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RED CLOUD OHM
:
A. O. HOSMER, Proprietor.
Ml CLOUD.
- NFBRASKA
THE JESTER.
All the court's In a stir
Overmymatinjj.
Her Majesty made me ber
Lady is waiting.
1 had of suitors mora
Than yoa could name them;
Yet I did irire them o'er.
Nor wish to claim them.
My heart waxed warm for none
Whom others smiled upon
I had been moved and won
By the King's Jester.
Folks question. How cul
Bide a fool lover!
Faith, an I do not lie
I do discover
Fools wearing wisdom's cloak
At though it fitted.
There is Sir Godfrey Hoke,
Quite sorry witted;
He proved his peacock-pat
When ho avowed that fate
Meant me to be his mate
Give me my Jester.
My prandamen mad with grief
Over my choice:
It gives her great relief
To usd her voice.
Harshly she chides when ha
CulU me sweet iofcies.
And all the maris, perdcol
Up tilt tholr noies.
They are sore shucked. I wis,
ltut I care naught for this.
Flouting at them. I kiss
My motley Jester.
Those walting-maidB would bo
Crimson with anger
If they but knew how he
Mockt'd at their languor
And silly, mincing way
There's I'rudcncc I'enny,
Of her I like dispraise
Far more than any;
For she's a haughty jado.
Alack! I am afraid
HI gaming at first tnado
Me lir.e the Jester.
With love o'rrllows my cop;
Still, he's not handsome.
Yet I'd not gi htm up
For a king's ransom.
He will ne'er anger me
When we are marrird;
His face will never lie
Scowling and harried.
What though his Its are light?
I love him in despite;
At church this very niht
I'll wed my Jester!
Maud Annulet Andrews, in Century.
ENRIQUE.
How lie Hoi pod Fight tho
Agents.
Roisd
'Well, for ono reason." said Mr. French.
"liecause lightning doesn't
often strike
twice in the same place."
"That might do for an argument about
most other matters," returned hia wife,
"but not about nibbing stages."
"O. stuff!" said the husband, with tho air
or putting an end totlicdiscussion. "Women
aro always scared to death. I'll risk En
rique for n trip from Hedwood City to I'es
cadero, and I know j-ou're Hilling to.
Come, get the young gentleman ready; wc
must take that half-past seven."
Mr. French was one of those go-ahead,
sanguine men who aro pretty sure to havo
their own way, and who generally come out
right by so doing. The matter that had been
discussed at this time was that of a pro
jected trip Tor their adopted son, Enrique,
tb I he little town of Puseadero.
Enrique was the child of some Spanish,
or, uioro properly, Spanish-American peo
ple, who had been friends of Mr. French,
and who, when they died, had left thoir lit
tle son to his care. Both his wife and he
riad taken a strong fancy to the pretty or
phan, and had finally adopted him.
Tho summer the dry season of Califor
nia was just lieginuing, Euriquo was a lit
tle fagged with his studies, and it had been
deemed advisable to send him to the coast
to recruit. lVscadero had been selected as
at once healthful, and posscksiugthe proper
attractions for tho little fellow, and the time
had come for him to be mado ready. But
just as every thing elso had been arranged,
his board engaged at tho house of a fatherly
nxtichtro, even his little trunk brought down
from the attic wheu, in short, all things
were ready to bo got ready what should
occur but a startling stage-coach robbery.
Yes. the Hedwood City mail-stage, six
passengers aboard, and Wclls-Fargo's ex
press 1kx was stopjied and plundered. Even
some comparatively valueless riugs bad
been taken from the iiassencers, and then
the harnesses bad been cut and the horses
driven awny, so that it was some tinio be
fore any one could be summoned to tho
rescue. This it was that had brought about
tho discussion Just given between Mr.
French and bis wi'e. But tho father had
thought it unlikely that the same stage
would le soon attacked again and so had
gone on with his plans for little Enrique's
departure.
On the follow ing morning, then. Baring
carefully seen that his gun was strapped to
bis other luggage, and that his jointed Ash
ing rod had not been forgotten, Enrique
kissed his mother, and entered tho hack to
be driven to the station. The Frenches live
in San Francisco, and Hedwood City, where
Enrique was to take tho stage, was about
thirty-flvo miles distant.
Tho rido to the train and afterward that
in tho cars, presented nothing eventful.
When Enrique got out upon the platform at
Hedwood there was a tall, spare man with
a face heavily bearded and much sunburned,
ready to show the passengers to the staff.
This personage proved to te the driver him
self, and Enrique looked with deep respect
at his tall, strong ticure as he moved about
directing how things should go. and nodding
his head authoritatively. Thi head, by the
by, was surmounted byanawe-iusptriBgaat
with a mighty brim, slightly inclined to
ward one ear.
At last every thing seemed to be arranged;
Enrique ami three of the other passengers
an women nau oeen disHsed of inside,
a stout old gentleman and a tall young sua
bad been given seats ujon the box, and the
driver mounted to his place. He received
the reins graciously from an assistant, pulled
bis gloves a little better in place, and gave
the signal to the horses. Away they want
at a great pace.
First they cradled and bounced along tea
streets of the little town, then proceeded
more slowly across the black, flat, opes
country covered with tarweed that exteads
f.o the beginning of the foot hills; and at
wast, mora moderately still, up the hills,
themselves.
