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About The Red Cloud chief. (Red Cloud, Webster Co., Neb.) 1873-1923 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 3, 1888)
RED CLOUD CHIEF
A. C. HOSMER, Proprietor.
OLD SAWSJN HHYME.
If you don't like It. lump It; don't blow your
Too bis tor his buttons; aeknoitledsc the com.
-Standing water's unwholesome a stand'nz
debt, too: "
Andonly phj honor where honoris dus.
As clay in the potter's hands; miSht maketh
Do not be the tail to another one's kite.
The sweet bread of iil!enes mo: tlv i, crust
He eat-, humble p:c: he take.; nobody's dust.
A jewel's consistency: Rll:idill f tadls:
-Strike the loS in the manner; your own canoe
"Nursing trouble don't men 1 it: spak not than
The vti !,!- t onc wnich gct31nost or th8
Upon its o-.vn bottom each Mb ou-ht tostanJ:
Chr.atma corneth but once 1:1 a year: hand ia
The children ot old maids and bachelor's wives
Are perfect; shank's mare; but the Uttest sur
lives. Any port :n a storm: sofa oS lik hot cakes;
In your pipe put and smoke it; sly boots: no
Some old two-ami sixpence: too good to be true;
Xev er trust in another j our duties to do.
Competition' tht- life of trad: sharp as a tack;
As dead as 4 door nail; a hard nut to crock.
Lookers on more than players see; slick as a
Heavy as lead; just as likt as a thistle.
A raed cap often nny irown gtiden brains;
What one person loses another ona trains;
A pot many own is ill stirred and worse boiled;
By one rotten apple a barrel-full's spoiled.
Domestic infelicity is a thorn in the flesh:
Hoppy go lucky; whipped cur uread the lata.
If a woman drowns hunt her up stream; split
The wits are wool-gathering; putting on airs.
All moonshine: blue Monday; some pumpkins;
A chain's only stron as Us weakest of links.
As cool as a cucumber: thicker than mud:
As long as a piece of string; nipped in the bud.
Telling the truth is more easy than lyins:
The sweetest of jnvs f mm us always are flying.
. C. Itoilgr, in GoodilVs Sun.
How He Became Sprigrsrs & Co. 'a
Chaplain Not a Love Story.
Written for This Paper.
Springs and Company, proprietors and ope
rators of -sundry coal mines, furnaces and
rollin? mills in Western Pennsylvania, sat
In the "snuggery" at the rear of Spriggs and
John Spriggs, who is "Spriggs." and
FefcT Spnjes, who ts "the Company," in
vAedthe snuggery with an eye to other
inventions in connection with their enor
mous business. In the snuggery no books,
no uesks. no any thin? were to be found,
nave and except a pair of immense arm
chairs, two pipes and a huge earthenware
jar of smoking tobacco. In the snuggery
Spricgs and Company held their cabinet
councils, when they planned and sifted mat
tors which they considered too exclusive
ven for the ears of their manager and their
Perhaps the most uniqus matter ever dis-
cus,?d and copiially settled by two wealthy
"business men was under Spriggs and Com
pany's consideration in their snuggery some
few years ago.
'He's xavei us a clear hundred thousand
in buildings and machinery. I'ctt, to say
noihing about loss of orders," said Spriggs
to the Company.
'Not a cent less, John," responded the
We can afford to do something hand
some."' continued Spris.
"We can," ccioe-1 th Company.
Silence ensued for a few moments save
only for the -teady puffing of Sprizgs and
Company on the brace of aiweious j ;es.
Uowneamc Spriggs" hand upon his broad
knee. aifd lie bent forward as he exclaimed
with considerable emphasis. "I have it!"
Have what i" queried the Company.
