THE ADVERTISE!?..
O. W. i i it huotii i:u v, :.,
I'ntttther An- VrrfWtri
AVTKll THE HA IN.
i licnrd ii Horn? on tho irtititrliniil lirown,
When tlm dny Krow fnlrntid low:
McllioiiKht no voice In (lie ii ilsy town
"oulil Hlnir h hwimiI a riiiik;
It wiik lint u herd hoy, all nlnne
Alono on thi) Hliownry pliiln.
Who tmnit wit Ii u Hllvcr triiinpct Kino:
"Tlio nunshlno follow tin ruin."
My tlintiKlitH turn Imek to Hint April ilny
Ah I pucu tho ully Htiuot;
Hut tho lirown, luown moor lies fur away
I'roin tho trend of weary feet;
Vol ovortliominif rlnifrt ulenr mill loud,
Ovi'iimd nioriufiiln,
Above Hit' din ol tlio ri'Htli'M croud
" Thi) Hiiiirtliliui followM tlio ruin."
(lod knowH It iHlutidto fret mid ulilvo
rortliotioiil Unit conn In Hpi'tit;
It Hcciim Konu'tliui'H tluit tin hIiiiiimh thrho.
While HiilntH nro Iim content 1
Hut Ho know, too, tluit thi' clouds will purt
And tlm lilddoti put ti prow pliiln:
Ills uriui'lH Hinir to tlio doiilitluu liourt:
"'I'lio huiihIiIikj lollowHtlii1 ruin."
TOUR OF THR WORLD
IN -
EIGHTY DAYS.
jviji:s ri:itXKs a it hat sroitr.
CIIAI'TKIl I.
in which hiiu-.ah KtMKi ami i'iksi-.cahtout
AOCI'.IT HACK OTIIKII TIIK (INK AS MAHTKIC,
1III-. OTIir.il AH HliUVANT.
Ill tho ycur 1H7'2, tlio houso No. 7
Savillo How, Burlington Gardens tlio
house in wliioli Sheridan (Hod, in 181 1
was inhabited by Philoas Fogg, Esq.,
ono ofttlio most singular mid most no
ticed iiiumborH of the Reform Club of
London, although lio seemed to take
oaro to do nothing which might attract
atluutloii.
This 1'hiloa.s Fogg, then, an oiiigmat
io personage, of whom nothing was
known hnl that ho was a vorv polite
man, and ono of tho most perfect gon
tloinon of good English society, sue
ooodod ono of tho greatest orators that
honor England.
An Englishman Philoas Fogg was
Ntiruly, but )iirhap.s not a Londoner.
Ho was novor seon on 'Change, at tho
bank, or in any of tho ooiinting-rooins
of tho "City." Tho docks of London
had novor received a vessel fitted out
by I'liiloas Fogg. This gontlcnian did
not lignro in any public, body. His
minus had novor sounded in any Inns
of Court, nor in tho Tomplo, nor in
Lincoln s Inn. nor in Gray's Inn. Ho '
novor ploadod in tho Court of Chan
cery, nor tho Queen's Bench, nor tho
Exchequer, nor tho Ecclesiastical
Courts. Ho was neither a manufact
urer, nor a trader, nor a merchant, nor
a, gentleman fanner. Ho was not a
member of the Hoyal Institution of
Croat Britain, or tho Loudon Institu
tion, or the Artisan's Association, or
tho Russell Institution, or the Literary
.institution of the West, or tho Law In
Htituto, or that Institute of tho Arts and
Sciences placed under tho direct pat
ronage of her gracious Majesty. In
fact, no belonged to none of tho numer
ous societies that swarm in the capital
of England, from tho Harmonic to the
Entomological Society, founded princi
pally for tho purposo of destroying
hurtful insects.
1'hileas Fogg wu,s a member of tho
Hoform Club, and tluit was all.