Now it was very uncomfortable, for
while. The sun poured down, the dust rose
up, and no refreshing breeze found its way
into me aeep-cui roau. The poor horses
clambered and sweated and panted. The
stout man outside pat up his umbrella ami
grumbled. The passengers with Enrique
v complained and "O deared."
At last they reached the little hamlet of
Bearsvllle, and here the driver stopped the
Horses, incy were glad enough.
brutes, for the moment rest, sad
still when water was brought and they
allowed to plunge their heads up to the
eyes in its coolness.
Then forward again, and preseaUy the
way became more agreeable. The road
wound about more exposed places, little
put's of air reached them, and aow they
rolled dowa into little dells where the cool
trees almost met overused.
"I heara this moraia hew the driver
gom'to carry three or f oar gaas with him,
after this," said eae of the women, whe sat
ay Eariaas. "1 dmVt sea nethte ef em"
saecoaunaaf,rhaal-st la, bat Is
a must
swrensn miimslwmmmmv I nan km taasr a wish . . I .. . ..... l W . ..H.
Can't be he wouM tempt Providence set to
take 'em."
"Lor!" said another woman, "I hope to
mercy he A'it took 'em. What could h
do 'lone sginst eight or ten road agents I
I'm sure, for my part. I should go for all
ban's bein' jest as submissive as they could,
s'pos'n the agents did come."
And I think with you." said the third
passenger, a lady-like, rather pretty young
woman, somewhat better dressed than the
others. ' We could do aothing to resist a
gang of men fully armed and determined. I
am sure, for my part, I only came to-day
because I thought it would be an unusually
safe time. Lightning rarely strikes twice
ia the same place."
"That's what father said," here spoke up
Enrique. He Judged it a fitting time to say
a word, and was heartily tired of keeping
still. "He thought the robbers would keep
away from thU stage for awhile." be weat
on, "and hide, may be, for a spell, like mice."
The bright, aaimated countenance of the
boy, and especially his great, dark. Spanish
eyes had been observed by his fellow-passengers
for some time, but bis rather shy
manner bad prevented their making any
advances toward acquaintance. They were
glad to hear his voloe, and at once replied
to him. They had succeeded in finding out
most of bis brief history, and had learned
that be was nearly ten years old, when they
were interrupted by the coach stopping.
The passengers all glanced out, in some
alarm, but were reassured by discovering
that it was merely a pause for a way-passenger.
He seemed to have come out of a
kind of gorge, and appeared to have come
across from another road. He was a short,
stoutly-built man, dressed in a gray busi
ness suit, was smoothly shaven and wore
green spectacles. He appeared to be about
forty-five or tertians fifty years old.
"I think I will ride inside, if there is
room," be said, in a pleasant, rather low
pitched voice. As he spoke he came up to
the coach door.
"Flcnty of room," said the driver. He de
scended as ho spoke, and let in tho stranger.
The others mado room for him promptly,
and he was soon seated beside the pleasant
young lady. He had no baggage, but car
ried simply a stout cane.
There was something attractive about the
man's face, and all were ple.iscd with him.
Perhaps they thought be would bo a valua
ble aid iB case there should be trouble from
the.dreadcd "agents."
Now the road begun to ascend once more,
and soon the coach had reached the loftiest
altitude of the trip. The whole Santa Clara
Valley lay spread out like a map at their
feet and far in the distance loomed the bluo
peaks of the northern spur of the Coast
Range. The air here was thin and hard to
breathe, and one seemed almost neighbor to
the bluo summer sky with its tracery of
white, low-lying clouds.
The driver now urged bis horses a little,
and they bowled along at a good pace over
tho mile or so of smooth road that extended
along the summit. Soon they entered upon
a narrow, winding way, iienetratlng a
growth of low-branched trees, and with its
course cut out of the sido of the mountain
like a shelf. 80 onward till at last they
reached the open again. It was high noon
now, and time they reached Weeks's Ranch.
A tremendous crack of the driver's whip,
a swinging, cradling gallop, and they tore
around a low hill, and in a moment were de
scending a little declivity to a large farm
bouse. A dexterous, back-handed twist of
tho whip, dropping it in its socket, a quick
gathering of the reins in the driver's hands,
now a firm foot on the brake. Presto! it
was done. One sudden jerk, and then a Jolt.
"How are ye, Mr. Weeks!" says the
driver. It was an old trick with him. and
why should he not be cooll But Enrique
thought that it was a wonderful crform-
ance, and his admiration for the driver in
creased. The passengers hastened to rid themselves
of what dust they could, and sat down to
dinner. This was presently over and they
saw the four new horses put to. in place of
the six that had brought them hither, and
then they took their places again.
"Why do they put only four horses in place
of the six!" Enrique ventured to askthe new
passcager, as they started.
"Because said tho roan, with a pleasant
smile, "tho way is mostly down hill."
"Thank you," said Enrique, much grati
fied. The man smiled again.
"He's a first-class chap." thought tho lad
to himself. "I reckon ho likes boys."
Tho fresh horses now seemed disposed to
show their mettle, and tho driver was will
ing that they should. So they dashed on
bravely for awhile, and during the interval
no ono seemed disposed to talk. A few
miles further, and they came down to a
alowcr pace, and now tho way was growing
wilder and more rocky.