"I have a irood idea bv which, if carried
out. weca:i help the parson and do ourselves J
and the boys no harm. V t: 11 bail 1 a eliureli
a church that shall be a credit To the Lord
and to Springs and Company. There"- a
good lot near the old mill, and we might
build a parwma e as well without crowding
either the church or th mill. Then v:e
might set aide a p-rcentage of the profits
eachy.rarto help run that church. I tell
you, Pete, this young May has grit, and
knows how to han-lle our men b2tter than
we do ourselves. S. we'll appoint him
ckaplain in charge of Springs and Compa
ny's churc'i What do vou -a v i"
"I cordially agree with you, John. We
owe yiiung May nmre than ordinary recog
nition: besides which. I feel sure that a
church, with such a parson, in connection
with our works, will be a better thing for
all of us than we can properly appreciate at
Aftr which prophetic remark, Spriggs
ar.fAmpatiy artjouraed to consult with
thewjookkceper ia regard to ways and
Such a convention, tending to such a very
practically and worthy conclusion, requires
some explanation; and therein lies our
Arthur May was. by all his acquaintances
and many'of his friends, considered a crank ;
as a matter of fact he merely hod some very
decided notions and opinions of bis own.
For example: Ujwn coming of age he re
linquished a fairly large fortune bestow
ing it upon sundry charities and scientific
institutions merely retaining sufficient to
supply his absolute needs from time to
time. People said his ideas were wild,
visionary and Utopian some even asserting
"we ca afford to no -osinTnixo nAXD-
that Arriur Mar was a socialist, nihilist
and anarchist ctmbined. When he an
nounced his intention of studying for the
ministry his fnVnls said be was crazv. as
no May hail ever been knovrn to bind him
self to any creed or canon. That was true
enough, and Arthur was May enough to re
fuse to trot in the traces of orthodoxy. He
entered no theological seminary and sub
scribed to no confession of "faith. Ho
studied his .cw Testament with his own
common sense for commentary and concor
dance. He thousht that th In nf a..,A
and love for his neighbor made a strong
comb'.nation for a preacher, without the aid
of 'ologics and 'isms. When he was twenty
five years old he left his mother's horns d'e-
termmed to find a field of labor and he
found it. Found it in the dirt-begnmed re
gion of Ironvale, where a thousand men
with dependent families earned their bread
by the sweat of their brows men who
worked like horses kix days each week and
loafed away their Sundays men whe said
so much that was black and dirty aud un
pleasant that most of them came very near
forgetting that they were mn. And that,
by the way, was one thins vhica Arthur
May never proposed to overlook. He had
started out to do his life-work as a preacher
and teacher, but he never intended to forget
that he was also a man.
Arthur May made his first public bow to
the Ironvale population under rather favor
able, if risky, circumstances. While in
Johnstown he had heard of the place, and
sauntered over (a matter of a ten-mile walk)
one day in the fall. The more of dirt,
squalor, misery and degradation he beheld
in the streets and homes, the more he be
came convinced that it was the very place
for practical Christian work a place where
a few simple sanitary and hygienic lessons
would be more to the point than hypothetical
discussions on such questions a conditional
immortality and the iiersonality of the
deviL So he decided to stay, and estab
lished his headquarters at the none too
sweet and clean hostelry dignified by the
name of the Ironworkers' Exchange.
Opposite to the hotel was a three-story
frame building, apparently rented out in
flats. On the first night of his advent to
Ironvale, Arthur May was about to retire
when he noticed smoke entering his own
half-open window. He peered out into the
night and beheld asmall name slowly spread
ing itself over the front of the dingy tene
ment house across the street. Without
waiting to don his coat and vest, he hastily
ran down stairs and gave the alarm. All
the inmates of the tenement were soon in
the street, but as there was not even the
pretence of a fire department in Ironvale,
the meager furniture of the house was
doomed and the building itself was soon
enwrapped in flames. Suddenly a small,
slender figure in a white night-dress ap
peared at a window on the ton-story. It
was apparently a little girl of seven or eight
years, and, although not a word that she
said could be heard in the crowd, it was
easy to see that she was greatly terrified and
crying for help.
"Great Ool!" said a woman, "it's Tim
Doolan's little Em! She's all alone, poor
young'un her mother dead three week's
ago, an Jim, the night watchman, over to
the sheet ir.n mill !"