Should any ono be astonished that
such a mysterious gentleman should bo
among tho members of this honorable
institution, wo will reply that ho ob
tained admission on the' recommenda
tion of Haring Brothers, with whom ho
had an open credit. Thence a certain
appearance duo to his checks being
regularly paid at sight by tho debt or
his account curront, which was always
to his credit.
Was this Philoas Fogg rich? Un
doubtedly. But the host informed
could not say how ho had made his
money, and Im Fogg was tho last poi
son to whom it would have been propor
to go for information. Ho was by no
moans oxtruvugnnt m anything, neither
was ho avaricious, for when money was
needed for a noble, .Useful, or bonovo
lont purpose, ho gave it quietly, and
oven anonymously. In short, no ono
was less comnmuicalivo than this gen
tleman. Ho talked as little as possible,
and seemed much more mysterious than
silent. But his llfo was open to tho
light, but what ho did was a'ways ko
mathematically tho same thing, that tho
imagination, unsatisfied, sought lurthor.
Hud ho traveled? It was probable,
for none know the world hotter than ho;
thoro was no spot so secluded that ho
did not appear to havo a special ac
quaintance with it. Sometimes, in a
fow brief, clear words, lio would cor
rect tlm thousand suppositions circulat
ing in tho club with rolerenco to travel
ers lost or strayed; ho pointed out tho
true probabilities, and so often did
events justify his prodietions, that ho
seemed as if gifted with a sort of sec
ond sight. Ho was a man who must
have traveled everywhere, in spirit tit
least.
Ouo thing was cortain, that for many
years l'liileas Fogg had not been from
London. Those who had the honor of
knowing him more intimately thunoUi
oi s atliimed that no one could pi cloud
to have seen him elsowhoio than upon
this direct route, which ho traversed
ovory day to go from his house to the
club.
His only pastime was reading! ho
papers and
nlavimr whist
Ho lro-
quontly won at thl. quiet game, so wry
appropriate to his natuivi; but his win
nings never went into his purse, and
made an important item in his charity
fund. Resides, it must bo remaived
that Mr. Fogg evidently played lor tho
mko at playing, not to win. Tho game
ivw for him a contest, a struggle against
a difficulty; but a motionless, unweary
ing struggle, and that suited his ehar
aoler. 1'hileas Fogg was not known to havo
either wife or children -which may
happen to tho most respectable people
--neither relatives nor friends which
is more rare, truly, i'hileas Fogg lived
alono in his house in Seville How,
where nobody entered. Thoro was
never a question as to its interior. A
single servant sulllood to servo him.
Bicakfasting and dining at tho club at
hours fixed with the utmost exactness,
in the sumo hall, at the sa.nio table, not
entertaining his colleagues nor invitinir
a stranger, ho returned home only logo
to bed exactly at midnight, without
over making use of the eonitorlablo
chambers which tho Reform Club puts
at i ho disposal of its favored members.
Of tho twenty-four hours ho passed ten
at his rosiifenco, either sleeping or
busying himself at his toilet. If he
walked, it was invariably witli a regu
lar stop in tho entrance hall with its
mosaic lloor, or in tho circular gallery,
above which roso a dome with blue paint
ed windows, supported by twenty Ionic
columns of red porphyry. If he dined
or breakfasted, the kitchens, tho but
tery, the pantry, the dairy of the club
furnished his table their succulent
stores; the waiters of tho club, grave
personages in dress-coals and shoos
with swan-skin solos, served him in a
special porcelain and on fine Saxon
linen; the club decanters of a lost mold
contained his sherry, his port and his
clnrot, flavored Willi oraiige-llowor wa
ter and cinnamon; and linally the ice
of tlio club, brought at groat expense
from the American lakes, kepi his
drinks in a satistactory condition of
freshness.
If to live in such conditions is to bo
eccentric, it must bo granted that ec
centricity has something good in it!
Tho mansion on Savillo How, with
out being sumptuous, recommended it
self by its extreme comfort. Besides,
with tho unvarying habits of the occu
pants, tho number of servants was re
duced to one. But l'liileas Fogg de
manded from his only servant an ex
traordinary ami regular punctuality.
