1231
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, SCi?.-V-iA- SK!rT -
I
SEEKING SYMPATHY.
of
ow One of the SweetMt Sentiments
Ufa In F rcquently Abutted.
; Among' the desires that sometimes
claim satisfaction, without regard to
the happiness of others, is that of sym
pathy. Now, of all the pleasured of
life sympathy would seem to bo
one of the sweetost and purest. It
unites brethren and friends in the
closest bonds; it lifts burdens, soothes
sorrow, multiplies joys and promotes
human brotherhood. Flowing natur
ally from warm and loving hearts into
grateful ones, it blosses both giver and
receiver. It is the living spark which
kindles all sorts of benevolent enter
prises, builds hospitals, schools and
churches-, promotes reform?, draws
men away from vice and guides thorn
into paths of virtue and self-respect.
Yet this beneficent factor in human
life is not unfrequcntly abused by tho.se
who selfishly seek it. Not to mention
those who try to awaken it in othors
for the sake of the material benefit
which may come to them, there is a
large class of people who crave it for
Its own sake as a sort of indulgence,
which they think they must havo at
whatever cost to others. They aro
never content unless some one is con
doling with them and pitying them,
and the more sympathetic pain they
can induce their friends and neighbors
to feel the better satisfied they are. So
sweet a morsel do they find this to bo
that they treasure every ailment,
so as to recount it: they dwell
upon their disappointments, tiieir
trials, and their woes, cherishing the
memory of them to pour them into the
ears of every willing listener, and to
compel him to feel something of the
"suffering which they so diffusely por
tray :n their own. Of course this
process load insensibly to great exag
geration. Sueh is the action of tho
mind, that whatever is dwolt upon ex
clusively assumes magnified propor
tions: and a slight headache or other
physical discomfort, which might bo
forgotten amid pressing interests, may
became almost unbearable when al
owed to occupy all the thoughts.
Much snore is this the case with mental
anxieties, or trouble, and. be they
blight or severe, the habit of brooding
ftvertlu always augments their hard
ship. In recounting them to one whoso
sympathy is hop 2d for the tendency to
fur ther exaggeration is increased, and
very ofe'i the listener is made to feol
a sympathetic pain, vhich is really
far greater than that which has been
inllicted for his benefit. Certainly noth
ing could injure tho cause of true sym
pathy mo.-e" than such fraudulent and
mean attempts to obtain it. Its power
.lies in its perfect freedom and in tho
reality of the .suffering which it seeks
to relieve. When it is wasted on sham
afflictions or drawn out by selfish
angling for it. there will always be a
reaction and a hardening of the heart.
Much sympathy is thus crushed out of
existence that would othcrwiso be per
manently active in blessing the world.
J hose who seek in this way for
sympathy in all their real and fancied
trouble-) are adding to tho distress
of hum-in life, instead of to its happi
ness When they meet with any good
fortune they seldom call upon others to
rejoice with them. Their joys they
are content to monopolize, but their
trouble? of every kind they want to
share. With one of a generous and
noble spirit it would 1)3 exactly tho re
verse. He would bury his griefs in
his on bo-om, hide his pain when
ever it was possible, be mostly silent
about his diseases, his disappoint
ments, his annoyances, his trials; but.
on the other hand, he would delight
in emphasizing all that was glad and
beautiful and bright, that others, too,
might partake of his pleasure. Mon
taigne says: "I daily ondeavor to
shake off that childish humor and in
humane conceit which causeth that by
our giefs and pains we ever desire to
move our friends to compassion and
.sorrow for us. and with a kind of
synp itliy to condole our miseries and
passions. A man should, as much
as he can, set forth and extend his
joy; but, to the utmost of his power,
suppress and abridge his borrow."
There are enough clouds in every life
,lo make each generous person anxious
not to increase them by adding his
own. but to chajs them away, as far as
possible, by spreading abroad all the
sunshine that enters into his lifo to
cheer and blc?s mankind. And the
sympathy which he would not strive to
obtain, but which he was always will
ing to bestow, will be extended free
and unasked, and ho will gratefully
receive all tho comfort and cheer which
it so plentifully boars. Philadelphia
Ledger.
TRAVELING WITH A SHOW.
The Keturn or the 1'rodical Son of the
Nineteenth Centnry.