Other women in the crowd screamed and
wrung their hands; some of the men be
moaned the lack of a hook and ladder, while
others, with hands in pockets and gaping
mouths, watched with lazv unconcern or
idle curiosity the fate of the helpless child.
But while the crowd talked, cried and
gaped. Arthur May hastily endeavored to
comprehend the plan of the burning house
and its stairways. Then, heedless of the
scorching heat, the blinding and suffocating
smoke, and deaf to the warnig cries of the
men, he rushed into the ill-fated building.
With great difficulty he fou:;d the child and
wrapped her in an old shawl which he saw
lying in the room. Then, dashing again
through the smoke and flames, he emerged
once more on to th' trvt, where he was
greeted with a loud hurrah and almost deaf
ening hand-clapping. Arthur gave up the
motherless girl to some of the we men and
quietly returned to his lodginsrs. But sev
eral of the Ironvale people followed him.
and in the oflloe of the hotel his sleeves
rolled up, his hair and mustache singed, and
hi fofte. hands and arms blackened by the
smoke Arthur May held quite a reception,
in the course of which he took occasion to
introduce himself and explain his object in
cominir to Ironvale. When he said he was
a preacher and wanted the men to come and
hear him talk to thim next Sunday, they all
promised to be o hand, for they thought
a man who wasn't afraid U risk his life, as
Arthur had done, was worthy a hearing.
whatever he miirht have to say. One thing
was assured Arthur's popularitj with the
womenfolk; and that was a great thing iu
Ironvale, a? indeed it is in any community.
Another method was necessary in Jron
vale to secure the lastins regard and esteem
of the men, and the opportunity to bid for
the respect of the Ironvale masculiuo popu
lation came in Arthur's way on the first
Sunday in the smoky town.
Thore was no church in Ironvale: there
was not even a hall, so on Sundav afternoon
Arthur took up a position Just outside of the
big mills belonging to Spriggs and Company.
Somehow or other he had managed to make
it pretty well known that he was going to
preach, and quite a crowd assembled to hear
the young fellow who had so gallantly
rescued "Jim Doolan's little Em."
Arthur was a fascinating speaker, and be
ing a good judge of hum in nature and pos
sessed of his full share of common sense.
ho made himself more than interesting to
these rougli men, who gave him a resjiect
ful hearing. There w.:s ono man in the
crowd, however, who objected to the preach
ing. This was Jerry Burke, a big loafing
bully, who worked very little and drank a
great deal. He was a chronic grumbler and
especially objected, on general principles, to
anything like an innovation likely to better
the moral condition of things in Ironvale.
This same Burke was a sharp thorn in the
side of Spriggs and Company, who only toler
rated the. fellow about their works, fearful
of possible mischief which he might per
petrate should they discharge him. Physic
ally, Burke was a powerful fellow, stand
ing six feet high and tipping the scale at
two hundred pounds. He was never satis
fied with cither the wages or the hours of
work, though as a maUr of fact he hail
small cause for being discontented. In
sfrort, he was a bully, a sneak, and uncct - j
TUKot'on Tns smose a!t
elonably 'azy. Sllll. among the Ironvale
men ho had some sort of a following: the
wea'x-minded and more ignorant workmen
looked upon Burke as the champion of their
rights, and an additional reason for their
tolerance of Jerry as a sort of unacknowl
edged leader, was the fa?t that they knew
he could "lick" any one of them.
Now about the timj thit Arthur May
came to Ironvale, Baric, with souis other
restless spirits in a neighbi-ing iron center,
was aeeratly arranging p!aas for a strike
among Spriggs and Company's employes. Of
course, so far as Jerry Burk3 was con
cerned, ho carel uotning about battering
the condition of the "boys;" ho was looking
to his own aggrandizement as a ' labor
leader," and to the easy acquisition of money
by means of a23,:njats which would bi
levied on the boys to farther the strike.
Now Burke had a fairly good idea that a
sensible young fellow like Arthur May
would not naturally assist him in his
schemes, so he resolved to inform the
preacher that he must "git." Arthur had
almost finished his "talk," when Burke,
who was in the crowd, rudely interrupted.
