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7
10 BE TEIED AGAIN.
IDA JOHNSON MUST ANSWER
MURDER CHARGE.
Convicted the First Trlnl, She Remain
Krro Ncvcrthel- Mory of the
Sonnntloniil ihontlnc That Hturtleil
tho Town In 1801.
Sm HItEE years ago
t-l (inlesburg. Ill,, was
the scene of the
most Rpns.-itlitn.'il
f&iHm tragedy In its hls-
IUIJ. lilllU 1U lilt.
nftcrnoon of Dec.
2G, 1894, Ida E.
Johnson, wlfo of
Charles F. John
son, fired tho shot
into her husband's
lido which In a few days ended his life,
rho, shooting took place,, in the law
oillcos of J. 12. Maley, whither man and
(vlfo,had gone,to como to.sonie agree
ment, if possible, oif tlifmany-ihatters
Of difference-' betweonUhcm. Abii3e,
hard names and startling unfoldlngs of
past tnlsdqeds wi're. handled botwocn
the two until the lawyer grew weary of
(ho controversy and left them In the
Ruthcrlng darkness of the winter after
noon to settle their troubles without
hln assistance. Tho door closed bo
hind him. Suddenly a shot, then an
other, rang out from the little room,
and Johiiron, wounded unto death,
sprang out Into the reception room,
crying: "I am shot!" Ho was helped
Into a doctor's office across the hall-
,J,Vi" ".
IDA B. JOHNSON.
Way, where it was found a bullet had
plowed its way through his left side
Into his lungs. It could not be located.
Johnson was taken to his home, where
after terrible suffering, ho died Dec.
31. His life went out with the year.
After firing the fntal shot at her hus
band, da Johnson rushed into the hall
way and, meeting Attorney W. E. Dy
ers, confessqd.tp hlrarlbnt she had shot
tier husband nnd asked to bo taken to
the police station. Thoro she was held
for a week, when she was taken to
jail under bonds to await trial. There
Khc remained for many months. Her
trlnl was continued until the June term
x of court. Her ense was In the hands
of the best two criminal lawyers of the
locality, and their defense was master
ful. The presiding judge, J. J. Glenn,
refused to admit Johnson's dying state
ment in evidence. No one saw the
woman shoot her husband. No ono
knew the provocation under which the
ehot wns fired, or what caused it. It
might have been suicide or accident.
'Along these lines the defense fought
out their case with skill and eloquence.
State's Attorney E. W. Welch urged
the circumstantial evidence attendant
on tho case; the woman's confession to
Attorney Dyers as she rushed out of
the room After tlie: shooting thai she
bad shot ,her husband; the angle at
which the ball had entered the body,
nnd tho probability of the theory of the
prosecution.
The Jury wavered long and finally
brought in a verdict finding the wom
an guilty of manslaughter and fixing
her pcnnlty at ten years in the Jollet
penitentiary. A motion was at once
made for a new trial by the defense,
and upon legal technicalities it vas
granted. At each succeeding torm of
court from that day to this the1 docket
bus been haunted with the specter of
"Tho People Against Ida Johnson,
Murder." Continuances and , delays
CHAS. F. JOHNSON,
have been secured in various ways.
For a long timo tho woman was al
most insane to nil appearances. Then
followed a kick on tho Jaw from hor
riding horse, which prostrated hor.
For months sho was never hoard to
talk by anyone outside of her father's
homo, where sho lives, and perhaps
not by them. A mental und nervous
wreck such as sho waa alleged to bo
could not ondurn n trial for murder,
nnd her caso was passed again and
again,
For somo tlmo pnBt Mrs. Johnson
has been seen much in public, and to
, nil appearances was well enough for
anything. It was tliouclit that the de
mands of Justico would Buroly bo uat-
Isfiod at last. On Ujc day set for --rial
rJECJIn
,'Mvn
.M ' ' . ' jiJJK!LtMfc.
a 'month ago Attorney McKenzle r
usod to allow the case to bo tried by
cither Judge Gray or Judge Thompa-vi
of that circuit, and filed the necessary
aflld.tvlts to make a chnngo of venua
the only alternative. Hut" tho prose
cution followed hard upon tho ease
this time and Judge Glenn was called
fiom tho appellate bonch to hear tho
cahc.
