NEBRASKA HERALD EXTRA.
Yol. 17.
PL ATTSMO UTH, NEBRASKA, THURSDAY, JUNE 30, 1881.
No. 15.
The Commissioner of Agriculture.
Peck's Sun.
Dr. Loring, the new commissioner of
agriculture, in place of the enthusiastic
LA Due, is said to be the handsomest
man in public life at Washington, arid
that his beauty is fully equal to that of
Nicholas Smith, the husband of Ida
Greeley, though of a dilfrrent type.
Smith is a pronounced blonde, with
dreamy blue eyes ami hair of a radiant
red, while Loring is a brunette, tall and
tiger like. His dark eyes Hash an im
perious flash, as he conies suddenly up
on a monster pumpkin or Hubbard
squash at a country fair, and lie hand es
an ear of corn in a rakish and piratical
sort of way that mashes a country girl
as though a New York building, built
on contract, had fallen on her. Like
Conkling he has made attitu ie a study,
and clothes himself in a freezing air
that carries an uncomfortable chill to
all his subordinates. "Bring me a
package ot turnip seed!" he hi.ses
through his set teeth, in a manner that
causes a menial to tivmble and turn
pale. He entered hisHlioe for the first
time the other day, and found his desk,
the one recently occupied by Le Due,
covered with what appeared to be clo
ver hulls and dirt, ana he inquired what
it was. "Tea," said a hiunlde servitor.
"Tea!" thundered Luring, "tea!! Out
with the accursed stuff and don't let me
tee any more of it!" lie did not care
to much about the tea, but lie wanted
to give them a specimen of his style.
Pursuing his investigations, lie came
upon a couple of tons of cornstalks.
from which the juice had been extract-i
ed, ami then he let himeif out. J he
Etorm raged, lightnings flashed, the
groans of theding mingled with the
yells of the victors, and freedom shriek
ed as Kosciusko fell, ar I the corn-talks
were dumped out on a !ray and carted
away-. There is a iiini hand at Die
helm of the ship of Male, in the agri
cultural ihpaa tiuiil :tt Va-iii!i';oii,
and tie' coii-r. rail iv-i in s ..ntv.
A Hot Joke.
Detroit Free Press.
A tailor on Fort street east got hold
of a red-hot idea the other day. He
heated up his goose to the blistering
point, and placed it on a bencii at . his
door with a sign reading: "Only twen-t-live
cents." In a minute aloug came
an ancient-looking c lored man with an
eye out for bargains, and as he saw the
goosi and road the sign he made up his
mind that he had struck it rich. lie
naturally reached' out to heft his bar
gain, and that was where he gave him
self away. The tailor almost fell down
with his merriment, but it didn't last
over sixtv seconds. At the end of that
time the vic.iiu entered the shop and
berran a sort of gymnastic performance
which did not cud until the tailor was
a sadly mashed man and his shop in I
the greatest confusion. The two were)
lighting in front when an olhcer came!
along ami nabbed both, and both were j
brought before his Honor together. I
eye
and I
and !
BENNETT & LEWIS,
DEALERS IN
Cigars e5s Tolsacco
AGENTS FOR THE CELEBRATED LEA VEX WORTH
VC X H w-. "w -i-wjsi-K -.-.v'.awl 'tis. vu.-J
o
The tailor appeared with a biack
rag,
nose
Tine cSioiccKt gtoelc of grocer
ies ica tlae city.
Gash Paid for Sutter and Eggs,.
Aliio'u'.e Fauli.
The firat wlf j of Ea..;o de Girardinl
had the most aii.soluo" .aiiil in his pow-;
erv. A few days -it) it t!:c revolution of
IMS a laily who was greatly distressed
about political events and troubled as
to the future wen! to see Mine, de (it-I
lardin, whos? parlor was exactly under
neath her husband's study ami wrk-i
room. "() i! my dear f:-i"nd," sai ! the;
visitor, "what terriM? ti nes we live in! I
Wi.at awful events! Who can extricate j
us from them?" There is only one. I
He wiio is above hi limit) can do it!"
responded gravely Mine,
Girardin.
Yes, that's so -the pood (iod, vou are
Xght!" "No! I am speaking ol
Lmile !"