'Most through, parson!"
'Yes," said Arthur. "Are you tired !"
"O, you can finish your say this time, but
you can't talk here any more. Preachin's
all right, mebbe, but we don't want it here.
'Well, my friend, no one eke seems to
object, and if you don't like it just stay
away. Still. I would rather have you come
and listen. I may as well announce now.
my friends, that I shall be hero next Sunday
afternoon. Perhaps before tho cold weather
comes we can get a hall or church buiit."
"We don't want no hall, nor no church.
nor no paraon," said Burke. "If you try to
shoot off in this part of the country again,
you'll be sorry, that's all I h ive to say I"
"If I do, what then!" inquired Arthur.
,4Only this; I shall knock a few of your
teeth down your throat to sorter choke you
All this time none of the couple of hun
dred men assembled uttered a word, though
once or twice the women cried "Shame on
ye, Jerry!" or "Oive the parson a show!"
Arthur sized up the situation in a mo
ment. He saw at ono that his would be
pcs4ecutor was a bully, so often found in
communities of ignorant men, and under
stood that Burke must bs summarily dis
posed of tf ha hoped to stay and do any good
in Ironvale. Now if there was one thing
Arthur May had beon proficient in at col
lege it was boxing an I wrestling. Still, he
was not a powerful mm. and weighed less
by fifty pounds than Jerry Burke. So the
resolution at which he arrived was a risky
"Boys," said Arthur, "this man says ho
will lick me if I stay in Ironvale. Now. I
am going to stay and he may as well lick me
now as later on. I don't much believe in
lighting never saw any fun in it; especially
it looks bad on a Suudty and in a preacher.
Sometimes, however, it Is necossary. It is
necessary now. I think, and I guess you
boys will stand off and see that a stranger
gets fair play!"
Off came Arthur's coat, and steppiugdown
from bis impromptu platform of rough
stone he walked briskly over to Burke, wno
was at that moment the most completely
surprised mau in Ironvale.
"I'll take that licking now. Mr. Bully!"
Burke had no coat to throw off, as he was
already standing in his shirtsleeves, but he
replied by giving Arthur a back-handed slap
in the face.
Well, some of tho Ironvale men tell, to
this day, how it was the "prettiest" thing
they ever saw "the way that the parson
knocked out Jerry Burke," who. in ten
minutes from the time he first interrupted
Arthur, had as much as he could do to sneak
off like a whipped cur.
Annrrn AnnnKssixo tiie ckowii.
From that ti-nc on. with the exception of
fist? a .IrkT-.n t;i i1mntfila 1ilr.s Rtirlr. m-ii,i-
man. woman and child in Ironvale was
Arthur May's warm admirer. As; for Jerry
Burke, he found it vastlv more pleasant to
reside in a neighboring town.
Yet, althoush Mr. Burke removed from
Ironvale. he by no means relinquished his
various schemes for bringing about a strike
at Sprigsrs and Company's. But, in view of
the fact that thousands of men in adjoining
districts were idle, Burke and his coadju
tors did not find manv of the men very en
thusiastic about striking: and when Springs
and Company, getting wind of i'm efforts of
the Burke cang, voluntarily raised the
wages tenperccnt-.the professional growlers
felt that they might as well withdraw from
Ironvale. Burke was the angriest and most
disappointed man in Western Pennsylvania:
all his chronic ill will and bad blood was
focused in a determination to wreak ven
gence, first on Spriggs and Company, and
then on the ";oor fools" who could be paci
fied with a ''paltry ten pr cent, sou"
Somehow or other Arthur May got to
know that Jerry Burke occasionally found
his way to Ironvale. and certain sly and
underhanded actions of the fellow's made
Arthur suspect that Burke's motive in visit
ing his old haunts were other than ordi
nary, so he resolved to watch him closely.