"It was atong hero somowherc, I was told,
that tho stage was robbed," said the gentle
man with the spectacles, tils hearers
started.
"Great Joshua! I hope the' ain't none
roand thl time," said the old lady, who had
been formerly for war. "I told Mr. Dilly-
bock fere I left this mornin'," she went on,
"that jest as likely as not some of the crit
ters might pouueo on us. He only jest
laffed at me."
"And 1 told my husband," said the other
older woman, "says I. Mr. Pcnnidge, if I
como back dead to-night, you mus'n't be
surprised, and he said ho wouldn't. I do
believe ho did ' feel jot right about bavin'
mo come, though, truly."
The young lady and the gentleman smiled
in spite of themselves, and even Enrique
was amused. The two women chattered on.
Soon they passed through the romantic little
village of Ban Gregorio. Here the two old
ladies madesomo talk about "gittiu' nut and
stoppitr over," but made no move to carry
the idea into execution. Now they were
whirling through a desolate region, and
presently the horses were holding back,
aided by the brake, down a long and peril
ously steep hilL
Looking oat Enrique saw, on one hand, a
high, bald cliff, and on the other a frightful
ravine, and still further on a long succes
sion of gulches, precipitous cliffs, and bare,
rocky hill-sides. Always on the left rose
the frowning, craggy mountain. He drew
in his head with a Utile sigh.
"What w ItP asked the young lady,
pleasantly.
"Nothing," said Enrique, trying to smile
back. He was ashamed of the depression
this wild scenery gsve him, and like the
little man he was, would not say any thing
to dlstarb the others. Now the stage
lurched, and came to an abrupt halt.
"Yes," they heard the driver say, "I saw
em."
"Then drive slowly," said a voice, which
they recogaised as that of the tall young
"Get your pop ready," he added next mc
leat, "I do believe there's going to be bust-
The young lady turned deadly pale. The
other women uttered dismal groans. Even
the sua in the glasses looked disturbed. As
fer little Enrique he did not quite under
stand it all, bat felt strangely excited.
"Hello!" said the driver. "Why, them
fellers are comln' dowa. aad mean to show
themselves. Bold, ala't they !"
Oae. two, three, four." answered the
young man. rather irrelevantly. "Four of
them."
"Yea, they've got dowa into the road, aad
are waiting. Drive en."
ere Mrs. DiUyhoek thrust her bead oat
of the window. She drew it ta abruptly.
Great Joshua! There's four men armed
to the teeth, a-etaadia dowa there in the
read. What will become of usi O dear,
why did I ever leave my heme, aad poor
Mr.DiUynock! Odear! O dear!"
-Be aaiet, madam!" This ia a stern
veiee from the yoaag man oa the box.
Theremaybeaodaagerat all, aad if there
Mwemasthaveabeelate quiet. Yoa mast
be ready te act as we direct."
"Whe is that feUer!" faiatiy
Mrs. DClyheck.
1 tafak be w WeUs-Fargo's
mwmmnTmntr 1 manawl sUmw) mmwmKmwmmsmm msHKah mawmmmawm
VamsV&mwr m mmmm mmVV BsnVmmPmmsTrmV Wlttm mVmVmwEnmmV
aamineuomt taatae leemw certnlhr after a eanmea
The
other rejoinder.
Now the stage Jolted ea agaia slowly, ami
presently came to a halt once more. They
were now jast beneath a huge, towering
cliff, while on the other side was a fearful
ravine. A little to one side or the cliff the
mountain receded less abruptly, and here
grew a few stunted trees and bashes. A
kind of sheep-path here appeared, aad it
seemed to be by this that the new-comers
had descended.
Enriqae thrust out his head once more.
Far away to the south aad east be could
see where the road repeated itself ia a
white, indistinct line. Jast below this it
appeared mere plainly agaia. He had heard
his father say that near Pescsdero there
was a place where the roads wound about
in such a manner that three distinct sec
tions of it could be seen at ence, one above
the other. 1U knew thai this must be the
place. 'They' were then apon tbeapperof
these shelves er terraces. He was enabled
to see the two sections, because the read
there curved.
All this took but a glance, and he noted it
scarcely realizing that be did so. Then be
leaned out still farther, and looked eagerly
for the four men.
There they came, gaaa ia their hands, and
dressed in rough, coarse clothes. Bat what
interested him most was the fact that they
were not masked, as road agents were said
to be, and that they carried their weapons
in a peaceful manner.
"Only a party or hunters," he thought,
with a glad jump of the heart. Than his
eye happened to rest on the uppermost dis
tant curve in the road. Something was
flashing In the afternoon sun and creatures
like horses, were seen to be in motion.
"A party of men with gu ns," ho said to
himself, "and they are riding dreadfully
fast. What can they be after.
He sank back in his scat too much excited
to seak. or scarcely to think. Just then
"Well, Buckskin Tom, bow's the old body?
I used to know you, but guess you've for
gotten mc. My name's Chandler, from Deer
Licks."
"Don't know you, Mr. Chandler," the
heard the driver say.
"No; thought you didn't- Well, me and
the kit of us here have been huntin,' and
we're pretty tired. Reckon you can give us
a lift to Pescadcrny."
They heard a low murmur from the box at
this, and it wae apparent that the driver and
the express messenger were talking. Once
or twice they also thought they beard tbo
tones of the stout passenger.
