay
highly charged with natural gas. In
either case the value of the deposit as
fuel Is Immense, ns It covers many
thousands of ncrcs, nud is of Immense
The United Stntes Fish Commission
hns presented to the Academy of Nnt
urnl Sciences n collection of tlsh from
P" orto Rico which contains examples of
new gencrn and species recently made
known to science by Drs. Jordan nnd
Evcrmnnn In their mouumentnl vol
ume on the "Fishes of North Ameri
ca." This work comprises over 33,000
pnges nnd nearly 400 plates. By Its
compilation the authors have certain
ly laid lchthyologlcnl science under a
deep debt of gratitude. '
Banana flour meal Is prepnred by
cutting the fruit Into suitable pieces,
drying and grinding. It Is snld to have
been used by native Inhabitants of
tropical countries since enily times.
Recent experiments show thnt the
dried banana Is a more nutritious food
than the fresh. It contains less protein
than wheat flour or rice, its nutritive
value resting almost wholly In Its ni
trogenous elements. Bnnnnu Hour cnu
be used In combination with milk, su
gar, etc. In the preparation of custards,
cakes and similar nt tides.
A botanist In Germany hns been ex
amining the flowers of Euiope with ..
view to discovering what proportion of
them give out pleasant odor, and
what effect color hns on this point. He
found thnt only 120 out of 4300 kinds
of flowers have a pleasant odor, nearly
all the others being offensive. The
sweetest nre those with white or
cream-colored petnls nnd the next
sweetest. In order, are tho yellow, the
red, the blue, and Inst, the violet. Out
of more than 300 varieties of the violet
only thirteen were found to be sweet.
At the Yule observatory an Interest
lug use has been found for the bicycle
wheel. By llttlng such a wheel with
a series of opaque screens placed nt
regular Intervals and then rotating It.
with the aid of a small motor, nt the
rnte of from thirty to llfty turns lu a
minute lu front of the cameras used
to photograph meteors, Dr. Elkiu bus
succeeded in measuring the velocity of
the meteors' HIgbt. The principle de
pends upon the Interruptions produced
by the screens in the trulls of light
mnde upon the photogrnphlc plntes by
the flying meteors. The velocity of
tho wheel Is known ut every Instaut by
means of a chronogrnpblc record, nnd
the length of the interruptions Indi
cates the speed of the meteors.
Tho UrlUsh Wolf.
Britain has- been infested with
wolves from that remote period con
ventlonnlly termed "the curliest times."
Their fossilized remains nre frequently
discovered, their boues lie about the
untidy floors of prehistoric caves, the
bnrrow-folk made necklaces of their
teeth. They nre mentloued In Welsh
and Saxon laws. The Normnn, how
ever fond of the "tall deer," was not
affectionate toward the wolf, fur In
many feudal tenures, down to the year
1430, appears an obligation to hunt
him. An entry La the account rolls of
Whitby Abbey (quoted by Mr. Hurt
ing) records u payment for dressing
wolf skins In tlie yeur 1301 posslblj
the Intest strictly historical evidence
ns to the English wolf. Mr. Hurting
mentions n tradition Ilia one Barnes,
lu the timo of Henry VIL, was nick
named "Roast Wolf." because he de
stroyed so many of these auimuls,
which Infested Durham nud Yorkshire
(according to- another legend) during
the reign of Elizabeth.
In Scotland, owing to Its physical
character, they existed until n much
Inter period. So recently us 1577 an
act of the Scottish Parliament or-
dnlnod a wolf hunt In ench barony
four times a year. Sir Ewem Cam
eron, slew the lust wolf In Lochcber In
1080., London Spectator.
About Natural l'olltenttM.
Good manners are not n mere matter
ol form. It Is, of course, essential
thnt there be some staudnrd of deport
ment, but tne garment of formal po
liteness Is rnnlly assumed, and may
conceal depravity. True politeness,
the klud thut cannot bo counterfeited,
Hutls Its source in a good heart; sin
cerity Is Its chief clement. To bo
polite In the true sense, one must be
well mannered lu thought nnd feel
ing. If n mother brings her children
up to be self-risiiectlng, sincere, and
considerate of others, sho need not
drill them much In the external forms
of politeness. Sho may rest assured
that they will have innnte good breed
lug, which Is a key to ninny of tile
world's storehouses of success nnd
happiness, Julia Wurd Howe, In Success.
ENCLAND'S NATIONAL DISH.
