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About The Red Cloud chief. (Red Cloud, Webster Co., Neb.) 1873-1923 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 8, 1877)
THE RED CLOUD CHIEF.
HE I) CLOUD.
BT AKDKRW B. 8AXTOK.
be weary portals of tbe sight we close;
And. In the hark of Eomnnr, sails onfurled.
In snowy wreaths or cloud, our souls are
At mercy or each fltrul fcreeie that blows.
Then from the deptas that prescience nerer
We through a Tarled flood or dreams are
And wake to find the Me-rtream that has
Forages round our planer, changeless flows.
And so, when drowsy death shall seal our eyes.
An! from lameatlng Mends we pass away.
It may be that, awaklDg. we shall rise
Re re. hed and strengthened for a loiger stay.
And find the same old earth, the same blue
That we but lost In slumber yesterday.
Scrlbner ror October.
A MATRIMONIAL ADVERTISE
MENT. BY DI AMOND.
"Toast burned to a crisp! coffee like
mud! and beefsteak as tough as leather!
I'd like to know how in thunder a man
is going to live on such stuff as this! I'll
die of indigestion in less than a week
i f Ifkeep on in th is way. Here, Bridget,
take this mess away, and just pack up
as quickly as you ever did anything in
your life," growled Mr. Aaron Allen, as
he arose from the table, giving it a vio
lent push that set the dishes rattling
Bridget sullenly set to work, and Mr.
Allen strode out of the room, banging
the door behind him.
"Well," he muttered, as he reached
his study and threw himself into a
chair. "This is a go! Five cooks in as
many weeks, and no prospect of any
thing better. It will certainly drive
me distracted trying to live in this way.
I do hate to break up and board after
keeping house so long. If Sophia hadn't
made such a goose of herself she might
be here yet, and all would be well."
Mr. Allen was a middle-aged bache
lor, whose maiden sister, a few years
younger than he, had always directed
his household affairs since the death of
their mother, twenty years previously,
when Sophia was a gin of sixteen. They
had always lived peaceably enough until
about two months since, when Sophia
took mortal umbrage at her brother.
For Miss Sophia had a pet parrot, a
beautiful, talkative bird, which she was
very fond of; but one unlucky day she
unthinkingly left the cage door open
and weut out calling. Her brothercame
from his business before she returned;
and a sight met his eyes which set his
quick temper in a blaze at once. On his
study table sat Poll, busily engaged in
tearing into minute bits some of his
most important documents, which she
had pulled from the half-open drawers
while over what few remained untouch
ed by her bill streams of ink were pour
ing from the overturned stand.
"Fun! fun! line fun I" shouted Foil,
pausing a moment in her work of de
struction, and cocking up one eye ma
liciously at the intruder.
"Yes, I'll make it fun for you, you
scoundrel, you you " sputtered Mr
Allen, using, I am afraid, a few not
very refined expressions, and seizing
Poll unawares, he thrust her into the
cage,and rushing out on the street, gave
her to the first person he met. Miss
Sophiasoon came home, and missing her
bird, made inquiries, when her brother
at once related the whole affair. His
sister stormed and fumed and raged,
calling him "a cruel monster," and ended
by declaring she would not remain in a
house where she was so abused. Mr.
Allen, in a passion, told her to do as she
liked about it; it was immaterial to
him whether she went or remained ; so
she departed without even leaving her
future address, but her brother had no
fears on heraccount. She had relatives
and plenty of money, and she was cer
tainly old enough to take care of her
self. The cook, who had been in the
family for years, left when Miss Sophia
did, declaring that she "would not be
bossed over by a man." Mr. Allen,
thinking it would be easy to fill her
place, had taken five in succession from
the intelligence office, with what suc
cess we have already seen.
"Hum!" mused Mr. Allen, aloud, a
habit he had when alone. "If I knew
where Sophia was, I'd send for her, even
if she did act foolishly, but I don't know,
so there's an end of that. Heighho!
what's a house worth without a woman
to manage it, anyway? Something's
got to be done, and soon, too. I can't
live in tins way any longer. I believe
I'll get married!" looking around half
frightened at his termerity in giving
utterance to such a thought. "But
wouldn't Sophia fume then ! Still, there's
nobody I exactly take a fancy to. Miss
Boggs is too old," (vain man) Miss Stepup
too vain and extravagant, and I don't
know of any nice widows."