One night, about two months after Arthur
May's first apiearancc in Ironvale, the iar
son (as every one called Arthur, and as he
rather liked to be called) was making his
way to his humble lodgings. As he passed
Spriggs and Company's engine hyuse the
only building belonging to the firm which
could lay any claim to substantiality or
architectural beauty he noticed a man steal
up to one of the windows, which he opened
and entered. He noticed that the man car;
ried a small package. A minute later the man
emerged from the same window, minus the
package, and Arthur then saw that it was
Now Arthur, for prudential reasons, car
ried a small revolver, and this Mr. Burke
suddenly found within about two yards of
"Burite. you are up to no good!"
"What's that to you !"
"Now. my lad. you know you can't bluff
me. You ought to know I am not afraid of
you at em odds. With this weaon I ab
solutely command you to explain jour
"I don't have to. .Pity a man can't move
about without telling his business to a
d -d preacher!'
"Now, Burke, 1 mean what I say. Rot as
you refuse to tell me any thing, I must find
out why you were in tae engine bouse. Yox
will lead V.ii way through .We Jor, not
through the window. You know me. If
you disobey me I shall feel compelled to
Slowlv and sullenly Burko led th-i way.
The door was open, and just suside at an
eld man wh j did duty as watchman. "Ah,
Walker." said Arthur, "bring your lamp,
will you I"
The old watchman was surprised, but
a3ked no question as he complied with Ar
thur's request. The building was largo,
built of red brick and stone. I was divided
into two portions, ona covering the six iia
nv'DM! boilers aud the other the two power
Tne window which Burko had entered
was on the side farthest from the doorway
and just behind one of the engines.
All was quiet at this hour, work being
block, and conseoueutlv no nisht shift lv-im,
, 4 j Z3 - r
"Look around a littlo. Walker," said May,
as with pistol in hand, he closely watched
But Walker discovered nothing unusual.,,,, erectinjj walls of si
"Ain't vou glad! asked Burke, sneenngly. , . . ". ,
"Why were you here, Burke!" inquired J and Puttl"? m Jl ':' k
Arthur, very sternly. serving sis a partition between the two
"Because it suited me," was the rough rooms. This is considered a eommodi
reply. Arthur wondered what he should ous dwelling. Aft.r ridm.r nwr th..
iln novt Wrt f il! lrnt HllrL-.s i-.sl! jvinfn.l
but his thoughts were very busv. For
minute or two all was as still as death so
still that Arthur could detect what sounded
like the muffled ticking of a clock.
"Is there a clock in this building, Walker!'
"Yes. sir. But it stopped this two weeks
Arthur noticed a queer expression pass
over Burke's features, and an inspiration
seized the parson.
"Burke, that ticking is of some infernal
machine which you have brought here I
know it. I have both read of and seeu such
"Yes. curse you, and if you don't hurry out
of here we shall all be to hell in a few
Arthur still watched his man, and still
thought He thought of the costly engines
which if destroyed would throw out of em
ployment a thousand men for several weeks.
He thought of a possible terrific explosion
and the loss of life, probably, in the cottage
which stood only a stone's throw away: he
thought of his own life, and of old Walker,
and even of Burke himself.
"Burke, you are not a man. You are a
devil. If you will pick up that package and
carry it down to the creek you shall nave
that chance of your life; if you refuse I
shall shoot you in a mom3nt shall kill
Tne fellow began to whine like a babv
and said it was almost time for the horrible
machine to do its work. Said it was only
set for fifteen minutes. Coward tht he was,
Burke begged for his own life, caring
nothing for the lives or property of others.
"At once, fellow, at once pick up that
deviltry and take it to the creek. When it
isth the water I will see that you have a
chance to escape and then, never show
your face near Ironvale again !"
Seing Arthur in earnest, Burke tardily
tooktse ticking package from tho machinery
of the engine and made his way out of the
building, followed at a short distance by
Arthur who was himself running a great
Once outside, the villain walked briskly
toward the creek, which lav some three
hundred yards distant. He soon reached
the banks and hurled the package, which
was evidently heavy, into mid-stream. But
one thing both he and Arthur had forgotten,
or had been ignorant of. There was thick
ice on the water, and as the package struck
with considerable force there was a tremen
dous explosion which shattered the ice and
splashed the water in all directions.
