6
cbnishn $dver'iscr.
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CALVE'. P.
NKURARK V
DEATH'S SEOItET.
I write with a dead mnn's pencil,
Uii t oh I for tlio dead num's thoughtl
What would It bo,
Coild it roino to mo
lly tliu wuf tlnir brco7.es cnURht
anight by tho BlKliliitf roao ut his head,
Or tho lily's tciirsnthl feet?
Oh I for u wonl from tho burled dead,
To sny that dciith was swoet.
IthiinnoBtlnir, bolovod, . ,
Tor tho heiirt It folds to sloop,
Only for thono
Who plant tho nwo,
And feet tho Illy to weep.
Hut MX me, thou doar still ono,
What joy It Is to wako
On the other sldo , .
And bo Hatlslled
With a blls that none can break I
Ah I more to bn praised than tho llvlny "
Aro tluno already dead,
" Thy olthHtoppod oar
Can never hoar
My voice," I know He said.
So 1 llMen no moro at tho rose,
Though 1 weep vlth tho.llly still. .
I am yet unripe, tho Uaruohor knows,
My.plueo uueur to 1111.
It cannot bo loni? nor late v
l To wait;
And when T, too, havo slopt,
With an awakened ear
My soul shall hear i,
Secrets tho grave linstlcppt.
Fannie L. Uodvcs. in Interior'.
"LALMIYDOTIST;
A Story of the Land and Sea.
BV WALTKK IIKSANT AND JAMK3 IIICE, IN ALL
T11C YKAIl ItOUND.
CIIAI'Tnit V I.-CONTINUKD.
Then Dick became pensive1. Ho sat
huddled ui), with his elbow's on his
knees and his head in his hands, look
ing straight before him. For tho time,
as ulwa s in this performance, ho was
Hex himself; tho samo poise of tho
head, the same look of the oyes; ho had
put oil' tho Malayan type, and sat there,
before them all, pure Caucasian.
"Creditable, my lad," said Captain
Zaclmrinen. "I think you can, all of
vou, understand so far without my toll
ing." They certainly could.
Then the Malay sprang to his foot
and pointed to somo object in tho dis
tance. "Sail ho!" cried Captain Borllndcr.
Then he sat down again and bogan
tho regular motion of his arm which tho
Patriarch had mistaken for rocking tho
bab'.
" This," said tho Venerable, "is plain
and easy. Laud it 'is, not a sail why?
Because, if the latter, they would wavo
their pocket-handkerchiefs; if tho for
mer, they would h'ist sail or out sculls.
If the mummickor had been as plain
and easy to understand tho first time,
we fliouldn't havo gone astray and
sailed on that wrong tack about tho
baby."
With the help of tho latter the panto
,h mime becamo perfectly intelligible
Tho whole scene stood out plainly be
fore the eyes of all. Thoy were no
longer in the Captains' room at Sevon
Houses, Rotherhitho; thoy wore somo
whero far away, east of Now Guinea,
watching two men in a littlo boat on a
sea where there was no sail nor any
.sinoko from passing steamers. Low
down on the horizon was a thin streak,
which a landsman would havo taken for
a cloud. The two men with straining
faces were rowing with feverish eager
ness, encouraging each othor, and,ceas
ing not, though tho paddles nearly fell
from their hands with fatigue.
"Oh! Rex, Ilex!" cried Lai, carried
away by tho acting. "Rest awhile; oh,
rest!"
But still they paddled on.
Then came the scene of tho strugglo
and the binding of tho arms, and tho
march up country. Next tho roleaso
and tho quiet going up and down; and
then the second struggle, with another
capture, and a second binding of arms.
"Seo, Lai,'.' said Captain Holstius,
pointing triumphantly to tho actor;
"who is bound this time?"
Why, there could bo no doubt what
ever. It was not Rex, but tho Malay.
"This is the worst o' mummieking,
now," said the Patriarch, as if panto--V
miino was a rccognizod instrument in
tho teaching ami illustration of history.