He sat a moment pondering deeply on
this important matter, then a light broke
over his face. "Tne very thing! Why
didn't I think of it before;" and he sat
down before his desk, and drawing pen.
ujk, ana paper toward him, commenced
writing. After frequent pauses and
much reflection, he finally laid down
his pen, and read over what he had
"I guess that will do," he said ; "what
an old fool I am ; but then I really don't
see any other way out of my dilemma.'
Miss Sophia, on leaving her brother's
house, had immediately gone to a cous
in's residing about sixty miles distant
and soon made herself quite at home.
The New York papers came in daily
and she always perused them with in
terest One day, in glancing over the
advertisements, one among the "Per
sonals" caught her eye, and she read it
over carelessly, then again with more
A middle-aged gentleman of wealth
and position is desirous of opening a
correspondence with a lady of educa
tion and refinement, with a view to
matrimony. Address 'Alpha,' 'Herald
"WelV mused Hiss Sophia, drawing
I a long breath, "I wish, I really wish I
dare do it There can't be any harm in
tiying, anyway. Wouldn't Aaron be
astonished if I should get married after
An hour later found Miss Sophia on
the way to the postoffice, with a letter
hidden in her pocket which made her
heart throb strangely every time she
thought of it The missive was sent and
an answer anxiously awaited, which
came in due season addressed to "An
gelica," in a rather stiff, unnatural hand'
she thought, but then her correspond
ent might be disguising his hand-writing
as she had hers. Miss Sophia now made
frequent excursions to the postoflhe,
and one day she returned home in quite
a flutter, and ran up to her room at once,
whereshe again perused the letter which
she had read while walking slowly home
along the quiet country road.
"He wants m e to appoint a meeting,'
she mused. "And matters have reached
such a point that of course I can't re
fuse to do so, and I don't know that I
would if I could, fori will acknowledge
that I am just as anxious to see him as
he is to see me. I do wonder what he
is like?" and she went off into a train of
musing and conjecture which we will
not attempt to follow.
A few davs subsequent to Miss So
phia's soliloquy, on a beautiful, bright
May morning, she donned h2r most be
coming apparel, and quietly leaving the
house, made her way to the one hotel
of which the village boasted, where she
called for a private parlor, and sat down
to wait with what patience she might,
for the coming ot her correspondent. A
few moments of anxious expectancy,
then the door slowly opened, and some
one entered, closing it behind him. Miss
Sophia, peering through her thick veil,
saw no handsome stranger, but could
she believe her eyes, her brother, Aaron
Allen! He approached her.
"Angelica," he said, softly.
Miss Sophia threw aside her veil and
sprang to her feet.
"Aaron Allen!" she cried, "what are
you doing here?"
"Wh' why Sophia," stammered Mr.
Allen, utterly confounded by thi3 sud
den denouement "you here?"
"Yes, Aaron Allen, I am here; and I
want to know what you mean by ad
dressing me by that name," demanded
"What name?" asked Mr. Allen, ut
"Angelica," replied Miss Sophia.blush
ing in spite of herself.
"I oh, I made a mistake in the per
son ; that's all, replied Mr. Allen, con
fusedly. "I'd like to know what you are
doing here, Sophia?"
"That's my business, Aaron," she re
retorted sharply. "And now tell me
whom you mistook me for?"
"Well, Sophia, I may as well inform
you that I am engaged to be married,"
said Mr. Allen, sheepishly, "and came
here by appointment to meet the la
dy." "And and was her name Angelica?"
asked Miss Sophia, breathlessly, a fear
ful suspicion beginning to dawn upon
her. "And is yours Alpha?"
"By Jove! Sophia, you don't mean
Thunderation! wn at a confounded pair
of fools we have beeu!" ejaculated Mr.
Alien, as me iruin nasneu upon lam.
"1 think the best thing we can do is to
go home, and live as we have done for
hu many years, ana let matrimony go
for the future." And Miss Sophia was
of the same opinion. Waverley Magazine.
Down in a Siver Mine,
Those who have never personally in
spected the lower levels of our mines
may obtain some idea of the degree of
heat to be found therein by visiting the
Savage works at the change of shifts.
The men packed together as close as
they can stand on the cage are popped
up out of the shaft all steaming hot
for all the world like a bunch of aspar
agus just lifted from the pot. They
make their appearance in a cloud of
steam that pours up continuously from
the "depths profound," and are dimly
seen until they step forth upon the floor
of the works. As the men land and
separate each carries with him for half
a minute, his own private cloud of va
por. As this passes off, the man is seen
to be naked from the waist up, his skin
as wet as though he had just been lifted
out of a pool of water. The men bring
up with them beside the steaman
amount of heat that may be felt by the
spectator as they pass.