Tho boy who ran away from home to
travel with a circus is slowly and pain
fully making his way back to the pa
ternal roof tree. lie is out of funds,
for it hasn't been a good year for cir
cusos, and ho has to walk when ho can't
steal a ride on a freight car.
Things haven't turned out just as ho
expected when ho joined the show at
Schcdam Hollow. It hasn't been one
continual round of Arabian nights, fairy
scenes and spangles for him, as ho ex
pected it would bo. His ambition to bo
a circus boy was inflamed when he first
saw tho colored posters displayed on
tho weather-stained sides of the old
blacksmith shop at "Tho Corners"
while on his way to school. Then tho
street parade in tho village added to
his yearnings, and by tho time tho
canvas was spread on a vacant lot back
of the tavern ho was satisfied that noth
ing but a lifo of mingled spangles and
sawdust could over satisfy him.
He got in that night by doing some
little jobs for the boss canvas man, and
ho thought it was paradise, indeed, al
though an old man sitting beside him
said it couldn't compare with the cir
cus Dan Rica used to bring along in
tho fifties.
Hut it was a good enough show for
this boy in the eighties, and that night
after the performance was over and the
canvas taken down and loaded on
wagons, he hid under a wagon scat
and was carried away with tho rest
01 tnc paranernalm. Anus runawav
boys, like vagrant dogs, follow off a
show and find some place to burrow
in. They get to be useful, too, some
times, boys and dogs. Some of the
most successful showmen in the world
have commenced just that way.
But tho boy of whom wo write
doesn't seem to have been cut out for a
showman, somehow. Ho hadn't the
necessary enthusiasm for the profes
sion. The "get there, Eli," wasn't in
him. He soon tired of roughing it,
and longed for the good tilings of his
father's table and his snug cot in the
attic. He had been kept at all sorts of
drudgery ever since his presence with
the show was detected. He had been
cuffed by rude hostlers, bounced off
wagons by grouty drivers aud ordered
around by everybody. One night ho
was jolt "d off the polo wagon when
asleep and nearly killed.
When ho joined tho show ho cx
" pected to be dres-ed up in tights and
put in the ring to ride a bareback act.
If not that he would be put in the band
to play the snare drum. But instead
of that ho was- made to assist tho cook
and bring water to the elephant. He
wjisti't oven advanced to property boy.
And now he is going back homo over
mud roads, penniless and penitent with
all his bright delusions destroyed.
He found that actual show life dif
fered greatly from what his imagin
ation had painted it, as indeed is the
caso with all tho golden dream of
youth. When does reality equal human
fancy?
Wo hope tho boy will reach home
safely at last, bearing useful lessons
from his hard experience In traveling
with the show. Texas Sifting.
SECRETS OF THE SEA.
ALMOST A PAPER AGE.
Wife and Horns Maker.
The most perfect homo 1 evor saw
trasa little houso into tho sweot incense
f whose fires wont no costly thing3. A
housand dollars served as a year's liv-
ng for father, mother and three chil-
ren. But the mother was the creator
f a home; her relations with the chil
ren were tho most beautiful I have
ver ::een; every iniiunu ui tuu uuusc
ivoluntarily looked into her face for
ie k ynoto of the day. and it always
m" cle ir. 1-rom tho rosooud or -clo-
r leaf, which, in spite of her hard
ework. she always found timo to
itb i-ide our plates at oreaKiasi, uown
the story she had on hand to road in
e evening, there was no intermission
her in!lu mec. She nas always ocen
d ahvuvs will bo my iuoui oi mum-
.;&. :.nd home-maker. If to her
tick brain, loving heart and exquisite
e had boon added the appliances oi
alth and enlargements of wide cili
ce, hers would have been absolutely
. : i ,m in As it was. it was tne
- " - .. m
,tl have .ci' wen.
id.
'The late Helen
One of tho Greitet Factor In Modern
Iuilutri:il ISevelopnient.