"You're never quite sure. We've had
to give up the baby with tho chucking
overboard. I was sorry for that, bo
causo it was so plain and easy to read.
And now it scorns as if it was tho poor
devil himself that got took off to jail.
Was his hair cut short, Lai, when ho
camo hero two months ago? I can't
quitogive up tho prison, noithor, so"
beautiful as it reeled itself out first timo
wo did the mummieking. You're a
stranger, sir," ho addressed the doctor,
"and you knew Cap'eii Armigor. What
do you think? For ray own part well,
lot's hear you, sir."
"There "cannot bo a doubt," said tho
doctor, "that the man personated Ar
migor, and no othor, until tho last scone,
and that there ho becamo himself inten
tionally. Ho exaggerated himself. Ho
walked differently; ho carried his head
differently. Thoro was a flight of somo
kind, and tho Malay, not Armigor, at
ull, was taken prisoner." .'
" What is your opinion, Captain Bor
lindor?" asked Lai, anxious to know
what each man thought.
"My opinion," said Captain Borlin
dor, with emphasis, "is this. Thovgot
ashore; no ono can doubt that. Very
well, then. WhoroP Not ninny degrees
of longitude from tho place where thoy
wero wrecked. Who wore tho peoplo
thoy fell among? Tho natives. That's
what I read so far. Now wo go on to
tho fight at tho end. A bettor flglit I
aovor saw on the stage, not even at the'
Pavilion Theater, though but ono man
in it. As for Captain Armiccr. ho was
Jcnockcd on tho head-with a stick, or
aiuuK. wiui a Kiuio.accoriuiig to ino ro-s
ligion and oustomsdf them natives,
among- whom I necr sailed, andthdro
foro do not know their Ways, ''it's a
melancholy comfort, at all ovents, to
know tho manner of his end. Next to
looking forward to a decent burial, peo
ple when thoy aro going to bo knockdd
on tho head dio more comfortablo if
thoy know that other peoplo will hear
how they camo to bo Knocked on tlio
head, whether a" club or a"boat-hook or
a bo'sn',8 cutlash;" ".."
. " I th'ink, sir,'-; said tho doctor, "that
you are entirdly wr,oug. Tjiore is noth
ing whatever to show that Armigor was
killed."
But then ho did not know that Cap
tain Borlindor spoko according to tho
desire of his own heart. t
42 Then Lnl turned to tho only man who
had not yot spoken! '
" " And what'is your opinion, 'Captain
Wattles?"'
" I think," ropliod Barnabas tho Con
soler, "thatCap'en Armigor landed on
somo island, and worried through the
first scrimmage. I know them lands,
nhil I know that their ways to strangers
may bo rough. If you get through the
nrsi ncarty welcome, winch moans
clubs and knives and spears mostly,
there's no reason wliy you shouldn't
sottlo down am6ng 'cm. Thoro's many
an English and American sailor llviri'
thoro contented and happy. P'raps
Cap'on Armigor is ono of them."
" Not contented," said Lai, "nor yot
happy."
Captain Wattles went on:
"On tho othor hand, thoro's fights
among themselves and drunken bouts,
and many a bravo fellow knocked on the
head thereby. " ,
"Do you speak from your own
knowledge? askod tlio doctor.
"I was once," ho replied unblushing
ly,,"a missionary in the Kusaio station.
Yes; wo dissominated amongst us the
seeds of civilization and religion among
thoso poor cannibals. I also traded in
shirts and trousers, after the' had boon
taught how to put them on. Thoy aro
a treacherous raco; they treasure up the
recollection of wrongs and tako revenge;
thoy are insensible to kindness and
handy with thoir arrows. I fear that
Cap' en Armigor has long since been
kilicdand eaten. Thoy probably spared
the Malay on account of his brown skin,
as likely to disagree"
Then Captain Holstius rose and spoke.
" Friends all," ho said, " and espe
cially Captain Borlindor and Captain
Wattles, hero is a mossago comes di
rectly from Captain Armigor himself,
though now nigh upon throe years old.