Consul at Liverpool Nays It Is Now Jam
A wholesale emigration of the Amer
ican smnll boy nnd girl might seem
probable If the latest report of James
Boyle, United Stnte Consul nt Liver
pool, should be dlssemlnnted among
the youngsters. For Mr. Boyle makes
the astonishing statement: "It Is prob
ably a fact that Jam nnd not beef Is
now the nntlonnl dish of the British
er." Mr. Boyle points out thnt, except so
far nn the very noor tare concerned,
Jam or marmalade is on every English
brcnkfnst table, and nn almost univer
sal "sweet" (the English for dessert)
nt luncheon nnd dinner Is n compote,
stew, or tart, of which the chief In
gredient Is preserved fruit. Mr. Boyle
The English people arc the largest
consumers of Jam In the world. It Is
probably the fact that Jam and not
beef Is now the national dish of the
Britisher or, at any rate, Jam (Includ
ing marmalade) runs bacon n close
second. As the United States Is now
supplying a large proportion of the
beef and bacon consumed In England,
she can also, by proper metnoas, cap
ture a great s'laie of UlP tl'"l2 jH
JanT, preiefVes' etc., In this coliGlry.
It Is well known that nowhere In the
United States can better American
fjeef and bacon lie bought than can be
bought In England, and many Atnerl
can visitors declare that better Ameri
can beef can be had In London nnd
Liverpool than can generally be ob
tained in New York or Chlcngo. Ship
pers of American beef to this market
understand that they must send over
the very best In order to compete with
the home nnd colonlnl product.
The English trade In jams nud pre
serves Is increnslug nil the time. A
great revolution is go!n,g on In the Eng
lish table, more especially nmong the
middle nnd working classes. Whnt
were n few yenrs ngo expensive delltn
cles. found only on the tables of the
well-to-do, are now to n great exteut
articles of dally consumption by the
musses, Now York Tribune.
The Senator and the I'rlnce.
There Is n Canadian Senator who
once bought n newspaper from the
future King of England, aud be hasn't
got over It jt. When Prince George
was doing his sen-service he wns sta
tioned some time nt alli '.ifnx aud he
used to run out Into 'tlio surrounding
country on little expeditions. He wns
returuiugonoue occasion by trnln from
a flying trip to n nearby village when
the Senator encountered hltn. The
Senator, who, by the way, was the
Hon. Thomns A. Teinpie, of York
County, New Brunswick, and Is known
ns a rather pompous individual espied
the Prince sitting In the smoker sur
rounded by n pile of newspapers, and
wearing his undress naval uniform,
th enp of vhleh bore some resem
blance to that worn by 'H uniformed
"Here, boy!" called the Senntor
sharply, "Give me a paper."
The young Prince looked up and
quietly handed the lawmaker one of
his papers. The Senator flshed out
two of the cumbrous Cuuudlon coppers
nnd held them out. The Prince took
them gravely, nud luy them ou the seut
Senntor Temple found out Ids mis
take, und wns a very unhappy man,
for if a Canadian Senntor does not
reverence roynlty, who does? New
Italy's King Studies 1'olltlca,
Victor Emmuuuel III. Is new to par
liamentary life, as during his father's
iclgu he kept quite out of politics. The
only time he Is ever known to have
expressed an opinion wus after the
disaster of Adown, when he came ex
pressly to Rome to warn King Hum
bert ugnlnst Crisp!, his reward being
n mouth's confinement lu a fortress.
He Is now extremely busy studying
the practical working of Parliament,
to which end every Deputy hns free
audience to him dally ut 11 u. m. He
Is represented ns a man of sterling
honesty, so that this initiation iuto
political intrigues cannot fall to tie a
great disillusion, but will materially
help to u Just estimate of persons and
things. He certainly starts well
equipped for the nice, ns no. sooner
lmri he ascended the throne than by a
series of ucts he gained, nt on& bound,
the love nud coulldeucc of the nation,
which before had been someUilng less
than lukewarm. Now what Is- required
for a triumphant lluish Is to prove him
self above all energetic, nnd to have
the true Interests of u su.terlng coun
try nt heart. So far ho has shown
every disposition to rultlll this Ideal.
How to Vo u AtadAtoJie.
In Central Ohio n number uf people
have been bitten by mud dogs, und
the mudstone Is having all It can do.
This Is the metuod of treatment: A
small incision Is mnde In the skin of
the patient, preferably ou the hand.
Then the stone, which. Is about the size
of the end of a man's thumb, nnd
translucent, is placed uikiu the cut. If
It sticks there the patient Is infected.
If it does not there Is no fear of hydro
phobia. Such is the popular belief.
If the stone sticks It Is allowed to
stny there until It Is filled with the
poison of the disease, which tnnkco the
stone turn palo green In color.
The Demon Calculator,,
According to the Newcastle (Eng.)
Chronicle, an Industrious calculuUr
has beeu searching out some interest-
lug facts concerning the new century.
