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About The Red Cloud chief. (Red Cloud, Webster Co., Neb.) 1873-1923 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 24, 1896)
o THE MI) OJiOUD CrfTKl!1, I'TtllMY, JAN. 24, !!). IV h,H h 1. m. M MIEPAUDONOl'' I'ONTO b!3, FOR A LONG ilnr.o I reposed tho moi:l lillnil conll ilcnco In li 1 in. Wo loved tic-It other dearly. I In was a rotter, white, with hrown onrsuiid tall. Ills name was Poit- (o. l'nnto was enam ored of a eertaln Wooden ball nlioiit tho size of a bil liard ball. In a moment f weakness I had purchased I his- ono day and brought It home. 1'onto Immediately relzcd It, rolled It toward me, and Bald: "Throw that over there In the rose IhihIich. I will find It. You nee It I don't." So wild, so done. The ball was thrown and Ponlo found It. Hut he bo camo rather Irksome with hln desire to tetrlovo the ball. berniiFO bis favorite remark to mo became: "Play ball." He had a fashion of coming Into my study with n brisk air, wagging IiIb tall, with he ball hold In his mouth. Then, plac iiK his forepaws upnn the table, be would put the precious ball In tho mid Ho of tho papers, letters and books, and say: "There Is my lull. Now toss It nut of tho window, and 1 will go and pet It. That will ;k very much more amusing than wasting ottr tlmo on ill these stupid paper.; and books." I rtould frequently feign to hail tho ball 'rom the window, and like a Hash I'onto .-vould disappear. A f.iw minutes would pass before I'onto would reappear with Ills forepaws at the window and re mark: "Say you, you man with the papers, I don't find nnythltiK here. Tho ball Isn't In tho garden. You must have kept It." Then ho would come In at Iho door,, go Biillllng around under the lurnlturo and in the partly opened desk drawers, and then, w'th the air of a man who smites his forehead and dis covers Boniothlng. ho would look In quiringly at you and nay: "I will wager that It Is on the table.' Hi was right. With his Intelligent eye he had fol lowed your glance. !f you attempted then to conceal the ball there was an end to work. Ho burst Into extrava gant gayoly, Jumped iiflrr the ball, fol lowed your least movemcnti, and would not quit you, laughing energetically with his tall. I'onto made me somrtlmcn think that ho was ono of thoso ino-.i turned Into dogs of whom wo rea.l in the fairy stor ies. Ills eye was deep, tender and hu man, and at. times it seemed to say: "What would you? I am only n four footed beast, but have a human heart y" ' - '' y' . ,' f J . 3 ' J-"" HB WOULD COME INTO MY STUDY, n better ono thnn that of many men. I am a beast, and I liavo suffered much. I suffer still hecnuBo 1 rannot express myself In speech and tell you, in those things that you call words, my fidelity and my devotion. Yes, I am yours, and I lovo you liko a dog. Whatever belongs to you Is secure. Just let anybody touch it, and you will Bee." Hut I'onto and I fell out one day. It was a very unfortunate affair. Only thoso peoplo who, like myself, believe blindly In dogs will understand me. Thnt Is what happened. The cook hail killed two chickens, and hud gone Into tho adjoining pantry tc get a basket to put the feathers In as ;'io plucked them. When sho returned to tho kitchen she uttered a shriek one of tho two chick ens wns gone. Yet sho had been absent but n few minutes. "Ah," said tho cook reflectively, "evidently some beggar has passed by hero and has taken ono of tho chickens through tho window." Sho looked out of tho door in order to And the sup posititious beggnr.but thrro wns nobody there. Then for a, moment sho thought it must bo tho dog, but sho was at ouco seized with romorse. "What! Suspect I'onto? Novor. Ho would not steal. Why, ho would watch over a leg of mut ton all day without touching It, even when ho wns perishing with hunger. Besides, ho Is tlicro In tho kitchen, sit ting on bis haunches, with his eyes partly closed and occasionally yawning. Ho Is not thinking