"Can't accommodate you." spoke up the
driver at last. "It's only a mile to Kennett's
ranch. Keep the road we're going a mile,
and take the first turn to the left Only
half a mile from there, and Kennctt will
keep you until you are rested."
Once more Enrique ventured to peep from
the window. He witnessed a sight that
gave him a thrill of astonishment and ter
ror. One of the four men was standing
near the window, and Enrique saw that one
of his long whiskers was hanging loose
from his face. It was evident that the man
wore a false beard.
A glance at the other threo strangers
showed that they wore an unusual amount
of hair about their faces. It was evident
that they, too, were disguised.
Scarcely bad Enrique made this startling
discovery when their fellow-passengerwlth
the spectacles drew off his gloves, and made
as though to leavo tho coach. The boy,
glancing at him in surprise, saw that he was
fumbling with some object in an inner
pocket, and the next moment be produced a
small revolver. His mouth had a fierce, set
look now, and his eyes seemtd to shine
through his spectacles in away that terrified
the lad. While Enriquo yet stared at him he
deliberately cocked tho revolver, deftly
opened the coach door, and swuug himseir
out upon the step.
The next moment he jtointtd hi rrvolttr tip at
the mtssencjtr. Before a word could be said,
a motion made, a pistol shot rang out from
the box. and the man with the detached
beard dropped instantly from sight.
"Tie on your whiskers better, next time.
Tiger Rod!" thundered the voice of tho ex
press messenger. "I'm on to your game
Give 'em the lash, driver!"
As he spoke the crack of tho heavy stage
whip sounded, and the coach made a great
bound forwanl.
Meantime, how had it fared with the man
with the spectacles!
We have seen that he had raised his pistol,
and seemed in the very act of firing it. It
was at this precise moment that the mes
senger himseir had fired, and in doing so
had changed his position. On firing ho had
leaned far orer toward the driver, so as to
avoid a return shot, and by so doing had
taken himseir out or the would-be assassin's
range. And now the stage was flying for
ward at a terrible pace, and the man had
much ado to keep his footing. He managed
it after a few seconds, and then flattened
himself as much as posdble against the
coach. This was to avoid the return shots
of his friends, which now came singing past
them.
Taken completely by surprise by the act or
tho messenger, and not prepared for the
headlong plunge of the horses, they hsd
been unable to make an effort to prevent
the escape.
Tho young girl sat dumb with fright, the
other women were crouching in the bottom
of the coach, also tongue-tied with terror,
and poor little Enrique half stood in his
place, his great eyes fixed wildly on the man
with the pistol.
And now the ruffian seemed to think a
second opportunity had come. Doubtless,
the messenger was in his old place, and
could be reached by a bold outward awing.
It was evident the effort roust bo made soon
too, as the man might look dowa and dis
cover his enemy.
Swiftly the wretch swung out from the
step. His revolver was once more raised.
Then came the climax of Enrique's life. He
saw the pistol raised, he saw the man's
ccrdy fingers clinched upon the door frame.
Tho one supreme suggestion or the mo
ment came. At the boy's feet, where he
had kicked it about all day, was a small iron
wrench. Stooping like lightning the little
hero caught it up. swung it aloft, dashed it
down with all his force oa the clinging
fingers!
There was a yell like that from the throat
of a dyiag wolf as the man loosed his bold
and fell, braised and maimed, into the road.
and Enrique saw him no more. The coach
rolled on; the messenger was saved!
The coach did not stop aatll Kennel's
ranch was reached. Then the driver dis
mounted, and the women told him the storv
of Enrique's opportune act. You maybe
sure iaai ooia see anver ana toe messenger
whose life the boy had saved, made maca
ef him daring the rest of the trip He
a hero at Pescsdero for a whole week.
P. B. Corrmxow.
An ingenious device for controlling
excitable horses has been invented.
eays the Indiana Farmer. It ia at
tached to the brow bead of the bridle,
and a light but firm cord runs through
loops along tho reins to the hand-piece.
"In case of fright pull the cord, aad
instantly the horse is blindfolded. This
diverts his attention from the object of
fright aad puts him into another trala
of thought. Let go the cord aad the
dauble spring instaaCy withdraws the
blinds from the eyes aad rolls them out
ofsight. This device te not clumsy
and does not clog ia action."
The population of the United
States la 1790 aaaeuatad to S,2,?14,
aad the cost of the census was $44,177.
This remreeeate a cost par capita af
LIS cents. In I860 tke pesnmttea
aaMMatedte50.1U.7S.aadt4eceetot
xae ceaeoe wan sm.eaz.7M. saewwg
per easiUalll.fS cents, er
tfceeaat per Tilt erf
thacaaaa-af lTtO,
HINTS TO INVENTORS.
sVetTheas Try
Their Skill by Deslgnta
a Roallr Ceaftortable Seat
Thousands of models of a perfectly
comfortably seat will be made this win
ter in the Northern States by healthy
boys playing in the snow banks. They
will cast themselves backward against
the slope of the drifts and sink and
wriggle themselves into a position of
heavenly rest in which the absolute
content of the head, shoulders, back,
2nd legs allures body and soul to slum
ber, even in a temperature of zero.
And there is not a chair-maker in this
smartest of nations smart enough thus
far to have made a chair on the lines
left in the snow bank by the boy's
body.