Behind the scenes of this tragedy,
where fow have seen, there has been
material for a score of romances. Ida
Johuson was tho attractive daughter
of poor parents. Sho wnnted to sec
tho world and longed for tho city's
glare. Sho sought It nnd found life.
Finally she wearied of it all and camo
back to Gnlcsburg with a little money
and a monthly income from some mys
terious source. She met and loved
Charles Johnson, a prominent lumbar
dealer, an ex-alderman, a man of
means and position in hiB littlo world
They were married. For n year and
a half thqy lived together in the mid at
of eonstunt storms. Nature had not
fitted them for each other, and time
only Increased the torment, Sho nc
euHod him of drunkenness and Infidel
ity. Ho believed her false to him.
Johnson went to Chicago and looked
up his wife's life there. Ho thought
ho discovered the secret of her visits to
the city and swore that sho mot otlrr
men by appointment at the Sherman
house. Other things ho discovered,
which only ho knew, and wlilch He
burled with him and In his wife's
heart. It was the recital of theso dis
coveries, It was said, which brought
the revolver from, the woman's pocket
in desperation anil nerved her hand to
the deadly deed.
"9 PROUD TO BEG.
Mllwnukce lk ....
.' i.o. .. KJ vAr. Uy for
CD Tood In ! . ,
.-hns a com.
J. L. Holt, Jr., who , ? ,vncro r,
able home in Milwaukee, .: .-cincs
father Is engaged In the safe bu.i..., . .
o.d occupies a prominent position so
waikiilf,"' commercially, has been
: iMUu. lwc'Cfitrcets of Snn Francisco
for a . ijst, ill, destitute and
friendless, ' t ho has too much
prldo to apply to -ids father for assist
ance. Several months ago, partly for
pleasure and partly in tho hope of ben
efiting his health, young Holt left
Milwaukee for San Francisco on n bi
cycle. He arrived there about a week
ago, after having a very hard expe
rience on his trip ncross the plains.
Tho Journey consumed more time than
ho thought It would and his funds wore
very low when ho reached here. Ho
had been ill during a greater part ol
tho journey nnd symptoms of consump
tion developed. Young Holt had nut
communicated with his father for somt
time and several days ago tho latter
sent a letter to the chief of police ask
ing for some tidings of his son. The
chief detnlled two bfllccra to hunt up
the young man. Holt told his story
to the police and said that he had
eaten nothing for the last day or two
Victim of nn Unlmpp'' r,oTf.
A descendant of Martha Washington
pa&3cs her days in the seclusion of a
SISTER PHILOMENA. '
Catholic convent in Washington, D.
C. She is known as "Sister Phllo
mena" and is the daughter of Colonel
Williamson, who married Isabel But
ler. Those who know the. early history
of Sister Phllomena say that' It waa an
unhappy lovo affair that' Induced her
to take the black Veil.
A Rnce of Tailed Men.
A French scientific Journal publishes)
an account oIiTIW. discovery., of -the
Mol race of1 tailed xri'cn by Paul D'En-
village
versed with ,h.ei.one iaud -saw where,
tho' people lived. Tho man was found
in a largo 'treo,r into which ho luul,
climbed' for hdhey.' His climbing wa
Mko that'of.ii' nionlreyj and in comlrig
down ho applied h'lsj'solos tp the, jiarfc.
Tho tall ,1s not tho, only peculiarity
of tho race, for thelr'anklo bbnos are
extraordinarily developed, so aa to re
semble the spurs of roosters. Tho Mois
uso poisoned barbed nrrow's, and nro
treated by the natives around them a?
brutes.
Love Will Find the Way. '
George Rasmusscn and Mario Chrlt
tenBcn, of Audubon, wanted to get mar
rled, but Georgo was not of age. One
of hl parents was dead, the other
abroad. In order to overcome tho dif
ficulty, ho had n guardian appointed,
consent from this oiricIaTwflB.tib&bnt)
and tho mnrriago was solcmniz&d.-
PltUiburg Dispatch. ' " X '
Rhot Oon Deliberation. ' (;
Tho Arkansas City Traveler de
clares that tho Greer county '(Oklahoma
territory) court houso has no yury
room, nnd when a jury retires to, ma ;e
up a verdict, a bailiff tnkes It ouVlnto
tho middlo of a pasture, steps out of
hearing lUstanco, nnd protonto then?
from corruptlonlstB with a shotgun.