of chickens." Tho cook was so profoundly puzzled that sho summoned lur master and I came. Tho melancholy affair wns laid beforo me. I looked nt I'onto. I'onto was sitting there, wllh a studied air of indifference, apparently half nslcop. I called him, "I'onto!" Ho looked toward mo and lifted his heavy eyelids. "Did you call me, master? I was only nsleep. I was dreaming I was dream ing of my bnll." Of bis ball, eh? I became at once suspicious. This was evidently a pre text. Hut I said: "I think, Knthorlne, ihnt you aro right. Tho dog could not liavo stolen tho chicken. If ho had stolen It he 'would bo engaged now in plucking It somowhero In tho garden." "Hut look at him, sir Just look nt him. Ho has not tho air of a Christian dog." "What?" "I say that I'onto has not an honest nlr." I turned and gazed at him. "Look at mo, I'onto." TT I'onto looked up, but his head dropped, and he grumbbd: "Do yon think that f would Iip hanging around l.tro If I had stolen a chicken? Why, I'd be citing It." Hut this remark did not divert my suspicions. On the contrary, It eon llrmed them. "Katharine," said I folemnly to tho cook, "It Is I'onto. Alas, It Is I'onto." What 1 had seen In Ponto's eyes wnn terrible. I swear to you, reader, that I am most serious. I bad distinctly seen there an almost human lie. It Is rather dllllcult to explain my meaning. I'onto wished to nssumo an appearance of sincerity In his glance, and ho did not succeed, because that Is Impossible, even to a man. It Is said by profound philosophers that In men tho power of lying Is confined to speech; that the power of throwing falsehood Into glance Is possessed only by women. i'onto exhausted himself In vnln ef forts to Ho with bis oyer. Hut this iimuicccwiful falsehood was even moro Incriminating that an avowal. I looked llxedly at Ponto. "Here, I'onto," said I. "take this," ami I of fered him tho second chicken, which Kalherlne had Just llnUhcd plucking. I'onto looked nt mo reflectively. "Hum," ho Bald, "you evidently sus pect me. Why do you give mo a chicken today? You never gave me a whole chicken befor"." lie took the chicken in his mouth and Immediate ly deposited It on the Moor at my feet, and, looking up In my eyes, be said: "You must think I am a fool." Instinctively I said to myself: "Thief! Scoundrel! You have l-etrayed mi'. You aro a perfidious dog. Your honest ca nine existence of loyalty has now como to an end, and you have been as false as If you wore only a m n." Hut pat ling him on tho back, I aided aloud: "(iood I'onto, honest I'onto, nice i'onto." Tho dissimulation wan rather too deep for I'onto. t'rged on by tho sa vory timell of the chicken he took It between his Jaws and started to go. Hut before he reached the door he turn ed Foveral times and looker, at me care fully In order to see If he could fathom my thoughts. As soon as lie had left the kitchen I closed i!:o door and be gan spying upon him through tho blinds of tho window. Ho .vent r. few paces as If Intending to devour his prey, and then stopped, placed too chicken on tho ground and thought deeply for a long time. Several limes lie looked at tho kitchen door with his false and treacherous eyes. Then, giving up all attempts to seek an 'planation satis facloiy to his mind, no contented him self with the fact that he nail the chick en, picked It up and departed. As ho disappeared In the distance I could see that his sometime timid tall, which had hesitated throughout our entire conver sation, had again became bold and llrm. Ponto's tall said: "Hah! I have both chickens. Nobody saw niu take the first. Hurrah!" I stealthily followed him from afar, and I surprised lilin In the act of hastily scratching a hole In the ground with his powerful forepaws. The chicken that I had given him wns lying on tho ground and in tlio hole he was digging lay tho other chicken. I wns heart broken. My friend I'onto retained the Instincts of his remote ancestors, tho foxes and tho wolves, and