All this is at the top of the shaft
where it is considered quite cool,
what then must it be hundreds of feet
below, where the men started from
down where the water stands at 1T5
Fahrenheit? Down there no steam is
seen, it is too hot for it It is onlv
when the hot, moist air coming up from
the lower regions strikes the cool air to
ward the top of the shaft that it takes
the form of steam. Down there where
the men come from you must keep your
hands off the pump column and the
pipes, and if you pick up any iron tool
you will at once put it down without
being told to do so. Down there they
handle things with gloves on, or wrap
rags about the drills they are guiding
and iron apparatus they are moving,
and down there, too, you will learn to
keep your mouth shut, after you have
drawn a few mouthtuls of hot air into
Perspire? It is no name for it You
are like a sponge that is being squeezed.
You are ready to believe that you have
10,000,000 pores to the square inch of
surface, or as many more as any author
ity may mention, and that all of these
pores are as big as the cells of a honey
comb. You go for ice-water, and it al
most seems to hiss as it passes down
your throat, you keep going for it, and
thus, in a short time, find out what be
comes of the tons and tons of ice that
are daily consumed in the mines. Ke
main among the miners an hour or two
and when you are finally popped out at
the top of the shaft, all red-hot and
steaming among the other asparagus
sprouts, you will appreciate the beauty,
the light, and the coolness of the upper
world. Virginia (Net)) Enterprise.
Princess Isabella was immediately
married by proxy, and received the title
of Queen of England. Froissart, a cel
ebrated historian living at that epoch,
says: "It was very pretty to see her,
young as she was, practicing how to act
In a few days. King Richard arrived
from England with a gay and numer
ous retinue of titled ladies to attend his
little bride, After many grand festi
vals they were married and were taken
in state to England, where the Baby
Queen was crowned in the famous
Westminster Abbey. Cecilia Cleve
land, in St. Nicholas
Maryland and Other Cookery.
The Chesapeake has conferred upon
Baltimore the title of the "gastronomic
capital" of the country. The fish, the
game and the reptiles of its generous
waters, and the traditions of the Mary
land kitchen, have made Baltimore the
Mecca toward which the eyes of all
American bon-vivants are turned with
a veneration that dyspepsia cannot im
pair, riaces have their dishes and ex
ult in them. New England points with
pride to an unsullied record of pump
kin pies. New Orleans has its pompano,
and boasts it much as Greenwich does
its white-bait la San Francisco you
win the confidence of the Californian
by praising his coppery oysters and say
ing that they remind you of "Osteiid
penn'orths," or Dublin's Bur ton-Bindins,
and that, after all, the true taste of the
"natives" is only acquired in waters
where there is a great excess of cop
per in suspension. At Norfolk, the sa
cred dish that is offered upon the altar
of hospitality is the hog-fish. Tne mod
est New Yorker, in the acerbity of the
lenten season, asks his foreign friend if
he ever saw anything like "our shad.'
In Albany you partake of "beef " sliced
from a Hudson river sturgeon ; a fish of
which cutlets from the shoulders are
served in San Francisco te excellent
purpose as filets de sole. Chicago has
been heard to speak of white fish. In
Calcutta one inwardly consumes with
curry. Bird's nest soup, made from the
gelatinous and insipid secretion of the
sea swallow, is the dish of honor at
Shanghai But Baltimore rests not its
reputation upon the precarious tenure
of a single dish; it sits in complacent
contemplation of the unrivaled variety
of its local market and calmly forbids
comparison. While the Chesapeake con
tinues to give it its terrapins, its can
vasbacks, its oysters and its fish, this
maybe done with safety; and among
the pleasantest recollections that a
stranger may have shall be those of a
Maryland kitchen in the '-season." Via
iters from the mother country seldom
overlook it and they have recorded
their sentiments ever since the old col
onial days. In these days of rapid tran
sit it were strange if our trans-Atlantic
cousins did not know more about it;
and Liverpool receives many a crate of
canvasbacks, many a barrel of choice
oysters, and many a can of terrapin
cunningly packed in Baltimore. There
have recently been dinners given in
London and Paris, at which every arti
cle of food upon the table came from
America. W. M. La fan, in Scribner
A Child Queen.
I wonder how many of the little girl
readers of St. Nicholas are fond of his
tory ? If th6y answer candidly, I do not
doubt that a large proportion will de
clare they prefer the charming stories
they find in St Nicholas to the dull
pages of history, with its countless bat
tles and murdered sovereigns. But
history is not every bit dull, by any
means, as you will find if your elder
sisters and friends will select portions
for you to read that are suitable to your
age and interests. Perhaps you are very
imaginative, and prefer fairy tales to all
others. I am sure, then, that you will
like the story I am about to tell you, of
a little French princess, who was mar
ried and crowned Queen of England
when only eight years old, and who be
came a widow at twelve.