J his very day, tho second Of October,
l'liileas Foirir had dismissed James '
Forster this youth having incurred hi I
displeasure by bunging him shaving
water at eighty-four negroes Fahren
heit, instead of eighty-six and ho was
waiting for his successor, who was to
make his appearance between eleven
and half-past cloven.
Philoas Fogg, squarely seated in his
arm chair, his foot close together liko
thoso of a soldier on parade, his hands
resting on his knees, his body straight,
liis head erect, was watching tho hand
of tho clock movo--u complicated
mechanism which indicated the Hours,'
the minutes, tho seconds, tho days, tho
days of tho month, and tho year. At
the stroke of half-past eleven 'Mr. Fogg
would, according to his daily habit,
leavo his house and repair to tho Ho
form Club.
At this moment there was a knock at
tho door of tho small parlor in which
was Philoas Fogg.
il tunes Forster, tho dismissed serv
ant, appeared. "The now servant,"
said he.
A young man, aged thirty years,
came forward ami bowed.
" You are a Frenchman, and your
name is John?"' Philoas Fogg asked
him.
"Joan, if it does not displease mon
siem" replied the new-comer. "Jean
Passepartout, a surname which has
clung to mo and which my natural
aptitude for withdrawing from u busi
ness has justihed. I believe, sir, that
1 am an honest fellow; but to bo frank, I
have had several trades. 1 have been
a traveling singer; a circus rider, vault
ing liko Leotard, and dancing on tlio
ropo liko Blondiu; thou I became pro
fessor of gymnastics, in order to render
my talents more useful; and in tlio last
iilaco, 1 was u sergeant liremau at Paris.
1 have among my papers notes of re
markable liros. But live years havo
passed since 1 left Franco, and wMiing
to have a ta.sto of family life, 1 havo
boon a valet in England.
Moi- limit...- ,
myself out of a situation, and having j
ii. ...... ,,, lllllllll"
louriicu inai monsieur l'liileas l-ogg , "' muster, veiunreu some unlit ie
was tho most exact and the most set- i marks, which wore badly received, and
uuu guiiuumaii m uie i niieii Kingdom,
I havo presented myself to monsieur
with the hope of livinir tranquilly with
him, andol lorgottingcvon tho name of
Pa-separtmit.'
Passepartout suits me," replied tlio
gentleman
l on are recommended to
j mo. 1 have good reports concerning
I you. You know my conditions?"
" l os, sir."
" Well, what time have yon?"
"Twenty-two minutes utter eleven,"
replied Passsopartout, drawing from
the depths or his pocket an enormous
silver watch.
" You are slow," said Mr. Fogg.
"Pardon me, Monsieur, but it it, im
possible." " You are four minutes too slow. It
does not matter. It sulllcos to state the
dilVorouee. 'I hen, tiom this momou',
twenty-nine minutes after eleven o'clock
u. m , this Wednesday, October 2, 187L
you are in my service."
That said,' I'hileas Fogg rose, took
his hut in his left hand, nhieod ii unon
ins nuau Mini
m automatic movement.
and disappeared without another word.
Passepartout heard tho street door
clo.so once; it was his new niiihter uroinsr
out; inen a second time; it was his pro-
docossor, James Forster, denaiHuir in
i.:.4 ti i t i
ins mm. rassopariout romaiiioil alono
in tho house in baville How.
CHAl'Tl'.U II.
IN WHICH IMSSKl'.lltTOCT IS CuNVINCUP THAT
ui: has I'ui'Mi uis mail..
"Upon my word." said Passepartout
to himself, first. "1 havo known all
Madame Tassaud's good people as live
ly as my now master!"
It is proper to say hero that Madame
Tassaud's "good people" arc wax
figures, much visited ir Loudon, mid
ivh'o, indeed, are only wanting in
speech.