"Her marriage must have been a ter
rlblo blow to tho family." "Blow?
Why, they didn't spend n cent. Sho ran
avray, I tell you." Detroit News.
Joy, in Indo-Chlna.:vMr. Dysnjoy saw
only '"6noi6jili'o'fr,(3j1' thejfesjt of the
having hln away, but ho con-
T1IE BED OLOJJD CHIEfc
GOODMAiN'S PATIENT.
11Y Y. Z.
K. ALFRED TWI
NER, the gifted or
ator and aspiring
lawyer of Wisdom
Held u-iu n fnrtlllt
!3kf ate man. At col-
S lego ho cnrrled tilt
the highest honor,
although ho was
not a hard student.
flltitf.-.j ' Success attended
fllon as well a3 In lovo matters. Ho
had wooed and won the most charming
young lady in Wlsdomfleld, and his
only child, a girl of 0, was u perfe:l
irodlgy!
She could speak French and English,
could analyze flowers, hound every
stato In the union and give their capi
tals. Sho knew the populations of
tho great cities. Sho was studying
grammar and history. Such a won
derful child!
There was but ono drawback to i.'to
fond parents' happiness, and that wan
In spite of nil their care and pain, the
littlo girl grew delicate every day,
and seemed to bo vanishing Into a
3hadow!
The gossips of Wlsdomfleld said the
child could not live. "No, she has ton
unroll brains to live," and they shook
their heads sorrowfully.
Mr. Turner determined to consult
Dr. Goodman, The eccentric phyHlcian
could cute any curablo disease; Indeed,
so potent wns this man's Influence, that
his natno seemed to have power to
frighten away disease! His patients
declared that th'ey felt better at the
very moment that Dr. Goodman was
sent for.
In answer to the find parents' sum
mons, Dr. Goodman called, anil found
his little patient languidly reading. He
.pcnicd deeply moved as ho look the
!)rowii"li'"i-" nuiui iiuu lis Jiuill.
- proud clui Mrs. Turner said, with
t, our-.
"Doctorl
children."
I? ,01 is not like other
"Humph!" exclaimed tho physician.
"She docs not play with nor care
for children, but talks of things far
beyond her years," continued tho fond
mother.
"Humph!" cjaculntcd Dr. Goodman,
as ho brushed away u tear with nls
coat sleeve.
Mrs. Turner taw tho action, nnd n
wild terror seized her heart. Was
her child dying that this strong man
wept? The startled father seized Dr.
Goodman's arm, and exclaimed wild
ly: "Tell mo, 1b there no hope for my
child?"
Dr. Goodman wiped his eyes, blew
his nose, and put on bis glasses, as ho
Baid' : r.i " TfjF
'Hope! Yea; if, you will follow my
advice.!' ll' ' ' "' 6i
"Wo''" will dou rinytnlng," exclaimed
both tiarcnts in ono breath. '
"Aro you suro of, that?'" asked the
sccenfr.lc pbyslcjan.' , .1n
".Qtlrol 7mi1r1 vn tin llln.fn. ll
,, ...v. ..wm.u, ,.V ), y.UgtU. ,UU.
dear little Belle ?" (, , ,
Dr. Goodman smiled, and Ee'crnejJ 'lost
In 'thought, and thus soliloquized':
"Yes, they are' killl'ng'ticr:, This 'lit
tle embryo woman will die just as 'my
'i'i
mm i
ml
PLAYING IN THE MEADOW,
child died just as thousands, of qthor
children die; or perhaps she may lin
ger through life a helpless invalid.
Will they listen to me? I will make
tho effort, but may get littlo thanks
fdr 'my, pains." t ( '
ino pun-niB gazcu m me pnysician
with, astonishment. Dr., Goodman
turned to .them and said:', -,j ?Y
be
10
C mvself thnn
byHelilhgWVtruo8roVydfa,,b1Iiiit.
edllfe: TTIoBlofyl8---80-flxoa-in-my
mind tHatI think otjlt.yerwhour or
milll. filwljl kofchljt tfr fpu jlV
"Tho curtain hjca and.,dlsclose a
pretty, 'picture a 'young father and n
mother and a dear little child. Hnv
happy they arc! Tho father1 is teach
ing his wee girl to read. Sco: how lU
eyeB flash as the infantile lipi lisp ho
long'wordsl Admiring friends ex
claim: 'What a prodigy!'