This child-sovereign was born many
hundred years ago in 13S7 at the pal
ace of the Louvre in Paris, of whose
noble picture gallery I am sure you all
have heard if, indeed, many of you
have not seen it yourselves. She was
the daughter of the poor King Charles
VI, whose misfortunes made him in
sane, and for whose amusement playing
cards were invented, and of his quesn,
Isabeau of Bavaria, a beautiful but
very wicked woman. Little Princess
Isabella was the eldest of twelve chil
dren. She inherited her mother's beau
ty, and was petted by her parents and
the entire court of France.
King Richard II, of England, who
was a widower about thirty years old,
was urged to marry again ; and, instead
of selecting a w'fe near his own age,
his choice fell upon little Princess Isa
bella. "She is much too young," he was told.
"Even in five or six years she will not
be old enough to be married." The
king, however, thought this objection
too trifling to stand in the way of his
marriage, and saying, "The lady's age is
a fault that every day will remedy," he
sent a magnificent embassy to the court
of France, headed by the Archbishop of
Duliin, and consisting of earls, mar
shals, knights, and squires of honor un
counted, with attendants to the number
of five hundred.
When the embassy reached Paris,and
the offer of marriage had been formally
accepted, the archbishop and the earls
asked to .ee the little princess who was
soon to become their queen. At first
the French Council refused, saying so
young a child was not prepared to ap
pear on public occasions, and they could
not tell how she might behave. The
English noblemen were so solicitous,
however, that at last she was brought
before them. The earl marshal imme
diately knelt before her, and said, in the
old fashioned language of the time:
"Madam, if it please God, you shall be
our lady and queen."
Queen Isabeau stood at a little dis
tance, curious and anxious, no doubt
to know how her little daughter would
answer this formal address. To her
great pleasure, and the great surprise
of all present Princess Isabella replied:
"Sir, if it please God and my father
that! be Queen of England, I shall be
well pleased, for I am told I shall then
be a great lady."
Then, giving the marshal her tiny
hand to kiss, she bade him rise from his
knees, and leading him to her mother,
she presented him to her with the grace
and ease of a mature woman.1.
According to the fashion of the time,
When Gaiileo turned toward Mars
the telescope with which he had discov
ered the moons of Jupiter, the crescent
form of venus, and many other wondera
in the heavens, he was altogether dis
appointed. His telescope was indeed
too small to show any features of inter
est in Mars, though the planet of war is
much nearer to us than Jupiter. M ars
is but a small world. The diameter of
the planet is about 4,400 miles, that of
our earth being nearly 8,000. Jupiter,
though much farther away, ha3 his im
mense diameter of more than 80,000
miles to make up, and much more than
make up, for tne effect of distance.
With his noble system of moons he ap
pears a remarkable object even with a
small telescope, but Mars shows fewer
features of interest even with telescopes
of considerable size.
It was not then, till very powerful
telescopes had been constructed that
arstronomers learned what we now
know about Mars.
It is found his surface is divided into
land and water, like the surface of our
own earth. But his seas and oceans are
not nearly so large compared with his
continents and lands. You know on
our own earth the water covers so much
larger surface than the land that the
great continents are in reality islands.
Europe, Asia and Africa together form
one great island; North and South
America another, not quite so large;
then come Australia, Greenland, Mada
gascar, and so forth ; all the land3 being
islands, larger or smaller. On the other
hand, except the Caspian and the Sea
of Aral, there are no large seas entirely
land bound. In the case of Mars, a very
different state of things prevails, as you
will see from the three accompanying
pictures (hitherto unpublished), drawn
by the famous English observer, Dawes,
called the Eagle-eyed. The third and
best was drawn with a telescope con
structed by your famous optician, Al
van Clark, of Cambridge, Massachu
setts. The dark parts are the seas, the
light parts being land, or in some case3
cloud or snow. But in these pictures
most of the lighter portions represent
land ; for they have been seen often so
shaped, whereas clouds, of course.would
change in shape.
The planet Mars, like our earth.turns
on its axis, so that it has day and night
as we have. The length of its day is
not very different from that of our own.