And it comes close upon tho heels of
that othor message brought us by this
poor follow who gave it as ho know best,
though a difficult message to read in
parts. Now wo know, partly from
Dick, and partly from tho letter, what
happened and how it happened, and we
aro pretty certain that thoy must havo
lauded, as Captain Zachariuscn has told
us, in ono of tlio islands lying to iho
nor' -west of tho spot wheroshe struck."
Here ho paused. Captaiu Borlindor
blew great clouds of tobacco and looked
straight beforo him. Captain Wattles
listened with impatience. Then the
Norwegian went on: " I think, friends
all, that hero wo' havo our duty plain
boforo us. Hero aro thrco men in this
room, Captain Borlindor, Captain Wat
tles and myself, who havo boon in love
with Lai, who is Captain Armiger's
sweetheart, and therefore has no right
to listen to us so long as there is any
hope loft that ho is alivo. If no hope,
why, I do not say myself that sho lias
no right "
"N right, Captain Holstius," said
Lai; "no right to listen to any other
man, whatovor happens.'!
"Very well, than. But for us who
love her in a respectful way, and dosire
nothing but her happiness, thoro is only
ono dut', and that is "
Hero Captain Wattlos sprang to his
feet.
"To go in search of him. That is
what I was going to propose. Miss
Rydquist, I promise to go in search of
Cap'on Armigor. If ho is alivo, I will
bring him homo to you. If -ho is dead,
I will bring you news of how and when
ho died. Task no roward. I loavo that
to you. But I will bring you nows."
Thus was honestly and ovou nobly
spoken. But tho effect of tho speech
was aTittlo marred by the allusion to
roward. What roward had Lai to ofi'or,
except one! and she had just declared
that to bo impossible.
Then Captain Borlindor roso ponder
ously and slapped his chest.
" Nick Borlindor, Lai, is at your ser
vice. Yours truly, to command. Ho
hasn't boon a missionary, nor a dealor
in hand-me-down shirts, like somo skip
pers, having walked tho dock since a
boy, And ho doesn't know the Caroline
Islands. But ho can navigato a ship,
or ho can tako passago aboard a ship.
Whoro thoro's missionaries thcro'sships.
Ho will got aboard ono of them ships,
and lie will visit thoso cannibals and
find out tho truth. Lai, if Cap'on Ar
migor is alivo, he shall bo resoued by
Njok Borlindor, and shall come homo
with mo arm.iii-nrni to tho Prido of
Rothotfiitho. If he isn't alive, why
then ."
Ho sat down again, nodding his head.
Lai turned to Captain Holstius.
"Yes," ho said; "I thought this
bravo Englishman and this bravo Amori
ican would' see thoir duty plaia boforo
thonii I will go in search of him, too,
Lai. I know .not yot how; but I'ahall
find a way."
"Gqntlcmon" said Lai, ! have
nothing' to givo you oxcoptmy grati-'
tudo. Nothiug at all. Oh! who m all
tho world over had kindor amUnpbler
friends lhau I?" ---..
- Sho held out hor two hands. Captain
Wattles solzod tho right and kissed It
with effusion, murmuring somothlng
about Barnabas, tho Son of Consolation.
'CapUinJJoriindor followed, his example
wjthTthfe loft, though lie hfid novor bo
foro (regarded a -woman's hand as a
propor object for a manly kiss. Ho
took tlio opportunity to whisper that, in
all hr troubles, Nick Borlindor was the
man tp trust. , '.
"Now," said Captain Holstius, "thoro
is no time to bo lost; wo all havo things
to arrange and money to raise. Shall
wo all go together, or ahull wo go sep
arate?' " Soparuto," said tlio Son of Consola
tion. ; d
"Separate," criciKBorliiider firmly.
" If tho job is to bo dono, let MB do tho
job single-handed." ' ;
"Very well," said Captain Holstius;
" then how shall wo go?"
"Wo will go," said Captain Wattles,
"inordor. First ono, and thon anoth
er, to givo every maifTn fair chance and
no favor. And to got that fair chance
we will draw straws. Longest straw
first, shortest last."