He jKiliit:. out that the twentieth cen
tury will contain 30,525 days, which
lacks but one day of being exnetly
5218 weeks. The mlddlo duy of the
ceutury will be .limitary 1, 1031. Fif
teen out of the hundred years will be
gin on Wednesday, aud tho same num
ber on Friday. Fourteen will begin
ou each of the other days of the week.
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
The Wise Man Oetllns: Into the Whirl
High Art A Prolonged Agony Tho
Chief "Dlnarenre" Short Lesson A
Itnrat Longing, Ktc., Ktc.
He keeps a cat for exercise
She knows what she's about;
To let her in, he has to rise
And then to let her out.
Soon he must let her in once more
And so it noes all dav:
That man gets muscle-work galore
Who keeps a cat, I say. '
r Detroit Free Press.
Qettlng Into tho Whirl.
"Is Mrs. McSwngger a member of
tho swell circle?"
"No, she Is simply clinging o the
periphery." Columbus (Ohio) State
Journal. -, 'iiuitfSW '
Jll. .! '
"Oh, Mabel, where did you gel such
a lovely braiding pattern for your
"I copied It from my brass bed
stead." Detroit Free Press.
. J4.f3 i
A Prolonged Agony. C
"Henry, you're such a sleeper. I'm
sure you'd like those arctic nights, six
"No; you're mistaken. In three
months you'd begin by telling mo It
wns time to get up." Chicago Record,
The Chief "IHrrorenco."
Tommy "Sny, pnw, whnt Is the dif
ference between nn amateur poet and
Mr. FIgg "The amateur poet, my
boy, Is the one tint keep the profes
sional starving." ludlnunpol.s Press.
Little Nephew "Is It true, uuclo.t
thnt the bark grows thickest on one
side of a tree?"
Old Uncle Grout-"Yuss!"
Nephew "Which side, uncle?"
Uncle Grout "The outslde."-.Tudge.
A Itural Longing.
"Sny, our bookkeeper is foolish."
"What do you mean?"
"Why, he says when he gets old ho
wnnts money enough to go out and
live where he van sec the moon go
down behind a hedge." Chicago Rec
ord. Large Dlsconnt For Cash.
"If the late Collls P. Huntington's
fortune was equally distributed
throughout tho nation every man.
woman nnd child would get n dollar."
"Sny, ol' boy, I'll assign my dollar
to you for a nickel in cash." Cleve
Arabella "George, Jcar, I want
George "Why, I gave you a check
Arabella "Yes, dear, I know, but
the doctor said I was to lutve plenty of
change." Plek-Mc-Up. j
Ho Had Ileen Kxposed.
"Whore are you rushing so fast?"
"Up to the health otllcv to get vac
clnnted." "Eh! Been exposed?"
"Yep. Telephone girl thfs morning
gave the pesthouse number by nils
take!" Cleveland Plnindoaler.
Ethelluda (who has been singing her
new songs without a sign of approval
from Felix) "You nre tiresome,- Felix
you have no enr for uuisfe."
Felix (artfully) "Never mind, dar
ling, I have au eye for beauty."
(And Ethelluda was soothed.) Pick
More In Sorrow Than Anger.
"Judge," said the lady who was ac
cused of battering her husband, "It Is
true thnt I struck him, but the weapon
I used proves that I did so more In sor
row than lu nuger."
"Whut did you hit him with?"
"A sud Iron. Your Honor."-Baltl-more
A llasls of Settlement.
"Did Morgan give you the lie?"
"Yes; and his second hns Just been
trying to ndjust mntters peticeubly
"Showing the white feather, .oh!
What did he propose?"
"Thnt Morgan should withdraw thf
epithet If I would admit the fact."
Brlggs "Bertler Is an ass, that's
what ho Is. Ho Is always ou the
wrong side of every question."
Hurleigh "But ho sayB the same
thing of you."
Brlggs "Well, and doesn't thnt
prove whnt I say of blm?" Bostou
A Different Point of View,
Wllllo (crying) "Mamma boo-hool
Joe hit me with a great big brick.
Mamma "And whnt did you do to
Willie "I hit blm gently with that
Bnme little brick he throw at me."
On Second Thought Less Vicious.
A henpecked man being told thnt an
old acquaintance wns married, ex
claimed, "I mil glad to hear It."
But, reflecting a moment, he added,
In n toue of compassion and forgive
ness: "And yet I don't know wrfy I
should bo; he never did mo nuy harm."
"Do you think that orator knows
Just what ho Is talking about?" a.tjued
one auditor. ' '
"Of courso he does," answered Iho
other. "But we don't. Thnt's tho
point where he demonstrates his men
tal superiority and commands our ad
miration." Washington Stur.
" ' X" fUWUHlUVI .(
tBfr fUSWat i fyitpxy v,
lariwr -yu-ji .
Powered by Open ONI