Arthur was fifty yards or more from the
creek, but was thrown down by the sock
and severely stunned. As for Burke, a
dozen large pieces of ice struck him deal
ing him a fearful death.
It Isn't necessary to go into any mora
particulars but that's how Arthur May
came to be Spriggs and Company's chaplaiu.
W. H. S. Atkinson.
BEES VERSUS INDIANS.
A Touching Story Tolil by a Wracloiik
Man readers are familiar with
Wall's extraordinary feat, in 1819. in
driving, according to his statement, a
swarm of bees across the plains. A
day or two since, as one of our business
men was coming down town, he hap
pened to discover a large bee quietly
resting oa Wall's shoulder, as prepara-
tions were bei- m',de for sprinkling1
the court-hou-se la.;n. "Saw Wall.
what are you doing with that bee oa
your shoulder?' Wall was startled
for a moment, but. recovering his
usual composure, spoke with grav
ity, carrying conviction of imtar
nUhable truth. 'Til tell you. and
it's tho solemn truth, if ever I
spoke it in my life. That boo is tho
queen of the a warm I drove across tho
plains. She li;u been hunting me for
years, and knew me the moment I
called her name. Yoa see, she is get
ting a little gray, but I knew her on
sight. She piloted the swarm, and I
Used to feed her from my own molasses
can. That bee is the la-.t of her race,
and I shall take care of her ia her old
age. I tell yon, John, that bee brings
up many reminiscences of that memora
ble trip. Several times that 9 warm stood
by me in an hour of peril. They could
scent an Indian several miles away.
and they got to really enjoy an Indian
attack. The fact is they understood
tactics sus well as the best-trained
soldiers. When the queen sounded an
alarm, every bee was underarms ready
for fight. First a skirmish line wa
thrown out, and you could see more or
less uneasiness among the red-skins as
ono and another would clawat his ears.
yes or nose, but when the order to
'charge' was sounded, and the bee bat
tallious began to move in 'double
quick, a route and stampede always
followed. It is n fact, John, if ever J
told the truth in my life. What I an
saying is true. Those bees fought all
my battles across the plains, and thi'
is my old 'queen." Napa Cal.) Jitr
"T never should think of allowing
you to buy me ice-cream, dear George,
for I know ice-cream is often poison
ous," said the young lady, tenderly,
and George's heart grew glad until she
continued: "but I really don't believe
that we should run any risk if we went
in and tried a little sherbet, do vou?'
Journal of Education.
The lloturs or Ksrlr llommtail CI ilmants
in K in.iand Nebraska.
To basin with, tho habitation of the
homesteader is either a tlusrout or a
house built of squares of soil taken from
the prairie Nebraska or Kansas brick,
as they art! facetiously termed. The
dugout consists of a hole du; in tho
sido of a canyon or any sort of depres
sion on tho prairie which will serve as
a wind-break. This hole is roofed
across, about on a level with tho
' Prairie with inch boards, and these are
! covered with sod. A foot or so of
I stove-pipe protruding from the roof is
!,. ....! t.u ;.... r .. 1 i...i.:
' """"".""'" l ""' '"""
tion. One room irenerallv serves all
tho purposes of the homesteader and
hi- family. If he prospers for a sea
son, he adds to the front of his abode
sod on the sides
ont. the old one
( ,. ,
I quarter section lookintr for an owner.
espying such an abode, and guiding
your team carefully down u break-neck
descent to the front door, would it sur
prise you. upon entering this hole in
the ground, to find, for instance, a
very modern organ with an imposing
cat hod nil back towering high in one
corner of the room? But this is no
cause for astonishment very fre
quently organs and ornate designs in
furniture are to bo found in the dug
outs. Or. if the lady of the house
should invite you to remain for the
meeting of the literary club there in
the evening, would you stare at that?