For forty-fivo years the male Ameri
can's experience of chairs and other
furniture to sit on has been a martyr
dom to ignorance and fashion. Their
convex surfaces may be the deserved
punishment of our national sin of per
mitting unrestricted immigration.
They came from Germany, and were
the treacherous gift of German uphol
sterers to the confidinL' Republic that
welcomed and fostered them. Ily rea-
son of the convexity of the seats thero
is not in any well-furnished parlor in
this city a comfortable chair or sofa.
To sit on them is to sit on a globe or a
cannon ball. The seat should always
bo hollow.
Hut the palm of reckless cruelty and
unthinking stupidity in the manufact
ure of furniture for domestic life is
easily carried oil by our American swilt
money maker.-. Consider the rocking
chair which curves our place.- of sum
mer resort, seaside ami mountain.
Look at the abominable thing later
ally! It is the contrivance of an idiot
or a devil. The ent slopes steeply
backward. The rockera short and ex
cessively curved, serve additionally to
throw the front edge of the seat up into
tho air. This lifts the sitters feet from
tho floor and brings tho weight of the
legs on the sharp edge of the seat front,
and accomplishes a torture which no
human being can endure for over fif
teen minutes without an outcry or an
oath. Regard the thing's back! A re
cess, too deep by half, invites tho
shoulders to repose. Below this re
cess a malicious bulge in the structure
jams the tender small of the back,
forces the lower part of the spine to
sustain the entiro weight of the reclin
ing trunk, and defeats possibility of
rest to the shoulders. It must havo
been a Puritan cabinetmaker's idea of
the lino of beauty that established a
curvature of the American rocking
chair's back, which from the shoulders
up recedes into spaco and mockingly
refuses tho weary head.
Certainly, thero is a great fortuno
for somebody in a perfectly restful seat
on chair, sofa and rocker for American
use. Tho nation is in a state of mad
revolt and in a mood to be reckless
about tho price of relief. The mechanic
who starts for this gold mine must
carry in his hand and hold before his
eyes tho 'convex" utterly smashed,
hated, despised, and spit on. The es
tablished model f)f our rocking-chair's
b.iekmiist be felt by him to be the un
pardonable sin and tho crowning shamo
of American h iii-ehold art. This me
chanics soul must bo filled with a rcv
erouco for curled horse hair, and his
gorge must rise chronically against
moss, excel sior. tow. shoddy and rags
as material for a seat for an honest
man to make for a good man to sit on.
N. Y. Sun.
BOOZE FOR SENATORS.
What Led to the Origin of tho I'. 8. Sen
ate Restaurant.
"Tell me about that hole in the wall?"'
"Well, it was one of the famous in
stitutions of our early days. I'M give
you a full history of it something
that has never been told in print. It
had its origin in ham and bread. Ono
of tho Senators suggested to John
Head, who was sergeant-nt-arms away
back in the thirties, that it would be a
good thing to have a little luncheon
set near by the hall, where hungry
Senators could run out and get a bite
to eat.
"So Head's wife boiled hams and
made bread, and Ileall brought them
down and set them up in a little cir
cular room just north of the rotunda
and on the east side of the corridor.
Soon he added pickles, nuts, salads
and such little delicacies, and the place
became very popular. Then some
body suggested to Head that there
ought to be a bottle of whisky there,
and after the whisky had been pro
cured there came a demand for gin.
mm. brandy, wino and all sorts of
things. In a little while the place be
came a regular saloon. There was no
bar, of course, not oven a sideboard,
the bottles and demijohns being set in
rows on the thrives.
"For a longtimo the Senators used
to go in there and help themselves to
whatever they wanted, and the expense
was run in under the contingent ac
count, as horse hire, or something
.like that. After a time the stock trot
so large and popular that it was no un
common thing to see a dozen Senators
and their friends in there drinking and
having good times. The little room.
not more than twelve or fifteen feet in
diameter, and taking it name from the
fact that it was simply a hole ia the
wall, lighted only by one window, was
often badly crowded, and a good deal
of confusion 'resulted in the arrange
ment of the stock, so that the Senator
who had a favorite brand of liquor had
much trouble ia lading it.
"Thus it became accessary to pot a
man in charge, and after a time the ex
pease became so great that it was not
easy te work it off ia the contingent
account. Then the Senators were re
quired to pay for what they got. and
after this was done the popularity of
the 'Hole ia the Wad' fell off very
rapidly. But it was kept up for some
years after the Senate moved into its
present chamber ia 1859. It is a good
thing. I'm thinking, that the walls of
that dark little room aro dumb."
Cant. Baasett. ia Ohio State Journal.
The number of Jamaica Ginger
arunkards w mud ta be increasing at
aa alarming rale. A confirmed drunk
ard taken foaroaaeaa af the fiery laid
it aae tame, aad tha caWta
THL WESTERN EDITOR.
slightly Mlxtd Character sT Mis Labors la
the Literary Lla.
"As we pen these liaes." wrote the
able editor, "our eyes are rivers of
tears, and our soul is fraught with
poignant woe. A gentle, luminous
star that shone more lustrous than all
the stars about her, has died out. and
is dead forever. Glady Swivelhurst
Gladys, the beautiful, the young, is
dead.