The president of tho American Paper
Makers1 Association has collected re
liablo data showing that the paper
trade which stood twenty-first in rank
among American manufacturers in
1880, is now fourteenth, and that the
capital invested has nearly doubled in
tho last eight years. The annual prod
uct has far more than doubled in
quantity, and in spito of lower prices
is 75 per cent, greater in value. I ho
number of employes is 40.001) against
24,o00 in 1880, ana the wages paid aro
more than twice the total in tho hist cen
nus year. The average per day for each
worker was then $1.13, and now it is
$1.50. These statistics simply demon
strate what every observing person
must have noticed concerning tho fast
growing importance of paper as a fac
tor in modern industrial development.
Our age has been called tho age of
steel, tho age of glass, tho iron age.
and has been christened from other
great industries, but at tho rate paper
is booming the next generation may
see a paper age. When one considers
the enormous importance of paper as a
means of disseminating intelligence it
can scarcely be ranked, even now, sec
ond to any other branch of manufac
tures in worth to mankind. It is used
for making car wheels, lining walls,
for numerous household utensils, and
in a constantly multiplying list of arts
and industries. We may yet sco
buildings wholly of paper erected in
tho ordinary course of business. The
world reads more than ever before,
and tho material on which books and
periodicals aro printed is bound to be
come more aud moro a vital element in
the civilization of tho age. whether it
finds many new channels of usefulness
or not. Paper may crowd brick and
wood and metal out of some fields now
occupied by them, but if not it is
sure of a vast and increasing demand
in its own peculiar sphere. Cleveland
Leader.
m m
Might Overtax His Brain.
Mr. Isaacstein (to school teacher)
How vas dot lecdle Jacob getting on
mit arithmetic.
School Teacher He is doing nicely,
Mr. Isaacstein; he is in percentage
now.
Mr. Isaacstein Vas dot so? Veil,
don'd you teach dot poy noddings less
than von hundret per cont. He vas too
young vet to study very hard. X .
Hum.
The Fate of Ship lh:it Ilitve Mysteriously
Iti.tp!F:trei).
A ship leaves port apparently in
good condition, her cargo well stowed.
her spars sound, and generally well
found. After that nothing is ever heard
of her. and conjecture is vain. A sud
den squall may have taken her aback
nnd sent her to the bottom stern fore
most, or she may havo foundered in a
gale after all her boats had been de
stroyed, or her boats may havo got
away and perished ono by one on the
wide ocean plains. Sometimes, but
rarely, there has been a mutiny and
massacre, and tho survivors may have
made their way to some tropical island,
there to live sis "beach-combers" or
turn savage with tho savages.
When fire occurs at sea on a merchant
vessel, unless tho weather is very bad
at tnc time, the crew generally succeed
in getting away. A mutiny may be
followed by the burning of tho ship as
a means of destroying criminating evi
dence. In the China seas there are
still some pirates, and a vessel be
calmed in the neighborhood of some of
the islands scattered in groups there
might incur the danger of attack by
the wicked-looking junks that are
usually concealed in the parages be
tween the islets. In such case if there
were no fire-arms on board it might go
hard with tho ship's company, but a
good supply of shotguns or rifles in
the hands of white men is usually a
guarantee against Chinese pirate?.
Still, many vessels have met their fato
in that unlucky region, and nothing
has remained to tell the storv. Tv-
phoons, too, aro doubtless responsible
for not a few mysterious disappear
ances of vessels, and once in a while
probably a waterspout bursts over a
ship and sinks her suddenly with all
hands. In the Indian Ocean furious
squalls often come up at night with a
swiftness very menacing to any heavy-
sparred clipper slipping along with
Ituddingsails set alow and aloft, and
Aero again is a possible cause of de
struction, and one which might over
take the most cautious .skipper if his
officers were less sedulous in consult
ing the glass.
Occasionally the mysteries arc pre-i-ented
in the most bewildering way.
Such a case was that of a vessel which,
several years ago, was found drifting
with all sail set and not a soul" on
board. All her boats were on tho
davits, the materials for a m-al were
in the galley coppers, the chronom
eters, compasses, charts and instru
ments were in the cabin, but no ship's
papers. The name on the stern was
painted out: nothing hail been left by
which to identify her. Yet all these
precautions had been taken deliber
ately, while tho final evacuation
seemed to havo been effected with a
suddenness suggesting mortal panic.