Our earth turns once on its axis in
but before reading on, try to complete
this sentence for yourself. Every one
knows the earth's turning on its axis
produces day and night, and nine per
sons out of ten, if asked how long the
earth takes in turning round her axis,
will answer, 24 hours; and if asked
how many times she turns on her axis
in a year, will say 3G3 times, or if dis
disposedto be very exact, 'about mol.
times. But neither answer is correct.
The earth turns on her axis about oGO
times in each year, and each turning
occupies 23 hours 56 minutes and 4 sec
onds and 1 tenth of a second. We, tak
ing the ordinary day as the time of a
turning or rotation, lose count of one
rotation each year. It is necessary to
mention this, in order that when I tell
you how long the day of Mars is, you
may be able correctly to compare it with
our own day. Mars, then, turns on his
axis in 24 hours 37 minutes 22 seconds
and 7 tenth-parts of a second. So that
Mars requires 41 minutes 18 seconds
and 6 tenths of a second longer to turn
his small body once round than our
earth requires to turn round her much
larger body. The common day of Mars
is, however, only about S9 minutes lon
ger than our common day.
Mars has a long year, taking no less
than 6S7 our days to complete his cir
cuit round the sun, so that his year lasts
only about one month and a half less
than two of ours.
Like the earth, Mars has seasons, for
his polar axis, like that of the earth, is
aslant and at one part of his year brings
his northern regions more fully into
sunlight at which time summer pre
vails there and winter in his southern
regions; when at the opposite part of
his year his southern regions are turned
more fully sunward and have their
summer, while winter prevails over his
Around his poless around the earth's
there are great masses of ice, insomuch
that it is very doubtful whether any
inhabitants of Mars have been able to
penetrate to its poles, any more than
Kane or Hayes or Nares or Parry, des
pite their courage and endurance, have
been able to reach our northern pole, or
Cook or Wilkes or James Ross our ant
In the summer of either hemisphere
of Mar?, the north polar snows become
greatly reduced in extent as is natural,
while in winter they reach to low lati
tudes, showing that in parts of the
planet corresponding to the United
States, or mid-Europe, as to latitude,
bitter cold must prevail for several
weeks in succession. Prof. R. A. Proc
tor, in SL Nicholas.
with you in enduring form. How the
shadows leap, and skulk, and hover
about! Light and darkness are in per
petual tilt and warfare, with first the
one unhorsed, then the other. The
friendly and cheering fire, what acquain
tance we make with it! We had almost
forgotten there was such an element
we had so long known only its dark
offspring, heat. Now we see the wild
beauty unchanged and note its manner
and temper. How surely it creates its
own draft and sets the currents going.
as force and enthusiasm always will!
It carves itself a chimney out of the fluid
and houseless air. A friend, a minis
tering angel in subjection; a fiend, a
fury, a monster, ready to devour the
world, if ungoverned. By day it bur
rows in the ashes and sleeps ; at night it
comes forth and sits upon its throne of
rude logs, and rules the camp a sover
Near camp stood a tall, ragged yellow
birch, its partially cast-off bark hanging
in crisp sheets or dense rolls.
"That tree needs the barber," said
Aaron, "and shall have a call from him
So after dark he touched a match into
it and we saw the flames creep up and
wax in fury until the whole tree and it
main branches stood wrapped in a sheet
of roaring flame. It was a wild and
striking spectacle, and must have adver
tised our c imp to every nocturnal crea
ture in the forest
What does the camper think about
when Iniinrnncr arniinH Hip tiro :i nmlir '
Not much of the sport of the day, of
the big fish he lost and might have saved
of the distant settlement of to-morrow's
plans. An owl hoots off in the moun
tain and he thinks of him ; it a wolf
were to howl or a panther to scream he
would think of him the rest of the night
As it 13, thirgs flicker and hover through
his mind, and he hardly knows whether
it is the past or the present that posses
ses him. Certain it is he feels the hush
and solitude of the great forest, and
whether he will or not all his musings
are in some way cast upon that huge
background of the night. I'nless he is
an old camper-out there will be an under-current
of dread or half fear. My
companion said he could not help but
feel all the time that there ought to be
a sentinel out there pacing up and down
One seems to require less sleep in the
woods, as if the ground and theuntemp
ered air rested and refreshed him sooner
The balsam and the hemlock heal his
ache3 very quickly. If one i3 awakened
often during the night, rs he invariably
is, he does not feel that sediment of
sleep in his mind next day that he does
when the same interruption occurs at
home; the houghs have drawn it all out
of hi in. From "A lied of Boughs" by
John Burroughs; Ht-ribntr for Nov.
The Skobeleffs have a singular origin.