Cardinal Newman, of England, is an
excellent musician, and pla.s the violin
with exq.iisiie .-kill.
A dentist had Irs f-- l:ngtrrnb!y har
rowed up the o:h r "lav a farmer
came in an t sisked for a dra tooth.
and a tin 'er lied op in a red
the African had a scratched
was minus t front leeth. j
"W-liiJ" queried the court as the
pair stood gaz.ng at liiin.
heb. 1 siiall shpeak lirst, replied1
tl;e tailor, ! likes to have a 'shoke !
ionutli.nes, und so I put dot goose omit
I ere. It v.:vs all in tuns, und I am i
werrv son v. i -, , m-i-i,
I oul iii't see whar' de fun cum! -D''-'-
in," said the ol.icr. "DIs ye re ban' a:n j CZZpz.
all burned 10 a blister, an' I-' won't be j '
able to use it lor two weeks." j
"Did you pur that hot goose out!
there for a joke?" qu.-ricd the court. j
"Yaw it was only a shoke."
"And were you joking when yon en- '
lered the shop und made things hum?'' I
he asked of the other. j
"No, boss, I wasn't. I'm an ole
man, an' not much giben to lailiu' an' '
cuttin' up. Wiien 1 let go of dat goose '
I made up my iniud to mash dat tailor I
flatter dan a billyard ball. It was my !
first fout for forty y'ars, but I'd got de ;
bulge on him an' was usin' him up:
when de officer stepped in. No, boss,
I wasn't jokin' 'bout dat time."
"Were you very tickled?" he queried;
of the tailor. ;
"Vhell, I vas tickled until he pitch;
into me."
"You were the only one who had any
fun out of it?"
"Vhell, I 'spose so." i
"Then you'll have to foot the bill.
I shall let him go and tine you .$." i
"Dot ish pooty high?" , !
"Yes, but it was a rich juke, you
know."
"Maybe she vhas, but I guess I let!
dot goose coed off now. Here is live,!
six. seven, eight dollars, und now 1
shall go home. I bid tmi goot day." j
Here We are with a Complete Stock
BLANKETS, COMFORTS, SHAWLS, SKIRTS, HOSE, FLANNEL,,
CASSIMERFS, JEANS, VALISES, DRESS, GOODS, RUCIIING,
RIBBONS, LACES, CARPETS, FLOOR OIL CLOTH MATTINGS
WINDOW SHADES and FIXTURES, d-c., d-c.
SHOES -A-lNTD ARCTICS
GHats, Caps, and Hoods, xE)
UNDER WEA 11, ALL COLORS AXD SIZES AT
PRICES TO SUIT EVERYBODY.
Shetlsmsl Wools.
GLOVES d- MITTENS TO FIT EVERYBODY, both in SIZE d- PRICE
Also tlic best Select Stock of strictly first-class Gro
ceries, Canned and Dried Fruits, Tobaccos,rQueen.--warc
and Glassware in the Citv. All of which w t
larantee to sell as low as anybody.
to close Cash Buyers, and for large quantities.
S .S. MAIN STREET.
W. H. BAKER & CO.
MACIIINE SHOTS !
rLATTSUOCTII, XFC,
The model of the statne of Mr. fJlad-i RVnirer 'f Steam Engines, Boiler.
stone, which is to be erec ted in Easti
London, has been completed by Mr.
Bruce Joy,' of lilham. It a little!
over nine feet' high, and represents t he
great statesman in the act of addressing;
.a vast assemblage. j
HOTEL. CITY HOTEL
PL VTTSMOl'TII, .NKB,
First cl:i.-s I.ol;;iiijj Rooms.
Fhtt Class ItoanliiiK.
;))! Sample Rof.-H
Everj tiling and every comfort
Ationd Hotel can Furnislj
Saio and Grist Mill
., ,iT ... r, , , . ... Also, (Jooil lr.fs, fiootl Reer, Cood I.nni"
froiifiht Iron Pipe. Forre and Lift Pips.ste;im .... , .
JaiiKei Safetv-Valve c:oernors.aud all , ',,,,d Lemonade, (.oxl Cisars,
'tu!- ! Kept at the City Hotel.
FARM MACHINE K i Hly FRED. COOS. Proprietor