Ho retired and returned with throo
straws in his hand.
"Now, Borlindor," ho said, "you
shall draw first,"
Borlindor took a straw, .but with hesi
tation. Tho doctor, who4 was,, rathor short
sighted, thought ho ddtcctcd a littlo
sloight-of-hatiu on tho part of Captain
Wattlos at this moment. But ho said
nothing. Captain Holstius then drew.
Again tho doctor thought ho observed
what scorned to bo tampering with tho
oraelo of tho straw.
On tho display of tho straws it was
found that tho longest straw was Cap
tain Borlindor's; tho shortest, that of
Captain Holstius. Tlio order of search
was'thoroforo, first, Captain Borlindor.
He heaved a groat broath, struck his
hands together, and smoto his chest
with great violonco and heartiness. You
would havo thought ho had drawn a
groat prizo instead of tho right to go
first on an oxtromely expensive voyage
of search. The next was to bo Captain
Wattlos. Tho third and last, Captain
Holstius.
Captain Zachariasen called for glasses
round to drink health and success to tho
gallant follows going out on this bravo
and honorable quest.
Outside tho house, presently, two of
tho gallant seekers stood in discourse.
"Tou don't think, Wattlos," asked
Borlindor, "that ho's really aliveP"
"1 can't say," replied the ox-missionary.
"I shouldn't like, myself, to bo
wrecked on ono of those islands. You
seo, thoro's been a littlo labor traffic in
those parts, and tho ungrateful peoplo,
who don't know what's good for them,
aro afraid of being kid I mean recruit
ed. And thoy boar malice. But I sup
pose he's ono of tho sort thai don't
easily get killed. I shall bo coins: Syd
ney-way about my own business next
year, or thereabouts, J expect, so it's all
m my day's work to make inquiries. As
for you "
" As to mo, now, brother?" Captain
Borlindor spoko in his most insinuating
way. "As to me, now? Come, let's
havo a drink."
" As to you," said tlio Cdnsolor, aftor
a drink at his friend's expense, "Pin
sorry for you, because you've got to go
at once, and you've got no 'experience.
Among cannibals, a man of your llesh is
like a prize ox at Christina's."
. Captain Borlindor turned pale.
"Yes that is so. They would put
you in a shallow pit, and with a low
onions and somo popper, cover all up
snug with stones, anil niako a firo on top
till you wero dono to a turn!"
Captain Borlindor shuddered.
"You aro 'going first, you aro, like a
bravo Briton. I will tell you a littlo
story. There was once a man who prom
ised to go over Niagara in an India-rubber
machine of his own invontion. A
beautiful machine it was, shut up tight,
with air-holes so as the man insido could
breathe free and open whoa so dis
posed." "Well?"
"Wal, sir, ho was cert' n'y bound to
f
,W. .....U itllUl lUUJVlll" ill H1U UII13 11 Ull,
no concluded to sdnd a eat over first."
T llllf nffftt. lnnlri.ti. .1 (Kn fn 1 1 .. 11 I ! ,
weur"
'Yes, Cap'on Bolijidor, tho cat wont
ovor and that man is still waiting below
tho Horseshoe Fall for tho critter to turn
up again."
.Captain Borlindor looked aftor his
friend with palo cheeks and apprehen
sive heart. What did it mean this par
able of tho cat and Niagara?
Now, aftor tho glass round was drank,
and tho thrco men gone, tho doctor
found his way round tho tablo and
looked under it on tho floor, and thoro
found two short bits of straw lying on tho
carpet. Ho picked 'them up' and con
sidered. "What did ho do it for?" ho
asked. "Longest first. Thoy wore,
I supposo, all tho same length, so that
the man with tho red face should go
first. Easy, thon, to nip bits oft tho
straw and mako tho Norway man tako
tlio sjiortost. What did ho do it for?"
And tho knowledge of this fact made
him uneasy, because it looked as if tho
search for Armigor would not bo alto
gether fair.