During tho fow minutes that ho had
interviewed l'liileas Fogg, Passepartout
had examined his future master, rapidly
but carofully. He was a man that
might bo forty years old, of fine, hand
some face, of tall liguro, which a slight
corpulence did not disparage, his hair
and wliiskors light, his forehead com
pact, without appearance of wrinkles
at tlio temples, his face rather pale than
flushed, his teeth magnificent. Ho ap
peared to possess in the highest dogroo
what physiognomists call "repose in
action, a quality common to. thoo who
do more work than talking. Calm,
phlegmatic, with a clear eye and im
movable cyolid, lie was the finished
typo of thoso cool-blooded Englishmen
so frequently mot in tho United King
dom, and whoso somewhat academic
posture Angelica Kantl'mann has mar
volously reproduced under her pencil.
Seen in tho variousacts of liis existence,
this gentleman gave tho idea of a well
balanced being in all his parts, evenly
hung, as perfect as a Leroy or Earn
shaw chronometer. Indeed, Philoas
Fogg was exactness personified, which
was seon clearly from "tho expression
of his foot and his hands," for with
man, as well as with the animals, tho
limbs themselves are organs expressive
of the passions.
Philoas Fogg was ono of those mathe
matically exact people, who, novor hur
ried and always ready, arc economical
of their stops and thoir motions. Ho
novor made ono stride too many, always
going by tho shortest route. Ho did
nyt give an idle look. Ho did not al
low lilinsolf a superfluous gesture. Ho
had never boon seen moved or troubled.
He was a man of tho least possiblo haste,
but ho always arrived on time. How
ever, it will be understood that lie lived
alono, and, so to speak, outside of every
social relation. He knew that in life
one must take his sharo of friction, and
as frictions retard, he never rubbed
against any one.
As for .loan, called Passepartout, a
true Parisian of Paris, ho had sought
vainly for a master to whom he could
attach himself, in tho livoycars that he
lived in England and served as a valet
in London. I'assonarlout was not one
of those Frontins or Muscarines, who,
with high shoulders, nose high in air, a
look of assurance, and staring eye, are
only impudent dunces. No. Passepar
tout was a good fellow, of amiable phys
iognomy, his lips a little prominent, al
ways ready to tasto or caross, a mild
serviceable being, with ono of those
good round heads that we like to see on
tho shoulders of a friend. His eyes
wore blue, his complexion rosy, 'liis
face fat enough for him to see his cheek
bones, his chest broad, his form full,
his muscles vigorous, and ho possessed
a herculean strength, which his youth
ful exorcise had splendidly developed.
His brown hair was somewhat tumbled.
If tho ancient sculptors know eighteen
ways of arranging Minerva's hair. Passe
partout know of but one for fixing his
own; three strokes of a largotoothod
comb, and it was dressed.
Tho most meaner stock of prudence
would not permit of saying that tho
expansive character of this young man
would agree with that of I'hileas Fogg.
Would Passepartout bo in all respects
exactly the .servant that his master
needed? That would only bo seen by
using him. Alter having boon, as wo
havo soon, quite a wandering youth,
ho longed for roooso. Havin" 'heard
j the exactness and proverbial coolness
i of the English gentlemen praised, he
I came to seek his fortune in England.
J But until tho present, fa to had treated
1 him badly. Ho had not been able to
take root amwhoro. Ho had sorved in
ten dillorout houses. In every ono tho
people were capricious and irregular,
I running after adventures or about tho
I country which no longer suited Passc-
I partout. His lust mastor, young Lord
Longntorry, member of 'Parliament,
after having passed his nights in the
Hay market oister-rooms, returned
lomo too frequently on tho .shoulders
of liolipimtmi l.iuu(.!.iplint iiMulii,.
I - ... A ,h7..t,. .W..W , intllllil.
above all things, to be able to respect
10 quit. In the meantime, lio learned
that I'hileas Fogg, Esq., was hunting a
sonant. He made some itmuirv about
this gentleman. A person whoso ex
istence was so regular, who nccr slept
in a. strange bed, who did not 'travel,
who was inner absent, not oven for a
day, could not but suit him. Ho pre
sented him-olf, and was accepted un
der the circumstances that we already
kjiow.