At this juncture the foreman entered
the able editor's room and informed
him that a short item was necessary to
fill the last column on the second page,
and the editor wrote this:
We must have money to carry on
our business. Several hundreds of
dollars are due us, and if they are not
forthcoming immediately the accounts
will be placed in the bauds of a col
lector." Having dashed this off he continued
the article about the dead one:
"Her life and death reminds us of
the short but beautiful existence of tho
flower: born under smiling skies nour
ished by gentle breezes, only to bo cut
on .v "le pitiless wind from the north
It seems like an unhallowed dream-
that Gladys is dead, but she is doubly
deau, iu that she died so young."
Here ho was called to the telephone,
and was instructed by tho manager of
the llrokeslate Coal Company to write
and print a short reading notice for
that corporation, and he at once com
piled this:
"Every man's house should bo his
palace, and a palace would lie very un
comfortable without warmth. The
prudent man w ill order his coal from
the llrokeslate Coal Company. This
coal Is free from dirt, dust and clinkers.
It burns freely and gives great heat.
Purchaser will always receive full
weight, and having used this coal once
will buy no other."
Then the death notice was continued:
"It was the morning of the wedding
day; the golden glow of the sunlight,
streaming into her chamber, seemed a
promiso of a life of happiness to come:
but ere tho shadows of tho evening had
fallen upon the brown earth the deeper
and colder shadows of death dimmed
those tender eyes, left tho damp upon
her beautiful brow, and all was over."
Here a messenger boy handed him a
note. Ho read it. and taking another
sheet of paper soon sent tho following
to the printers:
"James Cobbleton tells a good joke
on Andy Shellhora. For soveral nights
tho latter had been annoyed by cattle
which broke into his yard, causing
general havoc. At last, enraged be
yond endurance, he bought a gun. and,
hearing the usual racket in tho garden
about midnight, he opened the window
of his room and bla.ed away. Iu the
morning he found that he had shot one
of his own cows, which had broken
from tho stable and wandered into tha
yard. The laugh is on Andy."
He again resumed the obituary:
"We havo watched this young girl
grow from childhood toyoungand glor
ious womanhood. We have watchod
her when sho went bv like a sunbeam
and marveled at her beauty, and to-day
we see the bridal robes substituted by
the clinging cerements of death and our
teirs seem drops of blood ebbing from
a crushed and anguished heart.'
When this was written a reporter
entered the room and handed him a
marked copy of a local contemporary,
after reading which ho rapidly penned
tho following:
"Tho scurrilous dish-rag which is
published in an obscure alley of this
town by a loj-eared leper who spends
his evenings trying to wash tho tar off
his body with benzine, says that we re
ceived fifty dollars for supporting Gen
oral Strutover for the office of consta
ble. It is scarcely worth while for us
to brand this nsan infamous lie. which
would make Ananias green with envy,
wore it not for the fact that there are
people who do not know the true char
acter of tho moral and physical wreck
making the charge. We do brand it as
a lie, and therefore as a lie we will
cram it down the craven throat of tho
degenerate coward who uttered it."
The obituary was taken up again:
"In this, the dark hour of our sor
row, we havo the sweet consolation of
knowing that tho gentle Gladys, too
lovely for tho harsh blasts and tem
pests of earth, is now where the tear
never falls, where the sigh is novor
heard, where tho footfalls of death
never echo on the jasper streets. We
can only hope that in the uncertain
future when we. too. havo crossed the
waters of the river of death, we can
meet her thero there where the
chorus swells forever and snowy pin
ions fan the perfumed air."
Another telephone message, and the
editor, taking a fresh slip of paper.
scribbled this:
"General Tom Breighton is going
about town to-day with a broad smile
oa account of a handsome boy babv
who has taken up his abode at the
house. Tom has the congratulations
of ye editor.
Then he wrote the final sentences of
the death notice:
"This is indeed a sweet thought, yet
we are stricken with sorrow that la all
the weary years to come we can hear
her voice no more. But what avail
words? We can not speak the thoughts
that surge through our brain; the
tears fall fn.ni our eyes oa the paper
before us aad the pea drops from our
trembling hand. Peace, eternal peace
to the ashes ef her who is gone."
The weary editor's day's work
mi dona, Liacala Journal
ntedesty ef Great neaa.
Eminent Statesman I wish yoa
would take occasion to say ia the
possible manner that my
aot be meatiaaed ia
aectioa with aay Caaiaat
Senator. I hare never
of la any
The idea has araa-
afclx eat ail ad ta aay
ttmliimnfwith trttnw
ft mm mc air it moat aot!
to say sa ia writiasr n tate
Interview. I believe that te all hat.
held aa! Tea may tell tha TuTtim
arjwaraaacrtonead meAQO
af te-merraws
aver.
aeara year name eaakea
BARBERS IN EUROPE.
Iwelr recmtlarltUs t Forth for
IdUui of th ReaOor.
French barbers wrap the end of a
towel over the auger of their left hand,
and whea it is necessary to touch the
face at all it is the towel which comes
Into contact with it and not the bar
ber's band. The main point about their
work is the extraordinary swiftness
and dexterity with which they shave.
In America a man usually reconciles
himself to be fifteen or twenty minute
in the chair, and five minute of it is
spent in dodging hair tonics, bay rum,
brilliantine. face lotions and powder.
The Freach use none of these things.