The men's things were all in the top
gallant forecastle; the captain's and
officers' effects were all in their respect
ive cabins under the poop. Tho whole
appearance of tho vessel indicated
that her people had left her on
the spur of the moment, driven by
some overmastering impulse or
fear. She had encountered no bad
weather since the desertion. Her
yards were braced up as for a trade
wind, and there was no disorder on
her decks or down below. No line of
writing was found to give a clue to
this dark secret of tho sea. and to this
day it has remained an insoluble puz
zle to every seaman acquainted with
tho facts. Sad and mysterious as aro
disappearances such as that of the Far
ragut, it must bo admitted that there
is something even more perplexing in
the discovery of derelicts abandoned
io incomprehensibly as was the vessel
here referred to. It should be added
that she was not leaking, nor were
her spars sprung or strained, and no
reason could bo perceived in any thing
about her for the disappearance of her
crew and officers. S. I. Iribune.
SOCIETY AND SOLITUDE.
Why the I.ntt-r U Essential to the Irw
nerr.Uiou of True l'ernonalltjr.
There can be no adequate comparison
between society and solitude. Though
most persons will prefer the former and
a few, perhaps, the latter, no wisa per
son will choose either as a permanent
state. It is together, or rather in al
ternate action, that both yield their
richest benefits. Society stimulates
the thoughts, invigorates tho pur
poses, gladdens the heart and brightens
life. Solitude strengthens, confirms
and matures all the-o results. Or,
rather, this is what each may do for
him who uses them aright. For it is
not the simple condition of being alone,
or with others that will produce any
good effect. Much social life, so called,
merely fritters away the time, fills the
mind with puerilities and the life with
folly. Much of the solitude endured on
compulsion is only productive of rest
lessness and ennui, or only serves to
nourish envious thoughts and bitter
memories. But whoever has learned
so to live in society as to bless and bo
blessed will feel the need of certain
seasons of perfect solitude. Then it is
that he may gather up his forces,
strengthen his resolves, review his
past and prepare for his future. It is
well that men should influence one
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
another in their business and their
i - . .
uomes. in me intercourse oi cnance
acquintancc and the close ties of friend
ship. This it is tint keeps them from
growing narrow and bigoted in their
own opinions, and draws them together
in love, in friendship, in a common
patriotism aud a human brotherhood.
But this constant influence neds to bo
balanced by a firm individuality, a
manly self-respect and steatly adherence
to the principles that appeal to each
one's sense of right. Unless there arc
times when the man retires voluntarily
from all human sight, where no public
or private pressure can sway him,
where his own thoughts, his own feel
ings, his own conscience may assert
themselves, unrebuked and unassisted,
lie can never preserve that personality
which is. or should bo, the core of his
being. Many a man has boon drawn
into snares that have proved his ruin,
simply from not having pondered over
the matter in solitude. Offers have
been made and opportunities presented
that looked specious and plausible
enough while the glow of enthusiasm
illuminated them, and which have
been first eagerly embraced and then
bitterly regretted. A quiet hour of
solitude might have cooled the heated
imagin:.tiou, discovered the weak spot
in the enterprise and averted the catas
trophe. Or a strong temptation to some
questionable action or some doubtful
indulgence is presented to the social
man. and he yields and sinks in tho
moral scale, when, had ho retired alone
and listened to the still, small voice,
that would havo spoken to him there.
he might have oeen saved from tho
f.ital step. So there are afflictions that
must be wrestled with in secret, or
they will triumph over manhood: and
there are even joys with which no
stranger may intermeddle. Philadel
phia Ledger.
BIRDS AS PROPHETS.
A promissory note is ono of those
things that will mature just as well
without being hu'-g out in the sunshine.
Duluth Paragrapher.
Husband "I think we had better
give up our pew in the church for a while
my love." Wife "Why?" Husband
"I am going in the coal business and
I hate hypocrisy." Binghamion Repub
lican. The wearing of tights is said to be
injurious to health, and still any ne
who takes even a casual look at the
"girls" in tho spectacular show cao
see that the practice doesn't shorten
life. Somcrcillc Journal.
At the police court: the Judge
questioning a witness "Your name?'"
"Josephus Horther." "Your age?"
"Forty-three." "Your profession?"
"Dramatic author." "That is not a
profession; it is a disease." Truth.
A man who was struck by a two
inch stream from a fire engine the other
day has prepared a bill for the Legisla
ture, requiring all fire companies to con
line themselves to the use of soft water.