"Tho curtain drops, only to riso
again on another picture. The littlo
g.ri or 4 ycarB Is now 10. Bcautl: ul,
budding, bright' 1(5! No, pale, weuVv,
haggurd 16! Her fori? ,ia,plcnder; her
eyelldB droopj jShe, Jfl,,talflnteds To
rfnt, fa tlM nwmll.n llnH .1... 1" . ' '
lllUkllVI UIU lUtIC,- IIIUIIU1V lOflKltlC nn
They" h'rivb been roWaWdd 'fdiotloir
tolls' "and1 TpaldB.f(nyet,;tlieyiit8on ix-
lously on tud'form and -face- orvtl. clr
tat
then
rises on tho last scene. In a'lukurlouB
home, whero wealth had contributed
, every adornment, lay the corpso of n
woman.
"Only 23 years have passed over her
head, yet tho drawn, haggard faco has
grown old with suffering. Death set
hie seal on tho brow of tho laurel-
KOTtf
$2liftB
;ra5
'VA':'
'jig vsr. --m-?.-i7r.mM
tv iriv . .. ii n . m m unni 1 1 i
Hn
T'HI"IJ If I 11
vAI I" 'II .'
, Nswiim ) i ii
daughter, and wlBU;ShQ,had.,soiaow
more body. ' y.W'S
r "Tiiu'cunnin na mrallSiUhdl
F
crowned mnldcn. Good Christians
crowded around the bereaved parents
with consoling words. Oh, why was
their daughter taken? Their onlv
child, who had nil flint wealth could
give! Too bright to live! Too much
brain too littlo strength. What mat
ters It now that she once solved the
most dlfllcult problems or Euclid?
That then' pale lips and that ley tongue
hud onco spoken many languages?
They aro silent now happy, happy
cb!ld! A merciful God took her home.
"Do not blunio me, friends, when I
weep. Tho vision of my dying child
Is before inc. 1 hnvo shown you
threo scenes In the tableau of my life."
When Dr. Goodman arose to go,
there were tears on the mother's cheeks
nnd a firm resolve In tho father's
eyes.
Two years havo passed, and llt'.te
Hello Is playing In tho meadow with a
merry group of children, searching for
tho four-leaved clover. Sec, sho hns
found It; tho beacon of good fortune.
How her bright eyes Hash as she
waves her trophy above her head. She
knows but little of French, and has for
gotton how to analyze a flower; but
she can tell yon the working boo from
tho drone; tho red hint's and the
wren's notes, and whero the swcoi
smelllng wild flower grow. What if
her aprons are soiled, and her faco
sunburned? Is she not a prodigy?
Certainly her fond parents think so,
as sho tells tlioni of tho pleasant play
in the meadow, and tho finding of the
four-leaved clover.
Dr. Goodman still lives, and the goi
nipn of Wlsdonillolil lovo to tell how
he miraculously cured Belle Tumor,
and the little girl Is always called "Dr.
Goodman's 1'atlcnt."
WORRY AFFECTS THE MIND-
It IlFNtriiy-. Ortnlii llraln Cell- liy ll
iiilHlthlnf Thiilr Vitality.
Modem science has brought to light
nothing more curiously Interesting
than tho fact that worry can kill. More
rcmarkaulo still, It has been able to
doternilne, from recent discoveries,
Just how worry docs kill, It Is believed
by many scientists who have followed
most carefully tho growth of tho scl
onco or brain diseases that scores of
deaths set down to other causes aro
duo to worry, and that alone. Tlie
theory Is a simple one so simple that
nnny ono can readily understand it.
Briefly put, It amounts to this: Worry
injures beyond repair certain colls ot
tho brain, and the brain, being tho
nutritive center of the body, the other
organs become gradually injured, and
When somo disease of the3o organs, or
a combination qf them, urlses, death
.finally ensues. Thus docs worry kill.
Insidiously, like, many other diseases,
ll creeps upon the, brain in tho torm
of a single, constant, never-lost iden,
and, as tho dropping water 'over a per
iod of years will wear a groove In a
stone; so doe's -worry gradually, im
perceptibly, but no less surely destroy
tho bruin cells that lend nil the re.st
that are, so toVneak. the commanding
otllcors of mcnlai power, health and
motion, Worry, to make the theory still
stronger, Is an irritant: lit certain'
points, whldh produces7 little' harm if
it comes at Intervals or irregularly.