, ni uau-past eleven, rassenartout
found himself alone in the Savillo How
i mansion. Ho immediately commenced
, its inspection, going over it from collar
to garret. This cloun, well-ordered,
j austere Puritan house, well organized
for .servants, pleased him. It produced
, the otl'ect upon him of a lino snail-sholl,
! but one lighted and heated by gas, lor
carburotted hydrogen answered both
' purpo-.es here. Passepartout found,
without dilliciiltv, in tho second storv.
J the room deigned for him. It suited
, him. Electric bolls and speaking tubes
' put it in communication with tho lower
stories. On the mantol an electric
clock corresponded with the ono in
l'liileas Fogg's bud-chamber, both beat-
unr mo sumo second at tlio same m-
i slant. " That Milts me, that suits mo!
said Passepartout.
no oDiurvcil also in his room a no
tice tasti'iied above tho clock. It wus
the programme for the daily service. It
comprised from eight o'clock in the
morning, the regular hour at which
l'liileas Fogg rose, until half-past elev
en, tho hour at which he loft liis hoiiso
to breakfast at the Hoform Club all tho
details of the sorviou, the tou and toast
at twenty-throe minutes after eight, tho
shaving water at thirty-seven minutes
i after nine, the toilot at twenty minutes
i before ten, etc. Then from half-past
eleven in tho morning until midnight,
tho hour at which tho methodical gen
tleman retired everything was noted
down, foreseen and regulated. Pas
sopartout took a pleasure in contemp'at
ing this programme, and impressing
upon his mind its various directions.
As to tho gentleman's wardrobe, it
was in very good tasto and wonderfully
complete. Each pair of pantaloons,
coat or vest boro a regular number,
which was also entered upon a register,
indicating the date at which, according
to tho season, thoso garments were to
bo worn in thoir turn. Tho same rule
applied to his shoos.
In short, in this houso in Savillo How
which, in tho time of the illustrious
but dissipated Sheridan, must have been
the temple of disorder its comfortable
furniture indicated a delightful case.
There was no study, there were no
books, which would have been of no
uso to Mr. Fogg, since tho Reform Club
placed at his disposal two libraries, the
ono devoted to literature, tlio other to
law and politics. In liis bcd-chamboi
there was a medium-sized safe whoso
construction protected it from fire as
well as from burglars. There were no
weapons in tho house, neither for the
chaso, nor for war. Everything thoro
denoted the most peaceful habits.
After having minutely examined tho
dwelling. Passepartout rubbed "lis
hands, his broad laco brightened, and
he rcpoatod cheerfully -"This suits mo!
This is tho placo for mo! Mr. Fogg ami
I will understand each other perfectly!
A homebody, and so methodical! A
genuine automaton! Well, 1 am not
sorry to serve under an automaton!"
CHAI'TKIt in.
IN WHICH A CONVKItSATION TAKKS I'liACK
WHICH MAV COST I'lllI.KAS K(KI(1 DKAItl.V.
Pliiloas Fogg had left his house in
Savillo Row at half-past oloven, and
after having put his right foot boforo
his left foot five hundred and seventy
live times and his loft foot before his
right foot five hundred and seventy-six
times, lie arrived at the Reform Club,
a spacious and lofty building in Pall
Mail, which cost not less than three
millions to build.
Philoas Fogg repaired immediately
to tho dining-room, whose nine win
dows opened upon a fine garden with
trees already gilded by autumn. There,
ho took his seat at his regular table
whore his plate was awaiting him. His
breakfast consisted of a side dish, a
boiled fish with Reading sauce of first
quality, a scarlet slice of roast beef
garnished with mushrooms, a rhubarb
and gooseberry tart, and a bit of Ches
ter choose, tho wholo washed down
with a fow cups of that excellent tea,
specially gathered for the stores of tho
Reform Club.