Burlington Free Prc-tn.
A Georgia negro had just paid the i
last dollar on a mule he bought, when
suddenly the creature died, leaving
him a financial wrc-k. Being condoled
with, he replied. "Well, his time come
tor go, sab, an' I radder him dan me."
"I confess that I am not indifferent
to you," she said with an assumption
of shyness, "but I am afraid th.it my
papa will think I am not vet of a proper
age to marry." "Nonsense," he
argued, passionately. "I've known
women sixty and seventy years old to
marry. " Time.
When a freightj agerft tells yon
that your trunk is waxing shaky, and
needs a strap, ask him if he has any
straps for sale. If he says h has. you
may rest as -aired your trunk is all
right and doesn't require one any more
than a country dentist needs a diploma.
Pitch:
"When are you going to make me
that promised visit. Marion? Soon, i
hope?" "I am afraid not. dear. I in
vited a hired girl to come and stay
with me last week, and I shall have to
stay at home and see that she lias
everything to make her comfortable."
Jltdrj '.
"O. John." said Mrs. Bjones. "I
have just found the most beautiful re
ceipt for currant jelly." "Well, I wish
you'd find a receipt for your dress
makers bills." "O, no. Johu dear.
That is not necessary. I always havo
Mme. Brunetti make my dressmaker's
bills for me." Harper s Bazar.
A popular clergyman was greatly
bored by a lady who admired him with
out reserve. "O. my dear Mr. X."
said she, one Sunday afternoon, "there
isn't any harm in one loving one's pas
tor, is there?" "Certainly not. ma
dame," replied tho worthy cleric, "not
the least in the world, so long as the
feeling is not reciprocated."
MISCELLANEOUS.
A soldier who was seen to tako off
his cap wh'le using the telephone, in
formed a questioner that he did to be
cause he was talking to hio superior
officer.
Tho man who finds fault with
every thing, usually does so because
he wants to get even on the amount of
fault that is found with him. Jhrrhant
2'raviler. V
An even temper laughs at the ther
mometer, and better is a flannel shirt
with coolness and contcntmnt than a
sealskin overcoat with a forward mind.
.V. 1". .S'KM.
"Cholly "I say, Binx. did yon
ever witness a burial at sea?" Binx
"Xo. never saw a burial, but we had a
wake behind us all the way over hist
trip." Harpers Bazar.
"It takes a year, my dear." said
an old lady to a bride of a couple of
months who was anxious about her
husband's affection, "to know a man
and then you know nothing about him."
Doctor (to patient, who complains
of a great number of troubles): "What
a splendid fund of health you must pos
sess, my dear madam, to maintain it
againt so many attacks." Fluycndc
Blatter.
Tho young lady of Fon di: L:te who
heard that bathers at the seashore were
required to wear trunks purchased two
extra Saratogas for the purpose.
Xorthirtntcrii.
Some of those old saw-, havo a
great deal to answer for. For instance,
if somebody hadn't orce said. "It is
never too late to mend." probably a
good many people would not be post
poning the process so long. bhoe and
Leather Rtprt-r.
A certain means of stopping a dog
fight or loosening a viei-nts ilog's hold
upon any thing is showering something
over the animal that will produce,
sneezing. Be his will power ever so
strong the motion of saee.ing invol
untaiily opens a dog's jaw. Pepper
answers very well, but snuff is the best.
as it can be used without limit.
"Whv can't they make th"se dum
mies more lifelike?"' said a facetious
fello.v. halting with a friend in front of
a clothing store on Market street and
slapping a figure a vigorous blow on
the cheek. The "dummy" turned
suddenly, let fly his left, and the face
tious man went down on the pavfineut
a though struck by a lightning ex
press. Philadelphia Tinu s.
"I left the business long ago." sai I
the ex-umpire, "but it seems to follow
me still, even to nwown home." "How
is that?" asked his auditor. "Well,
my son works in an iron mill and my
daughter is a fine young lady.
HANDKERCHIEF TALK.
Dry
Cocoa-Nut Culture in Florida.