CHAl'TKlt VII.
CA1TAIN nOltlilNDttll AMONO T1U5 CANNIHAI.B.
When Captain Borlindor' sought .tlio
privacy of his. own chamber that eve
ning, ho gave way to meditations of a
very unpleasant and exasperating
nnturo. Was ever a man moro forced
into a holo than himself? Was ovor
proposition moro ridiculous? Why, if
as Holstius truly said they woro all aftor
the samo girl, what tho dickens was tho
good of going out of tho country, fill
the way to tho Eastern Seas, at enor
mous expense; to say nothing of tho
danger, in order to find and bring homo
tho man who would cut them all out
and carry tho girl ayyay? Uo would
rathor fight for tho girl; ho should like,
ho thought, to fight for tho girl. That
slow and pasy, Norwocgco would pretty
soon knock under, though tho littlo
Ynnkoo would bo moro dilllcult to
tackle. But actually to go and look for
tlio man! Why, since ho was happily
disposed of, and if not dead, thon
missing for three years, what madness
to disturb so comfortablo and providen
tial an arrangement! As for such dis
interestedness as to desire the happiness
of any woman in tho world as tho first
consideration, that was a thing to high
for Nick Borlindor's understanding, a
dark saying, a 'flight into unattainable
heights, wjliieh appeared to him pure
unmitigated nonsense. .Should his own
happiness, should any man's happiness,
bo wrecked to save that of any woman,
or man elthor, on tho wholo earth?
What is tlio happiness of anothor to a
man who cannot himself bo happy?
Who, thought honest Nicholas, with
out putting tho thought into words, is
tho most important person, the central
person, of the whole universe; tho por
son about whom tho stars do revolve,
for whom tho sun shines and tho rain
falls, for whoso protection governments
exist, for whom all people who on ealth
do dwell continually toil, so that this
person may recoivo good tilings without
cessation? Who is Ft, but mdi memo?
Was, then, Captain Borlindor to labor
and bo spout for tho promotion of an
other's happiness? Was ho to givo up
his ship in order to find a man who
would destroy his own best chance of
good fortune? Tho thing appeared
moro preposterous ovory moment!
"Who, in faot." ho ashed, giving
full vont to his foolings, " but a Nor
woogeo could bo such an enormous, such
an incrcdiblo nssP" ,
Thon ho remembered ngain the Yan
kee's apologue.
"Sniggorin beast!" ho said; "Ilmto
him! I wish he'd fall overboard of a
dark night and blowin' great guns.
What did ho mean? I'm to bo the cat
to go over among the cannibals, am I?"
Thon a beautiful and comforting
thought crossed his mind.
"I know now," ho said, "what I
ought to havo replied. I should havo
said thoro was a man cleverer than that
man. Fpr ho promised to go over tho
falls in a bathing-machine, or a sowing
machine, or a reaping-machine, or
something, and ho wont away and pres
ently ho camo back and said ho'd dono
it."
This happy ropartoo ploasod him so
much that no repeated it twice, and.thou
sat down and thought it ovor with in
tentness. " Why," ho said to himself, reasoning
as a Christian of tho highest principle,
" man was told to stand out of tho roach
of temptation, and if I woro to meet
that man, I might bo tempted to knock
him on tlio head. If it wasn't for Hol
stius and Wattles I would knock him on
tho head. But to kill a follow for othor
fellows to reap tho advantngo of, it
doosn't seem quito worth whiw. Still,
there's tho temptation, and I oughtn't
to go nnijjh of it. As for soarching for
him, again. Where am I to look for
him? Am I to land on ovcryisland and
pass tho word for Cap'on Armigor?
Naked black savages don't know about
Cap'on Armigor. Ato him up, no doubt,
long ago. Am I to put up a signal at
every port for Cap'on Armigor? Do
these ignorant natives know a signal
when thoy seo ono? Very well, 'then.
This Norwcogoo is all tho bigger fool."
As for the allegory of tho cat again.