At forty-seven minutes past noon
this gentleman rose and turned his
steps toward tho large hall, a sumptu
ous apartment adorned with paintings
in elegant frames. Thoro, a servant
handed him the Times uncut, the tire
some cutting of which ho managed with
a steadiness of hand which "denoted
great practice in this dillicult operation.
The reading of this journal occupied
Phileas Fogg until a quarter before
four, and that of the Slumturd, winch
succeeded it. lasted until dinner. This
repast passed oil" in the. same wavas tlio
breakfast, with tho addition of ""Royal
British Sauce."
At twenty minutes boforo six the
gentleman reappeared in tho largo hall,
and w:us absorbed in the reading of tho
Morning Chronicle.
Half an hour later various members
of tho Reform Club entered and came
near the lire-place, in which a coal lire
was burning. They were tho usual
partners of Philoas' Fogg, liko himself
passionato players of whist: the engi
neer Andrew S"tuart, tho bankers John
Sullivan and Samuel Fallontin, tho
brewer Thomas Flanagan, Oauthier
Ralph, ono of tho directors of the Bank
of England rich and respected person
ages, oven in this club counting among
its members tho elite of trade and
finance.
" Well, Halph," asked Thomas Flan
agan, "how about that robbery?"
"Why," replied Andrew Stuart
"the bank will lose tho money."
" I hope, on tho contrary," said
Giiuthier Ralph, " that we will put our
hands on the robber. Detectives, very
skillful follows, have been soul to
America and tlio Continent, to all the
principal ports of embarkation and de
barkation, and it will bo dillicult for
this fellow to escape."
"But vou have the description of tho
robber?" asked Andrew Stuart.
" In the lirst placo, ho is not a rob
ber." replied (iauthior Halph, seriously.
" How, ho is not a robber, this follow
who has abstracted llfty-livo thousand
pounds in bank-notes?"
"No," replied Gauthior Ralph.
"Is ho then a manufacturer?" said
John Sullivan.
" Tho Mominq Chronicle assures us
that ho is a gentleman."
The party that made this reply was
no other than Phileas Fogg, whoso head
then emerged from the muss ol papers
heaped around him. At tho same time,
he greetod his colleagues, who returned
his sulutution. Tho mutter under dis
cussion, and which tho various journals
1 of tho United Kingdom wore discussing
ardently, had occurred throo days bo
I fore, on tho 2Uth of September. A
, package of bunk notes, making tho
1 enormous sum of lifty-livo thousand
pounds, had boon taken" from the coun
ter of the principal cashier of the Bunk
of England. Tho Under-Governor,
, Gauthior Halph, only replied to any ouo
! who was ustbnislioifthutsuch a robbery
j could havo boon so easily accomplMiod.
that at this very moment tho insider
was ocoti iiod with registering a receipt
, of three shillings six ponce, and that ho
j could not have his eyes everywhere.
I no in: co.vrui;i:u.j
V
E, W. Ilarloman, of Cincinnati, for
tho past twenty-live years car inspector.,
for tho Erie Railroad, now of tho Erio
& Wabash lino, was in tho city yester
day, and says in all his travels from tho
Atlantic to the Pacillo and from the
lakes to tho gulf ho was never picked
up for a sucker until yesterday morn
ing, isoing a stranger in tho city, ho
was walking about, admiring the" wide
and dusty streets and fine business
blocks, and when near the City Hall
was accosted by a young man with tho
salutation, "Mr. Johnson, how do you
do?" at the satno time rushing up and
extending a hand for a shako.
"You havo made a mistake,11 said
Mr. Ilarloman, "my name is not John
son." "What! ain't you James Johnson, of
Chicago?"
" No, sir; my nauioi? Hurleman, and
I am from Dayton, O.,1' responded tho
railroader.
The follow apologized iribst profusely,
adding that Mr. Ilarloman was tho dead
imago of James Johnson, of Chicago,
and walked oil'.