It is probable that tho cultivation of
the cocoa-nut for profit will always, in
Florida, be confined to the region on
the Keys and mainland south of the
Caloosahatchie river, though tho palm
will continue to bo grown for its groat
beauty, or a chance crop of nuts, in
protected spots, even as far north as
the latitude of Tampa and Cape Canav
eral. Tho cocoa-nuts produced in
Florida aro a trifle smaller than those
of the tropics, and are not considerd
so valuable for seed, hence most ol
those used for planting are procured
from Central America, more especially
from the Bay Islands (Utilla, Banncc
and Buatan) and mainland of Hon
duras. The nuts that havo not sprouted
on the voyage aro sometimes planted
in nursery beds and transplanted when
a year or eighteen months old. Only
a small per cent, fails to germinate,
though sometimes the sprouts aro ::
year or more in appearing. Tho dis
tance apart at which they aro planted
varies from fifteen to twenty-five feet:
twenty feet is tho usual distance. The
only cultivation given on the Keys is
the occasional cutting of the weeds and
undergrowth in the spring and fall.
There is a popular saj'ing that a bear
ing cocoa palm will produce one nut
for each day throughout tho year, but
this is a little overdrawn, the best
trees producing about two hundred
nuts per year. Amcri:an Agriculturi '.
m
A Common Rule Reversed. j
My calling," said the letter-carrier,
"differs materially from all others."
"In what way?" asked his friend.
"Most people get their walking
papers when they aro discharger:,
don't they!"
"Yes."
"Well. I got mine when I was ap
pointed." Chicago Tribune
Feathered Foreti-IIorn of Storm.
HVa tlier uml Frost at Night.
The saw-like note of the great tit
mouse is said to foretell rain; that of
the blue-tit. cold.
Various proverbs would seem to in
dicate that the cry of the owl, if heard
in bad weather, foretells a change.
Herons, says an old author, flying up
and down in tho evening as if doubtful
where to rest, "presage some evil ap
proaching weather" a legend as old
as Virgil.
In Germany dwellers in the country
lack faith in the skylark as announcing
line weather, but when the lark and the
cuckoo sing together they know sum- !
mer has come.
In Hampshire swans are believed to
be hatched in thunderstorms, and it is
said that those on the Thames have an '
instinctive prescience of floods. Before
heavy rains they raise their nests.
In the south of France so much store
is set by the wisdom of the magpie,
that if it builds its nest on the summit
of a tree the country folk expect a
season of calm, but if lower down,
winds and tempests aro sure to follow.
The abhorrence in which mariners
hold the swallow-like storm petrel is
well known. Its appearanco is be
lieved to denote wild weather. This
little bird is tho Mother Cary's chicken
of sailors, and is also called storm finch
and water witch.
Concerning gulls in general, children
who live by the sea say: "Seagull,
seagull, sit on the sand; it's never good
weather while you're on tho land;" and
fisher folk know that when the sea
mews fly out early and far to seaward
fair weather may be expected.
When rooks fly high and seem to
imitate birds of prey by soaring, swoop
ing, nnd falling, it is almost a certain
sign of coming storm. Staying in the
vicinity of the rookery, returning at
midday, or coming to roost in groups
arc also said to be omens to the like
effect.
The constant iteration of the green
woodpecker's cry before the storm has
given it" the names of rain bird, ram
pi. and rain fowl. StormcocM is a
provincial name shared by this bird
and the missel thrush, the latter often
Hinging through gales of wind and rain.
Storm bird is also applied to the field
fare. To Scotch shepherds the drumming
of the snipe indicates dry weather and
frost at night, and Gilbert White re
manes that woodcocks have been ob
served to be remarkably listless against
snowy, foul weather, while, according
to another author, their early arrival
and continued abode "foretells a liberal
harvest" N. 1'. Sun.
explanations Which May Help the Inex
perienced Over Hard Place.
When the fat man ties his around his
neck it signifies that the weather is
warm and he has a new collar on.
When the pretty girl suddenly makes
a grab for her handkerchief and clasps
it to her mouth, it means that she
wants to sneeze.
When the whittling fiend binds his
around one of his lingers, it signifies
that his knife has slipped.
When a girl drops hers in the street
when there is no dude in sight, it de
notes that she has been carrying too
many articles in her hands.
hen a man comes out of a side en
trance on Sunday wiping his mouth
with his handkerchief, it is a sure sign
that he has been spending money.