Ho was himself tho cat. Pleasant tiling
for a man of his position to bo compared
to the cat which led tho wny over tlio
Falls and was smashed and never re
turned again! Work that thing out as
much as you please, and it always camo
to this, that ho, Nick Borlinder, was to
go out first, got devoured by tho
cnnnibals, and nover got back again.'
Then tho Yankee, himself out of tho
way, would try another way.
" I shan't go at all," ho 'murmured.
" Yah! for cheating and dishonesty givo
me a Yankee! 1 shall protend to havo
been there!
"As for finding him," ho went on
with his meditations, " it's a thousand
to ono you don't light on tho island
whoro ho put foot ashore; and if you do
find him, a million to 0110 at least that
ho's dead and all tho journoy, with tho
expense of it, for nothing.
" To say nothing of risk and danger.
Shipwreck; I suppose that goes for
nothing. Fever; Isupposo we needn't
reckon that. Oh, no, certainly not,
Sunstroko: that nover kills iir tropical
climates, does itP Oh, uo; don't reckon
that; Natives: 'they're n mild and dove
like raco, ain't thoy? Everybody knows
that. Don't reckon natives."
It was, 'aftor all, very jvoll to propose
a pretended voyage, but what would
tho Yankee do? And what did ho really
moan about tho catand tho India-rubber
ball?
This doubt puzzled him not a littlo.
Tho plan ho proposed to himself was
simple beautiful in its simplicity. But
ho could pot help feeling that his Amer
ican cousin had somo other and somo
dcopor plan, by means of which ho
would himself bo 'circumvented nd an
ticipated. " ' '
Nothing moro disturbs tho crafty and
subtle serpent, or moro fill him with
virtuous indignation, than tho, suspicion
that his brother serpent? is more crafty
and moro subtle than himself.
.Everybody knows how tho two burg
lars, friends in private, but strangers
in profession, mot ono night ii) tho
samo house, proposing independent re
search. His .plan" invplve'd'no expense, no
danger, no possible privations. It was
nothing moro nor less thun to wait
awhilo, and thon to present himself
witli tho report of a protended voyage.
TO UK, CPNTINUBU.j
' ' . I .
Kisses by peoplo who no longer love
each othor arc morejy collated yawns.
' FACTS' AN1) FIGURES.1'
Tlio was to of water ovo'ry cold day
l J'" AlMIV IMIU IU lUilVlllg UlllUUUS
open to provent freoztng is 20,000,000
gallons.
I Massachusetts has Sf118 mllos of
I railroad track "representing, with rolling
1 stock, 8122,165,014. Last year 181 pcr
' sons wero killed and 110 injured. '
Now York streets havo 23,621 pub"- "
lie lights of an ovonhur, 65 of which aro
electric. The consumption of gas by
tho street lights last year was 17,lGP,C0O
cubio feet.
' Canada lias 107,722 Indians, for
whoso benefit a sum of $)1, 089,708 has,
been sot apart. Thoro aro about -1,000
Indian children on the school rolls of
the dominion.
Tho Australian colonlos aro tho .
richest in tho world. Among thoir pos
sessions aro 80,000,000 sheep, and tlio
total population is only 3,000,000 souls.
St. Louis Olobc-Vcmocrat.
Tho Fish Commissioners of Now
York havo planted 77,007,080 young
ilsh and 696,160 mature fish in tho lakes
and streams of tho State during tho
last ton years There is good fishing in
many wators now where thoro was nono
boforo thoy woro restocked. Ar. Y.
Sun.
Tho number of words transmitted
by tho Western Union Telegraph to tho
355 dally papers it serves for tho census
year is stated at 611,199,930, while tho
totul number of words transmitted by
the Government telegraph of Groat
Britain to all tlio papers of tlio country j
for that period was 313,600,000.
Mr. Vundorbllt appears to bo mak
ing monoy in somo of his littlo outsido
speculations. It is said ho owns SG0,
000,000 of Government -I's, bought with
in tho last two years. During that timo
thoso bonds havo advanced 10 por cent,
in price, and ho has received 8 por cent,
interest, or an inorooso to Mr. Vauder-
bilk's fortuno of $11,000,000 flew
Haven licgislcr.