Occasional worrying of the system tho
brain can cope with, but tho reitera
tion of ono idea of a disquieting sort
the cells ot tho brain aro not proof
against. It Is as If tho skull wcro laid
bnro and the surface ot the brain struck
lightly with a hammer every few sec
onds with mechanical precision, with
never a sign of a lot-up or the failure
of a stroke. Just in this way docs tho
annoying idea, the maddening thought
that will not be done nwny with, strike
or fall upon certuln ncrvo cells, never
censing, and week by week diminish
ing the vitality of theso (delicate or
ganisms, so minute that they can only
bo seen under tho microscope.
Educate Railroad Hen.
The Vienna training school for rail
road employes, now in its sixtieth
year, docs not, like the Buda-Pesthi in
stitute, prepare men for appointments,
but Is designed to increase tho special
knowledge (Of rnllroad, employes nnd
fit them, for promotion. The lower
yearly courso embraces bookkeopjaj",,
traffic geography, railroad tccbijology;
description of gjoods 'transported. 'eto
tho higher eomi'irlslng' cUBlonilll6nscj
regulation, 'Jrallrohd law,',' pdlltlcul
pconomyrfranTe Statistics and olcctro
technology; 'TIiO' stuflents nro dlvldcitf
Into re'gill'ar and' extra'ordlii'ary'claiip
and the small expenses of th'c'nclinI
aro defrayed by tho railway companies,
which give preference when making
promotions to students, whoso exami
nations arc niOHt, creditable.
r.ll.l to Keep Cardi Oof.
Frqn jtho Washington Post: A
bright little boy ono of t,he pnges qf
the senate sat atone of tho Benato en
trances tho other day, when n lady
approached him with a visiting oard
in her hand. "Will you band this to
Senator Blunk?" sho suld. "I cannot,"
replied the boy, "for all cards must
be taken to tho east lobby." ;Tho wo
man was inclined to bo angry nnd
went away muttering. Then a, thought
struck her, nnd taking out hefi pocket
book she found, a-25-cont piece. With'
It In hor hand sho went back to tho
boy. "Here, my lad' she aald,' In n
coaxing tone, "hero Is a quarter to
tako my card n," "Madam," said lite
boy, without a moment's hesitation,
"I am paid a larger salary1 than Hiar
to keep cards otjt,"
Ilrother I.onj- UnHi'iunliitvil.
In Delaware two brothers lived for
forty yearn within eight miles of each
other, attended tho snrao church and
frequently traded with each other
without knowlug they wcro related.
CORAL BORING IN THE PACIFIC
ltc'iill-. of tlip lliucriltlon Kent Out
rum i:im'liiiul.
From the Sydney Herald; Tho
steamer Blrhsgato, which urrlvcd on
Saturday from tho islands, brings fur
ther news fiom FIJI concerning the
coral-boring expedition nt Funafuti, In
the El Hoc group. News has beftii
taken to Suva by If. M. S. Royalist or
the progress made by tho expedition
after the departure ot Professor David
In the John WIlllnniM. When Profes
sor David left Funafuti on Sept. 7
tho boro was down GG7 feet. On Sept.
10, when the Royalist left Funafuti,! lie
boro was down GUI feet. The Royalist
took to Suva a letter for Dr. Corncy
from G. Sweet, F. G. S who Is now
the leader of the expedition, stating
that tho boring for the last ninety feet
was chiefly In coral rock, and that no
sign of volcanic rock or ot rock other
than coral had yet been met with in
tho boro. When tho Royalist arrived
tho expedition had consumed nil thelf
coal, hut Commander Rason was en
abled to supply Hiilllrlont coal to last
them till tho arrival of tho steamer
Archer, rrom which It was hoped an
additional supply would bu obtained.