They lather a man's face very slightly,
run it over with a razor, sponge It off.
and then the man dries it himself with
a towel and leaves tho shop five or six
minutes after he has enterd it- Very
many Frenchmen shave twice a day if
they are going out in the evening, and
it is the regular custom to step iuto a
barber's on their way to dinner, and
get shaved after they have assumed
evening dress. There is no omatutn
or cosmetic of any sort ued. so that
the "barber" smell" i agreeably luck
ing. I am quite aware that I am running
iu to the face of tradition in commend
ing French barlor.-. The tradition is
false. That brilliant satirist and
masterjof grotesque lampooning. Mark
Twain, has built up a reputation for
the French barber which he will never
lo able to hake 01T. as far as the Ut
ile's of Americans are concerned.
Rut the man is maligned, nevertheless,
as any old resident of I'aris can testify.
Hut Mark Twain's sarcasm on the
barber of England is well bestowed.
Ho has eveu understated the case. A
distinguished American novelist whom
1 met in Loudon told me that he was
glad that ho had come to England for
two reasons, in the first place he hod
learned to bathe every morning, and
in the second he had acquired the art
of shaving himclf.
"The first of these." ho said, "keeps
me free from colds In the head, and by
the second I escajie the horrors of tho
barber shop, and particularly of tho
Iiritish barber."
It is considered in England rather a
common thing to go to a barlier shop,
as all the toffs are shaved by their
valets, and the men who imitate them
shave themselves, so as not u reveal
the fact that they have 110 personal
servants. Tho few barbers that exist,
however, make up in crime for this
paucity of number. They are brutal
to a point never attained even by tho
most gnllus and showy Southern negro
tentorial artist. The familiarity of a
London barlier is almost as bad as his
brutality. He pulls his customers
around, jerks, scrapes, saws and tor
tures them, with lullcx-t enthusiasm.
I have never been able to understand
why any man adopts the calling of a
barber in Gcrtunnv. for the pay is ab
surdly small. 1 don't remember tho
exact figures, but know thnt it never
failed to startle me when reckoning
day came. All over Germany they give
credit with a degree of truthfulii-s
which the foreigner consider a lMautl
ful tribute to the general hoticty of
human nature, until he learns of tho
great strictness, power and almost in
defatigable work of the German police.
It is impossible for a debtor to get
across the Inirder, and hence tho truth
fulness. Tho first barlier I over had in tho
German empire was the picture of
Fritz Listz, the pianist, except that ho
was not gray. He charged about
twenty cents a week for coming to my
hotel and shaving me every morning,
and it was two weeks before I got over
being abashed in his presence. He had
a huge shock of blonde hair, which
was combed back from a noble fore
head and cut off square across the uHk
after the fashion of Abbe Listz. and ho
invariably wore a frock coat, buttoned
well around his small waist, A flower
bloomed in his buttonhole, and ho
came with his lather all prepared in a
little water-tight box. He usually
hummed an operatic aria as he shaved
me. and it was a long time before I
could summon up sufficient courage to
interrupt him for the purpose of prac
ticing queer (Jermnn upon him before
breakfast. Rlakely Hall.
m m
HOMELY BUT SOUND.
What Taunt Lsdlos Rhoald Avoid aa4
What Thoy ftaovl Colli!.
The principles which underline good
manners arc the same the world over.
and it will do no harm for American
girls to give hd to the following rule
written by an English lady of rank for
her own youthful countrywomen:
WHAT TO A VOIP.
A loud. weak, affected, whining,
harsh or shrill tone of voice.
Extravagance in conversation such
phrase! as " awfully this." "h-atly
that." "loads of time."don'tyoukBow.,
"hate" for dislike." etc
Sudden exclamations of annoyance,
surprise and joy often dangerously
approaching to "female swearing" as
"bother!" "graciousr "how jolly!"
Yawning when listening to aay one.
Talking on family matter even to
bosom friend.
Attempting an v vocal or Instrumental
piece of music that you caa aot exe- i
cate with ease.
Crossing your letters.
II aking a short, sharp aod with the)
head, intended to do duty as a how.
WHAT TO CCLTTTATt.
Aa unaffected, low. distinct, silver
toned voice.
The art of pleaaiag thane around
you. aad seeming pleased with them
aad all they may da far tc.
The charm af making Uttie aarrilcea
aslte aatarally. aa if of aa aoeawat m
yewrself.
Tha aafeH of making allaarnaors far
tha esUioae, feeling, er arejudkee ef
Aa erect carriage that Is. a
body.
A goad memory for faeea. aad facta
conaected .with them, thas aveidla?
giving offense throng a net recafaixin-
er aowtag to aeoni, er saying to
what had beet been left msmna.
Taaartaf Iteteaiag withe
to araay talkers, ami
twkse-teld tato er ma-X. W.
MISCELLANEOUS.
A man in Xebraska vaccinated hia
hogs for cholera. He experimented oa
507 head. 2 of which took the disease
ia a mild form and died.
A thief at Dubuque stole a barrel
of vse. but because the farrant did
not specify that they were heas eggs
instead of" goose, or bird or alligator
eggs, be was turned loose and allowed
to go.
"You did not pay very close at
attention to the sermon. 1 four, this
morning." "O. vcs. I did. mamma."
"Well, what did the minister say?"