Tho importation of Mediterranean
fruit nt tho port of Now York during tlio
J'oar 1881 consisted of 117 cargoes by
English steamers and 25 cargoes y It'iu-
ian and Norwegian sailing vossols, and.
comprised 819,223 boxes and casos of
oranges, and 868,241 boxos of lemons.
Tho trado in Mediterranean fruit, in a
pocuniary point of view, did not meet f
tho expectations of thoso engaged in it.
N. V. Herald.
Lovers of statistics will hear with
interest that 5,800,000 fowls, 2,600,000
rabbits, 2,600,000 pigeons, 1,000,000
larks, 297,000 partridges, 260,000 hares, '
and 9,000 head of deer woro sold at tho
Paris Hallos Ccntralos in thocourso of a
single year. In tho samo period 29,
G00.000 kilos (roughly 30,000 tons) of
butchers' meat changed hands in tho
Hallos and this immense quantity hardly
represented a fifth part ol all tho butch
ers' moat sold that year in Paris.
WIT AN!) WISDOM.
Though flattery blossoms like friend
ship, yot thoro is a great difference in I
tho fruit. Socrates. !
Anthony Trollopo's now story is on
titled "Tho Fixed Period." It is prob
able that a soquol will appear called
"Tho Movable Somicolon." Norris
town Herald.
" Pa," asked littlo Johnny, " what
docs tho teacher mean by saying that I
must havo inherited my bad temper?"
She meant, Johnny, that you aro your
mother's own boy. Boston Transcript.
It is bettor to yiold a littlo than
quarrol a great deal. Tho habit of
standing up," as peoplo cull it, for
their littlo rights, is ono of tho most
disagreeablo and undignified in tlio
world.
Scientists say that tho best brain
food is corn meal. For years thousands
of persons huvo been laboring under tho
impression that it was oorn aftor being
convorted into whisky. Thoy will soo '
inoir error now. jsorrtsiown ucruta.
Dentistry has improved wondc
fully in twenty years past. Ton you
ago n dentist who broko n man's jn
wondor-
oars
tnw
wouldn't oven pay his car faro homo.
Now ho has to oomw down with four
dollars damages. Detroit Free Vrcss.
"Edward, what do I hoar that
you havo disoboyod your grandmothor,
who told you just now not to lump
down thoso stops P" "Grandma didn't
tell us not to, papa; sho only came to
tho door and said: I wouldn't jump
down thoso steps, boys;' anil I
shouldn't think sho would an old lady
like hor!"
Tho Lifo Saver. Forester "Un
thankfulncss is of tho world pay. Seo
you, of this man thoro havo I tho lifo
saved, and ho bids mo tho timo not
once." Second Huntsman "How, on
what way may havo you him tlio lifo
savod? Have you him out of tho water
pulledP" Forester " No; by ono hunt -Bhot
I him a wholo loadduck-shol in the
fur cap, had I a little deeper shot, it
would out with him havo been." De
troit Free Press.
Why sho doesn't count tho roars:'
In tho greon room of a Parisian theater
tho conversation turned upon tho doll- . ,
cute subject of ago. Presently n gentle- ,
man visitor vonturedupon tho indidcr'eot"
query: " Now, what ago aro you, my
near friend?" addressing his remark to
Mllo. X., who certainly can no loiigor
be considered in her first youth. "What
a question, indeed!" said tho lady: " how
can that possibly interest youP" " Sim- '
p)y curiosity1 responded tho visitor.
"Well, then, I' will be frank with you.
Really I do not know. Ono counts ono's
money", olio's jewels, and one's deeds of
value, because it may happen that thoy
could bo lost or stolon, but as I am ab- -solutqly
certain that nobody will tako a
year from my ago, and that T shall uoy
or lose ono, why, where is tho need' ol '
countingp"ow.on Era,