Professor David states that, the bore
having already exceeded tho depth Tor
which Darwin stipulated In IiIb classi
cal work on coral reefs, and a good
euro having been obtained throughout,
It may now bo looked upon as u suc
cess. Information likely to bo of con.
fildornblo sclcntlflc value has hcen ob
tained, and ho considers that tho
general evidence so far appears strong
ly to confirm Darwin's theory that most
of tho coral atolls of tho Pacific havo
been formed on areas ot tho earth's
crust which have been undergoing n
prolonged subsidence. A detailed re
port o( the results obtained by tho ex
pedition will probably bo Incorporated
In tho report of the Royal Society of
London on the coral atoll of Funafuti,
tho earlier portion of which will be
written by Professor Sollns, P. It. S.(
tho leader of the Funafuti expedition
hist year. The bore ut Funafuti ic
lined throughout with the best arte
slan tubes, four Inches In outside di
ameter. Every toot of tho bore had
to be lined with theso tubes to prevent
fragments of coral rock and coral sand
choking the bore. The work of boring
has proved very dlfllcult on account of
tho variable nature of tho strata
(quicksand alternating with' cornl
rock), and also on account of tho ea
vernous nnttire of the coral rock.whlch
has caused such a jarring an to re
peatedly break some of tho strongest
cast Iron wheels In tho machinery. The
diameter of tho core obtained from
the boro Is two and one-hnlt Inches.
HOW TO PREVENT DREAMS.
.Simple llemrily Arirnnced hy n rhjil-
clan to fuso-M Whole-oine Hletp.
From the Washington' Star: "After
'n Bcrlcs 6f experiments 'on' myself and
bthcW ventured nil fxperloncetPphyB
lclnn,"Imra convinced, thnfmanyin
noying tdrcams, whloh in .many in
stances rob sleep otmunh ot Ub .recre
ation, nnd hpnqflt, cani b.o prevented if
persons, will take ,thq trouble to do so'.
There are dreams which are produced
by an overloaded, stomach and indiges
tion. These can bo prevented by not
overloading the stomach nnd taking
care, especially In tho evening, to not
cut that which experience line demon
strated Is not easily digested. A fairly
filled stomach, however. Is less con
ducive to dreums thnn an absolutely
empty1 ono. I think P'cnn safely 3ay
that If those persons who are troubled,
much with extra dreaming will wear
extra long sleoves In, their nightgowns
they will, find a remedy thereby. What
1b even better than long sleeves is to
put a rubber cord in tho hem of the
sleeve, bo that they will not slip up
on the arm. The rubber cord should,
not he tight enough to interfere with
the circulation of 'tho blood In the
arms, but tight enough to keep ' the
qnds of the sleovcB, well down on the
wrists. To the bachelors and others
who cannot havo their 8leeve8 prop
erly arranged, the same enect can be
secured, by wearing, a, wrlslet on the
wrist or, better yet, to pull a sockfovcr
tho hands and pin the. leg oMt to- jhc
sleeves of the nightgown; ' In. addition
to preventing dreams this simplo' ar
rangement will bo found extremely
comiunuuio uuriiig inc coia nignw pi
me next, caupie oi manias. j mue in
quiry will convince anyone, hatj "h6se
whose wrists and forearms are uncov-1
eixid nro annoyed most byidriams.
'I he sock used as a kind'otmn extended
glovo will effectually stop them; bt.it It
must be attached to the sleeve of th
nightgown, oth'prwJEo the-fSleve wil
werlr up the Urm' and tho;des!rcd effect
last. Mv remedy. In brief, is to keen'
.1 11 I . W 11 ...
ered.f' , '
Ferhap.
Freddie's father had just been strug
gling with nn old fashioned bureau twid,
rt-iiring disheartened from an unsuc
cessful effort to ppen ono of Its com
partments, ho moved to tho window
and looking, out upon the, lowering sky
he, exclaimed: "It's, , mighty, strange
that the weather bureau, canjt give ua
a hanga of weather.'' 'Maybe," shy
ly Intdrppseti FYeclfyl'e, "they'cah't open
the btireatf drawers'lldston Courier.
. . . 1 1 1 st t n i , I,
An Irisplanailon.
A long-suffering listener, tirter Wear
ing frotp a youtli hl account, o how
ho and two cnmnanlons kent GOO In
diana nt bay for twenty-four hours,
asked, "Do you know why tho Lord
said to Ananias, 'Stand forth?" Upon
recolvlnc a negative renly ho contin
ued, "Well, I don't, either, unloss It was
so that you ana your two companions
could stnnd first, second and third,"
Exchange.
OUJK BUDGET OF. FUX,
SOME GOOD JOKES, ORIOINAL,
AND SELECTED.