When a flash youth takes a gentlo
man's handkerchief out of his pocket
in a crowd, it signifies that he will
never see it again.
When the young widow carries a
handkerchief with a very heavy black
border, it is safe to bet that she will
remarry before the year is out.
When a lady and a gentleman aro to
gether and the lady takes his handker
chief out of his pocket and uses it,
there can be no doubt that they are
married.
When a man buys any of those three
cent handkerchiefs from the street ped
dlers it moans that he is stuck.
The old colored lady carries her
handkerchief tied around her head.
The dude's silk handkerchief is al
ways worn so that the corner sticks
out.
When a man suddenly feels a heavy
cold coming on, it means that that is
just the very time he left his handker
chief at home.
When a man bets a box of handker
chiefs with a lady and happe.is to get
them, it signifies that he i a very
lucky man.
When a strange man wake-, you up
in the middlo of the night aad pokes
his handkerchief down your throat,
it is a sign that he is robbing your
house.
When a woman carries her iandker
chief in her hand she does no- always
wish to cry or flirt, but probab has no
pocket in her dres.s.
When an actress displays alaco hand
kerchief on tho stage, it is a sure sign
that she is portraying tho part of the
queen.
When the street Arab grabs at your
pocket and makes you believe he has
stolen your handkerchief, it signifies
that it b April fool's day and that you
are the fool.
When you see a man rush down from
the top floor of aflat in a hurry to reach
his office and then suddenly put his
hand in his pocket and run up-stairs
again, you may bet your pile that he
has forgotten bis handkerchief. Judgu
I g''
home :t night and find my boy on a
strike and my girl zoi on balls and
parties. Even my wife gives me chicken
wings foul tips, you know." And the
old umpire sighed. Pittsburgh Chron
icle.
One night at a meeting a negro
prayed earnestly that he and iiis breth
ren might be preserved from what he
called their "upsettin sins." "Brud
der." one of his friends said, "you ain't
got de hang ob dat ar word. Its 4be
settinY not nipsettin'.' " "Brudder."
replied he. "if that's so. it's so; but I
was prayin' de Lord to save us from de
sin ob 'toxication. an' if dat ain't a up
settin' sin. I dunno what am."
A girl who by chance was com
pelled to wash her face with the juice
of a watermelon found it so soothing
that she continued it and to her joyful
surprise discovered that her freckles
were disappearing. She applied the
new wash with more vigor than ever.
and soon they were entirely gone. This
makes the even 1,000 things which
are said to bo sovereign remedies for
freckles.
New York dame "I thingyou Chi
cago married folks ought to live to
gether, if only for appearances' sake.
Just think what an awful reputation
all these divorces give your city?"
Chicago dame "Well, you see Chica
go has no nearby summer resort to
which all the married women can go
every spring and not see their hus
bands oftener than once a month, ua
you do in New York, you know."
Omaha World.
Judge (to prisoner who has just
been brought into court) "What u
your name?" Prisoner "Billings."
Judge "Where are you from. Mr.
Billings?" Prisoner "I refuse to state,
as such information has nothing to do
with tho case." Judge "But wo will
compel you to state, sir." Prisoner
"That will be a dangerous proceeding.
I assure you. I shot a judge once."
Judge (musingly) "The prisoner is
from Kentucky." Arkamair Traveler.
Telephone operators receive lots of
queer, foolish and funny calls every
where. But a fellow here gave the ex
change a good one the other day. He
rang up and called for "the wagon
yard." When asked "What wagon
yard?" replied: "Why! the one I left
my wagon at." Of course he got it.
Another chap the same day. called for
"the depot." and when the operator
wanted to know what depot, sang out
"Say, can I come down there with mv
trunk and valise and go?" The operator
told him "Yes." and he undoubtedly
went. Portland Trans-ript.
"Ethel." asked a Lewistown mother '
of her daughter :is the fair young girl
sat down at a late breakfast in her
morning gown, "did George le;yrany
package for mo last evening?" Ethei
blushed aud said falteringly: "Why.
no. mamma! What made you ask?"
"O, nothing; I only heard him say at
the door as he said good-bye. "Now.
here is one more for your mother, and
Ididn't know but it was that patterr
for lace lambrequins that his mother
has promised me." Ethel said nothing.
Leufalown Journal.
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