In 1839 the Emperor Nicholas, while at
a review of his whole army, ordered a
uen. SKoueieu to select tne iinest men
in the army to form into a lnxly of Im
perial Guards. In the first regiment ex
amined the general came across a stal
wart young soldier, who far surpassed
his comrades in appearance. The sol
dier said that his name wasKobeleff
and that he came from a village in the
Province of Novgorod. The general,
upon hearing this reply to an inquiry
he had made, seemed greatly interested,
and being told that it was only the
youth of Kobeleff, that had prevented
his promotion, gave orders that he
should be made a non commissioned of
ficer. That evening, Gen. Skobeleff, at
a dinner given to the ofliceis of the reg
imtnt to which Kobeleff belonged, told
an anecdote. He said ttiat many years
before, when he was a private soldier,
he was on guard one day at the Winter
Palace. While keeping guard the em
press passed by, and after looking at
him a few moments, asked him his
name. He replied that it was Kobeleff.
4 Kobeleff," said the empress; "I don't
like the sound of that name; hereafter
you are to be called Skobeleff." From
that time the empress took an interest
in hi3 welfare, and eventually, through
her favor he became aide-de-camp to the
Czar. T have only one remark to make,'
said the General, "and that is that the
young fellow whom I raised to he an
officer to day, is the son of a brother I
left at home to luok after the village
homestead." The nephew took his un
cle's name, and subsequently himself
became a General. It is his son, "Sko
beleff the younger ," who has just dis
tinguished himself before Plevna.
A minister telling a beautifuf young
girl who was about to become a bride,
that she must remember that the man
and wife are one, "Lord P she exclaim
ed, "if you were under my father and
mother's window when they are quar
reling, you would think they were at
least a dozen."
"Poor boy!" said a lady, as she took
out her purse to give a little beggar
some change. "Yes, I am a poor boy,"
said the young rascal, squeezing a tear
out of his eyes, "and have three sick
motherato support" The lady shook
her head, put back her purse, and sadly
A charming and a coquettish woman
deserts her husband's roof. "What
grieves me most" he says to a friend,
"is that I cannot understand why she
shonld have flown whether for this
reason, or that, or the other." "Oh," says
his friend, "make your mind easy. She
has left vou for the other."
A gentleman observing a servant girl,
who was left-handed, placing the knives
and forks on the dinner-table in the
same awkward position, remarked to
her that she was laying them left-handed.
"Oh, indade!" said she, "so I have;
be plazed, sir, to help me turn the table
"He is a man after my own heart pa,"
said Julia, referring to her Augustus.
"Nonsense," replied old Practical, "he is
a man after the money your uncle left
you." And then all was quiet
A very tall, thin Highlander said he
"had a cold in his head, originating in
wet feet" She looked at him slowly
from head to foot and back again, as if
measuring the distance the cold had to
travel, and then ejicalated: "Gracious
me! you must have got your feet wet
some time last year."
At a receut sale of short-horn cows
in England, one animal brought S22.00O.
That is a tremendous price, but it has
its compensations. To 1k kicked in the
stomach by a cow worth 822,000 must
be accompanied by a variety of enno
bling sensations. Not every man can
A tramp applied to a lady in Des
Moines for .something to eat, and to the
inquiry why he didn't go to work, said
there was not any chance to work at
his trade now. The lady asked him
what his trade was : "Shoveling snow,"
was the confident answer. He got his
He was about six yeara old. He point
ed to the face of the dial and said, "why,
there's another little watch." 1 said,
"that is chilled a second hand." He toss
ed his head contemptuously and walked
off, saying: "I wouldn't own a second
Customer f to proprietor of a large es
tablishment) "I want a mourning suit,
please." Proprietor "What is the be
reavement, may I ask?" Customer
'My mother-in-law." Proprietor (to a
distint shopman) "Mr. Hrown show
this gentleman to the 'Light Affliction
The exact sciences may demonstrate
the precise distance of the most remote
stir, and make the phases of surround
ing worlds as familiar as our household
words, but no amount of figuring will
ever be able to indicate where the atone
which a woman throws is going to
T..e way to make wood "go further,"
in cold weather, is to have it sawed and
split and piled up outside the door, in
place of being in the woodshed. By
A Heart of Stone.
A woman about .'0 years old jester- '
day sat behind a chestnut stand, on '
Congress street Eist, waiting for the
avaricious public to come along and
gobble up her no cents worth of stock.