burled his provisions. Hut. alas! being a domesti cated animal, and Inning become the companion of mnnkiud, he had learned to lie. Under tho eyes of ihe treacherous and now shame-faced I'onto 1 made up a little packago of tho longer feathers of the two chickens, and I deposited this llttlo leather duster en my working table. Whenever thereafter I was en gaged at work and I'onto came bring ing Ills hall and said, with a light and easy nlr, "Como, come! Lay aside that rubbish and let us play ball," I In variably lifted tho little feather duster. Then I'onto would drop bin treacher ous head. Ills tall would sink between his legs and ndhero to his quivering body, while tho ball would fall from his nerveless Jaws. As be looked at mo he would say, "Is It poxsiblo that you aro so ruthless, so unforgiving? Do you never pardon?" Weeks passed, nnd I mid not yet par doned I'onto. Hut ho wns Indefatig able In his attempts to win mo over. So one morning when ho camo to mo again, and when I seize.! tho poor little feather diiBter nnd i oor I'onto wan about to withdraw, I said to him: "Look, I'onto," quoth I. "Look upon this for tho last time. Thus perishes tho only token of your fault," and I hurled tho feather dustor Into tho lire. I'onto carefully watched the feather duster burn. Then, without any hys teric manifestations of Joy, without leaps or skips, but nobly, simply, with dignity, he came and proffered his paw. The crime wns forgotten. Wo wero frlonds again. I'onto was glad that bo had been for given, but lie wns not nenrly so glad an I that I bad forgiven him. Whrro ('uniiiniittliiii Thrive Mint. That tuberculosis Is Increased by living In thickly settled communities Is shown by stntlstlcs collected by Dr. l'eit for bua Kronen towns, in runs tho proportion of deaths fiom tuber cuIoub dlseaso In 100,000 Inhlbltnnta is 190; In cloven towns of from 100,000 to 430,000 Inhabitants It Is :iG3j In forty six towns with a population between 30,000 and 100,000 It Is 303; In fifty towns of from 20,000 to 30,000 Inhabi tants it Is 1!S8; In 127 towns between 10, 000 nnd 20.000 It Is 271; In 332 towns between 5,000 nnd 10,000 It Is 210, and In nlncty-tlvo towns with a population below 5.000 It Is 1S1. Chitrlc A. Dunn' llrother. Junius Dana, who Is by two years tho Junior of Charles A. Dana, lives quietly nt Warren, O., whero ho Is a director In a ntitlonnl bank. His life lias been a very actlvo ono and typically Amorlcnn. Junius Dana Is u frequent visitor to Now York nnd a special room In his brother's house Is over at his disposal, ITS PERILS ARE MANY.. Lnlio Superior !. nil lltceeillngly Trench rroiix Hoily of Wnl'T. riom the Detroit 1'rco Press: Tho recent accident to the steamer Mlssoulu tends to bIiow more clearly than any thing that occurred the vast area of Lake Superior, and the possibility of a tFsel'H crew reaching land lifter ship wreck and yet being unheard of for a touplu of weeks nfter starting on a wiyape. The shores of Michigan, Wis consin and Minnesota on tho big lake tire traversed by railways and tele graph lines, and the towns nnd small settlements on the American side of the lake, even to the Islands, furnish ready mums of communication with the larger cities; but not bo on that part of Iho Canadian shore north of the Iskes, where n wilderness Inhabited by n few fishermen nnd Indians exists. This is especially true of the Canadian shore Just above Sault Sto. Marie, and for a long stretch of country to the north nnd cast of tho point where the Canadian Pacific railway turns In to the shore of the hike and traverses It on toward Port Arthur mil Fort William. When the Missoula broke her shaft and was ren dered helpless bIio was less than twenty-five miles from Caribou Island en the course down townrd Sault Ste. Marie. She was somewhat off tho reg ular course of vessels bound down from the bead of Lake Superior, but If she bad been ublo to make any headway toward the Sault, or care for herself at all