"He said the picnic would start at tea
o'clock Thursday morning, aad, O ma,
can I go?"
A contrivance ha lately been In
tro 'ucoj on the railroads In Kussla to
ndicaltf the next station at which tha
train will stop. It is a dial, the index
of which points to tho station. One te
set up in every car. and tho Indicts of
all are moved at once by electricity,
working from the locomotive.
Customer "Say. thl rifle you old
me yesterday Is no good." IValer
"What is the matter with lt" Custo
mer "It shoots loo accurately.'
Dealer "Why. Isn't that Just what
you want?'' Customer "I guess not.
I'm the proprietor of a shooting gal
lery, and 1 give prises to those who
score the highest number of point."
Yankee Hladc.
.Mayor J. H. Stlnr. of Washington,
is making a collection of branches
from trees that grew on great battle
ttold of the war of tho rebellion. Ho
has just received from a friend of Vir
ginia cedar from Mine Hun. pine from
i hanccdorsvllle, cedar from Hancock's
wmtr quarters lu IS63-1, and cedar
from Slaughter" Mountain.
A follow in tho South, where train
stop at frequent interval for tho en
gineer to sleep, ha lilted up a box car
as a thcaUr. hitched it to a frelgh
train, and whenever the train stops for
an hour or two to unload a box he and
his little troue of barnstormers give
the rustic a dramatic Krformanc at
ten cent a head.
Mr. Wink "Hold the baby a
moment, there's a dear. I want to put
back these pictures I got out for Mr.
Mink to look at- Such a tiresom
creature as she 1. Sho was born
for nearly half an hour this afternoon,
and did nothing but talk about the
baby." Mr. Winks -"Ille.s his little
heart. So the ladle come and sit and
admire and talk about the little cherub,
do they? Of course they do; they can't
help loving -" Mr. Winks "Gra
cious mo! It wasn't my baby she
talk'-d about. It was her own." lhlla
delphia Record.
A man of the humbler classes en
tered a public library in Iondon and
asked for a look. saying in reply to a
question that he wanted " 'Oiucr."
The next inquiry was whether ho
would have a Greek text or a transla
tion, to which ho gave the following
nply "I don't know nothing about a
Greek 'mi; what I want is to read
what Mr. Gladstone reads." After
half an hour' reading (with his tin
ger stuck Into hU ear to Insure
aalnst Interruption) ho ald ho
thought It was "rum ort of stuff." nod
went out. He has not returned to liu-1-h
It.
A little boy In one of tho Brooklyn
public schools, encouraged by hi
mother's nsklstance. had worked for a
month to get the honor medal, which
was to bo awarded on Friday last. Tho
hid was an Inveterate breaker of rule
ia the class room, and ho made a groat
effort to get iwrfeot mark. At tho
last moment, however, he reccivnd ono
bail mark, and his rival took tho prize.
Importing tho fact to his mother, bn
said he did not care particularly for tbo
old medal, but it was the clear was to
of goodness that he regrottcil. HI
mother has abandoned further ambi
tion for hlra for th present.
THE FARM ICE-CftOP.
rrctlM aoooaaUooo BWloito. ta
in rhio r tro-Moo.
While the farm lie bur!d In It
wintry shroud, the Ice crop I ready
for the harveU No farmer who hae
onco enjoyed the advantage of hav
ing a supply of Ire during th warns
months will willingly forwgo them for
a Inglo aon; for I la m hi sura mas
is not onlj a convenience but a luxury.
The earlier the crop I srured tbo
better. Although Ice If sometime
formed late In winter, there are
sons when. If It la not wr-mred early,
the chance Is lot for the year In
the Middle Stu It will do to cut ieo
when It I four to six Inches thick, but
In the more northern regions thlckor
Ice can be obtained. If tho loo i
covered with snow it must first be
scraped off. Then lines are marked
on it surface for the aw. An Inch
board, six fet ItiC. with a c!rt firmly
attached aero the lower nd. I ueod
V bring the block out of th- water.
Then they are shoved along the
surface to the Ielgb. Into which
taey are loaded by nvus of
an inclined plase of planks or
boards. In pecking Sa th Jobou
surround tho Ice with sons bo,.
conducting substasxw aad provide p-r-fct
dmiaage at the bottom aad venw
tilatloa at the top. Saw-dost te eae af
the beat non-coaductoro, abost aaa 'owe
In thicknesaall arwend being sqmctewt.
Tha lateretiesa betw. the Mewaa
hewld be filled with toe name .
expensive trartare ia
tr aa ice-hcsiea. Aav thi
11! held eav-doet te asMost t
practical nstriiisa. '- - r
af aha-
with raagk beards. wUl
jam aa effectaany as a
swactore. Whea thero te aa
eaavaateace. er tha k1toaee wI
at hwU ;! aeajgh. th- Masl,
mmmj w bw4m et j makteg n ,
Lay down anaaref mite.
tack the blocks aa eatm-mr
j - ... . .
o. - ww wrsuy wmfe aaa mmiM..
teg material, each aa eVaw. marsh hay
erearmaaika. Fteteh taw tea ta aa to
Ud raia. aad p aaaraa and rams
tacsiaeata hae the
".' In rssaas-lagth lew.
aiways at ia am
M If la stark te
ts.thnieeaaaos
an wil as la
Me the tea
nsara eaatl
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