Not at all. Literary clubs, which the
members ride all the way from five to
twenty miles to attend, and where they
discuss with great earnestness every
thing from the latest political problem
to the most abstruse point in metaphys
ics, are quite the regular thing with
our homesteaders. Hut to behold this
life so full of paradoxes in the height
of its incongruousness you should be a
spectator in the dugout when a neigh
borhood dance is in full blast. The
earthen walls have been skilfully
tapestried for the occasion with calico,
and when the fun begins, the clay floor
speedily responds to the capering of
the many twinkling feet, and there
nrises a cloud of dust that would stifle
an Indian. Hut. bless you! they don't
mind a bit of dust. A polished floor
and most perfect system of ventilation
attainable could add nothing to their
The homesteaders are very honest.
You can leave a house unlocked at all
times and your stores are perfectly
safe with the exception of what liquor
you may have on hand for medicinal
purposes. In other words, the home
steader will steal whisky every time.
As a class they are neighborly, kind to
one in distress, and exceedingly hos
pitable. Hut it must not be supposed that all
homesteaders live in dugouts or sleep
six or seven in a room; such experi
ences attach to the first vear or two of
frontier life more than to any later pe
riod. Many sightly, commodious and
comfortable sod houses have been
built. The walls are usually two feet
in thickness, the roof shingled, doors
and windows set into the walls, and
the house plastered inside, sometimes
outside, altogether making a very neat
and desirable residence. These struc
tures, too, are free from the annoyances
of dugouts, in which are found all
manner of insects and rodents. Occa
sionally a rattlesnake will burrow
through the earthen sides and coil him
self snugly in the bed-clothes, where
you will find him 0:1 a cold morning.
Such intruders are rare, but there are
some people who strenuously object to
even rare visits of this sort; Mich are
Usually energetic enough to get out of
the old house and into a new one be
fore spending many months in an abode
so uncomfortably near to nature's
heart. Frank II. Spearman, in Ilar
ADVICE TO BATHERS.
A Few Suggestions Concerning When anil
How to Katlu.
Bathers should enter the water
swiftly, not allowing the lower limbs to
become chilled, thus driving the Mood
to the head. ?Iost of our boys plunge
into the water head foremost: but this
is not necessary. To submerge the
body up to the neck is enough. After
this the body resumes an even tem
perature, and when this course is fol
lowed injurious results are rare.
The common belief that it is neces
sary to wet the head upon entering the
water is based upon the assumption
that otherwise too much blood is im
pelled upward. This is not true if the
rest of the body is quickly immersed.
Ladies can not bo expected to soak
thoir hair every time they bathe, nor
is it necessary that they should do so.
A common error is that of remaining
in the water too long. Blue lps. shiv
ering limbs and sub-sequent headaches
should be sufficient warning. A nap
after bathing is advised by phystoians.
Sea btthing induces drowsiness, and
has the effect of a sedative and nervo
tonic; hence a dip in the salt water
just before retiring for the night gen
erally insures sound sleep. When tho
water is colderhan usual postpone the
bath. Because some robust people can
batho in and out of season, and stay in
longer than others, should not induce
sensible people to imitate them. Fif
teen minutes is quite long enough to
remain in the water under ordinary
circumstances, and for delicate persons
oven thnt short space of time may be
injurious. Too violent exercise in the
water should be avoided. The extreme
fatigue which follows is in itself suffi
cientevidencethat it ia injurious. Or.
Mailey, in People's Health Journal,
A sliiicsa ;cr at Atlanta. Ga., lately
completed a pair of shoes that are four
teen inches long, ." wido and 8 dcep.
The one-story framo cabin in
which Andrew Johnson served his ap
prenticeship as a tailor is still standing
in Columbia. Tenn.
True it is what "the good men do
i oft interred with their bones." but
it is not frequently necessary to enlarge
tho cofiiu for that purpose. Boston
A humaa subject without collar
bones has been met with in a St. Louis
dissecting room. This structure is that
of most of tho vertebrates, such as
lions, bears, etc.
Iilobson says that Snagsby is so
mcilly that ho should think he would
be afraid to count his own nun-n for
fearsome of it would be mis-ing when
he got done. Burlington Free I're.