on the course sho was follow'ng, sho vould have been picked up very soon after the accident by some passing ves sel. Hut a southerly wind drifted her out of the course of even tho few ves ;e!s trading to Canadian ports at tho head of the lakes, and she was worklp.s over toward the wildest part of t the Canadian north shore territory when her crew was conivelled to ubandon her. A glance nt the chart will show that Hrule point, where the crew of the Mis soula Ilrst made land, Is scarcely moro than sovcnty-flvo miles from Sault Ste. Marie, where 15.000,000 tons of freight passes through a canal In a single sea son, and yet the men in one of Iho Mis foula'n yawl boats spent nearly two days working along the shore of tho lake before they found any moie sign of llfo than a deserted fisherman's iihanty, In which they built a tire and dried their wet clothing. The fishing season 1 as closed, but even flshei men are scarce In this territory during the most active periods. It Is not strange, there fore, that the men from the Missoula v.cre nearly a full week in finding means cf communicating with the owners ot tho vessel after they had landed on the dieary north shore of Lake Superior. WOULDN'T WEAR IT. K.iil MUtitkr by li Sliirl-Mliti'ii l!liluii In DiikI.iimI. From the St. James Hudget: There is s hat story in which a well-known biEhop and a lately deceased marquis played leading parts. The marquis, who married n Gaiety chorus girl, and, generally speaking, lived up to the high iilandard of his marriage life, was ac customed to wear a particular style of hat, shorter than that favored by most men. One dny ho wont Into bio bai lor kor's In Piccadilly and asked for a new one to be made. The shopwalker took the hat, and walked down to tho far end of tho Bhop to give the requisite Instructions, leaving the hntless mar quis standing in the shop. At this mo ment there entered tho shortsighted lishop ot X, also In want of a new head gear. He saw only a small man, who might have passed for n shopkeeper, Btnndlng staring nt him. So ho took his peculiar hat off his head and went up u him. "Do you think, my good man." he said, persuasively, "that you have a bat like that?" The marquis looked at him for u moment, speechless with in ('Ignatlon, while the shopkeeper, seeing what was amiss, hurried up as fast as he could. Unfortunately, tho niarqu'B found his volco beforo tho hat man reached his client. "No," be said, giv ing tho bishop back his headgear; "I haven't got u hat like that, and If I had I'm d-d It I'd wear it." VENEZUELA IN PARAGRAPHS. KIriU states nro In the union. Population of Venezuela Is 2,121,99S Venezuela contains 5UG.000 squaro miles. Fifteen per cent of tho population aro full-blooded Indians. The territory In disputo Is about tho size of our stato of Maine. Hrltlsh (iiilnnti was ncqulrod by Eng land through treaty In 181 1. In 1S93 the amount of gold mined In Venezuela was 17,000 ounces. Slavery In tho republic was abol ished by tho decrco ot March 24, 1851. Venezuela's export trado with Now York reaches $5,000,000 n year. Dlfllcultles between Venezuela and Oreat Hrltain flrst aroso In 1S30, It Is estimated that soventy-Hve revo lutions hnvo occurred nlnco tho estab lishment of the republic, An nbsoluto separation of church and stato has been effected, civil mnrrlngo Is Insisted on, nnd other ndmlrnblo and progressive Institutions hnvo been es tablished. Previously to 1SSC her public school B'ystom was very unlmportnnt, only 1,312 pupils being In attendnnco nt tho public schools In tho year mentioned. Now tho nttondanro exceeds 100,000. Tho constitution makes presidents In ellglblo for election, and It Is tho earn est endenvor of Venezuelan statcsmon to establish tho politics of tho country on a Arm footing of ponce and order. United States Minister, Mr. Pile, ot Virginia, onco ventured to present him self to tho president on ono occasion minus n necktie. President Hlanco very sharply reminded him