There was a motherly, benevolent look
to her face, and a physiognomist wouhl
have said that she felt sorry for every
body who wasn't able to start a e.est
nut stand. She hadn't been there I-ng.
when a lump of a boy 0 or 10 r o'd
having the blackest Dare feet ever seen
in Detroit and his left hand rolled ip
in a dirty nig. sat down on the curb
stone within three feet of her and beg ir.
weeping and wailing in the mast affec
"Boo! boo-hoo! oh' boo-hooh.v" ..
wailed as he wandered to and fru:.
seeming great distress of mm.!.
The woman gave him a p using gl.r. -e 4
and then looked across the street. H.
wailed again. Ioudei than before.
she never moved her eyes.
"Oh! oh! I'm most deal!" besot!
but her only response was to bend -'.er
and pick out a bad chestnut and cr . 1
it down into the middl of the full 1.
The lad then moved along until if
was at her feet, and pulling his oil n,
down a notch further, he waikd:
"Oh! how I wish I had a ma and j i,
and wasn't a poor orphan boy!1'
The woman looked up ami down t' e u
street to see if any runaway teams u ere
coining. That same benevolent I ok
hung around her mouth, but she d. b.'tf
seem to know that a poor orphan u.u
Slathematics and Medicine.
Among other talks to-day it came out
that whale ship3 carry no doctors. The
Captain adds the doctorship to his own
duties. He not only gives medicines,
but sets broken limbs after notions of
his own, or saws them off and seara the
stump when amputation seems best.
The captain is provided with a medicine-chest,
with the medicines num
bered Instead of named. A boofc of di
rections goes with this. It describes
A Canp Fire Reverie.
Not the least of the charms of camp
ing out is your camp-fire at night What
an artist! What pictures are boldly
thrown or faintly outlined upon the can
vas of the night! Every object, every
attitude of your companion is striking
and memorable. You see effects and
groups every moment that you would
give mosey to be able to carry away
diseases and symptoms and siys: "Give
a teaspoonful of No. 0 once an hour,"
or "Give ten grains of No. 12 every half
hour," etc. One of our sea captains
came across a skipper in the North Pa
cific who was in a state of great sur
prise and perplexity. S iid he:
There's something rotten about this
medicine-chest business. One of ray
men was sick nothing much the mat
ter. I looked in the book; it j-aid give
him a teaspoonful of No. .". I weut to
the medicine-chest and I see I was out
of So. 15. I judged I'd got to get up a
combination somehow that would fill
the bill, so I hove into the fellow half a
teaspoonful of No. S and a half a tea
spooaf ull of No. 7, and I'd be hanged if
it didn'ckill him in fifteen minutes!
There's something about tnis medicine
chest system thaVs too many for me!
Mark Twain in Atlantic.
this means a load of wood has been
known to go more than half a mile in
It makes a Iwy's heart feel sick as the
winter wood begins to loom up in stead
ily growing piles in the back yard, and
ho sees his mother making preparations
for organizing him intoa"workingraan's
A shipwrecked Irish sailor was nar
rating how he and his companions had
floated about at sea for twenty days in
an open boat "And what did you do for
food, Pat, when the provisions gave
out?" asked a bystander. "Shure,and we
dined on one of the officers. Twas the
first mate we'd had in a fortnight," was
A slow fellow of a lover asked a to'1"
to whom he was feebly paying his dila
tory attentions, what form of marriage
she thought the most beautiful. "Oh,
never mind the form!" she exclaimed
"the substance is what I care for." The
invitations are now being issued for the
"Brethren," said the realistic parson,
"when you drop your contribution into
the box, you may drop it in gently from
beneath your hand, so that the collector
can't tell whether It's a dollar or a nick
el ; but you can't cheat the Lord."
A Pennsylvania Dutchman, who mar
ried his second wife after the funeral of
the first wm visited with a two hours'
serenade by the "Calathumblan" band,
in token of disapproval. He expoitu
lated pathetically, thus: -I say. poys
you ought to been ashamed mid your
sels to be making all dese noise ven dar
va3 somebody dead here so soon."
"Oh! how cold and hungry and su k I
am!" howled the b n as he looked 115 a
her with tearful eyes.
She didn't even wink one of hei oi
"Nuthin to eat for three days slej .
in an ire-house arm out of jmt feve
almost burstm' my head op n. aid ' "
how I want to be somebody's d.rl n
and bring in thee al. and build the! i- .
and be awful good!"
The woman found another bad rhes
nut and slowly put it where it won' 1 1 1
The boy was getting discouniil, dl
rose right up before her and erie.1 out
"Won't you giveasufferm'orp'i 1 1 m
"Gwoff!" she growled, while tie !
nevolent look increased.
"Won't you give a siarvtu orp r
just five five wormy ones?"