"A few moments later,1' narrates
Mr. Ilarloman, "another man came up
nnd extended his hand, saying, Ah,
Mr. Harlem. m, I am glad to havo mot
you. 1 used to know you in Dayton,
O., but I presume you have forgotten
me. My father is Smith, the dry-goods
merchant.' "
"Of courso I tumbled to tho racket,
then, but I said, 'So you aro young
Smith, are you? Whataro you doing up
hero?' "
" Canio on an excursion to sec tlio
town," responded Smith.
"Ry what road did you conio?"
quoriod Ilarloman.
"By tho Grand Trunk."
" Well, young man," said Ilarloman,
" before you go any further with tho
coulidcncc business you ought to post
yourself on railroads. Tho Grand Trunk
doesn't run to Dayton, as any ton-year"
old boy could tell you. Then' learn to
distinguish between a real greenhorn
and one who may possibly look liko one."
"And," added Harleiiiin, "you
ought to havo soon that fellow's face as
he scooted?" Detroit Free I'rcss.
Reeswax as a Fee.
Munv of the lirst settlers of Illinois
were rudo in speech and rough in man
ner. Money was scarce with them,
and service was paid for in produce.
Governor 11 used to illustrate these
incidents of frontier life by tlio follow
ing anecdote:
Ono day there came to his oflice a
young man accompanied by a young
woman.
"Bo you the SquireP" asked tho
manly youth.
"Yes, sir." u
"Can you tio tho knot for us, right '
away?"
"Yes, sir."
"How much do you charge?"
"Ono dollar is the legal fe'd, sir."
" Will you take vour pay in boos-
wax?"
" Yos sir, if you can't pay cash?"
"Wall, go ahead and tio tho knot,
and I'll fetch in the wax."
"No," said the Squire, thinking there
was a good ohaueo for a little fuu;
"bring in tho beeswax first, and then
I'll marry you."
Reluctantly the youth went out to
where was hitched tho horse, upon
which, Darby and Jomi fashion, they
had ridden, and brought tho wax in a
suck. On being weighed, its value was
found to be only sixty cents.
"Wall," said tho anxious groom,
"tio the knot, and I'll fetch more wax
next week."
"No, sir, I don't trHt; that is
against the rules of tho oUiec."
Slowly tho disappointed youth turn id
to go out, saying: " Come, Sail, lot's
go."
" I say, mister,11 answered Sail, with
a woman's wit. "Can't vou marry us
as far as the wax will go?"
"Yes, lean and will," replied tho
Squire, laughing, and ho did. Youth's
Companion.
No Uso Chlselini
Tho other day while old Skidmuro
was strolling through tho Odd Fellows'
Cemetory ho came to what was evi
dently a new inclosurc, over the railing
of which a bald-headed man was loun"
ing and gazing, with what might bo
called lively resignation, at a simple
marble slab in the centor. This stone
boro the somewhat eurt inscription of:
"Here lies Jane B. Dilloy, aged forty
one.1' " Relative of yours?" said old S.,
pausing sympatliotiially.
"Wifo." explained widower, with ti
beaming smile. "Got her under yes
terday week at 4:16 p. m."
Skidmoro was disgusted at tho man's
cheorfulness, so ho said: "Well, if it
was my wtfo, soems to mo I'd put more
of an inscription o or her than that. A
trunk label would contain more infor
mation than that stone."
"Dare sav dare say." repliod the
surviving Dilley, "but you didn't hap
pen to know Mrs. 1)., 1 reckon, oh?"
"Had not tho pleasure."
" Pleasure great Scott! well, if you
had known her you'd understand how I
feel about tho matter. My triond, the
ohisol wouldn't do her any good.
And with a smile liko an electric light
inn tog, tho bereaved party unbuttoned
his ulster and made a break for a pass
ing car. Sun Fruncivo I'ust.
- -A black boar In Idaho undertook to
hug a ouug lady and sho punchod out
ono of his eyes with her parasol.
All signs fail in dry weather. Even
a sign of tho pledge is sometimes over
looked:
The Wrong Man,
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