of his forgetful ness of otlquetto, and shortly afterward sent him about his business. BJGCfEST IN WORM). VEIOHS G20 POUNDS, ACCORD ING TO THE CITY WEIGHER. Nrurlv 7 IS IVel Armiiiit lln- WutM Height it l.ltllu Out O IVnt, ami No Itiilhrny I'ur In I'riinio Will Admit I llm. It ASSKHIK 1)11 Colosso" ( liner sa loon of the Colos sus) Is tho nanio of n new lefreshment leaort built around the llgure of the biggest man In the world on the bou levard St. Denis. dP, 0mm iiiw'rii ii near tho old Porte St. Martin, Paris. Cities have been built around royal palaces and state coaches around the court trains of drawing-room aspirants. but whoever heard of u dlnlng-hall erected on plana subject to tho dimen sions and. the weight of a single man These extraordinary precaution! wero resorted to In order to accommo date and safely lodge Monsieur Canon Ilerg, whose portrait is herewith repro duced. Cnnon-HerK. the "Colossus," whom Paris goes to look at nowadays, Is as long as he Is broad. He measures six feet and three-quarters of an Inch from the solo of his foot to tho top of bis head and exactly as much ncross the chest from the right to tho left urm pit. HIGGFST MAN IN Ills upper thigh measures four foot and one Inch nroimd; IiIb calves meas ure two feet and eleven Inches, and his' upper arm is one foot and cloven inches around. Ho weighs exactly 520 pounds, a:vl there Is no deception possible, for all tho figures quoted nro from tho city weigher's olllce. properly attested by signatures, seals and government stamps. Around tho waist M. Cnnon-Herg uses up seven feet four and a half Inches of tho tape. Tho brasserie in which ho Is finan cially Interested does n tremendous business nil day, but between tho hours ot 8 nnd 1 o'clock at night It is hardly possible to secure a "ntundup," not to say a scat, there. Tho big man occupies a specially built platform nt tho renr of the es tablishment, tho platform being con structed of solid beams, and supported underneath tho floor by Iron pillars. This was dono by order ot tho police. Ho alts on two benches one placed In front of tho other. Every half hour ho takes a constitutional and walks from tho platform to tho entranco door over a strip of carpet that covers a portion 'ot tho floor supported by pillars tho samo way ns tho platform. Cnnon-Herg rises slowly, supporting his weight by plnclng his hands firmly against tho arms of the bench and, nt tho samo time, making a few Jerking motions with tho upper part of tho body. Then ho begins to sot his feet down deliberately, ono beforo tho other. Ho does not look exactly as if ho woro going to topple over, but his trembling, uncertain steps and tho way his cor poslty quivers suggests a dlro physical catastrophe. Mcanwhllo tho nudlence is requested to keep to their sents so that all may have "a chanco to observe tho Colossus from tho front nnd rear" as ho goes up and down. Viewed from tho front, tho smallncsB of tho head strikes ono as remarkable. Tho breadth of tho shoulders, too, Is not In proportion to the glnnt's bIzo. Ho entered upon tho show business only recently In order to Invest tho money ho mndo as a working brower. B t) ill til I i.'Jti Ipf! Until n few months ago ho acted ns Inspector of breweries In the Nether lands, having learned the trade In Ger many. He Is not a (Jermnn, however, but a French-Swiss. He was always a strong, healthy and corpulent boy and mnn, fond of ath letics, swimming nnd dnnclng. To re duce his weight ho mndo a tour of Hol land on foot, but meeting with an ac cident, had to return In a freight car. nono of tho passenger conches having doors largo enough to admit lilm. In this way he traveled to Paris. Only tho Swiss passenger ears are roomy enough for the Colussus. He has a brother weighing 350 pounds, but his sisters nro ot normal build. All the great Paris medical scientists nro InvestlgatlngthoColossus. Most of them seem to think thnt Canon Herg Is suffering from an abnormality of the