"Three two-- one just one o!4
wormy chestnut to strengthen m. ? . 1
can git to the bank!"
Her face broadened and lengtherie.
with motherly beuevjlenee a sh in
ed down for u club. When she ruse 1.;
he stood in the middle of the stre.-t, K h
tongue run out and his nose wrinkle I
"(J long! she called, as she waved 1.
He advanced till he was juit m '
reach of her weapon, and. pointiu hi
dirty linger at her nose, he slowly s.i
"I will go, my lord. I will g, k l
see a ieeler down on the cornei , I
I'll foileryou home this noon, and I
pizen your dog, and I'll put tar on f
door, and I'll stone your cat. and if .
have any cabb:ige in the back yar I I t
rend them limb from limb! Vou hi.
scorned an orphan ! You have sot H
unmoved: 1 our blood b$ upon ju.i
own head farewell I"
The officer got there ioO feet beh'n I
the boy, but he was not too late to He.- a
faceso full of pity, kindness, and chant v
that he wondered If the old worn m
didn't give the loy a ten dollar bill y
mistake, for a iv. -Drtroit Frr I'n t.
Th Poor Mun'ri IJomt.
The bill introduced by Senator Wal
lace to authorize a leng bond for the u,
vestment of savings, directs tie- -r
tary of the Treasury to issue in lieu of
an equal amount, of -i per cent liovls
authorized by the act of July 11. l-7'.
a sum not exceeding SI'o-jo.m of
United States coupon !MndH in den m
nat'ons of ?25, $50 and 3100 in q u.
sums, each denomination redeemable t?t
coin of the present standard value, af
ter ') years from date of their lssu,and
bearing interest payable semi-aiinnV.r
in such coin at the rate of a fil pi
cent per annum. These )jond.n are 1, )
exempt from all taxation. The rem t T.
der of the bill is as follows: ' Th'
retary of the Treasury shall keep h i, !
bond3 for sale at different sub treas'inea
of the I'tiited States and shall dispone
of the same at par and accrued Interei'
for coin or for I'nited States legal
der notes at the rate which th
then stand In the market, and such le
gal tender notes shall be re-Issued. 1
their proceeds and coin receiveI fjr
such bonds shall be applied to redein:
tion of the 5-20 bonds of the I'mV-!
A wound from a tongue i3 worse than
a wound from the sword; the latter af
fects only the body, the former the spirit
the souL PvthaeiraA.
To live long it
is necessary to Hve
Living in Watbiagtoa.
The expense of living in Washington
is now quite as low as in any of the
Ea-itern cities. This was not the cav
years ago. Rents were, a few years
since, enormously high at the Nationa
Capital, but now "houses for rent" and
"rooms for rent" are placarded on nearly
half the buildings of the city, and both
houses and rooms can be had at reason
ably low figures. IJoard, too, can be had
at astonishingly low rates. Several ex
tensive boarding nouses and hotels are
supplying table board at 15 per month,
S4 per week, and 25 cents rr mal-
People coming to Washington to spend
weeks or months, and desiring to make
expenses light while her, instead of
paying 83 to $- per day at the Arling
ton, Riggs, Ebbitt, Willard. National, or
Metropolitan, can secure a good room
for 10 per month, and meals for 15
per month, making their entire outlay
for both board and lodging only $25 per
month, which is certainly cheap enough,
considering that this is the great capital
of a great nation. Washington Cottpm.
pondence Chicago Journal. I
Died of Joy. -
Last week a Mri. Clinton, an lr.h
woman, about fifty yeara of a?e. arrived
in the city from England, intndm
pass her remaining years with t
daughter, a married woman, living a
Globe Village, She ha1 another dar
ter living in a neighboring State. ,c 1
the two liad made up a purs to ja? '
mother's passage to this country. M"
Clinton arrived hre the firV. of tf
week, and went directly to her dar
ter's house. A few days af tr her arr -val
the second daughtr came to t.i :
her, bringing two grandchildren, wh -x
the old lady had never sn. Gotaj? :
the door to meet them, the gnindm
er lifted the children from the earn v
and whea the daughter alighted, em
braced her with. -Oh dear. I bav S"
longed to gee you for the las: Urn. ani ,
it is the last time," saying which she
sank into a chair and expired bf"r
any aid could be given her. Sh -wis
buried on Sanday lasL Fall Rir.
It is an easy ax.d vulgar thing to
p'.eaa the mob, and not a very ardcou -
task to astonish them, but esscntiilly to
benefit and Improve th-m b a work
fraught with difficulty and teeming wi
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