A Clinnrc for n Touch A 1'olnt to Ho
t'oii-lderi-d A Wlttjr llo-tonlan
tiiiiiiu-' I,.tKlc Orrat Mud Winning
III Ouoil Will. '
ItiMUIiiR l.-H-lly.
1HTIJK JONES wuzj
v-ry sick
They Hont fr Doc
tor llruwn, '
SimirtrB mini tei
null Mm thro' '
'N till the town.
MlBtcr Jours did not
Improve
Fcr Doctor HinltU
tltcy wi.'iit,
Who piiIiI that oV
llrowu'H truut-i
liiuut
Wutn't worth n cent.
k.
Then 'nntlicr doctor cntn:
l'r Mlniur jouch kwv worso;
Next wed; lie out riding wont
In ii hcaiKe. Mn.
A Witty llottonlan.
Mrs. M , n well-known Bostonlan,
who talks very wittily and plays very
well, onco asked Prof. Blnokensteln
what made him so thoughtful.
"Madam," he replied, "I am wonder,
lug how It Is you can make tho piano
talk so divinely and you yourself so
foolishly?"
"Ah, well." retorted Mrs. M l
"you see, tho piano knows It Iiiib no
to listen to It. whcrenH I know I hnvo
only you to listen to me, which niukca
no difference."
"1 nrny you." snld tho nrifesnor.
"play again. I like your playing boaL".
UI1IUIIIJU 1.11U.
Chnoco fur u Touch.
Mra. Newmnrrlcd I'd like to catch
my husbnnd drinking.
Jack Ban-owe So would Ii
A Great "find." . . ,
Munngcr "Have you ever appeamj
upon the, Hinge?" n
Fair' Applicant "No." -,-i
Mnnuger"What qualifications do
you think you possess for a- successful
career' before tho footlights'?"
Fair Applicant "I have juBt se
cured from the socretnrY of 'the nnvj
nn Invitation to christen tho -next bat
tlcslilpj but I nm qult,c, certain tjiat ho
in I ends tp let some o'theXjgjrt .Ufl.lt."
Manager "Good! Wcjlljiyojtt.pla)
written especially for, .you."', '. , ,,
8mm''i toul9i' , i
"Sammy Snagga," asked thd'tencher,
"what part ot speech Is UiPword
'malediction?'"
"Noun," replied Sammy.
"Whut gender?"
"Masculine gender."
"Indeed?"
"Yes'm. If It was feminine It would
bo 'fcmaledlctlon."" Plttrihurg Chron
icle. ' '
L. ' 9 'I
Pretty fltron-f Kldeoci v
"Why have you -broken off 'your1 en
gagement to Mr. Farnum'?"
"Because I haVe reason to bellovg
hat insanity runs in his .family."
"You don't say,! How did you fin 0
tout." .,,, , ..;,,.
"A cousin of his entered. a six dayu
oicycie, race.;
n.
I '1 , r.y
The f Late-Comer.
He had fought a dozer) duels, 'he ha J
been in battle too; '
But he faltered, blushed arid trembled
when' the 'hoBtetfe" led him
through ' ' '-i A ilJljuv '
Tho-parlors,' lntroducln,g?bim unto th
, . people ,thero.jjMj. IlU (
"i '1 n ') : u'iJ.-; gill i(ji;boii
i- 1 The iLlht TlJat Didn't! KallJ CI
The houru grewflet,find4hepifloeter;
,The Jpy.prm waxed) fflwqgU-jiain,tueD
f,aw.eeter;,, , , , , u.
And fterpn, In despair, ,
Madly tore his scant hajr.
For hq'irth'o gas bill to "x&c'iVW la
meter.
.It U.'M
To He ConUdered,'-,ii,
(MM vt J I U
ll ill Mi
J 'l AJ is I
".'Vhorq 'ro you gofhjJ tTtirko that
dok. mV bov?" .' ' ' J K1
uob .inj uoyj. .. ,07j,rff;ljmn
"I dunno. wants tor flnu out fust
whero the, dog's goln' tcrjtftke:.mo."
Wlniiliic Uli UiiinI Will.
"Why vero you so nnxioua fn i.
Pleasant to that man? Ono wnuin-
thlnk you wcro under some great oh.
ligation to him."
"Ho la ray dentist and I expect to
have a tooth fllled tomorrow."
-VI
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