heart. "That may be true, or not," says tho giant, "but to be perfectly frank, 1 never knew I had a heart." Tim Willi Wct In Arlrnna. A real wild west carnival, In the heart of what Is left of tho wild west Itself, Is planned to be held In Arizona next Fobruary. It Is to bo In or near Phoenix. Representatives of every In dian trlbo In Arizona, and of most tribes In tho southwest, aro to be pres ent, and. because of the proximity of tho exhibition to their nctlvo haunts, they will bo able to show almost tho real thing In Indian llfo and ways. Then the whole country round nbout Is cov ered with cuttle ranges, nnd there are many hundreds of cowboys, In ever) wny representative of their class, who THE WOULD. will bo nblo to be present, not nlono ns exhibits, but ns spectators. Tho pro Jectora think the show will bo a big success. IIcht Ho Afckt'il (irurr. A commercial traveler who wan tnk Ing a vacation with his uncle In tho country, says tho Sauk Center (Minn.) Avnlanche, was uuddenly called upon to nsk tho blessing, and, not being nc eustomed to It, promptly tackled tho dlfllciilty In tho following words: "Wo acknowledge tho receipt of your favor of thh dace. Allow ur to express our gratitude for this expression of good will. Trusting thnt our houso may merit your confldenco nnd that wo may have ninny good orders from you this all, wo nro yours truly." llcttlrNt llnrun In New I'u clu ntl. A wonder In tho form of horseflesh may be scon at Houghton's stablo In Hennlngton, Vt. Tho anlmnl Is of tho Clydesdnlo breed, 5 years old, eighteen hands high, nnd wcghs 2,100 pounds. Ills head lo aB large as a half barrel. Ho belongs to Ernest Tudor of Somer set, and Is used with n mate soniowhnt smaller In lumbering on tho mountains. Ho Is probably tho heaviest pleco of horseflesh In nil New England. An Anctll'K Mull, Tho nnglor flBh angles for his prey. From tho upper part of his head pro JectK two long tentacles, with fleshy extremities, which wavo about In tho water and attract Binnll fish, thnt, ap proaching and attempting to solzo the small bait, aro themselves captured by tho angler. (irlm I'ldiimintry. China baa kindly consented to do capltato olghteon more participants In tho Ku Cheng rIot3. Slowly, but surely, tho missionaries nro making headway over there. Crookston (Minn,) Times. Women Working for Dlitnrmnmrnt. Gorman women hnvo been appealed to by tho International Womnn's Lenguo for Pence In Paris to holp them i bringing nbout a general disarmament. FOUND AN APT PUPIL. Ilntr the AroiI Dug limglit the Vnp (V Slum! Sentinel Over the llntiie. From the Detroit Journal: Tho fol lowing dog story Is told by an old res ident who has never been required to present affidavits, but will do so If de sired, although a resident on Piety Hill Ho hail an old dog, n spaniel, that for nearly twenty yenrs has been the most faithful of guardians. Summer or win ter, fair weather or foul, ns soon aa the key was turned In the lock of the back door ho has taken his position nt the threshold, nnd not the slightest sound escnped his investigation during the night. In hot weather the family linvi ' never hesitated to leave the door open for ventilation. In all these years tin first riser In the morning bns ti'-vet failed to find "old Hover" nlcrt at hit post at tho threshold. Then, relieved of his charge, be Immediately retired to his bunk In the woodshed for slum ber. Tho faithful old fellow Is becom ing decrepit and bis ninster recently carried homo a bull terrier pup with n pedigree of great length and the bluest of blood; nn unlettered pup from Mu kcnnel of Its mother; full ot playful ness, free from every care, thoughtless and perpetually hungry. That wo three months ago. and the pup i.i now 5 months old. For u time the old brown spaniel hud no U3o for the frlhky llttlo white-haired fellow, so entirely unllko himself, that ran under him Jumped over uml upon his back.grabbeil his long and silky cars and attempted to run