The man who was kicked out by
his- landlord because he couldn't pay
his rent says his experience shows that
three removes are not one-tenth p.iit
as bad as one "fire." Journal of Edit'
- Wife "John, the new maid told
me that vou tried to kiss her this morn
ing." Husband "What: And I paid
her a dollar to say nothing to you
about it. Discharge her at once.
Such a person is not to be trusted. X.
Lambrequin "There is Brown
crossing the street; let us turn down
f here and get out of his wav." Kobin-
son "V hat's the matter? Vo you owe
him anv thing?" Lambrequin "No;
but he has just got back from a week's
fishing excursion. Life.
Rich host (to poor relation) "The
duck s;ms to be pretty much all gone.
James. How would you like some of
the dressing?" Poor relation "That
will do nicely, sir; and if there is any
left you might give me a small piece of
'te quack." Texas Siflings.
Happy man (to fair widow) "And
shall wa have a ronsing wedding, dar
ling, a fine supper, dancing, music, and
all that sort of thing?" Fair widow
"X no. I think not. John. dear. We
must remember there was a funeral in
the house only a short time ago."
A married lady declined to tell a
maiden sister any of her troubles, say
ing: "Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis
folly to be wise." "Yes," replied th
sister, "and I've come to the conclusion
that when singleness is bliss 'tis folly
to be wives."
Nothing else is so calculated ta
work on man's sympathies as the sight
of a young man's painful effort at un
concern while ho is scratching his
brow with the hand with which he
would have tipped his hat to a young
lady if she hadn't cut him dead.
Dying benedict "I bequeath every
dollar to my wife. Have you got that
down?" Lawyer "Yes." Dying bene
dict "On condition that she marries
within a year." Lawyer "But why
insist upon that?" Dying benedict
"Because I want somebody to be sorry
that I died." Harper's Bazar.
A man out West fell in a dead
faint the other day and the people
thought at first that it was heart dis
ease. Afterward the man recovered,
and it was found that ho had sent for
a plumlwr the day before to do a little
work, and the plumber had come punct
ually at the time he said he would.
Mrs. Blunt "I can't abide that
Smith woman; I believe I actually hate
her." Mr. Goode " But, my dear
Mrs. Blunt, you ought not to feel so.
Doesn't the Bible tell us to love our
enemies?" "O. yes. it is all very well
to say love your enemies, but how can
one love them lien one's enemies hap
pen to be one's dearest friends?"
"Non-explosive dynamite?" Well
ittdeed. Henry, we never heard of such
a thing and consequently can't tell
where to find it. But we have nc
doubt that should the Government ad
vertise for 50.030 pounds of high
proof, double force dynamite for tor
pedoes, some patriotic contractor
would find a way of furnishing at
double price a kind of dynamite with
about one-tenth the explosive force of
wet sand. Ilimlrtlt'.
Destruction of Forests.
General James L. Brisbane has just
published a book on "Trees and Tree
Planting." He gives an interesting ac
count of the variety of trees to be found
in the virgin forests of the United States
and the ranges of soil in which they
will flourish best. But what is of most
importHnce, are the facts he furnishes
of the annual destruction of our forest
treas. Coming eastward, after a four
years" tour of army service on the tree
less plains of the West, the contrasts of
forest growth and the rapid disappear
ance of densely-wooded tracts during
his sojourn on the frontier induced him
to gather statistics on the subject and
print them as a warning of the conse
quences that must speedily ensue. Com
puting the enormous quantity of timber
cut for building purposes, for railroad
ties and for the fencing in of farms, the
statist ics that he gives shows that "eve
ry year we strip 8.O0O.OJ0 acres of
trees and plant less than 1 .000,000 acres
to replace them. The end," he says,
"is so plain even a fool may road it as
he runs." And the work goes on. The
greater part of the Northern pine is
gone, and the hemlock is fast disappear
ing. Resort is now had to the Southern
pine forests, heretofore scarcely touched
by the woodman's axe.and the hardwood
forests of the North Carol ina moun tains.
This incessant slaughter is not only
changing our climate, but is drying up
the sources of our navigable rivers.--
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