away with them, but after a llmo It wns u clear case of grandfather and the youngest baby. This Is the situation now: When the key la turned it Is tho pup that takes the position at tho threshold, while the old dog, confi dent of the faithfulness ot his proxy sentinel, retires to his piece of carpet and snores the night through. Not only does the terrier remain on duly all night, but the moment someone iu astir in tho house she retires to her bunk tor Bleep, Just as the old dog did for mi many yenrs. The owner has tip-toed down to the door at all hours, but has never found her napping. "You can not muke mo believe Hint this in In. stlnct, unless you concede that instinct Is thought nnd Intelligence, nnd that dogs liavo the power to communicate them." he declares. "Three montlm ago this pup knew absolutely nothing, except how to play and eat. Its solo companion has been the old dog, uml to-day the pup knows all that tho old dog knows, nnd the old dog known the pup knows It, and lias retired from business fully aware that his duties have been left to a competent and faith ful successor. I'm going to take the pup to a friend's house for a night or two and sou if the old dog doesn't Im mediately resume his post by tho door." How Shu round ii Nimi ilo I'lnine. Miss French (Octavo Thanct) thun ex plains how she got her noni do plumes "Octavo was the name of a school friend. It Is both French and Scotch. I thought if I could find another nnmo to go with It that wan both French and Scotch I would adopt that. I was riding on a train ono tlmo when we stopped at a way stntlon, nnd on tho siding near whero I snt was a freight car painted red. On tho sldo was chalked tho word 'Thnnet.' What It meant or how It got thero I have not tho slightest Idea, but I decided then and thero to adopt it. Lots of people still think that Oct;nu Thanet Is a man." Milking I'rrrnme. In the collecting of perfumes two pro cesses uro employed. In ono the greusn process, boxes with glass bottoms are nretiared. tho bottom being covered with purso grease, or suet, and Hie flowers, gathered fresh every day dur ing tho Eonson, nro laid on trays In the box, tho grease being laid to absorb their fragrance. Stviin I'mit I'mprllrr, " A steam yacht was onco constructed with propellers on tho principal of tho nwnn foot. The progress of the bo.t whs quite satisfactory, and tho pro pellers would have been a success weie It not for the fact that tho experiment being marto in the Thames, they were continually Interfered with by the root.i nnd floating wood. lliipllnilo WYtlilliig I're.entK. "Do you know that Snlgloy is tho father of twins?" "Yes, I heard It Inst night at tho club. Did you hear what ho said about It .'" "No. What?" "He said that they wero the flrst duplicite wedding prcFents that Mrs. Snlgloy an-! be had received." WIT AND HUMOR. Teacher: "Johnnie, glvo me tho name of the largest known diamond." "Tho ace." An exchnngo has an artlclo on "Why Hies Make Honey." Thoy mako It to cell. "Tho editor," said a contemporary, "who said his mouth nover uttered a Ilo probably spoko through his nose." A philosopher says, "My friend con ducted his futuro wlfo to tho nltar and hero his leadership camo to an end." Somo wicked Ynnkoo says that ho baa "invented a now telegraph." Ho pro poses to placo a lino ot women fifty steps npart, and commit tho nows to the first ob a profound secret. A married couple sat down tho other night to a gamo of cards. Sho: "What nre you going to piny for?" Ho: "Any thing you liko." Sho: "Lot us play for a now Jacket, dear. If you loso I shall liavo tho choosing of it, nnd if I lose you Ghall." Excited American Freshman: "Did I pass my examination, professor?" Professor, with proud Bcorn: "No, sir!" Off dances Freshlo, radiant with E111II03. Professor: "You misunderstood mo; you failed, sir!" Incorrlglblo Freshman "Ah, but I won a bet, you see!" Pro fessor staggers. Democmw, uuvVtyftr" w(: -4ur flgrr nnrf,tiw.. - "" " --?